Until the End
Important MUST READ:
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He looked at the letter in his hands... he simply could not believe it.
He felt powerless... unable to act in any way. A part of him told him to just send them all to hell and burn that letter... however a part of him knew better.
He laid there on a small room he rented in FH which felt cold and empty... just as him. The place was dark, only a small light bulb hung from the ceiling and still it wasn't enough to illuminate the small room. The room contained a small table, a couch and an apparent hole in the wall that Seifer used for who knows what. The couch had none of the original cover remaining, only numerous patches of different shades of black and different textures. The small couch he was where he spent most of his days thinking of the hell he was living in. This was his hell and no one else's.
Seifer mouthed the words "We need you" once again. Seifer couldn't remember the last time he was needed. He had pretty much spent all his life avoiding to be situations where someone depended on him. He didn't think it was something that reflected his personality. The world had learnt how to hate him after his actions. He learned to depend on no one, to do everything by himself. At least that's what he had thought until a few moments ago when he read those words...
"We need you".
A cold rush ran through Seifer's body as he read those words again...
Now reflecting on everything he had experienced during these past years. About the events during his "knighthood" he began to see...that he was wrong. He did depend on people. Not on a way of just getting through life, but more of the simple things that came with it. The support Raijin and Fujin had given him even through his mad phase, only "... because they believed in me". That support was one of the reasons he went on. However when they left him he was so confused and angry that he lost control of himself and let Ultimicea's power truly take over his mind. After all these events they came back to him. They had found him in a state of near death. They had taken care of him. He had been to hell and back and still his friends were there for him, he just didn't see it... he was too damn stupid to see that.
He looked around him, he had been in this shabby old room for almost one year, Raijin and Fujin were all he had and he had pushed them out of his life one day because he was mad. He had blamed them for how shitty his life had become. He blamed them for not ending his nightmare and killing off Squall when they had the chance. He blamed them for being weak and just left them out on the streets near Deiling City... and swore never to see them again. Now he was here on FH, the local madman that yells out profanities at nights to the heavens and about his hatred to everyone. Seifer, the man everybody feared. He felt good for that... it made him feel powerful even in his weakness.
The day when he arrived to FH he remembered a little girl ventured to his door and knocked... oh was he mad... he just looked at the child with such venomous eyes and yelled so harsh words she ran away crying dropping a "Welcome" cake that her family had baked to give it to the new neighbor. He remembered that now... he felt horrible, how could have he hurt her like that. She had no fault of his situation... then neither did Raijin or Fujin. Since then nobody dared to address him. He thought he liked it, being alone all nights with no one to talk to. He had thought himself that he had earned that and he was going to accept it. Thinking of this he began to cry, so many memories of hatred and despise, all the suffering he caused to everyone he knew and cared about. And still... they needed him.
He felt regret... deep regret.
Seifer took the letter in his hands and once again read it...
" Dear Seifer
Even though we understand times have been hard and the circumstances certainly not the best, we feel a void in each one of our lives. A space that each and every one of us knows was occupied by you. Don't believe we hate you and don't believe we pity you, for we know you wouldn't like that. Even Zell feels a part of him misses you, that everything you've been through wasn't fair, even for you. We hope that you would come back to garden, Fujin and Raijin have already returned... they made SeeD. Let the past be the past.
We forgive you, We miss you, We need you and forever we will remember you.
Sincerely: Rinoa, Fujin, Raijin, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Cid, Matron, and Squall "
He still couldn't believe it... everyone signed it. Even those he knew and knowingly hated and wished to kill.
Even Rinoa... the girl he almost willingly sacrificed to the Sorceress Adel not so long ago. The girl who he had once loved but to whom "I wasn't good enough... she preferred another. For some reason she needed me."
Fujin and Raijin, his loyal friends, the ones he left behind some time ago without any explanation still needed him. Those who stood by him all the way till his madness consumed him so they left him... They had went back to garden, he wasn't surprised. He didn't ever remember neither of them ever talking about good memories of their families, they still needed him.
Quistis... someone who he had silently admired from afar yet never dared to show it. He had spent all his time on Garden making her life as an instructor as difficult as he could, not because he hated her... just because he liked too. Even she needed him.
Selphie, one who he could not say remembered much about. Just the messenger girl. Her constant joy and happiness disgusted him, he felt that she could never want anything to do with someone like him. Still... she needed him, he'll be damned if he knew why.
Irvine. That damn cowboy who thinks he knows women and guns. Why the hell would he need him.
Zell, chicken wuss, a major pain in the ass in Seifer's belief. He didn't know why though, Zell had never done anything to him. He didn't feel delight in hurting his feelings, thought it was fun, harmless fun. But ZELL needed him.
Cid, the man who must have been brutally battered by all the situations his dear garden had undertaken. Matron... the one who he felt great hatred towards... "It was the love I held for that woman that made me succumb to Ultimicea in the first place", he had grown to hate her too. However now he remembers her as the sweet loving person she was, the loving mother she was too him when he had no family left.
In fact they all were the only family he had...
Even Squall, his so thought Nemesis, his so thought reason for tribulation, the man who "Should hate 'me' the most". Squall he saw like the ultimate obstacle in my way to happiness. He had blamed him the most for just about every bad thing that happened to him. Whenever he looked at the sky and saw a couple of birds heading out to the horizon with no care in the world... he believed he had no freedom and he blamed it on SQUALL. Even Squall of all people, needed him... though he couldn't begin to fathom why.
He had come to the point of a complete breakdown. He now laid on the floor crying his heart out, like a little boy who had just suffered the death a his mother, Seifer remembered the day he died, when all his thoughts were of no consequence with his actions, when he killed his own heart and felt no emotions but hate and when the simple act of breathing was just another painful everyday burden. He felt no more hate, no more pain...
Seifer cried for hours and saw how ignorant he had been.
"It was never their fault."
The feeling of regret and remorse once more than ever burned through his body.
"I did this to myself."
He had only one thing to do.
He stood up took his few belongings, the letter and left the place which he had called 'home' for more than a year. But now it was time to return to his true home, he did not know how the people at Balamb would react, he didn't care about that... He was a new man he had left his past behind... He still remembered cheerfully his days at Edea's Orphanage and how happy he was back then. He wanted to feel happy again. Who was he kidding, he had begun to see he needed his friends as much or even more than they needed him. He had for the first time since his childhood began to see life as it is. Beautiful and Short, and he should make the most of it.
He walked down the Horizon Bridge, it was the only way he could go back. He had no money... he had even sold his Hyperion to buy that place in FH. He had only one way... the long way. It didn't matter what it would cost him, he just wanted to go on.
He said to himself, "I will not return back..." It was not a place he was referring to. It was a belief, a state he had been on his life that he had no intention of returning to. Something he had surpassed. He would find his way. His mind once again begun to ponder his heart to feel. Fate was not going to play him another one of its tricks. He wished to change for the better. He would now follow his heart... the meaning of life was unfolding to him for the first time and that was something he owed to all of his friends. He was not going back as the same old Seifer, no this time everyone was going to see the best of Seifer, he was going to make up for all the pain he caused. He was going to follow his heart to the end.
He was going to be a new person, he swore it by his life, he was going to go through life and live until the end.
So he walked...
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Well here goes my *first* official fanfic. Don't blame me if its short. I attempted to do a long fanfic but when I was 7 chapters through my computer had a terrible breakdown and I lost everything... that was 2 years ago. So I decided a different approach, a short fanfic. It was the safest way to go, but I just may try and re-write my other one. I really liked it. Errr... that had nothing to do with this now did it?
I wrote this fanfic because I felt that Seifer's situation in the game was left to uncertain (just like almost everything on FF8). I mean after the things he went through I don't believe he would just simply go on with life and be happy. So I wrote this (^_^) ,hell it aint much but is what I feel about the situation. I know its not an ultra believable situation... but hey! Its fan fiction. So if you need to say anything just write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would really love some feedback. Even if its to tell me about what you think happened with Seifer and that my belief is all messed up... go ahead make my day.