RPG Classics Mailbag

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I know I'm a lazy bum

:o ! What would make you say that, Kagon?

Besides the fact that, perhaps, you really are a bum?

Because I'm tired and want to go back to sleep.

I'd be tired too if I stayed out all night.

Yeah, exactly.

Well aren't we the Social Moth?

Doing what? :O O: Drinking Punch and Playing Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey, I hope? :O O: :O O:

Sure am.

Well, Kagon, after such a rousing game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, I'm sure you know how to back that ass up. Go get a reply.

I said I didn't play Pin the Tail on any freaking donkey. I refuse!

Back dat ass up? *does the sexy dance*

But donkeys are a kind of transportation. That counts, right?

No. You lose.

You win, Kagon! Your prize is, get a reply!

Do de do!

Fine. VE.

Ello, this is Valkyrie Esker, here to bring you another piece of my mind whether you lie it or not.

Transportation in an RPG. TO be honest, this is one of the things I find most important in an RPG. I mean, I can deal with a slightly poor plot, or crappy battle mechanics, but if you can't travel around fast and in style, then I really have a problem with the game.

Now, the method I hate most, to be honest, is sea travel. Not only is it rarely any faster than if you were walking, but it seems like I always get in twice as many fights on water than on land. Which is exactly why I avoid boats as much as possible.

Now, when we get to land, there's three choices for us: Foot, Auto, or Steed. I really like riding animals around the place, because... well, I'm riding an animal! I can have so much fun with them, and I can hug them and pet them and call them Larry! Not George, George is a stupid name. Larry.

And then, we got Air travel, the best of them all. Who doesn't like ridign around in a plane or airship hundreds of feet above the ground at least, being able to taunt all those who have to stay on the ground? *sees someone start to raise his hand, and shoots the guy* No one? I thought not. And yeah, Airships rock, cause in some games, they can also be used to take care of other means of transportation, like transforming into a sea ship, or carrying an Auo around with a giant hook!

Well, that's my two cents, I guess. *gives Kagon a coupla pennies* Seeya! *runs off*

You can also travel on land by ship. I seem to recall that in Wild Arms 3.

KAGON! YOU'RE RICH!

I am?

TWO cents :D:D:D:D

Now you owe VE 5 minutes.

Lies.

Truths

Tuh.

Does anyone remember in ff3j where you got in fights in the air? That was kinda funny cos your ship threw bombs at them :P

Er, it did? I think that was SaGa 3 and not FF3j.

You get into fights in your airship in Skies of Arcadia. That IS the only way to move though...

Actually both did, but it was funnier in FF3j because the bomb exploded mid-air. in SaGa 3 is like was missles or lasers or something. :P

The lasers were the greatest.

Indeed they were. You know what else is the greatest?

A laser shooting cockroach?! AWESOME!

YEAH!

h9

Actually, it was a ship that had your father's brain in it. That was a memorable scene...
"Borgin: Your father sacrificed his life to make that ship." "Arthur: You mean...?" "Borgin: Duh! Your father IS the Talon! Didn't you get the memo?"

And horrible. What happened next!?

Arthur said "Arthur: No."

Was he a butcher of purity?

No, but he did shoot lasers at the last boss.

Cockroaches are the greatest.

No they aren't

Would you rather travel around in a spider?

Know what else is great?

Yes. Yes I would. And what else is great, SG?

Kagon getting the next reply :D

No.

Kageroo, please? :D:D:D:D?

Wanna know who hasn't been around in a while?

Cidolfas?

Well, yeah, but those bothersome sidekicks.

Someone else?

They've been sold into slave labour.

Obviously.

Neato! ...Right?

Yeah. Too bad the 13th Ammendment ended slavery, Mr. Jefferson Davis. They're at the snackbar.

Oh! ...Neato!

That's what YOU think.

No. They're there. *Camera shifts to snackbar*

I love black and white cookies.

*Munches on some heads of lettuce*

Ow, that's my head you stupid slime!

:O

Er... Uh... Why's that thing pointed at me?

Guess what, Energon. You're on Candid Camera!

*crumbs fall out of his mouth*

Does that mean Energon gets the next reply? :O

*Sputters crumbs all over a reply marked GGCrono*

Hoi, chummers! GG Crono 4 here. I'm not in the mood for witty banter, so on with the response!

In my oppinion, transport in most RPGs is hyandled quite well, but I think more of them should have items/spells that instantly teleport you between major locations.

Best transport? Easy. Lufia 2's Exerion. It was a ship, a submarine, AND an airship! R0xx0r! ^_^

Worst? Also easy. FF8. Balamb Garden. That thing was slower than a drunk snail on a treadmill.

Make my own? Not so easy. Like I said, the games usual handle it pretty well.

Though I think its cool when you get into battles using the vehicles, and the vehicles have their own stats, like in Wild ARMs 3.

And that, as they say, is that. TTFN.

Didn't FF5 have a ship/sub/airship combo?

Yeah, it did.

Yeah, I believe it did. It also had a pretty dragon :D Oh, and a meteor :D But you never got to really ride it :(

Well, it WOULD be kind of hot, SG.

Well Galuf didn't mind! >:(

Maybe he did! >:O

NO!

Galuf likes it hot hot hot!

See? :D

Too bad he DIED. Those that like it hot hot hot die.

They traveled to the second world on a meteor, I thought? :P

Yeah, they did. Shot DOWN.

Too bad Kag agreed with me at first.

But not at LAST! AHAHAHAHAHA

And riding it implies ON it. You ride IN it though.

You're arguing semantics. Only nerdlingers like Mudo argue semantics!

;_;

Shut up, Mexican.

PSHH, Christina Aguilera likes Mexicans :P *starts singing Infatuation*

Jeffrey Dahmer also likes Mexican. Your point?

Absolutely nothing, akin to your poor debating skills? I dunno :P

Better than being a wetback. :P

You're right I suppose. But can we get the next reply?

You can get it, Mr. I Never Do Work

Mr. I Never Do Work: Ok. The next reply comes from Omni.

Greetings.

I am Omni. These are my associates Terra, accidental ruler of a major demon dimension and cat, and Plax, Snorlaxian eradicator extrordinare. We are the executive board of Deus Ex Machina inc., Profesionals at fiddling with reality. results reguarding your inquiry as follows:

Favorite: Great Lunar Whale from FF4 though Plax votes for Barney Bunny from SO2 for fighting the stereotype of REALLY big things being slow.

Least Favorite: A boat in any game where there are random encounters at sea.

And Terra would like Slalin to kill someone. and she thinks Energon needs an ,and I quote, "a sledghammer to the head jumpstart his brain". I bid you adieu and a good day.

Stalin's already killed someone. Remember those, oh, 20 MILLION UKRANIANS?!

*leaps out and starts biting Energon's face off*

Slalin killed Urkans? :O

Yeah.

...Neato!

No SG, not netao.

You're right, not netao, NEATO! :D

Not NEATO either! :D

Oh! :D

Let's take it to a vote. I say NEATO. SG?

NEATO.

Kag?

NOT NEATO.

We win! :D

2 to 1. The NEATOs have it. Motion passes. Next item of business, rezoning downtown.

Downtown? Downtown where?

When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go - downtwon.

I hate you all.

:D?

D:

:(.

*Knocks Kagon down*

D:

D: Indeed.

A poke ball is thrown into the mailbag room. The poke ball opens and a flash is seen. When the flash clears pink_lugia is seen in the mailbag room.

Hello. It be me, pink_lugia. I really can't believe you were on time last mailbag, or that you used my reply. I must be special. but not special like kagon. lay off the mushrooms man, your starting to see things.

But transportation. a good subject indeed. some of my favourite transportations have been the flying dragon on ff5. not often do you get to fly a dragon. And then there is the final airship in ff3. that thing was a sweet monster. it helped you gight battles, had its own inn, item, weapons, and armor vending machines, and even a place to call the fat chocobo. I love ff3. the origenal ff3 mind. scary how similar their airships are though.

But my most disliked transportation would have to be the....carriages of dragon warrior games. they should increase your walking speed or something. all they do is carry the people you don't want to fight with. whats wrong with fighting useing eight people though. darn limits.

The last thing I have to say on transportation is that the an airsahip was too much advanced technology in ff1 and ff2. the first ff2.

but good subjerct this week. bye 984, SG, Kag, kag's imagination

pink_lugia produces a poke ball and throws it on the ground and a great flash is seen. When the flash clears pink_lugia and the poke ball are gone and in their place is a note that reads

"Sincerely yours,

The Pink One"

I'm not on any mushrooms.

He just needs to change his diapy sometimes! :D

He's on the whacky tobaccy. And there's a dragon in WA3! :D

Why do I even bother?

Because you lav us.

:D

There's no lav.

AN EXTRA BIG HEART! AWWW KAGGIE :D:D:D:D

No, it's a broken heart.

And breaking it means you can spread it out to more of us! :D

:D!

:D

Mr. I Never Do Work: :D

D:<

An Anteater?

...

Fine. Kagon hates us. And if he hates us so much, he should get the next reply. That makes us mad. >:(

>:(!

Steve. >:(!

h9 Steve

Uh, yeah. Steve here. It's really been a long time since I sent in a reply to a mailbag. I'm thinkin maybe a good year or so. I should do it more often...

Okay... Topic: What do you think of the means of transportation in RPGs? Which was your favorite? Least Favorite? Here goes nothin'

I, personally, think the means of transportation is getting very repetitive in RPGs. There needs to be some innovations in the types of ways to get around other than the staple of boat -> airship progression in the evolution of the crappy RPG transportation... thing.

My favorite kind of transportation in an RPG would have to be the castle from FF6j/FF3. That's just.. awesome.

Least favorite would have to be that rediculously stupid hovercraft from FF4j/FF2. It was pretty much USELESS.

Well, that's all from me. Seeya next time.

Yeah. It was useless for the most part.

Yeah, though it did allow you to get the best armor in the game since it took you to the Mini village place.

I thought the Hovercraft was cool! You didn't have to waste time fighting imps on the field with it :P And you could take it underground too. :P

Only n00bs get the best armor. 1337 masters play through with original equipment.

Or idiots.

I would agree, if I wasn't one to go through Megaman X games getting absolutely no power ups. :P

You just wish you were 1337.

Me? :O I am Leet.

Nah, not so much...

Kag's not 1337.

Is he 1336?

He's 13h9

Wow.

Indeed.

Yeah.

So how about them yankees?

HATE THEM.

By hate, Kag means love. And by love, I mean love to hate.

I see. ...Mmm, so how about that next reply?

All yours chief.

You're closer.

Fine. Zoneseek

Good boy! :D

You know, this subject is actually pretty interesting to me.

I mean, it is obvious that the air ship you get later on in a game (or a suitable facsimile) is the best way to travel. Suddenly you can visit any town on the world without the long treks and the road blocks etc.

However, there needs to be a "build-up" before there is complete freedom on map when you are dealing with a story line I think. If people can't get to particular parts of the map at first then they are intrigued about what they will find next, and the designers/writers have the ability to keep the player from finding out too much at first about the plot etc. And of course any hero/heroine needs obstacles to hurtle!

One drawback to this however - is the fact that when you want to play a game again. you simply want the freedom to move around and solve things faster. You already know the secrets hidden in the basement in town Blah Blah - so give me a vehicle that flies dangit!

As for inventing something - hmmm. How about more types of animals that can take you long distances? (Much like a certain large yellow bird *cough) Only they could be herds of panther-like animals or something. That would be fun. Or I also liked the Sun Gates in Chrono Trigger. More things like that could be pretty cool. And while I am talking about moving around in games: Writers....ALWAYS GIVE US A WAY TO SPRINT OR RUN IF WE WANT IT. Phew* kay I'm done ranting.

Best Wishes,

Zoneseek

Writers don't determine if you can sprint or not. Programmers do.

They don't write about accessories, heh :P

Unless the writers determine your weakened condition doesn't allow you to run. Oh, didn't think of that did you?

Too bad they don't. You lose.

They can make it part of the story.

No.

But they don't.

Fine. You win this round!

Damn right I do.

Is there anything you wish for me to do, oh humble victor?

Get the next reply.

Rightyo! XCountryGuy!

X_countryguy comes in and starts with his e-mail right away instead of going through some overblown entrance statement like others; because it’s annoying.

Anyway, the topic is transportation. Well I’m pretty sure by this point you’ve received several e-mails saying how terrible The King or Red Lions, aka, Link’s boat in Wind Waker is. So I’m not going to even bother even though I didn’t think it was all *that* bad. I don’t think I have an overall least favorite kind of transport in RPG’s, but I did get annoyed at the Little Bronco in FF7. I mean, it’s an airplane in the water that’s not allowed to go in deep water? If it’s in water in the first place I didn’t think that depth would have all of a sudden become a big factor in where said boat (plane) could go.

Conversely, the Gold Chocobo in FF7 is great. I mean it’s a bird that can walk on water and climb any scale that there is in the world. That and you got the world’s cheapest summon from all of your hard work of getting the damn bird. That’s awesome!

Anyway, that’s my two cents on the thing. See ya.

Wow, Kagon's really docile today.

Damn you and your creative license!

Actually, no one has mentioned that Wind Waker boat. That's very weird. Now I wish you did go into it.

Sounds neato!

Yeah. And I was also annoyed by the Little Bronco. That was wiggidy whack.

Wow.

I know.

Ruggababybuggybumpers

... Wow.

I know! :D

Man. That's whack, foo.

I'm tired. Let's get the last reply so SG Can sleep :O

You get it if you're so wanting to be done.

But babay!

But babay nothing! Do it now! *Smacks SG*

Buh, can I not step out to the snackbar without people taking over my personality? ;_;

Sure you can! Isn't that right Kagon?

No, I can't!

...Oh!

I know! Huh. Walhalla! YAY! WALHALLA! :D

Yay! :D:D:D:D:D:D

Hi, guys.

Yes, of course, just because it's my topic, I had to send something. It's the first time I had trouble writing a reply though (as if I had written many :P), so fortunately, it'll be short and bad jokes-less. And and and! I won't even answer the first question about what I think of the means of transportation in RPGs. I’m one damned rebel. :P

As a completely banal person, airships are my favorite mean of transportation. Not the ugly zeppelin-like airships such as those in FFVI, though. The original ones with propellers in place of the sails are more impressive because their technological feasibility is so arguable. Moreover, they always have the best music themes. I think the worst means of transportation, however, are the ones that can't be controlled by the player and/or that can only be used to travel between two determined locations. The Skyway and the 50/50 from Grandia II are great examples. :P

As for my own ideas, I could propose varied silly stuff, but it's always better with pictures. Consequently, I wanted to draw stuff for you, but since I didn't have time to (*cough* sure), I’ll just link you to the only mean of transportation I ever hand-drew: Tank. I agree that it's a laughable and cheap-inefficient-looking machine. Tanks are not even meant to BE means of transportation... But but but! It has a 120 mm L55 smoothbore gun, 2x12.7mm co-axial machine guns, 1x7.62 mm anti-aircraft machine gun, hydropneumatic suspension, depleted uranium and chobham armor, gas turbine engine supplying 2500 hp, power-to-weight ratio of 71.4 hp/ton and it can reach a maximum governed speed of 100 km/h. Obviously, I made everything up. If you try to calculate the theoretical engine power required, you won't obtain a result corresponding to what I just said. :P Anyway, I, uh, have to go now. :P

Thanks. Keep up the good work. Or just keep up the work. :P

I didn't like Grandia II's transportation. Or FFX's. But the tank is cool. Tanks are always cool.

Of course, you can't go wrong with tanks.

Yeah. TANKS for the picture! :D

The boat in MY RPG is a Tank! :D

A boatank? Cool.

How does that work?

It's a boat. That's a tank.

Very carefully :D My trasnportation units are so cool! My other ship is a Mine Cart, and my airship is a Greyhound bus :D

Why not a Winnebago?

...Right.

Because the Greyhound looks funnier in the air with surfer music :P

But then you're not paying homage to Spaceballs.

I'd rather pay homage to a better Mel Brooks movie, like Men in Tights :D

I don't remember a Greyhound Bus in that movie.

That's because there wasn't one in it.

There wasn't any. But I would rather pay homage to that movie :P

Ah. Okay. Then it should be a Winnebago. Kag agrees with me.

Yes indeedy!

Well you guys are still both wrong :P

No. We're right. Anyway, we need a new topic, and this one comes from... GASP! Walhalla. Who would of thunk it? Anyway "If you were a hairdresser, what would you change in RPGs?" Send the replies to you know where.

Where?

The e-mail, SG.

...OH! Yeah guys! :D

*facepalms*

Ugh. I'm outta here. *leaves the room!*

I'm gone too. Byez!

You know, Kagon has been really upset and strange lately. Do you think that maybe--- Oh crap, I pondered this last time, and the answer was no. Oh well. Uh, good bye everyone. *Leaves*