RPG Classics Mailbag

OK! We got lots of people sending in RPG game shows. And they're all, to a man, completely insane. We like that here, don't we?

WOO-HOO!

Great! Let's get the ball rolling with RPGC's very own Mr. Saturn!

Ah... now, this is my kinda topic. First of all, it'd be the Big Money, Star Studded Match Game '78, and it'd be hosted by everyone's favorite fast-talkin', slam dancin' moogle, Mog. Mog would, of course, enter the set in a snazzy '70's tweed suit, and address the "stars," who are also RPG characters. Making up this weeks celebrity panel: From Final Fantasy VI, Edgar R. Figaro (gotta have a ladies' man on the panel), from Final Fantasy IV, Rosa (for the sensitive woman's appeal), from Lufia II, Dekar (gotta have the dumb guy), from Lunar 2: Eternal Blue, Lemina (for the ditzy and entertaining female), from Wild ARMs, Hanpan (because Hanpan said so), and from The 7th Saga, Esuna, who is cold and impersonal. The contestants will be random villagers from random games. Unfortunately, because they're random villagers, they're responses to every question are exactly the same...

Now, as I'm to understand, not everyone has seen Match Game. I find this hard to believe, but for those who haven't, I shall explain. Our host (normally the late Gene Rayburn, but in this case Mog) will ask a question. The question will go as follows:
"Locke was sick of people calling him a Theif. So, he had Celes help make him a nametag that said 'Treasure Hunter' on it. Unfortunately for him, she pinned it on his ________." Our panel of celebrities (as listed above) would then write down their best responses. Once all celebrities have finished writing, our host, Mog, will ask one of the two contestants what their best response to the question is. Once given, it is compared to the written answers of the celebrities. The contestant is given one point for each match. Afterward, the other contestant is given a different question.

I hope that makes my answer clear enough... If ever Mog was sick, we could always make a substitute host out of Earthbound's Mr. Saturn. That is, if anyone can understand him...

BOING! GAME SHOW ZOOM HOST I?

Exactly what I was thinking! Nex up is the LONG entry by Zulpes, who has a rather creepy idea...

Hello, hello, dear Ciderflow!
*Hopeful Pause* (Gimmie, or it'll only get worse.. o.O;)

I love this guy! Ciderflow! Hah, where do you come up with these, you deranged fanatic you!

.. *Ahem* ..
Here be yet another Mailbag entry from the one and only me, to the one and only you. Woo!
This weeks query, I believe, involved RPG characters and game shows. What would happen if one hosted their own? What, indeed..
Upon hearing.. er.. reading this question, the first image that popped into my brain was of psycho-Sephiroth peering over his answer card at a nervous contestant, and saying in an uber-calm, yet horribly evil voice: "... Is that your FINAL answer?"
Heh heh heh..
After a moment or two of thinking about that, I began wondering.. if Sephiroth really did have his own game show, what would it be like? And I began plotting..

Clear the decks! Run away! AUGH!

The show would take place in a large, darkened room, with rows of audience members surrounding all sides of the playing area.. The playing area itself would be several yards below the audience, sortof like a miniature stadium, and a clear glass dome would separate the audience from the play area. Plentiful exits would be present in the audience area, allowing spectators to come and go as they please. However, only one single exit would exist in the play area, on which numerous, heavily armed guards would be posted. Contestants would sit in a large, highly uncomfortable black leather seat. The chair would be specially made so that it was much to big for even the largest people, large enough so that they would barely even be able to reach up to the armrests, and the leather would be specially made so that it constantly stuck tried to your skin. Across from the contestant would sit Sephiroth, seated in a comfortable, black plush chair, sized especially for him.
Finally, between them both would stand a small, black, holographic table which would have the ability to show 3d images hovering five feet in the air.

Still with me?

Er, I lost you around "The show".

Well, it doesn't matter either way, because I'm continuing anyway.

Each half-hour show would consist of a single contestant being asked twenty questions by Sephiroth. Sephiroth would not make small talk, tell jokes, smile, or be in any way nice to the contestant. He would simply stare at them coldly as he told the rules of the game, and as he read the questions.
As each of the questions were asked, the questions would appear hovering above the table. Sephiroth would not hold any answer cards, nor would he make to look as though he was actually reading the words. He would simply stare coldly at the contestant as he spoke.. speaking each word roughly a second /Before/ it actually materialized. The contestant would then be given thirty seconds to answer the question.
There would be no multiple choice. There would be no life line. There would be no second chance.
Failure to answer the question correctly or within the allowed time limit would cause the contestant to be fed to 'Mother' Jenova. This would be accomplished by Seph pushing a large red button placed on the armrest of his chair. The contestants chair would then tilt forward, causing them to tumble forward into a newly opened trap door, below which would be Jenova. The door would thankfully be closed again before anything graphic could be seen.

Now, usually game show losers go off with nothin' or some useless "All Our Contestants Will Receive" prizes. The question, of course, is whether anyone would willingly enter a game show where the losers would get killed messily. 'Course it doesn't matter, 'cause ratings would skyrocket.

The questions would begin at 'VERY DIFFICULT', and gradually get harder, ending at 'OH PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, SOMEONE HELP ME'.

If, for whatever reason, the contestant attempted to escape the playing arena, they would be gunned down where they stood by the guards posted by the exit.. and then dropped down the trap door to feed 'Mother' Jenova.

However, in the unlikely event someone actually managed to finish the game, they would be rewarded as thus:
65,000,000 Gil
A Lifetime Pass to the Gold Saucer, with 500 spending GP
A Miniature Masamune Keychain
AND
Two Materia of Your Choice (Summoning and Master Materia not Available)

...
And that's it for the description.

And now! As if that wasn't enough, I know bestow upon you a small dosage of caffeine induced insanity, in the form of..

A sample episode!

Enjoy.. or somethin'.

...

~
Announcer: And now, it's time for everyones fave-o-rite game show..
Audience: WIN! OR! DIE!! *Cheer*

Sephiroth: *Stares coldly into the camera for a moment, then begins speaking in a dead monotone*
Greetings. I am Sephiroth, and this is 'Win or Die', the game show in which you either Win, or you Die.
Todays contestant is Super Boy, hailing from the land of 'Secret of Evermore'.

Hey! Wasent his name was Wonder Boy!? 'Cause it would change a lot in my "Kill Count" list!

Super Boy: *Waving frantically in the opposite direction of the camera* Hi, Mom!

Sephiroth: *Stares coldly at Super Boy. Without waiting to see if he's paying attention or not, he starts speaking again.* The rules of the game are as thus: I will ask twenty questions, and you will answer each one within a thirty second time limit. If you answer all the questions correctly and within the allowed time, you will win. Fail to answer a question correctly, and you will die. Fail to answer a question in the time allowed, and you will die. Do you understand?

Super Boy: *Turning back to stare at Sephiroth blankly* Huh? Um... no.

Sephiroth: Question One..

Super Boy: ... This chair is to big..

Sephiroth: What were the exact thoughts of Princess Zelda just before she was put to sleep in the second Zelda game?

Super Boy: Um... Hot dogs?

Sephiroth: That is incorrect. Now you will feed Mother. *Pushes the red button located on his chair, causing a Super Boy's chair to tilt forward sharply just as a trap door opens in the floor in front of it. Super Boy tumbles into the pit, the door closing soon after. After a brief moment of silence, Sephiroth turns back to stare at the camera coldly, and continues in his dead monotone.* That is all for today's show. Join us next time when our contestant will be Crono, of 'Chrono Trigger'. As always, the time unused for todays episode will be filled in with commercials. Thankyou. Goodnight.

*An explosion rocks the building as the trap door is blown open from the inside. After a moment, Super Boy steps out, holding his Bazooka.*

Super Boy: Did I win?

Sephiroth: .....

*The guards start firing at Super Boy, managing to miss with every shot. Super Boy happily blows them to pieces with his Bazooka, giggling stupidly all the while.*

Super Boy: Wee! Hehe..

Sephiroth: .....

Super Boy: *Turns to face in the opposite direction of the camera once again, and waves frantically.* Bye, Mom! *He fires his Bazooka again, the kickback causing him to fly right into the camera, destroying it.*

*Static.*

*Commercials.*

*End Transmission*

*Sniff*... It's so... dramatic! So true-to-life! So...

Absolutely moronic.

Isn't it beautiful? Next up is someone who's either Dark Sand or his alterego. Or both, of course.

Good day to you Cidolfa, Sand here, the not so evil twin of Dark Sand anyway here I was at 12:30 on the night before my finals wondering how I could kill time and then it hit me: a PSP, a canon that fire black holes; you can thank Andromeda for that terrible joke.

... OUCH.

Any way as for this weeks topic I think I've found the perfect game show for any rpg character: "Play the Slot"

And here's a sample episode
"-*Theme music*-
Announcer-Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to...
Audience-Play the slot!!!
Announcer-That's right, the game show where indebted rpg character try to strike it big by battling legions of the undead using only the slot command; and here's your host: Setzer Gambini.
Seltzer- Thanks every one and welcome to our show, today's contestant is a cat riding a giant stuffed Moggle possessed by a corporate spy; Please say hello to Cat Sith!
Cat- Thanks Sets it's great to be here.
Seltzer- Now Cat you know the rules you have to survive 8 rounds in the pit using only the slot command, you'll receive gills every time you win a fight, but remember the battles are real and we can't afford a first aid crew. So are you ready?
Cat- No first aid crew, eh... maybe this is a bad idea....
-*Mr. T comes up, grabs Cat Sith and throws him in The Pit*-
Cat- ARG!!!

Seltzer- it looks like he's ready folks, and here comes our first enemy a Zombie, oh this is so exciting...
Cat- Well here goes SLOT!
-*Lagomorphs*-
Lag- Mogu Mogu?
Cat- Oh crap! Here goes nothing, SLOT
-*Lagomorphs*-
Lag- Mogu Mogu?
Cat- Oh For Crying out loud, SLOT
-*Lagomorphs*-
Lag- Mogu Mogu?
Cat- Shazbot, SLOT
-*Lagomorphs*-
Lag- Mogu Mogu?
Cat- WHY WON'T THIS WORK!!! SLOT!
-*Bar: Carbuncle*-
Car-Wall
Cat- Oh for crisp sakes, SLOT!
-*Bar: Chocobo*-
Chocobo- Kick
-*Zombie Falls over dead, again, Cat gains 1000 gills*-
Cat- About time.

Set-WOW Ladies and Gentlemen what a show, can this possibly get any more exciting, and he comes the second enemy, a Draco-Lich, gee folks that was supposed to be our last monster, but I guess he ate the other chalengers.
-*Audience laughs*-
Cat-Oh I am so dead... Only one chance SLOT!
-*Lagomorphs*-
LAN- Mogu Mogu?
Cat-Eeps
-*Draco-Lich attacks 8000 damage to Cat Sith who somehow has 9999hp*-
Cat-I only have is my last hope for survival, SLOT
-*Falls on mystery box*-

Set- Amazing he fell on today's special prize box, that means that you get to pick 3 beneficial mystery spells from our wall.

Cat-Quick, quick I'll take box # 8-32-47
Set-Very good in that order the special spells are : STOP, QUARTER, and DEATH!
Cat-WHAT!!! YOU'VE GOT ME FIGHTING UNDEAD AND YOU PUT DEATH AS A BENEFICIAL SPELL, WHY I....
-*Draco-Lich freed from stasis, attacks Cat Sith 9999 damage, Cat Sith falls over dead*-

Set-My how tragic, is there a phoenix down in the audience.
-*Audience laughs*-
Set- Well guess not, In that case we'll see you next week on Play the Slot, when our contestant will be Edward."

Well that's All I can come up with at 1 am, now I really should get back to studying, after all I have a test in 9 hours.

Ooh, nasty, that one. What does everyone have against Cait Sith, anyway? I mean, first you completely spell his name wrong, and I'd give you an evil green smiley but this mailbag is long enough as is, and then you go and kill him in ghastly horrible ways! I mean, having a megaphone as a weapon can't force you to suffer such indignities... can it?

Why don't you try it someday?

No thanks, I'm trying to hold onto what can loosely be called my life... Our next contestant is...! Mabatsekker! I copied and pasted that 'cause I'd never be able to spell it on my own.

Okay... the best ever host would be (arguably, I know) Cid Highwind! Yes, the foulmouthed ***** would make an excellent host, like in my example:

Cid: Okay, what was the year in the imperial calendar when the high elves slaughter Magnus the Mad?

Contestant 1: uhh... 2756?

Cid: ... ain't that cute.. BUT IT'S WRONG YOU %$@&"#!! How 'bout contestant two?

Contestant 2: I like swords!

Cid: DAMMIT! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCHA ½§'*-?*!! You retards couldn't even count to ten if your life depended on it!!! *Shoves his spear up their @$$es*

Contestant 1&2: AAAAAAH!! OUR @$$es!!!!

uhh... that was about it I think....

And you, my friend, are the winner of Most Pointless And Juvenile Mailbag Entry for this week! Ozzie, what's his prize?

A big fat plot hole!

No, no... that's reserved for *special* people... hee hee... but we're willing to give you Quina. S/he's getting annoying, anyway.

No more yummy-yummies?

No, Quina, you're gonna go with the nice juvenile pointless man.

Don't wanna!

Sigh... Anyhoo. The next demented idea comes from Megaman984.

This is Megaman984, signing in (I paid attention).

Okay, let me rephrase this. How about people don't sign in AND don't sign out? It's starting to get on my nerves! And you know what happens when things get on my nerves!

You get nervous?

Exactly! I... no, wait, that's not what I meant... What was I talking about again?

Yee should try to take a few mentats...it cure memory losses, ya know?

Sure, and replace your brain with Swiss Cheese, yummy!

Yummy-yummy?

SHUT UP!

If a RPG character could host a game show, which show would it be and how would a sample episode go? Hmmm... I guess I’ll give you TWO answers: one about a character in an already existing show and another one about a character in a new show. Muhahahahahahaha!

For the real show, I’d take Locke and put him in The Price is Right. Let’s watch.

*Cool scene changing waving effect*

Ultros over an intercom: Hello everybody, and welcome to The Price is Right. Here’s your host, Locke Cole!

Locke: Thank you Ultros. Now our first contestant is from Seiken Densetsu 3, Angela!

*Angela runs down screaming and the whole SD3 cast patting her on the back*

Angela: Hi Locke.

Locke: Hi there. *Raises eyebrows*

Angela: Get away from me! I'm keeping my eye on you... ... ...

Locke: Okay. We have four more contestants. Our next contestant is...

*Show pauses*

MM984: Megaman984 here. I’m going to fast forward the show to the next good part.

*Show plays in super duper fast forward mode*

Locke: Okay, our next item up for bids is some Fairy Powder from Shining Force 2. Angela, it’s your turn, so bid.

Angela: Okay. Um... 167 G.

Gilgamesh: 200 G.

Vyse: Hmmm... 201 G.

Geno: 50 G.

Mog: 1 G.

Locke: I’m sorry, but you’re all over. I stole it, so the correct price would be 0 G. Uh-oh. It seems we’re out of time, so this Locke Cole saying good bye. And don’t forget to have your moogles spade or neutered.

Mog: Kupo?!

*Cool scene changing waving effect*

Now wasn’t that enlightening?

*Insert witty remark here*

Uh... I like swords. But not real ones, 'cause they're dangerous. Pixel ones are cool, though.

Personaly...I preffer guns....

Anyway, on to the made up show. It’s called "What’s the Best Way to Kill Edward?" It would be hosted by Edward. The contestans go the whole show naming the best way to kill Edward. Whoever wins gets to use his idea to kill Edward. Let’s watch a clip.

*Cool scene changing waving effect*

Welcome back to "What’s the Best Way to Kill Edward?" ! I’m your host, Edward. Our three contestants for today are Macc Maverick, a master of hurting me; Cidolfas, a master of hurting Ozzie; and Energon, a new comer to the show. Now let’s play "What’s the Best Way to Kill Edward?" ! Are you ready? Go!

Drop a safe on him!

Make him fall through a plot hole!

Energon: Make him fight a dandelion!

Push him off of the edge of the Mailbag!

Let Lunaris test his weapons on him!

Energon: Make him clean Bahamut’s dragon stable!

Throw him at a milk-deprived Mr. T!

Make him listen to songs put in the Mailbag!

Energon: Cover him in chocolate and throw him in a crowd of sugar deprived kindergarteners!

Oooooooooooh...

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Now here’s your prize, I get to be killed in the manner you suggested!

*Exdeath grabs Edward, covers him in chocolate, and throws him into a group of kindergarteners*

*Kindergarteners start to eat Edward*

Oh! It hurts! Get them off of me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

*Cool scene changing waving effect*

Well I hoped you enjoyed that. This is Megaman984, signing out.

Actually, I kinda did. You can tell, 'cause I let you use pictures. 8-) I still fail to see how Edward would actually host a show bent on killing him, but the people who write into this mailbag are a homicidal lot, so of course little things like logic don't faze 'em. We next have Dan, aka Link whatever, aka Danman5311Danman5311Danman5311!

This is Dan signing in,

An RPG character that would be perfect for hosting a game show would be Gilgamesh! That's right Gilgamesh! Let's see now, what show would he host...hmmm...ah, yes that's it! Gilgamesh would host "Who Wants to Battle Gilgamesh"!

The show would go as follows:

Gilgamesh will ask the contestant a series of general trivia questions. After each question (if the contestant got it right) the contestant would have to battle a monster, every five questions would be a battle with a boss monster, and the contestant will earn money from each battle as well. Here's the chart:

Question 1: Goblin, $100
Question 2: Bat, $200
Question 3: Imp, $300
Question 4: Hell House, $500
Question 5: Mist Dragon, $1,000
Question 6: Bomb, $2,000
Question 7: Gigas, $4,000
Question 8: Abomination, $8,000
Question 9: Wizard, $16,000
Question 10: Magus, $32,000
Question 11: Tonberry, $64,000
Question 12: Mover, $128,000
Question 13: Magic Pot, $256,000
Question 14: Ozzie (who will always get beaten), $500,000
Question 15: Gilgamesh, $1,000,000

When the contestant battles Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh's music "Battle With Gilgamesh" will play throughout the whole battle.

This show will proceed similarly to "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?", if the contestant runs away from battle, he/she keeps all the money that he/she has earned up to that point. If someone is knocked out during battle, he/she gets only the money from the last boss battle. On a side note, if the contestant wishes, he/she will be able to battle Exdeath if he/she beats Gilgamesh. This is Dan signing out!

Another one... another signee, and another RPG character hosting a show bent on his own demise. Anyone have an entry that doesn't involve mutilating something? Oh, wait a sec, Future Trunks does. Er, but if you haven't played FF9 you won't understand anything from it.

Everyone's favorite little perverted monkey-tailed man, Zidane Tribal, would host the Dating Game. Except in his version, there's an added 4th Girl, and he's also the one looking for a date.

Sample Episode:

Zidane- Girl #1, what would your dream date be like?

#1(Freya)- A man with a tail would come pick me up after a day of adventuring and we'd have a romantic dinner at Burmecia... well... that is if it was still standing.

Zidane- Y'know, I have a tail.

#1: I meant Fratley,loser.

Zidane- Ouch. Anyway, Girl #2, what's your favorite passtime?

#2(Garnet)- Singing.

Zidane- That's nice. #3, why do you want a date?

#3(Eiko)- I don't wanna be alone anymore...

Zidane- He used her quote! Could Trunks be any cheaper?

#3- Nope.

Me- Shut up!

Zidane- Number 4, where would you want to go on your date?

#4(You-know-who)- Me go to yummy-yummies place!!!

Zidane- Alright... #1, what was your past like?

#1: I don't know.

Zidane- Why not?

#1- Does anyone in this game remember their past?

Zidane- Good point. Girl #2 Are you-

#3- Are you ignoring me?

Zidane- No, I'm just goin in or-

#3- I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE!!!

Zidane- Fine! #3! I like my girls hot and young. How young are you?

#3- I'm 6.

Zidane- Well, that is young... Anyway, #4. If you could spend a night alone with me, what would you do?

#4- EAT YUMMY-YUMMIES!!!

Zidane- I meant romance.

#4- Is Romance tasty?

Zidane- Well, I think I've made up my mind. I like #1 and #2.

#3- I have to be alone! WAHHHH!!! *runs away*

Zidane- But Number 1 has a nice attitude, which I like, so I pick #1.

OooOo...the suspence!

*Freya walks out*

Zidane- AHH!!! IT'S A RAT THING!!! NUMBER 2! NUMBER 2!

Right...

Sheez... for the last time, Quina's NOT a girl. S/he's not a guy either. S/he's androgynous, I guess. I never went into details. Our last (well, mostly last) entry comes from the runner-up for Typo King and Corny Person, Rirse.

Hey Cidolfas, it been a while since I wrote in, but meh I keep forgeting to sent in a e-mail before Sunday. Anyways on your topic of "if an RPG character could host a game show, which show would it be, and how would a sample episode go", I would Kain from Final Fantasy 4. If you ask why, then it just seem to make for a more corny show, and plus Ozzie digs those dragoons(remember that poster of Freya on his wall, Cid?). Well let get started with the pilot of Kain's Price is Right.

Annoucer: It RPG's new game show about giving away prizes. Price is Right starting your host Kain Whateverhislastname.

Kain: Greeting everone to the new Price is Right. Bob Barker had a little "accident" with Gigamesh last month and sadly passed away. So CBS cancel the show, but due to my ties with the king of Baron, I was choosen to be the host. Now we must began the show.

Annoucer: Are eight players today are Edward the spoony bard, Ozzie the annoying Mysidia, Pokey the fat evil traditor, Pikachu the evil Pokemon from below, Peer the evil owner of the internet, Golbez my msater and boss, Kefka the insane general, and CAT the man with bad grammar. Now come on down to the Price is Right you all or have a meeting with Lunaris*they run down*.

Kain: Well let start with this prize sword from the Garland collection. What is my bid for this sword.

CAT: I BID ON $500.

Ozzie: This is a lame prize, Kain.

Kain: Don't talk without using a cash sign in your speech.

Ozzie: Shut up Kain.

Kain: No, I will just kill you instead*jumps up in the air and hits his head on the rafters and falls down*

Annoucer: Kain has killed himself. I guess we are cancel then. It all because of Ozzie.

Ozzie: Well that because I'm the man*goes to take all the prize*.

Annoucer: Well that all I guess.

Golbez: Idoit, I didn't get a chance to mess with his mind to win the game...I mean get up on the stand.

Pikachu: Pika.

CAT: UP SHUT YOU.

Okay... that was almost as pointless as that @$$ person's entry. Nowhere near as juvenile, though. We've had our run of corny topics (send some more in, people!) so I'll insert a serious one for next week. This one's again by Arcanus Dominius. What makes an RPG "memorable" to you? What makes things stick in your mind or your brain? Send them to cidolfas@rpgclassics.com and I'll be sure to delete them as soon as I... er, I mean, I'll take REAL GOOD care of them! Honest! I now leave you with Jarlaxle's insanely long and fairly interesting RPG take on Survivor (c'mon, you knew it had to happen).

Seeya!

I missed last week's mailbag because I was busy with the ladies, heh, so I, being a regular mailbag submitter, will grace you all with my quick ideas for last week's mailbag, and then answer this week's one. Happy? I thought so. Ahem.

Tifa would move to Japan and become a Geisha, because, well, look at her, Aeris would be a swimsuit model, Rinoa would fill in for Lucy Liu on Ally McBeal, Cloud would probably join up with the terrorist group Hamas, and Setzer would win an award for his review of the subtitled movie, "Croupier."

As for this week's mailbag, I'm gonna run a string of Survivor from beginning to end. I'll try to make it short, but it might be long. Whatever, read it, it'll be interesting. (and I worked LONG AND HARD on this so PLEASE put it in the mailbag)

Host of Survivor IV, Cave of the Marsh - Cecil

Cast of 16
Tribe Intangir - Sabin, Barret, Edward (spoony bard!), Seifer, Relm, Aeris, Quistis, Yuffie
Tribe Omega - Zidane, Kain, Strago, Cyan, Tifa, Selphie, Eiko, Edea

Day 1 - Intangir, headed by the strong arms of Sabin, Barret, and Seifer, reach their camp first, and quickly build up a suitable shelter for the first night. Sabin quickly gains the favor of Quistis due to his large muscles. Seifer gets on Edward for not taking charge and aiding the women. Omega has some trouble getting to camp, and Kain and Eiko have a small argument which is broken up by Strago. Zidane finds Selphie all over him, and he likes it.

Day 3 - Immunity Challenge - Sabin and Barret head the charge through the mucky marsh, and reach the other side of the swamp, but Zidane and Kain use their agility to slither through the tight obstacles. In the end, it's Tifa and Selphie who win out over the straggling Relm and Quistis, to gain immunity for Tribe Omega.

Tribal Council - Edward (1 vote), Quistis (2 votes), Relm (5 votes) - Relm, the tribe has spoken.

Day 5 - Tribe Intangir - Happy because of the lack of Relm, the tribe gets along well, except for Edward and Seifer. The tribe defends Edward from Seifer's harsh words. Yuffie and Aeris form an alliance. Tribe Omega - Zidane and Tifa spend much time together alone, unbeknownst to Selphie, drawing suspicion from other group members, particularly Strago and Cyan. Edea and Kain form an alliance.

Day 6 - Immunity Challenge - Without Relm, Intangir grabs an early lead, but Edward is too afraid to swing on a vine across a canyon despite Seifer's insistence, and Strago is helped over by Kain. Immunity again for Tribe Omega.

Tribal Council - Edward (3 votes), Seifer (4 votes) - Seifer, the tribe has spoken.

Day 8 - Intangir - Yuffie gets on Barret's nerves, and he explodes on her. Barret is disciplined by Aeris as she tries to make peace. Sabin watches in silence. Omega - Tifa and Selphie form an alliance, and Zidane realizes he can't have both of them, so he forms a secret alliance with Edea and Kain. Strago takes Eiko fishing.

Day 9 - Immunity Challenge - The smaller numbers of Intangir help them to finish the obstacle sooner, as Strago lags behind for Omega. Immunity to Intangir.

Tribal Council - Kain (1 vote), Strago (2 votes), Cyan (2 votes), Eiko (3 votes). Eiko, the tribe has spoken.

Day 11 - Intangir - Barret and Sabin fight, Sabin stops, but Barret gets mad and yells at Yuffie again. Omega - Cyan latches on to Strago, and Zidane plays Tifa and Selphie like puppets.

Day 12 - Immunity Challenge - Cyan leads Omega with his to-the-point commands, Barret gets too angry and in frustration, costs Intangir immunity. Immunity to Omega.

Tribal Council - Edward (2 votes), Barret (4 votes). Barret, the tribe has spoken.

Day 14 - With Barret and Seifer gone, Intangir is at peace, and Quistis and Sabin celebrate together, alone. Yuffie tries to get Edward, but he's too annoyed, and Aeris watches Sabin and Quistis with caution. At Omega camp, everyone feels secure, but a pep talk from Zidane and Selphie keeps them on their toes.

Day 15 - Immunity Challenge. The new team chemistry and lifted spirits of Intangir allows them to blow away Omega. Immunity to Intangir.

Tribal Council - Kain (2 votes), Cyan (5 votes). Cyan, the tribe has spoken.

Day 17 - Intangir - Edward and Quistis form an alliance, Sabin keeps his distance from everyone. Omega - Selphie catches Zidane kissing Tifa, and gets mad at him.

Day 18 - Immunity Challenge - Intangir is on a roll, and wins immunity easily thanks to Aeris. Immunity to Intangir.

Tribal Council - Zidane (2 votes), Selphie (4 votes). Selphie, the tribe has spoken.

Day 20 - Tribal Merger, the new tribe is Tribe Shinryuu. Zidane replaces Selphie with Yuffie, and fools both her and Tifa. Edea and Kain get Edward to ally with them. Sabin doesn't like Zidane's way with women, Strago tells Tifa about Yuffie.

Day 21 - Immunity Challenge - Sabin, without many confrontations, wins easily. Immunity to Sabin.

Tribal Council - Strago (1 vote), Kain (4 votes), Zidane (5 votes). Zidane, the tribe has spoken.

Day 23 - Aeris talks nice to Kain, Strago allies witih Sabin and Quistis, Sabin disconnects from Edward, but discreetly. Yuffie gets on Edea's nerves.

Day 24 - Immunity Challenge - In an adrenaline-filled charge, Tifa wins immunity at the last moment over Sabin. Immunity to Tifa

Tribal Council - Yuffie (4 votes), Sabin (5 votes). Sabin, the tribe has spoken.

Day 26 - Edea, Kain, and Edward keep their alliance under wraps, Aeris decides to ally with Tifa. Edea has a tiff with Yuffie, and Kain gets on Strago's nerves.

Day 27 - Immunity Challenge - Aeris grabs an early lead, but Kain comes back to think he's won, but he doesn't qualify b/c he has lost his fire. Immunity to Quistis.

Tribal Council - Edea (1 vote), Aeris (3 votes), Yuffie (4 votes). Yuffie, the tribe has spoken.

Day 29 - Strago helps out Aeris and Tifa while catching fish, Quistis and Edea have a long talk about life. Kain goes on a long solitary walk.

Day 30 - Immunity Challenge - Kain and Tifa tie for the lead, but Kain wins out. Immunity to Kain.

Tribal Council - Tifa (1 vote), Quistis (6 votes). Quistis, the tribe has spoken.

Day 32 - Tifa breaks through to Kain, and gets him to be more of a team player. Aeris and Strago go fishing again. Edea builds chairs with Edward.

Day 33 - Immunity Challenge - Kain wins by a long shot. Immunity to Kain

Tribal council - Strago (3 votes), Edea (3 votes). Edea has 1 prior vote, Strago has 3. Strago, the tribe has spoken.

Day 35 - Aeris and Tifa seduce Edward into allying with them, Kain and Edea's alliance is discovered when they show disappointment when Edward goes swimming with Tifa and Aeris.

Day 36 - Immunity Challenge - Kain, tired from winning the last 2, gets beat by Tifa. Immunity to Tifa.

Tribal Council - Aeris (2 votes), Kain (3 votes). Kain, the tribe has spoken.

Day 38 - Edea becomes desperate and spends the day with Aeris while Tifa and Edward continue their relationship.

Day 39 - Immunity Challenge - Tifa destroys the competition. Immunity to Tifa.

Tribal Council - Aeris (1 vote), Edea (3 votes). Edea, the tribe has spoken.

Day 41 - Tifa, Aeris, and Edward celebrate their long standing alliance when Edward admits being attracted to Tifa and not wanting to help Kain/Edea but doing so to help himself, even though they were using HIM as a 3rd wheel, he beat them by siding with Tifa/Aeris.

Day 42 - Immunity Challenge - Aeris, with her great memory b/c she's a Cetra, wins immunity. Immunity to Aeris.

Tribal Council - Tifa (1 vote). Tifa, the tribe has spoken.

Day 43 - Tifa, Edea, Kain, Strago, Quistis, Yuffie, and Sabin are on the final council. They vote for who they want to WIN. Tifa votes for Aeris, Edea for Edward, Kain for Edward, Strago for Aeris, Quistis for Edward, Yuffie for Aeris, and the final vote...Sabin votes for..

AERIS IS SURVIVOR OF SURVIVOR IV, CAVE OF THE MARSH!

Geeez, that was long...does Survivor is ALWAY that long? Shessh....