RPG Classics Mailbag

Previous Mailbags

Hmm... Hello? ... Hello?

I don't think anyone's here.

Obviously.

Hrm. Where could they... Oh! Right. Kagon's on a break.

He is?

Yeah.

Excellent... And that garbage guy?

Probably making midis. Or playing Breath of Fire.

So, no go on the Mailbag then, eh?

Nope.

Nope?

Nope. We're doing it without them.

...

Best of all, we'll probably be doing the next few without them too.

...

Energon is obviously mad.

...

Now what was that topic... Oh. Right. RPG Character lookalikes.

Lookalikes? Who chose that topic?

Not me, that's for sure. Anyway, up first is GGCrono.

Hoi, chummers! GG Crono 4 is back again for another action-packed, fun-filled mailbag response!
(NOTE:GG's response is not in any way guarntied to be fun-filled and/or action-packed.)
Now, when you say "resembles", do you mean in terms of looks, personality, or both? Meh, I'll give both. I can't think of any RPG characters I LOOK like very much, although sometimes my hair looks kinda like Squall's. :)
As for personality...Hmm, I'd hafta say Locke, in the sense that I often carry a carefree and adventurous attitude, and Tidus in the sense that sometimes I feel like I'm from another world. ^_^
Well, I can honestly say that this is the most time I;ve ever spent thinking up a mailbag respone. :)

Anywho, that's all fer now. I'll be seein' y'all next week! I'll bring caik!

You feel like Locke, eh? I'll just make sure to keep the Mailbag treasure away from you.

Mailbag treasure... We don't have any Mailbag treasure.

Sure we do.

...

Yeah. It's your wonderful personality that brightens every room you're in.

Uh... Thanks. I guess...

Also, we took all those bolas thrown at Kagon and have since turned them into gold. Those alchemists didn't know what they were missing.

Obviously.

Well, let's keep this train wreck moving.

Hello, gentlemen. PC Glenton here. It's been a while since I wrote, but I have been preoccupied lately... all right, just lazy.

Yeah. Like a couple of associates of mine.

So, which RPG character most like me? That is quite the thinker. Let's see.... someone rather quiet, philosophical, but can be easy going when things are all right....

Hey, of course. Paul Denton, JC's brother from Deus Ex. The guy really believes in doing the right thing, even if it is against popular or believed opinion. He may be a bit more outspoken then I am, but he seems to be a rather introverted guy, all in all. And I can't count how many times you find philosophy and political books around his person. Besides, he prefers stealth to combat... something I can readily agree with.

Thank you for your time, gentlemen, and ladies. And thank you for your donation to the Glenton fund.

*Strides out of the room, with a few more wallets, but frowning as I notice they are near empty.*

Stalin costing too much too feed, Kagon? *Now running out before I get hurt.*

Of course Stalin costs too much to feed. I mean, he's DEAD. If you want to somehow feed the dead USSR leader, it's gonna cost a lot because he'll never be satisfied. Slalin on the other hand...

Don't mention Slalin on hands. I think I lost three fingers to that slime.

You THINK you lost three fingers?

Well, I dunno. I don't keep track of my fingers all the time.

Touche. Hmm... I guess that would give new meaning to Finger Foods though.

*Facepalms* Ugh...

I, Garland, shall knock bad pun makers down! *Knocks 984 down*

Oof!

... I think he's out cold.

Obviously.

... If he's out cold, then that means we have to do the Mailbag...

Obviously.

Uh oh... Should I, Garland, make up for my mistake?

Obviously.

I, Garland, shall get the next Reply!

Hey guys, BahamutXero here.

Just one quick question before I give my response to the mailbag. Is there some stupid unwritten rule that mail bag administrators can't admit they made a mistake? Just wondering because the ugliness of someone doesn't really effect their ideas. That was pretty lame. As is this:

*shoots a bola a Kagon's head*

OK, that made me feel better, now onto the mailbag: I think I mostly resembe a black mage from FF. Not the ones in FFIX that were mindless but like the ones in FF I, II, III, IV, V, X, and FFT actual people ie. Lulu, Black Wizard (I), the class in general, etc. I believe I have a strong will and high intelligence, not the IQ that can memorize and build a supercomputer or something, I mean the knowledge of several different things and common sense. I am physically weak due to some health ailments, including a rod in my spine and a shunt in my head, besides the point of me having a brain tumor that nearly killed me when I was only thirteen months old, but that's a long story... I don't like whearing funky pointed hats and have a visable face though.

That concludes my mailbag response. I leave with with a stern warning though: Don't make fun of those who appreciate the work that you guys do, you may regret it some day (that is NOT a threat, just a piece of advice). Keep up the good work!

"Do not underestimate the W3C - That would be a grave mistake." *Cough* Ahem. That is indeed an unwritten rule. And uh, you look like Lulu? ... Wow. That's, uh, weird, 'specially since I think you're a guy.

He's obviously Rupaul.

... Wow.

*Wakes up* Guh. Stupid Garland... So, how many Replies did I miss?

One. It involved a guy that looks like Lulu.

*Raises an eyebrow that no one can see due to the shades* Interesting.

Yeah.

Hmmm... All I have to say is wow. Well, I guess VE is up next.

Arr, so ye decided to use me idea, eh? Well, here's my method of torture, then.

*bastes Energon in steak juices, dresses him up in a bunny costume, and throws him into a den of ravenous cyberenhanced ninja wolves that haven't been fed in days*

*Paper cuts up said wolves* Man, I'll cut you, foo!

Anyway, on to the topic! Now, I find that a LOT of Video game characters fit my personality, but I think I'll settle for just one: Yuffie.

I mean, I am a young woman who can kick the ass of over three quarters of the kids in my school (haven't had a need to do such yet, though :p ), and can be a bit... *cough* oppurtunistic at times. But one you have me as a permanent and very good friend, you shall realize that I'm not all that bad. I am WAAAAAY too energetic, and as to the stealing thing... Let's move on, shall we?

esides that, I have very strong loyalties. If I see a friend or something that requires help, I can, would, and have gone to almost any length to lend it some aid. Besides, I'm cute. ^_^

And I think that just about does it for me. *walks into the den, throws out the remains of Energon, kicks the crap out of any wolves that try and eat me, and I POOF! away*

Remains? I survived.

I know. And how can you be sure you can kick their asses if you haven't done so? I mean, I can say that I can fly and be sure of it, but unless I tried to, I wouldn't know for sure.

But you can't fly...

How would you know? Have I ever tried to demonstrate to you that I could?

Well, no.

Then I can fly.

I really hate your logic. I really, really do.

Yeah. I get that a lot. Well, XCountryGuy is up.

For those of you that know me from the message boards, you know I have this "Cloud wannabe" thing about me, (I like swords). But to be more realistic than that, I think the RPG character I most resemble physically is Irvine. Why? We both are about the same height and he has cool, long, brown, anime hair. That's enough for anyone right? Well if I lost weight I could probably do pretty well as Irvine in a cosplay competition.

I say physically since I'm not the ladies man like Irvine is. But if it's going to be anything personality wise, I'd say I'm probably closest to Auron (FFX obviously). I mean if I had to put up with whiny Tidus and Rikku all of the time, I'd be short in what I say and possibly a bit cold to them (Plus he uses long swords too, I like swords). I'm begging for trouble aren't I?

Anyway, I think that's what I'm closest to there, bye for now.

And if you're like Auron, you can carry a ceramic(?) jug around with you that's full of alcohol. Even more, you could possibly put three 'X'es on it then blow on it like you're in a country music band.

That's the worst idea ever.

No. New Coke was.

... Fine. You're right.

*Best flashy entrance ever (see last mailbag*

It is I, The Wizardmaster! *turns Kagon into a chicken* That will teach you to take advantage of TD last mailbag! Make him take all those wegies. I have a surprise for you...

*Everyone gives Kagon Atomic-Wedgies*

There we go... Now, to the reply...Not!!!

*Intermission begins* *Elevator music begins*

*Intermission ends*

Now, seriously, to the reply. Which rpg character is most like me. Tough one. I'd have to say Orlandu (FFT). With the exception of age, strength, ability, wisdom, courage, and of course, honor. Actually, that was a bad example. I have two characters (who are really different) that I feel represent me.

1. Delita (FFT)- Delita is a very smart person. He was an average person, until his sister died (didn't happen to me). He always knows what is going on, and always has a plan. He is pretty tricky, and does anything to win.

2. Mid (FF5)- Mid is a genius. He works with his wierd father, Cid, and does what is right. He spends most of the time reading (library), and is young and energetic. That is pretty much it.

Now, since MM984 didn't get to see my last replies wordz of wizdom, I will repeat it:

MM984 is cool! He is awesome! Go MM984, go MM984!!! He is our man, if he can't do it nether can Kagon, cause he's a nerdlinger!

Ok, well, that's it. Bye. I guess. *Goes off to cry*

First off, I'd say you'd be more like some character that's always interrupting others. Secondly, I am indeed cool. Third, Kag's not a nerdlinger. Mudo is.

Yeah. That's why I beat him up.

You bully.

Yeah, well, meh.

Nice retort.

I do my best.

If that's your best, I'd love to see your worst. Does it involved a bunch of "Nuh uhs!" and "Yeah, well, my dad could beat up your dad!"?

Obviously.

You two will die by my paper.

Wow. That is very not scary sounding. I mean, even Wilfredo Martinez is scarier sounding than you.

Dear Mailbaggers:
(Sorry, but until you tell me your OFFICIAL title, I'm calling you that. And NO, I'm NOT calling you "Masters"!)

We're the Mailbag Team.

(Hmm, I wonder if I should get my own personalized introduction like the others... Naah, I'm *too* good for intros.)

Anyways: First of all, I am saddened to see your lack of progress in the humor department... perhaps I expect too much of you. Maybe you should stick to just commenting on the Mailbag topics?

By the way, how much do you pay your underlings? (Energon, Captain Obvious, etc.?) I think I could use a couple of sycophantic henchmen. Tell them to contact me privately.

Pa-ay? What is this pay?

It's something people get when they work for others.

And why do I not get it?

Because you're technically me. I mean, paying myself would be rather ridiculous.

... Uh...

And now for today's topic: What RPG character do resembles me the most? Actually, that question could be interpreted two ways: in physical appearance and personality.

Physically, I definitely resembled Ryu from Breath of Fire 3. Honest, the resemblance is such, it's scary. Of course, that was when I was a kid... sadly, now I look more like Cid from FF8!

In personality, I think I'm most like the strategist from the first Suikoden (Mathew, I think was his name?) Without spoiling too much for those who haven't experienced THIS great game yet, Matthew was a strategist for the Red Moon Empire who grew sick of all the killings in the war, and tried to retire- but they wouldn't let him. He had no choice but to join the Rebellion. (There's MUCH more to his story, but I'm not telling here!) In what ways are we similar? Well, we're both older than most of our peers (he in the rebellion, me in RPGC); we both have a reputation for wisdom, and we're both master strategists (well, at least when it comes to VIDEO GAME armies!) :) There's also an element of being reluctant heroes in there, too. (OK, I'm boasting now)

(Like I haven't so far?) :)

Very well, now you know how to picture me. I envy you not the nightmares you shall have from now on. But remember, you DID ask.

And on that note, I leave you again. Who knows, perhaps THIS time, you'll actually be funny...?

Wilfredo Martinez
Getting TOO arrogant to tolerate

Hah! Yeah. Funny. That'll be the day.

You cut me deep, Energon.

You know I could if I wanted.

Correction. You know you could if I allowed it. Too bad I'm not Mills Lane.

Obviously.

Psh. Mills Lane is a ha-*a hat falls on top of Energon's head*

Wow I'm getting closer and close to the deadline every week. Alright, I think the character who most resembled me was Maudin. When that human girl wants to take off he says "You'll need a guide".

Yeah. Get closer to the deadline. I mean, we don't tolerate not being on time here at the Mailbag.

...I'm sorry, I couldn't really think of anyone. I wanted to make some sort of joke about a character who was hired as a guide but I couldn't think of anything appropriate. I'll try to come up with a better response next week. My apologies, I'll just eat Kagon and be on my way.

*The hat flies away* -ack. And don't get me started on his shirt.

No go. Kag's not here. And if you need a guide, try Rhett or Wilder from Suikoden III.

Huh? What?

You missed it.

Missed what?

Intense physical punishment inflicted upon me by many ravenous beasts.

... DAMNIT!

Yeah, well, your loss. Anyway, we need a topic. Hmm... Ah. Here's a good one from Walhalla.

What would be different in RPGs if the teams creating them were exclusively composed of women? (As an alternative, replace “women” by “Russians”. :P)

You heard the Walhalla, folks. "What would be different in RPGs if they were designed exclusively by women and/or Russians?" Send them to the usual address.

Russian women? Those exist?

Yeah. They can even wrestle FIVE bears to the ground at once.

Wow...…