The Christmas Saga Part 2
Omega made his way to a hidden parking structure in the side of the mountain, just a short walk from the hotel. After waiting for about five minutes, a shadowy figure emerged.
"Do you have the sausage?" asked the figure.
"Do you have the info?" asked Omega.
"Toss me the sausage, and I will toss you the file," said the figure. Omega threw him a large sausage, and the figure threw him a large file.
"Thank you," said the figure.
"By the way," said Omega, "who are you?"
"You will learn," said the figure, "in due time." He then melted away into the shadows.
Omega leafed through the file, until he finally learned where this Elizabeth was. Unfortunately, it turned out she was dead...
***
Wil was lying in his room, reading a couple hundred porno mags, when he heard someone enter. Looking up from his porn, he saw a beautiful woman standing above him, wearing nothing but a transperant white robe.
"Hello, gorgeous," she said. Wil was instantly mesmorized by her beauty. She threw herself over him, as Wil remained in a hypnotic daze. She then lowered her mouth towards his neck...
Pierson knocked the door open. "Wil, I need to borrow some of your porno-" He then saw the woman now hissing at him with her long fangs. He ran forward and knocked her off Wil, which finally broke him out of his trance. Pierson began to struggle with the vampire woman, but she knocked him against the wall in one punch, then jumped back at Wil.
"Let go of him, you bitch!"
PC loaded his gun and fired several bullets right into the vampire woman's head. She was completely unfazed, and leaped at PC, but Pierson jumped back up and smacked her down. Wil then used an immobilize spell.
"There," said Wil. "That out to hold her-"
The vampire woman jumped right back up and began to choke PC. She then threw him against the wall and pasted him there with a bunch of slime. She then knocked Pierson down and punched Wil right out while he was still casting a spell.
***
"What the hell is going on?" asked Val.
"Beats me," said Robyn.
"I'll go check it out," said Val. "You go back to the room."
***
"Damn, that's a lot of noise!" said Galloway. He finally got up from napping on the couch and ran upstairs.
***
Val ran into the vampire woman just as she was about to bite into Wil's neck. She began to grapple with the monster.
"Kill me...kill me..." moaned PC. "Kill...oh, say Val, could you please kill me?"
"I'm the tensiest busy right now, PC, I'm getting to it!" shouted Val.
Galloway then ran into the room. "Did I mention I want you to kill me?" shouted PC.
"Ah, shut up!" said Galloway. "With you it's always one thing or another!" He then punched the vampire off of Val and grapped Gungnir.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" shouted Val. The vampire woman leaped at Galloway. He ducked under her and ran the spear straight through her. She quickly stopped moving.
"There are only three ways to kill a vampire," said Galloway. "The first way is to set it on fire. The second way is to throw it in water. The third way is to impale it."
"Ah, damnit!" shouted Val. "Now I have to clean Gungnir! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get vampire blood off?"
"Um," said PC, "if you're done over there, I would really appreciate it if you could kill me now!"
"Oh, we're gonna kill you..." began Val, as she and Galloway closed in on PC.
(Note: They do not kill PC. Rather, they discuss their differences peacefully and come to an agreement of mutual existance. Wil does try to kill the writer for not letting him use a fire spell, but the fourth wall prevents that from happening.)
***
The rest of the day was uneventful. Sure, Wally blackened some boots, and Val tried to get Robyn to get rid of her crush with PC, but besides that, nothing happend.
As they were eating dinner, however, a loud series of scratches emmited from outside. When they opened the door, several hundred monstrosities were lined up outside. Behind them were three humans: one was a woman with a black cloak and green eyes, the second was a big dumb guy in roman gladiator armor, and the third was an old man with his head hidden beneath a heavy hood.
"Foolish mortals!" shouted the woman. "The Soul Reaver is not for the likes of you! Give it to us!"
"Normally," said Val, "I would be all for charging in there and slicing them all apart, but if they just want that evil sword..." She then tackled Galloway and reached for the Reaver.
***
Robyn snuck around the back and climbed the rain gutter. She made her way onto the roof, where she saw a convenient cauldron of boiling oil. On the side, it read:
"Super Hot Boiling Oil. Guaranteed to melt the flesh off of all that it touches. To be used only on monstrosities, evil people, and those goddamn dirty hippies."
"What's a hippie?" she thought outloud briefly. Then she took her spear and pried the cauldron over.
***
"We must not give in to them!" shouted Wally. "That will may be dangerous!" PC, however, was already punching Galloway in the face while trying to get the Reaver himself.
"HEY!" shouted Wil. "Where's Robyn?"
The sound of boiling oil falling over was the answer. The monstrosities were melted into nothingness. The three others watched from a distance.
"Curses!" shouted the gladiator. "I shall have to deal with him myself!"
"Be careful," said the old man. "He is very powerful. Do not underestimate him."
The gladiator ran to the ground of the hotel, walking over the oil like it was nothing. "Galloway!" he shouted. "Come face me!"
"Why does every person in the universe want to kill me?" asked Galloway.
"Maybe because you're a cruel and evil person who deserves to die," said Val. Galloway kicked her in the face, then went out to meet the gladiator.
***
"So," said Val, "who's gonna win?"
"It's tough to call," said Weiila. "The gladiator looks pretty damn powerful, but Galloway's been known for his incredible dumb luck..."
"Seven thousand on the gladiator," said PC.
"Three hundred on the gladiator," said Starstorm.
"Seven hundred and fifty cents on the gladiator," said Wil.
"What the heck?" said Weiila. "You're betting on Galloway's demise?"
"Yeah, well, we hate the guy," said Val. "It's only natural that we want to see him dead."
"Besides," said Heaven's Soldier, "if all he wants is the Reaver, then let him have it."
"Okay, now!" said Val. "Everyone, hand me your bets!" What followed was a frantic betting rush. Weiila was the only one who didn't bet against Galloway.
***
"Okay, big and ugly," said Galloway. "What do you want?"
"We shall battle for the Reaver!" shouted the gladiator.
"First off," said Galloway, "who are you? And second off, why do you want the Reaver?"
"I am Gladar!" shouted the gladiator. "I am a member of the Dark Five, or Dark Four after you killed Insantio. We represent different dark elements. I am brutality. The woman, Necrophilia, represents necromancy. And the old man, Cronic, represents manipulation of time. Insantio represented insanity."
"That does make sense..." said Galloway.
"QUIET!" shouted Gladar. "We seek the Reaver to further our own agenda; the destruction of the light elements! With such a powerful sword in our hands, nothing could stand in our way!"
"Okay, you want to fight for it, huh?" shouted Galloway. "Let's rumble!"
Suddenly, he found himself completely unable to move. Through the corner of his eye, he could see Cronic smiling and holding up a glowing red gem. Gladar pulled the Soul Reaver from the sheath on Galloway's back.
"I think I shall finish you here!" shouted Gladar. He raised the Reaver, but when he was about to thrust, Galloway found himself suddenly unfrozen. He quickly teleported out of the way.
Both Galloway and Gladar turned, and saw Cronic hunched over, looking at his shattered gem. Behind Cronic was the man Val had told him about.
"Prince of Space!" shouted Gladar. "What business do you have here?"
"I have come to help put an end to your evil ways!" shouted Prince of Space. "Now, you shall face each other in a fair fight!"
"Very well," said Gladar.
Galloway punched at Gladar's face, but the gladiator grabbed his arm and threw him against a rock. He then jump-kicked him straight in the chest, causing Galloway to cough up blood.
"You are weak, little man!" shouted Gladar. He grabbed Galloway's limp body and slammed it into the ground, creating a small crater. Galloway was just lying there when the dust cleared.
***
"Okay," shouted Val, "Galloway's out..."
Gladar turned to the hotel. "You really thought I'd let you live? Oh, you poor deluded fools! I'll destroy all of you after I'm done with him!"
Everyone stared at what was going on in disbelief. Maria then walked into the room and sighed. "Mommy, I love you and everything, but we tried the same thing with GOD. He went and annihilated practically every person on earth anyway."
***
Gladar laughed, put one foot on Galloway's chest, and raised the Reaver. "It's time to die, Gallowa-"
His face changed to a mask of sheer terror. He fell straight over, landing hard on his back. Galloway, now in his Kai Lord form, stood straight up.
"You villains are all alike," said Galloway. "You shouldn't have given me time to heal." He then returned to his normal form.
"What do you think you can possibly do?" asked Gladar. "You know I can crush you with one finger!"
"Yeah," said Galloway, "but you forgot to check me out completely." He then transformed into a Super Saiyan and flew up.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" shouted Gladar.
Galloway moved his hands to his side. "Ka...me...ha...me...ha!"
He fired a Kamehameha wave straight at Gladar. The gladiator raised the Soul Reaver in defense. The beam hit him straight-on, creating a large crater. However, Gladar and the Reaver were both unharmed.
"HA!" shouted Gladar. "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO!"
"No, not really," said Galloway. "Take a look at your arm..." Gladar glanced down at his left arm, and saw one of PC's LAMs strapped to it. The explosive went off, blowing Gladar's left arm clean off, but not damaging any other part of his body.
"H-how..." gasped Gladar, falling to his knees. Necrophilia rushed towards him to help balance him.
"When I knocked you over, I quickly slapped that onto you," said Galloway, floating back to the ground. "It's a good thing for me that your body's like a brick house; it wouldn't have worked otherwise."
"So..." gasped Gladar, "I...am defeated...by a sneaky move...such as this?"
"No, not really," said Galloway. "Your own arrogance took you out. You see, the Reaver may be practically indestructable, but it doesn't make whoever uses it invincible. By the way, we agreed that the Reaver would be mine if I won." He then took the Reaver from Gladar.
Necrophilia glanced angrilly at him. "No...dear sister..." gasped Gladar. "He...is right...He...won the battle...Let him...take the Reaver...claim it...another day..." He then collapsed and stopped breathing.
"Farewell, Gladar," whispered Necrophilia.
"Come, my dear!" shouted Cronic. He grabbed Necrophilia's arm and teleported off.
***
"So, are you all right?" asked Prince of Space. Everyone mobbed around Galloway, as he tried desperately to put the Reaver away without accidently poking someone.
"Say," said Weiila once Galloway and Prince of Space were out of sight, "Galloway won. And since I'm the only one that didn't bet against him..."
"Okay," sighed Val, "how much did you win?" Weiila whispered the amount into Val's ear. She froze, nearly screamed, then just handed Weiila the entire pot.
***
Everyone quickly went to bed (including Wally, who reappeared under mysterious circumstances). Weiila, however, stayed up and took a walk.
"Okay, it'll happen any second now," she muttered, grabbing the hunting rifle she had hidden. "The sooner I get rid of this nightmare world, the better." She found herself back in the nightmare world the very second she finished her thought.
She quickly loaded her rifle, then walked around the hotel, trying all the doors. This time, only the basement door worked. She found the staircase to be covered with blood, and the hallway itself to be filled with blood-splattered walls. In the distance, something was screaming out in pain.
She tried to step back, but her foot tripped on the blood, sending her falling head-first down the stairs. The basement door then shut itself behind her, and when she tried to open it, the lock was broken.
"Crap," she muttered, quickly using a Cure spell on her wounds. "Well, guess I should get it over with."
Weiila made her way down the hallway, her feet sploshing into the flesh-like ground. On the walls were occasional blood-written messages, saying such provocative things as "Help!", "I want my mommy!", and "When the hell's lunch?" Finally, she reached the end of the hall, which led to the actual basement as well as a pantry. The basement didn't work, so she entered the pantry.
On the other side was the source of the screaming. A man, or what was left of one, was sprawled out on the table. Despite his missing arm and legs, he was still screaming. Finally, a panel in the ceiling opened, and a small wrecking ball fell onto his head, crushing it flat. It was then pulled up by a chain.
"That's it," whined Weiila. "I REALLY hate this place!"
"I KNOW," said a deep voice from somewhere beyond, "BUT YOU HAVE ENTERED MY DOMAIN. ON CHRISTMAS EVE, WHEN MY POWER REACHES ITS MAXIMUM, YOU WILL BE PULLED IN FOREVER, JUST ANOTHER TRAPPED SOUL FOR ME TO FEED ON."
"What the hell are you?" shouted Weiila. "Come out here!"
"I WILL...WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT," said the voice. "FOR NOW, HOWEVER, DEAL WITH MY PRECIOUS GUARDIAN..." Three Pyramid Heads then bursted through the floor.
"Shit!" shouted Weiila. "How the hell do I get out of here?"
As if in response to her question, three lightning bolts flew overhead, blowing the three Pyramid Heads through the wall. Weiila turned, and saw Daemon. He smiled, then melted into the shadows. As he did, she returned to the real world.
"Okay, that was a bust," said Weiila. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna solve this damn mystery!"
***
Galloway stepped out onto the porch the next morning, still wearing his pajamas and bathrobe. He looked around, then muttered, "Where the hell's the paper?"
A newspaper flying into his face was his response. Grumbling, he picked it up and went back inside.
***
"I've been thinking," said Wil. "I know we've got a lot of things to worry about, like Half-Santa, the Dark Five, the evil ghost, and a bunch of other shit, but why don't we do some actual Christmas stuff?"
Galloway, however, was the only other person in the room; everyone else had left before Wil had even began talking, and Galloway was just reading the large headline: "Krankor Nothing to Worry About!"
"Damnit!" shouted Wil. "Stop reading that damn thing and LISTEN!" He then used a Fire spell on the paper, burning it to ash.
"Okay, okay, we'll do some caroling or something," said Galloway. "We just need to decorate the tree first."
Val and Weiila entered the room, carrying a box of tree decorations. They walked to the tree, put two ornaments on, then took the boxes out. "Okay, we're done," said Galloway. "Let's get going."
***
"So, what do you have planned, Krankor?" asked SonicBomber.
"I have come up with a plan," said Krankor. "I have learned that the local bank has a secret rocket fuel formula stashed away in a safety deposit box. I will steal that formula and use it to send thousands of saucers to conquer Earth!"
"Uh, Krankor," said Crotanks, "I don't mean to sound critical, but what's with your obsession with fuel?"
"Planet Krankor is the worst planet in terms of rocket fuel," growled Krankor. "With a fuel such as that, I can easily travel to any place in the galaxy, and conquer it within seconds!"
***
"Okay," said Half-Santa, pacing around the workshop like mad, "any sign of my goody-two-shoes twin half-brother?"
"There are be no trace of him," said Stan. "He must done be gone from the big red wagon."
"That sounds like him all right," muttered Half-Santa. "I can only wonder where he ended up. Anyway, I think it's time to broadcast, right?"
"Whatever you done feel like!" shouted Stan, before throwing down his hat and doing a little one-man square dance. Half-Santa then made his way to an elf that was in front of a large computer.
"Take over all media signals and airwaves," said Half-Santa. "We have work to do!"
***
Everyone went down to RPG Town, but unfortunately, all the good caroling spots were reserved by the NRA, who planned to put subliminal messages into their singing that would make everyone on Earth want to own a gun.
"Well, this was a big bust," said Wil. "Who's idea was this?"
"If I remember correctly, I think it was yours!" shouted Galloway.
Suddenly, all the TVs in the nearby electronic store flashed themselves on, revealing Half-Santa's evil face. In fact, every single TV, computer, and other form of media device began to flash the image.
"Ho ho ho!" laughed Half-Santa. "I'm the new Jolly Old Saint Nick! My dear half-brother disagreed with how the family business should be ran, so I had to get rid of him!" The entire group snarled, while all the nearby little children began to cry and scream.
"All those that have been naughty must be punished!" shouted Half-Santa. "Coal will no longer be enough. That's why I plan to execute my harshest punishment on every single naughty person, adult or child! Have a merry Christmas!" He then dissapeared.
"NOW we've got a problem!" shouted Mabat. "We have to get rid of him as soon as possible!" Then they noticed that Wally had dissapeared again...
***
Krankor and his army of chicken-faced goons smashed open the doors to the RPG Town 1st National Bank. A few security guards tried to attack them, but they were blasted by the Krankorians' ray guns, which completely vaporized every part of them except their guns and hats.
"You there!" shouted Krankor, pointing at one of the tellers. "Take us to the safety deposit boxes! Those guards that were standing there are a cruel example of what my ray guns can do to you." The teller then led them into the vault, where the safety deposit boxes were being kept. The Krankorians smashed through the boxes, until they found what they wanted: a black folder with a bunch of Japanese caricatures scribbled on it.
"Ha!" shouted Krankor. "This is what I want!" Suddenly, laser blasts rang out, hitting all of Krankor's goons. He turned, already knowing who to expect.
"Prince of Space!" shouted Krankor.
"That's right, Phantom!" shouted Prince of Space. "You might as well give up! Your weapons will have no affect on me!" Krankor pulled out his laser and fired, but Prince of Space jumped back and dissapeared. Krankor then tore out of the vault and ran like hell through the back. The Prince of Space followed in suit.
On the roof, PC disconnected his cable. There was no reason to go to the vault now; it was too heavily guarded, the police were swarming the area, and there probably wasn't anything worth stealing anyway. However, he DID jump down and ran behind Prince of Space...
***
"Wally!" shouted Galloway. "PC!"
"They're gone," said Omega. "Let's just get to work..."
Suddenly, something large began to fly overhead. Galloway looked up, and saw a large rocket. It finally dissapeared behind the clouds. Whatever it was, the LAST thing he needed was a bunch of aliens...
***
Santa made his way through the lake, through the desert, and through the swamplands to the woods, where he collapsed. Then he saw an all-green boot at his face, and heard a familiar voice. "Santa Claus?"
***
Krankor, Prince of Space, and PC continued their chase, with Krankor blasting various cops whenever given the chance. Finally, they reached a switching station, where Krankor finally turned around.
"I will defeat you!" shouted Krankor.
"I will always be around," said Prince of Space, "to protect those that who call upon me to save them from your domination!" PC didn't even bother pointing out the grammerical errors in that sentence, especially since he was trying to stay hidden.
Krankor pulled out his laser and fired. The Prince of Space, despite saying that he couldn't be harmed by such weapons about seventy times in the last few seconds, ducked under the blast, allowing Krankor to run off.
A few seconds later, a giant spaceship that bore a good resemblence to a narwhal, flew overhead. The Prince of Space ran off, and a few seconds later, another ship, this time resembling an upside-down wheelbarrow with a full scoop on top, flew after the narwhal ship.
PC then saw the rocket fuel formula lying on the ground. He grabbed it, but just then, the SWAT team, FBI, and military decended on him.
***
The rest of the group returned to the hotel, where they laid out their plans of attack. Strangely, nobody noticed that PC was gone (except for Robyn, who was a bit sad about it, and Val, who was about to throw a party because of it), nor did they see that Wally was gone (since he was annoying).
***
Santa looked up, and saw a dumpy green guy wearing the upper part of a red santa suit and skin-tight, fat-enhancing green pants on his lower body. He had a green hood around his face, with two attenas and a red santa hat on his head.
"Droppo!" shouted Santa. "How's Mars?"
"Oh, pretty good," said Droppo. "We had a food pill shortage and a planet wide sandstorm buried the factory for five rotations, but we're just fine! I'm just on vacation!"
"Things aren't good here, Droppo," said Santa. "My evil twin half-brother has taken over the business and is planning to destroy Christmas!"
"WHAT?!" shouted Droppo, in a voice that would annoy anyone. "That cannot be allowed! We must save Christmas for the Earth!"
"I know!" said Santa. "That's why I have to find the one that will save Christmas!" He then pulled out a small address book. "Let's see," he said, leafing through the pages.
"Wilfredo Martinez was last year. Weiila was nineteen years ago. Mabatseeker was three years ago. I don't want Valkyrie Esker to ever attempt to save Christmas again. This year's turn is...d Galloway!"
***
"Okay, kid," said one of the SWAT members, "let's come along quietly! You're going to be thrown into jail for the rest of your miserable life!"
"I don't think so," said PC. He pulled out a gas gernade and threw it on the ground, causing a ton of coughing gas to flow everywhere. PC then shot a grappling hook up, causing it to grab onto a steel beam on the bottom of a water tower. A small motor in his grappling hook-o-cannon pulled him straight up while everyone else was caughing their guts out. Needless to say, it wasn't very pretty; a bloody mess was all that was left when it was over.
PC looked at his former captors and sighed. "I tell ya, the challenege in thievery is gone," he said. "I miss the days when cops were actually SMART." He then shot a grappling hook onto a rooftop and let the motor pull him on.
***
"Quick!" shouted Krankor. "Deploy the meteor zone attack!" A bunch of meteors poured out of the back of his ship, ramming straight-on with Prince of Space's ship. It soon crashed into the mountains of RPG Town, near the hotel.
***
"Okay," said Fou-Lu, "we've got to check out this alien spacecraft landing."
"I'd prefer to check out the hotel..." said Poke.
"SHUT UP!" shouted the cop in the back.
"Sorry, Captain Videospirit," said Poke. "What do we do?"
"There's some nutcase checking the situation out," said Videospirit. "When he dies, we'll go in there ourselves.
***
PC and Wally walked through the front door, both covered with dirt and grime. "What the hell happened to you?" asked Hane.
"Long story," both of them said.
***
Chris of the Brood snuck his way through the tall grass and trees, until he could see two guys in red suits talking to each other. "My God," he said, "evil alien santas are taking over!"
***
"How do we find this d Galloway?" asked Droppo. "It's like looking for a speck of space dust in a comet's tail!"
"You're forgetting," said Santa. "I'm Santa Claus. I have powers you cannot even dream of. Watch." He waved his hands around, and a small ball appeared. In it, he saw the hotel Galloway and the others were staying at.
"That, my dear Droppo," said Santa, "is where we will find d Galloway. He must save Christmas..."
"FREEZE!" shouted a voice behind the trees. Chris jumped out, his sword in hand. "You alien scums are under arrest for trying to take over the world!"
"Oh, you can't be serious," said Santa. "I'm Santa Claus! I'm going to a hotel to stop my brother from destroying Christmas!"
"Shut up, fatso!" said Chris. "Santa Claus ain't real! You're just an evil alien..."
"Hey, don't say that about Santa!" shouted Droppo.
"And you, 'green boy'," shouted Chris, "shut up, too! Let's get going!"
Droppo reached into his pocket and pulled out a hair drier. He pointed it at Chris and pulled the trigger. Chris was instantly immobile.
"You didn't have to do that," said Santa.
"Don't worry," said Droppo. "It's perfectly harmless. He'll wake up in a few hours. I'll take the ship down there; it's not safe here. Wanna ride?"
"Why, thank you, Droppo," said Santa. They then boarded the ship, which immediately blasted off. The immobile Chris fell over, much like a statue.
***
"Sigh," said Weiila that night. "Another uneventful day..."
Galloway grabbed her mouth. "Are you crazy?" he shouted. "Don't you know NOT to say the forbidden words?"
"I know!" shouted Weiila, after bitting Galloway's hand off of her mouth. "But it's been so dull today, ANYTHING would be an improvement..."
As if in response to her question, Chronic appeared in front of them. "Give me the reaver," he said. Val, however, jumped out from behind and stabbed him straight through with Gungnir.
"Okay, that'll be a hundred grand, big boy," said Val. Cronic, however, got right back up. He looked back at Val, and smiled.
"You fool," he said. "Do you really think you can kill a god?" He then knocked Val away with one backhand. Everyone else ran into the room and entered a big free-for-all, but were all batted away easily.
"I cannot be defeated!" said Cronic. "Now, hand over the Reaver, or I will destroy all of you!"
"Kamehameha!" shouted Galloway, blasting Cronic with a huge Kamehameha wave. Cronic, however, withstood the whole thing without so much of a scratch; however, the hood of his robe was burned away, revealing a face Galloway instantly recognized. "Kronos!"
"That's right," said Kronos. "I was able to impersonate my brother perfectly, and tried to erase you all from existance, but the Reaver intervenned. I found the Time Gem, which allowed me to control time and space, and thus made me like my brother, Cronos. However, Prince of Space had to go and destroy it. Now, all I have is my managment time skills and my godly immortality!"
Galloway raised his hand to blast Kronos away, but he waited until Kronos had walked to the side before firing. Instead, the blast hit Val right in the face. He then tried to punch Kronos away, but once again, he waited until the god was out of the way, and hit Weiila instead.
"Don't you get it yet?" shouted Kronos. "I can interfer with your perception of time. You cannot hit me!"
"Crap," thought Galloway, "he's right. I can't do anything..."
Suddenly, Maria jump-kicked Kronos in the side of the head, sending him flying into the wall. "That should help!" she said. "Daddy, use the curvy sword-thing!"
Galloway grabbed the Reaver and charged at Kronos, but the god got out of the way before he could hit. Kerr, however, pounced onto Kronos and scratched his face up, only to get batted away again. Wally dissapeared, while Robyn and PC both jumped onto Kronos.
Galloway then realized what was going on. "Everyone!" he shouted. "Attack at the same time!" Since nobody had thought of a better idea, they attacked. Kronos began to scream in pain and frustration.
Finally, he looked up...and saw Galloway jumping towards him. He prepared to screw up time again, but a bunch of laser blasts hit his head, curtosy of Prince of Space. When he looked back up, he saw Galloway ramming the Reaver into his skull.
He fell to the ground, nothing more than a dried-up corpse, which then transformed into a ball of pure energy and flew away into the sky.
"He couldn't maintain his power and get distracted from me at the same time," Galloway explained. "He was a lousy god. I hope the next Kronos will actually be competent."
***
Sir Percivel drove along the dark road. Strangely, there was no life to be seen anywhere, which was wierd, considering this was the whoriest place on earth. Then he saw why.
Zombies began to pour out from all over. They attacked cars, smashed through windows, and caused general all-around mayhem. Perc slammed his foot on the accelerator and plowed through the undead horde, sending blood and gore flying.
From a rooftop, a lone figure in black watched.
***
Chris finally regained his movement, after several hours of being frozen. He picked himself off the ground and walked to his car. This was not going to be a pretty report...
***
"We'll be there in one Earth morning," said Droppo, carefully piloting the spaceship. Strangely, it seemed to be run on a Simon game.
"Well, I hope he's doing okay," said Santa. "I don't like this feeling I'm getting..."
***
"Okay," said Galloway. "We've survived another night. All that remains is for Weiila to dissapear mysteriously and the ghost to attack us somehow."
As if on que, Weiila dissapeared, and a trap door opened under Galloway, Hane, and Pierson, sending them falling into a deep pit. They plummetted through darkness for several minutes, before finally landing in something smelly, sticky, and all-around disgusting. When they realized what it was, the all screamed in horror.
(And no, I'm not telling you. You guys figure it out!)
***
Weiila was back in the nightmare world. However, she was no longer where she was in relation to the hotel; rather, she was in a dark passage of some kind. A blood trail stretched down the whole length of it. She then saw a SMG lying on the ground, along with a hundred clips. Grabbing the gun and ammo, she walked down the hall.
When she reached the end, she found herself waist-deep in a pool of blood. The walls around her bulged and shot out slimy puss and ooze. After vomitting in the corner, she walked through the pool, pulled herself up, walked into another room, and fell into another pool of blood.
"IT IS TIME," said the evil voice from before. "PREPARE FOR YOUR GRISLY END!" Suddenly, a monster that looked uglier than a hundred Pyramid Heads emerged. He had long, metal claws on an otherwise naked body.
Weiila raised the SMG and fired, but the stream threw her back-first into the pool. The monster pounced onto her, landing right on her chest and knocking the air out of her lungs. It then raised its claws and struck down.
***
"My God," said Galloway, after pulling himself out of the slimy darkness. The three finally emerged in the bathroom.
"I'm not going through that again!" shouted Hane. "That's the sickest thing ever!"
"Yeah!" shouted Pierson. "I'd rather see Star naked again than go through there again!"
"Wait a second," said Galloway. "You mean...you saw Starstorm...naked?" The three were dead silent for a few seconds, then rushed to the toilet and began to vomit their guts out.
***
Weiila suddenly felt something in her head, and everything went black. She slowly stood back up, gazing around in the dank darkness. "Let me guess," she said. "I died again."
"Not quite," said a wierd voice. Weiila turned around, but saw nothing.
"Who the hell are you?" she asked.
"Can't you recognize a disembodied voice out of nowhere when you hear one?" asked the voice.
"Sorry!" said Weiila. "What happened?"
"I pulled your conciousness away from your body," said the voice. "It is imperative that you survive and destroy the spirit in the crystal."
"I know that," said Weiila. "I want these goddamn nightmares to stop! I was worshipping the porceilin god for three hours yesterday!"
"Would you stop thinking about yourself?" asked the voice. "You are the most selfish woman I've ever met! Now, let's get down to business. I will end you back to the nightmare world, with the power to defeat the monster. After that, you will return to the real world. Tommorrow, you will battle the force behind the crystal, and defeat it. Until then, rest."
"Okay, Mr. Voice," said Weiila. She then found herself back in her body, staring at the deadly claws. Raising her hands, she shot a blast of pure white energy into the monster, knocking it clean off of her and slamming into the wall. She then filled it with enough SMG rounds to take out the entire US military.
She then found herself back in the real world, just as the voice had said. All she had to do now was figure out what was going on, and put an end to it. And worship the porceilin god for another three hours.
***
Perc continued to drive, until the front of his car was bathed in zombie blood and he crashed into a tree. He jumped out of his car, sword in hand. The zombies began to crowd around him, only to get sliced apart by Perc's sword.
Suddenly, Chris walked into the area. When he saw the zombies, he raised his sword and jumped in, too. Then Poke, Fou-Lu, and Videospirit drove in. Their cop car flipped over after running over a hundred zombies, but they jumped out before it went up in flames, armed with shotguns, handguns, and assault rifles.
The figure in black continued to watch. It then melted away, as even more zombies appeared.
***
Galloway flipped on the TV, only to find the news on every channel. He was about to turn it on when he saw what was going on.
"Tonight," said the good-looking but vastly unqualified to even exist, pathetic excuse for a human being (aka a TV journalist), "evil zombies have swarmed the streets, and are causing massive panic! RPG Town is in chaos! I fired my hair stylist! I suck the cocks of my coanchor's many boyfriends! I'm a wild, raving drunk! I'm-" A zombie then broke through the wall and killed the guy, much to Galloway's relief.
"Okay!" shouted Galloway. "Special Anti-Zombie Forces, ASSEMBLE!" Starstorm, Mabat, PC, Pierson, Omega, Heaven's Soldier, and Hane ran over Galloway on their way out the door. Galloway pulled himself out of the floor, then ran out to join them.
***
The group ran into the streets, where they found Perc, Chris, Poke, Fou-Lu, and Videospirit fighting it out with the zombies. "Damn!" shouted Omega. "That's a hell of a lot of zombies..."
"It's like one of those crappy 'Evil Dead' movies," said Galloway.
"WHAT?!" shouted Mabat. "Just hope an Evil Dead fan didn't hear you..."
"Forget it!" shouted Starstorm. "Let's get to killing!"
***
Everyone that was still at the hotel woke up the next day, only to find Galloway and a bunch of the others missing. Then they turned on the TV, and saw the new pathetic excuse for a human anchoring the news (whatever that means).
"Sectors 11 and 12 have been rendered zombie-free, but the rest of RPG Town lies under the heel of an enormous army of flesh-consuming zombies! Also, the zombies have made their way up the mountain, towards the old hotel. A strange, narwhal-like ship has also been spotted flying overhead. And finally, I've been having wild, untamed sex with the weatherlady!" A bunch of shotgun blasts followed, along with a bunch of static.
Suddenly, a loud knock was heard at the door. Wally dissapeared again, so Maria walked to the door and leaned her head against it. "Is this an army of evil flesh-eating zombies?"
"No..." mumbled a faint voice. "Brains..."
"Okay!" shouted Maria. She threw the door open, and the zombies began to pour in. Everyone quickly entered their combat positions.
***
The zombie-hunting group made their way to an abandoned warehouse in Sector 7. The zombies began to surround them, but apparantly, they couldn't operate a doorknob, so they were relatively safe.
"Damn it!" shouted Videospirit. "How many of these damn things are there?"
"It's like something is making an endless amount of them!" shouted Hane.
Galloway and Mabat sat down by a bunch of old crates. "Damn," said Mabat. "They're immune to my blue magic. It's hopeless."
"No," said Galloway, "they're immune to blue magic because blue magic- and blue mages, for that matter- suck." Mabat then jumped onto Galloway and began to pound his head in.
"Do not fight amonst yourselves," said a strange voice. "Fight the zombies."
"Who's there?" shouted Galloway. He then saw a mysterious shadowy figure.
"Hey!" shouted Omega. "You're my informant!"
"Why, yes," said the figure. "I have come to help you. I know what has become of the ghost's fiance."
"Who are you?" asked Chris.
"I cannot tell you," said the figure, "but I will tell you that I seek revenge on Half-Santa..."
PC raised his flashlight, revealing the figure to be demigod. "Man, you guys are idiots!" he shouted. "Does it take you THAT long to realize how to do this?"
"Shut up," said demigod. "Half-Santa is part of a group that organized the murder in the hotel. My friend's name was KaiserVonAlmasy, and he was a comedian that night. He was murdered as a part of a sadistic cult ritual. They seek the Reaver because it would allow them to gain the souls of those they attack."
The sound of scratching noises echoed from outside; the zombies were breaking in. "Who's the fiance?" shouted Heaven's Soldier. "We don't have a lot of time!"
"She's the one that created these zombies," said demigod. "You know her...as Necrophilia." Just then, the zombies broke through the wall.
***
"Krankor," said SonicBomber via an intercom, "was the mission a success?"
"Yes," said Krankor. "Every server on the Internet has a bomb on it. Everything is ready!"
"Sir," said one of the Krankorians, "a ship is coming onto us." Krankor checked the radar, which was able to give an exact picture of what was going on. The Prince of Space's ship was tailing them.
"Damn!" shouted SonicBomber. "Get rid of him NOW!" He then signed off, and Krankor let out a small growl.
"You there!" shouted Krankor, pointing at a random Krankorian. "Discharge the cosmic vapors!" The Krankorian pushed a button, and a bunch of gas was emitted from the back of Krankor's ship.
The Prince of Space was completely inveloped in the gas, and when it cleared, Krankor was long gone. Sighing, he steered the ship around and flew back to RPG Town.
***
"Okay," said Val, after five minutes of non-stop fighting, "that was only a small undead legion."
"Maria," said Kerr, "I'll handle this the way your dad would. You're grounded until I forget what the hell this was all about and watch your mother get drunk and dance around." Maria, however, was still under a massive pile of zombies that she had recently slaughtered.
"Why don't we join the others?" asked Wil. "They could probably use some help-"
"NO!" shouted everyone, except Maria, who was still under a massive pile of zombies.
Suddenly, something began to blast from outside. A large rocketship set down in front of the hotel. Santa Claus and a wierd-looking alien guy climbed down a small ladder from the rocket part of the ship.
"Excuse me," said Santa, "but where is d Galloway?"
"He's in town right now, Santa," said Wil. "Why don't we wait for him?"
***
The group hacked, slashed, and shot their way out of the warehouse, then entered the main streets of Sector 7. Star brought his claws down upon a bloated zombie. A fountain of blood rocketed onto his body. "Stupid Evil Dead-style 50 gallon bloodsprays!" he shouted.
"Enough humerous quips!" shouted demigod. "We're almost through!" Finally, the last zombie in Sector 7 died...again. Everyone let out their victory screams and dances.
"Wait a minute!" shouted Galloway. "We still have many more sectors to go!" Everyone sighed, then went into Sector 6, where another army of the undead awaited them.
"Does anyone feel like we're in Doom here?" asked Galloway, as he punched a zombie's head off.
"Feels more like House of the Dead, if you ask me," said PC, after shooting a zombie's arms and head off.
"Feels more like Evil Dead, only minus the chainsaw and humerous one-liners," said Starstorm, slicing a zombie apart.
"So, it's Evil Dead 1, then," said Galloway. "Besides, Doom could kick House of the Dead's ass."
"Shut up!" shouted PC. "House of the Dead rocks!"
"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" shouted Hane, after putting her fingernail through a zombie's brain.
Suddenly, laser blasts came from the sky, vaporizing several million zombies. Everyone looked up, and saw the Prince of Space's spaceship hovering above them.
"I don't know how to feel," said Pierson. "On one hand, I'm glad this is over. On the other hand, we were saved by a pansy in an Evil Kenivel suit. Looks like suicide city for me..."
"Forget it," said Mabat. "Let's just go back."
***
Amazingly, life returned to normal in RPG Town as soon as all the zombies were dead. Poke, Fou-Lu, Videospirit, and Chris returned to the station, where they sat around and ate donuts. Their strenght restored, they then went back to hunting down clues to bring down the group at the hotel.
***
"So, Perc," said Galloway, "where were you heading?"
"I have to escape from Sin," said Perc. "Normally, I respect him, but he's gone nuts ever since we made him dictator of Christmas."
"I told Merlin before!" said Mabat. "Giving Sin absolute power was nothing but trouble!"
"Anyway," said Perc, "I'd best be leaving. I saw someone controlling the zombies, and I have to hunt them down. Oh, and does anyone have bus fare?" Galloway handed him a couple bucks, and Perc left.
Wally then walked by them. "I'm going to go bootblack," he said. "I need to pull in a few dollars."
Finally, they reached the hotel, completely oblivious to the rather large spaceship sitting on the front lawn. Galloway opened the door, only to find himself face-to-face with Santa himself.
"d Galloway," said Santa, "you must save Christmas!"
"I know," said Galloway. "That's what we've been trying to do for several days."
"You don't understand!" said Droppo.
"I think he does," said a voice from behind. They turned, and saw Necrophilia standing behind them, her arms crossed.
***
Two Krankorians, dressed in white suits and stupid surgical masks, drove a black van through RPG Town. Since a zombie attack had just occured, nobody bothered to take a good look at them.
"Has the microwave radar found that prince yet?" asked one of the Krankorians.
A Krankorian poked his head through a hole above the front seats. "I'm getting a reading. It's faint, but we're getting closer."
They continued driving, until the Krankorian from the back poked his head back through. "He's right next to us!" he shouted. "The Prince of Space is nearby!"
He looked at a large radar box in the back of the van. He pressed a simple button, and the radar dissapeared, only to be replaced by what was going on outside. The only person nearby was Wally, who was bootblacking his own shoes for the time being. The signal was coming from him!
***
Krankor picked up the ringing intercom. "What?!"
"We have found the Prince of Space!" shouted the Krankorian. "We are sending a picture right now!" A picture of Wally appeared on Krankor's computer.
"Hmmmmm," said Krankor, "so the Prince of Space is disguised as a miserable bootblack. Follow him, but do not take care of him until tonight. Be sure to get back to the fortress in time, or you'll die when the bombs go off at midnight tonight."
***
"Okay, Necrophilia," said Galloway, "what the hell are you doing?"
"You destroyed my precious undead army," said Necrophilia. "Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to bring that many zombies? Not only that, but you killed the other members of the Dark Five! All that remains is me and the Dark Master!"
"I thought there was something wierd," said Galloway. "Gladar only mentioned four members, but you called yourself the Dark Five. Tell me, who is this master of yours?"
"To be quite honest," said Necrophilia, "I don't know, either. I was simply ordered to destroy the space-time contiuum and ruin Christmas."
"What caused this?" asked Galloway. "We know who you are. You were engaged..."
"Yes, I was," said Necrophilia, "but what does it matter? My fiance was murdered by a bunch of blood-thirsty old women after saying an elderly-insulting joke. I died shortly after that, and the rest is history. Anyway, the time for chat is over. Hand over the Reaver."
"Do you really think I-" began Galloway. Then he felt something grab the Reaver. He looked down, and saw Val throw the Reaver to Necrophilia.
"Thank you," said Necrophilia, raising the sword. "And now, Galloway, you will die." She then jumped back onto the mountain path.
Galloway flew in front of her. "Reaver or not, I can kill you again! You do not know my full power!"
"Be sure to give my regards to my fiance," said Necrophilia. "I'll send you to hell to meet him!"
Weiila looked at what was going on in sheer disbelief. "My god, that was the most idiotic speech I've ever heard."
***
"I feel something," said a disembodied voice from out of nowhere. "I haven't sensed this in years. I must learn what it is!"
***
Necrophilia raised the Reaver and swung downwards, but Galloway jumped out of the way. He fired a few energy blasts, but Necrophilia sliced them apart with the Reaver.
"Play keep-away all you want!" she shouted. "It won't do you any good!" She raised the Reaver to her chest and pointed the blade out. Energy began to gather around it. A blast rocketed out of the blade. Galloway dodged, but another blast flew at him at the same time.
The blast ripped straight through him. His limp body fell to the ground, his blood already pouring onto the ground. Necrophilia walked towards him.
"That was pathetic," she said. "You were all talk after all. I can't stand to see such poor things suffer, so I'll end it for you!" She then raised the Reaver. As she swung it down, Galloway looked at his hand...and noticed a bit of the blast's energy he had grabbed.
He raised his hand and caught the Reaver. A massive blast followed, and when it cleared, the Reaver was completely shattered. Galloway was lying motionless on the ground, while Necrophilia was looking around in shock.
"What the goddamn hell happened?" she shouted. "The Soul Reaver's completely destroyed!" She kicked Galloway's body a few times, then began to chant. A horde of flesh-eating zombies emerged from the ground.
"My undead army," she said, "destroy the others!" They then stalked towards the hotel, only to get vaporized instantly by a massive energy beam. Maria looked at Necrophilia, her eyes red with rage.
"So, the little girl wants to hurt me?" laughed Necrophilia. "Very well. Come on, girl! I'll make it quick on you!"
"You...murderous...bitch!" shouted Maria. She flew straight at Necrophilia, only to get knocked over the mountainside by one backhand.
"Well, I guess that's it," she said. She then began to walk to the hotel, until she felt something rip through her back. She turned, and saw Galloway standing behind her, still clutching a huge hole in his chest.
"You...haven't...won," he gasped. "I...will...kill...you!"
Necrophilia sighed. "You are most anxious to die. Well, I won't deny you-" Then she felt something rip through her arm. She looked down, and saw Gungnir. The spear was sticking through her entire arm. She turned, and saw Robyn standing behind her.
"Robyn!" shouted Val. "How'd you get that?"
"I found it in your room!" shouted Robyn. "I hope you don't mind!" Val minded, but didn't care right now.
"You are pathetic," said Necrophilia. "Do you really think such a paltry attack can harm me?" Then she looked back at Galloway, and saw Weiila standing behind him. The hole in his chest was now gone.
Then she looked down at his hand. Sticking out of it was a mess of pure energy, which seemed to be shaped into a long blade of some kind. "How do you like it?" asked Galloway. "I expected the Reaver to break when it encountered its own energy, but I didn't expect this."
"What do you mean?" asked Necrophilia.
"Simple," said Galloway. "This is the new version of the Soul Reaver."
"What do you mean?" asked Necrophilia. "The Reaver...it was smashed!"
"I know," said Galloway. "The sword, however, was just a shell. The real power of the Reaver was within the sword. This is all that's left of it."
"...this got a LOT wierder," sighed Weiila.
***
"Okay," said Santa, "while we're waiting for them to finish, I guess I should prepare one of you to help."
"...eh?" asked Omega.
"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Pierson.
Santa pulled out a small book. "Let's see," he said, examining a page, "it's Val's turn to be forgiven. Please follow me into the kitchen." He then took Val into the kitchen.
***
Galloway jumped back and raised his energy-covered arm. "Can we finish this, please? This is rather uncomfortable."
"Just one more question," said Necrophilia. "I know that some kind of power was imprisoned inside the Reaver, but how did it merge with YOU?"
"Beats me," said Galloway. "Let's just call it 'fate', or if you believe insane old guys, 'destiny'."
"...those are the same things, idiot," said Necrophilia.
"Shut up," said Galloway. "Let's just finish this."
Necrophilia jumped forward, landing right in front of Galloway. She raised her hands and attacked. (Unfortunately, the cameraman tried to get a dramatic angle, and he fell off the cliff. Therefore, we will skip ahead in the fight.)
"Damn," said Necrophilia, completely out of breath, "I knew I shouldn't have drawn this out."
Galloway smiled behind his blood-stained teeth and raised the Reaver to Necrophilia's neck. "Say goodbye!"
"STOP!" shouted a voice. Galloway was suddenly thrown against the wall. Necrophilia's eyes darted around in confusion. She stood back up and looked around nervously.
"I know that face," said the voice. "Elizabeth...my darling fiance..."
"Kaiser?" asked Necrophilia. "Is that really you?"
A ghostly figure rose out of the ground. It was a handsome young man. "My darling, what happened to your heart? Why did you become so evil?"
"You were killed on Christmas," said Necrophilia. "How could I not come to hate this holiday?"
"I know," said Kaiser. "I hate Christmas, too. I tried to kill everyone that celebrated this holiday in the hotel. In fact, I still am."
"Drop it, Kaiser," said Galloway. "You are both undead. You don't belong in this world; you have to cross to the other side."
"Don't talk to me like that!" shouted Kaiser. "I was left waiting for my...fi...an...ce..." He looked back at Necrophilia, who looked at him. Their eyes reflected their fiery passion for each other. They began to french kiss each other like wild dogs.
A beam of light came down from the clouds, covering them both. Necrophilia looked back at Galloway. "The master still lives. He is working with a dark entity to destroy Christmas. His plan is to punish the naughty children on Christmas Eve. You must stop him." They then rose into the heavens.
Galloway willed the Reaver to dissapear, which it did. He then leaned over and began to vomit his guts out.
***
"So," said Santa, as Val sat in a chair facing him, "what would you like for Christmas?"
"Besides for booze and the death of d Galloway and PC Glenton," said Val, "I would like to be an adult again."
"Then that's what you'll get...RIGHT NOW!" He then snapped his fingers, and Val dissapeared in a puff of smoke. When it cleared, she was an adult again.
"Thanks, Santa," said Val. "Now, how do I help?"
***
Wally packed up his bootblack stuff as the sun began to set. He walked towards the hotel, while the van followed slowly behind.
When he reached the hotel, he went in through the back, as not to disturb everyone else. He walked up to his room, set his stuff down, and laid down. Then he saw something in the window. Two Krankorians jumped through, their lasers drawn.
Even when facing Wally, though, they were complete idiots. Wally punched them both in the guts, then jumped through the window onto the fire escape. He ran down to the street level and ran towards the back passage of the hotel, several Krankorians in pursuit.
Wil, Pierson, Mabat, Heaven's Soldier, and Omega looked up from their Go Fish game, and saw the chase. Curious, they ran after the Krankorians.
After they ran after the Krankorians, a hearse, driven by Krankor, followed the chase scene.
***
Weiila grabbed her precious hunting rifle and waited in the closet. Finally, she found herself back in the nightmare world. She walked around the hotel, killing about eighty monsters in the process. All the doors were busted, except for the door leading to the unexplored attic.
She walked in, only to hear the door slam shut and lock behind her. A monsterous roar echoed from all over. "So, you have come. It is time for you to die."
"I don't think so," said Weiila. "I'm gonna put an end to this now." She looked around, and finally saw her enemy. It was a monstrous tentacled being, just barely less ugly than Cthulu and Darkmare. It hanged from the ceiling with one gigantic tendril, and had a mouth full of slime-dripping fangs.
"I am the spirit of the crystal," said the monster. "My duty is to ensure that the souls the crystal absorbs do not leave. And now, you will join them."
He shot out several tentacles, but Weiila rolled out of the way and fired at the monster. After a few shots, the monster spat acidic slime at Weiila. She dodged, and the slime burned through the floor and walls.
She fired several hundred more shots at the monster, dodging several million other attacks along the way. Finally, the monster collapsed and died. Weiila fell to her knees and sighed. "It's over. I'm free from this nightmare."
"I don't think so," said a familiar voice. Weiila turned, and saw Daemon standing behind her. "I will take over here. Now, you must die."
"I knew there was something wierd about you!" shouted Weiila. "Now die again, Daemon!" Weiila dodged several hundred lightning blasts and finally tried to shoot back, but she was out of ammo.
"Oh shi-!" shouted Daemon. He then exploded in a fountain of blood and gore, leaving only his head.
"You...were...out...of...ammo?" gasped his head. "Damn...it....But...know...this...the...curse...does...not...die...here...the...crystal...still...has...power...and...will...destroy...all...the...world..." The head then exploded, and Weiila was back in the real world.
***
Wally ran down the road, until he reached a large graveyard. The Krankorians followed him, but Wil and the others were ran over by Krankor's hearse, thus slightly injuring them and forcing them to move slower.
Wally dashed into the trees by the graveyard. The Krankorians let loose about eight volleys of laser blasts into the trees, tearing them to shreds. When the dust cleared, the Prince of Space jumped out of the former trees, very pissed off.
"Oh!" shouted one of the Krankorians. "Prince of Space!"
"Your weapons are useless," said Prince of Space, for about the umptenth time. "Let's try bare hands now!" The Krankorians charged at him, but he punched them all in the balls before they could do anything.
He looked up, and saw Krankor's hearse pull around the corner. Krankor stepped out and opened a panel in the back, revealing a large laser cannon. "You again!" shouted Prince of Space.
"Ha...............ha..................ha..................ha!" laughed Krankor. "Your end has come, fool!" The laser cannon began to fire a massive series of blasts. Prince of Space just stood there, firing back. Finally, Krankor stopped firing, a stunned look on his face.
"Ha ha ha ha!" said Prince of Space. "What did you think would happen? That I would get bored and die, and allow you to rule?"
"Why, you!" shouted Krankor. "Come closer!"
"I'm close enough, thank you," said Prince of Space. "The stench of your foul breath is more than my stomach can stand!" Krankor growled, then went back into the hearse and drove off, runing over Wil and the others again.
Finally, everyone got back together. Omega grabbed one of the Krankorians and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLANNING?!"
"We will destroy the internet!" he laughed. "And you cannot stop us! You do not know about our secret base on Planet Krankor!" He then died.
"Planet Krankor..." said Prince of Space. "I had hoped I would never have to go back there. We have no time to gather the others. We must take my ship!"
***
"Okay," said Galloway, after having a private chat with Santa and Droppo, "I get it. We leave for the North Pole tonight!"
***
Everyone crammed into the Prince of Space's small spaceship and rocketed off after Krankor's narwhal ship. "Krankor will be nearby," said Prince of Space. "We'll be facing some heavy opposition, but we've got to defeat them!"
***
Krankor's ship landed in a large castle, made completely out of solid rock. Krankor, SonicBomber, and Crotanks were taken into the Great Hall, where Krankor sat himself at his throne.
"The Prince of Space is nearby, I bet," said Krankor. "Fortunately, my guardian will defeat him!" He pressed a button, and the wall behind him slid down, revealing a bleak landscape of rocks and debris.
"Oh dear God!" shouted Crotanks. "Anything but an old Star Trek set!"
"Quiet!" said SonicBomber. "I've got the gun batteries loaded, just in case. Tell me, what is this guardian?"
"Take a look," said Krankor. Suddenly, a sixty-foot monster lumbered around nearby. It was fat, muscular, and very bloody ugly.
"That is my guardian, the Giant," said Krankor. "He is a creature of my own creation. He obeys my slightest command."
"Like, 'lumber around aimlessly and gain weight'?" asked Crotanks. SonicBomber then slapped him in the face.
***
Prince of Space's ship flew down over the Krankorian surface. "I think I see a castle nearby!" said Mabat.
"That must be Phantom of Krankor's palace!" shouted Prince of Space.
"Let's just finish this!" said Pierson. "I can't breathe in here!"
Suddenly, the giant lumbered towards them. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT?!" shouted Heaven's Soldier.
The giant opened its mouth and let out a gigantic, smelly burp. Prince of Space flew right through it without getting damaged a bit. The giant tried to swat him down, but he dodged the monster's claws. Finally, the giant let out a massive stream of flames. Prince of Space flew his ship right through, though, and fired a barrage of lasers into the giant's mouth. It lumbered backward, then fell over, dead.
The ship flew towards the castle, but a bunch of gun batteries suddenly went off. The ship went straight down, while Krankor let out his hour-long laugh. "Nobody can withstand my Thorian Bombs!" shouted SonicBomber.
"Now, load the prisoner into a space capsule!" shouted Krankor. "You will be launched into a star, where your pain will be brutal, but it will be brief."
Two Krankorians grabbed SonicBomber and threw him into a nearby space capsule. One was going to push a button, but a laser blast suddenly blasted him. Prince of Space and the others jumped out.
"We survived that!" shouted Heaven's Soldier. "I'd bet anything that was the best you could throw at us!"
Krankor growled. A bunch of Krankorians charged at them, but most were taken out by the Prince of Space's laser blasts. Wil smacked two out with one swipe of his staff, Pierson sliced three of them with one sword swipe, Heaven's Soldier beat the crap out of a bunch of them with several fist swipes, and Mabat tried to beat a bunch of them up, but screwed up, since he's a blue mage, but all blue mages suck.
Finally, Krankor ducked behind his throne. SonicBomber ran off and hid behind a desk. Krankor pushed a button, and about eighty laser guns shot out of the walls and blasted Prince of Space. However, like always, he wasn't affected. Krankor and SonicBomber ran off, along with a handful of Krankorians.
Prince of Space ran after them, solving a giant maze along the way. Finally, they reached the hanger, where Krankor, SonicBomber, and the Krankorians were about to board their ship. Prince of Space jumped out, his laser out.
"Do not attempt to go down the ramp!" he shouted. "I've booby-trapped the whole thing. Go down, and your Thorian Bombs will blast you into the next world! Now, surrender!"
"You're already too late!" said SonicBomber. "The bombs go off in fifteen seconds!"
"I don't think so!" said Wil. "We got a call five seconds after taking off from Earth! The bombs were disarmed thanks to a genius hacker named Wertigon!"
"Damn!" shouted SonicBomber.
"You won't take us alive!" shouted Krankor. They then ran off down the ramp.
Prince of Space turned back to the others. "Get to Krankor's ship!" he shouted. "I will follow you after you are all off the planet! Now go!" A loud explosion followed. They had to get out of here!
Krankor and SonicBomber ran over a few steps, only to watch the last few Krankorians get killed in an explosion. Bombs went off around them. Finally, they died when an explosion went off twenty feet away from them. Prince of Space stood up from the smoke. "If they had built this up to code, this never would have happened!" he said. He then ran to his ship as the roof began to collapse.
Krankor's ship and the Prince of Space's ship both took off as the entire castle exploded. "And a proud, noble civilization dies out...sometimes," said Wil. "This loser civilization, however, will not be missed!"
Krankor's ship flew towards Earth, the Prince of Space's ship behind them. A wierd song, sung by tone-deaf Japanese kids, played out of nowhere.
***
Everyone that was still at the hotel boarded Droppo's ship. It rocketed off the ground, and sped away to the north pole. Everyone just sat around and ate pills for dinner while Droppo and Santa navigated the ship.
Krankor's ship then sailed nearby. A transmission opened up between the two, as Wil's mug appeared on the viewscreen. "Hey! Where the hell are you guys going?"
"We're saving the north pole," said Val. "Follow us, or go back to the hotel."
"We're on our way!" said Heaven's Soldier. "The Prince of Space is behind us, too; he can help...I guess."
"The more, the merrier," said Hane. "Let's just get going and save Christmas!" The three ships (Droppo's ship, Krankor's ship, and Prince of Space's ship) rocketed off to the north pole.
***
"Are the defenses in place?" asked Half-Santa.
"Yes," said an elf. "We've also finished mining all the coal out of the old mines. You have enough to destroy Christmas forever!"
"Uh, sir," said another elf, "we're freezing. We need the coal to fuel the furnace. Also, don't you think this is wrong? I mean, not every kid deserves to be punished."
Half-Santa looked at the elf for a second, then pulled out a pistol and shot his brains out. "Okay, load up my brother's backup Sleigh!" he shouted. "Good thing we still have the reindeer, or we'd be in a LOT of trouble!"
"Hey, shaddup!" said Stan, after throwing his hat onto the ground and stomping on it. "I done be tryin' to make my done famous gopher stew!" Half-Santa smiled, then turned away and looked sick.
***
The three ships landed in a thick forest outside of Santa's workshop. An array of buildings and walls sorrounded it, giving it the appearance of a fortress. Galloway then flew back down. "Okay, I was able to make out several security control systems around the base. There also seems to be an of defenses around those. Elf guards run tight patrols around the entire fortress. They seemed to be armed with AK-47s and gernades. Also, I think I heard a few talking about laser tripwires and stuff like that."
"So, we have to take care of the defenses first, right?" said PC. "Well, since I'm the only real sneaky guy here, I can handle it."
"What?" asked Pierson. "I'm just as good a thief as you!"
"Actually," said Kerr, "for the five seconds PC was talking, I was able to take every last scent off of everyone here, along with Droppo's hidden stash of chocolate cake pills." He then dropped a heavy leather bag full of stuff.
(one heavy beating later)
"Okay, fine," said PC, "you're not that bad yourself. Let's just get going."
"You should go through the eastern area," said Galloway. "It's the lightest guarded of the fortress areas I could see, and even there, a lot of guards move around there. Good luck." PC, Pierson and Kerr then walked off towards the fortress.
***
The three thieves snuck through the snow and frost to the eastern wall. Two elf guards walked around here, in tight formation. "Okay," said PC, "we need to get rid of these guys. Does anyone have a pistol?"
Kerr reached into his pocket and pulled out a gigantic hangun, complete with laser sight, silencer, scope, and a shitload of weapon mods. PC raised the gigantic gun and waited until the two guards were standing on opposite ends. He shot one of the guards. The other one turned around and ran to his body, only to get drilled by PC's gun.
"Okay," said Pierson, putting on a high-tech pair of googles, "stay behind me." The three snuck through the snow, hid the bodies in the trees, and made their way into the fortress.
The inner courtyard was filled with conviently-placed crates, allowing them a place to hide. About ten guards patrolled the area, while three others were stationed in guard towers, complete with large searchlights. Alarms were placed all over, as well.
"Damn," whispered Kerr, "this is bad. We can't get through this way without waking up the whole fortress."
Pierson pushed a few buttons on his googles. His sight zoomed in on a small doorway to the side, almost completely invisible due to the shadows. "There's a door over there," he whispered. "We need to sneak over there. It's the only way in."
They leaned over the side of the crate, then dashed to the next one while the guards were looking away. They repeated this a few more times, then finally reached the door. The door was locked with a heavy padlock, but PC was able to pick it easily. After applying a little oil to the hinges, they slipped inside.
Kerr leaned over a corner, and saw a large, grey generator. It had to be one of the control systems Galloway mentioned. There was only one guard in front of it, sitting on a bench with his back turned to the three, but Kerr could see three others through a nearby window.
"I'll handle this," he said. He winced, and two wings unfolded out of his back. He then darted under the windows, staying out of the view of the guards. Finally, he snuck up behind the lone guard and strangled him with a garrote wire. He then pushed a large button on the control system, and a message read, "Security Grid A disabled."
He then motioned the others. They snuck under the windows again, then took Kerr through a door in the side of the room. Kerr tried to get through, but his wings got caught on the door. Sighing, he folded them back up, then continued through.
Pierson held his hand out before they went around a corner. Leaning, he saw a massive number of moving laser tripwires in the hallway, which explained the lack of guards.
"These googles will only fit me right now," said Pierson. "You guys stay here. I'll turn off the security grid." He then made his way to the laser tripwires.
He ducked under one wire, then jumped over another, then rolled left, then rolled forward, and jumped forward. He then jumped over another wire and grabbed onto the ceiling, crawled over a few wires, then dropped down and crawled under another series of wires. He then dived through a small, box-like grid, and hugged the wall to get past a few more wires. Finally, he jumped over several wires, then immediately ducked, rolled, and jumped again. At last, he reached the end, where a control system was waiting for him.
He pushed a large button, and a message read, "Security Grid B disabled." He looked back, and all of the laser tripwires were disabled. He motioned the others, and they ran through. He then took off the googles; their batteries were dead.
The third area of the fortress was nothing more than a large warehouse. Guards marched in set patrols all over. The three snuck up a ladder, making sure none of the guards saw them. They then silently took out a sleeping guard and crawled along a metal catwalk. Fortunately, the railing also had a large wall on it, so the guard below couldn't see them.
They followed the catwalk for a while, then snuck down a set of stairs. They then saw a bunch of guards, as well as an array of security cameras. "I'll take care of this," said PC. "You guys stay hidden." He snuck to a corner, then threw on a child-sized Thermopatic Camo. Now completely invincible, he ran past the guards and cameras, ducked into a small sideroom, and shut the door as the camo wore off. Inside the room was the third control system.
He pushed a button, and a message read, "Security Grid C disabled. We are now defenseless." PC smiled, then opened the door and shot down all the guards. He then used his codec.
(begin codec conversasion)
PC: Okay, the security is offline. It's all yours.
Galloway: What about you?
PC: We'll join you once you get inside. We're in the west section.
Galloway: All right. Good luck.
(end codec conversasion)
***
"Sir!" shouted one of the elves, "the security grid is down!"
"What?!" shouted Half-Santa. He looked at the computer, and growled. "Damn him! I bet my brother has a hand in this!"
"What should we do?" asked the elf.
Half-Santa turned to him and frowned. "We have no choice but to release the Guardian."
"The Guardian?" asked the elf, his voice filled with fear. "Are you sure? We know how dangerous it is!"
"We have no choice!" shouted Half-Santa. "JUST RELEASE IT!"
***
Crotanks blew the gate open with one of PC's LAMs. The elves ran towards them, their guns drawn. Santa and Droppo stood back and laughed, while everyone else slaughtered the enemy elves. Finally, when the enemy was down, they ran into the fortress.
Santa stayed close to them, but Droppo, being the idiot he was, stayed hopping around in the back. Three elves then walked up on him and surrounded him.
***
"Okay," said Galloway, "we've got the area mapped out. All we have to do is-" Suddenly, a giant trapdoor opened under them, and they all fell through...except for Galloway, Maria and Weiila, who decided to fly the whole way.
The group fell into a giant arena. "Welcome to your doom!" said Half-Santa over an intercom. Then a giant pair of doors began to open. Everyone was sickened and horrified by what they saw.
A 50-foot-tall demon lumbered out of the doors. It had bull horns, yellowed rotting skin, and giant claws on its hands and toes. However, the most interesting part was the other half of its body; it was completely mechanized, with various tubes and lights sticking out of its body. It also had a rocket launcher for an arm.
"Whatever!" said Val. "I can kick this thing's ass no matter what!" She then threw Gungnir at the demon, only to watch it stick into the creature's skin harmlessly. The creature roared, then shot a rocket at Val. She rolled away, but a SECOND rocket hit her head-on. She flew into the wall, nearly dead.
(After nearly everyone is nearly killed following a short battle)
Galloway, Maria and Weiila finally flew down. Weiila and Maria quickly began to heal everyone, while Galloway transformed into a Super Saiyan.
"Damn, a Cyberdemon!" he shouted. "Half-Santa knows how to pick his minions!" The Cyberdemon fired a rocket, but Galloway grabbed the rocket in mid-air, turned it around, and threw it back at the Cyberdemon. It didn't do any damage, though.
Galloway then fired a bunch of energy beams at the Cyberdemon, but the blasts didn't affect the monster at all. He then fired a bunch of rockets, but Galloway dodged them. This continued for about five minutes.
"Okay," said Galloway, "let's end this." He then flew back up towards the ceiling and moved his arms back. "KA ME..."
The Cyberdemon raised his rocket launcher and aimed.
"HA ME..."
The demon fired a rocket before Galloway could finish charging. The rocket hit him head-on, knocking him out of Super Saiyan and to the ground.
"That does it!" shouted Maria, after nearly healing half of the wounds inflicted on Wil's crotch. "You're going down, asshole!" She then flew at the Cyberdemon and blasted at the monster's robotic area. The monster began to scream in pain. His flesh-half then exploded in a fountain of blood and gore, while the cybernetic parts fell to the ground, soaked in demon guts.
***
PC took out his binocs and looked around the courtyard. It was completely unguarded, save for a security camera that was always looking at the only door. When he zoomed in on the door, he made out a sign that read, "Employees must wash hands before returning to secret lair."
"Okay," he said, putting the binocs down, "that's the only place we haven't checked out yet. We can't wait for the others right now. Anyone have any ideas on how to take out the camera?"
"Well, we could always SHOOT it..." said Kerr.
"Are you stupid?" asked PC, slapping Kerr on the back of the head. "Whoever's monitering the thing might still be there! We need a better plan!"
"Actually," said Pierson, reaching into a large bag, "I have something that might help." He pulled out a small panel with straps at the bottom. He then snuck his way across the courtyard until he was under the camera. He then strapped the device to the camera. The others snuck up next to him.
"It's a camera disabler," said Pierson. "It makes it look like nothing's there. Now, let's just slip through." They then snuck through the door.
The next area was a large prison area. The cells were filled with elves, all hope wiped out of their eyes. They didn't even bother looking at the three as they walked through the area. Once again, there were no guards. Then they saw something interesting: Droppo was sitting on a bench in the back.
"PC! PIERSON! KERR!" he shouted. "DON'T GET ANY CLOSER!" A fly then flew by. When it got within ten feet of Droppo, it was instantly disintegrated.
"It's a nuclear curtain," said Droppo. "The controls are in the other room. You have to shut it off there!" They ran to a nearby room and found a wierd-looking machine with two lightbulbs: one red, one green. The red one was lit. When they pressed a few buttons, the red one went out and the green one became lit. Droppo then hoped his way in.
"I know where we need to go!" he said. "It's just on the other side of this room!" He pressed a hidden switch, and a wall slid open, revealing a secret staircase.
***
After everyone was healed, they began looking for a way out. Unfortunately, their way in had been blown apart, and the walls were completely solid. Then Hane had an idea.
"Why don't we go through that door?" she asked, pointing to the door the Cyberdemon had gone through. "That might led to somewhere." They walked towards the dark room. Wil casted a light spell, which revealed the hidden staircase leading up into the darkness. With no other choice, they went up the stairs.
They found themselves in some kind of giant control room. PC, Pierson, Kerr, and Droppo suddenly walked down a nearby flight of stairs. Then the doors blew open, and an army of elves walked into the room, armed with rocket launchers.
"Freeze!" shouted one of the elves. "You cannot pass us!" Wil and Weiila both threw up a Shell spell while Galloway, Maria and Kerr used a Ki Barrier over everyone. The elves quickly fired off about eighty thousand rockets, all of which exploded when they made contact with the super-thick shield. The elves were soon splattered all over the place.
"Ewww," said Robyn. "It smells worse than my brother!"
"I figured as much," said Val, remembering how much her brother smelled. "Anyway, let's just get out of here."
Suddenly, a door on the side opened, revealing another stairway. "Come here," said Half-Santa via an intercom. "I will destroy you in person."
They followed the stairs, until they entered an auditorium-like chamber. A large yellow crystal sat in the middle, providing the only light in the area. Half-Santa and Stan emerged from the other side, with Half-Santa carrying a giant rail gun.
"Ho ho ho!" said Half-Santa. "This ends today! The naughty people of the world shall be punished! Master Stan, allow me to defeat my brother alone!"
"Just wait a sec-" began Wil. He then saw Santa pass by, approaching his brother.
"My evil twin half-brother," said Santa, "I do not wish to fight you, but I have no choice. Let's end this." Half-Santa aimed his gun, but Santa kicked it out of his hands and smacked Half-Santa with a few well-aimed karate chops. Half-Santa swung at him, but Santa blocked and kicked him through a doorway on the other side of the room. He then let out a Bruce Lee-like scream and ran after him.
"Is that Santa?" asked Weiila.
"Yeah, it's Santa," said Pierson, "and he's kicking ass!"
***
Santa and Half-Santa continued their fight into the next room. They were surrounded by various torture devices, all of them stained with elf blood. In the back was a giant crushing-thingy.
"What is this?" asked Santa.
"The elves you fought on the way were dark elves!" said Half-Santa. "I brought them in after your workers refused to do my bidding! Soon, you will join many of them...in death!" He then grabbed Santa's suit and threw him to the crushing-thingy. He then jumped on him and held his head to the device.
"Say good-bye, dear brother!" said Half-Santa.
"I would worry about yourself first!" shouted Santa. He then kneed Half-Santa in the crotch, sending him doubling over. He then ran to the other side and kicked Half-Santa in the head, knocking him into the device.
Half-Santa looked up. "I will kill you, brother!" He then realized where he was...as he saw the spiked ceiling crash down on him. Santa looked away from the carnage.
***
"That darn fool!" shouted Stan. "He done darn failed, like those damn other four!"
"Other four?" asked Galloway. "Then that means..."
"Yep," said Stan, "they all done made typos on their contracts. I done be the Dark Master!"
"You're the leader of the Dark Five?" asked Prince of Space.
"Yep!" shouted Stan. "In fact, I was also the caretaker of that done hotel! It was all done planned from the beginning!"
"...this just made a lot less sense," said Robyn.
"Forget it!" shouted Val. "Let's just do this!"
Stan jumped back and threw about eighty potatoes on the ground. "Arise, my Super-Spuds!" he shouted. "Get your asses back up, ya lousy sons of deer crap!"
The potatoes began to shake. Then they grew to human size, sprouted arms and legs, and drew big-ass swords from out of nowhere. Then they charged at the heroes.
"Okay," said Mabat, "this'll be easy." He casted Level 5 Doom, but it didn't work. He then used 1000 needles, but it didn't damage the potatoes. Next came that one spell that spreads fire everywhere, and finally, the potatoes fell to the ground, baked beyond belief.
"DARN IT!" shouted Stan. "I DONE HAVE NO CHOICE!" He pressed a bunch of buttons, and the crystal began to glow even brighter.
"THIS DONE CRYSTAL WILL KILL YOU!" he shouted. "IT'LL DONE SHOOT LASERS AT YER LITTLE HEADS, YOU BIG DUMB MORONS!"
"Any ideas?" asked Galloway.
"We could try attacking it," said PC.
"We could always throw a couple thousand spells at it," said Wil.
"We could always just try negotiating with the dumb southern hick," said Maria.
"We could always just find a weakness," said Weiila.
"We could always just see if it gives a skill," said Mabat.
"We could just smash it with a hammer," said Shalcar.
"I have an idea!" said Droppo. He pressed a few buttons on his belt and shouted, "Torg! Come out of the spaceship! Torg! Come out of the spaceship!"
About three minutes later, Stan laughed. "YOU DONE HAVE THIRTY SECONDS! YOU DONE BE DOOMED!"
Suddenly, a large robot made out of what appeared to be a cardboard box and coffee can smashed into the room. "Torg!" shouted Droppo. "Destroy the crystal!"
Torg walked slowly to the crystal, then punched it. His fist went right through the crystal, sending shards all over. The light died out, and everything went dark. Then Wil used a light spell, which allowed them to see that Stan had dissapeared.
***
"Stan got away, it seems," said Galloway. "But no matter. I doubt he'll be getting any more followers."
"As long as people use typing programs that don't have spell check," said Crotanks, "Stan will gain followers."
"The price of victory was bloody," said Santa, "but we did it. Fortunately, the toys were prepared ahead of schedule this year, so I only have to use the backup sleigh to get the toys all over the world."
"I'd better get back to Mars," said Droppo. "Mars' Christmas is coming up, and I can't let the little martian children down!"
"We'll just head on back," said Galloway. "Let's go." They then left the workshop and returned to the two remaining spaceships. As they blasted off, they saw the freed elves, Santa, and Droppo waving good-bye to them from below.
***
Poke, Fou-Lu, Videospirit, and Chris surrounded the hotel, along with about seventy or eighty cops. The two spaceships landed, and the cops moved in on them immediately. However, they were soon beaten within an inch of their lives.
(After a well-meaning discussion that allowed everything to be settled peacefully...)
"Okay, we finally believe you," said Poke.
"Come on, men," said Videospirit. "Let's go home. It's Christmas Eve, after all." The four then stepped into their cars and drove off.
***
"Okay," said Wil, after pressing a few buttons in the big multi-portaled antichamber, "that should send Robyn back."
"She should land outside the temple just after it collapses," said Galloway. "That way, it'll seem like only a few minutes have passed, thus preserving time and space."
"Uh, Robyn?" asked Val. "Do you...still like PC?"
"Nah," said Robyn. "I got over him an hour ago. Well, so long!" She then stepped through the glowing portal.
***
Robyn landed with a thud in front of the destroyed temple. Her mother grabbed her in a bone-crushing bear hug before she could even move.
"Yep," she thought, "home sweet home."
***
"So long, Maria," said Galloway.
"See ya, sonny-jim," said Weiila.
"MOM!" shouted Kerr. "PLEASE, DON'T CALL ME THAT! I HATE IT!" He then grabbed Maria and jumped through the portal, which promptly closed behind them.
"Well," said Val, "that ties up almost everything..."
"Yeah," said Mabat. "Now, how about the fact that we're still kids?"
"We never really figured out how to fix that," said Weiila. "We could just ask Santa when he comes back, but..."
Suddenly, Santa magically appeared in the room. "Ho ho ho! It seems I should fix the rest of the damage my brother caused!" He snapped his fingers and touched the side of his nose, and everyone that was turned into a kid was surrounded by smoke and stuff. When it cleared, they were normal again. Santa laughed again, then teleported away.
***
The next morning came quickly. In fact, the sun rose only thirty minutes after they got back. Wally quickly packed up his things and left quietly, his work done. Val and PC both signed a five-minute truce, until after presents were handed out.
"Okay," said Galloway, "I got you what you want...except for one of you for reasons I will soon explain. Val, you got the world's hardest 3000-piece jigsaw puzzle." He threw her a present, which she caught easily.
"Weiila, you got the entire Slayers series." He then threw Weiila a present.
"Pierson, you never told me what you wanted, so I got you an old half-empty roll of mints." He threw Pierson a small present.
"OmegaFlareX, you got a PS2 copy of Soul Calibur II." He threw OmegaFlare X a present.
"Heaven's Soldier, you got a set of pristine Japanese swords." He threw Heaven's Soldier a LARGE present.
"PC Glenton, Wilfredo Martinez, you both got about seven million dollars in cash." He threw a large black briefcase at each of them.
"Mabatsekker, you got a catgirl plushie for whatever immoral things you want to do with it." He threw a catgirl plushie at Mabatsekker.
"Crotanks, you got a MGS3 demo." He threw Crotanks a small present.
"Hane, you got a scanner that can be plugged into your Mac." He threw Hane a present.
"Shalcar, you got a bunch of random Anime DVDs." He threw a present at Shalcar.
"And Star..." began Galloway. Star's eyes opened wide, until Galloway sighed. "Weiila found out about what you wanted. She threatened to castrate me if I got it for you. So, she reccomended another gift..." Galloway threw Star a pair of dress slacks. Star looked dejected at the gift, then began to plot how to kill Galloway.
***
Videospirit, Pokefreak, Fou-Lu, Chris, and demigod sat in the station, opening each other's gifts. "Man, this is dull," said Poke. "I hope he gets here soon..."
Manus Dai and BahamutXero then entered the room, beers in hand. They got drunk, passed out, and let about seventy or eighty murders take place.
***
"Well, that's it," said Galloway, looking out the window. "What a Christmas it's been."
"Let's just pray it never happens again," said Weiila.
"Yeah," said Galloway. "Well, only one more thing to do." He stepped out to the front porch and shouted:
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"
He then stepped back inside, and was killed by Weiila for doing something so stereotypical.
THE END