RPG Classics Mailbag
What, never? No, never. What, never? Hardly ever!
What are you babbling about?
He's finally lost it.
Oh. Just talking about sailing the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty. Also, we're sober men and true, and attentive to our duty.
Grah, not the Pinafore...
Yep. You betcha. It's a musical Mailbag, and what better way to start a musical Mailbag than with a musical?
Not starting the Mailbag at all?
I do believe for once, Energon has a point.
Valid as a point it may be, his is not to reason why. His is but to do and die.
Isn't it "do or die"?
Not once I'm done with ya.
Ah, I can feel the love in the air.
Love is in the air... Something something... Don't know the words to that song...
Can you feel the loooove tonight... tonight... uh... anyways.
Yes. Anyways, it's a musical Mailbag, but no more singing from us... Yet. And as a special treat, Kagon has a new person to introduce to us. Kagon?
Oh yeah, well, I'm finally letting the guy who responds to all my emails and does all my work out of his cage for a while. Slalin, come here for a second.
Goody. Another sidekick that I, Garland, shall knock down.
Ow... *Body twitches*
*Laughs at Garland*
I should have warned you, he's a bit... hungry.
Hungry, eh? That's a good little slime...
*stares at 984 hungrily*
Hey. Calm down, boy. If you want to eat someone, eat, uh, Energon.
He doesn't look tasty...
Eh, Slalin, we'll worry about food later, just nab the first reply.
First response... Igatona.
Hey Kagon! Hey DG! Hmm...
[space] [space] [space] 984
[space] [space] [space] to you too, Iga.
Well, I don't know musicals, but I'd probably write one with the River City Ransom plot, at least, the way it was originally intended to be played out.
But since nobody wants to translate Downtown Nekketsu Monogatari, we'll never know.
Anyway, each time there'd be a battle, instead of hitting each other, they'd sing a song on how their cause is just or how they're making money or they have no choice to do it. It would be so cool, rake in millions, last for 30 years at Broadway and a lot of things.
Yes, I sure did mess up.
Compared to some of the other stuff we got, you didn't mess up at all.
I get the feeling he's referencing Cats, one of the weirdest musicals ever.
And singing songs to hurt people? Didn't they learn anything from FF4? Edwards don't work!
Sure they do, they're nice decoys.
Not if they're hiding.
Speaking of hiding, DG's hiding in the shadows to kill us all.
*Flies in* Grahhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn you, Nichart !!!!! >< *Throws GBA out the window* What did I just do ? D'oh ! ><
Mmmmkay. Hi to you too.
Always the pleasant greeting.
Foooood... *mauls DG*
Huh ? Who's this ???? *whistles* Evil DG !! Lunch is here !! Come and get it !!
Slalin. He's hungry.
You called ???? *looks at Slime* Ew !! >< No way I'm eating that !!
Heh, guess what, Slalin, it's your lucky day then :P
Might be Evil DG's lucky day considering this little guy's feisty nature. *Pets Slalin then almost gets his hand bit off*
Anyways.. sorry guys...... Blame TOG, not me ><
Yeah uh, maybe I should let him out more often.
I'd rather blame Fred Willard, but that's a different matter entirely. Now, onward ho! Three little maids from school are we!
Ok..... lemme reach in the ol' 'bag here... Woo ! A reply by Indogutsu !! 8D The floor's yours, man ^^
A musical based on Squaresoft's "Live A Live" would be fairly easy to write. It would have nine acts, each with a Weird Al Yankovic-esque song parody and a dance number with period costumes. The acts would revolve around one of the main characters, except for the ninth act, which would explain how the eight previous ones are related. I already completed Cube (the robot)'s song, and have ideas for Oboro (the ninja) and Akira (the giant robot anime hero) as you can see below.
Oboro's song (parody of "Mr. Roboto" by Styx)
A hundred men I slayed
I'm just a ninja
Japan is alive!
Akira's Song (parody of "Jockey Full of Bourbon" by Tom Waits)
In the not-too-distant future age
A gang of motorcycle-riding thieves
Mind-reader man, run away home
Cube's Song (parody of "Coffee Connection" by Skavoovie and the Epitones)
Cogito Ergo Sum
I couldn't change a thing
Of fate, it's an ironic twist
I make coffee
Who knew a harmless trip
The incident has left us vexed
I make coffee
The culprit spoke out
Its cathodes crashed
Well, you can take your dark
I make coffee
FOCLMAO !!!!!!!! 8D Those are too hilarious !!!! Great job 8D I like, I like ^^
Fell off chair, laughing my ass off :P
*Gets back up from laughing and wipes tears* Ahem......
Hmm... Clever. Nice changing of lyrics. Well, next up doesn't quite change lyrics, but that doesn't matter, now does it richard H. schurz?
I don't normally send in but this one is to good to resist, be forewarned I've been very tired lately and didn't get any sleep last night.
It's time for the Wizard of Oz, Edward starring as the Cowardly Lion thanks to that great hide command. Robo as the Tin Man, Fighter (FF1) as the Scarecrow (if I only had a brain...). The Wizard of Oz can be Dr. Light (yeah yeah I know only RPGs, but Megaman Legends was an RPG and someone had to have built Megaman) The Wicked Witch of the West? Naturally only the most evil creatures on the planet could fill her shoes if the heros are RPG characters so it's the... TELETUBBIES (I don't know if there's an RPG with them in it but the thought scares me) and finally, the natural choise for Dorathy is... Dr. Wily!!! No really it's Roll, she fits the Role (no pun intended) perfectly. Just imagine what it would be like 'Scarecrow "I like swords" Tinman "beep, swooord sword swordity sword sword" Cowardly Lion "I don't care if it is a musical STOP IT! Your driving me MAD (manical laughter)"
I gotta cut this short, bus.
Ok ok...... Teletubbies ????? O_o *shudders* No.... I can't imagine that.
Heh, even thinking of Dr. Wily as Dorathy is just... uuuughh.
Umm.. No, just No :P
Heh. Nice. Oh, and did you know that if you play the ST from Skies of Arcadia, it does not match up at all with The Wizard of Oz? It's freaky, man.
You, 984, are freaking me out.
Yeah, well, all in a day's work.
984, it's ok, they have groups for this.
Hey DG, look what I found *Holds GBA*
O_o In one piece ?!
*plays GBA* Umm.... DG...... your files are... ummmm... gone !
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ><
That's what you get for losing your temper !
Haw. Serves you right.
For once I agree with green boy over there.
*walks up and grabs the GBA and eats it* Crunchy.
I had a level 40 Alphonse ;_; He was INVINCIBLE !! *cries*
He obviously wasn't invincible from deletion.
Or from Slalin's hunger.
Right..... D'oh !
Anyways, 984, why don't you get the next reply.
Okay. Up next is... BahamutXero.
I'll get you, you little Slime....... just you wait !
*bears his fangs*
BahamutXero here. "Put an existing RPG into a musical", hmmmm. Well, I think FFVI can be made into a musical by itself. Every character can have a solo when introduced. Terra can do a song about not being able to feel love. Locke and Celes can do I love song together. Celes's solo in the opera would look good with proffesional doing it. I have the uncanny ability of remembering her whole song in the opera and can recite it in one breath :). Ready?
"Oh my hereo, so far away now, will I ever see your smile? Love goes away like night into day, its just a fading dream. Must I forget you, our solemn promise? Will autumn take the place of spring? What shall I do? I'm lost without you. Speak to me once more. I must part now. My life goes on, but my heart will never give you up. Ere I walk away, I won't age a day. I will love you always."
Ok that was kinda dumb, it's just that I think it's pretty catchy and it would be cool to see in a musical.
Ok..... Xero, you have TOO much free time ! I couldn't remember the entire score Oo
Quite impressive. I've really enjoyed the opera scene- I think it'd work out nicely as a musical.
It would indeed
Speaking of opera scenes... Tenchimaru Draconis is up.
TD here, finally getting of his lazy arse to send in a mailbag reply. Woo. Allright then:
Male Lead: Drago
Female Lead: Maria
*insert ff6 opera sequence*
Yeah, I know that was cheap. I'm lazy, remember? Well, I'm gone.
*Blinks* Boy, that's lazy :P
Damn you TD. Damn you for your loophole abuse!
Do we put the sticker ?
Yes. Oh god yes.
Ha ha ha !!! You messed up ^.~
Is it just me or is Beru slowly becoming an Eden ?
What's an Eden ?
An Eden's an adrogynous creature that lurks in the shadows of RPGC's chat room.
Yes, very... remember...... the Teddy Bear ?
NO NOT THE TEDDY BEAR AHHHHH!
Who gets the final reply ?
Kag, you get it, Mr. Scaredypants.
Alright, and our last and largest reply, is from Doma Dragoon.
Ladies, gentlemen, deities of a draconic nature, robots and... um, whatever SG is, let me introduce you to the musical which received rave reviews in no less than zero major newspapers! Prepare yourself for the vomit-inducing extravaganza known as "Call Me a Treasure Hunter!"
Now would be a good time to note that anything in parentheses are not sung, but are instead either spoken or stage directions. Also note that I have no musical talent, so pretend the songs are all right, OK?
Wow. This is long so far. I really don't want to sit through this.
I could kill you.
Bring it on, fat boy.
Fat boy?! Why I never! Hmmph! Well, Energon... Any last requests?
Well, there is one, but... Nah.
No, go on.
Well, you have such a beautiful voice.
Guilty as charged.
Uh huh. Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of "Call Me a Treasure Hunter!"
Very well, Energon. I shall send you to heaven before I send you to hell.
(Our scene opens up in the slums of Midgar. A small group of poorer class citizens, led by the master "treasure hunter" Locke Cole, are going about their daily business. For Locke, life the past few weeks has been especially harsh, and he's starting to lose hope for the future. Cue song: "Skid Row" from Little Shop of Horrors)
Kain: Alarm goes off at seven
Squall: Downtown, where the folks are broke.
Dekar: Yes, you go
Squall: Uptown you cater to a million jerks.
Crono: Uptown you cater to a million whores.
Aerith: Downtown, where the guys are drips.
All: Down on skid row, down on skid row
Locke: Poor! All my life I've always been poor.
(The cast shuffles off stage as a few nobles make their way on stage. They don't seem very happy to be here, but this is the only place where eccentric millionaire Setzer Gabianni will meet them. Looking at the filth, they become smug in their possessions or some other "materialistic is bad" type message thing. Cue song: "It's Good to Be Rich", imperialistic tone)
Nadia: There are some who are content
CHORUS: It's good to be rich
Taloon: There are some who make do
Gobi: Such a dirty place
(Locke bumps into Gobi "accidentally")
(Taloon calms Gobi down by handing him a wad of money. Gobi coos.)
(A few minutes go by while Taloon and Nadia explain the scene and why they're there. They make passing reference to Gobi's upcoming marriage to Setzer's daughter, Celes. Suddenly, Gobi realizes that his money purse is gone. Cue song: "Stop, Thief!" - frantic pace)
Gobi: My pouch!
(Locke: Treasure Hunter!)
(Locke, Squall, Kain: Treasure Hunter!)
(All except Cecil and Gobi: Treasure Hunter!)
(Locke leads Cecil, Captain of the Midgar Militia, on a merry trek through the stage. It's entertaining. I wish you could see it. Oh well. Anyway, Locke finds himself under the windowsill of a very beautiful woman. You guessed it - Celes. Cue song: "My Heart's Been Stolen" - romantic ballad)
Locke: Ten minutes ago, I was perfectly fine,
(Cecil arrives and drags Locke off. Celes notices him, and seems to be in awe. Realistic? No. But who cares? Scene change to the Midgar Pit o' Despair, the holding cells for captured thieves. Locke laments his state for a few minutes - after trying unsuccessfully to pick the cell's lock - before a wall opens up. Out steps Yuffie, who leads Locke to a magical place where all dreams come true. He's met by Karn.
Locke: Who are you? How did I get here?
Karn: Those questions shall be answered in time. Just know that you're safe here.
Locke: But where's here?
Cue song: "The Thieves' Guild" - show-stopper)
Yuffie: Up in the streets we're chased and hunted down,
Bow: I see the beggars chase me down and try to kill me
Karn: So the thieving community gathers here
(Locke: What are you saying?)
Yuffie: For a while we've been watching, concealed in the shadows.
Bow: For you see, we had to be absolutely assured.
Karn: Your fine reputation, for doing the best work.
Yuffie: Your skills, they're just as good as we heard.
Bow: You're a foundation on which we would like to build.
Karn: To make this story short, we want you to join us in the Thieves' Guild.
(Locke: But I'm a treasure hunter!
Yuffie: Sure, and I'm the Queen of Coneria.
Bow: (bowing) Your Majesty!)
Karn: It's not like we're asking for you to kill.
(Locke: A teacher?!
Karn: Think of it - Locke Cole's School of Hard Knocks, Soft Feet, and Sticky Fingers! The greatest thieving academy in the known worlds!
Locke: But I'm...
Bow: We know, we know. Will you do it?
Locke: ...why not?
Yuffie: Great! Now we just need the boss' OK.
Locke: The boss?)
(Meanwhile, above the sprawling alleyways of the slums, the most influential man in all of Midgar is wringing his hands. Completely flustered, Setzer is waiting for the bride to be prepared for her wedding. Cue song - "Wedding Bells Are Ringing")
Setzer: So excited, I've got no time to spare
CHORUS: Wedding bells are ringing
Setzer: I worried that I'd die before this day
Setzer: Have to prep the ushers
(Setzer finishes with a flourish, only to have one of his servants - Kain - inform him that Celes is missing! (All right, who didn't see that one coming?) Setzer instantly believes that she's been kidnapped, and goes in search of someone who's able to find her...
(END OF DISK ONE. PLEASE INSERT DISK TWO.)
(DISK TWO INSERTED. HUZZAH.
We open to find Setzer wandering through the slums of Midgar. It's obvious that he knows his way around. Although the music from "Skid Row" is playing, there's no singing. Setzer arrives at a non-descript door and knocks three times. The door opens and he enters. Meanwhile, Locke's been teaching the others the basics of sneaking around. Setzer enters.
Karn: It's the Boss!
Setzer: I need your help.
Bow: After all the times you helped us out? No problem!
Locke: You mean that your boss is the world's richest gambler? Strangely, that makes sense.
Setzer: My daughter's gone. I need someone to find her.
Yuffie: Are you sure she didn't run away?
Setzer: Why would she? She was about to be married to the great merchant Gobi!
Yuffie, Bow, Karn, Locke: She ran away.
Setzer: In any case, I need a brave volunteer to return her safely. I'll offer any reward at all.
Locke: To save a damsel in distress? I'm in!
Setzer: Great! Here's her picture!
Locke looks at the picture and is shocked. Instantly, he rushes out to search. Cue song: "A Hero I Shall Be")
Locke: I thought that my life would be boring
(people on stage glare at Locke.
Locke: What? Old habits die hard.)
(Meanwhile, Celes is searching around for someone, but gets ambushed by pirates. That's all I have to say about that. The pirates arrive at their ship, the "Spoony Bard". Cue song: "The Pirate Song" from The Curse of Monkey Island)
Faris :We're a band of vicious pirates,
Guybrush : Come on men! We've got to get going before they follow us!
Vyse: The pirate will be done for when he falls into our trap!
Guybrush : Let's go defeat that evil pirate!
Bikke: We know he's sure to lose cos' we know just where to fire at!
Guybrush: All right crew, lets get to work!
Vyse : Our vacation is a thing we love, a thing we'd never shirk!
Guybrush : They'll be more than you could stand...
Faris : The battle will be long but our courage we will prove!
Guybrush : Less singing! more sailing!
Bikke: When we defeat our wicked foe, his ship he will be bailing!
Guybrush : I'm getting so sick of you guys and your rhyming.
Faris: We're ready to set sail, though the cannons need a-priming.
Guybrush : STOP! STOP! STOP!
Bikke: The brass is what we'll polish and the deck is what we'll mop
Guybrush : You say you're nasty pirates...
Guybrush : We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange
Pirates : And....! .....Um.... ....Err... Door-Hinge?
Guybrush : Gee! I guess I feel a little guilty now...
(We cut to Celes, who's trapped below decks. Cue reprise: "My Heart's Been Stolen")
Celes: If I close my eyes, I can see him standing there.
(Back up decks, Locke arrives as the pirates prepare to cast off. He challenges Captain Guybrush to a duel. Of course, it's insult fighting! And Celes is watching her hero battle!
Guybrush: You fight like a dairy farmer!
Locke: Um... right.
Guybrush: You make me want to puke.
Locke: Aren't we supposed to be fighting or something?
Faris: That is his idea of fighting. You have to insult him back and trump his insults.
Guybrush: People fall at my feet when they see me coming!
Locke: Even before they smell your breath?
Guybrush: There are no clever moves that can help you now!
Locke: Yes there are. You just never learned them.
Celes: You can do it! I have faith in you!
Guybrush: Ridiculous! You sound like a chapter from a self-help book!
Locke: Wait a minute, you're not Guybrush Threepwood!
Guybrush: Uh oh...
Locke: You're Kefka!
Kefka: Curses! Foiled again!
And with that, Kefka escapes off into the sunset. Locke and Celes are married, and they and the pirate crew set out for adventure. Cue finale - "Call Me A Treasure Hunter")
Locke: You can say that I pilfer, claim that I purloin,
Locke: There are some who ransack, with no care for the effects.
(Locke: While I conveniently arrive to liberate their ill-gotten goods, of course.)
Curtain call. Silence. The end.
Wow. That was good. In fact, that deserves The Official 984 Seal of Approval! Even moreso because it included Vyse, but that's beside the point.
W00t ! Good show, I must say ! :)
Hum........ we're not through yet, are we ???
Yep. That's it, but it's good to finish on such a high note, no pun intended.
Right ^^ So, the next topic is ????
Oh. Right. That would help. Well... Hmm... Oh! I got it! As we all know, games like Shenmue make use of a unique style of gameplay for RPGs. Now, we were wondering, what are your favorite RPGs in terms of uniqueness, whether it be gameplay, story, characters, etc. Send them to the usual place.
*Picks up GBA and starts playing TOG from scratch* Sigh... Why did I throw it out the window ? ;_;
To see time fly? Wait... Wrong joke.
Cuz you're an idiot !
Hey ! Slalin !! You can have Evil DG for lunch if you want...
Noooo !!!! Stay away from me !!!!
And we were all chased out of the Mailbag by the vicious slime, Slalin. The end.
...Are the Teddy Bears gone yet? They want to eat me... eat me I tell you... Can't sleep or they'll eat my brains...