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Part 3: The Defiled RPGC

Part 4: The Chibi-Dimension

Val, PC and GG looked around, while Kidd Swift ran off for no reason. The sound continued, attracting their attention even more. They looked behind the podium, but pulled back when a large spear flew by their heads. The polearm sailed into the distance, and finally vanished into the night.

"What the unholy fuck?" said PC.

"Shut up!" shouted a small voice. "I'll kill all of you!"

Finally, GG grabbed the podium and threw it aside. Where it used to be stood a small, blonde-haired girl. In fact, she looked like a small version of Val, only a lot more demonic. In her hands was the broken Matter-Transferance Device.

The little Val looked at the three, then grabbed yet another spear. "I don't know who you thing you are, but you're not telling anyone on me!" She lunged at Glenton, but the thief simply sidestepped, grabbed the back of her clothes, and lifted her into the air. She continued stabbing the spear around, but Glenton grabbed the weapon away from her.

"You're a naughty little girl," said Glenton. "Why don't you go home to your mommy?"

His taunting stopped when Val ran Gungnir through the side of his head. "Don't pick on mini-me again, you bastard!"

The little Val picked herself up, dusted herself off, and grabbed her spear. She was about to run a finishing blow through Glenton's ass when an angelic light poured onto everyone. "VALKYRIE ESKER!" shouted another high-pitched voice. "ARE YOU ATTACKING THE WEAK AND POWERLESS AGAIN?!"

Little Val looked down and rubbed her foot on the ground. "Yes, Weiila."

"What have we told you about that? Mr. Martinez wil have your head for it this time!"

A shaft of white light appeared from the sky. From within descended a little girl with angel wings. Her features, though, were most certainly Weiila's. She looked at Val angrily, then turned her attention to the three adults behind Val.

"Uh...hi," she said. "Sorry about Val's behavior. She's been crazy ever since Galloway dissapeared."

"Wait, Galloway's dissapeared?" asked Val.

"Ever since that mad scientist guy showed up," said Weiila. "Why do you ask?"

Everyone quickly remembered the story Weiila had told them during the fight with GOD, about the eight-year-old Galloway that tried to take over a world. "Uh, nothing," they all said in unison.

"Well, do you guys wanna come?" said Weiila. "I have to take Val home, anyway."

"Okay," said GG, before anyone else could respond. The fully-healed PC, meanwhile, stabbed Gungnir through the big Val's back, and everyone followed little Weiila and little Val off the tower.


Kidd Swift reached a large, black fortress. Inside, he kneeled before a large, fat man, with a furry red suit and hat. "They are here, my lord."


After Val had fully healed and stabbed Glenton through the spleen with the Kris Knife, and little Val had tried a few failed escape attempts, the group arrived at Castle RPGC. The walled fortress looked the same as always, although with a few extra weapons placed around the exterior. As they neared the castle, however, cannon fire suddenly erupted. The entire group dived for cover as cannoballs ripped the terrain apart.

"HALT!" shouted another high-pitched voice. "WHO COMES THERE?!"

Little Weiila smiled, and slowly approached the castle. "GG CRONO! IT'S ME, WEIILA!"

A pint-sized GG Crono leaned over the castle parapet, his hand still holding a burning cigarrete lighter. "HEY, WEIILA! WHAT THE SAM HILL YOU DOING DOWN THERE?!"



"THANK YOU, CRONO!" shouted little Weiila.


Little Weiila sighed. "OKAY, CRONO. JUST OPEN THE DOOR, WILL YA?!"

Little GG ducked back under, and the mighty gate opened. Little Weiila winked back at the group, which grabbed the still-bound little Val and carried her inside.


An adult, though slightly younger Wilfredo watched the group enter the castle from his office window. "Weiila, damn it!" he gasped. "What the hell's wrong with you? If those vampires capture you..."

The intercom buzzed. "Mr. Wilfredo? There's a message for you."

A letter fell through a slot in the door. Wil quickly ripped it open and looked at the contents. A smile crept across his face. "He's coming! We might have a chance here!"


The inside courtyard of the castle looked normal, as did the many walls, the well-worn stone steps, and the big pile of hay that was stacked in one corner for no discernable reason. The group finally made their way to the main double doors. "I should tell you," said Little Weiila, "it'll probably be extremely crazy inside."

"Bah!" said Val. "We've faced crap you've never even dreamed of! How scary could this be?"

Little Weiila shrugged and said, "Suit yourself." She opened the door, and ducked as a bottle rocket flew through the portal and slammed into Glenton's face. The screams and shouts of all-out war erupted from inside, as everyone ducked in fear.

A small Cala zipped by, screaming something at about 60 mph. A little PC Glenton followed, firing a comically oversized machine gun. A little Nagumo ran around, waving his arms around and shouting in third-person. A little Mabat walked by, saying something that left people totally flabbergasted.

"Val?" said GG.

"Yes," said Val.

"Kill me, please."

"Not before you kill me."

Little Val ran in and started beating on little Glenton, while Little Weiila made her way up a nearby flight of stairs.


Wil listened to the screams below him, nearly banging his head against the wall. Finally, little Weiila slowly entered his office, her head bowed. "You wanted to see me, Mr. Wilfredo?"

"Weiila, what have I told you about leaving the castle?" said Wil. "It's dangerous, remember?"

"But...But Val ran off!" said little Weiila. "And there were three adults that-"

"No excuses, Weiila," said Wil. He opened a nearby cabinet and pulled out a piece of wood, along with a bunch of nails. "Fix the base board by my door. Then we'll get down with your punishment."


A small car pulled up in the castle courtyard. A muscular figure in a silver mask and wrestling outfit stepped out and started up the stairs to the office.


A strong pungent odor emerged from somewhere deep inside the castle, as the madness continued nonstop. "...What the hell is that smell?" asked GG.

"Whatever it is," said Val, "it's better than staring at these noisy brats all day. Let's check it out."

They snuck by the insane fighting and followed the stench through the many halls and passageways of the castle, the smell growing stronger and stronger every passng second. Finally, they reached a set of double doors. The odor was now so strong, the capors could be seen seeping from under the door's crack.


Chibi Weiila finaly left Wil's office, rubbing both her face and rear in pain. The stranger watched her walk by, then entered Wil's office. Wil himself quickly threw the stick out the window and watched the stranger admire his perfectly-placed base boards. It was a large, muscular man, with a silver mask and wrestling outfit.

"I have come, as requested," said the silver masked man. "Now, what is the trouble?"

"I am glad you came on such short notice, El Santo," said Wil. "We are short on time. Weiila is in great danger."

"No, I haven't forgotten," said El Santo. "Tonight is the night; the vampires will capture her. Have you learned anything that could help? Something that could stop those monsters when they try to take her?"

"I have tried, El Santo," said Wil, "but I have no good news, and it may be too late to save her. Now, we should plan."


The smell immediately overtook all three, leaving them stunned. Alarms went off everywhere, as something knocked them out from behind.

When they came to, they were all suspended over a large vat of acid, wth only the strength of some old, rusty chains to keep them alive. Chibi Val was sitting at the bottom, along with a chibi Glenton and chibi Yar.

"Who sent you?" shouted Chibi Yar. "Did you come for our secret recipe?"

Val, Glenton, and GG Crono looked at each other in confusion. "What?!"

"We worked hard on that stuff!" shouted Chibi Glenton. "You'll die for that!"

"...Shut up, Glenton!" said Chibi Val. "We'll torture them first!"

"WHAT?! AND LET THEM ESCAPE?" shouted Chibi Glenton. "Come over here, you bitch!" The two launched into a sickening kid fight, while Yar started summoning Pokemon.

Wil poured himself a stiff drink, overjoyed with the coming of El Santo and the possible salvation of Weiila. That was when he heared the noise from downstairs. "Ah, damnit!" he sighed. "Rotten, ungrateful chibis."


GG swung out of the path of another fireball, as Val lifted herself over a lightning bolt. Glenton, meanwhile, was hit with a ball of water, which finally cleared out the last bit of Val's digestive juices from his hair.

Chibi Val and Chibi Glenton continued their pathetic fight, pulling at each others' hair while slapping and kicking. Chibi Yar, meanwhile, continued to summon Pokemon for his unholy army.


Everyone looked at the door, where a furious Wilfredo Martihnez was holding his drink while scowling. "You lousy kids! Who told you to tie people up while running a secret underground business empire?! In fact, who told you to run a secret underground business empire?!"

"Well, uh..." began Chibi Yar.

"It was for Weiila's birthday party!" said Chibi Val. "We were...uh...making desert!" Chibi Glenton gave an affirmative nod.

"Oh, very well," said Wil, now smiling. "Just let those people down and give them a tour. Otherwise, I'll become your new CEO and steal every single inch of profit you make." He finally left the room.

Chibi Val sighed in relief. "I thought he'd never leave!"


A bunch of vampire women gathered in a dark castle somewhere, while a bunch of vampire men stood as guards. Finally, the Queen of the Vampire Women raised her arms, and everyone fell silent.

"Tonight, we shall capture Weiila!" she said. "We shall use her as a sacrifice to our master, who shall guide us to victory against all the mortals!" A spotlight came on, revealing the sillhouete of a man with a long beard and red cap.


Val, Glenton and GG Crono were led back into the mysterious room, inside of which was a bunch of noisy machines filled with strage yellow, white, brown, and green goo. "This is what we're working on!" shouted Chibi Val, barely audible over the noisy machines. "It's cheese!"

"We started just trying to make a bunch for the party," said Chibi Glenton, "but then we realized that we're on the edge of a gaint microcheesery boom!"

"Now this is only the mixing tank!" shouted Chibi Yar. "Now, over here is where the cheese is made! That smell you're experiencing are enzymes, the active cultures in cheese!"


Wil returned to his office and picked up his handy phone. "Hello, Ticketmaster? Yes, I need...well, a lot of tickets for tonight. Yes, this is that Puerto Rican womanizer- Hello? HELLO?!"


(That night...)


The castle halls were filled with various party decorations, including stringers, banners, a very large table with a bightly-colored, pleasing tablecloth, a bunch of various life-shortening snacks, and not a single speck of dirt. All the dirt was instead piled onto the chibified RPGCers, who were gasping for air and trying desperately to get rid of the sludge on them. Wil stood nearby, holding his staff and remaining undirtified. "I told you the cleaning spell would just dump the garbage on whoever caused it. Now, if you ever make a mess like this again, you'll have to clean it up yourself! Go and change for the party!"


(a half-hour later...)

Slow, boring dance music filled the air as everyone attending the party (including Val, PC, and GG) did slow, ballroom dances. "Note to self," said chibi Weiila, "don't let Wilfredo Martinez organize your birthday party."

"This party is the dullst thing I've ever attended," said Val.

"At least it's better than that time Glenton ate paste and radiator fluid, and-" began chibi Val.

"SHUT IT!" shouted chibi Glenton.


In a dark corner, chibi Yar, chibi Mabat, chibi Cala, and chibi Nagumo gathered around a few firecrackers chibi Cala had smuggled in. "You know the plan," she said. "We set these in Wil's pocket, lite the fuse, and back away!"

"Nagumo approves of this plan!" shouted chibi Nagumo. "Nagumo wants to know who will plant the bomb!"

"Why don't we ask Wil to?" asked chibi Mabat. Everyone was totally flabbergasted.

"Fine, fine," said chibi Yar. "I'll do it. But if I get busted, it's your ass, Cala!"


GG collapsed into his chair, barely concious. "Boredom...too...strong...Brain...cannot...sustain."

Chibi Weiila sat in the chair next to him. "Thi is REALLY boring," she said. "My birthday is ruined..."

"EVERYONE!" shouted Wil, suddenly running into the near-death party. "I did it! I got us tickets for tonight's wrestling!" Everyone just frowned. "El Santo will be there!" Everyone jumped around for joy.

Wil made his way to chibi Weiila. "Uh, Weiila," he said, "we need you to stay here. The vampires will try to attack tonight."

Chibi Weiila's eyes casted to the ground. "That's okay. I didn't want to see some stupid like El Santo."

"Don't worry," said Wil, "you won't be alone. One of the other adults will stay, along with the four that are trying to put firecrakers into my pants." He turned, and grabbed chibi Yar's hand.


A mexican wrestler, wearing a black mast and black tights, sat with his manager in one of the arena's locker rooms. The screams from outside meant that the last match was still going strong.

"I'm gonna get some sleep, Lou," said the wrestler. "I'll have to fight Santo next. It's gonna be a tough one."

"I'll lock the door so nobody dsturbs you, Black Mask," said Lou. "I'll be getting some peanuts at the snack bar if you need me." Lou stepped out of the locker room and locked the door, while the Black Mask fell asleep on a nearby bench.


Chibi Weiila and chibi Yar were in the middle of their fifth game of checkers when a crash came from outside. Chibi Nagumo opened the door, still swinging his arms around wildly. A bunch of bats flew in and turned into muscular male vampires, who started fighting with everyone.

After a few minutes, the chibis were beaten down. The vampires leaned over, hungry for fresh children's blood. Another bar flew in, this time turning into a female vampire. "Forget about them!" shouted the female vampire. "Take only the angel. Then, we'll go and deal with those meddlers, El Santo and Wilfredo Martinez." One of the male vampires slung Weiila over his shoulder and walked out the door.


A bat flew into the Black Mask's locker room, and materialized into a male vampire. He started sneaking toward the still-sleeping wrestler, but accidently bumped into a chair, waking up the wrestler. The Black Mask tried to grapple the vampire, but the mexican wrestler was quickly overtaken by the undead bloodsucker and strangled to death.

The vampire withdrew his hands, and saw that the wrestler was wearing a black mask, not silver. "Ah, crap, it's the wrong guy!" Then he had a brilliant idea...


Val, Glenton, GG Crono, Wilfredo, and the other chibis made their way into the arena. The current match was just about over, with one of the wrestlers down from a hundred chair smacks to the head.

"Remember, kids," said Wil, "in Mexico, wrestling's a real sport!"


Lou returned to the locker room, his breath filled with the stench of peanuts and cracker jacks. The Black Mask woke up from his rest, despite having been strangled and now sporting a different body shape. "Come on," said Lou, putting the Black Mask's cape on, "the fight's about to begin!"


The Black Mask and El Santo entered the ring, surrounded by the cheers and jeers of the crowd. The obnoxious announcer entered the ring, and quickly grabbed the lowering microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we're ready for the main event!" The crowd erupted into cheers.

The announcer pointed to the Black Mask. "In this corner, the challanger, the Black Mask!" The crowd immediately turned to booing, as the Black Mask simply looked on sinsterly.

The announcer pointed to El Santo. "In this corner, the champion, the Man in the Silver Mask is EL SANTO!" The crowd cheered at the legendary wrestler.


"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" shouted chibi Glenton. "We're so screwed when Wil gets back!"

"Nagumo says to calm down!" shouted chibi Nagumo, still waving his arms around like a maniac. "Nagumo reccomends we find and rescue Weiila before it's too late!"


El Santo and the Black Mask walked to the center of the ring, shook hands, and walked back to their corners. The bell rang, and the two rushed at each other. The Black Mask struck first, grabing El Santo's head, flipping around, and throwing the Silver Masked Man over his shoulder. El Santo jumped back up and punched the Black Mask, knocking him against the rope. He then punched him again, sending the Black Mask flipping out of the ring.

The crowds descended onto the Black Mask, throwing garbage and brandishing beer bottles. After nearly killing an old lady and beating the crap out of a few drunks, the Black Mask climbed back into the ring. He jumped back at El Santo, grabbing him into a headlock and running him into the ring's posts. The Black Mask finished it all by lifting El Santo over his head and backbreaking him.


"...Something's not right," said Wil. "El Santo should be fighting better than this." He made his way to the ring.

"Well, whatever," said chibi Val. "I'm gonna get some cracker jacks." She jumped to her feet and walked out of the stands.


The bell rang again, and the wrestlers moved back to their respective corners. Wil quickly jumped into the ring. "He's mad! He's trying to murder you!"

"That fellow's not the Black Mask!" said El Santo. "He's been using karate on me. He could kill me in one blow."

"I'll tell the ref," said Wil. "We'll have him suspend the match!"

"No, I can handle this," said El Santo.

"But he's trying to murder you!"

"I was warned about this. But I will see this through."

El Santo made his way back into the action, as Wil slowly climbed back out. The Black Mask charged at El Santo, but the Silver Masked Man threw him over his back, climped up the post, and quickly used a bodyslam. The Black Mask got back up, and the two started throwing pathetic karate chops at each other, beofre going into a hold.

After a few seconds, the Black Mask flipped himself on his hands, grabbed El Santo's head in a lock, and threw him to the ground. He then jumped on El Santo's back and started pulling the silver mask off.

The crowd sat in stunned silence. Their hero had been defeated. It was over for Mexican wrestling...

El Santo finally threw the Black Mask off, pulled down the bottom of his mask, and pinned the Black Mask. He then started pulling the black mask off. After several agonizing seconds, the black mask came off.

The Black Mask climbed up, revealing a pair of fangs and a face covered in long brown hair. El Santo climbed back, as the crowds ran off. Wil climbed into the ring almost immediately, armed with his staff.


"Holy shit!" shouted Val. "It's Butch Patrick!"

"I think it's a vampire trying to act like a human," said GG. "Looks like he failed miserably."

"Who cares?" shouted PC Glenton. "Let's kick some vampire ass!"


Chibi Yar, Chibi Mabat, Chibi Cala, and Chibi Nagumo took a few steps out the door, only to get instantly grabbed and captured by vampires. In the bushes, a skeletal Chibi Videospirit watched.


Val, Glenton and GG Crono finally reached the ring and jumped inside. The werewolf-vampire continued to karate chop the police, El Santo (who, by the way, was not de-masked during the fight), and the entire RPGC gang. Meanwhile, in the stands, Chibi Val, Chibi Glenton, Chibi Mastermune, Chibi Wolf of Light, and Chibi Lex (the last three were there the whole time. Trust me.) watched while munching down on popcorn and cracker jacks.

Finally, the vampire was pinned against the far turnbuckle. One of the cops pulled out his revolver and fired several shots into the vampire, all of which did nothing. Finally, everyone piled onto the filthy beast, who transformed into a bat and flew through an opening in the ceiling. El Santo ran out to the parking lot, jumped into his El Santo-mobile, and drove after the bat.


"Well, that was a near-disaster," said Wil. He then saw the adult RPGCers. "Wait, didn't I leave one of you behind?"

"I, uh, think you forgot about that," said GG.

Wil was seized with complete and total fear. "Weiila...she's in danger!" He ran to the nearest payphone and called the castle, only to get no response. Cursing, he slammed the phone down so hard the receiver was smashed into the floor.

Suddenly, a floating skeleton-whatever appeared in front of the black mage. Wil was about to blast it when it recognized it. "Videospirit, go to your human form. NOW."

Videospirit landed on the ground and transformed into a chibified human, resembling a short-haired girl. "WIL! THEY'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED! THEY'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!"

"Wait, wait, slow down! Who was kidnapped?"



The vampire returned to his "human" form for some reason and started running, holding his cape out like a little kid. The El Santo-mobile cloesd in on it, like a cat on a bloodthirsty mouse. The vampire finally ducked behind a corner, but El Santo simply parked the car a little ways up and jumped out. The vampire charged forward, his teeth bared...and went right into a path of a church crucifix.

"Oh, why couldn't I have been a vampire in Israel?" was his last thought before being reduced to ashes. El Santo ran up to the burning embers, shook his head, and returned to the El Santo-mobile. After marking it down as a kill, he drove off into the woods.


Back at the castle, Wil was freaking out over some maps, while Chibi Lex was working on getting milk and cookies. Unfortunately, Chibi Wolf of Light tried to heat her milk, and ended up destroying the kitchen.

Wil slowly started to mutter something. "A...B...C..."

"He's snapped," said Chibi Val. "He's reciting the alphabet!"

Wil jumped out of his chair. "I'VE GOT IT!" He ran over to a wall-mounted TV screen and pressed some buttons. A live feed of El Santo, driving down the woods, returned to the screen. "Santo! I've located the vampire's castle! It's deep in the black woods!"

"I understand," said El Santo. "I'll save her in a hurry!"


The El Santo-mobile finally pulled off the road and onto a small ledge. Suddenly forgetting how to drive, El Santo jumped out and ran up the ledge, until he could see a massive, European-style castle. "That's funny," he said. "Why haven't I noticed THAT before?"

Shrugging, he ran through the castle front gate and into the main foyer. The maid had apparantly left centuries ago, as the whole place was covered in a hundred layers of dust and cobwebs. An owl was perched on the back of an ancient oak chair, hooting at pretty much nothing. El Santo slowly snuck through the castle, not seeing any vampires lurking around.

Finally, he found a dungeon. Inside, Weiila was chained to an altar, while Chibi Cala, Chibi Yar, Chibi Nagumo, and Chibi Mabat were chained to the wall. As soon as El Santo fully entered the room, however, iron gates slammed down, trapping the wrestler inside a small cage. Two burly vampires, accompanied by a beautiful female vampire, opened the cage and dragged El Santo to another altar, where the male vampires proceeded to beat him down.

Suddenly, five more hot female vampires entered, raising their hands in a fascist salute. "It is almost dawn, sister," said one. "Our queen says you must hurry!"

The female vampire looked out the window, and saw that it was true. "I will give her the blood of the angel," she said, "but first, we shall see who our stubborn enemy is! Remove his mask!"

As the vampires were about to end El Santo's career forever, the sun finally broke through the clouds. A shaft of light ripped through a small window, and bathed the female vampire in its burning heat. She quickly turned to ash, while the two male vampires backed away into the shadows. El Santo quickly broke his chains loose, and started punching the vampires down. He then ran up the stairs and dived down at them, knocking them completely into the sunlight. They quickly turned to ash, while El Santo grabbed a nearby burning torch and ran down the stairs, completely ignoring the chibis.

Chibi Weiila sighed. "If they had just bought curtains, it would have saved the whole vampire race."


The remaining female vampires suddenly turned into old, decrypic mummies and ran into their coffins as El Santo approached. The wrestler quickly opened each coffin and thrusted his torch in, horribly mutilating the helpless vampires. After he had finished his mass genocide, he threw the torch down and ran back to the dungeon.


Wil's car pulled up next to the El Santo-mobile. Val, Glenton, GG, and Wil climbed out, followed by the chibis. El Santo ran down the hill, carrying Chibi Weiila. The other four chibis followed behind, obviously in deep trouble.

El Santo handed Chibi Weiila to Wil. "My work is done here," said the wrestler. "I must be going now." He jumped into his El Santo-mobile and drove off.

"Goodbye, sweet wrestling friend," said Wil.

"Who is he, Wil?" asked Chibi Weiila.

"Well, we may never know for sure," said Wil. "But as long as there is evil in the world, there will be good men of valor like El Santo, who will be willing to fight it."

Val, Glenton and GG were about to pass out from the emotion when they were suddenly teleported.


The three landed in a large room, along with everyone else that had attended the demonstration. A shadowy figure strode down the stairs. All three knew who it was...


(To be continued)