You know it's going to be
a BAD DAY when . . .

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You jump out of bed in the morning and miss the floor.

You turn on the morning news, and they're showing emergency routes out of your city.

You go to put on the clothes you wore home from last night's party and there aren't any.

Your wife says, "Good Morning, John!"
and your name isn't John.

Your bar of Ivory soap sinks.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

Your horn gets stuck when you're following a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

You get to work and there's a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your outer office.

Your four-year-old wakes you up with the news that its almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

The Gypsy fortuneteller offers to refund your money.

Your boss tells you not to bother to remove your coat.

Your pet rock snaps at you.

You call suicide prevention, and they put you on hold.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

You wake up to discover that your waterbed broke, and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

It's the morning after the company office party and everyone is avoiding you.

Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.