RPG Classics Mailbag

Got a nice amount of replies from this one. This week's question is about RPG characters' wardrobes (gotta love these crazy RPG companies for coming up with totally whacked-out ideas!) For starters, here's my choices. Worst-dressed character: Kuja from FF9. By far. And a bunch of people agreed with me. Also, I nominate Ashley Riot and Sydney Losstarot from Vagrant Story for the Most Overdone Gothic Look award. On the plus side, I think Claude from Star Ocean 2 has the most comfortable-looking threads. And for people who think video game players are hormone-crazed insane people, I want to point out that I did not get a SINGLE submission nominating Tifa for her clothes, or lack of them. There is hope in the world, my friends. On to our first clothes critic, Acerlyte.

Hiya Cidolfas,
This is the first time I've written in to the mail bag, but I've been reading it for a while. Anyway, on the topic of RPG wardrobes I'd have to say the strangest I've seen would have to be Kefka's, the colours (colors) are just REALLY wrong, I know he's meant to be nuts and all, but he's just gone to far! As for which one rocks I'd have to say either Sephy's or Magus' maybe even Lynx's (although his hats a bit um... different) gotta love them dark coloured cloaks :D
And for the last two questions, I'd have to say that Kuja's would be the last thing I'd want to wear around anyone period. Don't get me wrong, Kuja's an awesome villian, but 'his' (still not convinced its a man) dress sense is pretty bad, if its a man that is... To get off track a bit I'd have to say that if Kuja was a woman he(she) would have to be my most favourite villian of all time, but since he(she) is supposedly not, I'd have to say he(she) ranks about 3rd or 4th. Anyway, thats all I have to say, keep up the good work.

P.s. You certainly filled Macc's shoes rather well, good job.

Of course, anyone offering up shameless butt-licking is guaranteed to get on the mailbag... or I might shy away in disgust and chuck it in the trash and light it on fire; it's a fine line. Funny that you love Magus's stuff (I do too, don't worry) because Grefter seems to think it's pretty hilarious.

Um i am nervous, this is my first mailbag entry, but i have been reading them for a fair while now. EEEK. anyway, i think possibly the 2 biggest fasion statment in any rpg i have seen for a while would have to be Celine from Star Ocean 2 and Magus from CT,

first off i thik Celine is a very courageouslady to go around wearing a shower curtain. now Magus you have to be gutsy to wear that leather thing he does, um like a jock strap or something. Somehow he still managaes to be the single coolest character in any rpg around anyway, bye or something

EEEK, huh? Well, it's not that scary, don't worry, I'm not going to eat you. Although Ozzie's been hungry lately.

I object to that remark. I've never resorted to cannibalism. Although it's been tempting sometimes, grahhhr....

OK, *now* I'm freaked out. Ozzie, this is for your own good. *presses a DIFFERENT button and Ozzie falls down a DIFFERENT plot hole, just for variety's sake* Anyhow, if you think he's kidding about the shower curtain, he's not; just check the link. 8p And it is weird how Magus does go around with a very strange wardrobe and yet make it look like the most kick-ass clothing anyone's ever seen. Go figger. We now turn to our resident intellectual (of *course* we have a resident intellectual, in this case meaning people who actually know how to spell words like "ambience" and use capital letters), I Abdide.

For this particular question, I can type out a reasonably short answer. The most outlandish costume that I have seen in a video role-playing game belongs to Kuja (Final Fantasy IX), who, in his eerily effeminate glory, seems to bare more skin than quite a few female characters in similar costumes. The coolest costume that I have seen belongs to a different villain, Golbez (Final Fantasy IV), who combines the Dark Knight look and the Darth Vader look with anime shoulder pads to create a thoroughly intimidating ensemble. I would not mind wearing the traveling clothes sported by Ashton Anchors (Star Ocean: The Second Story), since they combine understated blacks and blues with conservative styling to establish a quietly impressive ambience. Though Kuja's costume is freakish, it is beaten out in that category by the Calvin Klein-ish outfit sported by Butetsu (Final Fantasy V), who also goes the effeminate route, in the Final Fantasy Anthology full-motion videos. I just realized that I sound entirely too much like a fashion critic, so I will stop here, but not before saying that the best overall costume ensemble award goes to the beautifully-garbed cast of Valkyrie Profile, a masterpiece of graphical detail.

Woo-hoo! I wonder who would have been nominated if FF9 hadn't come out yet? Kuja's stealing all the glory! And how exactly is Butz wearing Calvin Klein? I mean, I didn't know CK made leather stuff with sword scabbards. 8-) Anyhoo... we now go to a slightly confused Megaman X (a recent addition to Mysidia), who thinks Super Metroid is an RPG. Then again, that's a subject for several mailbags ago...

Er...he finnaly decided to send a reply? Uh-oh....

On the subject of Outfits in RPG's...well, this is a no brainer...
*insert Cid's corny remark*

Hah, you're not getting me to fall for that one! I'm not that gullible! Sheesh... that was corny in and of itself, wasn't it? Groan...

Samus's Varia+Gravity suit! *insert excuse to throw Ozzie down the plot hole*

Sorry, been there, done that.

Sure, it's made for a woman...but hey, considering the advantages...
1. Scorching air has no effect on you...
2. You can move freely underwater (including all those special jumps)...
3. Damage is halved!
4. You get a nice, metallic platinum-purple overtone (if the Varia's Orange or the original Red+Yellow is too ugly for your tastes).
5. It looks awesome.
6. It makes wielding a gun-arm Easy!
Besides, I doubt Samus made it herself...she probably got it at the local bounty hunter store, so I'm sure there are models for all ages, genders and species.

And here was I thinking it was just a random item scattered around Zebes. I've never understood why the pirates have Ice Beams and Morphing Balls just lying around waiting to be picked up by marauding space bounty hunters. Then again, I never understood who'd stick a chest with an ice sword in a volcano surrounded by ten miles of nothing, so let's just leave this bit right here. Next up is Mercurysm2. (Now there's a mouthful...)

Honestly, could you have made a more difficult topic?

Yes. I could have asked for a 400-word essay on the meaning of RPGs in life. But I was nice.

Each outfit is unique and fun, yet has hidden signs and characteristics of that person. Since I can't decide on anything, I have a few for best outfit. Setzer's outfit is just fabulous. So cool, yet sophisticated. Laguna has a simple, yet stylish look. Hawkeye has an odd outfit considering his role of assassin/ninja, but I love it. For women, Celes's goes along with Setzer and Rosa's goes along with that, also. I love the girl from Secret of Mana because she almost looks like a genie. :) Of worst outfits, I can't stand any of the outfits from Final Fantasy 9. I shudder when looking at the characters. For best outfits in a game, Final Fantasy 4. I guess I just like the era or time from which they came. Kinda medieval, kinda 1992. :) Regardless, there are so many outfits in RPG's it's hard to choose.

I know, people really let go sometimes in RPGs. They just go crazy. Like this guy, LiteYear.

Hello Cidolfas. This is my first time answering to your, or anyone's mailbag, and
First things First: Some curiousity questions.
First one: For Lunaris.

Yes?! What it is about? Is it about my FABULOUS Color Scheme of my NEW Power Armor?(Here if all of you don't know what I'm talking about)

What new weapons are you coming up with? I have a Pepsi Mega Shock Cannon v2.8 if you are interested. (Note: I think Pepsi is the 3rd greatest evil in the common world, but it sounds better than Coke-Cola Mega Shock Cannon. Plus, its liquid is highly destructive.)

Well, I DO have a new Nuka-Cola Missle Warhead, but it still in development...It dosent destroy engoud, ya know? Besides, Pepsi is just the 5th in world conquest. The others? Nintendo, Microsoft, Square and Rast(Check Macc's FARTS if you don't know what I'm talking about...AGAIN. :) ).
And if that not engoud for ya, I've got too a Razor-Chips Laucher, but as I saide with the other...they all under development.

Second One for Evil Cid

If Cidolfas becomes the perfect villian, will you be out of a job? Or will you have to become a nice, gentle alter-ego?

Hah! No way! I'd probably blow my brains out or jump off a bridge, 'cause I do NOT want to live in a world like that. Some things just should never happen.

Third, for Cid

Does Evil Cid share the same phsysic/physcial connection that Dark Macc and Macc share?

Absolutely not. He's just a cliched person who popped up because every mailbag host has to has an evil alterego. But I can do nasty things to him, as so... *presses a button; Evil Cidolfas is given a 10,000-watt shock and sizzles humorously* and not feel a thing. Ahhh, isn't freedom wonderful?

Fourth, also for Cid.

What happens if I press this big, overused red button right here? *smiles evily*
*A plot hole appears under Ozzie's feet*
Damn, that was supposed to appear somewhere else...Oh well.

That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it? Admit it!

Now to the question of the day.

RPG Fashion...hmmm. I personally like mage robes and capes. That would make my favorite wardorbe Magus'. Probably the craizest one I've seen is the chocobo suit. (Who wants to look like a chocobo? Unless those feathers hae metal disks inside of them.) If I absolutely hade to wear one RPG's wardrobe in public, it would be the hero's from Secret of Mana. (That game is the best game in existence. If anyone disagrees with me, I will send them a full rant on how this game kicks ass. Just ask Macc about my slam of Diablo 2 if you don't believe me.)

Oh, and one more thing. Edward, would you come here for a minute?

No! You're planning something insidious!

I just wanted to do this. *A beam of pure HCl (Hydrochloric acid, for all you scientificly inadept) races toward Edward, which was fired by me (The greatest evil in the common world)*

I object to that remark.

Hm? And what your gonna do about it, swift ass? I can kick/blast/rocket your butt to Alpha Centaury and back easly!

No matter how many times you whup my ass, I'm just gonna keep coming back! I call that pretty evil.

Pretty painful, too.

We all have to make sacrifices for our goals.

Sacrifice! What a good idea! Lunaris?

Awright! BANZAAAAIIIIIII!!!*rush after Evil Cidolfas brandishing a SUPER MEGA DEBIL MENTAL FOAM HAMMER OF ALL CREATION!! *

And now for yet another Mysidian (we have way too many of these), Faris Satzenine.

Hey Cid...been a while hasn't it? Well to make this short...Cid from Final Fantasy 6 is terribly dressed. He looks like a big yellow condom walking around. My god how could Celes call that man a grandpa? not even grandpas look that ridiculous! But if I could pick one that I would love to wear its Lynx's clothes...oh man how I would love to have that. And finally something I know chicks would dig is Squalls clothing...hehehe c'mon what girl wouldn't fall for that huh?
Well I gotta run, so I'll be on my leave...*smoke bomb*

Well, his clothes do wear well, but they'd be nicer if he wasn't so gloomy all the time...

... Shut your trap or I'll sue.

See what I mean? Feathy now has something to say on the matter, doesn't he? Yes, he does.

Hey, it's Feathy again, and I have to say: Wow! I've been waiting for this question a long time. What clothing would I like to have from an RPG character? Setzer's! He's got that kickass coat and that cool vest. I wish I had that, even though it probably smells odd. So which outfit do I hate the most? Probably Edea's. It's mostly the headgear that sucks, the slinky little black dress looks nice on her. The headgear and that stupid gauzy thing on her back. She looks like she's got a freaking shell on her head. Anyway...what outfit would I wear in the presence of girls? Well I can tell you what I wouldn't wear, that'd be Link's skirt. But what I would wear...that's a hard one. Probably whatever the hell Kiros wears. Just kidding, I'd wear Laguna's clothes. They're the most normal looking and probably look nice. Anyway, I gotta go. Thanks for reading this. Seeya next week.

I always thought Edea looked like Princess Leia without hair. Er, a bit taller and with claws, though. Next up we have the instigator of this madness, Megaman984.

Woohoo! You took my topic. This is the proudest day of my life. I feel so honored. Also, who told you about my inheritance. I will give it to you, but you have to sign a little contract. There is one small art of it you may not like though. It goes like this, "If any of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified."

Chico: Well, I don't know...

It's alright, that's in every contract! That's what they call a "sanity clause."

Chico: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...you can't fool me. There ain't no sanity claus!

Shut up Chico.

Ouch. Now we're stooping to Marx Brothers ripoffs. Hey, I'm sure I can prove I'm sane. All I need to do is get Lunaris to threaten a psychiatrist with a rocket launcher until he signs the damn thing. No problem.

Anyway, on to MY Mailbag Topic.

Oops, didn't I say any topic sent to me becomes my property forever? It's mine now! Mine mine mine! Er, okay, I'll let you borrow it for a bit.

The craziest clothes I've ever seen would be Nash from Lunar:SSS when he puts on a chicken suit or that guy dressed like a Hamachou on Hamachou Island on Skies of Arcadia. He's just funny looking.

Coolest looking clothes would have to belong to either Cloud or Sephiroth. I don't know why, but they just look cool. I doubt either of them would look cool if they dressed in frilly, pink tu-tus or clothes that a pig mystic wears.

HEY! These are a great fashion statement!

Sure. The statement is, "Hi, I'm a fat green Mystic wearing a mumu!"

A mumu?! I'm not fat! I'm just... er... horizontally challenged!

Vertically, mentally, and hygienically challenged, as well. Pee-yew!

I doubt that I would be embarressed if I wore what Vigoro wears in Skies of Arcadia. He gets to brandish a big cod piece. That's right. A cod piece.

I know this wasn't part of the question, but I would not want to walk around in Gilgamesh's clothes. They would hardly impress the ladies.

He never has to impress them. The reason being, he runs away too fast for them to even notice he's there.

I usually get freaked out when I see... You know what, know one's clothes have ever freaked me out. I've seen bosses that freak me out, but never anyone who wears clothes. I guess I'm only intimidated by naked monsters. That's sort of funny when you think about it.

I know these answers were short, but such is life. Besides, this was my topic, so I get to answer it any way I like! Ahahahahahahaha!

*Continues laughing until hit by a falling anvil*

Thanks, God, you saved me the trouble. Next up is Derek Allen.

Who has the craziest, funkiest attire? Well, I hope i'm not the only person who will come up with the anwser, General Militch, from suikoden. He dressed just as funky, if not more so that Kefka, which i'm sure many people named as the weirdest dresser around. And besides the crazy outfits, Milich has the attitude to go right along with it!

P.s. Put me in the mail bag, and happiness will follow =)

Okay, I did it. And I don't feel any happier. Pay up, bad boy! Show me the money!

Err, he never said anything about money...

Huh? Well, what else would happiness mean to you? A new mumu?

Let's just get off this topic, shall we? Pleeeeasssee?

Oh, all right... Our next contestant is Shade, who seems to have completely missed the point of this mailbag, but I need more filler space since everyone else's replies were so short.

It's Shade! (You remember, the guy who mentioned the Zelda-Rescues-Link storyline idea?) I'm writing in to this weeks mailbag, though I don't fully understand the topic. *Begins praying that he doesn't get a "You Messed Up" award for writing that last sentence*

If, by "Wardrobe", you mean "Armor", then SMRPG has the most unoriginal, and the armors in most RPGs are basically as follows: Leather, Iron, Steel, Magic(In some cases, magic armors have other names). You have thirty seconds to comment on this.

Actually-some-of-them-aren't-always-like-that-for-instance-in-FF-Tactics-there-were-lots-of-different-armor-types-and-stuff-and-in...

*DING* Time's up!

Now, on the other hand, if you meant the clothes that the characters actually wear, then I must say this: Don't you think their clothes get smelly if they wear them all over the place? Even in bed... Then again, they probably do their laundry when then game is not being played.

Well, that's all I can think to say on this subject, so I'll see you next week...

No, NO! They don't wear the same clothes! They have fifteen different sets of clothes, but they all look exactly the same. Whenever you stay at an inn they whip out a spare set from The Bag With All The Goodies, switch quickly, and next time you hit a river scene they wash it surreptitiously without you noticing. Huh, and you thought you actually CONTROLLED these people. 8p

Er, I DID actualy. Now you spoiled it to me! Basterd!

Finally we go to Chrono Cloud, aka Otakon, aka Ice Angel, aka Someone Who Really Needs To Decide On A Name.

Hmm, id ont know how many others thought of this, but :Gogos wardobe, has to be, both, the stupidest, and one of the coolest, around.
for one thing- it stupid, because well, how on earth in real life do you manage to move around in that many robes, without,
1-sufficating from the heat build up
2-moving around with like 5+ extra kilos of weight on you all the time..
its cool becuase-
1-its mysterious, covers all the body and face, cept for the eyes.
2-Gogo wears it, and Gogo is like on of the coolest charactors ever. Gogo should have a game to Gogos self,
(yes, i realise how stupid that sounds, but i cant give a sex to Gogo ...)
why didnt Gogo get into any other final fantasys beside 5+6?
Not fiar.
Now that puts aside the stupidest and coolest costume, theres one costume I wouldnt mind snatching for myself.
(if only just to say i have Gogos stupid costume) I prolly wouldnt be cought dead (Well, mabie dead) in public with it on. But in front of my friends, who know what is, I probably wouldnt mind wearing it, or to a fancy dress party.
thats all for today folks.
This is Otakon AKA Chrono cloud, signing out.

PS
Dont like my spelling errors? sue me.(figure of speech, dont, please, im a broke 15 year old with hardly anything to sue for.)
I proof read this twice, which is 2X more what i normaly proof read. so bleh.

I'm not gonna say it, I'm not gonna say it... I'll just show him very quietly the error of his ways...

And that's not just for the spelling, but that Gogo was also mentioned in FF9, so there. 8-) That's all for today, folks. I've gotten some great topics from people over the last couple weeks, which doesn't mean you should stop sending them in! But for now I'll go to one I got from Arcanius Dominius.

With Final Fantasy X on the way, now would be an excellent time to ask what features a "perfect" Final Fantasy should have. Job system? Limits? The Junction system? What would your ideal Final Fantasy be like?

So that's it. What makes the ideal specimen? Or do you think it's already been made? Spit in the general direction of cidolfas@rpgclassics.com. And just a pointer: try to send it in before Saturday night, because that's when I actually do the rough draft of the mailbag. Unless it really stands out, chances are it won't get in if I get it afterwards. And Lunaris, guess what? No one sent me a ridiculous song this week!

Daaaaaamnit! I wanted a reason to blast semone to smitters!

And with that in your heads, we sign off.

Seeya!

And no one saide anything about my coat....