RPG Classics Mailbag
... I'm beginning to hate our readers, aren't you Kagon?
Yes. Can we burn them?
Only if they don't send in Replies.
Does DG hate them too?
Yes, that's why he LEFT!
Yeah... And he left us with SG, which makes this Mailbag even worse. :/
Yeah really. I mean. HEY!
This seemed like such a good topic too... I'd say the readers messed up, but I'm not going to steal Cid's gimmick.
You'll steal it anyways.
... You're right.
I'll steal it! I'll steal it!
Sorry SG, you're too new to steal stuff.
Yeah well...YOUR FACE...is too new...to...Sh-SHUT UP!
SG r teh n00b.
Sorry SG, but no. Just no.
j0 1 4m t3H 1337 !
If this Mailbag doesn't have as many Replies, is it shorter?
No. We're poorly attempting to make up for the lack of replies with our banter.
Then let's get started. I don't trust this SG person...
Ooohh ooooooh can I pick the first message?
Yes, SG, you can.
Uh...uh...uhhhh, Xelo, I choose you! Uh...your letter that is.
Xelopheris didn't cast me, Garland? I, Garland, shall knock him down!
You'll get over it Garland.
Mel Gibson seems a little too smart to play Fighter, I think, but I guess 8 Bit Theater has made me biased. :P
Yeah... James Taylor as Tidus and Joe DiMagio as Wakka? Er... age problems there...
Kagon, they can play them in FFX Senior Citizen Version. :P
Point taken 984.
You know Square is going to release that version.
I'm a lover not a fighter. ...f'course, there ARE no lovers in Final Fantasy 1. So I uh, oh god, I've gone cross-eyed...
Less yappin', more, uh, hostin'!
You want to get the next Reply then, Energon?
Anything to get this over with as soon as possible.
Then go ahead.
Always a pleasure to work with you Energon.
I will kill you in your sleep, Kagon.
With what? A piece of paper?
OHH!!!!!! Are you gonna TAKE that, Energon?
... *Slashes Kagon with a piece of paper giving him a really nasty paper cut*
OHH!!!!!! Are you gonna TAKE that, Kagon?
Don't make me slash you, SG.
I mean. Yuck, you're bleeding.
Mudo! Get out here! *waits*
Energon, calm down. Get the Reply.
Mudo? Er... I guess not...
Fine... We have one from Igatona. Wacky Iga Ninja my as--
Fine... Shutting up...
Hey Kag, Dag, and Meg, this is Igatona. Here's a bag full of things I collected over my last 2 non-mailbag entries. It's mostly non-costly stuff, but heh, I tend to live in non-rich areas.
Kag and Meg? What about SAG!?!?!?
Sag makes no sense though, and no one loves you.
Well, they didn't know you would be here.
Dag doesn't make sense either! I dunno no staffers named DAGON GOD! It soundws like generic ice cream!
... You are SO screwed up.
Anyways, a movie that would be good and merchandisable would be Persona 2 : Eternal Punishment. As far as the cast would go, there are a few that I don't know who to place, like Maya Amano. But others are so blatantly obvious, you just have to put them in (I don't care if some of these are dead and or missing from the acting scene).
I really don't know what to say. Either of you play Persona 2?
Sadly, not yet.
But we love you because you replied!
I love caik. But uh.
In fact, because you replied, you get... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! (Copyright pending)
You can copyright nothing?
Hey, at least he got something, right?
No. He didn't.
Yes he did! He GOT absolutely nothing! Aren't you paying attention?
Kagon, with today's legal loopholes, I could copyright the name President of the United States then sue the US whenever it uses that title.
Well then... *adds that to the list of things he should do*
Sorry. I copyrighted that list. Gimme 5 bucks.
Er, how bout you get the next reply and call it even.
Fine. Well, next up is DJ Klempa, who got to update his Reply because he sent something in when we under 8 Replies. So, I guess he got something then.
Hmm, I think FF5 would make a good multi-part movie like LOTR is.
Hey... Sean Connery... I always thought he'd play a good Drachma for a Skies of Arcadia movie. Well, Patrick Stewart could do a good job too.
LOL, Sean Connery makes me laugh.
Haha! At last! The day is mine, Trebek!
The real Sean Connery or the Celebrity Jeopardy Sean Connery on SNL, SG?
Our next reply is from Rayman201.
I would do Legend of Dragoon for a movie. For my cast I would do the following:
That's a lot of hair dying going on.
The best PART of Legend of Dragoon was that the voice acting was so STUPID! That would RUIN the game!
Will they still say Arf when they get hurt?
Unfortunately, no...And that's why this movie should be BANNED!
In UK or Russia? :P
Russia. Definitely Russia.
And Dart won't say Toast when he hits people! They can't make this movie!!!! EVOR
Hmmm... Well, our last reply is a doozy, and it looks like Mudo should introduce it.
Meh, alright... stupid work...
Now you know how I feel...
This reply comes from Garret Martinez.
Okay, for my idea of a movie, it would have to be called DraQuies (like
Trekkies is to Star Trek as this movie is to the Dragon Quest series). It
starts off at the 2003 Space World convention, showing a preview of Dragon
Quest 8. However, lightning strikes the building, and a very familiar face
shows up--Maou Baramos, to be precise (played by Marlon Brando). After
blasting the building and terrorizing the people with Ionazun (Explodet)
spells and his fire breath, two lone survivors, Hiroshi (played by Jet Li)
and Naomi (played by Lucy Liu), decide, after much bickering, to form up a
fighting party to defeat Maou Baramos.
Wow... That was a good Reply. Know what it gets?
It gets.... THIS!
Oh yeah. Copyright pending on that seal too.
AHHH! I resent being played by John Goodman!
He obviously got John Goodman idea from Kagon.
At least he's not played by John Badman, right guys?
OH SWEET LORDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Falls to the ground in pain* THIS IS NOT FANTAS-GREAT!
*Just points and laughs*
He's in pain... Obviously.
Well, that was a short Mailbag.
Yeah, mainly because of the COMPLETE LACK of replies. What do you think SG?
Yeah. Write in or we send SG to your house to be your friend.
Well, at least you didn't get a whole lot of replies, right guys?
... Can we kill him yet?
Wait... we have to keep using him don't we?
Yeah. :/ Well, next Mailbag's topic is "If you were a big prisoner named Bubba, what would you do to Kagon?"
No, no it isn't. If you reply to that, you should be hurt. Badly,
Not as badly as Bubba would hurt you.
My mom doesn't like it. No, she really doesn't.
Fine. Should we just do the cliched Old School vs New Age topic, Kagon?
Eh, might as well. It's better than your topic. *glares at 984*
No. We shouldnt. I'm Kagon.
Er.. wha huh pht?
Okay. Since Kagon didn't like my original idea, we'll go with "Which do you prefer in general, Old School or New Age RPGs?" Surprisingly, the Mailbag has never done this idea before. Anyway, Kagon, give our readers the Official Mailbag Definition of Old School and New Age RPGs. Copyright Pending on that definition too.
Alrighties, your Old School RPGs are back on the good 'ol SNES and NES, classics such as the Dragon Warrior, Lufia, and Final Fantasy series pre-FF7. The New School are the ones on PSX or later, usually with 3d graphics, voice overs, etc.
Okay. There's our definition. Send in all Replies, and there better be more than 5 this time, to RPGC Mailbag Team. Good night everybody!
Hi guys. I'm Kagon. No, I really am. Do you believe me? Ok, good. Now that we've established that, I want you guys to send in mail for the REAL topic, about bubba and doing nasty things to me in prison. I expect a lot of fantastic replies. I'm Kagon, and I'm out.
AHHH! I hate you SG!