RPG Classics Mailbag

...And THAT, my dear Pierson, is why the paradox of Schrödinger's cat translates into, at least in theory, infallible quantum encryption.

Hey, uh, TD?

Umm, can this wait, SG? I'm discussing the finer points of quantum mechanics with my dear friend Pierson, over here.

Umm, actually, THAT'S what I wanted to talk to you about. See, uhh...Pierson's been glued to your back for the past couple of months now.

That's preposterous. If that was true, how could I be talking to Pierson, who's standing right here, conveniently off camera to make up for his lack of sprites?

I could be wrong on this one, bro, but I THINK that may actually be a cardboard cutout of Pierson instead.

Really? How can you be sure?

Well, for one, it's really flat.

I believe you have it confused with your mother?

:O I see. Well, sir, you may have won the battle, but you WILL NOT win the war!

*Meanwhile...*

Any luck, 984?

It doesn't look good. Apparently Merlin left this place in pretty bad shambles.

Merlin?! Are you sure? What was he doing there?

Getting piss drunk, apparently. I could have coded the archives better with my fingers lasered off like that poor guy in the Resident Evil movie.

Merlin, drunk...well that WOULD explain the pianos...but it doesn't explain the crushed corpses or the painful moaning underneath them, none of which are Merlinian in origin.

He's a MEAN drunk. Kinda like Superman, only instead of Kryptonite he's got Pianos.

Maybe I should get a Kryptonite Piano put in the lounge. Y'know, ward off two drunken asses with one stone.

That's good thinking. But first, let's see how the sprite improvements are looking.

Roger that. Patty, do your thing.

Yes sir! ATTENTION!

Dood!

Hey look at me! I'm an RPG character without any background! Haha Just kidding Namco. Seriously though, the next Tales game better not suck, or ARF won't be the only one with a Kendama-shaped colonoscopy.

Ozzie can look to the left now without looking twice as huge for some weird reason! Now if only there was a joke there to back it up...

Hot single moms want to meet you,Fred!

Oh lord, not HIM again...Ozzie wants some better security software!

Wait a second, is that Raine?!

DOOD?!?!

Figures, I was hoping to make it through this special without getting blown up, but silly me...

That looks to be everything I fixed.

Well, everything seems to be in order. Now what?

Hmm...preview next week's mailbag?

Well, I don't have a whole lot to work with...I think I got only three entries. But I can say this: There will be transsexual reptites, among other bonus features.

"Bonus" isn't quite the word I'd use...

I don't like spring break anymore.