RPG Classics Mailbag

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^.~

... What's Beru doing here?

WHAT?! I mean... It's time for another one of those amazing mailbags! :D

That's always fun. Except when it's not.

yeah, you got me there :O There's always that...

Election season is coming up, and before you can be President of the country, the country must become President of you.

I uh, what he means to say is, since a lot of you can't really vote anyways, we're giving you a chance to vote for your RPG character president, like it matters. The turnout was like 5?

Yeah. And they all nominated Japanese born characters which really can't be President if you read the Articles of Confederation.

What about the RPG Articles of Confederation? :D

DIAPY! :D

Well, those are all good and fun, but... YOUR FACE

You know...when you put in perspective like THAT...I completely understand.

That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.

You mean, lawyer?

... Just get a damn reply.

Since you beat me to it...This one's from Shinobi.

Yo, its Shinobi.
I think I speak for the entire RPGC community when I say Gau would be the best president of the United States. He's already more skilled in speaking than our current, and I hear he put the Erotic in Paterotic!
-Shinizzle
P.S. I should have been sidekick[ed] >:(

* Shinobi has been sidekicked from the #mailbag (The 984)

Yeah, and paterotic isn't even a REAL WORD! Dumbinator >:OOO

Yeah. You... LUBUGRIOUS LUMP

Yeah, you're lucky we didn't stryke you to death!

Nice way of segging.

WHAT!?

DIAPY! :D

You referenced deathstryke's next reply, right?

I did? I mean, yes...yes, why yes that's EXACTLY what I did! yes.

I would vote for Tosh from the Arc the Lad games. What's not to like about a drunken ronin who tends to personally kick the ass of anyone who crosses him and has more than enough power to do so? At the very least he should be Secretary of Defense.

But a drunken cowboy's not good enough for you? Come on. Cowboys beat stupid Japanese stuff. I mean, would you rather have Gackt or John "THE DUKE" Wayne?! Gackt or Clint Mother Frickin' Eastwood?! Gackt or BOB HOPE SON OF PALEFACE?! Jeez.

Wouldn't a drunkin runner who kills people that get in his way make a good Secretary of OFFENSE? I mean, I'm not the only one who made this connection, right? :P

Well, I'm sure his smell is offensive.

...Come to think of it, do we even have a Secretary of Offense...?

Well, back in the blizzard of 1849, old Secretary Scruffy McScruffin...

...Like, a Secretary of Defense, Secretes our defense...but, do we even NEED to secrete our offense...?

DIAPY! :D

...Well he got a hankerin' for some Bisquits and Gravy WHOOOO-EEE!!!! So he headed down to...

...And that's how I got herpes.

...And that's how Kagon got herpes.

WHAT?!

Is that how Joe got herpes?

I think it involved some bad seafood and a tractor.

That's pretty intense. Let's read his reply.

Joe here, alone this time too!
due to an unfortunate Cannon accident Evil Joe is probably flying over the German Internet as we speak so on with the topic:

Do the Germans even have an internet? And if they do, does it regularly invade the French internet?

The Germinet invades the Frinternet ALL the TIME. I can't BELIEVE you didn't know that.

Well, I DID fail World Wide Web History.

WHAT?!

I nominate Crono of Chrono Trigger!!! for the position of President of the United States! my Reasons?
1. He's not Bush
2. He's not Kerry
3. no one will mess with the U.S. with him in charge! I can't think of anything more intimidating than a Country led by a mute Goku look alike Brandishing a Katana!
4. He'd appoint Robo as secretary of defence, who in turn, would go berserk every now and then, obliterating some minor country no one has ever heard of....ok fine, he'll bomb France, they hate us anyways.
Kudos for a good job on the last mailbag!

Thanks. I didn't do that much...but you're a sweetie :D

*Disappears Engulfed in Black Flames, [BECAUSE HE'S ON FIRE] :-P*
Evil Joe: *Crashes through the roof and lands on Charlemagne*owwww...
Hey! this could work out for me...If I take control of the mailbag I can-*is knocked out by a falling piece of rubble from the ceiling*

Wait... Landed on Charlemagne... He's not even HERE! :O :O :O :O :O :O

WHAT?!

We said RPG president, not U.S. Dumbinator. And furthermore, If Crono and Robo is the most intimidating team you can think of, you've got some problems. They're not even real, for starters.

And thirdly, Edward and Ultros are the most intimitatitintiting team out there.

WHAT?!

He said, "The next reply is from Sorcerer."

Oh.

RPG character presidential nominations? Easy.
See, the most often complained about aspect of being a politician is that they lie. Well, if Chrono was president, he wouldn't have that problem, would he?
He's relativly flexible, easy to compromise with, and even if you can't, he's more likely to do what you tell him to do than do anything else, so he's kinda perfect. Now, see, what comes with this is a reasonable cabinet. No ultraconservatives and no bleeding heart liberals, rather a cabinet made of moderates with somewhat conflicting opinions to encourage moderation and compromise would easily set this country at ease. But you would have to be sure to have at least one radical of either side to help influence actual action on behest of the administration, otherwise they'd all probably just sit around and not do anything. So right. But the cabinet is actually a different topic.
So, I nominate Chrono, who probably will be nominated by others for similar or stupider reasons.
So there you have it. My first mailbag entry since Cid did one on Online RPGs like, 3 years ago.
He that thou knowest thine,
[Sore, sir, er...]

Stupid reasons? You mean like Joe's reasoning up above?

Would the same apply for Robo as secretary of Defense?

Pff. No. Robo would make a kickass Secretary of Agriculture.

How about Secretary of Offense? After all, his attack is to RUN, ALL THE WAY UP TO SOMEONE, and then just punch them.

You're right. He shall be Secretary of Secretary's Day.

Intense.

Not as intense as a reply from the Man with No Name who went through the desert on a Horse with No Name. It felt good to get out of the rain.

Hi Charlie. I love the jacket. And the pants. And the shirt. And the belt. And.. the hair.
X_Countryguy, please stop waving that big thing around. You could hurt someone. You should try dualwielding. It's the thing of the future for lightly armored warriors, y'know. Touch my blades again, though, and I'll put them thru yer skull.
Now, I'd like to discuss about presidency. See, I am from this cold country called Finland, and we currently have the first female president ever. Boring, bla bla bla. So, what I'd like to do is to put Sinistral into the lead.. I mean Rufus. You know Rufus, right? The guy who used to be Sinistral. Err, his avatar. Simple minds, simple pleasures, I guess.
Rufus possesses three major tactical advantages over most presidencial nominees:
#1: His offensive tactics include not only a shotgun and a laugh, but a DARK NATION as well! See? He's got it all figured out!
#2: The suit. Oh yes. And the haircut. He's a charismatic leader! What else would you want in an evil maniac who is taking over the world using a bunch of plants that suck up the planet's power? (Okay, competency would be good..)
#3: Rufus has not only the knowledge, but the experience to lead a powerful corporation-nation. In *knowing* the teachings of Zerthimon, one would become stronger. That info and experience could be very good for such a smalltime country like Finland. We'd grow from, like FINS into SCALES. Then it'd be SCALELAND.
Well. Rufus is a good nominee, right? It's hands down, either him or Laguna, but I don't trust the Gith, so I say we leave him behind. And watch the leather.
Good luck in your future mailbags, misters! Remember, "Endure, and in Enduring, grow strong."

Shinra? But he's just a kid.

Charlie: Thanks. But, how did you see that? Even the Angels haven't seen me.

Someone must have been waving their arms up and down. Again.

Throw your hands in the air. But then try to catch them. BUt drop them. Because you have no hands to catch them with. STUPID.

WHAT?!

DIAPY! :D

The next reply is from Zoneseek.

You yeah you totally deserve it Charlemagne! You just look cool. I mean...in RPGs that is half the battle! Or was that GI Joe? Hmmmm.... Well anyway you just seem totally cool and mysterious. You get my vote!
Zoneseek
BTW, is it my imagination - or do you have red eyes??

BTW, is it my imagination - or is Charlemagne not even an RPG CHARACTER!?!?!?!?

I'm sure he's a character in Holy Roman Empire, THE RPG!

Does that even exist? :P

How do we know if any of us even really exist?

WHAT?!

I said SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE FLANDERS!

You know, the bible says it's FUN to do stuff together! There's a Stranger in the Manger and his Name is Loooove, Take it, 984!

His name is Rio and he dances on the sand... Just like the river running through the dusty land...

Why do birds...suddenly appear...every tiiiime...I am neeaaarr...? Just like, yooouuu, they long to be...

DIAPY! :D

That's beautiful, Kagon.

You're such a good boy, Kagon! :D

You're a good boy. A GOOD boy.

...For me...to poop on? :O

Well not ON. Maybe near. Or about. Or of.

So like, poop AT him?

Only if a gypsy cursed your colon.

Yeah. She put a curse on my butt tox. It said, "984, get the next reply."

That's an interesting curse. I long for the days of curses that only made you grow warts or lose fingers or fall in love with Andy Dick.

Well, nowadays, they just make you get the next reply. So DO IT. DO IT.

WHAT?!

Hello, ye mailbaggers! What have I got in my magic box? I've got something incredibly special for that dorkwad Mudo!
*looks around, doesn't see him*
...What? He's not here? That's a darn shame. Maybe he left with the 984. I had something really really special and cool for him!

Awww, aww dude, we're here and you didn't bring it. And man, this is like, the last time EVER. Que triste.

That makes me sad.

You can't just announce how you feel! That makes me feel angry!

Anyways,
Each day, you, the citizens of this fine nation, lead happy lives, doing irreplacable jobs such as inspecting septic tanks or volunteering for public service in the slums and living off charity. However, neither Bush (who is too stupid to pronounce 'nuclear') or Kerry (who couldn't lie to save his life but can't stop doing it) will give you the freedom you were meant to have, because in addition to their faults, each of them wants to devour the collective souls of the populace! Now, I don't know about you, but having my soul devoured by a madman would really ruin my day! This is why I urge you to vote for Garland in 2004! With his incompetent lackey Ghaleon, (who is not planning behind-the-scenes control, assasination or usurption in ANY way, shape or form) he will pass laws that need to be passed! He will lift the ban on gay marriage, illegalize anti-abortionism and nuke the living daylights out of a minor third-world country! My friends of the American populace, these ARE the men you want rulin--I MEAN, serving by helping to manage this great country!
(Funded by Garland/Ghaleon 2004)
And that's a wrap. *Looks around once more for the dorkwad Mudo and sighs dejectedly*
Oh well, I guess he just doesn't want this incredibly precious object.
*walks off with the item*
~Fanatic72802

So will he knock down terrorism, or what?

I, Garland, shall knock you all down!

So like...terror?

... ... ... ... ... . . . yes...

WHAT?!

Garland huh? Which one? Garland has been in several games. Just two off the top of my head, FF1 and FF9. However, by reading your candidate, out of the ones who have a chanc of winning. You need to vote for Bush. He is hell bent of destruction, as seen by fighting two wars and talking about another). He is also a fol who creates extravagent plots to achieve world domination. Of course he does lack the speech of Garland...or normal human beings. Ghaleon, now that is a good Vice Presdent. He could probably figure out a way to fix speeches even Bush couldn't mess up (yes, I know I give Bush too much credit he'd mess it up some way). Now if only we could get Square and Working Designs to lease their charcters for presidency. However, while Garland and Ghaleon are good choices, there is a better choice. CHARLEMAGNE and Infonick 2004. Oh yeah, now that's a winning combination. Can't you just see it?

-The Great and Powerful Infonick

You're not the powerful. You don't even get drunk when asked to.

Charlemagne could never be president. Simply, because he sucks.

Well, I guess he can choke an entire zeppelin. That's pretty hardcore. It's like the Hindenburg, but with choking fists of fury.

That's INTENSE!!!

WHAT?!

The next reply is from Yaridovich Halvorsen Thompson-Stryfe-Gainsborough Donatello Leonard Raphael Michelangelo Fhqwhgads Anderson-Smith Jean-Luc Jones Solo Pepelu Tivrusky Amelia Fayette-Mahoney Kierkegaard Brian Gesselschaft Williamtonshireworth Melora Kramer the First.

Greetings! Yaridovich Halvorsen Thompson-Stryfe-Gainsborough Donatello Leonard Raphael Michelangelo Fhqwhgads Anderson-Smith Jean-Luc Jones Solo Pepelu Tivrusky Amelia Fayette-Mahoney Kierkegaard Brian Gesselschaft Williamtonshireworth Melora Kramer the First here!
So ... who'd be the best president? Well, after a long and convoluted train of thought, I settled on Alis Landale, from Phantasy Star. Yeah, and then Noah, who is called Lutz in all subsequent Phantasy Star games, will be the vice president. And the Secretary of Defense will be Odin, whose last name is not given, but we can safely assume, given his appearance, that his last name is Schwarzenegger, and that he was separated from his twin brother Arnold at birth. And Myau the Cat can be a senator.
Uh, anyway, she's qualified. After she defeated the evil king Lassic, and then went and beat up Dark Falz, she became queen of Algo. Or Algol. Whatever. None of the other games say that she wasn't good at being queen, so we can safely assume that she was good at it. Of course, given that the previous king was an evil tyrant who oppressed the bejeezus out of towns and worked for a demon that shows up every thousand years and looks completely different each time, they probably didn't have much to compare to, but you get the idea.

Queens of Algo can't be kings of earth. I can't BELIEVE you didn't know that. Dumbinator.

They could be queens of San Fransisco. *rimshot*

Oh. ...? I don't get it.

Well anyway, we probably need another topic. I nominate Walhalla, Queen of the Topics, to give us a new one. I say "Which character(s) would you not like to have as teachers? How bad would he/she/they be?"

Gea babay. See you later for the next mailbag, and y'all kids just keep oooooonn truckin'.

DIAPY! :D

...OH! I GET IT! HAHAHAHA, it's like, she's the QUEEN...haha, the queen of San Francicso, cos like....AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH