Monsters of deepest dephts of horror; Part 2
by Weiila

Back to part 1

"I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate being pixled! Who's idea was this?"
"Well it wasn't mine, emperor Gesthal," Locke grumbled, "and you should spend less time with Kefka, by the way."
"Godcrapit, I'm trying to avoid him, don't you know that?"
"No!" Locke, Celes and Terra snapped.
Edgar ignored them totally.
"Just look at this!" he sighed, "I bet most of these women are stunning, but how are you supposed to tell when they are so small and built up with about fifty-sixty dots in only three different colors per person?"
"You can take my word for it about those two..." Cecil grinned and pointed at Rosa and Rydia, "but I'm afraid none of them are available."
Frog's fist (consisting of four green pixels) hit the table (which was quite long and was built up by brown, light-brown and black).
"'Tis an insult!" the knight snapped, "I am only twenty pixels high and look like a monster! And all 'tis only because of that crap Magus..."
"And Slash," Marle reminded.
"Yes, yes..."
Rydia of FF2/4j looked around, noticing people's hair.
"Crap," she said, "I thought that my green hairdo was pretty extraordinary, but it seems to be mainstream..."
"OK, everyone!" Wendy Koopa shouted and hit the table with a light-brown hammer made by four light-brown pixels in a row (the hilt) and six more dots in a lump (its head).
Everyone became quiet, most of them sourly.
"Let's start the meeting, then," the only girl of Bowser's kids said, "any questions before we get to business?"
"Yeah," Link said, frowning, "why are you and your brothers leading the meeting? Where's your dad?"
"He's battling Mario," Lemmy Koopa said and ran around the table on one of his plastic toy-balls, "he'll be here in a minute."
"Lemmy, sit down!" Morton Koopa jr. growled, "any further questions?"
"Why did we have to meet here?!" Bleu of Breath of Fire 1 growled, "couldn't we at least have gone to Super Mario Bros. 3 of Super Mario All-stars?"
"Oh, come on," Guy of Lufia 2 said, "this is the last place that the freak would look for us..."
He realized what he'd just said and slapped his own mouth so hard that he and his pixled chair fell backwards. Everyone glared at him.
"Sorry, people!" he said and got to his feet.
"Why don't you just say 'I'll be right back' and leave the room?" Angela of Seiken Densetsu 3 sarcastically said.
"There's no reason for being that sharp, princess," Duran of the same game said.
"Pipe down, peasant."
"Hey! That's it, I will ignore the fact that you are something that reminds of a woman and cleave your crappy..."
"What did you say!?" Angela screeched and reached for her staff.
"Hey, calm down!" a woman with green hair in a ponytail yelled, "there's no reason to argue! I don't think that the moron is even looking for us, he's already got what he wanted."
"Good thinking, Selan," Maxim (Lufia 2) nodded.
"No, no," the woman said, "I'm not Selan, I'm Terra."
"You are?"
Maxim turned his head and looked at the woman that sat beside him. She also had green hair and a ponytail. The color of her pixled clothes was yellow and red, and that was exactly what Terra carried too. They looked almost identical.
"Sorry," Maxim finally said and absentmindedly ducked to avoid a blast of stars from Angela's staff, "you look so much the same right now..."
"It's OK," Terra and Selan smiled.
"Order!!" Wendy shouted and violently smacked the table with the hammer, "man, you guys are worse than my brothers! Let's just continue with the meeting."
She reached into her shell and pulled out a rolled-up paper, which she placed on the table and un-rolled. Meanwhile, Kevin of Seiken Densetsu 3 grabbed Duran and Angela's throats with his big, hairy fists and threw them back on their chairs. Then he turned back into his more human form and silently sat down.
"Alright," she said, "Breath of Fire 1, who's here and who was abducted?"
Ryu1 stood up.
"I'm Ryu, and these are my friends Nina, Bleu and KarnBoGobiOx in their fused Puka-form. Jade was abducted."
"Fused form?" Edge of Final Fantasy 2/4j said, "it looks like a mix of Barney the dinosaur, an alien butterfly and Daffy Duck!"
"I see you have a death wish!" KarnBoGobiOx growled and began to roll into a ball.
Nina1 hurriedly reached out and grabbed the small shoulders, giving the fused friends a quick massage to avoid a catastrophe. KarnBoGobiOx calmed down and sat down on their/its chair.
"Thanks Nina, that felt great..." they/it smiled.
"Nothing to talk about, dear friends," the angel-woman smiled with a relieved sigh.
"Good thinking," Ryu whispered, "that was close..."
"Breath of Fire 2!" Wendy shouted.
A green guy stood up.
"This is Ryu, Nina, Katt and moi, je suis Jean," he smiled.
"Frog, what are you doing over there?" Lucca blankly asked, "and when did you get so fat?"
"No, no, no, mademoiselle," Jean laughed, "moi maybe suis a frog, but that is not my name."
"He is definitely not I!" Frog said, rolling his eyes.
"Order, order!" Morton yelled, "Breath of Fire 2, who was lost?"
Katt stood up and growled:
"Babaruba the demon! And I don't see why we're going to save him, I'd like to cave his head in!"
"Wh-what?" Kevin said in his growling, stuttering way of speaking.
He and Katt stared at each other. In this pixled mode, the two of them looked pretty much the same.
One could almost hear birds sing, the air smelled of roses...
"Stop it!" Roy Koopa moaned, "I feel sick..."
"Love is flooding in this fic, isn't it?" Crono said, with sarcasm dribbling from his voice.
"Fic? What are you talking about?" the Koopa kids asked in unison.
"Never mind..."
"Hey," Ryu2 said, "if he gets to talk, then so do I!"
"I always thought your voice would be more handsome..." Nina2 sighed and shrugged her shoulders so that her black wings shivered, "what a mistake..."
"I think it's really attractive," Marle thoughtfully said.
"Stop it!" Crono exclaimed, with his voice filled with pain.
Wendy grabbed the club and almost broke the table with it.
"It's Chrono Trigger's turn!" she yelled.
"Right," Lucca said and stood up, "I'm Lucca, this is Marle, Frog and Crono. We lost Magus and Slash."
"Hey, that were two good picks," Locke said, thoughtful.
Emperor Gesthal gave the treasure hunter a poisonous glare.
"Are you mocking me?!" the head of the empire of Final Fantasy 3/6j growled.
"Who me?" Locke grinned, "I'd never dream of doing such a thing..."
"Stop smirking, you know well why I'm here!"
"Yes, and I'm still trying not to laugh!"
"Why you...!"
"Calm down!" Celes sharply said.
The two men snorted, but obeyed. Wendy rubbed her forehead, careful not to hurt herself with her claws.
"Please," she moaned, "can't we have at least one game explaining their problem without anyone starting an argue?"
"I fear 'tis not possible," Frog said, "I am certain no humor will be allowed to get lost..."
"Well, I have no clue what you are taking about, but it's Final Fantasy 1's turn."
"What?" everyone gasped, "nr 1?! The Nr 1?! Gosh, what an honor!"
A naturally pixled man with red hair, red clothes and red armor rose from his chair and bowed.
"I am honored to receive such respect," he said with a smile, "I am Fighter, this is Thief, White wizard and Black wizard."
"He doesn't look like you at all, Locke," Gesthal snorted and pointed at Thief.
"Thaaat's treeeasuuure huuunteeer!" Locke howled, drew the Atma-weapon and jumped from his chair.
"I wasn't pointing at Thief, I swear!" the emperor screeched, "I pointed at Fighter!"
But Locke didn't believe him. The people of Chrono Trigger, the two Breath of Fire games, the yet unknown characters from Final Fantasy 2/4j and 5 tried to block the furious hero's path to Gesthal while Celes, Edgar and Terra had a discussion about whether they'd help the emperor or not. But after a big, black being with loads of tentacles and only one eye had crashed on the table after being hit by Locke's anger, Terra stood up and called out in a most dramatic way:
"Celes, sing!"
The blond soldier nodded and rose from her seat. She walked around the knocked-down warriors who Locke had gone past already, and stopped just behind his back. There she opened her mouth and began to carry out Terra's order.
"Oh, my hero, so far away now, will I ever see your smile? Love goes away..."
Locke froze and turned around, dropping the Atma-weapon. His eye's twinkled as he watched what he considered beauty beyond compare.
"... Come what may, I won't age a day, I'll wait for you always..." Celes finally finished her singing a couple of minutes later.
"Ah, you know I love that..." Locke sighed and hugged her.
"Bravo! Bravo!" the other heroes/Koopas/Gesthal and similar shouted and clapped their hands.
"I should have made you a singer instead of general, Celes!" the emperor said and rubbed a tear from his eye.
Everyone that had been fighting returned to their seats.
"So who was kidnapped, oh glorious originals?" Edgar asked Fighter and his friends.
Thief's fist hit the table.
"It's just great!" he growled, "the freak stole Garland, and how are we supposed to even get started when the first boss isn't present?"
"Yeah!" a voice from below Black wizard's hat grumbled, "we can't even prove to king Coneria that we are the Light Warriors!"
Everyone looked at the gasping one, who was pressing his hands against his chest. He was well-dressed in/covered with light white-blue clothes as well as an armor, and a helmet in the same color hid his head and face completely. A thin sword was lying on the table before him.
It was Exdeath of Final Fantasy 5.
"What's wrong?" Lufia asked.
"N-not f-four more L-light Warriors! I can't take it!" the void-controller stuttered.
A small boy in red clothes and a matching cloak stood up, pushing his toy-helmet upwards so that it wouldn't hide his eyes as he spoke:
"Sorry to bring it to you, Exdeath, but most of the Final Fantasy heroes have titles like that. Like me and my brothers here."
"Oh, and who are you?" the evil one weakly asked.
An identical boy (only with green clothes instead of red) stood up beside his brother.
"We are the heroes of Final Fantasy 3 for NES," he said, "we were never brought to the USA, but that never stopped us from getting translated and brought to all the happy players via emulation."
"Yeah!" the first boy said, "and though we might be kids now, we'll turn into Warriors of the Crystals whenever we..."
"Ahhh...!" Exdeath groaned and fainted.
There was a loud crash as he hit the floor.
"Hey!" Gilgamesh shouted, "now you've done it, you crappy brats! You've killed the boss!"
"But that's what we heroes always do," Ryu2 pointed out.
"Not a boss, The Boss!"
Rosa and White wizard walked over to Exdeath and managed to check his pulse after cutting through several layers of armor and crag.
"Err, do evil tree-spirits have a pulse?" Rosa asked, frowning.
"I don't know," Gilgamesh said and turned to the big, black thing with tentacles, "do you know, Catastrophe?"
The monster blinked with its eye and waved with its many arms, but couldn't tell the other characters what it thought since it had no mouth.
"Maybe he's an undead?" White wizard suggested.
"Could be," Rosa nodded, "so then we'll have to use Bio or Venom to bring him back..."
"I don't think he's an undead," Gilgamesh said.
Rosa sighed and lowered her head.
"In that case he is dead, sorry to have to bring it to you," she said, "either that or he has no heart..."
Her head snapped up, and both she and White wizard slapped their foreheads.
"I guess that was pretty stupid," the original healer said with a sheepish smile.
"Yep," Rosa sighed and looked around, "so, anyone's got a Phoenix down?"
"I do!" Rydia said.
The caller in green clothes rose from her chair and walked over to the pandemonium. Meanwhile, Edge's forehead hit the table.
"And what's wrong with you, then?" Lufia kindly asked.
"Rydia said 'I do'," Edge sighed, "crap, I'm freaking out about her..."
"You've got problems with feelings too?" the blue-haired woman said with compassion in her voice.
The prince of Eblan looked up and tried to smile.
"But what the crap," he said, "I shouldn't be complaining if we compare our problems. I mean, I'm not the major evil one's sister, so you have worse troubles. I hope that it will work out between you and Yet Another Unnamed Hero."
"How sweet of you!" Lufia smiled, "I see no reason for Rydia not to like you. It'll surely end up well, I'm sure about that."
They smiled at each other... well, one could guess that they did so. It was hard to know since there had been no real place four mouths in their original games, and definitely not in Bowser's 8-bits castle.
"Edge!" Rydia suddenly yelled, "are you flirting with Lufia?!"
"No, why?" Edge said.
"I... err... don't want Y.A.U.H. of Lufia 1 to get hurt," the caller explained, without much pointing at that she was telling the truth.
"See? She's mad about you," Lufia whispered and winked with one eye, "don't give up."
"Thanks a lot," Edge grinned.
Rosa placed a flaming feather on Exdeath's helmet. It slowly sunk through the metal.
The evil one of Final Fantasy 5 slowly sat up with a moan.
"I feel like I've got mushrooms growing all over my trunk..." he mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck.
"You mean, you really is tree?" Sprite from Secret of Mana said.
"Sure I am," Exdeath nodded, "this is merely my human form."
"Hey Girl, maybe you should take some lessons about being a vegetable from Deathy there," the short thing with long, red-brown hair grinned, "'cause ya know what'll happen when you marry Hero..."
He hurriedly ducked as Girl pulled out the Spear from her magical pockets.
"You dwarf!" she growled, "you know that I love Dyluck and him only! I'm not a moron who'll choose to become a tree for the rest of my life just because of a flirt!"
"Turn into a tree if you marry him?" Iggy Koopa shuddered and pointed at Hero, "what is he, some kind of mad wizard?"
"No," Hero sadly said, "but since I'm the Mana knight, the woman I marry will have to turn into the new Mana tree after giving birth to my heir. And that'll be the same as divorce, I guess..."
"What are you moaning about?" Edgar said, "that means that you just have the freedom of..."
Everyone glared angrily at him, and he fell silent.
"It's not that bad to be a tree," Exdeath said as he returned to his chair, "pretty relaxing, to tell the truth. But as soon as you start to think about world domination, somebody comes running and seal you up... that's when you begin to get irritated."
"People, please!" Roy Koopa sighed.
"Right," Fighter said, "where were we?"
"Final Fantasy 3 for the NES is next," Wendy announced.
Several hands went up. The Koopa kids looked around, shocked that the messing characters suddenly were polite enough to hold up a hand instead of starting to scream immediately.
"What happened?" Larry said, "did we change the script without me noticing it?"
"No," Gilgamesh said, and looking closely, one could see that it looked more like he was hanging in one of his many wrists instead of holding it aloft by his own will, "but I think that the author suddenly felt a bit sorry for you brats."
"What author? We're not in a story, you know, this is real life!" Morton said.
"Yeah, whatever... could one of us please get to ask the question so that we can sit down again?"
"Well, alright," Wendy said and looked around, "Guy, what is it?"
"Isn't the characters of Final Fantasy 2 here?" the blond swordsman asked.
Everyone that had "held up their hand" dropped to their seats.
"I don't know," Wendy said, "hey Ryu1, don't tell me you forgot about them!"
"No," the Light Dragon said, "but they hadn't been involved in this. I somehow think that the freak forgot about them. Either that or he didn't find anyone good enough in that evil crowd."
For some reason Ryu1, Locke, Terra, Celes and Edgar looked at Gesthal and (probably) smirked. The emperor crossed his arms and grumbled sourly in a low voice.
"Well, he didn't like our baddies either!" the first onionkid said, "he took Bahamut instead!"
"Gosh," Locke mumbled, "that poor dragon have to put up with a lot..."
"Oh right," the child in red clothes said, "I am 1, and these are my brothers 2, 3 and 4."
"Well," Link finally said, "at least we don't have to repeat the 'two Heroes' joke..."
"Do too," Cecil sighed and pointed at the red-haired guy beside Lufia.
"I thought that we were going to call him YAUH?" the elf sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"That can't be my name!" YAUH exclaimed, "it sounds like something you shout if you drop a goldfish-bowl on your feet!"
"Well, what are we going to call you, then?" Aguro of the same game as the complainer asked.
"Anything else," YAUH said, "how about 'Liam'?"
"Liam?" Lufia sighed and rolled her eyes, "sure, why not..."
"Stop! Hold it, time out!" Duran yelled.
"We get it, pinhead!" Angela snapped, "what's wrong, you crybaby?"
The swordsman ignored the magician and stood up. His palms hit the table, making a loud, smacking sound.
"Look, people," he said, almost sounding desperate, "what's going on again? I've lost the thread completely. Why are we here, and what's happening? I feel sorry for the readers too..."
"Cut out the story-rubbish, for God's sake!" Ludwig von Koopa growled and turned to his sister, "hey Wendy, what are we doing?"
"We're loosing touch with reality, that's it," the female Koopa sighed.
She coughed and said in a loud voice:
"We are here to try to sort out which evil guys who were kidnapped by the robed freak, and then we'll try to find a way of rescuing them. But for some reason you guys can't stick to the subject, and I'm getting a terrible headache. The next one who starts to mess around will have to eat one of the cookies I baked yesterday, OK!?"
Everyone except Wendy became a lot paler, and her brothers ran screaming out of the room.
"Much better," she sighed with a relieved smile, "now then, it's Final Fantasy 2/4j's turn."
Cecil slowly stood up, careful not to look at anyone in case somebody would take offence and risk his life by dropping a comment.
"We have brought Rosa, Rydia, Edge and me Cecil here. Rubicant, the Fiend of Fire was kidnapped," he said and quickly sat down again.
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" Wendy smiled, "and Final Fantasy 5?"
"I'm Exdeath," the tree-spirit said as he rose from his seat, "this black thing is Catastrophe, the many-armed being is Gilgamesh. We lost Apocalypse."
Everyone was silent. After a moment, Nina2 carefully raised her right hand.
"What's on your mind?" Wendy asked.
"I just wondered..." the angel-woman with black wings slowly said, "why have only you bad guys come from Final Fantasy 5? Where's the heroes?"
"Busy," Gilgamesh said, sending a frightened gaze towards Wendy.
"Busy?" Nina2 repeated.
"Is this fine with you, Wendy?" Exdeath asked.
The female Koopa nodded, so the evil one continued:
"Well, Butz and Lenna were on a double-date with Cara and Mid, Faris was going to wreak havoc on a pub with her fellow pirates, and Galuf is... well..."
Exdeath cleared his throat and looked at the nails of his right hand.
"... He's plain busy."
The heroes of the various games exchanged glances and shuddered.
"I'm done," Exdeath said and sat down.
Wendy kindly nodded.
"See, this wasn't that difficult, was it?" she said, "no more pandemonium is going to keep us from finishing this meeting..."
Everyone stared at her as she realized what she was saying, slapping her mouth with her hands.
"Duck!" Fighter shouted, and everyone threw themselves on the floor.
Screaming, Bowser Koopa smashed through the ceiling.
Crash, splaff!
He hit the middle of the table, breaking it in two pieces that smacked upwards and hit each other. Then they fell back with a third crash, revealing a stupidly flat dragon-turtle.
"We could leave this RPGing behind and become cartoon-stars instead," Marle grumbled, "we know all the rules..."
Bowser waved back and forth on the mess of smashed wood.
"This seems familiar..." Lucca said and frowned, "hey, you're copying Ryu1!"
"Sooorryyy..." Bowser mumbled.
He clenched his flat fists and took a deep breath. With a poop! he regained his curves, spikes and shape.
"Dad, we were in the middle of a meeting here!" Wendy moaned.
"Sorry," the grown Koopa said, "Mario just beat the crap out... ouch!"
"Ha-ha!" the plumber with red clothes yelled, suddenly standing on Bowser's shell with princess Toadstool's hand in a tight, trustworthy grip, "I won again!"
"Why don't you just play Super Mario World instead?" Wendy sighed, "every time you do SMB3, we have to call a carpenter!"
"Yes!" the RPG-characters that came from SNES-games shouted, "please change to Super Mario World instead!"
"No can do," Bowser said, "I'm all worn out, and there's an Italian plumber standing on me."
"Well, since you're finally here, dad," Wendy said and threw the hammer at her father with a relieved sigh, "you can take the command of this meeting. Have fun."
Mario caught the hammer before it hit Bowser's head.
"So, where were you?" the plumber asked.
"Hey!" Bowser said, but Mario placed the hammer's head on the big turtle's nose and leaned at the stick, pushing the big mouth into captivity.
"This changing of leadership..." Edge carefully said, "does it mean that we can freak out again?"
"Fine with me," Mario said with a grin.
Bleu waved with a hand.
"Could I ask Bowser a question?" she said.
"Sure, why not?"
Mario went up about one foot since he still stood on the dragon king's shell, and the big turtle took a deep breath when the hammer was removed from his nose.
"What's on -gaaasp- your mind?" Bowser asked.
"Why do you keep kidnapping princess Toadstool?" Bleu wondered, "what's the crap point? Everybody knows that Mario saves her all the time..."
"I'd like to know that too," Toadstool grimly said.
"It's my hobby!" Bowser snorted.
"So you mean..." Lucca slowly said, "that you awoke one morning and thought like 'hey, maybe I should get my back kicked by a fat, Italian plumber! But how? Oh, I'll kidnap a princess!' something?"
Bowser shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, maybe not those exact words, but... pretty close," he admitted.
"Oh, good grief," Bleu muttered, "I joined RPGs because I thought that there would be sanity..."
Mario coughed, getting everyone's attention.
"If I understand correctly," the plumber said, "some anonymous moron stole some characters from your games, is that so?"
The RPG-people nodded.
"Tell you what," Mario kindly said, "I had an RPG myself, you know. Would you like me to help out?"
"That's so nice of you!" Angela sarcastically sighed, "and why don't we bring Kid Icarus, Megaman and Samus Aran too, while we're on the roll?"
"Excellent idea!" Link grinned, "could you call them, Mario?"
"Sure, but I don't have a phone..."
"Get off me and you can borrow mine," Bowser growled, his claws going tip-tap against the remains of the table.
Mario looked down.
"Oh, am I still standing on you?" he said.
Mario stepped down, Bowser stood up. The dragon-turtle then reached into his shell and brought forth a neat cellular phone. But as he was about to give it to Mario, it started playing the first notes from "You're the one that I want" ("Grease") with a cellular phone's horrible, squeaking version of music.
"Oh, sorry," Bowser said, "one moment."
He pushed one of the small buttons and then lifted the phone to his ear.
"Hello, it's Bowser Koopa... oh, hi! Mh-hm... yes, they're here..."
The dragon-turtle looked around, then he raised the hand holding the phone so that the arm pointed straight upwards.
"It's for you guys," Bowser announced.
The phone shook a bit. Then:
"Get us out of here!!" a choir of cold, harsh, roaring, whispering and screeching voices shouted.
Sadly, the phone met its end there. It exploded because of the volume. Wendy furiously jumped up and down.
"Hey, that was mine!" she yelled.
Then she stood still for a moment, thinking. After that, she shrugged her shoulders.
"OK, it was my old one. Doesn't matter..." she said.
"It was your enemies and friends," Bowser explained, blowing at his burned claws.
"You don't say..." Ryu1 said, rubbing his ears.
"We don't have time for this!" 4 exclaimed, "we have to find them!"
"Sure," his brother 2 nodded, "but we have no idea where they are. Let's at least finish the meeting first. Mario, go on."
The plumber nodded and received the list of games from Wendy.
"It's Final Fantasy 3/6j's turn," the female Koopa reported.
"Thanks," Mario smiled, "so, let's hear it."
Edgar stood up.
"I am king Edgar of Figaro," he said, "and this is Locke, Celes, Terra and, I'm afraid, emperor Gesthal; your everyday looser."
"Why you...!" Gesthal growled.
"You are!" everyone else shouted, "you employed Kefka!"
The emperor found himself convicted and sighed.
"I guess that Kefka wasn't kidnapped, huh?" Artea of Lufia 2 said with a grain of unease in his singing elven voice.
"No," Terra calmed everyone, "at least that tells us that this freak isn't a psychopath."
"It was an insult!" Gesthal growled, hitting a piece of the smashed table with his fist.
"Oh?" Ryu2 said, "then who was abducted? Doomgaze?"
"No," Celes said, rolling her eyes.
"One of the goddesses?" Duran suggested.
"How about Magimaster?" Liam tried.
"Well, that big robot that can't move, what's-its-name-again?" Wendy said.
"Not that either."
"A brachosaur?" Katt asked, her tail waving back and forth in an impatient way.
"He said it was too big..."
"Ultros?" Link said with a chuckle.
Everyone laughed a bit at the mere thought.
"So, was it one of those eight dragons, then?" Gilgamesh wondered.
Celes and her two friends + emperor Gesthal shook their heads.
"I give up," Thief said, "who was kidnapped?"
Locke coughed and sent a mean look in the emperor's direction.
"Shadow," the treasure hunter said.
"I thought that he only wanted baddies...?" KarnBoGobiOx finally said.
"Well, he did take Bahamut from us," 4 pointed out.
"Yes, but at least he is a boss," 1 said, "but why would he take Shadow? He's one of the heroes, isn't he?"
"Yeah," Locke nodded, "but none of our evil ones were cool enough..."
"How can I face this?!" Gesthal moaned, "a little brat has the nerve to... to..."
He collapsed in loud sobs. Terra stood up and walked over to the shaking emperor, catching him in a comforting embrace.
"There, there," the half-esper mumbled in a calming voice, "I'm sure he just didn't scan the crowd properly."
"You really think so, dear?" Gesthal sobbed.
"Sure," Terra smiled and (probably, it was hard to tell) crossed her fingers behind the emperor's back, "if he had taken a closer look, I'm sure he would have taken the finest of your warriors."
"Can we continue?" Bowser impatiently said, "Lufia is next, right Mario?"
"Yep. So let's hear it," the plumber-hero nodded.
Liam rose from his seat.
"Hi, I'm Liam," he said, "and this is Jerin, Lufia and Aguro. We lost..."
"Hey, why did you say her name first?!" the woman with blue hair growled.
"Sorry..." Liam whispered, hiding under one half of the smashed table.
"No wonder he thinks that you are a burden!" Jerin sneered.
Lufia spun around, shouting:
"Why you ugly frog-elf!"
"I knew I shouldeth have turned and left as I saw her hair..." Frog grumbled.
"What's wrong with my hair!?" Lufia screeched, changing the direction of her fury again.
As she got more and more angry she began to grow, and her clothes changed a dress of flowing silk. Her hair moved wildly without any wind, she was turning into the sinistrial...
"Err, Frog has this stupid fear for everything that's blue," Lucca said, sitting on the knight's head, "pretty silly, huh? Can you imagine what a pain it was during our quest?"
"Oh," Lufia said and calmed down.
Her transformation froze and reversed. She sat down as if nothing had happened and gave the gasping Frog a smile full of compassion.
"I see that must be hard for you," she said.
"I surviveth," Frog said, trying to regain his breath and sending killing glares at Lucca, "with my comrades standing by."
"Focus, people!" Celes said, "we have to save Shadow, Bahamut and the bad guys before it's too late!"
"Right," Aguro nodded, "Amon the sinistrial was kidnapped from our game."
"From you too?" Artea said, "powers of the Light, this freak has no sense of variation."
He looked around and continued:
"Well, my name is Artea, and I represent Lufia 2 with my friends Maxim, Selan and Guy here."
"Wait a moment!" Link exclaimed, "have you forgot about The Legend of Zelda?"
"No, no," Mario calmed him, "you are scheduled right here, at the bottom of the list. Because of the 'Z'."
"But the name doesn't start with..."
"How many people says 'I've just finished The Legend of Zelda - A link to the past'? They say 'I've just finished the Zelda-game for the SNES'," Mario pointed out, "it's only natural."
"OK, OK, I see your point..." Link sighed.
"So it's Secret of Mana now," the plumber announced.
"Hero, Girl and Sprite here, ready for battle!" the main character of last mentioned game said, "and Thanatos was brought away from us."
"Good, good," Bowser said, checking the list over Mario's shoulder, "Seiken Densetsu 3?"
Duran began to rise from his seat, but Angela grabbed her staff and knocked him out. Then she spoke, while the poor warrior fell to the floor:
"I'm Angela, princess of Altena, and this is Kevin, son of the Beastking. And the sleepover is Duran, swordsman of Forcena."
"M-must save enemies!" Kevin snarled, "Black knight and strange vampire-man Jagan gone, Deathjester and big evils are mad, mad!"
"I like that guy..." Katt grinned.
Rosa went over to Duran in order to awake him, while Mario waved at the hero from the Zelda-games to speak.
"So, I'm Link," the elf in green clothes said, "I'm not sure from which of all my games that Ganon was abducted, but anyhow he was."
"Ahh, we're finally done with that part of the meeting," Wendy said with a relieved smile.
"Right!" Fighter said, "now, how are we going to save all these enemies + Bahamut and Shadow? Edgar, Lucca?"
The two of them were already having a discussion in low voices. Everyone waited patiently.
"OK!" Lucca finally said, "we have an idea that might work!"
She dug around in her backpack for a while, and finally found something that she promised everyone was the Gatekey. They all just had to believe her, since it here in the world of the NES looked mostly like one of the magic canes that the Koopas had stolen in SMB3.
"And here's my chainsaw!" Edgar announced and put a grey lump on the floor beside the key.
The king inventor and the plain inventor then began to work on the two gimmicks. Lucca seemed to only poke a little at the Gatekey with a screwdriver, then she gave it to Edgar. He put it on his chainsaw, and the two workers started to make the key a part of the saw. And they used glue to do so.
Nina1 watched in amaze for a while, then she managed, apart from everyone else, to break free from the fascination and turned to Mario.
"Could I ask you something?" the angel-woman said, "I've always wondered why you die when the time expires..."
Mario sighed.
"Yeah, I know it's weird when you start thinking about it," he said, "but there is a logical reason. The princess put a time-bomb in my shoes to make sure I'll come to save her."
"I had to!" Toadstool grimly said, "before that he went to eat pizza every fifth minute!"
Nina1 shook her head and turned to watch the crazy inventors instead.
Twenty minutes later, Edgar proudly held the chainsaw in his hands.
"Alright," he said, "now that the glue has dried, it should work."
"Umm, dare I ask what it's supposed to do?" Cecil said.
"I've modified the Gatekey to search out the electrical waves that our enemies, Shadow and Bahamut sent here as they called Bowser," Lucca explained, "the chainsaw should now be able to cut up time and space and bring us to where those who needs to be rescued are. Nifty, huh?"
Complete silence. Everyone glared stupidly at Edgar and Lucca. After a moment, Maxim cleared his throat.
"Will that actually work?" he said, "because that's the most stupid version of 'logic' I've ever heard."
"I guess it really won't work," Edgar said, "but hey, how logical has this fanfic been so far?"
"What fanfic?!" Wendy growled, very frustrated.
"Oh, just go on..." Maxim sighed, massaging his forehead.
Edgar pushed a red dot on the chainsaw, and it began to roar. He swung it, almost making Lucca, Gesthal and Locke about ten pixels shorter.
"You mad crapper!" the emperor growled, pressing his hands against his chest.
The king of Figaro ignored him totally and cut up a hole in thin air. Nothingness fell backwards, and left was a big, red, glowing portal.
"Now that was almost impressive!" Bleu said, "even though it's incredibly stupid..."
"Are you guys sure about this?" Sprite asked, hesitating.
"Of course we are!" Edgar said, "come on, we'll go first to prove it. Hey Lucca, will you please hold my hand..."
The two inventors entered the glowing light. After hesitating, the many heroes and the few bad guys began to pop in after them.
"Are you coming?" Mario asked, looking at his three game-fellows.
"No way!" Bowser said, grabbing Wendy's throat to stop her marching, "we have better things to do."
"OK," the plumber said, "how about you, Toadstool?"
The princess shook her head.
"Nah," she said, "I think I'll stay here. That'll save a lot of time, won't it?"
"Great!" Wendy said, "we can talk about the latest dresses."
"See you later, then," Mario nodded and began walking towards the portal.
"Hey," Toadstool said, "can we do 'Legend of the seven stars' when you get back? I'd like to be helpful for once."
"Sure we can," Bowser grinned, "there's nothing like throwing Mario at some living weapons, sharks and enemies in general..."
"Alright, take care!" Mario said over his shoulder and disappeared into the light.

Part 3