Tenchimaru little Half-Dragon and Big Bad Lunaris
by Mabatsekker

...But one fateful day...

There was a silverhaired man in a yellow coat named Lunaris walking by the streets of the town of the castle RPGClassics with a wide range of weaponry bulging from his pockets every now and then, and by accident, his dual plasma rifles mark 37½ dropped down to the street in front of an Electronics Shack. "Damn youse heavy piece of highly illegal weaponries! Once of theses days I'll be throwing the ducks with youse!", he spat, but his attention was quickly catched by a TV set.

There was a TV programme going on about the finest restaurants in the town. In it was a police officer wearing a somewhat familiar-looking purple helmet and shades, followed by his two lackeys, other holding a paper menacingly and the other one was masked and his shirt bore an 'O'. The interviewer was a greenhaired man with a purple cloak, apparently wearing a met hat, reported the following:

"..The sales of the new fabled 'Dragon Steak' has soared up in the list of delicacies in the town of RPGClassics, and the popularity seems to grow by every moment this new fangled product is in sale. We have a public official, Officer Ninthayfor to tell us more of the details... Mr Ninthayfor, if you'd please?"

The helmeted man glanced around him, and then found him in the middle of a live broadcast. He steeled himself and then begun:

"Yes, interviewer Merlin Conspiranter, people of planet Earth, My name is MM984, Replier of Repliers: Look on my Pits, ye Chatters and despair! Errr..... the popularity of this product has taken us all by surprise, and the quality control is sure to keep its hand steadily taking care of this, so you people will have no problem getting it from pretty much any restaurant in the near vicinity. We will present a report later today, as we get a closer look at this phenomenom.."

Lunaris was reminded of his youth: His father would return with the carcass of a red dragon, which his mother would prepare most carefully into the main dish during the festivities of the town of RPGClassics. He notices his stomach growled even from that little flashback, and noticed himself craving for Dragon Steak more and more as he made a run towards the restaurant where the interview took place.

Lunaris stepped inside, helped himself to a table, set a Mentat-advertising napkin to his shirt collar and started baning his knife and fork to the table. The waither hurried to his table and asked in an annoyed fashion: "Sir, this is a fine restaurant, we would wish you would spend a bit more on the manne..", but his speech was disturbed by a 10000 Aurum chip slipped to his ordering notebook. The waiters eyes raised open, and now, with a much more polite tone of voice, asked "And what might our gracious guest wish?" in a voice SO admiring that even butter would melt. Lunaris leaned to his table, raised his hand towards the waiter with his fingers outstretched, pinky and thumb excluded and exclaimed: "Triple portion Dragon steaks, as much as you have, with salad of the house and Nukacola!" the waiter didn't even bother to scribble down the order as he shouted the order to the kitchen. The chefs prepared the meal in a speeds most unimaginable, and soon Lunaris was munching the steak, and didn't even bother to swallow as he placed another order: "More! Give me alls you gots!", and without delay, the chefs were preparing multiple Steaks for the silverhaired glutton.

After 5 hours of gobbling the dish to his throat and five bottles of Nukacola, he desired more, but the waiter informed him of a shortage of ingredients. Lunaris's eyes flared and he threatened to blow the place apart if he didn't get more. The waiter backed up a few steps and called the manager. The manager hurried to Lunaris's table, where the man was already shaking for some more Dragon Steak. "We're sorry, but please do understand we have a shortage of ingredients. You've eaten us out of all we've got regarding the Dragon steak!" For the luck of the manager, Officer 984 had just finished his report, and was heading towards Lunaris's table. The policeman glanced at Lunaris as the waiter whispered to his ear about the foodmunching exploits of the silverhair.

"What have you've done!? Those were innocent dragons that were slaughtered for that Dragon Steak! Soon they'll be breeding Drakes like cattle! You've got to warn everyone and tell them! Dragon Steak is made of Dragons! You've got to tell the innocent drakes before it is too late! Dragon Steak is Dragons!", the helmeted officer bellowed, but it was too late. The silverhairs eyes flared up into a shade of red, and his smile turned into an evil, EVIL grin. He pulled out his dual plasmapistols and blasted the man down, apparently hurt, but not dead. Lunaris ran out of the restaurant, screaming "Dragonseh!!! I wants dragonisesseh!!", as his guns blazed towards the skies. The waiter just stared at the man running, and then proceeded to count the cost of the steaks (leaving him with a nice 3000 aurum tip)

Merlin (wearing his methat) ran to the helmeted officer, and asked what was wrong. 984 answered: "To put it quite bluntly, another case of Dragon Steak madness, and I sure hope it won't be as severe as the last case.." Merlin took his helmet off and scratched his head, while commenting the matter: "I swear, this whole dragon-eating this must be a frickin' conspira.." He couldn't even finish the last sentence as a piano plummeted on him from nowhere. 984 didn't even flinch, but instead leaned on the piano, and muttered under his breath: "You're a hell of a piece of furniture.." He could hear Merlin swearing under his breath under the piano, and 984 chuckled at the thought..

Tenchimaru was happily watching his anime in a small TV in his den, as an emergency TV broadcast cut his happy moments with Tenchi ripped by Ayeka and Ryoko. "What gives?", asked the purplehaired young man from the TV. The announcer was Merlin, with 984 next to him, and they, quite apparently, were arguing over something, and they didn't notice the cameras on: Merlin: "How did we come to this?" 984: "C'mon, we're doing fine!" Merlin: "We're doing LOUSY! I bet you were conspiring with someone else on this whole matter!" *A piano fell on Merlin again, but it *BOING*ed to his left side, thanks to his trusty helmet*

984: "You know what I think, Conspirator? I think it's really busted this time! HEY! What do you think you're doing!? Is this live?? Uhh! Ahem!", he coughed, and signed the cameraman to shoot Merlin instead. Merlin literally screamed to the camera: "PEOPLE! I BEG THEE! Lock your doors, hide your sons and daughters! Lunaris has gone nuts! He is after dragons meat, and I only hope we can stop him before he decides to blow up the entire town of RPGClassics!" As soon as he heard the word 'dragonmeat', Tenchimaru feared for his own, and his mother's safety. Before he could reach downstairs where his father was knitting a sock by the fireplace, he heard a loud shout outside his house: "DRAGONSESS!! I WILL DEVORS DRAGONSESS!!", obviously shouted by Lunaris. Tenchimaru watched out of the window, and noticed him sniffing the air, like he was an animal after his prey...

Lunaris's Head tilted towards Tenchimaru's wooden house, and he ducked into cover before the madman reacted to his presence. "FREASH MEET!!", Tenchimaru heard, and then heard from the door:

"Opens this doors, lest I heaves clips to my plasma cannons mark 37 halves up and leave the house but a smokeing remains!", Lunaris shouted from outside. Tenchimaru peered from the window and looked at the red eyed fiend of a man. Tenchimaru laughed at the man and then shouted to him how a bunch of toy pistols couldn't egven scratch the door. He kept laughing until he heard a large BOOM along with crazy laughter. He then noticed how he was inside the remains of his house.. reduced to a smoking ruin. The door, homever, stayed up. Lunaris coughed at the smoke, and proceeded kicking the door down. "HERE I IS, PREPARE TO BECOMES MY SUPPAH!!!", he proclaimed, but noticed a Tenchimaru-shaped hole in the smoke, and the man himself running away in the horizon. "COMES BACK HERE AND I'LL SKIN THEE, DRAGON!!", he bellowed at Tenchimaru.

Tenchimaru ran as fast as his legs could take. Good thing his friend Zero, the Red Clad Reploid, lived near, and he could probably safeguard Tenchi in his keep while Lunaris was on the rampage. He jumped to the porch gate and then proceeded to pushing the doorbell as fast as he could, resulting in a cacophony of "WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM, please scrub your feet on the carpet, MORTAL!". Tenchimaru was hopping back and forth on his toes, ating for someone to answer the door. As the door opened, Zero was knocked down by TD running inside as he started screaming at him: "Help me, Petunia man, I'm being chased by a.." *SMACK* Everything was black. TD regained his senses, and noted Zero cracking his fists, mutttering something on the lines of "@#%&¤ Petunia man smackaroo...", and then he turned around "So Tenchi, what in blazes is going on? Lunaris is on a rampage, I missed my rerun of a movie that is not the Reign of fire, and now you're here calling me names. Start explaining!" Tenchimaru got up, usted himself off and then proceeded explaining the deal about Lunaris trying to eat him to Zero. Zero's eyes widened up, and then he assured TD that nothing can break the walls of his fort. Before he could finish, he heard three loud bangs from the door, along with a familiar speech:

"Opens this doors, lest I releases the rounds of my plasma cannon mark 37 halves up and leaves the keepa but a shadow of its former selves!", Lunaris shouted from outside. Zero smiled, and signaled TD that it'd be alright. "No Lunaris, you're out of your mind. Now calm down and.." Zero could hear the guns trigger, as a ball of bright light exploded right above him, causing the ceiling of the keep to collapse, and leaving the proud home of Zero into a smoking heap of rocks. "My.. house..." Zero kneeled before the destruction, but Tenchi was already on the run again. "Doesn't he ever give up??", he thought to himself as Lunaris kicked the dirt off in pursuit after Tenchimaru. He bellowed like Godzilla and continued his raging pursuit.

After a few monutes of running, he came across Flint, who was minding his business as usual as he raked off some leaves from his garden. "Why hello Tenchi, what's the rush on this beautiful day?", he queried, but he was replied by a hurried "NOTIMEBUSYRUNNINGAWAYFROMDEATHINCARNATETHXBYEBYE", which he was quite flummoxed of. As the dust raised by Tenchi died down, Lunaris came to the very same spot, eyes burning brightly red. Flinty asked Lunaris the same thing as Tenchi, but his nose was met by a smoking barrel: "WHERES ZE DORAGON??" Flint kept his cool and pointed towards the flame that Tenchi had left behind his running. "THANK YOUSES!", Lunaris said as he continued his raging pursuit. Tenchimaru thought his mind up on who to sneak to next: Macc? Nah, his lair had an equally insane atmosphere, what with Vegeta killing people on instinct. Spoonybard? Nope, gone on hiatus. Mabatsekker? He lives too far away, dammit!

He kept pondering, until he literally crashed to Faetan's front door.(the door wasn't locked, besides, there was a big WELCOME carpet on the porch) "No time wondering how I got here!", he said to himself as he stepped inside, smelling... ("FATE WORSE THAN DEATH"), he thought to himself. Faetan stepped out of the kitchen in her "Kiss the cook and you DIE!"-apron, and greeted him in her usual friendly manner: "Why hello there, Tenchimaru! I just finished a batch of cookies for the evening, and I need a sampler" Tenchimaru was about to answer negatively, but a cookie was stuffed into his mouth, and Faetan asked with a threatening tone: "It's THAT good, isn't it?" Tenchimaru nodded and wiggled his arms around as the cookie threatened to choke him, and he accidentally ran his hand thru the cookies, throwing a few on the ground. A mouse ran from somewhere, took a bite, and also took it's last breath on the way. Tenchimaru finally swallowed the 'cookie of death' and then told Fae about Lunaris coming to kill him, but the 'killing' part slipped Fae's mind as she went to the kitchen "make more cookies for more guests",

Tenchimaru sat on a sofa in the livingroom, allowing him to catch his breath. He found himself falling asleep there, when Lunaris stepped on the front porch and exclaiming his threat. Faetan didn't hear with her blender being on, neither did Tenchi.

"Opens ye doorse up, lest I empites another salvonse on ye hamlet!", he threatened, and as no answer came, he raised his gun at the door. "Click, click click", went the gun. "NO EFFECTSE? I NEED A BIGGER CLIP!", went Lunaris furiously, as he fumbled thru his pockets searching for an extra clip. A spare lightningbolt bulb, some left-over napkins, a nukacola bottle-opener/garage door remote, but no plasma rifle clips. Lunaris cursed at his rotten luck and the expressed yet another threat: "THATSE IT", shouted Lunaris "I'MA GONNA COME DOWN ZE CHIMNEY AND EAT YOUSE ALIVE!!"

Lunaris climbed the roof swiftly and came down the livingroom chimney like old saint nick, and then atfer dusting himself off, his eyes emitted a glint as his eyes stumbled upon the snoozing Tenchimaru. He licked his lips and prodced a knife and a fork from his pocket. He snuck towards Tenchi, but then a cookie hit him in the forehead, knocking him down. "Lunaris! I am SO disappointed", said Faetan as she stepped out of the kitchen. "If you wanted to come in, you could've used the back door!", she said as she pointed towards the back door. Lunaris grinned at Faetan and then nodded in apology/understanding, and proceeded to locking it up and jamming the lock as Fae went back to her business. Lunaris smirked insanely as he proceeded for the kill, but he smelled something was wrong, and his eyes returned to normal from disgust.

Then, suddenly, he heard the words "CONSPIRACY!!" shouted in a unison from outside, and then Merlin's shout of agony and he plummeted from the roof into the livingroom of Faetan's house. Officer 984 hopped inside to restrain Lunaris, but he, apparently, didn't resist. "Who would wants to kill something likes that there", Lunaris said. "He'sa fricken' half-dragon breed, and he teastes, AND SMELLS simplys horibels! the smell I was after was the smell left on his clothes, and thoses are of a real dragonses! I could NEVAH eat something the likes of his kind!" Tenchimaru was wide awake from the roof breaking down, and relieved from Lunaris's words. Officer 984 helped the Piano off Merlin, and then shrugged: "I guess this case is solved now, right?" Merlin cleaned himself up, and then suspected the worst: Faetan was red with anger behind them, and Dragon god knows what she had in store for vandals breaking his house, but Lunaris came in and saved the day: "Theses cookies", he said with his most convincing voice, "Tastes superb", he went as he tried not to choke himself in the shrapnel. Faetan's mood instantly changed for the better, and she whistled as she went to get some more from the kitchen for the extra guests. The day was saved!

Epilogue: On the very same night...

On Merlin's pads rooftop, two men were sipping soft drinks from their cans, as they kept chattering:
Merlin: I swear, this whole dragon eating business is a dangerous path the humankind took...
Officer 984: I know, Merlin, you've told me a hundred times before. People were better, the world was better...
Merlin: Ah, people were always lousy. But there was a world, once.
Officer 984: [chuckles]
Merlin: I was there, I can prove it! When I was a kid, you could buy meat anywhere! Eggs they had, real butter! Not this... Soylent Green they're selling these days in the supermarkets! I swear there's a conspiracy be..

Poor 984 couldn't even push Merlin aside as the killer piano fell on him. 984 just shrugged: "Like I said earlier today... You're a hell of a piece of furniture.."

- The end.. of a NEW BEGINNING OF HORROR CALLED SOYLENT GREEN! Mwahahahaha....