RPG Classics Mailbag
Well, anyway, we'd like to apologize for the long time it took to get this Mailbag under way. I mean, a good server does take priority over the Mailbag.
Well said, 984
Well, we DO have a special guest tonight. A frequenter of the chat, and she's ALMOST as cute as Kagon. Say hello, Cala.
No one is as cute as me. Ph33r.
Hi everyone! ^.^ It'sa me, the other other mailbag girl. ^.^
Rar. I know what you're implying.
ANOTHER person?! Geez... And I thought SG forcing himself into this group was bad enough with all the hosts and sidekicks...
Awwww, but she's too cute to eat.....
Who was the mailbag girl, and who was the other one before the other other one? I quit.
*Walks away and comes back in mere seconds.* Ok I decided to give you guys another chance.
Bully for us.
That's because you had no where else to go SG.
INCORRECT! So uh yeah. How about that mailbag?
So ... The topic is: Why SG stinks so much ... Er ... Really, it's 'What RPG do you think never should've been made?'
You gotcha, Cala.
And we have our first reply.... by our dear Sinistral
Beyond the Beyond is an RPG which should never have been made, and its creators hopefully have been shot and killed and their corpses disposed of in order to prevent the creation of a comparable monstrosity.
But...the game goes BEYOND that beyond! That's BEYOND...The ENTIRE BEYOND!!! Lordo!
Someone please save me from that monstrosity *gags*
Beyond the Beyond... I like the fact it gets acronymized as BtB, and we all know that that's an acid/base indicator, don't we guys and gal?
Yeah. I sure did. I'm not even lying. Not. EVEN.
Uh huh. Sure you aren't...
Yea. Right ... I payed attention in science class. Really.
Bah. You people need to be more edumacated, like me.
I'm edumacated. I'm teh bestest persin at englesh eva.
Well I can make bubbles with my spit! Look! *Spit bubbles!*
Wow SG, we're so proud of you.
I know! I'm a GOOD BOY! I am a good boy.
Speak for yourself, 984...... I'm the guy of the team who gets to go to college, so nyah :P
That's because you're older than everyone else, DG. Back to business though. And who better to straigten us out than Rirse?
Greeting mailbag, it me, Rirse DeBlood the forever dying maintainer of Twisted RPG Theatre here for another mailbag of funk! First thing first, Kagon, you should be the offical "Mailbag Girl" and SG rules. *hands him caik*
Grar Rirse. Just grar.
DUBOL FUJJ CAIK!!!!! WOOO
*Eyes Kagon and Cala*
I dunno... Kagon IS good looking...
But Cala... Well, she has the benefit of being a girl... Tough call.
Ohhhh Kaggy ^.~
Don't you worry, Kagon. I might be mailbag girl , so don't worry. ^.^
DG and Kagon sittin' in a tree...
Er uhm er ah yeah bye DG.
And caik ... MMMMMMMMM ... SG, make me some trypol dubol fujj caik, too, sometime soon, would ya?
Indeed! *Insert TRYPOL DUBOL FUJJ CAIK PIC*
Now, back to the Reply.
Anyways, my choice of worst game that shouldn't been made is...well Deadly Towers, a rather bland RPG for the NES that even so it been ten years since last playing it that it still haunts my mind for being crap. It also goes by other names as Crystal Towers I think, but ugh what crap. But for a more recent RPG I choice Quest 64 *hears SG crying* for being a simlar product as Deadly Towre, bland and boring. I mean you play a legendly hero...Brian!?! Yes Brian, that a name that strikes fear in the heart of man. Not like Cecil or Terra, but Brian. And he doesn't use a sword, instead a big stick. Yeah, he going to wack you villains, literaly. More can be said, but I must go for time is slowing down.
Deadly Towers....... *shudders*
Quest 64 ... *shudders*
*Sob sob* Brian is so scary though.
Quest 64 had bad controls ... Bad names ... Bad graphics ... No story ... Sucky plotline stuff.
Hey, I love dungeons that are a straight line too.
I'd be scared of a Brian if he was a big hulking man like the Hulk. But I have the feeling that Quest 64's Brian isn't the Hulk.
I thought it had good names , it had good graphics, and I never ever got lost. Besides that it was harder than most RPGs around. That isn't saying much though. :P
To be quite honest I had a lot of fun playing Quest 64. Which is more than I can say for 7TH SAGA! ARG
It was pathetically EASY.
AHHHHHH !!!!! Get it off !!! Get it off !!!!
Hey, 7th Saga was good. It had this thing called... challenge.
Brian had a STICK. A STICK, for cryin' out loud. 'Watch it, monster, or I'll whack you with my big stick!'
Deadly Towers + 7th Saga = BAD ><
It had the ev0l challenge loop of doom!
Deadly Towers + 7th Saga > Quest 64
Which means what SG?
Too weak, enemies kill you. To Strong, other apprectices DESTROY you.
Oh well. We all know the best N64 RPG was HM64. The best, EV0R!
All HM games rule their consoles. We know that to be a fact. *worships HM*
Right... anyways....... who's next ??
PsiOmega has the honor of being the next reply.
The one RPG I wish was never made is Final Fantasy VII. While I don't really like the game anyway, my main beef with it is that it introduced the concept to many uninitiated RPG players that pretty graphics make for a good game, something which has continued to taint the genre to this day. Pretty graphics are fine, so long as the team producing the game doesn't give other things the shaft like a good plot or sound battle mechanics just to make the water seem 2% more realistic. Yeah, yeah, Sephy-chan is cool I guess, but all he did was kill two people, one of whom this didn't really stop anyway. I also have other dislikes about the game, like the unnecessarily confusing and self-twisting plot and the fact that you can kill the final boss with one spell, but the one thing that makes me wish that it'd never been created is the way it set itself up as the standard for all RPGs to people who hadn't ever touched an RPG before. The only thing that FF7 had over any other game at the time was graphics, and that sadly seems to be what pleases the masses.
I uh ... Can't comment since I've never played it. ^.^
Ow ! Not FF7 *sobs*
Sounds absolutely mindnumbing.
FF7 wasn't bad. People just think it's bad cos it got non-hardcore fans into the scene. Which is like. Not bad at all.
Well, he does make a good point. FF7 DID bring all the graphics whores into the RPG genre, and that HAS hurt it in a way.
Not really though 984. There have still been many good games from Square, like Chrono Cross, Vagrant Story and the SaGa Frontier games.
Hey. Killing people always accounts for being evil.
Heh.... Seph was a decent villain
If you kill people, you are evil. Except for the heroes killing people in battles. Then they just get cooler and get cash and stuff.
Definitely the SaGa games.
And here comes the expected comment : The soundtrack is good, not GOOD GOOD, but GOOD. :P
Oooh oooh I'll pick the reply! I'll do it!
Eh... alright SG.
Dead81436, I summon thee!
My vote is for Septerra Core for the PC. It had a really great premise, and that made the game that followed even more of a tragedy. It was the most repetitive piece of garbage I have ever played.
Hmm.... I've never played septarra core, but about color swaps..... that ain't new, the Dragon Quest series has been using this gimmick... -_-
Sounds...bad...too bad...It sucks when things like that happen to games.
Well, DQ kinda had to do it...
Wow. Sounds absolutely mindnumbing.
Alright, our next reply comes from Stephanie Wong.
Which RPG I wish had never been made? The Holy Sword: The Ring. Never heard of it? Lucky you.
Well, the prince COULD be a midget... They're little.
What you say!!!
Someone has set up SG the bomb.
How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us.
One more Zero Wing reference and by Great Justice, you will be SO dead.
Ha ha ha, 984.
I wouldn't talk there 984.
Just you wait, SG... I'll have my day in the sun!
Right right. Anyways back to the mailbag. :P
Reason Two: Graphics. Now, it's not that ugly games are bad. But this is a game with FMVs, yet the character sprites are chibified 2D drawings. The backgrounds are chunky like you wouldn't believe. And, when you attack an enemy, it spouts a spray-paint style fountain of blood. Eeeew.
Chibified? d00d. Col. Chibified. Cool. I like it!
Hey, at least the enemies bleed. I mean, most RPGs don't like blood.
Chibiwibiwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yeah, at least they didn't pop into stars, like in Mario RPG. :P
Damn Nintendo and their "SAve the Children" policy
We need more Teen/Mature rated games.
Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!
Nah, they're overrated.
We do, 984. We do.
Yeah. Screw the children. Er... Not literally of course...
Tsk. Such a dirty mind, 984.
We know that 984's thinking of the children. :P
Woah woah woah, wrong song conquistador
Reason Three: Gameplay. It's nearly impossible to see where you're going in town because the camera moves, in a jerky but way to damn fast manner everytime you move the mouse and that damn spoony prince won't move unless you click on a square of land, and he moves at 1/10th of the speed of the camera and pieces of scenery get in the way. And the damn game is *jerky*.
So ... Is the camera stuff jerky? I couldn't pick it up, but I think that's what you meant.
Reason Four: Prince Gilbert. Nothing really, it's just that I've got something against princes named Gilbert. They're always SPOONY.
*Holds up a spoon*
*steals the spoon and eats some pudding*
Mmmm.... Pudding :P
Hey! Gilbert was useful! If you want to hide that is.
We all know that all spoony stuff is a rip-off from Edward, the only true spoony one out there.
Gilbert killed people by playing bad songs. This is the truth.
Indeed it is SG.
Bad songs? Like pop stars?
Kinda. Only there weren't pop songs back in the day.
Now we got a Reply from Cody Lockwood.
Clockwood here again. This time my little friends are a little better. Meet my buddy, Maduu!!! It should liven up this party.
Well, booga booga booga to yourself :P
Now back to the matter at hand. The one rpg in the entire world that I absolutly detest was Earthbound. It had miserable graphics, no character development, and lots of weird stuff. For goodness sake, weapons include slingshots and baseball bats. One status ailment is to have mushrooms grow out of your head.
Earthbound.... I spit upon you!!!
Heeeeey... Earthbound was great. The game was also a JOKE which explains the goofy enemies, status effects, and weapons. The graphics were also meant to be bad.
Why does Clockwood try to kill us? Why? Why why why?
He's trying to kill me so he can take over the world.
Because we killed his rollyball things, remember SG?
Yeah, because he tried to KILL us with them!
I wanna use a baseball bat as a weapon... *Grabs a baseball weapon and hits Energon in the back of the head*
That's gotta hurt
OW! *Falls to the ground in a sickening thud*
Guess we don't have to worry about him for the rest of this Mailbag.
Hey Cody, no dissing slingshots. Slingshots r0x0rz. *pegs 984 in the back of the head with her rock flung from a slingshot*
*Rubs the back of his head* Stupid Cala...
Don't make me do worse, 984.
Ok kids. Pipe down.
Allrighty.... now let's hear it for DomaDragon, a regular on our boards :)
He's a regular?
Umm... I guess :P
70 posts isn't regular =P
Well it isn't irregular! PLAH!!!
Well, it's been a few months since I last wrote, but that is mostly because I had nothing to say about the topics. But since this week's entry is rather interesting to say the least, I shall do my best to respond.
Hey. Why does everyone hate FFMQ? FFMQ r0x0rz!
Yeah, and at the very least, FFMQ had nice music.
Because they all secretly know that FFMQ is really superior to their favorite RPGs. Such as RS3.
Hey, FFMQ has a terrific rock soundtrack, go Sasai & Kawakami ! :D
Sorry 984. Romancing SaGa 3 owns all SNES RPGs' faces.
So my choice for "RPG that I wish was never made" goes to the horror that is The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang. This had wretched characterization of the people in this game and gameplay that wouldn't have been good if you plunked a little elven boy in it. It wasn't worth the time I took to play it, beat it, and then slam the cart repeatedly with a ten pound sledgehammer (literally... I can send you a shard if you're interested).
Twisted Tales of Spike McFang ??? You gotta be kidding, from what I've played, it r0x0rz
I've been meaning to play that game for a long time now.
Yeah, but it doesn't seem to get a sterling review from Doma.
Hey... I want a shard of a SNES cartridge just so I can reply to "What has the Mailbag ever done for you?" by saying I got a SNES cartridge off of it.
I'd like a shard. Preferably sharp. No particular reason. *evil grin*
Yep yep. Sure is a pity. But uh, let's get that next letter.
Our next reply comes from MegamanX2K.
Truthfully? I know I'm gonna offend a lot of people but I have to say...Earthbound.
I'm not offended.
Nor am I.
I'm not offended, but I like Earthbound.
First off, I don't like the idea of someone else parodying Dragon Warrior. If anyone should do that, it would be Enix themselves. THEY would be able to do it right. Look at Parodius, e.g.
Hmm ... I say we kill X just 'cause he said not to. All in favor, say AYE!
Nay. He's a good Mailbag Replier, and we need more of those.
Yeah, he should live.
Live??? Er damn. i lost.
Well, maybe later. *puts away Rusty Knife (TM)*
You've been lost.
While SG's trying to find himself, let's look at Helen's Reply.
Well, after managing to tear free from my desire to kill a certain unnamed
red-haired Emperor (and if you've played Fire Emblem 4, you'll KNOW who I'm
talking about.) long enough to remember to respond to this thing, I have a
very.... unimportant-ish thing to say about the last questionairre. There
were two reasons why I didn't respond to the original question (about Bubba
and Kagon and prison) -
Yeah that whole thing's just ungood, and I hate 984. A lot.
Heh. I really want to see a topic on that.
Kagon, sure you don't hate Bubba more?
Oh, I hate you and Bubba equally.
Now, I am going to make you all groan and want to flame me by answering
with my obvious answer - Final Fantasy 7. Sure, it deserves SOME credit of
making RPGs more popular - but that's not always a good thing, as rabid
fanboys (and fangirls, let's not be sexist here) that think FF7 is the best
game EVER have taught us.
Well anyways I've already said what I had to say about FF7. And I don't think it's a bad game. Just far from the best.
Umm.. go SaGa series !!! Woo ! :D
Yeah... I doubt two members of the SaGa Team hate SaGa...
I love SaGa... and Helen is automatically my friend. Oh, wow.
Yeah, SG and I love you now Helen.
I love SaGa too, go Ito & Hamauzu :D
In the way a man loves a woman, or the way a man loves a fine Cuban cigar?
Our next reply is from Shadow Lurker!
To the C-R-A-Z-Y Mailbag people,
Kill Quest 64! KILL! KILL! *smashes cartridge to pieces*
So. Much. Words. ERROR....ERROR!!!! *Shuts down*
Hey, ANOTHER person that dislikes Quest 64... It seems it and EB are the crowd not-so favorites.
And here we go, Leimrey... uh yeah
Lime Ray! Woo!
Pokemon Yellow Gold Silver and Crystal.
Agreed. Of course now they've screwed that up with GBA so :P
What's wrong with Nintendo making money? It's proven to be a successful franchise, and Nintendo IS a business. Geez... I'm beginning to think all gamers are Communists when they complain about businesses wanting to make money...
I didn't say there was a problem. I just said what Leimrey said was true.
As a person who has played the games, they're not that bad. They keep it going to get more MONEY. With that cash, they make new (and hopefully better) games.
Pfeh. I still think most gamers are Commies.
Call me a Commie and die.
I said most. Not all. Most.
I know. But if you put me in the 95% category, you die. A painful death.
Anyway, Kagon has to leave now. Apparently Mudo made a mess in the bathroom, and Kagon has to clean it up.
*waves to Kagon*
And don't come out until it's squeaky clean Kagon! RARARR
And when you're done, clean mine, too. And stuff. Yea. SG, make me some more caik when we get done with this, would ya be a darling? Tankee. ^.^ *hugs SG*
Oh Cala...I'd do anyuthing for you...cept for the things I wouldn't do. :D
While he's gone, we'll let Anonymous give us his opinion. Because that's what makes this Mailbag great. People. And opinions.
Yo everyone, Dark Moogle here (applase) and the RPG that I hate the most is Tactics Ogre(all of em, but mostly the SNES one) it's just damn boring to wait for the little gye to move around going to town, watching a dumb battle, then walking into the town and liberating it, then doing it again. You barely play it at all. The worst non-RPG and worst game ever would be Ronald Mcdonald's adventure(or something like that).When i played it and got to the last level when i was little, and there was nowhere left to go, so I had to turn it off with out any saving method.(curse you Ronald). That's my opinion, so value it well.
Short. But Tactic Ogre r0x0rz. How can you say it sucks? :(
I don't like Tactics Ogre because getting strong enough to survive is very slow. But as much as I hate to admit it, it is a good game.
I was bored by it. As for Ronald McDonald, it's a McDonalds game. What do you expect? That's like asking for a rivetting story from a Barney game. Sheesh...
Don't rant on a game that was made to be ranted on. We all know it bites without it having to be said.
I always thought that a cool game would be Ronald McDonald's action kung fu. Could you imagine?
That WOULD be cool...
He could fight the purple guy, and the Hamburglar, and the bird...
I mean, he could throw fries instead of ninja stars! How cool is that?
And those Fry Guys could be like Goombas!
tuh, I had the idea since I was four so :P
The game idea was based of Jackie Chan's action kung fu on the NES 984. :P
Well bully for it, SG. I thought of it as a Mario mixed with Street Fighter game. :P
Anyway ... On to our next reply, which is from ... *dramatic pause x3* PS2 Princess.
okay,first off,DONT EVVVVEEER CALL ME A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS AGAIN SG! OR ELSE THIS!::pulls out a HUGE RAY GUN AND SHOOOTS 8 RAYS AT SG!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH::gasp!::AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!:: :::drops ray gun on foot:: OW! SON OF A MONKEYS ICE CREAM SHORTS!.......eh-hem....::hides ray gun and smiles innocently::
Ok..... she still scares me Oo
Heh. Remind me to stay on your good side, PS2P.
...Er...ouch...but...mommy...said...girls liked to be told they're pretty? yeah ouch...sorry...I think I'm gonna do clean up now. *Heads off to the bathroom*
The same one Mudo messed up, SG?
*From the bathroom* Yes indeed!
Say hi to Kagon for me!
*From the bathroom* Yes indeed! Again!
well, since im in a yelling and ranting mood,which rpg do i REALLLLYYY HATE,ABOR AND WISH TO BLOW UP SO IT WOULD NEVER SEE THE RAYS OF SUN AGAIN!?!?!?!?..............wait a minute..,lemme tap into my brain,i forgot.........tapping.............tapping........nope................uh-uh... ......nada.......oh.......here it IS!
So basically, your main beef with the game is the graphics? That's kind of, uh, shallow.
I wonder ... Which came first: Thousand Arms or Thousand Isles (salad dressing, for you ignorami). And did they rip off the other one?
*Back from the bathroom* Well now the sink's a mess. I don't think Kagon will be done til like wednesday. Tuh, sucks for him. Our next reply comes from Aiemond's Corpse.
Too bad Aiemond never replied.
Ahh,I decided I could take a break from searching for my corpse in everquest
(Note: After being Ported, remember to get a bind before you go to
somewhere dangerous. Save alot of time) and comment on this weeks mailbag.
He dissed SG ... Oooooooh ...
Tuh! I merely feign my stupidity. You'd be quite surprised. Besides, I have better things to do than argue with a dead body so Hmph. Even though I agree about everything you said about the game. :P
Kagon = SG? Psh. And what is this cake? Is it like caik? Is it tasty?
It's a cheap ripoff.
Kinda like Fruity-Os.
*Wakes up* Ugh... Mailbag done yet?
Almost. Just need to introduce Doc...
I thought you were gone? Not yet. Introduce the next one.
*Grabs the letter* Next up is Doc Shinryuu! Read, laugh, and I am outta here! *Runs away*
Dammit. I was gonna knock him out.
That boy definitely needs less sugar...
*A Plot Hole opens up in the celing of the Mailbag. As you wonder what
it's doing there, Doc Shinryuu bursts up through the floor. He dusts himself
off, muttering something about Reverse Physics, and faces the hosts.* Hello,
Mailbag inhabitants. Doc Shinryuu here. *EXTRAVAGANT FANFARE!!!* OK, that was
a bit too loud.
*Kicks the grenade towards Cala, Hackey Sack style!*
*steals the caik-shaped grenade and eats it* So ... Yeah. EB is bad ...
Okay. So, EB was the most despised RPG followed by Quest 64. Sounds about right.
Next reply! Which is from ... JIHARN!
Ok, I've got a serious answer this time! Don't worry!
Duck Hunt r0x0rz.
Oh! I hate those ducks too! And that DOG! Always laughing at me! I wanna shoot him!
And that dog is cute!
I actually want to make a game where you shoot flying dogs rather than ducks, and if you miss, the duck laughs.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DAMN DOGGIE!!! *Finds his duck hunt and throws it into oncoming traffic!*
Well, Cala has to leave. Say bye bye to Cala. She won't be here next time.
She won't ??? -_- Bye sweets
Nope. She was a treat to our readers because of the long delay.
What a nice treat too... :DDDDDDDDDDDD
You liked her just because she had two X chromosomes.
That had minimal part in it 984!
Hmmmm... onward to the final reply
Lay off the Kahluas, man. We're done.
*Holds glass* Awwwww Youuuuuuuu SG...... you're ..... my hero ! Uh he he he he he
That's cool right DG?
Yeah...... the midis....... there's like *burp* cool
Well, almost done. We still need a topic... Oh! I got it! We all know FF1 was ported to the Wonderswan with some changes to it, and the same thing's happening to Skies of Arcadia for the GC. Well, in light of those facts, our topic for the next Mailbag is "Which RPGs would you like to see be remade for the newer consoles while still staying true to their roots, and how would you like to see them be remade?" Send all replies to us. I mean, if you don't, we can't read them.
*passes out* Burp !
:O Well Ithink DG's cool with that 984.
And now, DG is piss drunk again. SG, you better get DG's little country to carry him off.
Nah, I'm gonna leave early. I have to uh...do something important that I have yet to think of. *Runs off*
... Damn that musician... Okay, Evil DG, and the rest of you, carry your master away, now!
Yuck, he stinks !!
Oh stop complaining
Yum ! Hey, this tastes great !
Lesson #1 kiddies, don't bring DG near Kahlua. Um yeah.
Well, that's that. *Leaves and turns off the lights*
Whoo... Finally finished the bathroom... Stupid Mudo...
Hey! It's not my URP! *Runs back into the bathroom holding his mouth*