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RPG Classics Mailbag
Welcome back to the mailbag, X_countryguy seems to have slept in, today we have with me the lovely Jing Ryu. Say hello, Jing.
Er... Hello!
No no no, say "Hello Jing". It's a pun.
Damn you for now knowing Swedish. Hej till publiken, dockan! >_>
Uhhh, thats swedish for Hello Jing! *rim shot!*
Haha
All right Jing, the topic was What RPG character would you vote for president, or statsminister or what have you.
Of which country?
Your country, my country, whoever wrote the entry.
Ah...
Sasquatch from Earthbound should be President of California.
Why?
Cuz I think Sasquatch has some good points concerning health care and the like. Anyway, here is the first email. You ready, Jinger?
Yes! Maybe.
Allrighty, here we goooo!
Hello... Myotis here. Let's see... For the President, I'd have to pick Soma Cruz from CastleVania: Aria of Sorrow. Granted, he'd have to come from Japan to get here, but it would be cool. I'm not sure if he knows anything about leading countries, but he led the cast in AoS. Besides, with his powers, like the yellow souls that increase intellegence, there isn't much he can't do!
He can turn into a bat, Jing.
Uh... Does Castlevania take place in Japan?
They're supposed to take place in Transylvania, bleaugh! But that one took place in the center of the sun, I think. Pocket dimension during the eclipse or something. But the guy is japanese
But you said California was the center of the sun!
But Dracula's castle really is! Beleive you me. I think it is anyway, or in the moon, I dont remember... In the eclipse
Boys lie.
I only lied about being a thief.
Anyway, if he can turn into a bat, does that mean he's a vampire?
You betcha! A sexy, sexy vampire
Psh, a president who can't be out in the sun? Silly! He'd have to hold speeches to people at night! And people have better things to do at night.
For instance?
Sleep!
Sleep? Nonsense!
Or watch midnight shows at the movie theater.
You and your crazy Swedish traditions, sleeping at night, UNHEARD OF!
Yeah, well, it doesn't get really dark here at night in the summer! Nyah!
And a vampire is sooner or later going to be your master, you might as well vote who it is, am I right?
Oh please, I already have a master. =P
are you refering to Mr. Arikado?
The HELLSING Alucard for clarity.
You know who should play Alucard in the Hellsing live action movie if they ever make one?
They better make is someone good.
Christopher Walken
Jing doesn't keep track of actors. Who?
The Prophecy
http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/oscars/75th_academy_awards_arrivals_photos/christopher_walken/oscars.jpg
o_O Screw that! He's old!
Jing, please, he's the perfect actor, genetically engineered to be such
So? He's still old and ugly.
How bout Sean Connery?
Now THAT's a name I recognize. He's even older! I think.
But he's a Highlander!
I don't care! Aren't we supposed to be talking about presidents?
I found the plague of the twentieth century and I lost it! Haven't you ever lost anything, Jing, you car keys? your wallet?
I lost track of the topic.
I think we were talking about Dolphins
Or you did! I think we were talking about soup.
Dolphin Soup? Deeeelicous!
We'll be rich! And sued! But we'll be rich, so we won't care!
yessss... YESSSSSS! Richer beyond our wildest dreams! The seas will run red with the blood of our enemies... THE DOLPHINS!
I never liked dolphins.
Yeah, they suck. They run around in pods. Total suck-pods!
Run? More like swim. Or walk.
They're mammals, Lex says. he thinks they run around on land and swing from vines
They do the up and walk on the water thing. Like all ferrets do.
...hmmm...... aquatic ferrets! Jing! You're a genius!
I am! We'll be rich! Again!
Even richer!
Sooooo, Jing, you see Spider-Man™ 2™, yet?
No, but I shall!.
You're gonna love the tenticles.
Everyone says it's even better than the first one.
Oh hell yeah!
Only thing I didn't like was the silly Greeen Goblin™, so this is bound to be awesome.
But Willem Dafoe is awsome!
Whoever he is. >_>
He was the guy that played the Green Goblin™
Thought so. He was still silly! Just the name!
But its the name of the guy in the comic.
OMG I r teh Green Goblin™ lolz!!1
They couldn't change it.
ph33r mee!
He didnt make up the name. J. Jonah Jameson™ made it up.
I know. That does not make it aaany less silly! Silly JJJ!
This ones better, and the villain is way cooler. If you liked the first one, you'll love this one.
Doc Ock™ is at least catchy.
WOO! I love him, the actor is so cool.
Just don't say it too fast cuz then it turns into docock and that just sounds weird.
Kyahahaha! I never noticed that.
That's because you were too busy being fascinated by the tentacles! Which also sounds a bit suspect.
hahahahaha! you crazy!
I am! Hey, Did we only get one e-mail or what?
It depends, do you need to develop software or a website?
No, I need to exorcise the ghosts from my laptop.
Do you need more money? Of course, we all do. sell your organs, live, over the internet. Wait, that doesn't sound right...
eBay!
Ah! Here's another short one. It's from Kyle? Yes, Kyle
-This is the first mailbag reply by the one and only bad roleplayer and writer kyle.
Zeromus SHOULD BE KING OF ENGLAND SO HE CAN RULE THE WORLD IN THE NAME OF ENGLAND AND ENGLAND CAN RULE MOST OF THE WORLD LIKE THEY USE TO.
golbez when controlled by Zeromus should be president of america so they won't get in the way when Zeromus tries to rule the world and kain should be president of Russia for the same reason.
Jing, you roleplay and write, right?
Occasionally.
Is he the one and only bad roleplayer and writer?
Are you implying I'm a bad roleplayer and writer?
No. I'm saying you probably have seen more than one in your days.
I've heard about more than 100 from my sister.
You hear that, Kyle? You aren't alone! Aren't you happy now? I'm not, I say all bad roleplayers and writers should get shot into the center of the SUN!
And join the disqualified non-president whateverhisnamewas. Don't ask ME.
Zeromus? I dont know who that is!
I do! Kind of.
England? what the- are you just making up countries? I guess its part of his roleplaying/writing
Possibly! England - Ingland, from now on it's mine!
JINGLAND!
Wait, I don't want bloody Zeromus as king of my country!
I will be the ambassador to Jingland, from Charlesvania. Wait why is it YOUR country? Who died and made you queen?
It's got my name on it! After a bit of tweaking.
oh! I seee... and Jingland is a no dolphin zone, right?
How is RUSSIA a threat anymore, anyway? Yes, it is! For the dolphin thing. Not Russia. Russia is just cold.
And the aquatic ferrets are free to soar through the skies, right?
Of course.
Russia can have the dolphins, they got ice and what not. To keep the dolphin meat fresh.
We only practice positive discrimination. Fresh for the soup. Hey, they've got lots of poor people in Russia, eh? Let them eat dolphin soup! Perfect! Another modest proposal!
No no no! If the poor people eat the soup, how are we gonna make profit from that? They arent gonna pay?
They'll have to work for it.
Stupid street urchins! They'll have to work in the dolphin mines!
What a concept.
We need people to pick through the ice to get to the frozen dolphins.
Let's lure them all into a bay and freeze it.
Let's lure them all into the bottom of the mines and then flood it! Is that what you're suggesting? Cuz I like the idea.
No, no, the dolphins.
We could make poor people soup too...
If we flood the workers, who'll work?
... robots
I ain't. Robots? Those cost money to build! There are tons of poor people just lying around!
But nobody can be spared!
Why not?
Are you getting soft on me, Jing?
No, you're getting uneconomical!
*gasp*
Poor people don't need to be built, eh?
You're right!
And they're used to not eating much.
I was getting carried away by my blood lust.
Yeah, you need to cool down.
Sorry, sorry.
No worries. Just repent.
Anyway, Golbez in the US... Sure, whatever works.
Yeah, it might be an improvment
What WOULDN'T be?
But not as improved as our new lemon herb dolphin soup! I tell you what I wouldn't want to be president. A dolphin! Or a aquaferret...
Right you are.
But once California branches away from America, we're gonna kick the rest of america's ass.
Cali is too warm.
It'll branch down to a less warm area of the planet, someplace better.
All of the US is too warm! Except Alaska.
Alaska rocks my socks! 29 days of night.
Sweet.
that is like... 2900% more night. If you vote for me, I'll make every day night.
*votes* Good, now do it. You didn't say you'd do it if you WON after all.
damn... you're right... but but but, I WAS talking to everyone, not just you
*looks around the cat*
Ahaha! chat* Freudian typo.
The viewers at home! You don't have a cat! Or do you...
No, but there are cats.
Do you see these cats now?
No, but they see me. From the shadows. Of my mind. They're in it with the dolphins! Aaaah! Spyware!
Sweet sassy molassy, I can see them! Wait... are you suggesting that dolphins are making spyware?
I bet they are, since they're so damn smart. And the cats distribute it. No one suspects a cat to be evi... er... nevermind.
Cats are evil.
Kittens!
That's why I love 'em.
Kittens distribute spyware for the dolphins! THAT'S the aquactic ferret theory.
I hate dolphins.
Let's join hands and sing hateful songs.
I dont know any.
Neither do I.
Damn.
I hate doplhins, worst of all the animals! There's one.
Oh? There can be only one!
Yeah. Too bad I don't have the link to the original. Neo!
Nuh uh, I am Charlemagne McLeod! I am, The Highlander!
Dun dun! Kefka for president.
For Sweden?
No, Luxemburg.
He'll poison you. You want that?
I don't live in Luxemburg.
It's all the same to him.
http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bild:LocationLuxembourg.png There's Luxemburg. The little black area.
Is that Iceland over there?
No, the UK. I think you mean the UK.
Is this map to scale?
No.
hmmm... where is Duckberg on this map?
Uh... Over there.
*looks frantically*
*sneaks away*
Jing? JING?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! DAMN YOU, DOLPHINS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELLL!!! I will avenge you, Jing!