The Final Fantasy Breakroom: Character bios by d_Galloway

Yep, it's time for some FF break room bios! YAY!!!


Black Mage
Origins: FF1

Black Mage is one of those guys that'll incinerate your kitty while it's stuck in the tree, then blast you to kingdom come. Although rather short when compared to other characters, he often acts like he's king of the break room; this attitude often spells disaster, however, as a lot of others are stronger than him...

Origins: FF9

Vivi is an enigma: he's a black mage, and yet is unbelievably cute. As a beginner in the arts of Black Magic, he is training under Black Mage, who (ab)uses the kid for various reasons. Although small, Vivi packs quite a punch, and in accordance to the laws of Anime, is much stronger than his master. He's rather sit and watch Dragonball Z instead of fighting, however.

Origins: FF8

Squall's act as a loner was penetrated in his younger years; although he still hangs out by himself, he now associates more with others. Although highly skilled with the use of the Gunblade, he's trapped forever with the crappy tech known to the world as Draw. This weakness often keeps him from being as powerful as others, but that doesn't disturb him the least.

Origins: FF6

A world-renowned treasure hunter, Locke is always looking for a quick buck that requires little work. He is always theiving around, looking for anything that could make him (and Celes, if she sticks around long enough) rich beyond his wildiest dreams. However, his schemes always blow up in his face (the Fountain of Youth was only the worst).

Origins: FF6

Celes is Locke's overbearing girlfriend. She knows how he ticks, and is manipulative enough to use his weaknesses to get her own way. Their relationship is what is known as "a rocky one", and no psycologist can cure their problems. Besides, Celes enjoys wearing the pants in the duo.

Origins: FF4

Rydia was, from the moment she was born, a bitch. When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother. Rydia wants to be the center of attention, and will go to any lengths to gain it; however, these often blow back into her face. She hates Celes with a passion, mostly due to a small incident involving the phrase "What do you want to do?" All-in-all, Rydia's a bitch.

Origins: FF8

Hyperactive and food-obsessed, Zell is one crazy foo'! His love for hot dogs knows no boundries; he will do anything for the food that's made from leftover animal parts. His strength is incredible, but his hunger outweighs it heavily. He is also in desperate need of a brain, but the little girl, the dog, the tinman, and the lion kept driving him nuts, so he's happy the way he is.

Origins: The real Galloway's light side

Galloway hosts the show with a passion; that is, if standing in front of a camera for five minutes a day is considered passion. Hooters, the highest-rated show on the network, keeps shoving him into higher and higher offices, and to make matters worse, the building has no elevator. One must wonder why he doesn't just fly up there, but let's leave that to the philosophers.

White Mage
Origins: FF1

For the most part, White Mage is a gentle, loving soul, full of compassion and various other good things. However, when she gets pissed off, everyone within a five-mile radius should run for their lives. Her hammers are especially effective in slamming people for miles, and she won't hesitate to use them if neccessary.

Origins: FF7

Aeris wasn't too happy about being killed, and to make things worse, Square didn't bother to revive her in-game. She holds a grudge against them as a result, but her nature keeps her from burning out their eyes and feeding them to the dogs. She has some rather...unique magic.

Origins: Too many to list

Ack! Too many Cids! There're Cids everywhere! *runs away*

Origins: The original Black Mage village

Well...the real Mox doesn't appear much; at first, it's only Magus in black armor. The real one shows up to ask directions, but that's too brief to describe.

Origins: Crono Trigger

Magus is being tortured by Weiila and her writing. He wants to escape, but can't find a clear-cut way. His attempts at being Mox backfire, and his attempts at kidnapping end up with him being Bill Gates's prisoner. He hasn't hatched any recent plots yet.

Origins: South Park

Kenny, once a central character on South Park, found himself without a job when things changed around. Galloway eventually took him in, but uses him mostly as a human shield. Kenny's always the first to die, and whenever he does, anyone nearby has to scream, "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

Origins: Galloway's brother

Gemini works as the camera man for the show. Besides that, he doesn't do much.

Origins: Mora, Sweden

Weiila loves writing; a little too much sometimes, as Magus has pointed out. She has been kidnapped twice, but Galloway and the FF characters have always saved her. She was then turned into a kid by Mox, but that didn't stop her from hosting an episode. Unfortunately, Gemini's insulting humor ruined the experience. Who knows when she'll guest star again?

Origins: FF10

Auron's very presence penetrates the insanity; he is the closest thing the break room has to a voice of reason. His big swords cut through armor with ease; unfortunately, they're too big to wield most of the time, as a battle with the Mox-disguised Magus pointed out.

Mr. T
Origins: 1980's pop-culture

Mr. T has been without any real work for nearly a decade; all his time has been spent using his immortality and superhuman strength in the epic battle against the youth-center hating evil! That, and kicking Barret's ass for looking like him.

Origins: FF7

A rather stupid individual, whose mind is easily manipulated due to the experimentation involved in joining Soldier. After saving the Earth from Meteor, he joined MOG-CHOCO, but has tried desperately to leave that life behind. It's not always successful, however...

Origins: Clock Tower (JAP)

The son of Simon and Mary Barrows, Bobby is a mindless killing machine with a giant pair of scissors. He loves to use them to take apart his enemies; however, they are both slow and heavy, so things don't always work out for him.

Origins: A distant land

Daemon hatched a plot involving water from the Fountain of Youth; unfortunately, Locke ran off with his supply. He tried to take it back, but escaped before Bahamut could make him a meal (the dragon instead swallowed the bottle of Youth Water that were directly behind Daemon).

Origins: Crono Cross

CC's own silent protagonist. He only appeared briefly, and due to my hatred of CC, I'm leaving it at that.

Origins: FF7

The ultra-cool villain from FF7 tried to rule the break room with an iron fist. Unfortunately, he lost all his respect when Edward killed him. He's been hiding ever since.

Origins: FF4

Edward's the weakest person in the break room. He always hides instead of standing his ground, and emerges only when it is safe to do so. He's learned to go for years without food or water in his attempts to hide.