Christmas Saga 2 Page 2
by d Galloway
Gemini found himself floating in space one again. Before him was a floating fireball, shaped vaguely like a bird. "JFGemini, you have been defeated again."
"Obviously," said Gemini. "What's going on now?"
"You will return to conciousness soon enough. In the meantime, we have much to talk about. Your attacker is mistaken. He shall not succeed in his plan."
"How do you know this? What about Elizabeth?"
"Return to the physical world, Gemini. The time to battle has come!"
Poke slammed the phone back down, breaking the desk in half. "Damn Galloway's out of range!"
"Would it make any differance?" asked demigod.
"He's right," said Heaven's Soldier. "Remember, Galloway's been banished until after New Years, so nobody gets chibified."
"AND we'd have to drop everything and run wherever he was," said Weiila. "We have to stop the revivalists and nutcases, remember?" Gregory and Martha weren't listening; they were too busy questioning and taking pictures of the pagan Val.
Suddenly, a note flew through the window. Poke unfurled the paper and read its contents:
"Below are the directions to the enemy armies. Destroy them, and RPGC shall be safe."
Sure enough, there was a large map at the bottom of the paper, leading to two different locations.
Wil picked himself off the black, volcanic sand, his body still wracked from the shipwreck. Cedric, meanwhile, pulled himself out from under the wreckage and perched on a nearby rock. "Oh, I don't like this place," said Cedric.
"Same here," said Wil. "Let's just finish Mordack off."
Wil climbed up the nearby mountain path, eventually reaching a long plateau. Before him stood a path, flanked by a pair of giant snake statues. At the far end, he saw a large castle, seemingly built out of the very rock. Unnerved, Wil started forward, until the snake statues started to flicker and glow. Panicing, he jumped forward as a pair of lasers fired from the statue eyes. During his dive, the crystal fell out of his pocket, landing directly into the lasers' line of fire. The crystal absorbed the energy, and fired it right back at the statues, blowing them apart.
Dusting himself off, Wil continued forward, finally reaching the entrance to the castle. Strangely enough, though, there was no bridge leading to the gate; instead, there was a pit filled with flame, which was fueled by a river of lava. Cedric flew in, landing on a nearby banister. "Well, there's no way in. Let's go back, Wil."
"Shut up, Cedric!" said Wil. He then saw a side path, leading to the back of the castle. After a brief jog, Wil reached the end of the path; a tiny courtyard, with a trapdoor directly in the center. Pulling out his crowbar, Wil pried the trapdoor open and propped it in place with the bar. "Oh, don't go down there, Wil!" said Cedric. "You don't know what's down there!"
"Well, do you have any better ideas?!" shouted Wil.
"Uh, no," said Cedric. "Say, why don't I stay here as a lookout?"
"That's a GREAT idea, Cedric!" said Wil, rejoycing that there was no owl to worry about for a while. He slid down the trap door and into the basement.
Gemini and kiro finally snapped back to reality, only to find themselves back in Galloway's car. "Before you ask," said Galloway, "the cloakede guy kicked our asses and captured Elizabeth. Now we have to go back to RPGC and stop the madman's plans from finishing. In other words, we have to kick ass and chew bubblegum!"
Kiro practically jumped through the roof, as Gemini sat cold and calculating.
Darkness Beckons watched the RPGC Task Force and allies march to their predestined targets. "They are indeed doomed," he said. "I guess I should do something."
After several agonizing minutes of walking and twisting through the underground maze, Wil reached the exit door. After a bit of shoving, Wil forced the door open, and found himself in Mordack's pantry. Shifting through the rotten food and bulging cans, Wil pulled out a bag of dried peas, which would probably be useful for some reason.
The next room was the kitchen. A long, wooden table sat in a corner, strangely forlorn and covered with dust. A fire roared in the fireplace, providing the only light in the entire chamber. In the far corner was a poor girl, washing the stone floor. She looked strangely familiar to Wil.
"Jingle?" he gasped.
The girl looked up, an expression of fear on her face. It slowly turned to one of joy, as she jumped up and hugged the black mage. "Oh, Wil! It's been terrible here!"
Wil stepped back, breaking their embrace. "What happened here? Why was Santa's workshop taken?"
"I met Mordack at a good-evil party a few years ago," said Jingle. "We had a brief relationship, nothing too serious, you know? I guess he didn't take us breaking up too well. He's captured the workshop and kept me imprisoned here until I marry him."
"Sounds like a standard evil wizard to me," said Wil. "Should I beat the ever-loving shit out of him?"
"Be careful, Wilfredo!" said Jingle. "Mordack is much more powerful than you are. The only way to stop him is to use a wand to increase your own power. Now, I must get back to work, or he will begin to suspect something. Don't let him know you're here."
Wil made his way to the next room, a long hallway leading to the dining room. However, before he could take five steps, a bllue monster jumped out of nowhere, grabbed Wil, and threw him througha dimensional portal.
Mitchell was in the middle of a game of Gin Rummy with Gregory and Martha when the phone rang. The drunken ball of flesh grabbed the phone. "Hello? GALLOWAY! WHERE'S ELIZABETH?...What?! Okay, I'll meet you at the border." He slammed the phone down in a hurry.
Wil flew through time and space, until he was dumped into a large jail cell. In a mousehole, he saw a piece of mouldy cheese, which he hooked out with his fish hook for no good reason.
Finally, a nearby stone fell to the ground. Jingle crawled through the hole. "Wilfredo! You can use this to escape! Just don't let the guard catch you again; I can't risk letting Mordack suspect anything." She crawled back out, as Wil crawled through the hole.
Poke, Weiila, Heaven's Soldier, F. Galloway, and demigod arrived at the revivalist compound. The enemy was already there, being led by Goodwright.
Valkyrie Esker, Starstorm, Pierson, and Mabatsekker arrived at the nutcase compound. The enemy was already there, being led by Goodwright.
Wil returned to the castle pantry, went through the kitchen, and returned to the hallway. Once again, the blue monster showed up. Wil ripped open the bag of peas and spilled them on the ground in front of him. The monster ran onto the peas, started flailing around in space, and finally fell face-first on the ground. Wil quickly darted past the monster, through the dining room, through a treasure room, up a staircase, into a bedroom, and into a library. Now assured he was safe, Wil started looking through the books. The only book that was useful was a spell book on transformation. The only four spells he had time to memorize, however, was "Tiger," "Rabbit," "Mongoose," and "Make Rain."
A man appeared in the bedroom, climbed into the bed, and fell asleep. Wil snuck out of the libary and approached the man. It was a rather handsome man, with a full black beard and blue cloak. On a nearby nightstand sat a magic wand, still glowing with energy. Wil quickly grabbed the wand and snuck out of the bedroom. He made his way to another room, this one some kind of laboratory. Finally, in a clear jar in a corner, sat the shrunken workshop, its shrunken elves trying desperately to climb out.
Wil looked around, until he saw a large machine. On its side was a sign, reading, "Wand Power-Transferance Machine." Wil climbed up the stairs and made his way to the machine. He placed Chrispen's wand on one platform, the wizard's wand of the other, and use the mouldy cheese as a fuel source. The machine sputtered to life, sending lights and flashes everywhere. Finally, the machine stopped. The wizard's wand stopped glowing, while Chrispen's wand started glowing with unbelievable energy.
Wil grabbed the wand, just as a voice boomed from behind. "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" Wil turned, and saw the wizard standing on the floor below him, hands on his hips, his face filled with rage. It was most certainly Mordack.
"I'll take care of you...YOU SWINE!" said Mordack. He raised his hand, and his wand flew from the machine and into his hand. The moment it reached his cruel fingers, Cedric flew in from a nearby open window.
"Oh, Wilfredo!" shouted Cedric. "I've heard from Chrispen. He's-"
Mordack fired a bolt of energy from his wand. The energy hurtled into Cedric just as he was passing in front of Wil. The owl hurtled to the ground, its body limp, broken, and silent.
Mordack snarled, and aimed the wand again, but the wand only fizzled and died. "What the- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY WAND!" Wil readied his own wand as Mordack fumed. "You think you have beaten me, little man? HA! Let me show you a thing or two!" Mordack waved his wand again, and suddenly transformed into an enormous dragonfly. The insect flew to the second floor, its hot breath nearly incinerating Wil. Wil waved the wand, and transformed into a tiger.
"Why, you little-!" said Mordack. Wilfredo roared at the giant insect, until it flew back to the ground. Wil jumped to the ground, landing in front of the insect. Mordack waved its thorax, and transformed into a large, fire-breathing dragon. Wil waved his paws, and transformed into a rabbit. Mordack started breathing fire, sending fireballs everywhere. The rabbit Wil hopped around, dodging all the deadly blasts. Finally, Mordack started panting.
"You think you're so smart, don't you? Well, I've got you now!" The dragon transformed into a king cobra, slithering closer to the rabbit. "Ssssssssay goodbye, YOU SWINE!" Wil wiggled his nose, and transformed into a mongoose. He jumped at Mordack, ripping into the snake's body and tearing its flesh. Finally, Mordack started gasping yet again, as Wil fell back to the center of the lab.
"Sssssso," said Mordack, "this is the way you want to play." The evil wizard suddenly transformed into a ring of fire, and surrounded Wil completely. Wil rolled his neck, and transformed back into a human. He raised his wand, and summoned a small black cloud. Rain started pouring onto the fire.
Mordack was only able to get off an, "Oh, SH-!" before he was completely doused. Not a trace of the evil wizard remained. Wil smiled as the victory music played in the background.
The car raced past the Canadian border, nearly destroying many of the guard booths stationed there. The two guards from before watched the car raced off. "Damn Americans," said the first guard.
"Sinners!" shouted Goodwright. "You shall be purged from this earth! Go, my followers! Attack!"
The revivalists raced forward, shouting like the madmen they were. Poke's half of the RPGC Task Force raced forward to meet them.
"Puppets!" shouted Goodwright. "We'll wipe you out along with the Illuminati! Go, my freedom fighters! Attack!"
The nutcases raced forward, shouting like the madmen they were. Val's half of the RPGC Task Force raced forward to meet them.
Wil waved his wand at the shrunken workshop, but the wand only fizzled and died. "NOW why won't you work?" shouted Wil. He threw the wand to the ground in disdain, as Jingle entered the lab.
Wil turned towards the girl. "Oh, Jingle! Well, I did it. Mordack is dead. He turned into a fire, and I put him out with rain water."
"He was always a bit of an idiot," said Jingle. "Now, why don't we just unshrink the workshop and return to the North Pole?"
"That's the problem," said Wil. "The wand stopped working again. I don't know how to return Santa's Workshop to normal!"
"After all this?" sighed Jingle. "There must be a way!"
Suddenly, another puff of smoke appeared. From the cloud emerged Chrispen. "At last, I found you, Wilfredo Martinez! I heard that you and Cedric had reached Mordack's castle by yourselves, but I never expected you to defeat Mordack himself so quickly! You have done the world a great favor!"
"Thanks for the thanks, Chrispen," said Wil, "but we're still stuck! Can you unshrink the workshop!"
"That will not be a problem," said Chrispen. He grabbed the wand, gave it a wave, and sent a tiny whirlwind around the workshop. After a few seconds, the whirlwind and workshop both dissapeared. "Now, let's send you back home!"
Wil suddenly remembered Cedric. His conscience kicked in yet again. "Chrispen, Mordack may have killed Cedric. Can you help him?"
"Ah, of course!" said Chrispen. He waved his wand and shouted, "ABRA...CADABRA!"
Cedric suddenly sprang back to life, completely undamaged. "Oh, thank you, Chrispen!"
Wil smiled, but hated himself on the inside. Chrispen waved his wand again, and both Wil and Jingle dissapeared.
The revivalists continued their assault, but were falling back against the Task Force. "They're on the run!" shouted Heaven's Soldier, ripping through the enemies with his twin sword techniques.
"These guys are complete wusses!" shouted demigod, vaporizing the enemy revivalists with several hundred spells.
"I can't believe I was captured by these guys!" shouted Weiila, snapping them back with a few well-placed whips to the crotch.
"IT IS TOO LATE!" shouted Goodwright. "NINJAS! ATTACK!"
Suddenly, hordes of ninjas jumped out from behind. "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?!" shouted F. Galloway.
The nutcases continued their assault, but were falling back against the Task Force. "They're on the run!" shouted Val, impaling the enemies with her magic spear.
"These guys are complete wimps!" shouted Pierson, stabbing the enemy nutcases with his sword.
"I can't believe I was captured by these guys!" shouted Starstorm, tearing them apart with a few well-timed Pixy Stixs attacks.
"IT IS TOO LATE!" shouted Goodwright. "NINJAS! ATTACK!"
Suddenly, hordes of ninjas jumped out from behind. "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?!" shouted Mabatsekker.
Wil and Jingle both arrived at Santa's flying space fortress. Santa himself was already there, busy going through three auditoriums full of letters, dividing them into naughty, nice, and requests for a baby brother or sister. When he saw the two standing there, he jumped to his feet and hugged the two.
After a few tense minutes, Santa released the two from his death grip. "Wil, you need to return to RPGC. There is an urget situation on hand."
It was already sunset when Galloway's car reached the RPGC border. Kiro and Gemini both jumped out, while Mitchell, Gregory and Martha approached the car.
"Mitchell," said Galloway, "call Videospirit. We need him to find Elizabeth. Meanwhile, my brother and kiro will go to the battlefield. I'll take the TV Land-rejects and try to find a back door to the battle." Gregory and Martha jumped into the car, and Galloway drove back and around the border.
Against the combined armies, the Task Force started to fall back. The revivalists continued their pounding assault.
Against the combined armies, the Task Force started to fall back. The nutcases continued their pounding assault.
The two halves of the RPGC Task Force finally backed into each other, the enemy armies pounding them like a hammer on a box of thin nails. "This is bad," said Poke. "We didn't plan on ninjas showing up."
"Chameleon said that the ninjas weren't aligned with any side," said Weiila.
"That's funny," said Starstorm. "Smoke said the same thing!"
Reverend Goodwright watched as his armies marched towards victory. He didn't see Gemini appear behind him until after the black mage had begun talking. "Are you having fun, Reverend?"
Goodwright turned aroud, and smiled at the black mage. "Your unpure kind will soon be erased from this world! Enjoy your last few minutes of life, sinner!"
"Who are you to judge a sinner?" asked Gemini. "Isn't God the only one that can truly judge a person?"
"God? GOD!" shouted the Reverend. "None of this is about GOD! This is about power over humanity! I can give out any order, and these sheep will blindly follow it! I AM GOD HIMSELF!"
"Thanks for clarifying," said Gemini. He then saw Galloway's car pulling up towards the armies from behind. "By the way, there's d Galloway." He teleported away as Goodwright turned around and saw the car.
Punk Rocker Goodwright watched as his armies approached victory. He didn't see kiro jump up behind him until she started talking. "Hello, Mr. Bad Guy!"
Goodwright turned around, and smiled at the catgirl. "It's too late, Illuminati scum! People shall soon have the freedom they desire!"
"But how?" asked kiro. "How will you give EVERYONE freedom?"
"EVERYONE freedom? Ha!" shouted Goodwright. "This is freedom for me and my followers! I will bring the world under my own control! Soon, the Illuminati will be replaced with only me!"
"Thanks!" said kiro. She then saw Galloway's car pulling up towards the armies from behind. "Hey, there's Mr. Galloway!" She ran off as Goodwright turned and saw the car.
A pair of loudspeakers boomed from out of nowhere, overshadowing the madness below. Both Goodwrights came on at the same time, and shouted, "KILL D GALLOWAY!"
The RPGC Task Force turned, and saw Galloway approached the armies and ninjas, his sword drawn. The armies turned towards him and prepared to fire. Galloway reached into his pocket and pulled out a device. He pressed a button, and the loudspeakers came on again. They replayed the exact same conversations the Goodwrights had given, explaining their REAL motivations for everything. The two armies looked around in disbelief, then turned to their leaders, filled with unholy anger and fenzy. The Goodwrights panicked, and ran off.
Gemini and kiro smiled from behind the radio equipment, and gave each other a hi-five.
The Goodwrights finally ran into each other. "It's your fault!" said Reverend Goodwright. "You just HAD to give the whole plan up!"
"MY fault!" shouted Nutcase Goodwright. "YOU screwed up, too!"
"You both screwed up," said another voice. The two brothers turned, and saw Darkness Beckons swing his weapon. Soon, there were two fewer scum in the world.
The rest of the ninjas fell quickly, and the revivalists and nutcases wandered off, silently defeated. The RPGC Task Force started healing themselves up as Wilfredo suddenly teleported in, and Galloway continued his approach. Gregory and Martha, meanwhile, drove up in the car.
Poke quickly ran up to Galloway. "There's no thanks needed," said Galloway. "I just-"
Poke twirled Galloway around and slammed handcuffs on. "You were banished from RPGC, remember? You took exactly eighteen steps past the border!"
Videospirit was resting on his spaceship, the Valkery, when the TroubAlert went off. He quickly pressed the answer switch, and jumped behind his chair when Mitchell's ugly mug appeared on the screen.
"Videospirit?" said Mitchell. "We have a job for you."
"All right," said Video, slowly returning from behind his chair. "Who do I need to help?"
"A girl's been kidnapped by a maniac in a cloak," said Mitchell. "We need you to find her AND try to rescue her."
"I'll need some help," said Video, "but I could probably do that. Just send me a DNA sample, and I'll find her for you."
Mitchell went to Galloway's cell and pulled a few brown hairs off his shoulder. He then placed them into a cylinder and sent it through a large tube into space.
The cylinder finally reached the ship, where it was taken inside and given to Videospirit. He took the hair and placed it into the computer. After a few minutes, the computer showed a world map, with a spot in the God-Forsaken Hell Hole Called North Dakota being especially highlighted.
Finally, he pushed a few more buttons, until a flashing sign reading "Communication Online" appeared.
Somewhere deep within North Korea, Korey Nagumo turned on his videophone. He winced when he saw Videospirit's ugly mug looking at him. "Hey, Nagumo!" shouted Video. "How've you been?"
"Very well," said Nagumo. "Now, why have you called me? This had better be important."
"Possibly," said Video. "There's a missing person's case in North Dakota. It seems to be related with an organization that's trying to take over the world."
"I take it this is from RPGC," said Nagumo. "Very well, but what does this have to do for me?"
"I need your help," said Video. "The actual kidnapper single-handedly took out Galloway, Gemini and kiro."
"...I see," said Nagumo. " Very well. I will meet you in North Dakota."
Elizabeth woke up in a large metal chair, surrounded by an army of cloaked figures. In front of her stood the MAIN cloaked figure, holding a long cattle prod. "Hello, Trisha," said the cloaked figure. "You have finally awaken."
"Where am I?" asked Elizabeth. "Why'd you take me here?"
"I think you do not understand the situation," said the cloaked figure. "You do not ask the questions; I do." He jammed the prod into the girl, sending her into violent convulsing fits. After about ten painful seconds, he withdrew, and Elizabeth gasped for air in pain.
After an eternity of waiting, Video saw a plan landing in the North Dakota airfield. Nagumo climbed out, still clad in his North Korean uniform. The plan took back off in a hurry as Nagumo looked around the eerie airfield. "So this is North Dakota. It's even more disgusting than I heard."
Video approached Nagumo and shook his hand. "Thanks for coming. Now, let's kick some ass!"
"Of course," said Nagumo. "I don't intend to stay in this...place for longer than needed."
Poke and Weiila dragged the metal crate into the station, and made their way to Galloway's cell. "We need to go get the lid," said Poke, "but when we get back, we're throwing you into the crate, which goes into a river, which is then thrown into outer space."
"We won't let you chibify another person ever again!" cackled Weiila. She and Poke went back outside, leaving Wilfredo as a guard, as Galloway sat to ponder his fate. Suddenly, he remembered his cell phone, and came up with a brilliant plan.
Video and Nagumo finally reached a barren area in the God-Forsaken Hell Hole Called North Dakota. "According to the map," said Nagumo, "the enemy should be just around here."
Video looked at the ground, and saw a recently-disturbed patch of earth. He scattered the dirt, and found a large metal trap door. The two pulled it loose, and slowly started climbing down a metal ladder.
Elizabeth continued to gasp, her cat ears frizzled, her left eye half-closed from repeated zaps and punches. The cloaked figure still stood in front of her, holding a barely-working cattle prod. "I told you, Trisha, I am in charge here!"
"You...sick...wierdo," gasped Elizabeth.
"Don't judge me, Trisha," said the cloaked figure. "You do not know the truth behind everything yet."
The enemy compound was made out of solid steel, with various security cameras and robots stationed everywhere. Fortunately, there was a serious lack of human guards, which made it a bit predictable in tactics.
Finally, after numerous instances of dodging and fighting, Video and Nagumo found what looked like an interrogation room. Through the door, they heard what sounded like female screams and moans, along with taunts from a male guy. The door was obviously lock, but there was a nearby air vent for their convenience.
Galloway turned on his cell phone, flattened himself against the wall, and called the police station. Wilfredo went to answer the phone, his back turned to the hiding Galloway.
"Help!" shouted Galloway, trying his best to disguise his voice. "I'm trapped on the third floor of the police station!"
"There IS no third floor!" said Wil.
"Uh...there is on Earth-J," said Galloway.
Wil's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. "Oh, shit! The last thing we need right now is a reality-destroying multi-dimensional crossover made only to erase any semblance of historicle continuity!" Wil slammed the phone down and ran outside, while Galloway turned his attention to the far wall.
Nagumo crawled through the air duct, until he reached the end of the duct. Through a vent, he saw what was most certainly an interrogation. Tied to a chair was a catgirl, badly beaten and bruised. In front of her was a host of cloaked figures, as well as a central figure.
"You are a difficult subject," said the cloaked figure, "but I will show you the truth."
"What truth?" coughed the catgirl.
"Galloway is to blame for our fall and destruction," said the cloaked figure. "Yours, as well. I will show you the truth of his transgressions." The cloaked figure pulled back his hood. The catgirl's face twisted in horror, as Nagumo's eyes narrowed. "This is interesting."
He started to crawl back out, until he heard a definate scraping sound. The cloaked figures turned in response, as an alarm went off.
"Don't bother me with this crap, Wil," said Poke. "We need to throw Galloway into the river!"
"But-" Wil began. They entered the station again, and saw the wall to Galloway's cell smashed down. Wil sighed. "I'm such a dummy."
Galloway started towards his car, only to be intercepted by both Val and Crotanks. Weiila, Wil and Poke ran up from behind, chaining Galloway to the ground before he could move.
"It's over, you sicko!" said Weiila. "At last, I'll make it a year without chibifying!"
Suddenly, a series of trumpets blared from nowhere. A limo pulled up next to the stunned group. The doors opened, and Merlin, Kagon and Sinistral stepped out, wearing nicely-colored hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts. "Hey, Weiila!" shouted Merlin. "We were in Maui for two weeks! Did we miss anything?"
"Not much," said Poke. "We just banished Galloway so nobody would be chibified for one year."
"...I see," said Kagon. "And just WHO approved this?"
"Just about everyone here," said Weiila, "including internim commander 984."
Sinistral took a deep breath. "You haven't looked at the latest report, have you?" He threw a heavy binder at Weiila, who quickly caught it. "We ran thorough tests on Galloway earlier. He doesn't cause chibifyings more than anyone else on Earth. In fact, it's WEIILA who jinxes everyone!"
Everyone eyed Weiila evilly. She just looked downcast. "Okay, we'll drop the charges against Galloway. And I'll leave RPGC."
"There's no need!" said Wilfredo. "You see, the dimensional crossover has taught me a valuable lesson! We shouldn't exclude people because of their horrible pasts. Who knows? We might need a super-powered human shield, and if Zero's not around, Galloway could do."
"How sentimental," said Galloway, having ripped the chains apart already.
"So now that this nightmare's done with," said Merlin, "we have to return to Castle RPGC. We need to put an end to 984's reign of tyranny."
Nagumo jumped out of the vent, only to find a half-dozen armored military robots aiming at his head. Videospirit was already there, tied up by several cloaked figures. "It's over," said one of the cloaked figures. "Robots, FIRE!"
Castle RPGC was surrounded by various weaponry and soldiers, as the villainous 984 waited within. The mightiest warriors of RPGC grabbed their weapons/spells/whatever and charged into battle...a battle that lasted many, many days.
(BUT YOU'LL SEE NONE OF IT!)
Nagumo reached into the back of his belt and pulled out a scrambler gernade. He grabbed onto the top of the nearest military bot and vaulted over just as the gunfire erupted, rendering the floor and wall of where Nagumo was standing to a few tiny pieces of scrap metal. Nagumo slammed the scrambler on the back of the robot and jumped back, just as the weapon exploded.
The robots twirled about madly for a few seconds, then turned towards each other. Their weapons locked, their programming horribly altered, the machines started to blast each other, tearing apart vital circutry and innards.
The cloaked figures tried desperately to re-establish control over their dying creations, turning their eyes off Videospirit. Video quickly entered his spirit form, shedding the ropes like they were made of butter. After the last of the robots had collapsed into a useless pile of machinery, the cloaked figures returned their attention to the now-monstrous Video, and just as quickly messed themselves and ran off.
Pitch continued his campaign to corrupt children. Unfortunately, the legend of Santa Claus was too cemented into their minds for him to do anything. Fortunately for him, he managed to corrupt half of Argentina, but nobody cared.
Videospirit and Nagumo continued their race through the halls, trying desperately to reach the exit. Unfortunately, there was an armed entourage of guards that way, and the two were forced to retreat deeper into the underground fortress.
After hours of pointless running-and-gunning, they reached another ladder leading down, at the end of a suspicious-smelling hallway. With no other choice, they jumped down.
When their feet hit the fouled, putrid sewer water, they soon regretted their decision. The guards above fell back, even more vulnerable to the stench for some reason. Undaunted, Video and Nagumo turned on their handy flashlights and continued farther into the vast, dark, smelly recesses of the sewer.
After about two hours of tunnel crawling, a strange whirring sound came out of the darkness. A strange hovering robot came forward, sending lights shining everywhere. Before the two could hide, the lights centered on them, an alarm went off, and the robot started firing a machine gun at its base. Video turned back to spirit, while Nagumo jumped behind a nearby wall, pulled out his handgun, and fired a shot square into the robot's eye. It started sparking, then finally fell to the ground.
Suddenly, even more robots started appearing. Undaunted, the two started running like hell, randomly ducking in and out of nooks and cranneys while the robots continued shooting at them. Finally, they reach another ladder, which they quickly climbed.
After opening another trap door, they ended up in a remote area of North Dakota. They breathed in the fresh air, barely alive after enduring fouler smells than the mustard gas attacks of World War 1.
(THE BATTLE CONTINUED TO RAGE. TOO BAD YOU CAN'T SEE IT, HUH?!")
"So, we failed," said Video. "Any idea how to get back there?"
"Unfortunately, no," said Nagumo. "However, we now know what they are capable of."
"...Excuse me?" asked Video.
"They have access to extremely advanced military weaponry," said Nagumo. "I doubt any nation on Earth has this same level of technology. Also, they have a vast, fully-operational underground base, which is also connected to the sewers, allowing an optional escape route. Finally, they were torturing their female hostage, and it was during this that I learned more about their identities."
"Do tell," said Video.
"We don't have time for that knowledge," said Nagumo. "First, we need to plan our next strike, THIS TIME with a more sizable force. First, we will need to seal off the sewers, as to prevent any possible escape through that route. That will require a demolitions expert, as well as a sizable enough force to last against the security measures. Second, we will need to take down their weaponry. The security robots must be connected to a central computer. If we destroy it, we will cripple the enemy."
"And just HOW do you propose we do this?" asked Video. "We don't know where the computer is, OR how to take out an entire army of robots AND a sewer passage."
"Just wait a few days," said Nagumo. "I do not think they intend to kill their hostage, and we can use the time for further scouting and planning. We also need to call RPGC."
(Christmas Eve Morning, After The Battle Against 984)
"Man, THAT was a good battle!" said Sinistral.
"They don't make them like that anymore," said Kagon.
"Let's go grab a few new games to celebrate!" said Merlin. The three ran off, while Weiila and Shalcar were busy sewing 984 back together.
Galloway turned on the police station laptop, where he found an e-mail waiting for him. In the back room, the despairing Gregory and Martha were busy crying their eyes out, while Poke was busy on garbage duty with the wasted kleenex. The e-mail was from Videospirit:
"RPGC: Go to North Dakota. Elizabeth Jones located. Help required."
Galloway grabbed everyone nearby (Weiila, Starstorm, Poke, Crotanks, Heaven's Soldier, Wilfredo Martinez, Pierson, Mabatsekker, demigod, Valkyrie Esker, F. Galloway, Darkness Beckons, Gemini, kiro, Gregory, Martha, and Mitchell), and all of them teleported to North Dakota.
The minute the massive group arrived, Videospirit and Nagumo ran up to them, armed with a big map. They gathered around a makeshift picnic table, where Nagumo unfurled his plans.
"After numerous scouting missions," said Nagumo, "we have located the two nerve centers of the base. The first is the central computer, which controls the security robots. The second is the sewers, which provide an escape route. We need to destroy both of these to possibly rescue the girl."
"Nice map," said Galloway. "Really upper-class."
"Unfortunately," said Nagumo, "that still leaves the other guards, which number in the hundreds, if not thousands. Fortunately, we have a known weakness they all share: they all hate d Galloway."
Everyone turned to Galloway, who let out a heavy sigh. "All right, I'll do it."
Two cloaked figures were standing guard when Galloway approached, waving a white flag. The figures quickly raced forward, tied him up, and dragged him inside. From the distance, Nagumo watched.
"They seem to wish death upon Galloway," said Nagumo. "If he reacts as planned, they will be too busy dealing with him to deal with us."
Galloway was lead through a procession to the head cloaked figure, who was busy waiting with a sword. "You have no idea how long we have waited for this, d Galloway."
"Oh, really?" asked Galloway. "Maybe NOW you can explain what the hell's been going on?"
"You will see soon," said the cloaked figure. "Now, take him away to his cell!" The two cloaked figures started to take him away, but the cloaked figure raised his hand again. "Let Ezekiel-2 and Zoe-4 take him. We need you two to stand guard."
The two cloaked figures pulled back, and two much shorter members grabbed Galloway and led him out of the room.
"We have the positions already planned," said Videospirit. "Starstorm, you will lead the group into the sewers. Weiila, you will lead the group to the computer. The sewer team will consist of Heaven's Soldier, Pierson, F. Galloway, kiro, and Crotanks. The computer team will consist of Mabatsekker, Wilfredo Martinez, Poke, Valkyrie Esker, Gemini, and Mitchell. Nagumo and I will take the rear, and lead te charge in once the security measures have been eliminated."
"What about our daughter?" shouted Martha. "Will she escape alive?"
"I cannot guarantee that," said Nagumo. "We will try our best, however."
"Yeah...your best," said Gregory. He and Martha started away, with Gregory muttering, "Dirty Commies."
Galloway was taken into a small metal cell, with only a single cot and a window seeing nowhere. The two little figures started to leave, but before they could get far, Galloway grabbed them both by the back of the cloaks and pulled them inside, remembering to close the door behind him.
The two cloaked figures struggled and shouted, but Galloway managed to stun one with a pinch on the back of the neck and grab the other against the wall. "Now, it's time for some answers," said Galloway.
He pulled back his captives' hood, and saw a 12-year-old boy looking at him. The most startling feature, however, was his pair of elf ears, which were the ONLY elfish feature on his entire body. The other cloaked figure jumped back to conciousness, removing its own hood. It was a 11-year-old girl, who, like Elizabeth, also had a pair of cat ears.
"I was not assigned anything," said Darkness Beckons.
Videospirit and Nagumo returned to their plans briefly, then looked back at Darkness Beckons. "We did not plan on another person," said Nagumo. "However, we do have a job for you. We need you to go and get our lunch."
"A...kid elf?" asked Galloway. "And ANOTHER catgirl?"
The boy slammed his teeth into Galloway's hand, drawing some blood. Galloway, however, didn't let go. "I see we have a vampire-elf on our hands," said Galloway, pulling the brat in even closer. "You're making me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry."
The boy pulled off Galloway's shades, blinding Galloway with the natural light of the world. His grip loosened, allowing the boy to escape. The girl, meanwhile, kicked Galloway in the shin and punched him in the crotch. The two ran desperately to the door, but unfortunately for them, there was no doorknob on the inside...and Galloway had finally recovered.
Starstorm, Heaven's Soldier, Pierson, F. Galloway, kiro, and Crotanks made their way into the sewers, following a dimly-lit series of tunnels and sparking robot remains. "See anything remotely dangerous yet?" asked Starstorm.
"Nothing yet," said Pierson. "Does anyone know where we're supposed to blow shit up?"
"We don't need one," said Crotanks. "According to Videospirit, there's only one entrance to the sewers from the base, and that's through the ladder at the south end. Apparantly, they never planned on running."
"With their defenses?" asked Heaven's Soldier. "If they're even HALF as deadly as Video and Nagumo described, they could probably take down the entire US Military and Canadian Air Force combined."
Kiro started to slow down and sputter. F. Galloway grabbed her body and dragged her to Starstorm. "Star," she said, "we need some sugar FAST!"
Star sighed, reaching into his pockets, and pulled out a pixy stick. He ripped open the package and poured its contents down kiro's throat. The catgirl sprang to life and ran off into the distance, setting off numerous alarms. Star looked back at the empty package. "Damn, I used too much."
Kiro finally ran back, and down the correct tunnel, as an army of hovering robots swarmed at the group. F. Galloway and Cro immediately started firing energy beams at the ever-growing numbers, while Heaven's Soldier and Pierson ripped through them with numerous sword techs, and while Starstorm tore through the robots with his long claws. After a few minutes, however, they were forced to run down the tunnels, until they finally reached their intended target.
Kiro was already standing there, panting in her catgirl-like way. "WHATTOOKYOUGUYSSOLONG?!" she shouted. When the last of Star's ineffectual group were past the threshold, kiro started firing. Her bazooka rounds tore through the walls, burying the entire tunnel AND the pursuing robots.
(WHILE THAT WAS GOING ON)
Weiila, Mabatsekker, Wilfredo Martinez, Poke, Valkyrie Esker, Gemini, and Mitchell made their way into the enemy base, desperately trying to avoid any and all guards. "Any idea what the crap we're doing?" asked Weiila.
"Not a clue," said Mabat. "All I know is we're taking out a big computer."
"AND we need to fight an army of robots," said Val. "That's what I'm looking forward to."
"AND we have a drunk slob walking with us," said Gemini.
"AND a scrawny little mage has a death wish," said Mitchell.
"AND I'm sick of this running gag," said Wil.
"AND I fully agree with Wilfredo," said Poke.
Finally, they reached the main computer room. As they approached the door, however, secret panels in the walls slid open, revealing armies of military bots.
Weiila stood over the armies of dead robots, holding the motherboard of one of them in her bloodied hands. Wilfredo and Mabat both tried desperately to cool their hands off, while Gemini de-transformed. demigod finally finished vaporizing the other guards, while Mitchell shot out the computer.
(WHILE ALL THIS WAS GOING ON)
After running all over the cell and getting smacked around for several minutes, Galloway finally grabbed the two kids and sat them onto the bed. The two kids were completely exhausted, while Galloway was barely dazed. "Now, let's start talking. Who are you?"
The two kids looked at each other, then sighed. "I'm Ezekiel-2, ," said the boy. "She's my sister, Zoe-4."
"Good, now we're getting somewhere!" said Galloway. "Okay, why does everyone in this base want me dead?"
"Because you murdered our father," said Zoe. "You killed Dr. Kaizer."
"...Dr. Kazier?" asked Galloway. "Oh, that's right, the bastard who used me as a guinea pig."
"He made you perfect," said Ezekiel, "but you killed him. You ruined our entire lives!"
"So...you must have also been test subjects, like Elizabeth," said Galloway.
"We were frozen after the project failed," said Zoe. "Dr. Kaizer brought us back to life. He treated us like his kids!"
"Probably because he created you," said Galloway. "The information I got with Elizabeth mentioned Project: GOD, the same one that created me. Kaizer was obviously working on it long before I was born."
"It's your fault for everything," said Ezekiel. "Why'd you kill the doctor? He was a good, well-meaning man that wanted to help mankind!"
Galloway practically doubled over in laughter. "HELP humanity?! Dr. Kaizer was working with both Naar, the God of Evil, and Mox, a mage who was about on par with the God of Evil. When they were both killed, he tried to destroy the multiverse himself. He then ressurected my former evil self as an energy vampire and turned one of my old friends into an undead cyborg. He would have created another GOD if I hadn't killed him."
"You lie!" said Zoe.
"What makes you think a man, who joined forces with the god of all that is wrong in the world, could be capable of HELPING people?" asked Galloway. "Besides, I have no attention of being used as anyone's little test run."
"STOP IT!" shouted Ezekiel. "Leave us alone!"
"I see you're being difficult," said Galloway. "Fine, I'll leave you alone." He powered up to SSJ and fired an energy blast, blowing the door off its hinges. The alarms immediately went off as Galloway flew through the prison area. Finally, he found another cell, inside of which sat Elizabeth, staring at the floor. He grabbed the door and tore it off its hinges, sending even more alarms blaring. Strangely, though, no guards showed up.
Galloway entered the cell. Elizabeth was still looking at the floor. "What do you want, Galloway?" she said.
"I'm trying to get your ass out of here," said Galloway.
"I don't want to leave," said Elizabeth. "I was told the truth here. You murdered one of the world's greatest minds."
"YOU, TOO?!" shouted Galloway. "For the love of God, Dr. Kaizer was NOT a good guy!"
"You are a monster, Galloway," said Elizabeth, rising to her feet, her head still to the ground. "You...must...die!" She pulled out a cattle prod and stabbed Galloway in the chest.
Starstorm's group and Weiila's group soon ran into each other. They then ran into a bunch of guards, and started running around frantically.
Elizabeth finally stopped shocking Galloway's chest. The SSJ fell to the ground, and blindly fired an energy blast, blowing a tunnel through the nearby ceiling.
Gregory and Martha sat on a log, overlooking the madness before them. "I don't think we'll ever see her again," said Martha.
"Have hope, Martha," said Gregory. "I'm sure they can reach her before midnight. We just need a sign..."
The ground in front of them suddenly exploded, as a ball of light ripped through and hurtled into space. "I guess that's as good a sign as any," said Martha. The two took each other in their arms and jumped into the hole.
Galloway climbed back up, barely damaged by the shock. "You really thought that would hurt me, Elizabeth?" asked Galloway.
"Trisha," said Elizabeth. "I am now Trisha."
"No, you're Elizabeth," said Galloway. "Elizabeth Jones, daughter of Gregory and Martha Jones. They're alive, and...standing right behind you."
Elizabeth turned, and saw Gregory and Martha looking at her. "You...You're her, aren't you?" asked Gregory.
Elizabeth's eyes started to flatline, as she grabbed her forehead in pain. "Y...Yes, I'm...no, I'm Tri...abeth...No, what's going on?"
"Brainwashing!" gasped Galloway. "No wonder Ezekiel and Zoe were so confused! Kaizer must have brainwashed the entire group into following him!"
"Please, Elizabeth!" said Martha. "Remember us!"
"Da- no, Dr. Kaizer is...no, something's not right." Elizabeth's mind was reeling more and more. Finally, she let out a small scream, and fell to her knees sobbing. Galloway, Gregory and Martha slowly approached her, careful not to set her off into another emotional explosion.
Finally, Elizabeth slowly climbed back to her feet. Galloway took a step back, slowly preparing to gather energy. Elizabeth raised her head, and grabbed both Gregory and Martha in a deep hug. "Mommy...daddy..."
Galloway smiled at the reunion...then heard the cocking of guns behind him. He turned, and saw many of the cloaked figures standing behind him. The lead cloaked figure marched to the front, still holding his sheathed sword. "I was expecting you to escape," he said, "but I did not expect these two to appear, or for Trisha to be converted to your side."
"I didn't expect a whole order of Dr. Kaizer's creations," said Galloway. "What the hell's your plan, anyway?"
"Follow us," said the cloaked figure. "Otherwise, we'll have to make a small sacrifice." He snapped his fingers, and two cloaked figures brought out Ezekiel and Zoe, tied together and thrown into a cage.
"...You bastard," said Galloway, powering down to normal.
"I didn't even explain what I was going to do yet," said the cloaked figure.
"That was a pre-emptive 'you bastard'," said Galloway. "You obviously plan to kill those two if I refuse, and if that doesn't work, you'll kill even more."
"...Actually, I was planning to kill Trisha," said the cloaked figure, "but whatever works."
Videospirit, Nagumo and Darkness Beckons jumped down the entrance. The entire base was in a state of confusion, with guards running around trying desperately to restart their dead robotic soldiers. The entire group of RPGCers quickly ran to them, and assembled in a formation.
"This will be a difficult battle," said Nagumo, "but not as hard as if they still had their escape route and military robots."
"Enough talk!" said Starstorm. "Let's just fight!"
Galloway, Elizabeth, Gregory and Martha were led to a large auditiorium. The cloaked figures dispersed and took their seats, but not before throwing Ezekiel and Zoe out of the cage and in front of Galloway.
The lead cloaked figure took his seat at the front of the auditorium. "My people," he said, "long ago, Dr. Kaizer was killed by this...beast!" The cloaked figures exploded into curses and jeers. "And now, he and his ilk have brainwashed three of our brothers and sisters into his service! For that, they must ALL die!"
"What?!" gasped Ezekiel. "B-But we didn't join him!"
"You let him escape," said the cloaked figure.
"We didn't tell him anything!" shouted Zoe.
"You talked to him," said the cloaked figure. He returned his attention to the crowd. "Now, as you know, I have been under many guises, all while serving my former lord. Today, as I execute this monster, I will reveal who I truly am."
The crowd fell silent, and then gasped as the cloaked figure removed his cloak. Galloway took a step back, seething with rage. The cloaked figure was none other than Dr. Kaizer, badly burned and bruised but still very much alive.
The number of guards began to thin, as the RPGCers finally broke through. "The battle...is OURS!" shouted Crotanks.
"Yeah, big deal," said Pierson. "Without their robots, they fell pretty quickly."
"Come on!" shouted Weiila. "We have to take the rest of these guys out!"
"How the hell did you survive?" asked Galloway.
"You obviously don't know your comic book logic," said Kaizer. "If there's no body, they're not dead. And sometimes if there's a body, they're not dead, either."
"But...but I shot you several times!" shouted Galloway. "You were even blown apart when the lab went up!"
"You missed my vital organs," said Kaizer, "and I was blown clear of the explosion."
"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!" shouted Galloway. "THAT'S SOMETHING A FANFIC AUTHOR WOULD USE AS A CHEAP EXCUSE TO REINTRODUCE AN OLD CHARACTER RATHER THAN CREATE A NEW ONE!"
"Shut up, okay?" asked Kaizer.
Galloway sighed. "Fine, just continue."
"We'll finish this like gentlemen," said Kaizer. "Galloway, enter your Kai form. I wish to have a sword fight."
"...You certainly have style," said Galloway. He powered down, and quickly powered back up into his Kai Lord form.
"My followers!" shouted Kaizer. "Take these five out and block the exits!" The crowd dispersed to the auditorium floor, grabbed everyone besides Galloway and Kaizer, and dragged them off.
Galloway drew Skarn-skae, while Kaizer unsheathed his sword. It was the same sword Naar and Mox had used before, during Galloway's previous battles. "This was the only evil weapon capable of withstanding a blow from the Sommerswerd," said Kaizer. "Your current weapon is nowhere near as powerful. I wonder how it will last against MY sword?"
"We'll see," said Galloway. "Now, let's go!"
The two charged and clashed blades, sending sparks and energy flying. They broke, then clashed again, creating even more dazzling effects and fireworks. The crowds oohed and awwed, all the while keeping close eyes on their hostages.
The swords clashed a third time. "You fight like a dairy farmer," said Kaizer.
"How appropriate," said Galloway. "You fight like a cow!"
Galloway's razor-sharp wit knocked Kaizer off-balance. Galloway charged forward, but Kaizer caught his sword again. "No one has ever drawn blood from me," said Galloway, "and no one ever will!"
"You run THAT fast?" shouted Kaizer.
Galloway was sent sprawling by Kaizer's wit. The two once again clashed blades.
Santa watched the battle from his observatory. "I'm paying thirty bucks for this," he said. "It had better be worth it."
"My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!" shouted Galloway.
"So you got that job as a janitor after all," said Kaizer.
Galloway fell back yet again, as Kaizer continued to gain ground.
"You're no match for my brains, you fool!" shouted Kazier.
"Good thing for me you never use them!" shouted Galloway.
Kaizer fell back yet again, as Galloway continued to gain ground.
"You're a lousy doctor," said Galloway.
Kaizer was caught off-guard by this new insult. "Well, uh...YOU'RE UGLY!"
"I am insulted that you would use an insult like that on me!" shouted Galloway. He swung his blade again, and Kaizer's sword went flying out of his hands. The crowds gasped, as Kaizer looked around in anger.
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!" shouted Kaizer. "KILL THEM!"
Galloway turned to the stands, and saw several guns aiming at Elizabeth, Gregory, Martha, Ezekiel, and Zoe. Kaizer, meanwhile, grabbed his sword and started running.
Galloway started for the stands, but was stopped when he saw the RPGC gang jump down from the ceiling's ventilation duct. An all-out brawl began, while Galloway chased after Kaizer.
"Well, that's over," said Santa. He then looked at his pocket watch. "Oh, no! I have to get ready to leave!"
Kaizer continued to run, a panicked look glazed into his eyes. Suddenly, he reached a dark end of the base, and was soon barely able to see anything. A voice came out of nowhere. "Dr. Kaizer, I presume?"
Kaizer looked around in fear. "Who are you? Tell me!"
"I know where you found that sword," said the voice. "It was the property of Naar, God of Evil. It belongs to him, not you."
"COME OUT!" shouted Kaizer.
"I think not," said the voice. A bolt of black lightning ripped through the darkness, tearing through Kaizer's chest. The doctor fell to the ground, dropping the sword at the same time. From the darkness, a hand grabbed the sword and pulled it away.
"My love," said the voice, "your sword is safe again. I will kill Galloway someday, too."
Galloway finally found Kaizer's body, but no trace of the sword. Sighing, he grabbed the doctor's body and carted it back.
The RPGCers finished their fist fight, knocking out most of the cloaked figures while knocking off their cloaks. "It is over!" shouted Nagumo. "Let us finish this!" He pulled out his gun and aimed it at the nearest cloaked figure.
"Stop!" shouted Elizabeth. "They've been brainwashed, misguided. We need to help them!"
"I hope you can," shouted Galloway from within the auditorium. "Dr. Kaizer's dead." He dropped the body, as everyone else jumped up.
(Two hours of de-programming later)
"We got most of the problem," said Weiila. "Unfortunately, they'll never fully recover."
"This has been one BAD Christmas," said Galloway. "Something is terribly wrong with this picture."
"I can imagine," said Weiila. "Well, at least it's almost over."
"Not really," said Galloway. "We still have a group of outcasts, AND we'll eventually have to worry about whatever killed Dr. Kaizer. Not only that, but I didn't get any Christmas shopping done, and my parents will kill me!"
Santa made his way to his exercise room. After running for about thirty minutes on a treadmill, he practiced jumping down the test chimney. This time, he fit perfectly, making it perfect to jump down the chimneys of the world.
Next, he went to his nearby laboratory, where an old wizard with blue, star-covered robes, a long, pointy hat, and a white beard, was grinding various things into a fine powder, which he then heated into sparkling stuff. "Greetings, Merlin!" said Santa. "Is the powder ready?"
Merlin looked worried for a second, then sighed. "Oh, you mean the Sleeping Powder? I just finished it."
"And the reindeer?" asked Santa.
"Just got them off the assembly line a few hours ago," said Merlin. "Remember, though; they can't stand direct sunlight, so you have to be back by dawn or they will turn to dust."
"And I will be mobbed to death by vengeful children!" said Santa. "It's not MY fault people were naughty as children! Well, thank you, Merlin." Santa took the bag of powder and left the lab.
Next was a hot blacksmithy, located in the dungeons of the fortress. Within resided Vulcan, Greek god of forging. Vulcan continued to pound on a golden key, until it was crafted into a perfect shape. "Hail, good sir!" said Santa.
"Hello, Santa Claus!" said Vulcan. "I just finished the Key to Open All Doors! Here, try it!" He handed Santa the still-hot key, which was strangely unable to burn through Santa's hands. Santa placed it in front of a nearby lock, and after a splur of shocks and sparks, the lock opened.
Pitch stood on a rooftop and waited. "This is one night he will not take from me! Hee hee hee!"
Santa made his way to the loading bay of the space fortress. Waiting for him was the entire army of child labourers, along with his big red sleigh. In front of the sleigh sat eight mechanical reindeer, along with a pentagram. Santa pulled out a big key, and wound up the front reindeer. After a few turns, the reindeer came to life and started laughing in a very creepy way.
Santa jumped into the sleigh, and made sure the bag of toys was resting with him. "Goodbye, children!" said Santa. "I'm sure you three-year-olds could take care of yourselves! Now, onward, my toy reindeer!" The reindeer took off in a flurry, taking Santa with him.
The sleigh raced through space, and after almost crashing into the moon, reached Planet Earth. Santa quickly finished his run over the rest of the world, and soon made his way to RPGC.
Pitch watched as Santa hovered overhead, preparing to lower a rope ladder. The devil looked at the nearby chimney, and pushed it out of the way, somehow managing to avoid tearing apart the entire house. Santa was halfway down the ladder when Pitch finally jumped out of the way.
Santa jumped into the chimney, only to find himself standing on the rooftop. "Huh? What happened here?" He then sniffed the air. "I can smell sulfur. That devil Pitch must be around here somewhere!" He climbed out of the chimney, grabbed a parasal, and floated from the roof to the front gate. His key snapped the gate open, and his sleeping powder took out the children sleeping inside. He then left the presents beneath the tree.
Frustrated, Pitch pushed the chimney back in place. He then looked down the chimney, prepared to slice Santa in half on his way up.
Santa heard Pitch stop pushing the chimney. He snuck to the fireplace, and blew hard into the ash.
A cloud of ash flew up to Pitch, staining his face black. He watched as the sleigh flew off, Santa and bag still in tow.
"It's a living," sighed Pitch.
At another house, Pitch was prancing around in the living room, waiting for the sound of Santa arriving on the roof. When the tell-tale sound of boots appeared, Pitch made his way to the fireplace and breathed fire.
Santa was about to climb down the chimney when the fire raced up. He jumped out of the way, causing the flame barely to burn his underquarters.
Pitch let out a maniacal laugh, then turned his attention to the front door. He huffed and he puffed, and he breathed fire on the doorknob, turning it red hot. He rolled up a newspaper and tested it on the door; the paper burned to ash almost immediately.
Pitch looked for Santa to burn his hand. Santa, meanwhile, climbed through a side window, and silently dropped off his gifts behind Pitch's back. While digging through, however, he found a toy cannon, complete with a spike. He set the cannon on a nearby coffee table and pressed the firing switch.
The spike imbedded itself into Pitch's backside, sending the devil running around in agony. Santa continued to laugh behind him. "Oh, I enjoy inflicting pain!"
Wil looked at his watch in horror. "Mr. and Mrs. Jones!" he shouted. "It's only five minutes until midnight!"
"What happens at midnight?" asked Elizabeth.
Gregory and Martha glanced at each other. "It...means we'll be returning to the Land of the Dead soon."
"WHAT?!" shouted Elizabeth. "But...But you just got here!"
"We were here for some time now," said Martha. "We were only trying to find you."
"...I can't believe this," gasped Elizabeth. Her eyes were slowly tearing up.
"It's been too long," said Gregory. "I wish we could have stayed longer, but I'm afraid that's not possible."
"Mr. Martinez," said Martha. "We would like to thank you for reuniting us. Mr. Galloway, we would like to thank you for trying so hard to save our daughter."
Elizabeth finally broke down and hugged her parents. "Mommy...daddy...I love you."
Gregory and Martha started to say something, but the bell suddenly chimed midnight. Nightmare flew from out of nowhere and landed on the auditorium, sending the cloaked figures scattering. "The time has come," said the Lord of the Dead from nowhere. "Mount Nightmare, or be damned to the etheral mists."
Gregory and Martha jumped onto the horse, a sad look in their eyes. "Wait!" shouted Elizabeth. "I have one more question. Do my ears...bother you?"
"Not at all," said Gregory. "You're still our daughter."
"Meet us on the other side some time," said Martha. "Goodbye, our little girl." The helhorse reared its head, and galloped back to the ceiling. As it neared the barrier, it faded away, along with its riders.
The battles continued for most of the night. Pitch continued to throw obstacles at Santa, who managed to defeat them every time.
Finally, it was only an hour until morning. "Santa!" shouted Merlin from the space fortress. "There's not much time until morning!"
"I have a few more friends to visit!" shouted Santa. "I will be back soon, if possible!" He jumped into his sleigh and flew off.
Rain, Smoke and Chameleon watched from the distance as the sound of battle ended. "Our employer is dead," said Rain. "Good thing we were paid in advance."
"Let's go to our next job," said Chameleon. "We must also rebuild the ninja armies." Smoke nodded in agreement, and the three teleported away.
Santa flew to the North Pole, landing his mechanical sleigh on the helipad. The workshop was already packed with elves, while Jingle was busy stacking more gifts into the other sleigh. Santa set the mechanical sleigh into autopilot, and it flew back to the moon.
"Everything's ready," said Jingle. "Are you sure about this?"
"Positive," said Santa. "Take care of the place while I'm gone, and don't have affairs with evil wizards again, please!" The jolly fat guy jumped into his regular sleigh and, with the aid of his biological reindeer, flew into the distance.
Elizabeth sat on a small milk crate, her eyes downcast. Ezekiel and Zoe walked up to her. "It's not too bad," said Ezekiel. "We lost our parents a long time ago, too."
Elizabeth looked at them. "You're right," she said. "I'm not the only person who's been frozen for 35 years, then lost her family because of a maniacal madman. By the way, what are your REAL names?"
"...I'm Sandy," said Zoe. "He's Frank."
Galloway's eyes bulged at hearing their names. Elizabeth, however, paid him no mind. "And what about the rest of you?"
Two other cloaked figures pulled back their hoods, revealing a dogman and a catman. "I'm Coleman. He's Francis." Galloway starte to shiver.
Two more popped up, revealing another male elf and a batguy. "I'm Bert. He's Gordon." Galloway started pounding his head against the wall.
Two more popped up, revealing an assortment of other physical mutations. "I'm Roger. He's Coreman." Galloway started ripping his hair out.
Nagumo snuck off, quickly leaving the facility behind. He pulled out his handy radio. "Headquarters, this is Nagumo. Mission accomplished. Returning to base."
Weiila finished healing the bloody, beaten Galloway, as the rest of the cloaked figures revealed their names. "Something tells me they didn't like those names," said Elizabeth. "Let's just use your project names."
"Fine, fine," said Ezekiel. "So, what are you going to do now?"
"What about you?" asked Elizabeth.
"We'll just stay here," said Zoe. "When the supplies run out, we'll just terrorize the locals until they hunt us down and kill us all."
"...I have a better idea," said Galloway. "Why don't you just move to a place where freaks are recognized and accepted? Like Southern Alberta?"
"...You just know how to kill the mood, don't you?" asked Val.
"You thought I was kidding?" said Galloway. "I was goddamn serious! Besides, this place gives me the creeps."
Suddenly, the top of the auditorium opened. A red devil with horns jumped in, smilling all the while. "Greetings!" said the devil. "I'm Pitch, assistant to Lucifer!"
"...That's nice," said Starstorm.
"Hey, I know you!" shouted kiro. "You're that devil that tried to make me turn evil!"
"Of course!" said Pitch. "Thanks to children like you, Santa has defeated me once again!"
"So, what's on your schedule, Pitch?" asked Weiila.
"Well, I'm gonna lay low for the rest of the holidays," said Pitch, "then after New Years, I'm gonna engulf the world in darkness!"
"Ho ho ho!" shouted another voice. Everyone turned, and saw Santa enter the auditorium. "That's what you think, buster! I'm here to eat candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy canes!"
Pitch cracked his knuckles, as Santa charged forward. The crowd cheered for Santa as the two began to wrestle on the ground. Finally, Santa grabbed Pitch in an airplane spin and started twirling around.
"Oh, would you look at that?" said Ezekiel. "A full-pilched battle between pure evil and Santa Claus right in our own little home!"
"This is the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!" said Zoe. Santa, meanwhile, threw Pitch out of the auditorium, and started giving gifts out to everyone.
The last box was finally packed, and the stronghold was emptied. Galloway and Elizabeth watched as the last of the cloaked figures piled into the trucks, which started up in the cold.
"I guess that's it," said Galloway. "Now, what about you?"
"I'm going with them," said Elizabeth. "It's time I joined up with my kind."
"...If you insist," said Galloway. "Just remember to visit sometime, and don't rent any wooden apartment buildings!"
"Thank you, Galloway...for everything," said Elizabeth. She and Galloway hugged for a few seconds, then broke apart. "Oh, and my name is now Trisha. I should take my project name as well."
"Thanks for the notice," said Galloway. "Goodbye, Trisha."
Trisha jumped into the last truck, which rode off to the magical land known only as Canada. Galloway watched the truck until it was only a dot in the distance. "Goodbye, Elizabeth."
"That was a nice Christmas," said Galloway.
"You mean, BESIDES me getting possessed by a phoenix?" asked Gemini. "Speaking of which, I'm still stuck with it."
"And I got a lousy Mark-6 Bazooka!" said kiro. "I wanted a Mark-7!"
"And I didn't come out of fucking nowhere!" said the gorilla.
"...Okay, I have problems, too," said Galloway. "Like, who did kill Dr. Kaizer? Whoever did it will be a pain in the future."
The RPGC crew assembled at the RPGC Police Station, where they threw a big Christmas party. At last, there was peace in the land again.
PEACE ON EARTH.
GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN.
Galloway: Wait a minute! I forgot something! *turns Val into a chibi*
Galloway: You had to trash the fic repeatadly. For that, you become a chibi.
Weiila: Better you than me.
Val: Damnit, Weiila!
Galloway: Happy Holidays, Everyone! Weiila, push the button!
Weiila: *pushes the button*
THE END...FOR REAL, THIS TIME!