One of those days
by Weiila
OK, this is weird. I don't live like this. I swear. If I did, I wouldn't have time to write anymore :)
Note: You might need to read "Magus quest" and "Hanging around", maybe also "Monsters of deepest depths of horror", to understand some of the jokes.
I feel a need of explaining my intensions. I wrote this story when I had a cold. One of those colds that makes you think "God, now it can't get any worse! No way!" or something similar. But I figured that there are worse things than having a cold. Like having the cold of the lifetime and having the house full of... people you normally don't expect to have at home. :)
Oh, God... my head... and nose. Oh what the heck, my whole body...
"Sniffle... ugh..."
Cold. Doesn't sound like a horrifying sickness until you've got it.
"Aaacho! Gah!"
I'm pretty good at swearing, really. Even though I try to convince myself that I should be behaving and all that. But nobody that hears me can understand the words I'm using... why am I thinking in English, anyway? I'm Swedish, for God's sake! Still I keep it up... well, why not...?
I stumble into the bathroom, grabbing my glasses as I pass the desk by my bed.
Brush teeth again.
I put on my thick morning coat, staring at my own miserable sight in the mirror.
Hmm.
There's a cloaked skeleton floating around my reflection. Why didn't I see that a moment ago when I brushed my teeth?
"Not again!"
I rush back into my bedroom and grab the pencil lying on my three halfway filled note-blocks. Then I stumble into the bathroom again, with the black pencil pointing at my reflection and the shadow.
"Dhaos! Get out!"
The shadow hanging over me turns into a transparent, tall man dressed in mostly blue and softly red robes. Two silvery orbs keep dancing around him. He steps out of the mirror, sourly crossing his arms.
"I do not have to argue with you!" he snorts.
"And I'm no magician or head of a police force, and I'm not consuming Mana. So stay out of my body, for the third time!"
"Fine, it felt like a sarcophagus today anyhow."
"I haven't written a single word about you at this point anyhow," I snarl, "you shouldn't even be able to show up here!"
"True, but you are planning to write about Tales of Phantasia, so I'm staying here."
I shake my head as I leave the room while the god of war takes my hairbrush to sort out his blond curls. Halfway through the corridor I run into Frog.
"Ah, good that I found thee first," he smiles up at me, "Magus said that he hast noted that thou art planning to write another crossover starring him, so he is hunting thee."
"I hope he kills me fast..." I mutter, rubbing my neck and burying my nose in a handkerchief.
"Thee dost not sound too good," Frog kindly says.
"I feel like..."
I remember whom I'm talking to and spare him it.
"I feel pretty bad, yes. And you can tell him that if I ever write that story, he'll only have one line anyhow. Maybe two. Not too painful. Aacho!"
"Humph, you sneeze enough to awake the dead," a cold voice sneers.
"And that would be thee, I presume?" Frog snorts.
"I feel pretty alive so far," yet another tall man replies.
He is bald and has purple skin and is dressed in a black cloak with golden edges, hiding his whole body.
"Shut up, both of you," I grumble, waving at Zemus with my pencil.
The pencil is the tool with which I scribble down all my stories before I sit down and make the final result on the computer. Therefore it's powerful against the characters I write about.
He bows with a scornful sneer.
"Of course, my sick lady."
"Pipe down or you'll be the star of Hanging around 3!" I snap, sneezing again.
I guess I'm not very convincing in this state, but he backs off.
Some days I think that they'll all drive me crazy. Funny they haven't already.
Maybe I am crazy. I mean, now I'm writing about something as absurd as the characters I'm writing about appearing in my own home. It's rubbish, of course. If something like that happened, my mum would have gone mad. And dad too, for that matter. And they don't seem to be around in this fic anyhow...
But now I'm on a roll, so I guess I'll have to live with this for a while.
Frog kindly takes my hand and drags me away from Zemus.
"Cometh, he fouleth the air. Not unlikely some other people I knoweth," the green knight says.
I look down at him.
"I still don't think I've got a grip of how you speak, Frog..." I absentmindedly mumble.
"Mayhap not, but that is now irrelevant. Thou needeth a cup of tea."
"With a lot of honey. Ahh... cho!"
"Hey, what's all the noise about? I'm trying to sleep!"
Angela of Seiken Densetsu 3 steps out in my and Frog's way, with her purple hair a sleepy mess.
"Well I'm trying to have a bad cold, princess," I reply, very poisonous.
"Don't give it to me!"
She dives back into her room.
"Korkade ananas..." I mutter and grin to myself.
They can shout and snarl and drive me crazy, but I can make them really irritated by calling them things in Swedish which sound like grave insults, and they don't have a clue whether I'm really insulting them or just call them silly stuff that doesn't mean a thing. And the major part of them are too proud to start yelling, worried that I just called them something completely harmless and they therefore could make a fool of themselves.
"Would thou share thy joke with me for once?" Frog asks.
"I called her a stupid pineapple..." I absentmindedly answer, "it's rubbish."
"Oh, how morbid," he grins as we walk on, "and yesterday you told Ganon that he was a... liten gol skatan, is that right?"
"Liten gul skata," I correct him with another grin, "it means small yellow magpie."
"My, my..."
We enter the kitchen, and I crash on a chair. Frog also sits down, next to Edgar of FF3/6. He's pinching his nose, so hard that it's turning white.
"Henno, by sweet nady," he says, trying to smile handsomely behind his hand.
Any other day I would have told all of them for the thousand time that I'm not a "lady", but when I feel like this anything like that is welcome.
"Why are you pinching your nose?" I ask him, using up another handkerchief and sending it flying into the wastebasket.
"I believeth that I knoweth... phew!" Frog grimaces and puts his small hands over his nostrils.
My own nose isn't working properly, so I have no idea what the two of them are going on about. But I guess that something smells rather bad.
"Are you burning the tea again?" I ask the creature by the other end of the table.
He looks up with a small smile, waving with the many, sharp kitchen knives he's holding in his several hands.
"No, no," he says, "just working on the dinner."
"Gilgamesh," I slowly say, "what is that inside my oven?"
"I'm not eating that!" Edgar furiously says, waving with his hand before his nose instead of holding it.
Gilgamesh looks very hurt.
"But I couldn't find any better use for him!" he says.
"Last week you made me eat a Power Ranger!" the king of Figaro snaps, "I don't care how you spice that, I'm not eating it!"
"How did you do that?" I ask, "you ran screaming last time I put you in front of him..."
"I have been meditating, to strengthen my mind and body," Gilgamesh smiles, "so that I wouldn't fail my cause again."
I shake my head.
"Fine, then... congratulations on your achievement."
"Thank you."
"I will not eat that either!" Frog croaks, "I believeth not 'tis edible."
"He is dead, right?" I ask, warily.
"Of course!" Gilgamesh says, "never knew what happened, I promise."
I rub the back of my neck.
Oh, brother... Sunday dinner: Roasted Pikachu. Lovely.
Normally I'd go for a pizza, but I don't feel like leaving the house and turn this cold even worse than it is.
"There you are!"
Or maybe I do...
"Hey!" I muffle as my head is pulled backwards and my neck greets the cold blade of a scythe.
"Stop that this minute!" Frog shouts and jumps up on the table, unsheathing the Masamune.
"Now what was that about another crossover?" Magus snarls in my ear.
Maybe I should just sneeze at him, but it's hard in this position.
Edgar's chair falls backwards as he rushes to his feet.
"Release that lady at once!" he calls out.
"Hey, there's other ways to solve problems than to cut each other's throats!" someone at the end of the table says.
All of us glare at Gilgamesh, or at least the three men do. I'm only trying.
"Wasn't me!" he hurriedly says and step aside.
It was Cless from Tales of Phantasia who did it.
"I can't believe you and Dhaos even can show up here," I say, still rather muffled, "time was when I had to at least finish a story before the characters showed up! Magus, let me go."
I push his scythe away with my pencil, and he unwillingly releases my hair. Frog and Edgar sit down again.
"But the fact is still there," Magus say, coldly, "I said no more crossovers!"
"One line, Magus," I sigh, "that's all."
"Really?"
He sounds very skeptic, indeed.
"And what, dare I ask, would that line be?"
I sigh, rolling my eyes, and answer.
"Something like 'I'll kill anything wielding that sword'."
Everyone glare blankly at me. I ignore them and take care of yet another handkerchief.
"And the situation?" Magus suspiciously asks.
"I don't know yet, it's just the seed of an idea."
"There must be a reason for saying something like that!" he snorts, "what sword?"
"Guess, korkskalle..." I mutter.
Now that is an insult, but he can't be sure about it. It's got the same meaning as blockhead. OK, OK, straightly translated it will be cork-skull.
"I believeth that she is talking about the Masamune," Frog calmly says.
"I just thought of it myself, you stupid green leprechaun!" Magus snaps.
"Well, I already guessed it when she spoke, dark wizard!" the knight replies.
I pour some tea in a cup and surpasses it two teaspoons of honey while the argue continues on. After a while Edgar, Cless and Gilgamesh become involved too. As I silently stir the tea, I feel grateful about that I've taken a pause from writing my "own" stories for a while and only write fanfics for the time being. It seems like I can't stop the heroes and villains from jumping out of my head. So if I were writing like before I would have to put up with a gang of demons, a halfway mad emperor, some gods and goddesses, a family of vampires... etc.
On the other hand, I ponder, my archdemon Chtrackg'sua (don't try to pronounce unless you've done some tongue-exercises first) could probably turn those warmongers inside out with a wave of his tentacles. But if I conjured him and asked him for such a favor, he'd start asking me for paying. No nice thought.
Frog cleaves the table with one single swing, but I'm holding my cup aloft and save it from being emptied by a fall.
I think I'm going back to bed. I can write some more on my Seiken Densetsu 3 fic while lying there, drinking my tea. Yep, that sounds nice. I've released all the characters already, so it's too late to turn back anyhow... Wisp, the elemental of Light is resting in my desk lamp. And Karl is sleeping in my bed. And Kevin insists on sleeping on the carpet in my bedroom. He says it's nice. Good grief...
Seems like Dhaos is still in the bathroom, working on his hair. I just pass by, not even looking at him.
I'll leave them to it today. I'm going back to bed.
But there's a twelve foot, black snake occupying it. Really, I thought that Molor couldn't be scarier than I pictured him as I wrote. I was wrong.
"Get out!"
I can't even stand worms. So snakes aren't my favorite kind of animal either.
Molor hisses lazily at me and crawls out of my bed. No way am I lying there now; I'll have to burn the sheets, the blanket, the pillows and the bed. And where has Karl gone, by the way? Uh-oh...
"Molor, get back here!" I try to shout.
Sound mostly like a crow... but he comes back, looking somewhat hurt as I order him to spit Karl out. Looking around, I demand that he does the same to Kevin. And Wisp. But as he produces a sleeping Ash, I tell the snake that he can keep that one. Strangely enough, he doesn't seem too happy about having to eat a pokémon trainer again.
How stupid. They are all sleeping. I thought that it would be suitable to wake up when you're being eaten alive.
"You can go down into the kitchen," I tell Molor as Ash's feet disappears between his fangs, "I think Magus is outnumbered."
And so I'm rid of him for the moment.
I stumble over to my desk and turn on the computer. I'll just...
Hmm? Files missing? Disc error?
"Megaman!"
He looks far too innocent as he rushes into the room.
"Err... yes?" he says.
"Fix my computer, now!" I snarl.
"Err... but Milon of the Earth said to..."
"Since when do you take orders from him?" I snap.
"Since he hung Roll from the ceiling and threatened to turn her into a cyborg," he miserably says.
I rub my forehead.
"What have I told them about hostages? Just wait... fix my computer, I'll take care of Roll and Milon."
"Yes, miss."
I stumble down into the living room. Yep, Roll is hanging from the roof, in a chain around her waist. Looks really silly. There's a whole bunch of characters watching, hesitating. From the kitchen one can still hear sounds of battle.
"Milon!" I cough, pushing my way through the crowd.
He backs up against the wall, which is pretty good work considering the shape of his body.
"Wasn't me!" he screeches.
God I wish they could stop imitating Shaggy...
"Oh yeah?" I snarl, on my last nerve, "who was it then?"
"Dragon Lord told me to..."
I turn to the purple beast. He also backs off.
"I only did what Exdeath asked of me!"
"You know what, you're acting like a mailing virus. Who's the brain behind the plot against my computer?" I growl.
"Him!" everybody yells and jumps away from...
"Lemmy Koopa?" I sigh, "come on!"
"No, it really was me!" the small dragon-turtle say, with his tongue hanging stupidly out of his mouth (I have no idea how he manage to speak pretty properly in such conditions), "funny, eh?"
It's a child, it's a child, it's a child...
I have a lot of patience when it comes to children. It was a hard battle reaching such heights, and has to do with small, crazed cousins who loves to play "kill the big cousin with plastic knife".
"Alright," I say with my normally less harsh voice and force a smile to my lips, "it was a bit funny. But please keep away from my computer and books from now on, okay? Because after all, that's where I create all of you, and if something happened to either those things or me..."
I shrug my shoulders, with great satisfaction noting the older characters' eyes, and then I leave the room again.
"Oh, and let Roll down, Milon," I call (or something similar) over my shoulder.
"Yesss, lady."
I shudder as I walk up the corridor again. Not of fear or disgust, just of exhaust. They are simply too much sometimes...
Carlie is jumping in my bed (I played the version of Seiken Densetsu 3 where it's for example Lise and Carlie instead of Riesz and Charlotte). I ignore her, letting her have her fun.
"Done?" I ask Megaman.
"One second."
He pushes a few more buttons and then jumps off the chair.
"There, ready for launch."
"Thank you very much."
He hurries out of my room. I sit down and open the file where I store my projects.
Now let's see here...
"May I disturb you for a moment?" a cold voice asks.
"No, not right now," I absentmindedly mutter, still choosing between the two stories I'm currently working on.
"I don't care."
"I know."
I sigh and spin the chair at the visitor.
"What is it now then, Magus?" I tiredly ask.
"I thought we had an agreement," he coldly says, "you wouldn't write any more crossovers with me in them, and I wouldn't turn you into a snail."
"Look, you'll hardly be there," I tiredly say, "it'll be something about characters from different RPGs getting thrown around. Like... Cyan could end up in Chrono Trigger, Rydia might be in Lufia 2, or something. I haven't started working on the details. It's just a bloody idea yet!"
"Your ideas are a danger to the community," he snorts.
I hold up my hands.
"Could we just forget about the crossovers?" I ask, "I thought you liked 'Magus quest', at least. You found Schala and got Molor, right?"
He rolls his eyes.
"Alright, I give."
"Good."
"But still, I don't want to put up with another crossover," he grimly says.
I sigh.
"Okay, Magus. Just this one, then you won't be in any more. I promise."
He looks suspiciously at me.
"Will you keep your promise this time, then?" he coldly says.
"Yes, I will. Across my heart," I sigh.
He's silent for a moment.
"Very well," he finally mutters and starts to leave my room, "but I warn you, one more crap crossover..."
I don't answer, breathlessly listening to his footsteps becoming more and more distant. Even though Carlie's jumping around isn't very silent, I still hear the sound of a warlock walking.
His footsteps suddenly begin to slow down and then disappear. He has stopped. I can almost hear his thoughts as he recalls our short conversation, finally finding that short word of four letters starting with c and ending with p. Then there's a whispering sound of boots getting drawn over the floor as he turns around, and his footsteps begin to come closer, fast.
But before he has reached my room, I have thrown on some decent clothes, shoveled my notepads and my computer into a backpack, placed it on my back and jumped out of the window.
Magus' roar of rage follows me as I run through the garden, but he can't follow me. None of the characters can leave the house where I gave them life. Thank God...
"Get back here, you...!"
"See ya!" I shout as I jump over the fence and continue down the road.
I think I'm going to visit my sister... she's a witch studying dragons, but that never bothered me. Her big, fire-breathing lizard pets might be loud and all, but for the moment that somehow feels more comfortable than staying at home.
Peace at last...
"Aahh! Cho!"
Well, almost.
Sniff...
Later, all ;)