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Reality Based


The Adventures of the RPGC Task Force!
by d_Galloway

Issue 3: The World's Greatest Thief


GG Crono and Mabat sat at the small dining table, situated right in the middle of the kitchen. The former was eating a small bagel and reading the paper, while the latter was downing his eighth tequilla since he woke up thirty minutes earlier. The rest of the Task Force was either asleep or busy watching the massive collection of Wonder Woman porn that had somehow ended up on the computer.

Finally, GG Crono found an article worth paying attention to:



Frederick Denando, the stupidly-named owner of the world's largest collection of diamonds, has agreed to place them on display in RPGCity's Museum of Really Old Stuff, most likely as a tax ride-off. When concern was raised over the museum's ludicrously poor security record, the museum owner swore to hire the best of the best. And as for concerns about the legendary 'PC Glenton,' the owner continues to swear that he does not exist."

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the bunker's door. Prying himself away from the porn, Galloway punched in the eighteen-hundered digit passcode to the locks, swearing to reduce it to seven digits when he had the time. When the doors opened, a grizzled bald old man, who matched the newpaper photo of the museum owner, was standing there. "Hello, my boy," he said. "Would you be interested in some light work?"



On the top suite of the RPGC Heights Apartment Building, a tall, sullen man sat on his fancy sofa, reading the morning newspaper. Sure enough, he read the article about the diamond collection, and cracked a cruel smile both at the collection owner's name, and at the insistance that PC Glenton "does not exist." Now fully satisfied, he rose from his sofa, threw down the newspaper, grabbed a black trenchcoat and stepped out towards the elevators.

It seemed it was time to show the museum just how real PC Glenton is...


"Okay, let me get this straight," said Galloway. "You want US to guard the exhibit?"

"Yes, of course," said the owner. "I can't rely on anyone else."

"You DO know that we're technically superheroes?" asked Mabat. "Guarding a bunch of dirty old diamonds is hardly earth-shaking."

"I never said it would be a grand job," said the owner, "but I truly need some assistance. The guards are afraid of this blasted 'PC Glenton' myth, and having a couple superheroes on hand will be sure to boost their morale."

"Why do you keep insisting Glenton is a myth?" asked Pierson. "I've met him, they've met him, seemingly every person in RPGC knows he's real except you."

"He stole my catgirl porn and replaced it with a Wilfredo Martinez blow-up doll," said Mabat.

"He ran me down in an alleyway, stole my wallet, and replaced it with a half-dozen empty wallets he had taken five minutes earlier," said GG Crono.

"He has made constant and frequent attempts to kill my wife, and also me for some reason," said Galloway.

"He was the first being to meet me in this blasted dimension," said demigod.

"He once saved a baby from a burning building, then ransomed it back to his mother, and then framed me for setting the building on fire to begin with," said Pierson.

"Bah!" said the owner. "Such nonsense! There's no way such a man can exist! All this nonsense that he can...evade every security system known to man, snipe the fleas off a dog's back from twenty miles away with a pistol, and possesses technology that the US Military would pay billions for, is just ridiculous, foundless rumors!"

"...Moving on, then," said Galloway. "We'll have to discuss this amongst ourselves. We'll be right back..." With that, the Task Force retreated to the kitchen, while the owner leafed through a Home and Garden magazine.



PC Glenton stood on a rooftop across from the RPGC Museum of Really Old Stuff, binoculars in hand. There were only a few guards in the front entrance, but since the museum was still technically open, that wasn't his main concern. After pressing a few buttons on top of the binos, the view suddenly changed to a heat vision-augmented vision of the interior of the museum.

Glenton zeroed in on guard patrols within the museum itself, taking note of the offices, the security room, and the emergency exits and alarms. This goal complete, he put away his little tool and jumped into a nearby alleyway, changed into a pair of typical civilian clothes, and entered the museum, pretending to take an interest in the exhibits. When he neared one of the security cameras, he looked around to make sure he wasn't being followed, and quickly placed a small, flat device on the bottom of the camera.

After that, he snuck his way into the offices, finally locating the owner's office itself. He quickly picked the office lock and snuck inside, making his way to the desk. He took out another small disc and placed it underneath the office phone. Once he was sure it was hidden, he snuck out of the office, dodging another guard patrol before returning to the main museum. Resuming his faked march, he made his way to the diamond display. The precious gems were placed completely against the back wall, underneath a large skylight. The gems were all placed and organized behind a glass wall; Glenton quickly noticed the extremely tiny red lights indicating a laser alarm system. Once nobody was looking, he placed a clear disc on the glass, the item blending in perfectly with the glass.

Now finished, he left the museum, picking up a brochure to perfect his disguise. He then raced back to the alleyway, changed back into his black clothes and trenchcoat, and went to a nearby cafe for a bagel.



"I still think it's a waste of resources," said Mabat.

"And I still think it's a great PR move!" said Galloway.

"Mabat's right. We can't waste our time on every single little problem, even if it involves the legendary PC Glenton," said Pierson.

"For once, Galloway's right. If we can capture PC Glenton, the thief not even Batman could defeat, we'll be able to win over a great deal of the people," said GG Crono.

"All right, that's two votes for, and two votes against," said Galloway. "demigod, it's your move."

demigod simply stared for several minutes before finally speaking. "Although I feel that this will most likely amount to nothing, we must be take the offensive when dealing with an individual that's even half as crafty as you make him out to be. I say we guard the display."

"All right, that's 3-2," said Galloway. "Now, two people will probably be enough to guard the display. The rest can stay here and mop up any other crisis along the way. Pierson, break out the straws..."


The Task Force finally returned to the owner, who was busy eating a hoagie that materialized out of nowhere while finishing an article on the fine art of lawn brick laying. "All right, Mabatsekker and demigod will serve as guards. The rest of us will most likely sit and do nothing, since absolutely nothing important happens when there's only a small number of us."

"That's fine," said the owner. "Come, I'll give you a ride." With that, the unwilling Mabat and the indifferent demigod followed the grateful museum owner to his car and drove off into the sunset. The rest of the Task Force prepared for another heaping of porn...when the screen showed a picture of Iran preparing to launch nukes at every nation immediately surrounding them. Sighing once again, they prepared to somehow get across to Iran...



Mabat and demigod stood in front of the diamond display, occasionally turning around to face the display itself before turning back towards the rest of the museum. "Two hours and thirty minutes in," said Mabat. "Have you seen anything?"

"Not a single thing," said demigod.

"Do you even think Glenton's going to show up?" asked Mabat. "I mean, this place is guarded heavier than...some sort of place...that's...heavily guarded. Besides, we all know his great weakness is magic. It's all a simple matter of hitting him first."

"I hope you are correct," said demigod.



PC Glenton replaced his binoculars underneath his coat and took out a small remote. He moved a few dials and pressed a single red switch, and then quickly took back out the binoculars and zoomed in on the security room. Sure enough, his earlier sabotage had scrambled the feed and replaced it with a previously recorded scene from an earlier night. Smiling at his clever planning, he raised a grappling gun and fired at the museum room, slamming into the air conditioning duct. After tying his end of the gun to a nearby satellite dish, he grabbed onto the cable and flew down the zip line.

Once he had safely alighted on the opposite roof, Glenton made his way to the skylight. None of the panels were designed to swing open, so Glenton reached back into his coat and pulled out a glass cutter, slicing open the glass and quickly catching the panel before it fell. After neatly setting it aside, he looked down onto the diamond exhibit below, his lips went with anticipation. However, the Task Force was still there...

Then he remembered his backup plan. Grabbing the remote again, he pressed a few buttons. His action was soon rewarded with a large explosion, as the bomb he had planted in the owner's office went off. Security rushed to the room, leaving only the Task Force to deal with. Finally, Glenton pulled a small gernade from his belt, armed it, and dropped it onto the floor below.


Mabat and demigod spun around as the gernade rattled behind them. The small device beeped quickly for a few seconds, before finally emitting a massive cloud of green smoke. Both had no choice but to flee before they fell unconscious or were poisoned to death or suffered whatever other possible effects the smoke gernade may have had. They didn't even see the zip line lower from the skylight, or PC Glenton, clad in a gas mask, descending into the thick of the smoke.

When the cloud finally cleared, the entire diamond exhibit was gone.


Glenton raced across the rooftops, or at least as quickly as he could with eight sacks worth of diamonds on his back. Finally, he managed to reach his suite, still carrying all his precious gems. Now came the hard part: getting rid of his ill-gotten gain.



"WHAT?!" said the owner. "You're saying someone stole the diamonds behind your back?!"

"It was a...bit more complicated than that," said Mabat. "It was PC Glenton, after all-"

"THERE IS NO PC GLENTON!" said the owner. "He doesn't exist! A regular human stole the diamonds, and nothing more! I swear, the UN will hear about this!"

"Do not worry," said demigod. "We will get your diamonds back. In truth, we already have a plan to do so..."



"Please, think of a plan!" said demigod.

The entire bunker was empty, save for Mabat and demigod. The rest of the Task Force was still embroiled in Iran, trying to prevent a nuclear armageddon. The computer was now showing an old episode of Dr. Who, while Mabat continued to leaf through his "Catgirl Monthly" magazine. "As a matter of fact, I think I do. Now that Glenton has the diamonds, he'll have to get rid of them."

"So?" asked demigod.

"He obviously can't sell them on the legitimate market, so he'll have to work through the black market," said Mabat. "Remember, Frederick Denando is a very powerful force on the black market. If Glenton tries to sell them that way, he'll be tracked down for sure. That leaves only one possible way..."

"He'll ransom them back," said demigod.

"Exactly," said Mabat. "Now, all we have to do is wait."


After taking a quick shower, Glenton sat himself on a fine satin armchair, not even bothering to read the paper. Instead, he reached for a nearby phone and called in the only person he was interested in doing business with. "Hello?" asked a voice on the other end. It was a deep voice, and yet was filled with the frailty of old age and concern.

"It's PC Glenton," said Glenton. "I have something you want."

"Glenton! I knew only you could pull off something like that! Where's my damn diamonds?"

"Someplace safe. And please don't bother tracing the call, I've already taken precautions against that."

"All right, what do you want?"

"I very well can't sell the diamonds on the black market, not as long as you're in charge of a great deal of it. So, I'm offering the diamonds back..."


" IS quite the collection. I'd say about...800 million."

"ARE YOU MAD? The collection isn't worth more than 500 million!"

"Of course, if you don't want it, I understand. Then again, I DO have a few other things that might interest you. You know, pictures, bribery records, camera footage, witnesses, all that good stuff."

"...When do you want the money?"

"Tonight, at RPGCity Park. Also, I'll be wearing a small bomb regulator. Kill me, and your precious collection, along with half of RPGC, will go up with me. Have a good day, Denando." With that, Glenton hung up the phone and prepared for the night.



Mabat and demigod returned the computer to its automated game of strip solitare, having recovered the info they needed. "Now all we need is an attack plan..." said demigod.



Glenton sat on a rock, sheltered beneath a pair of tall oak trees. He was wearing his full black clothes, several large sacks at his feet. He didn't look to his left or right; he simply stared straight down, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. He didn't even seem to notice the sixty-year-old man aproaching him, barely able to stand even using his cane. His white suit was wrinkled and faded; he had obviously owned it for a long time, and had put it on only minutes before he left for the park. Two large, muscular men in black suits stood behind him, each holding a pair of briefcases.

"Glenton!" said the man. "I've brought you what you wanted: $800 million, all in $20 bills!"

"Good," said Glenton. "Have your lugs bring the money over. They can carry the diamonds on the way back." With a shrug from the old man, the bodyguards wandered to Glenton and dumped the briefcases, picking up the bags as they left. Glenton moved one hand towards the briefcase, feeling along the locks and metal latches. Almost immediately, he felt something portruding from one of the latches. It didn't take long to realize it was a wire, the kind used in bombs and not briefcases.

Just as the bodyguards reached the old man, Glenton rose from his rock. "Denando, you're not a very good sport."

"What was that?" he shouted.

"I really wanted this deal to go smoothly," said Glenton. "I'm tired of having to dodge assassins or fight off ambushes every time I try to make some quick cash. Instead, you had to give me a rigged briefcase."

"You are too paranoid," said the old man. "Come on, men, let's leave this fool."

Glenton quickly reached into his pockets and took out a small, metal thing, which vaguely resembled some kind of lockpick. He shoved it into one of the locks, and the briefcase swung open. Sure enough, a bomb was attached to the top lid, while the bottom only contained chopped-up newspaper. Glenton's entire body seethed with rage at this betrayal.

Before the old man could get far, Glenton pulled a silenced 9mm out of his jacket and fired two rounds, hitting both bodyguards in the back of the head. The sight of his protection falling dead sent Denando into a panic, but his feeble attempt at running was quickly brought to an end thanks to his poor legs. He whistled, and six more bodyguards showed up, armed with Desert Eagles and Uzis. Glenton dived for cover amongst the trees, quickly puttting away his silenced gun and pulling out a pair of .44 handguns. When the hail of bullets stopped, he dove from his cover, firing with every round he had.

Within seconds, all six bodyguards were dead. Denando tried to crawl away, but Glenton quickly stopped this by stomping on his hand. "Trying to run somewhere, SIR?!"

"P-Please don't kill me!" screamed Denando. "The other three briefcases...they have the money! Please don't!"

"Why should I believe you?" asked Glenton. "You scum-sucking, good-for-nothing..."

Suddenly, a blast of energy flew into Glenton, sending him flying into the rock he had previously sat on. Mabatsekker and demigod rushed to the scene, the former's hand still smoking from the ki bolt he had thrown. "All right, Glenton. The game is up."

Glenton climbed to his feet, obviously in pain. "So, this is the great RPGC Task Force? Where are the rest of you freaks?"

"Look who is talking," said demigod. "Now, are you going to come quiety, or do we have to use the hard way?"

"Uh...I surrender," said Glenton.

Both Mabat and demigod looked at each other, and then back at Glenton. "Ah, you're supposed to take the hard way!"

"I'm not a retard! I can't fight you!" said Glenton.

"Why not?" asked demigod.

Glenton growled at them. "BECAUSE YOU WOULD KICK MY ASS!"

"All right, fine!" whined Mabat. "We'll take you to the damn prison island! Demi, check on Denando."

demigod looked at the old man, who was now lying completely motionless. "He's dead. Looks like he had a fright-induced heart attack." He looked towards the first two dead bodyguards. "Looks like the diamonds are still here."

"Come on, boys," said Glenton. "You have a lot of stuff to take down to evidence!" Mabat and demigod groaned at each other, grabbed the bags, cuffed Glenton, and carried him off to the RPGCPD.



"And so ends another dissapointing adventure," said Mabat.

"Does something seem wrong to you?" asked demigod. "It was almost like Glenton wanted to be arrested."

"Yeah, you're right," said Mabat. "But you know what? Let's just try not to think about it and go on with our lives. Besides, we need to pick up the three...war heroes from the airport."



Glenton was hoisted into his cell, a regular barred, one-cot chamber with only a bucket to piss in and no window. Even as the bars slammed shut, he knew he would easily escape. And as he saw the Nukleoids, sitting in the stasis cells across from him, he knew this would be a worthy trip...



Issue 4: Family Feud


Wil sat in his house, eating stale bagels and watching whatever crap had come on at the time. His focus stopped only when he heard a loud scream coming from outside, which continued to grow progressively louder and louder. Finally, something slammed through the wall above him, punching a massive hole in the wall and creating a pit in the center of his house. Once the dust had cleared, Gemini picked himself out of the dust, still clad in his ninja outfit and wearing an army helmet. "...What the heck just happened?" asked Wil.

"Just so you know, never travel through cannon," said Gemini. "It's really not that comfortable." He removed the helmet and turned to Wilfredo. "I know this is a lot to ask, but...I'm leaving the ninja. Would you mind training me to be a mage?"

Wil arched his eyebrows. "What? Why would you even WANT to be a mage?"

"I'm pathetic as a warrior," said Gemini. "I simply wanted to see if it was possible for me to learn magic. I'd be glad to pay you."

"Sorry, but I really don't need a student at the time," said Wil. "I didn't even have a realy master; how can I possibly teach someone to use magic properly and respectfully? The last student I tried to get was my niece, but her family..."

"Perhaps we can fake our way through it," said Gemini. "You act like you've been training me for a while, they see that their daughter won't be in any danger, and everyone's happy. Besides, I've already got enough blackmail to con you into killing the US President."

Wil groaned. "Fine, but at the first sign of trouble..."



Wil, Nel and Gemini stood in Wil's backyard, staring at a set of beer bottles lined up on a fence. "Alright, this is a basic attack spell drill," said Wil. "I want each of you to use a low-level spell to break the bottles. Remember, don't use anything too powerful, or we'll have a repeat of last week's regretful incident..."

"Look, I'm sorry, Uncle Wil," said Nel. "I simply used a little too much power in that magic missile. I didn't mean to set half of the yard on fire."

"And I didn't mean to collapse your neighbor's roof," said Gemini.

" careful this time," said Wil. He couldn't believe how slowly Nel was learning; by this time, he had at least learned a small bit of restraint. Gemini wasn't helping, either; he had a handle on basic magic, but he obviously had no chance of ever learning the most powerful secrets of magic. Sometimes, he wished he could get rid of the idiot once and for all...

Suddenly, Galloway landed ino the yard, right behind Wil. The mage turned to his new partner-in-heroics. "Brother!" shouted Gemini.

"Hey, retard!" said Galloway. He turned his attention back to Wil. "Look, we've been in business for a few weeks, and...we need your advice on a few things, like transportation."

"Thinking of getting a Task Force Mobile?" asked Wil. "Come on inside, we'll talk about this over some coffee." He turned to his two students. "You two just sit tight. Don't even think of using any magic until I get back!" With that, they stepped inside, while Gemini and Nel sat next to the house wall.

After a few minutes of doing nothing, followed by a few more minutes of doing nothing, Nel finally turned to Gemini. "Want to try to break the bottles?"

"...Are you sure about this?" asked Gemini. He knew his ass was on the line this time. "Maybe we should-"

"Come on, we'll be careful," said Nel. "Just use a little burst, and they'll only shatter a few inches."

Finally, Gemini caved in. "Fine, let's give it a shot. I'll go first." He raised his hands and folded them into a square, centering it over the centermost beer bottle. He closed his eyes, trying to focus only a small amount of energy into his spell. Finally, he released what he had gathered...



Wil and Galloway leaned over a series of superhero car types. "Now you see, the basic Batmobile style should serve you fine," said Wil.

"I was thinking more along the lines of something with flight," said Galloway. "Only a few of us have that power, and there's not enough room in the bunker for a whole fleet of things."

"We could always go with the Fantasticar model," said Wil. "Still, even something as lame as a Battle-van will be helpful, considering-" A loud crash was heard in the back yard, followed by a high-pitched scream. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

The two rushed into the back yard, and saw Nel covering her face, several glass shards embedded in her face. Several more were embedded into the wall, and a few made their way onto Gemini's palms. Wil's familial instincts kicked in, causing him to use the regular parental response: absolute panic. Galloway, meanwhile, ran back into the house to call for an ambulance, while Gemini simply stared in horror.



Galloway and Gemini sat in the hospital waiting room, while Wil, Nel, and Nel's family remained in one of the rooms. There were only a few magazines to read, and since all were in spanish, the two simply stared ahead. "I really screwed up this time," said Gemini.

"It was an accident," said Galloway. "As...unfortunate as it may be, I'm sure Wil and his family are completely understanding people and will gladly forgive you."

Suddenly, Wil stormed into the waiting room. Gemini didn't even bother to make eye contact. "How is she?"

"She's going to be fine," said Wil. "They had to perform surgery, but they fortunately still had a few elixers from my superhero days, so there's no permenant damage."

"That's good to hear," said Galloway.

"There is one more thing," said Wil. "Gemini, you are no longer my student. Please leave with your brother."

Both brothers jumped to their feet. "What?!" shouted Gemini.

"Look, I know my brother made a serious mistake," said Galloway. "But that's no reason to-"

"Galloway, you know your brother isn't exactly a fast learner," said Wil. "I'm having to hold Nel back because you can't even grasp the concept of restraint! I'm through teaching a dangerous little retard like you!"

The next image Wil saw was Galloway's fist flying to his face, followed by the saiyan growing farther away as he sailed down the hospital hallway, smashed through the wall, and crahsed into a wire fence. Galloway angrily marched to the dazed Wilfredo, more pissed off than could possibly be good for Wil's health. "Look, I'm sorry about Nelimar, but nobody calls my brother a retard, BUT ME!"

"Your brother is an immature menace," said Wil. "He could have killed Nel!"

"Maybe," said Galloway, "but he didn't. Just know that from this day on, we are no longer friends, or partners, or anything else that's even remotely positive! We are MORTAL ENEMIES!" With that, he marched to Gemini, grabbed his brother by the arm, and flew off. Meanwhile, Gemini looked back at the recovering Wil, trying to process what had just happened.



Galloway and Gemini sat in Galloway's room, which had not been touched in the last several weeks. Gemini continued to look through his spell book, while Galloway looked up possible models for the Task Force Mobile. "So, what are you going to do now?" asked Galloway.

"Probably look to change classes again," said Gemini. "Do you think Weiila needs a student?"

"Don't worry," said Galloway. "I'm sure you learned enough to study by yourself. Just try to stay home for a while. Mom and Dad have already been riding my butt about my choice in career; I don't need them going on about you every day and night."

Gemini smiled. "Are you...worried about me?"

Galloway's face immediately froze. "No! No! That's all a lie! A horrible lie! May you be run over by an entire convoy of snowmobiles!" An uneasy pause followed. "Get some sleep, kid. I'm going to apologize to Wil and his family in the morning. Maybe I can get him to take you back." He turned off his computer and climbed through his window. "I have to get back to the bunker before Pierson finishes off the sesame noodles." With that, he flew off, leaving only Gemini in the room. Perhaps, there would be a silver lining to this all...



Mabatsekker slowly lumbered out of bed, morning whiskey in his hand. He entered the door codes for the front door, revealing a recently-placed mailbox/newspaper box screwed into the side of the entrance. He slowly pulled the extra-large Sunday paper from the box, entered the bunker, and punched in the codes to close the door.

By this time, Galloway and demigod were also awake, watching TV on the computer screen. Mabat took a seat next to them, reading the paper all the while. Finally, Pierson and GG Crono joined them, having fallen asleep while counting the number of pieces of garlic bread they could eat before becoming violently ill. Sure enough, the previous night was yet another slow one.

Finally, Galloway climbed to his feet. "Sorry to run, all, but I've got to have a talk with Wil. See ya!" With that, he teleported out of the bunker...just as the Evil Space Ninjas jumped in from the ceiling, prepared to slice the Task Force apart with their laser-swords and explosive shuriken.



Galloway suddenly appeared inside Wil's house, floating immediately above Wil's head. The mage rolled off his couch in preperation for the freefall, but none came; instead, Galloway simply continued to float in the air. "Sorry to disturb you, Wil, but I didn't have the time to fly over."

"What do you want?" asked Wil.

Galloway continued to float around the room. "I just wanted to apologize for last night. Is that such a surprise?"

"No, especially since I was right about your brother," said Wil.

Galloway stopped floating around and landed on his feet. "Who said I was apologizing about my brother? I was sorry about slamming you through a wall! What you did to my brother was still cold and wrong!"

"He nearly ruined everything!" said Wil. "I wanted Nel to have some official training, something I never got. Instead, your brother blackmailed me into teaching both him AND Nel, and THEN went and sliced her face apart!"

"Last I heard, it was only a few stitches!" said Galloway. "It's nothing an elixir won't fix up! Besides, what if it wasn't Gemini's fault your niece couldn't figure it out!"

"Nelimar is one of the brightest girls I know!" said Wil. "It's a miracle Gemini's brain can even function enough to carry himself around!"

"I can't believe I apologized!" said Galloway. "You're still the same goddamn stubborn idiot you've always been!"

"Get the hell out of my house!" said Wil. Galloway nodded angrily, slammed open the door, and walked out of the building, stopping only to blow another hole in Wil's much-maligned wall. As Wil continued to fume, his phone began to ring, breaking him from his enraged trance and giving him even a tiny bit of purpose. "Hello?"

"Mr. Martinez," said the voice on the other end. "This is Nel's doctor. I...have some bad news. Your niece has been kidnapped."



The last of the Evil Space Ninjas fell as Galloway teleported back into the bunker. The other Task Force members were obviously exhausted and battered, except for demigod. "What the hell's going on?" asked GG Crono.

"I don't want to talk about it," said Galloway. "Now, who's up for pie?"



Wil joined the police in the room. Besides the fact that Nel's bed was empty, and a note was in her place, everything seemed completely undisturbed. "Whoever did this is plenty good," said one officer. "He managed to evade security, grab the girl, and leave without making a sound."

"Any idea how he did this?" asked Wil.

"There were no fingerprints," said another officer, "but we found a small amount of liquid on the pillow. We think it's chloroform."

"...Okay," said Wil. Already an idea began to form in his mind, but he quickly pushed it out. He walked to the window, noticing the freshly disturbed dust. As he looked at the window frame itself, he saw fresh, flat marks on the right end of the frame; whoever did this had pried his or her way inside, drugged Nel, and slipped back out. He looked at the ground below him, and saw only a small bit of grass; there were no bushes or other obvious noise makers to alert anyone.

Finally, Wil returned to the note. It was a finely written piece of work, all right:

"Wilfredo Martinez, you have ruined my life. Every breath you take from this moment on is an afront to all that is good and decent in this world. You have exactly 24 hours to give yourself to me, or your beloved niece will be given back a piece at a time. -JFG"

That was all he needed to know. He angrily crumpled the note in his hand, his face blushing with madness. "Call Nel's parents back," he said. "Tell them Nel's going to be back in time for lunch."



The entire Task Force sat at the kitchen table, several plates of chocolate cream pie in front of them. "Man, is there anything greater than chocolate cream pie?" asked Galloway.

"Not really," said Mabat. "Now, will you PLEASE tell us what the hell happened?"

"Okay, fine," said Galloway. "You remember my idiot of a brother? Well, yesterday he accidentally injured Wil's niece, Nelimar. Now Wil's on the warpath, Gemini's been cut loose, and I'm just waiting for the right chance to kill him." The rest of the Task Force simply stared on in silence. "NOW do you see why I wanted pie?"

"Shouldn't this be between Gemini and Nelimar?" asked Pierson. "Is this really the only issue at hand here?"

"That's really none of your business," said Galloway. "Can someone PLEASE pass the ketchup?"

Just as the entire force was going to respond with disgust at ketchup on pie, a blast of light emerged from behind Galloway. The force turned to the light, and saw Wilfredo standing there, still recovering from his teleportation spell. After several uncomfortable minutes, Wil finally spoke. "Galloway, where is Gemini?"

Galloway shrugged. "Today's Sunday, so he's not at school. Besides that, I have no idea what he does all day. What's it to you?"

Wil handed Galloway the kidnapper's note. "Nel was just kidnapped. The initials on the note are you brother's, aren't they? And whoever managed to break in had to have the skills of a ninja. Ring any bells?"

Galloway looked at the note, seemingly taking in every single aspect of its origin, writing, everything. He then handed the note back to Wil. "And just how long did it take you to reach this conclusion?"

"To be honest, I suspected it once the police described the scene," said Wil. "The note only confirmed them. Now, where the hell is he?"

Galloway jumped from his seat, barely controlling the urge to slam the chair across Wil's head. "Look, you bastard! I've had just enough of you and your damn attitude!"

"Boys, boys!" said GG Crono. "Can you PLEASE take it outside? We're trying to enjoy a nice pie here!"

"You treacherous bastard!" said Galloway.

"You ignorant brute!" said Wilfredo.

"That is it," said demigod. "I am sick and tired of having pie time disturbed. You two, go outside if you're going to fight!"

"Fine by me," said Wil.

"Let's do it," said Galloway.



Galloway came slamming down hard, crashing into the middle of the street. Wil teleported in next to him, levitated him with a float spell, and blasted him further into the air with a large Force Bolt. Galloway screamed all the way until he crashed onto the roof of the RPGCTV Building, just as the rooftop's cannon fired once again.

Meanwhile, Wil teleported onto the roof, only to find Galloway gone. He looked aorund in absolute confusion, but saw nothing. Finally, he looked up...just as Galloway's foot came crashing down, knocking Wil down several stories into the building. Galloway quickly flew down after him, reaching Wil just as the mage was begining to stand. As he began to grab the mage by the neck, Wil quickly used a blind spell, sending Galloway crumbling to the floor covering his eyes.

As Wil leaned in for the kill, he suddenly stopped. A few seconds later began to smile, and then chuckle, and finally doubled over in laughter. Galloway slowly recovered his vision, seeing Wil laughing over his formerly stunned body. "Don't you get it?" gasped Wil. "This whole's so pointless! We're just...waisting our time like a superhero crossover!"

Unfortunately, reasoning was never Galloway's strong suit. "You-You're laughing at me!" He powered up a Kaioken times 12 and punched Wil through the side of the building. He then charged forward to finish Wil off, only to be blasted with a combination of a fireball and a magic missile. Wil warped to the ground Galloway had slammed into, taking note of the saiyan's unconscious form.



A scream echoed from above, gradually growing louder until Gemini slammed through the ceiling, leaving a Gemini-shaped crater in the ground. After a few seconds of mass confusion, the dual class black mage-ninja rose from the pit he had just created to meet the confused crowd. "Nothing to worry about, folks. Just remember to never travel through cannon!"

Before anyone could stop him, he made his way to Nel's room, only to find it empty. He turned to a passing security guard. "Excuse me. Has this patient been released?"

"No, she's been kidnapped," said the guard. Gemini's eyes bulged open. "Mr. Martinez thinks it's some former student of his...a 'JF Gemini' or something." Gemini's jaw dropped open. "By the way, who are you?"

" name is...uh...Bill...Buckner," said Gemini.

"Well, it's an honor to meet you, Mr. Buckner," said the guard. He continued on his way, allowing Gemini to enter the room itself. He made his way to the window, taking note of the marks on the frame. He then examined the ground leading to the bed, and finally at the bed itself. He shook his head sadly; there was no way he was going to find anything to locate Nel.

Suddenly, he felt something begin to approach him from the window. The door slammed shut, as someone locked and blocked the door from outside. Gemini ducked next to the window, pulling out a retractable baton from his backpack. A figure pushed open the window and climbed through, clad completely in black and holding a large crowbar. Before he could move very far, Gemini slammed him across the back of the head with the baton. However, the blow sent the figure to the floor but not enough with enough force to knock him unconscious.

The figure turned over to face his attacker, and both shared a communal gasp. Gemini recognized a small symbol on the intruder's uniform as being an eye, the clan symbol for those employed by "The Eye." Meanwhile, the attacker recognized Gemini as the boy who dared to betray the ninja. Both knew this would end with one of them dead...



The remaining four members of the Task Force finished the last of the pie, including what was left of Galloway's piece. "Well, that was a nice break," said GG Crono. "Now how about stopping those two before they kill someone, worst of all each other."

"Sounds like a plan," said Pierson. "But first, we need to finish sorting our case files. Let them learn their lesson the hard way."



Wil slowly walked to Galloway, who was lying half-dead in the pit. "I already checked, and nobody was seriously injured," said Wil. "We got lucky. This whole thing was a complete waste of time." Galloway only grumbled a small reply. "Now, are you going to tell me where your brother is, or do I have to beat you some more?"

Galloway muttered another reply, and Wil jumped into the pit and lowered a healing potion to Galloway's lips. After a few seconds, Galloway's wounds closed and his burns subsided, but there were still a few obviously broken bones, along with a great deal of pain and agony. "Now, Galloway, where is your brother?"

Suddenly, Galloway's cell phone, which had somehow managed to stay completely unharmed throughout the whole ordeal, began to vibrate and belt out a badly-synthesized show tune. Growling and groaning in absolute pain, Galloway reached into his pocket and handed the phone to Wil. Reluctantly, Wil flipped the phone opened and answered. "Uh...hello?"

"Wil? What gives? I was calling my brother?"

"GEMINI!" shouted Wil. "Where the hell is Nel?"

"Why are you asking me that? Anyway, I just had a run-in with an old acquantince of mine, a Clan Eye ninja. Do you know anything about them?"

"They're the main assassination and reconnaisance arm of 'The Eye,' a vast group of smugglers and arms dealers," said Wil. He slowly began to stand, realization slowly hitting him. "Where'd you run into him?"

"I was trying to apologize to Nel. That ninja snuck in while I was still looking at the room. Fortunately, he was too afraid to fight, ran back outside, and was run over by a car. There was a note you might be interested in..."

"WHAT?!" shouted Wil.

"No need to shout! It's a ransom note; apparantly, the kidnapper wants you to go to the island the metahumans were being kept on, or Nelimar dies at noon."

"...Thanks, Gemini," said Wil. "I'll give Nel your apology." He hung up the phone and gave it back to Galloway. "Uh...sorry about that, man. Come on, let's get you to the Task Force HQ."



Wilfredo Martinez piloted his small craft to the island's docks. Once he was sure it wasn't an ambush, he climbed off the boat, staff and spells readied. Strangely enough, the steps leading up to the prison were completely unguarded; there weren't even any sentries in the towers. When he tried the doors, he found them completely unlocked. In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that the Nukleoids and PC Glenton were interred here, the entire facility would seem abandoned.

Suddenly, the thought of Nel being amongst these monsters rang alarm bells in his head. Now filled with more vigor, Wil stepped into the prison courtyard, taking note of just how empty the entire thing was. He then kicked the double doors to the prison cell blocks open, alerting everyone inside that he was there. A voice boomed over the loudspeaker. "Wilfredo Martinez, you've come just as I expected. We'll meet you in Cell Block A."

Cursing the kidnapper under his breath, Wil made his way to Cell Block A, where gangsters and drug smugglers were formerly kept, before the prison was reformatted to suit metahumans. On a raised platform at the end of the block, Nelimar was tied to the ceiling, her body completely covered with yellow rope. Next to her, a gun raised to her head, was...the prison warden. "Warden?" said Wil.

"I have a name," said the warden. "It's Joan Francine Gulliver. Just because you didn't bother to learn it doesn't mean you shouldn't call me by my real name."

"Okay, what the heck is this about?" asked Wil.

"You and your metahuman friends ruined everything," said the warden. "The Eye was paying me quite nicely to keep these freaks under control. And what do you do? You just come up, act all nice, and then BREAK THEM OUT! I was barely able to escape alive!"

"You were working for 'The Eye' the whole time?" said Wil.

"Don't you get it?" said the warden. "They wanted the superbeings banned so they could monopolize the market! We would have made a killing on the black market with these beings! And what now? You and your buddies opened registration again! You ruined the chance of a lifetime?!"

Wil's eyes narrowed. Despite his massive dislike for...Joan, he had always thought she was honest. Now he knew everything... "What do you want?"

The warden turned her gun towards Wil. "Revenge. Your life for your niece. This could have ended a LOT quicker, but that blasted student of yours got in the way!"

Suddenly, an ice bolt flew from the shadows, turning the gun to ice. The warden, Wil and Nel looked around in confusion as the gun shattered. Meanwhile, a massive explosion erupted across one of the walls, as the RPGC Task Force rushed inside. As if to accomidate this change, Eye Clan ninjas dropped from the ceiling, weapons raised. The two sides met in a massive battle, while Wil warped past the warzone and teleported to the catwalk. The warden removed a baton from her back and pressed a switch, stretching out the two ends into a staff.

As the battle continued to rage, a shadowy figure stepped from the darkness, approached Nel, pulled out a pocket knife, and cut the ceiling rope loose. Nel hit the ground hard, but seemed to be all right, and everyone else was too busy to notice her. Meanwhile, the battle against the ninjas began to progress in favor of the Task Force, while the fight between Wil and the warden continued to be a stalemate.

The shadowy figure lifted the confused Nel, who continued to mutter beneath her gag, and the figure began to skulk back towards the back exit. Suddenly, the final Eye Clan ninja hurtled towards the platform and slammed into the figure, knocking both it and Nel to the ground. A pure-black cloak fell off the figure, revealing the figure of a battered Gemini.

Wil's eyes suddenly opened wide, allowing the warden to sneak in an attack on the back on his legs. The mage fell to the ground, and the warden moved in for the kill. Fortunately, however, the Task Force managed to make their way up the platform and tackled the warden. As she lay there, Wil, Gemini, and a fully untied Nel approached her.

"You are a discrace to your already-discraced profession," said Wil. "I probably should snap your neck right now, but that would be an affront to everything superheroes represent. Instead..." He turned to Galloway. "Could you please snap both her legs?"

"With pleasure," snickered Galloway.



The Task Force, Wil, Nel, and Gemini assembled on Wil's boat, as it roared back to the mainland. "So, that's it, then?" asked Pierson.

"We need to head to a hospital," said Wil. "We need to make sure Nel is all right."

"Actually, I'm fine," said Nel.

"And what about Gemini?" asked Galloway. "Is he back with you?"

"...Actually, I think I have an idea," said Wil.

Suddenly, a piece of wood came out of nowhere and stabbed Galloway in the back. "...Set course for a hospital," he said, before falling unconscious.



Wil stood in front of the command room's broom closet, which was fortunately rather empty at the time, a spell book in his hands. He continued to mutter an alien series of words and phrases, as the broom closet began to progressively glow brighter and brighter. Finally, the entire closet was filled with a swirling blue portal. The Task Force oooed and awwed behind the mage as he closed the spell book.

"Well, that's that," said Wil. "Now, where's the guest of honor?"

Gemini came shambling out the back, clad in his usual ninja uniform/black mage robes and straw hat. In one hand he carried a metal rod, and a bag of holding was slung over his shoulder. "All right," said Wil. "You remember everything I told you?"

"Yes, just stick to the dimensions you went to on your journey, and don't enter the fanfiction multiverse," said Gemini. "I think I can remember all that."

"A good trip around the multiverse will do you good," said Wil. "With any luck, you'll have some sense of competence when you get back."

Gemini walked over to Galloway, who didn't even bother to look at him. After a few cold seconds, Gemini moved towards the portal and slowly stepped through vanishing as he did so. A few minutes after he had dissapeared completely, Wil raised his hands, and the portal closed.

"Well, that's that," said Wil. "Now who's up for-" The sight of Galloway's maniacal stare quickly shut the mage up. "Anyway, I'm going to hurry along now. Nel needs to be trained and all." With that, the mage warped out of the bunker.

"...Come on," said Galloway. "We have stuff to do."



A small chest on Wil's boat opened, revealing the form of PC Glenton. Smiling at the luck of his escape, he snuck out of the docks and made his way into the heart of RPGCity.


Continue to Part 3

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