Say what?
"It is today when it spreads out how?"
Kirsten opened one eye and stared at Tyler. "What?"
"You today are to peel, as I asked."
She sat up. "What the hell are you saying?"
"I under being infected got in the Babelfish Virus. Your unsympathetic female help my."
"Oh Gods..." That was all she needed right now. Another Engrish epidemic caused by AltaVista leakage. She was never drinking the water from this place again. She stood and stretched, and blew a few strands of raven-coloured hair out of her face. Oh well, at least Pierson finally got around to giving me a description...
"It broke the next wall to stop, help to me!" Tyler shouted incoherently. Strangely enough the Virus seemed to have gotten rid of his speech impediment.
Realisation dawned. "This is a time-filler isn't it? Because Pierson doesn't want to do his homework?"
"Compensate the first hour."
"Alright, alright, but if this involves anything harsh he will pay."
beep
"It the fact that and now it happens percentage theyn the place, it did and and to sleep it did?" Tyler said tiredly, as information began to flow onto the screen.
Kirsten’s hazel-
“He did it again. Stupid fanauthor…”
-eyes scanned through the pages, and Tyler shouldered in to look. “It is terrible is bloody.”
“They just don’t know when to quit, do they?” The fic in question had the Final Fantasy X characters appearing in the real world for little to no reason. In Illinois.
“They, at our descriptions below, kill,” Tyler added happily through the Virus’ gibbering Engrish.
Kirsten didn’t bother with armour this time, or anything else, but instead threw a small lamp to Tyler, who held onto it.
“Is this what?” he asked.
“You’ll find out later.” Kirsten looked back once at the page and sighed. “Why do they always feel the need to start off in Spira, and then transplant? Why can’t they just start in their own universes? This would be so less tedious.”
“It is easy and not to be, it makes it pursues dwelling,” Tyler said with a shrug. His eyes widened as Kirsten jumped through the portal. He leaped after her and just got through before the portal closed.
*~*~*
They landed on the metallic surface of the airship. Yuna was sitting ahead of them and Tidus, since his actual location had not even been hinted at, was resting next to her for convenience’ sake.
Yuna sat on top of the airship, she squinted as she looked up at the sky. It was bright almost too bright. That is when she felt it.
Tidus was snoozing as usual when they had rest time. He cracked open an eye about a millimeter when he heard Wakka. A blinding light filled his thoughts and that was the last.
Kirsten sighed. “We travelled all the way here for two measly paragraphs? Damn Sues…”
“This case of what. Follow them,” Tyler said, as Kirsten pressed the button for the auto-portal, and they followed the Sues to their own world.
*~*~*
The two fell out into a black space, the sure sign that the Sues had not bothered to describe their location. Immediately the world started to take shape around them as the universe compensated and created the most likely location for the FFX characters to turn up in the real world; the Sue’s bedroom.
"I want to play FFX," a young girl rolled over on her bed.
"Yeah, well it's at my house, Yunie" another girl looked up from reading a manga.
”Hai," Yuna was her nickname most of her friends call her that and she looked similar to Yuna from FFX or FFX-2. She stared long and hard at her wall scroll of Yuna and Lenne then closed her eyes.
Kirsten pointed at the wall scroll. “We could wrap them in it and set it on fire?” she suggested. She hated Sue’s bedrooms. They always smelled like a cross between acid and limes. Probably the result of the bad writing that was thought up in them.
"Rikku-chan! Can I read FLCL?"
"Again?" Rikku, otherwise known as Chrissy, rolled her eyes as she handed Yuna a book.
*BOOM*
"Eh?" Yuna stared through a cloud of dust.
"Man, this is weird, even weirder than Sasha running around the house naked," Chrissy commented.
“Since we have no idea who Sasha is, I take this as a good thing,” Kirsten said quietly.
The dust cleared and to their surprise and joy there were the characters from FFX and FFX-2.
“It surprises why like this? They it spreads out from here all,” Tyler said in puzzlement.
“When we get back you have to get that fixed,” Kirsten said, looking around at her unintelligible partner.
"What the?" Tidus blinked and stared at the two girls.
"KAWAII!!! TIDUS!!!" Two screams pierced the air.
“Why do all Sues know that word? It’s so damned annoying…”
"Tidus? You are alive?" Yuna stood up from the place they landed on the floor.
"Yuna?"
"I presume that this is a surreal world and we should leave immediately," Auron spoke and stood.
“YES! SENSE FROM THE BIG MAN! LEAVE NOW!” Kirsten screamed. As usual, her pleas went unheard by the Canon characters. Like Elrond, Auron never seemed to be affected as bad as the others.
“They do not listen to assuredly. Hymn it does not do sourly to dry,” Tyler said darkly.
"No, man, let's stay awhile, ya?" Wakka picked up his blitz ball from the floor.
“Wakka’s intelligence, on the other hand, has dropped. As usual.”
"STAY!" Mini Yuna shouted. (Let's just call me that until we sort this out..)
“Which will be never, because we kill you at the end of the chapter!”
"Any of you good in Math?" Chrissy cocked her head to the side.
"This is foolish," Lulu commented enraged.
“It goes out inside loving. Is and I think the multi thing," Tyler said dreamily.
"Waiwai! Look at the kawaii stuffed animals!" Rikku occupied herself with some of Mini Yuna's stuffed animals and was quite entertained.
"This place comfortable, Kimahri say we stay."
Kirsten frowned. “More shattered characters. I hate my job. And my life. But right now I hate these people
"I think we should-"
"SWORD!" Chrissy grabbed Paine's sword and now was swinging it wildly.
“…And decapitating her and her friend’s head?” Kirsten asked of the narrative.
“e li Three eps. The possibility does not kill the themlselves. Together in the head of a family enemy, this is not...” Tyler said.
"How about we introduce ourselves?" Mini Yuna suggested, "My name is Sarah but my friends call me Yuna but since we already have a Yuna I will be called Yunie!"
“Or simply ‘the bitch.”
“I am Chrissy! Tidus, will you do it-" Yunie grabbed her toy staff and whacked her over the head before she could utter any more hentai material.
"HA! I took 47 hp away from you!" Yunie seemed quite happy as she sat down on her bed.
“Yunie hits Kirsten with the bad joke. Kirsten is poisoned. Kirsten takes ninety-nine hit-points of damage Kirsten is poisoned with rage.”
"I am Tidus, I was in Zanakard about to go defeat Sin but now I am here," he looked around with caution.
“Waitwaitwait, if he’s from the FFX time, why is Paine here? Speaking of that, where is Paine?” Kirsten looked around, bit it was Tyler who noticed it. He pointed at a dark area in the middle where Paine had been standing, as tends to happen to characters who are mentioned but never get any lines.
"I am Yuna, I was looking for Tidus but now I guess that I am somewhere," Yuna patted one of the guns in holster.
“You sure are somewhere. My IQ is dropping. Help.”
"Auron, we must leave immediately," he pushed up his shoulders and leaned down on his sword.
“Who talked that?” Tyler asked, looking at the phantom dialogue.
"I am Wakka, was complaining a bit to Lulu before I came here, ya?" Wakka spinned his blitz ball on his finger.
“Lack of proper tense words. Add it to the list,” Kirsten said.
“Doing }so{,“ Tyler replied.
"I am Lulu, this is not real, how could we come to this place anyways?" She stood with one hand on her hip.
“Because mean people took your life and made you.”
"Rikku reporting of duty!" Rikku smiled and winked at the two girls.
"Paine, can I have my sword back?" Paine cast an ungrateful look at Chrissy.
“Also they seem to have mixed up their own names.”
"Kimhari," the blue furred creature stood straight with a straight look on his face.
“Kimhari what? And they got his name wrong as well…”
"Well, we are all introduced. Now who knows how to work a computer because I need a little help on my World Issues homework?" Yunie smiled and eyed everyone.
The world slowed to a crawl as the chapter ended. As there wasn’t another one, Kirsten took her time in picking over to the Sues and staring balefully at their gleaming faces. “It must be nice, to know everything, and have power over it,” she commented wistfully.
“That it does not think to dry,” Tyler warned. He placed his hand on the shoulder of ‘Chrissy’. The girl started moving againas Time came back into effect around her person, and Tyler promptly hit her. She crumpled.
“Mind your fists,” Kirsten warned, as Tyler hissed and held onto it. “Sues have hard heads. How else do they keep writing in the face of all the critisicm?” She did the same to the Sue Prime, and slung her over her shoulder. Both her and Tyler were used to this by now. Their spines didn’t even creak anymore. “How are we getting rid of them?” she asked.
“It is good they the possibility of stopping it isn't it pulverizes to the lower part of force sound?” Tyler suggested.
Kirsten shrugged. Quite hard when you’re carrying a universe-worth of Sue on your shoulder. “Sounds good. You have the lamp?”
Tyler reached into his pocket and brought out a small lamp, which he rubbed. The worl went dark.
“Who disturbs my sleep?”
“Challengers, your Guardian-ship,” Kirsten said respectfully, obeying the First Law of Karnak; Though Shalt Not Piss Off Gods.
“You dare to challenge me?” Diablos said quietly.
“Nope, but these two do, and they said some nasty things about your mother.” She unloaded the Sue onto the dark ground in front of her. Tyler did the same, and the two were kicked in the face until they woke up. It was hard, as they kept failing unconscious again, but eventually they did.
“Wha…?” The Sue called Chrissey asked.
“Chrissy and… Yunie. You are guilty of Sueism, bad grammar, making half the cast of Final Fantasy X be out of character, taking said characters into your own world, trying and failing badly at humour, and various other things. Tyler?”
“I will be extensive, it hates. Matrix.” Tyler said.
“…That made even less sense than usual. Anyway…” She planted her foot on the Sue’s chest and kicked her towards Diablos.
“Ow!” one said, follishly.
“SILENCE! You dare to think you may beat me! I’ll show you!” The Gravity God raised an arm above his head, and the two assassins beat a hasty retreat into the darkness, and then turned to look.
“It’s not so much the looking as the noise,” Kirsten said, as the Sues were pulverised into something resembling the colour – and probably taste – of boysenberry jam under a black sphere with a mass of roughly Jupiter.
“Defect of their oneself,” Tyler said dismissively.
“I suppose. Come on. I think they count as disposed of.” Kirsten said. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again she was standing in the Sue’s rapidly-disappearing bedroom. One portal later, and they were back in the Reponse centre. Tyler plodded of too the Informary, and Kirsten sat back down, and tried to go back to sleep, without being interrupted by one last pun or joke. It worked.
I have no idea why babelfish translated 'die' as 'matrix'.
Chapter 8