PPC 8: Sues and Sniper Rifles

I have good reason to hate this fic. A fantastic online friend of mine who goes by the nick of Rin (she's in the archives at RPGC) wrote a fic called 'Unintentional', a perfect example of how to write a non-Sue OC/Canon character relationship. This story is it's bastard twin, that should have been strangled at conception. Burn it.



Auron cursed. The Bevellians closed in around Yuna and her guardians, clearly proving that there was no way they could escape. Tidus held on to yuna tighter, Rikku prepared to fight, while Wakka & lulu & Kimahri knew that they couldn't wriggle out of this one. Maester Seymour pushed through the large mob of Bevellian soldiers to address Yuna.
" Lady Yuna." he greeted her. In response he received a mutual glare of hatred throughout Yuna and company. " Come now," he said. " If you surrender now, we'll spare your lives. Not that I care whether you join us, alive or dead, but our high priestess wont show you the same mercy."

~*~*~

The two assassins were already in place on the snowbank near the stairs, overlooking the temple.

"Why are we watching this?" Kirsten asked tiredly. She glanced over at Tyler, who- "AHHHH!"

"Just a few...more...inches..." Tyler whispered, taking careful aim with the sniper rifle. "Gotc- OW!" The rifle was slapped from his hands. "What was that for!?"

"Where did you get this?" Kirsten demanded angrily.

Tyler looked guilty. "Nowhere."

"TYLER!"

Tyler told her.

She glared. "I am going to kill that guy..." They turned her attention back to the ill-fated group of canon-folk, and sighed. At least this one wasn't as long as the last one they had been assigned. She felt a dull ache appear in her teeth. "Watch it," she said quietly.

~*~*~

high priestess? Who?" Auron demanded.
Seymour smirked.

~*~*~

"Watch what?" asked Tyler.

~*~*~

" I think you know the woman- name's Lanaya."
Auron's usually calm face tightened into a look of shock.

~*~*~

"That" Kirsten said in satisfaction, as the flashback swept over all of them.

~*~*~

The two landed in a black space, which didn't surprise them anymore. FF Continuua authors seemed to balk at description more than others.

"Although the floating is nice," Tyler said happily, trying to swim away and gra hhis rifle. Kirsten grabbed him.

"Shaddup. Look." She pointed a little way into the darkness, where for safety' sake the universe had created a featureless circle of grey, which the young figures of Braska, Auron and Jecht were standing on.

~Flashback~

"As if we couldn't tell..."

Auron and braska and Jecht were some of the most legendary summoners and guardians ever to walk the earth. Few people ever knew about the woman who accompanied them, and helped restore the Calm.

"Well, at least this one wants to respect canon somewhat," Tyler muttered as the narrative rolled on.

"Nah. She just wants to set up an angsty death scene for the end of the fic. Bet."

"You're on. Not that we'll ever see it."

After Braska and Auron had joined Jecht,

"As I recall, he joined them." Kirsten had grown to love the FFX world like a son (if you extended the meaning of son to include thousands of square miles, a whole population, and a whole magic system), and had grown to hate those who knew, not enough to be good, but just bad enough to maul it.

they had traveled a long way. Starting at Besaid, they slowly journeyed through Kilika, macalania, Djose, and others.

"Were there any others?"

KIrsten shrugged. "Yes. Cop out. It's called GameFaqs."

When they reached Bevelle however, several summoners and their guardians were reported missing or kidnapped. braska was getting nervous, and Auron and Jecht had to face several worried Al Bhed. Braska became tight faced and edgy, and was requesting they look for more guardians. Though Auron was annoyed with Braska's lack of faith, he honored Braska;s request. But most soldiers young/ wise enough to be a guardian were proved unworthy in swordplay by Auron.

"Did they just use a slash in a story?" Tyler asked.

"Shut up, you grammar whore."

"Of course, he is Auron, destroyer of systems, and ruler of... Hey! Don't strike me out like this! Kirsten!"

"Quiet!"

" Lord Braska, nearly every person in Bevelle in good health has no talent," Auron said wearily. " Can we not just continue your pilgramage with the three of us."
"No, because that would be normality, and we can't have any of that!"
" Yeah, Braska. Let's get going! Its not like Auron and I are the worst-

"God, will she never close off speech!?" Kirsten asked, as Auron, not being told to stop, started narrating.

As fate may have it, the perfect soldier interrupted them.

"What? They know this? Does she have a badge?"

"Like a dunce cap! Only with a big 'PW' on it!"

" -Excuse me, my lord," a young woman asked. Her icy blue eyes swept over the group of men, stopping at Braska. She was almost as tall as Auron, and had shoulder length black hair. A few scars were visible on her arms, and looked suprisingly tough and strong.

"Surprisingly?" Kirsten said through gritted teeth, and began to stand. Tyler grabbed her shoulder and forced her down.

" i hear you are looking for another guardian".

"You have very good hearing, O Sue of mine."

So it began. After Auron had lost several duels against her, she became one of the guardians.

"Began? Began what? A little explanation wouldn't kill you!"

" Who are you? I have never seen such skills!" Braska asked enthusiastically.
" I am Lanaya."

"Enter the Sue- OW!" Tyler shouted, as the flashback ended, and they were ripped wholesale back into present time.

~*~*~

End of flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~*****
************~~~~~~~

"Ack! Overuse of symbols!"

But sin had sealed lanaya's fate. How-

"She's a sue. You'd think they'd retain some memory of them after we kill them."

"Canons are good like that."

Auron had no more time to debate this, however, because a robed woman with cold blue eyes approached them all.

"No! Debate it now! We need a quorum!"

Cold blue eyes that had haunted Auron's dreams for years ...........

"Yes, because we- hey!"

The chapter ended with a shift into slow motion, and Kirsten found the rifle plucked from her hands, and then Tyler was walking down the thin walkway towards the Sue, who had turned with her 'cold blue eyes' at stare at him.

"Yes?" the forsaken one asked smugly. Everything was going to her plan-

"I are the PPC. Yoo are the Sue. Yoo seek the OC rerationshrip. I car take yoo to one. But first, I must aporogize."

Lanaya frowned. "For what?"

"For this."

In one motion Tyler whirled the sniper rifle around like a baton from his waist to head-level, brung the sights to bear on Lanaya, and fired from extreme close range.

It was messy. Yuna looked horrified for a second, and then normal canon resumed, and she blinked, and turned back to the Guado as the continuua timeline resotred itself, Tyler being, as usual, edited out from the summoner's memory. Although he could have sworn that Auron nodded slightly.

"A job well done is a Sue well... er... exploded!" Tyler said dramatically, and safed the rifle as he walked back towards his partner.

"I swear I'm never giving you firearms again," Kirsten muttered, opening the portal back home. She was not bringing back the remains.

~*~*~

"This is the sixth time. You need to read them their rights before you retire them!" the Sunflower Official said, gesturing (well, wobbling) angrily.

"Why? We slaughter them anyway."

"Because I say so! It helps keep track of the paperwork."

"But it's hard to read them their rights when they have no head. Unless you wanted us to do a sort of sock-puppet thing-" Tyler mused.

"NO! Depart from this office lest I smite thee with hurting!"

The two walked out. "Well, I think that went well," Tyler said after a pause.

"Shut up. Just... Grah."

"What? We're still friends, ri- Why are you looking at me like tha- What are you doing with the rifle! KIRS- NOOOO! THAT DOESN'T GO THERE! AAAAAAAAARHG!"

~*~*~

The scene; a room. Blue and light blue paint on the walls and in the middle a lone person sitting at a desk with a PC perched on top, typing away slowly, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. he sits, never resting, never eati-

Kirsten hit Pierson with the rifle.

"OW! What was that for?" the fanauthor asked.

"Next time you ever give weaponry it Tyler it's your ass!" And she was gone. "And don't write your own descriptions!"


Endz0r