RPG Classics Mailbag
'Allo all. I am your host for this Mailbag, Megaman984. Some of you might be wondering, what did I do to get to host. Well, I am by far, the most replierific Mailbag replier.
Replierific? Is that even a word?
Uh... It is now.
I didn't know you could do that.
Sure I can. I'm the host; I can make up words.
Something seems wrong with that statement...
*Begins waving fingers at Energon* Nothing is wrong with that statement... You will not challenge my making up words powers any more... When you wake up, you shall be a, uh, Winnebago! Yeah... *Snaps fingers* So, how are you, Energon? Feel any more Winnebago-like?
Umm... Not really...
Oh... Well... I guess we'll go to our first response from, hmm, d Galloway...
So, you want to know who was funny, easy, and hard? There are so many possible responses to that question, it isn't even funny! It'll be tough to top last week's response, but I'll try my best. I have listed 3 bosses to each category, so be happy, 'cause you saw what I did to the previous host! Mwahahahahaha!
Umm... Ozzie's not here. He was taken away by Evil Cid when I was left in charge.
Oh, and by the way...*Knocks Ozzie, Lunaris, and Evil Cidolfas into an iron-maiden*...my internet-name is "d Galloway"! Capitalize the G next time!
What did I just say about Ozzie not being here? I'm in charge, and there's no Lunaris, Ozzie, Evil Cid, Lucca, or whoever else you can name.
Well, he obviously didn't know.
*Slaps forehead* Did you just say "obviously"?
Oh... It's just that... *Is thrown to ground as a person flies through the floor*
There's no need to fear! Captain Obvious is here!
Captain Obvious?! How many alternate personalities do you even have?
Just you and Captain Obvious. Cap is probably the more annoying of the two though.
Yes! Haha! I am obviously annoying! Haha! Where's Boy Blatant?
Boy Blatant isn't one of my personalities, so he's not here.
Oh. Very well. I am off. Captain Obvious, away! *Jumps into the Obviousmobile then drives away*
Wait... Why did he fly in here then drive away in a car?
*Slaps Energon upside the head* Stop pointing out my mistakes! Any way, our next reply is from KUSWIL... Hmmm... That's an interesting name to say the least...
Ahh, bosses. The cosmic glue that holds RPGs together. The all-time
easiest boss is the "persistent weakling" of Paper Mario, Koopa Jr.. I only
had a had a hard time once, because I wasn't prepared. The single hardest
boss was Terranigma's "Bloody Mary." Put simply:
Probably to annoy people. I mean, if I couldn't hurt a boss, I'd get annoyed. And when I get annoyed, Energon gets hurt.
That's okay. I'm not annoyed... yet... *Ominous silence* Oh well... On to Zagrius whose sprites will be finished sometime. Heh...
Hi Megaman984, this is Zagrius! I guess it's about time I send my second Mail Bag, but oh well...
Hah! I've sent in 31 replies that have been accepted! I sent in more, but some of them weren't accepted. Oh well. This makes my 32 Mailbag apperance. I am the Mailbag Replying King! All hail me!
Oh... Uh... Back to Zag, I guess...
Anyway, talking about RPG bosses, I must talk about FF7 (I don't know really why, it just came to mind) and the main boss: Sephiroth. Now, I'm talking about him in the final form, where you need that omnislash limit break thingy. If you have the limit break, then the boss is super easy as he actually has only 1 hp and you just need to use it once to kill him. If you don't have it then you can't defeat him (I think, I tried and never really succeeded without omnislash). Anyway, his attacks are quite weak, and I don't think you are even supposed to lose there.
The funniest boss would have to be Ultros, because he's an idiot. What can I say? Fighting incompetents makes me laugh.
Know what would be even funnier? Fighting incontinent incompetents. ... I'll shut up now.
Bye bye, and see you next time I reply to a mailbag!
Well, you won't really see me. I'm just a temp host. I might be permanent sometime, but I'm just filling in for now.
I know I'm your bumbling sidekick, and Captain Obvious is the not so frequently shown sidekick, but who is the funny boss you boss around?
I need a boss to boss around?
Well, it seems to be a common theme in all of the Mailbags.
True... I guess I'll boss around, hmmm, Garland.
I'd make a joke about him threatening to knock me down, but he didn't.
I, Garland, will knock you down!
No you won't.
I, Garland, will not knock you down?
Why won't I, Garland, knock you down?
Because I said so. Besides, I have a group of these Light Warrior thingies.
Light Warriors?! Uh oh... *Edges away slowly then quickly runs away*
That was interesting, but not as interesting as demon_king_okage's reply.
Making a segueway, are we?
Yeah. I guess I need to practice it some. On with the reply!
Hello again, this is my fourth entry, but since nobody cares on with the mailbag. Rather than make up a boss i thnk i'd remake a boss. I think I would remake sephiroth or most final fantasy final bosses for that matter. How come there so easy to beat but apparently they're all gods? Do all the main characters from final fantasy have magical god bashing weapons or something?
They all have the Giant Hammer of God Smashing +15. Or those video game gods are really weak. One or the other. But, um, how exactly are you going to remake them? Just make them harder? Bah. It matters not. On to Skankin_Garbage's questionerific reply.
There you go making up words again.
*Waves fingers at Energon* Winnebago!
... Damn you are weird.
*Does an annoying flashy entrance*
Hah! I am not blinded! I've gots mys Shades!
Boy. He's master of the obvious. Uh oh...
*Appears in the Obviousmobile* Duh duh duh!
You two, stop, now. I'm trying to finish this reply.
Every wonder why a boss in a game is called a boss? What made the Guard Scorpion from Final Fantasy 7 a boss? Why would anyone leave a huge scorpion the shoots lasers in charge of a reactor? What was Gilgame from Final Fantasy 5 the boss of? All he had was a cave with a lot of money in it. The only "Boss" boss that I can remember off the top of my head is Caballero from SaGa Frontier, cos he was the boss of all those gangster guys. I don't think they're called bosses cos they're bossy. Lloyd from Legend of Dragoon, as I remember, was a really nice guy. What should bosses really be called? Tough guys, perhaps?
I think they're called bosses because they boss the monsters in their respectve dungeons around, or something.
How the hell do bosses get their names? A perfect example of a really
stupid name is Ex-Death, from Final Fantasy 5. Blah, he probably wanted to
suck the world into nothingness cos of the emotional trauma he suffered at
school! I could just imagine...
What motives do villains have for doing the evil things they do?
Why are there really stupid villains like Evil Cidolfas? Just wondering...
They're stupid because they drop out of school. Stay in school!
Are you done yet?
Why do villains wait until the heroes arrive to carry out their evil
There. That's all. THE END *Does an equally annoying flashy exit*
One question. When did he even meet the Mailbag requirements?
Probably when he decided to talk about bosses. I guess it shouldn't have been so ambiguous. Well, time for Booken's response.
This is Booken, signing in.
Of course not. Lunaris isn't here. Remember, he's with Evil Cid in some tropical place.
How is that evil?
Little does Lunaris know that there are jellyfish there this time of year.
Oh... That still doesn't seem very evil.
Now let's take care of buisness. What? I can't be you sidekick? ... ...
BZZZZZ! No can do. Only I may hurt Energon right now. Well, X can too, but that's only because I've let him hurt Energon before. But from now on whenever I guest host (which I'll hopefuly be able to do again), the repliers may hurt Energon.
... Bully for me.
Speaking of MegamanX2K, here's his reply!
I just wanna know, WTF is up with Garland? What was Square smoking when they created him? And if he's so easy to beat, then why didn't the King just send his guards out to knock him off? So much for Knocking us down...the only boss in existance that can be beaten before any other battle...
*cut to commercial* "From Mattel: New Talking Garland!
Grrr... I, Garland, shall knock X down! *Tries to knock X down, but fails miserably*
Also, I'd like to see a FF with a moogle as the last boss. Just to show the moogle's dominance over the domain of cute RPG creatures...until Sin punts it...or catapults it...or Sat fondles it...or DN immolates it...heck, you're no help either! Eating them...hentai...
Well, Moogles are tasty. Besides, if there's a Moogle as a last boss, that would have to be the easiest boss ever. Hmmm... That would actually be funny to see a party of Sinistral, Mr. Saturn, Dragon Ninja, and I fight a Moogle. *Chuckles to himself for several minutes*
Are you done yet?
Yes. *Wipes tear from laughing so much from his eye* Up next, Dial-Up, who has some Dragon Warrior 4 spoilers, I guess. Don't read it if you don't want anything ruined.
Hello, Mister Megaman984. I'm Dial-Up, a middle child of the Gods of the Internet. (AOL being my annoying little brother, DSL is my older sister, and Cable my oldest brother.)
What about T-3, huh? How could you leave him out?! Is he like the uncle no one talks about? Huh? Huh?!
*Slowly breathes in and out* Okay. I'm calm. Serenity now. Serenity now.
I'm a first time writer, but a long time reader of this mailbag.
For the bosses, I think Necrosaro from Dragon Warrior 4 is the coolest RPG boss. At first he looks like the guy you thought was the final boss, but as you hit him his arms and legs fall off, then a new face errupts from his chest and stomach. You keep hitting him and he grows new legs and arms, and then you keep hitting him and he grows a second head. Not only does he look really cool, but the whole thing goes along with the story. All through the game you hear about the "secret of evolution" and then when you finally get to meet (Necro)Saro, he's evolved and continues to evolve during the fight.
I guess I'm done babbling... I hope you put this up because if you don't I'll have to leave you for my little brother. :P
Too late. I already have to deal with AOL. Well, it looks like a Staffer decided to reply...
Hi Dragon God.
Here is what I think of RPG bosses :
The easiest : vitually any first boss in nearly every RPG, examples : Whelk(FF6), Wingraptor(RS3), Steam Knight(BFM), Garland(FF1), etc....
The hardest : either optional bosses or final bosses, examples : Shinryuu(FF5), Emerald Weapon(FF7), Dark Lumina(BFM), Trance Kuja(FF9), Demon King(LaL), etc...
Funniest boss : is it about looks or how they act ? Here's my take : Gilgamesh(FF5), Ultros(FF6), Ozzie(CT), Ben & Ed(BFM), Kefka(FF6), etc.....
Make my own boss ?
Ok, let's say I'd create the Ultimate Weapon of FFX (I'm not even sure if they got one yet ) : The Black
Stilva ( Stilvas look like the Materia Keeper Boss from FF7 )
Now that would be a challenge, Omega Weapon and the others, eat your heart out ! ;P
I'm sure they would if they had hearts. Besides, I know an attack that could get rid of that boss.
The JR Pit. Those of you that know about it are probably shivering with fear now. Well, the next reply is from...
Umm... DG still has a bit more of a reply.
Well... that's that. I'll be sure to write more often for the mailbag from now on. ( Sorry Cid =( )
That's okay. I'm sure Cid doesn't care, too much. But, I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you. Well, next reply is from Yaradovich Kramer.
So now 984 is in charge, huh? Boy, the mailbag seems to change hands more often than some people I know change their pants! Speaking of which, here's a Hadoken for Ozzie. KOKIN! [blasts Ozzie with a fireball]
First of all, I'm just temp hosting right now. Second of all, OZZIE IS NOT HERE! If you want to blast someone, blast Energon.
*Glares at 984* You will die a slow and painful death...
You'll die when I do. Remember, you're one of the voices in my head.
Anywho ... I haven't played any PSX games, so I'll most likely have a few dissenters. Easiest boss: the Whelk in Final Fantasy 6. That thing was pathetic. At least, when you managed to not attack him right after he hid in his shell, but even so ...
Hardest boss: Let's see here ... I'd have to say Red in Pokémon Gold/Silver/Crystal. Especially when one has an egg, four Level 50 Pokémon, and one L60 Ho-Oh against his team of mostly L77's (and a L80 Pikachu...) That Snorlax, alone, was REALLY hard, between his already through-the-roof HP, Attack, and Defense and his Amnesia upping his Special Defense. Heck, I actually spent some time LEVELING UP my party!! And that's unusual for me.
Funniest boss: Ultros. Wild guess: lots of people agree with me on this one.
Actually, it seems most people are saying Ozzie is the funniest. I guess they wanted to here that stupid green pig mystic's reply. Oh well. Ozzie is one of Cid's voices, so he's not here. Hmm... We Mailbag hosts must suffer from schitzophrenia or something. Well, Rayman201 wants to add a reply.
Who was the easiest boss? I would have to say, Starman Junior from Earthbound because he can't even hurt you thanks to Buzz Buzz and his Psi Shield E. The hardest boss, I would have to say De Rose from Robotrek, she's strong against nearly every attack, my only hope (aside from using Bomb 3 and because of the long recharge bar, having a painful blister that lasts a few days) is to power up my long range weapon for all my robots. The funniest boss, probably Papamecha from Robotrek because he is the fake mayor of Rococo and I just think there's something funny about him. As for making up my own boss, I would make the Big Pile of Crap. He would be the boss of the sewers and the guardian of one of the orbs in my game. He's a huge mound of crap who's horrid smell can make your party members sick and blind and he can make little piles of crap.
Wow. Little piles of crap... I guess they knew how bad the Battlfield: Earth movie would be back then...
You haven't even seen that movie.
Uh... Well... LOOK OVER THERE! *Points finger then quickly runs away*
Hmmm... I guess I have to host some of the Mailbag now... Bully for me. Let's see, next is a last minute reply by Ackbar. I guess that stupid fish doesn't know how to reply before very late Saturday night. Oh well. 984 doesn't either.
Dear Megaman984, Energon Lord of Papercuts, and Captain Obvious:
Wow. Someone greeted me. I am obviously filled with happiness...
Hold it! I'm not "Lord of Papercuts." I'm "Lord of the Paper Cuts!" *Trumpets play in the background* That's better.
Hi, im Ackbar, long lime reader, first time mailer.Well the answer to this question all depends on the point of view of the person, but to me, the easiest of all RPG bosses would have to be Dark gaia from Terranigma. This boss didn't really give me a challenge at all....The hardest boss would have to be Divinegon from DW3(GBC). He is a very hard boss, and only gets harder the more you beat him. By the end, you have to beat him in 15 rounds to win. And the funniest of bosses would have to be....*drumroll*....the king of comedy, Kefka! This guy is hilarious, with his hate hate hates, and all his goofy metaphores. Well this is Ackbar...leaving.
*walks out the mailbag door labeled EXIT*
Since when has there been an EXIT door?
Obviously since Ackbar added it.
Do you think 984 went through that door?
Hmmm... Maybe. Quick! To the Obviousmobile! *Jumps in the Obviousmobile then drives through the door*
That was certainly overkill.
Yes. It certainly was.
... Where were you?
I... uh... had to go to the... uh... Little Reploids' room.
I'm not even going to ask.
That would be a good idea. Let's see... 12 replies have been answered. That means six remain.
Why are you even responding to all of them?
Well, who knows when I'll ever get to do this again, so I decided to respond to all 18 of them. Luckily, all but two of the last 6 are pretty short. Want that we should answer them?
Actually, I just want to leave.
No can do. I created you, so I can tell you when you can and can't leave.
Yes. Damn me. Well, time to start the really short reply list. First up, thekers.
Kefka has to be one of the funniest. his self-help book line had me laughing for an hour.
Next, soveryez with a subject line of "Sephiroth sucks!" I wonder what he'll say...
Cloud:USES DESTRUCT MATERIA to destroy Sephy's wall.
And talk about an easy reply to answer.
Quiet you. Up next is uglybrute.
The easiest boss was Garland,from the original FF.The hardest? Humm.... KEFKA! =D And as for funniest...Ultros or Gilgamesh. Those two would make a killer comedy team... Thankies!
Why am I considered so easy?!
Probably because you could be beaten by 4 level one white mages, but that's pure speculation. Up now is the last short reply, all said by Gaborn!
Hello megaman984, ‘tis I, Gaborn. Someone tell Lunaris he is a *cut due to the graphic nature of these few sentences*. And ozzie, you aer the sumbest person ever. Enuff ozzie and stupid yellow suit wering
people bashing. On to THE rant of the day ;). I thought Lavos was the hardest, e had /3/ freaking forms, and he kept revivng, the funniest boss was Ozzie *snicker snicker* he go tbeat by a freaking cat when he started his own castle, the WIMP. The easiest was was, hm, OZZIE *an award carrying lady comes out, but I blast him before he can hand Ozzie his Easiest and Funniest boss in a game award (like they do in DBZ)* and I now leave you with a quote from one of my great friends, Ed
Sumbest? What the Hell is a sumbest?
Apparently that's what Ozzie is. I think when Ozzie and Lunaris get back, they're going to have a word with our dear friend Gaborn.
Did you know that if you took the last four replies and put them together, you might get a whole response.
Heh. You're probably right. Well, we have two replies left. Whew. Well, Ryuuhi is up.
Heya, it's Ryuuhi. What can I say? I bet you will get 547,398 emails (or almost that) saying Kefka or Sephiroth was the easiest boss.
Nope. Just about 14, but I see how you can confuse 14 with 547,398.
But how can any boss be easier than Dark King from Mystic Quest? I mean, just cast Cure (ARRGH!!) and voila! He's dead in a few seconds. (He's already easy even if you don't do that)
About hardest...hmm...Chaos maybe? (And without EMULATORS OK?ONLY THE HOLY CARTRIDGES ALLOW THE PLAYER TO FEEL THE REAL CHALLENGE OF A GAME!!!)
Do I detect a hatred for ROMS?
Yes. He obviously hates ROMS and Emulators. Ha ha!
Now the funniest...well, there's that boss from Yo!Noid...um...not an RPG, and the main character is weird too. Hmm...maybe that stupid Slime from Lufia 2? It isnt the last boss, but it sure made me feel stupid after going down 100 floors to fight a HUGE, DESTRUCTIVE...Slime. Well, but that isnt funny either, it's actually irritating.
My vote would go for Kefka then. Who else that says "Son of a submariner" and wears a green-red clowny costume could think of destroying the world?
I'd say an evil Submariner or Aquaman, but I want to rap this up.
Just look at the guy. I always laughed when he laughed.
Now for making my own boss. First of all, he would burn up all innocent looking small villages to prevent new heroes from showing up. Then he would pass up a law not allowing any weapons or armor sale in any place of the world. Next he would always kill his hostages(like an innocent-looking princess) because they'd later get his revenge on him by helping the hero. And MOST important of all, he'd never show up early in the game, because that'd mean he is just behind some bigger, stronger last boss. Also not having any family or relation to the hero helps. Or he could use the Krelian solution. (Which sucks)
Err that's it. Buh-bye!
Bye bye. It's been fun, but before I give you the topic, I have a humorous story and my final thoughts to give. First, the story. A few of my replies had subjects along the lines of "Bosses." I got one email with a subject of "be your own boss." I was a bit tired, so when I looked at it, I thought it was a reply at first. It turns out that it was spam. Heh. Well, next week topic is...
What about your final thought?
Oh. Yeah. Simply put, hardest for me: Palm O' Doom from Albert Odyssey: Legend of Eldean. Stupid hand had an attack that cast bad status ailments on everyone except Gryzz. Easiest for me: Probably the final boss from Grandia II. Heh. Spellbinding Eye was very helpful there. Funniest: I'll go with the crowd favorite and say Kefka. He is pretty funny. Okay. Topic's in, and it appears Lucca is hosting. The topic for next week is... "What romantic coupling would you have liked to see in an existing RPG, or what one do you think never should have happened?" Email Lucca at Ciddy's address. Man. A lot of people share that address. Well, I leave you with a reply from Brett Ultimus. I had to do some editing to make it fit right in HTML, but no content was lost.
Hey hey, Brett Ultimus here once more... ya know, when I hear the phrase "Hey, you can even make up your own *Insert blank here*, I just have to talk about my ol pride and joy, Sorcery Fighter!
Through out the game, you will encounter this same boss three times, and that is Octo... he's an octopus I created a LONG time ago when I first started Sorcery Fighter (then I played Final Fantasy 3 after he was created... and freaking mad off when I learned about Ultros... I am still mad about it... *grumble grumble*)...ANYWAYS. He comes in three forms....
Finally, one of the most challanging bosses
Example: If Master Octo is hit with electricity, he will turn into Electro Octo! His HP/MP/Stats remain the same. Only thing is that his weakness/resistance will change. Electricity, of course, is strong against electricity, so that will change.
Depending on the form, his spells consist of that element, Levels 1-4. The spells that remain at constant is... Mastering (Which raises all stats), Poison, Blind, Spike (A strong Physical attack), and Whiplash.
Here is a hint... if you attack him with a cure spell, yes, it will heal him, however, he will turn into "Shaman-Octo"... his heart feels pure, then he uses the purness to heal everyone on your team... but then, he turns back into Master-Octo. Unfortunatly, if you try this attack again, he will become "Shaman-Octo", but his heart isn't pure anymore... and he will just be using cure attacks to heal himself.. which could be trouble if he is going all the way from Cure 1-Cure 4. Hopefully, the explanation was good enough.
Then we have the Three Generals of the evil Sorceress, Shelley.
Zen (sided with Two Undead Warriors)
You meet Zen early on in the game after taking over a castle for Shelley (after the first boss failed horribly at it... I won't get into the story).
Next, are two generals you fight together, the lovely twins....
You meet these two in the Underwater Passage, which are transparent tubes that make up another suitable place to live underwater. Now, you fight these Generals around the time you fight Revengo-Octo... Now, the fact that there are two of them doesn't help the matters any... but you gain a new ally from the Undersea Tunnels, and if anyone remembers from the classes mailbag, that new ally is Sarabe.
WELL, I'd go on to explain the last boss, but I think you have heard enough already. Interested in the story/More boss information? Email me at email@example.com.
Thanks! Keep it up!
Quick! To the Obviousmobile! Na na na na na na na na na na! Captain Obvious!