RPG Classics Mailbag

I am shocked. I am embarrassed. I am overwhelmed. I am -

HEY! I was getting to that!

Well, I beat ya to it!

Go away. Anyway, the topic I thought was so stupid ended up getting so many responses that I'm gonna extend it for a week! If you recall, the topic had two parts: firstly, to name your favorite job class, and secondly, to make one up yourself. I got about the same amount of replies here to both sections, but I'm gonna concentrate on the "ones you liked" replies and leave the rest for next week. Plus you can still write in if you want! Some folks sent in answers to both questions, so a bunch of those are in here too. I'm not feeling particularly funny tonight so if it's not as weird as usual, bite me.

That's kinda gross.

Er... see, if I was feeling funny I'd have something really biting to say about that, but I don't, so I can't think of any. Depressed yet?

Well...there no pink goo on your glasses anymore, at least I guess.

Nice try. Almost forgot about that mess till you reminded me... Oh well. Our first runner-up is Donald Marco.

Hey, Ciddy & co! First, referencing Earlier Mailbags. Mr. Saturn: I have a good "Match Game" question for you. GENE (or his replacement): HEY! Have you heard that the Pokemon world is doing a "Match Game" of their own? Though I think they take their Anime and Our Act a little too seriously. They have Misty replacing Brett Summers and Ash replacing _______

And in reference to last week's... Hm... I wonder if Lunaris & Lucca have something going on... I mean they both invent, they both have a tinge of madness in them, they both have REALLY Powerful Weaponry...

EWWW!

Brrr...I hope your not serious! She do techno-babble, I don't!....We however got that weapon part....But she don't have Planetary Assault cannons! HAH!

But anyway... Job Classes. There's a LOT That are good for fighting and such... and I can't really give a favorite... EXCEPT in the Support Category. And That's the Chemist in FF5. Not only does this guy get double milage out of potions and get to drink the special concoctions, but Chemists can also Cure HP, Heal Status Ailments, and... could it be?... YES! REVIVE FALLEN COMRADES WITH THE USE OF A COMMAND SKILL THAT COSTS ZERO, YES I SAID ZERO MP! Sure Chemists are as bad as Black Mages in a fight, but still, I'd LOVE to have one on MY 4-5 person Party at ANY time.

[Donald Marco]

Oh, and My answer to the "Match Game" question at the beginning of the response would be "Charles Nelson Riley."

Er... right. What he said. Match Game. Anyone have any idea what he's talking about?

BOING! CONFUSED PERSON IS.

You got it, my strange whiskered friend. Next up is... er, PS2Princess, who reminds me a LOT of a certain guest mailbag person from a few weeks ago...

Hey there Cidoflas!

Sigh... why do you not get the point...?

You have to start thinking about giving people that for other reasons than misspelling your name.

Nah. It's bad enough as is. I'd like to see a single mailbag where no one misspells my name...

You've already got a whole bunch of those!

Well, that's before the green guy got famous, see?

howz it goin? dont mind if I use getto talk,do ya?

That's not ghetto talk. That's just slightly insane and hyperactive talk. S'far as I know, anyway.

Well anyway, before I get on about which job class I like, I just wanna say STOP PICKING ON OZZIE! I mean, come on, its GOT TO get boring sometime? POWER TO THE PIG PEOPLE!

YAY, I got my own union!

Er, nope. See? *shoves contract in piggy face* Paragraph 114, subparagraph (b), clause 24: "The undersigned is forbidden to have a union, guild, group, party, or any friends at all."

YOU'RE EVIL!

No! No he's not! I'm evil! Fear me! Pleeeease!

Heheheh... you're funny.

AHHH! Crazy gun-toting techie lady! *runs away*

*adjusts glasses* I have that effect on way too many people.

he he, dont mind me, i just ate 30 reeses cups and 2 liter jug of Pepsi....ackkk,i dont feel good. ok,the job class i like best has gotta be the holy knight form Final Fantasy Tactics and FF 9(Beatrix was a holy knight,remember?). i love how they can dish out sweet magic and still do a crap load of damage with physical attacks. If i could make up my own job class,it would be called dargons, they would be a dragoon/lancer and a summoner put together,so you could use jump when you run out of MP to cast summons, sweet. o yea, and one last thing, could you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let ME drop Ultros through a loophole??!!?! i REALLY hate him, and i have wanted to get revenge on him ever since he beat me on FF VI (Anthology),PLEASE??!!?? yippee! :: pulls a lever and Ultros falls through a loophole and ends up in the Gold Saucer where he will be tortured by being forced to dress up in one of those stupid, fat chocobo costumes till he totally loses it, MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!:: :) Its the Pepsi! i swear! :D
chow!

... Loophole? Someone bang this person on the head with that neat Foam Hammer thingy.

Uh..um...you see, I lost it when I went on my lastest Killing Rampage with my Goliath III....

Huh? You mean you now have NO humorous weapons that don't actually do any damage? You're limited to weapons of total mass destruction?

We is in deep doodoo.

Mwhahaha! Yes yes! Fear me and run away or you will be blasted to tiny bits!

Yeah, what he said! OK, a few more things... Ultros has never appeared in my mailbag and your - ahem - *loophole* dropping will have to be taken up with Macc, not me. And I have one last thing to say. 30 REESE'S CUPS? O_o That's enough for several meals. All of which, you will note, are 90% sugar, 10% fat, and with no actual nutritional content. Then again, that describes most fast food meals, except that the fat and sugar contents are switched. Ahem. Onto Future Trunks, who seems to agree with almost everyone else.

Hi Cidofilas!

It's a conspiracy, isn't it? You're all out to get me!

Heehee... he said conspiracy! *ten thousand pound weight drops on head*

Glad to see you back! I'm gonna get straight to the point on this one. In my opinion, the coolest Job Class is the Summoner. I just like the idea of being able to take some of the most powerful creatures in the galaxy and make them do your bidding. I have a couple of ideas that would make the Summoner even cooler though.

They should create a game where you're the summoner, and instead of saving the world, you must destroy it, using an assortment of demons, golems, elementals, etc. It would be an easy game, where you just took control of your creature and terrorized citizens. No puzzles or epic storyline, just a good way to blow of steam.

Also, in games with puzzles and epic storyline, you should be able to summon monsters and make them permanent allies, or at least travel with you until they die, in which you would have to Summon them again. That would be fun. Anyways, there you go. Oh, and by the way, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Father's Day?! I'm not a father! Oh, it's cause I said I had a beard a while back, isn't it? Well, forget about it! I got a while to go and I ain't rushing myself! Sheesh!

DADDY!!!

AUGH! How did... er, Lunaris, do something not nice to this unwanted piece of baggage, please.

B..but...she so CUTE! I mean, it a little girl! I can be a mellow guy sometimes!

JEEZ! *quickly presses button marked "For Merlin Only"* *grand piano falls on kid* Phew, just in time. *sees everyone staring at him* It was a demon in disguise! It was! I swear!

Your fingers are crossed.

*uncrosses fingers* Are not!

Well, they WERE!

And... and... and you're ugly, NYAH! Anyway, Trunks' last point sounds a lot like Pokemon, a bit. Er, that coming from someone who's never played the game, of course. We now have a short intermission from FFFanatic:

Oh by the way, the name's FFFanatic not JesR12

Then sign it next time! Geesh!

My favorite job is summoner. I mean who wouldn't want to be able to call upon bug hairy monsters and hot blue chics (Shiva). Well of course every game is different with summoners. Some you might summon real creatures while you summon monsters in another. MY favorite kind is like in FF8 where you battle them to earn them and then you can call upon them. Of course I read that in FF10 when you call upon them they stay out and battle until you tell them to go back which is even better than FF8.

Er, right. What he said. Jarlaxle actually has a *different* class he likes. *everyone claps*

Well I never do flashy entrances, so <Door opens and Jarlaxle struts in>

There. Sorry about imploding you last week Cid, and disposing of your pal Ozzie in a "bloody heap." But of course, I had to win, since it was my mailbag entry.

Hey, yeah. How'd you get back here so fast?

I got better.

The coolest RPG job class??? Since I'm too lazy to make up my own, or will have to explain too much about it if I do, I'm gonna pick, well, the coolest.

And it HAS to be...........The Calculator! Yes, that durned Math Mage that takes hours upon hours to train to perfection, was the most useful member of my party (except Orlandu) and was so much fun to use. He also helped immensely on multi-level battlegrounds such as Bariaus Hill. Imagine casting Reraise on all your party members, or Holy on all your enemies, or even Don't Move or Don't Act on all of them. Amazing! Sure, it didn't work every time, but equip the right armor or weapons and you can only hit one or 2 of your guys while hitting 4 of theirs, while your guys suffer minimal effects or absorb the attack.

A thorn in the side of some players due to its high level of AP and extremely slow movement, the Calculator was my hero and favorite character to use. The best part was not the fact that you could hit multiple characters, but that you could have one character use Black, White, and Time magic while hitting multiple characters, and not even moving to do it! You could hide in a corner behind a rock and launch volley after volley of spells at your enemies or heal your allies. Incredibly useful, and not to be taken for granted.

<door opens and Jarlaxle walks out. Door closes.>

I actually ended up getting and using a Calculator myself. It was kinda neat, but no, it wasn't really worth it, since Orlandu and a Ninja or two did the work easily themselves. I even ended up using Reis, I may say. Not Rafa or Malak, though; I never stooped that low. Klarth is up next, and guess which class he likes? Three guesses, and none of 'em count.

Er... doesn't that kind of destroy the idea?

Shh! I can't hear his e-mail!

Gooday, Cid, Ozzy, and everyones obvious favorate Lunaris. Klarth is back once again to entertain you with another one of my infamous commentaries. The question today: What is the greatest RPG class? Why the answer is obviously the summoner. As you know, most magic comes from drawing the power from some divine creature, or element. But heck, if i were an element, i would get pissed if some mage was drawing my power every 5 seconds to kill some level 20 troll. But thats where a summoner is different then a mage (or wizzard or magician or spirit tamer to those who played Quest 64) When a summoner wants to kill a level 20 troll, he does it with style, "screw drawing power" he/she might say "i'll just call the crazy element up to cast magic for me". This eliminates the middle man (who TV has told us is EVIL!), thus making the summoner a very happy person along with the element who isn't having his energy drawn from his body (note the informational chart i sent you). When you think about it, it makes sence, would you rather set up a web page yourself, or have some idiot take some of the information out of you head and try it for himself? The same goes for magic. Have the element do it for you! He won't screw it up, casting magic is what they were born to do! The art of summoning is not without its downfalls though. Once you start summoning elements, you start having to deal with elements. They will start out small with their demands, first they'll want donuts on fridays, next, they'll all band togeather and start a union (Summoned elements District 82), then they'll be asking for a dental plan, and sooner or later they'll be asking for their own dern parking spot! A summoner only has so much power! They can't meet every elements demand! Shiva always wants the office cold, while diablo likes it very hot. And Maxwell is always bickering with Rahmah about wasting electricity. Well a summoner's life is a hard one, but its well worth it in the end. Now if you will excuse me, i have to settle a dispute over the dress code with Siren. See you guys later, and don't listen to the false promises of Cid's evil twin.

I will give you ALL free parking spaces! And stock options! Vote for me!

Er... dude-person-thingy-weirdo?

Yes?

Who are you talking to?

All those summoned elements. See? *waves*

*looks in the direction of the wave* There's no one there, you see.

Ah, but... but they COULD be there, no?

You know, I think I'll keep you on just to boost my ego from time to time. Anyway. mrbaggs is up next.

This is my first mailbag send in, but I've read em all. You can call me mrbaggs, and Ozzie, no jokes about the name....

Hey, Cid!

What, Ozzie?

What has no eyes and reads mailbags?

I dunno.

Mrbaggs! See, there's no "i" in his name, and...

BLUUUURG! *blast Ozzie with his NEW Super-Duper-Hyper Melon Catapult!* Don't you DARE doing that again!

I'm sure there's a "no bad puns" clause in the contract too...

Anywho the coolest job they have in an RPG is of course, BARD! Just think! With a megaphone or a TV broadcast he could kill whole cities with one song! Edward Rules! (I have to say that because i play him on FFMUSH!) Other that bard, I would have to say..... Hrm. They should make a class called Lunatic! No wait, Lunaris already has that one.... How bout ahhhh Moron! No Ozzie's got that one covered more than is good for him. Okies here goes! I got one! Drunk!

Alcohol increases accuracy, but causes him to attack teammates. That's all I got for now. I shouldn't write e-mail drunk....

No indeed. If you were sober you'd NEVER have written something like that, right? On account of cause it makes no sense, yes?

Does that mean you're usually drunk?

Nope, never touched the stuff.

But a lot of the things YOU do makes no sense.

I've got *natural* alcohol, y'see. Makes life so much more interesting! *stands on head and dances on the table*

Whoo! *throws him money*

Okay, that joke went way too far. How about hearing from LiteYear?

*Oh, you know what happens already.*

YES! No stupid dramatic entrance! I have been fulfilled!

Hello again Cid. I am sorry for the semi-graphic visit I treated your readers last time, so to make up for it, I will get straight to the point. I attrubite my graphictiviy of last weeks visit to a combination of the effects of playing Diablo 2, Tiberian Sun, reading a very graphic book, and reading Celes's mailbag.

Yep, that'd make anyone homicidal.

Well, you see, it kinda hard to make me homicidal since I am ALREADY! But that made me more homicidal than usual, if such a thing existe.

Ok, so your asking me what my favorite job class is? Well, that's easy. I really like mages. Any type of elemental mages will do. Mages are cool, sorcerrors are cool, witches suck, archmages are cool, warlocks are cool, enchanters are kind of cool, liches would be really cool, except I don't like the undead thing that they have going on. Kind of creepy, having to die to get ultimate magic powers.

Anyway, if I had to make a class, it would definetly be an elementalist. An elementalist is the supreme mage, one that can literally bend the elements to his will. He can do all stuff other magic users can, but also manipulate nature to his will. He could change air into poison, water into ice, air into earth, and anything else he wants. He can even enchant himself to deliver massive physical blows. For example, he could change his hand into spiked steel, and impale the victim.

Terminator 2, anyone?

If fact, these elementalists would be modeled after me, except they don't have these key ponts. For one thing, they'll never come close to my power levels. For another, the won't be egotistical and evil. And the third and most important thing is...

They won't have these flashy entrances and exits, like me. *Disappears, leaving in a flash of blue light, and leaving behing a cloud of laughing gas.*

Er, that's actually a *good* thing. No?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Sigh... We leave off with-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Oh, will you just-

HAHAHAHASNORTHAHAHAHASNORTHAHA-

Lunaris?

*smash everyones on the head with a Megaton Oxygene hammer!...Don't ask how I've done it.*

Ouchie.

Right. We leave off with Megaman984 and I'm sure we'll get a reply from MegamanX2K next week. Let's see...

Hi Cid, it's me again. I know I haven't responded in a few weeks, but I decided that the Mailbag viewers just can't live without seeing my responses. Therefore, I feel that it is my duty to grace you with my presence, isn't that right, Ozzie?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

I thought you stopped laughing?

I did. I'm starting again. HAHAHAHA-

Ozzie, just shut up.

*shuts up*

*Looks at topic*

Character classes, eh? I really like your comment about not having any cool topics, so you'll use X's. That's just funny.

Speaking of X, I have a feeling that he'll say his favorite class is moogle going with his whole moogle obsession and that you can play as Mog in FF6.

Going with the whole moogle theme, I will create a new class for you: Moogle Hater. That's right, Moogle Hater. It's a name X gave to me because of my whole eating moogles, giving X exploding/dead moogles, calling moogles the Devil, and so on and so on.

The Moogle Hater would be dressed like a vampire hunter, but would carry shrunken Moogle heads. For him to work properly, moogles would also have to be an enemy you can fight. Whenever a moogle starts to dance or attacks a Moogle Hater, a moogle hater counterattacks by slapping the moogle upside the head, throwing explosives at it, etc. You may demonstrate that on Ozzie, Lunaris.

If a moogle is in the current party, the Moogle Hater will still attack him if he starts to dance. That's the only problem with him.

As for a real class that I like, I prefer Dragoons from any of the FFs or the Samurais from FF5. I don't know why I like them. It's probably because I think they look cool.

Well, that's it for me. Please send any hate mail regarding my Moogle Hater to MegamanX2K. He's the one that dubbed me such, so he deserves all of the blame. Have a nice day.

Heeheehee... this should be nice, no? We shall see. We continue the job class stuff next week with people sending in their own job classes! I've already got a bunch, but if you haven't sent one in yet, by all means do so! cidolfas@rpgclassics.com is the place to go.

Seeya!

Feh! Me and Lucca? Donald Marco! If I ever find where you are...I....I...I'll...uh...beat you over the head with a melon! Yeah!