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‘Twas the Night Before Crab Day

Written by The 984

Parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Crab Day, when all across the site,
Not a Staffer was stirring, not even Cryptoniyte.
The forum was empty, no need to be cared,
In hopes that Crabby the Crab soon would be there.

The forum-goers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of crab cakes danced in their heads.
TD in his pants, and I in my hat,
Had just settled down for a long night’s chat.

When out of the house there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the computer to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, threw open the sash.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature crab and eight tiny crabdeer.
With some little old pinchers, alive with reflex,
I knew it must be sapidus, Callinectes.

More rapid than lobsters his minions they came,
And he pinched, and scuttled, and crab-noised them by name:
“Now Shame-Face, now Arrow, now Fiddler, now Blue Leg,
On Em’rald, on Spider, on Hermit, and Red Leg.”

To the beach side, they ran, across the atoll,
Dash away, dash away, dash away all.
So to the wave crests the small crabs they flew,
With their pinchers full of joy, and Crabby the Crab too.

And then in a scuttling, I heard on the dunes,
All the scampering noise of these scurrying maroons.
The carapace made of chitin and cuticle,
His body was all tough due to the epicuticle.

I ran to the beach and was looking around,
When up from a crab hole he came with a bound.
A tough exoskeleton made up his back,
And he looked like a monster looking for his snack.

His eyes, how compound, his claws, how merry.
His legs like straws, his shell red as a cherry.
His maxillpeds were lowered in a frown,
The chela ready to make such a sound.

To his shell he held tight with his fifth legs,
And his gonoduct ready for the eggs.
Oh he was so crabby and hard, a bright red shell,
And I drooled when I saw him, if I do tell.

He had a round shell, and a little round pincer,
That he shook, thanks to his antennae sensor.
By the size of shell and length of his head,
I knew all the while I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
He pinched all my toes; then turned with a jerk
And laying a claw on the side of my hand,
And giving a pinch, down the beach he ran.

He scuttled to his home, and his minions did abide,
And away they scampered, down the Oceanside.
But I heard him exclaim as he side-stepped out of sight,
“Happy Crab Day to all, and to all a good night.”       


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