RPG Classics Mailbag

Well, we're back after a brief hiatus and ready to rock with two weeks' worth of RPG-related toys! I'm a bit scared to hear what people might think of... let's get started, me hearties! First up is BSSB, our token female correspondent. Take it away, yes?

Mwha! Hi there Ciddywiddy,SuperLucca,SuperLunaris,and not so super Ozzie.

I'm getting REALLY fed up with this treatment, you know... I have feelings! I am a sentient creature! If you tickle me, do I not laugh, if you prick me, do I not bleed?

Let's find out! *pushes polka-dot button* *spike ball from Megaman games drops from the ceiling*

YYYEEEEOOOOOWWW! *faints*

Hmm... nope, no blood. There goes that idea.

...Wrong us... do we not revenge...? *faints again*

First I have a question. Lucca,are you and Ozzie-wozzy a couple?

You know, if you were actually here instead of laughing behind some computer screen somewhere, you would deeply regret even thinking about that! I mean it! I'll hunt you down! Geez. No one asks Cid about *his* romantic tendencies...

That's because I don't have any.

Hoo boy... the tabloids are gonna have a field day with you...

A toy of RPGness,hmm,why not a Lavos toy! Less,evceryone's favorite Comsumer of time and space,blower-uper of the Reptites,Zeal,and 1999 A.D.,at 1:24.

Yes,with the Lavos,you can terrorize you freinds with destruction that rains from the heavens! And even open him up to see all the DNA of every living creature..and there's more,you can even hear him sing and travel through time while listening to cool music!Also,he cannot die! seeing how two "special life bits!" ressurect him every so often!Amd,you can also merge him with the pretty pretty Schala doll,to form a new being that can move time fortesses from 2400 A.D.,and other wonderfull stuff!

But,of course,there are defects,such as sometimes he may possess your mother into seeking immortality by way of a machine called Mammon! Also,wizards from 12000 B.C. may not like him very much. And a certain frog,cave woman,techie queen,princess,and Lighting magic user may try to blow him!

Sure, I can see that... marketing weapons of mass destruction to kiddies. That'd go over real well. *facepalms* Let's have a more normal answer from... Todd Audas, huh? A newbie!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh, you lucky, you are. We have an exclamation point surplus from all those scrupulous savings. Remember kids, only you can prevent flame wars.

Isn't that forest fires?

Them too, right.

And what wrong whit marketings weapons of masses destruction!?

Um... you know... people dying, stuff like that... see, if you make weapons of mass destruction, people die, and it might be the same people who make the weapons of mass destruction, so then you won't HAVE any more weapons of mass destruction! Oh, what a horrible, tangled web we weave! Um... yeah. Back to Todd Audas.

I was thinking maybe the Cyber Jack from the Super NES RPG, Robotrek. In case you don't know what that does, it allows a person to go inside of a computer. I'd use it to find out what the problem is whenever a computer screws up on me and fix it.

Ah, but what if you get stuck in there? Nothing to talk to or think about besides bits and bytes. How depressing...

Of course, if he did more... enterprising things online he'd have... more...company... WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?

...Get a life. Quickly. And while we wait, let's hear from Preacher, who exhibits a distinct lack of imagination but lots of brownie point goodness!

*Preacher makes some entrance*

Hi, Cid. I'll try to be to the point while still getting in a decent amount of content...good submissions are sparse sometimes...

Not my fault. I just work with what I get. -_-

Wich wasent a lot.

A perfect RPG related toy would be....The RPGClassics mailbag action figures. Just think of it, everyone...Cid in plastic.

You could collect the whole set, and then use them to play out your own mailbag. The sets would be:

Cid: Comes complete with evil twin and also several plot holes (for use with twin and Ozzie figure (sold seperately)

Lucca: With goggles, blaster, and Epoch.

Ozzie: Probably the best character, you get 2 plot holes in case you lack the Cid figure (no one would) and also one of those clear-plastic stands to make it look like he floats.

Lunaris: Comes with 6 pieces of weaponry, as well as a cool plastic explosion.

Other figures: Mostly stuff for Lunaris to blast...

Anyway, that's about all my creativity...two weeks will renew it.

*Preacher exits*

Sure, blow up my inflated ego even more, why don'cha? Man, that'd be neat... little mailbag sets all over the country... the imagination of kiddies would soar! War would be averted because they'd be having too much fun! World peace would ensue... er, until someone accidentally sticks a real grenade in with Lunaris and blows up the Hague, heh. Then we'd all be banned! W00t!

Why would you *want* to be banned?

Hey, bad publicity is still publicity. To illustrate the point, here is RpgDragon, who demonstrates his own perversion by assuming that others are as perverted as he is. Take it away.

O.k here's MY idea for an Rpg related toy. (No, it's not a fibrator shaped like a sword you sick f__ks)

Does anybody remember Seiken Densetsu 3? (If you don't then go away, I don't want to have anything to do with you.)

You remember the mana stones right? After the gate to the Mana holyland was opened they were all smoking. How about we re-create those things?

That's right you guessed it. Many holystone erm.. stones! annex sigarettes.
It appears to be an ordinary stone at first but when you set it on fire...Presto!!! It's a sigarette!!! Unfortunately there is way to much smoke wich will make the Fire dep think that your house is on fire (sorry, couldn't come up with anything funny about that).

And it will probarly kill any child that puts it in his/her mouth because of the nasty looking point.

*blink blink*

Maybe this toy wasn't such a good idea... Oh well who gives a damn.

Next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now look what you've gone and done. I scrimped and saved those exclamation marks for weeks to give them to a deserving newbie, and you go and waste my entire surplus! You cad! Mabatsekker (phew!) will give us a more widely-ranged submission now. Enjoy it or just get the hell out of here, ya freeloader!

I am your worst Typo-nightmare, I haunt your 10-finger writing system!! I AM MABATSEKKER... ahem..correction to my last letter... the reason I sent the last letter because I wasn't mad but insane! Can you believe that? and now I'm stabile enough to write this letter

Sure. We're supposed to believe THAT.

Toys... reminds me of the nice place in the city where you can buy FF9 figures..(*Sees himself in the sandbox with a Steiner and Vivi killing ants*) which brings us to the new FF8 "SQUARETHISISAJOKEDONTSUE" figures!

There's an... original toy line name. Up next: Enix's "IFYOURIPTHISOFFYOU'REINTHEDOGHOUSE" Dragon Quest figures.

- The "Save-me-Squall" Rinoa with real sound *Save me Squall* and waving arms!
- And don't Forget the Mighty "Hippie-Love"Selphie!! with psychedelic-pattern dress! With really creepy *Teehee*
- The Almighty "GothChick" Quistis, with real black leather and latex whip accessories! Also, If paired with a squall figure it will mimic whatever it says! Interactive playing!!

- Also avaivable is the Janitor Zell with broom and apron accessories!
- The Gigolo Irvine with the acclaimed *Corny Pick-up line-Engine*
- And also the What-$£¬#¤-ever Squall! It won't complain even if you blow him up, (" No, Lunaris"!) set him on fire ("LUNARIS!!") or Blast him to smithereens with a Rocket launcher ("Lunaris! *whistles* Mentats! In Ozzies pocket! Yes! Go get them boy!!"), because of the new *Auto-Potion-System*

*is beating Ozzie with a Megaton hammer.*GIMME MY MENTATS!*

But even these are somewhat flawed...

- Despite the amount of Rinoas bought, no-one got a Squall and thus all children got bored of it, as it continued the save-me-Squall routine until it got tossed into the garbage

- Selphies on the other hand got a Major Sell-out when the TV-Commercial got aired... But later it was discovered that Selphie is actually Satan and Pokemon wre invented by her so God hit them with a Final Flasher and were destroyed in the Fejita-attack

... Right. What you say.

- Quistises were also very low on sales, considering the facts that latex causes rash and all that sort of things...the real-life latex whip sales bouced up 100% when FF8 introduced whips to their audiences...

- Zell was an extremely successfully marketed product as it taught children clean their rooms and have a rifle rack there. but, unfortunately in taught to tell on others about bad things to their parents... which led to school violence and to many hot dog suffocations in school cafeterias. And of course, the destruction of Zell Dincht figure line

- Irvine. Irvine. Irvine. Appealing to most females but they were grown-ups so it was a BAD IDEA. Women playing with toys sounds bad on paper/text/screen so...*Silence*

- Squall. No-body likes him, besides,his sword isn't really a sword and couldn't be fitted for a ninja turtle, and FF8 is a sucky game for an FF but good game otherwise. And no-one bought Squall

So that shows us the mental/physical(Mentats) dangers of making buff-out(off-letter: another drug in fallout) (LUNARIS!!!) toy characters about someone so evil (TEEHEE) Selphie or someone so immature as Squall (Hmmmm... Juvenile....*Sticks a spear up Ozzies...)

I'll have you know that Buffouts are NOT tasty! They are for the kind that are rude and all that crape like that! THEY ARE NOT YUMMIES YUMMIES!

Nah forget it, I'll be back haunting you again when a suitable theme comes up! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Insert corny laugh ender*

Threats will get you nowhere, ya know... Booken has a cute idea, let's see...

Hello fellow Mage/summoner .
Even if i don't like this kind of topic, i couldn't wait to post my toy idea... deadly toys
And i brought back protection, if anything happen to me *show an videotape of Lunaris secret date with lucca*
Don't push me to play it!

...This guy's psycho. That's not me. That's a toy Barbie doll with glasses on.

And that NOT me too! It..a...Karn collection figure wich have been painted silver hair and a yellow coat! YEAH!

My first toy is an Mechanic Moogle with an fuse.
They are not powerful explosive toy, but they can be quite funny.
I even can modify them to create a cute weapon of Mass destruction.
Allow me to demonstrate
*Turn the moogle key*
*Light the fuse*
*Let it walk toward Ozzie*

Pop goes the weasel

*Mooglebomb explode*

YAH-OOOOZA!

At full power, this can destroy a castle.

My other idea is an Bord Game with Mario RPG caracters.
Did i said a simple Board game? No! that's an mined board game.
The last to survive the fields of death with
There is even a DM to play as the bob-ombs

And of course, my favorite, Dodongo plush.
Handy to seduct women, as a gift. (wich let me think, i shall give one to cel)

*Envisions... "Hey Cel, want a plush Dodongo?" "Oh, it's so CUTE!" *moogle bomb walks into Dodongo and destroys it* End dream sequence*

Too many *s there, no?

It's a style, sort of thing. Anyway. Mr. Sephy, whom we have all met on the RPGC boards (we have, haven't we? SHAME ON YOU!) has an idea as well! Man, I'm so happy everyone I know took the time to write in... *sniff*

Whoah, my first contribution to the mailbag... I'm so nervous...

Don't be nervous. Look at that RpgDragon thing I printed; you think YOU have something to worry about?

How's about "Tickle Me Kefka"?
And just the slightest nudge sets him off! The voicebox could be specially designed to emit ultra-high frequency sound waves as well as the standard digitized laugh, to provide maximum annoyance to all life forms within a half-mile radius. Just picture the headlines: "Mother Driven to Killing Rampage by Laughing Toy", or "Man Mysteriously Devoured by Flock of Confused Pidgeons".

Who knows... maybe it could get to be as dangerous as the original Tickle Me Elmo toy!

But I loved Tick... um... nothing, nothing at all. Another more directly RPG-related idea now by... um, Photon356@aol.com. And where are the first 355...

You did that joke already.

So I did. Um... the GFs made me forget! It wasn't my fault.

Tell it to the Marines.

This is my first time writing in so here goes nothing. I would make a life-size Chrono Trigger set. Magus with real scythe swinging action!! Crono with the power to cast Luminaire!! Robo with too many tiny parts that five year olds can choke on!!!!!! And the most expensive toy in the collection....drum roll please.....Lavos with real planet destroying action!!!!!!!!!!!!! But as soon as someone buys a Lavos and destroys the west coast they all get recalled.......go figure.

Yeah. I mean, who needs the West Coast anyway? Nothing there but Hollywood, the Nintendo USA headquarters, and the Salem witch trials. And possibly Adamant, as well, though that might be a good thing, heh... >-)

Hi, it's me, Adamant , again.

Did ya miss me.

Is that a statement or a question? 'Cause it ended in a period, you see...

I know I haven't sent in much lately, but.... <insert stupid excuse here>

The dog ate it! ...What? I thought it was pretty stupid.

Well, my new RPG toy is soo good working.

It actually a unique, mass-produced (don't ask) Final Fantasy Element crystal, in the flavors of Earth, Air, Fire and Water. It works just like a normal crystal, and you can use it as a battery, in addition to playing Final Fantasy with it.

Oh, works just like a normal crystal, does it? And what the hell does a normal crystal do? O_o

WARNING: Do not break it. If you do, elements will become unstable, and it's hard to fix. This little neat feature just adds more realism, doesn't it.Oh, and if a giant monster breaks into your room, guard this crystal with your life. Don't worry about a monster breaking into the factory though, we got a splendid Alarm System from 1843 installed.
There is no need to worry.

Just 2$ today, at your local toy store!

Sure, I always get giant monsters trying to steal my toys... sheesh. Webrunner has a Dave Letterman Top Ten RPG Toys You'll Never See. Backwards, I guess. Number 1!

1. the Lego Cid system! Comes with airship parts, and a really, really stupid lego raincoat.
2. Authentic Black Materia, guaranteed to call forth apocolyptic death from above, or your money back. What the hell *AND* your money back. It won't matter anyway.
3. EXP-IN-A-CAN. Nuff said.
4. Tickle-Me-Ifrit. Tickle it, and it acts as a flamethrower. Comes with burn treatment kit.
5. Shiva's First Refridgerator - to go with an Eazy-Bake Oven
6. the Chrono Cross Clock. Yes, I know it exists, but it kicks ass.
7. My Little Damage Count - projects numbers whenever you get the snot beat out of you
8. Replica Chrono Trigger. May not actually prevent deaths of loved ones.
9. Choco-bots Transformers! They're more than meets the wark!
10. Yang action figure, with Kung-Foo Grip! ACHOOO!

I LOVE number 9! 8p OK, folks, everything can't be as good as this, so we now subject you to your weekly torture treatment known as MegamanX2K. You'll thank me when you've grown up, young man!

Well I...*sees Lunaris all bound up* What is THIS?! *draws both his hands into swords and slices Lun free*

I can't believe Cid could do such an evil thing. As punishment...it's a completely insane Mailbag Entry by Me! The worst form of punishment ever!

Anyway, this next part is true, if you goto Gamestop you'll see it. FF8 sprung several toys. One of them, the Omega Weapon, is a hazard because it's...pointy. Yes, why bother with ultimate magic when you can POKE YOUR ENEMIES' EYES OUT. Wow. And there were other toys too, but Gilgamesh isn't dangerous enough, since they took his real weapons away and only gave him his Excalipur.

Wait...isn't Excalipur dangerous when throws? *in the distance, the sound of a toy thrown in disgust, accompanied by a jabbing sound and a loud child's scream* Hehe...uh oh *crosses legs tightly and looks extremey uncomfortable*

Anyway, here are my inane insane ideas for the topic which saflodiC used on the humble suggestion of the notorious K2XnamageM...

...I know Pig Latin.

Square decides to sell out EVEN MORE...so here are some crappy ideas for FF and other Square toys that DIDN'T make the cut.

FF4: Golbez' Make your friends evil Kit! Simply convert your friends to do your evil bidding! Didn't take off because some kids replaced "evil" with "prankish" and started forcing their enemies to walk off cliffs. Fun, but the parents, party poopers they are, found the medical costs to be much too inneffective. Sheesh, money grows on trees, doesn't it? Give us a break...

FF5: Chicken Knife! That's right, run around a lot to make this knife the strongest item out there! Was unpopular with inner city hoodlums (such as a certain mailbag editor) because the random escape flaw became extremely annoying in knife fights.

Are you trying to insinuate that I was part of an inner city hoodlum gang? I've never even met an inner city hoodlum! What do they look like?

Probably a big tough guy with a knife who lives in the inner city.

And here I was thinking you were stupid, h'yuk.

FF5: Excalipur! Want your kid to have a weapon, but not get hurt? NO Problem! With exaclipur, there's no danger, and no tears, since the kids can't do more than 3 pts. damage anyway! Didn't make it past the safety board because they forgot that, when thrown, it did a hell of a lot more damage, and when the kids discover that toys suck, the first thing they do is throw them. Several employees, sadly, did not survive.

FF5: Grow your own Hiryuusou! Just add water and Hiryuu mean and watch it grow! Unfortunately, some of the plants had a hard time distinguishing between "Hiryuu" and Human", and when one ran out, the other was in season.

FF6: Mog Action Figure: Pull the string, watch him get jiggy with it! Was unpopular since all he did was stumble. (P.S. Mog: YOU SUCK!)

FF6: Atma Weapon! Raise her just like you would a pet or Pokemon! This was extremely unsuccessful because of two reasons: One, the pokemon craze caused a lot of Atmas to retaliate when Kids who thought they were pokemon threw pokeballs at them saying, "Atma, GO!". The other reason was that attempts to neuter the pets were disastrous.

FF6: Goddess Statues! OK, this is more like decoration than toys, but they're 1/10 scale and lifelike! Problem was, Kids ignored the "DO NOT TOUCH FOR GOD's F***ING SAKE!" sign and cause the entire neighberhood to be ruined.

FF7: Grow your own Jenova! Find Sea Monkeys boring? Just add the food, and place in sunlight, and Voila! YOur very own alien! Problem was soon the kids went psychopathic and ranted on about stealing the earth from Mother, so the project was abandoned.

FF7: Real-Life Masamune! Since the Researchers didn't learn from their Excalipur mistake, they tried to recreate Sephy's Masamune! The problem was twofold: Some kids were too small, and *wobble-wobble...crash*. The ones that did wield it properly, sought to recreate the Aeris death scene whenever possible. This became even bigger when...

FF7: Tifa's Brand Breast Implants! You may say this isn't a toy, but if you've ever watched a talk show, you may think differently. Anyway, sure enough, DuPont got an infamous spokesperson (and such a perfect one too) on their already infamous product. Feminists, already enraged by them, because even more enraged that the company stooped so low to use a sex icon such as Tifa. TO protest, they went in the streets dressed as Aeris, protesting night and day (without any bras too.). The kids from the previous product saw them and...need I say more? Well, the world was rid of 300 feminists that day.

FF7: Build your own Airship! Just like the European Cars, just put everytihng on the chassis and you're good to go! Parents disapproved because A. The average 10 year old doesn't know how to drive an Airship, B. The kids started swearing more, C. They started to drink beer, and D. They used Polearms to kill people. Wait, D is a good thing! And B and C aren't so bad! Urgh...damn parents lighten up!

FF8: Gunblade! That's right, third time's the charm. All the test subjects died because no one on earth knows how to use a gunblade.

FF9: Squeeze me Garnet Doll: Self-explanatory, squeeze her in the wrong place and get a "EEK!" followed by "Ooh, Soft...". Discouraged because kids started to seek Hentai and the like.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Chrono Trigger also got its own toys!

Non-Talking Crono! Pull his string and he says...Nothing! Not popular because not only was it dumb, but kids poked their eyes out on the spiky hair.

Grow your Own Lavos! Just throw in the soil, allow to grow for 65,000,000 years, and you've got a rampaging alien that devours the planet! Unfortunately, kids poked their eyes out on this too. That, and no one lived that long.

Mini Epoch: Really goes back in time! Trouble is, since the kids didn't fit inside, once it went back in time it didn't COME back.

Well, you could stuff it up with explosives and blow up a random person in time space two minutes ago...or some crap like that....

Ruby armor! Just like what Ayla wears, deflect 50% of Fire Damage! Found to be unsafe since kids ignored the fact that that's only 50%, and walking into a furnace is still unrecommended.

But wait! There's more! Namco, not being that dumb, only tested the waters of this volatime industry, with Tales of Phantasia Hentai Dolls! cCollect both Klarth and Arche! Pull the string, they say something perverted! I don't think I need to say why these weren't sold.

Now, to combat CyberComposts' excuse that he was on drugs, let me say honestly that NO substances of any kind were used in the making of this mailbag. So, CC, |-P

Tales of Phantasia action figures sanctioned by DeJap only. Use at own risk of sanity. For that matter, the same warning should be on the RPGC mailbag. 8p Our second Megaman (the normal one) comes up next. Number 984. No relation to Number 128 from FF6, because one's a megaman and one's a big monster that changes elemental affinity.

...

No, I'm sure that's not YOUR line... didn't your friend used to -

Stuff it.

Hi Cid. It's me again. In fact...

*Some random guy in a trench coat runs in, opens it while facing towards Ozzie, then runs out*

Hmmm... I guess that could be considered a flashy entrance.

AUGH! *faints again*

AUGH!

What? You didn't see anything.

No, but it was a nasty pun.

ARRRG!

Delayed reaction there.

Let's have a look at the topic, shall we? We shall!

A Mailbag related product? Well, I guess I can do that. In fact, I even got everyone's favorite Lord of Paper Cuts, Energon, to host a commercial. Let's have a watch.

*Screen does the cool fuzzy thing*

Energon: Have you always wanted to host your on Mailbag? Do you have dreams of growing up to be Lunaris or nightmares of growing up to be Ozzie? Do you like pressing random buttons in an elevator hoping one of them drops your friend down a plot hole? If you do, this commercial is for you!

*Energon walks over to a big sheet covered box*

Energon: Do you all remember Tickle Me Elmo? Did you want one but couldn't find it because of the holiday rush? Well, we at Mailbag Toys Inc. have just the product for you! Just in time for the mid-August celebrations, we present to you, the...

*Energon rips the sheet off the box revealing a big Ozzie doll*

Energon: Puncha Me Ozzie! Yes, Puncha Me Ozzie. Now you too can wreak havoc on the green pig mystic. He even lets out screams of agony when you touch him.

*Shows a video of some kids punching an Ozzie doll while screams of agony come from it*

Energon: I know, right now you're thinking, "Puncha Me Ozzie?! Man! I've got to get me one of those! I'd pay $500 for it! Where do I call?" Well, you can't call yet. We have even more exciting products for you!

*Energon walks behind a desk*

Energon: No Mailbag would be complete without Cidolfas's desk. That's why we at 984 Studios bring you... dun dun dunn dunn! The Cidolfas Desk! Now you can press random buttons and watch as your friends fall down plot holes or other assorted mayhem caused by Cid and his desk. I know you're dying to call, but wait! There's more!

*Energon walks over to a table with some paper on it*

Energon: We all remember Cid's Mess Up signs and X's cheap rip offs, don't we? Of course we do. That's why we at Mega Global Hyper Industries have created Mess Up Stationary. Now you can hand out Mess Up signs to your friends! As an added bonus, you can even write on the back how they messed up! What a world we live in! I know that right now you're dying to call in, but we have one last product.

*Energon walks over to a gun case*

Energon: As we all know, Lunaris is famous for his humorously titled weapons. Well, we at Man Guns have brought those weapons to life, sort of. We bring you the Lunaris Style Weapon Brigade! Now you can run around like everyone's favorite yellow clad lunatic while brandishing a Turbo Jell-O Launcher Mark 3 or some name like that. Best thing of all, they're made out of plastic. That means you can walk with them through metal detectors!

*A metal detector rolls up right next to Energon. Energon proceeds to pass a weapon through it repeatedly*

Energon: See? No alarms!

*Energon walks over to another table with each product on it*

Energon: I bet you're all just wetting yourselves with excitement, aren't you? You just can't wait to order your own Mailbag Play Set. I bet you're also thinking that these products together must cost upwards to $1000. Well, you're right. But if you call in the next 5 minutes, you can have them all for just 16 easy payments of $125. Call now!

*1-800-MAILBAG flashes at the bottom*

Energon: I'm Energon, saying good night, and...

*Each of the products including the stationary burst into flames for no reason*

Energon: Okay... I guess my and... would be "and all of the unexplained fires are a matter for the courts." So call now!

*Screen does the fuzzy thing and MM984 focuses back in*

Well, see ya Cid. Oh, and just for clarification, I didn't know my cousin went by that nickname until about a month ago. I had no part in his songs!

The cousin in question is Gryzz, who periodically serenades us with horrible songs. So we're all glad this was done without your knowledge, because if you knowingly harbored a proved song mangler, the punishment is having to sit through ten MMX mailbag replies (replete with |-Ps every sentence) over and over again until your brains become Ragnarok Buster fodder. Our last (phew!) entry comes from LiteYear. *braces self*

*Small wisp of flame appears in the center of the room, and grows nutil it becomes a LiteYear-shaped flame, then extingushes itself, revealing me.*

Hi again Cidolfas and the gang. I'd get right into my toy, but first I have to attend to more pressing matters, concerning last weeks mailbag. *Addresses the mailbag readers* First, as you are all aware, Cid decided to give me a mess-up sign last mailbag. Well, he was not quite informed. Take a look at what he said last mailbag:

:Have you forgotten that SpoonyBard hosted one of Macc's mailbags as well?:

Well, actually I did, but it doesn't matter, because Have you forgotten that you did a duo mailbag? Now I going to prove Mailbag #50 was the record breaker, so I can put this to rest.

Mailbag 1-7, 9-24: Hosted by Macc. Total 23
Mailbag 25-38, 40-43, 45-49: Hosted by Cid. Total 23
Mailbag 8: Hosted by SpoonyBard. Total 1
Mailbag 44: Hosted by Celes. Total 1
Mailbag 39: Hosted by Macc and Cid. Total 1

So there you have it. After 49 mailbags, Cid and Macc have a total of 23 each as hosting solo, and 1 which they hosted together, making 24 for both of them. That means Mailbag #50 was your 25th mailbag, and thus the record-breaker. So Cidolfas, (insert TWO Cid messed up signs here)

One is for messing up on the mailbag count, and one is for messing up on giving me the mess up sign. Now, as long as I'm correct, let us never speak of this again.

Eh, okay. I'll give meself this one.

Well, if I had to make a toy, I would reproduce a working model of... Kefka's light of judgement! Man that this was cool, being able to vaporize towns in a single second. *Gets into an infomercial like voice* and now you can do it at home! Just purchase this, and watch the carnage ensue. Perfect for destroying ideal targets, such as the school bully, your girlfriends lover, or Iraq! With this adjustable power dial, you can set it to vaporize a person, a house, a nebiourhood, a city, a country, and even a contient! The serect is, well, actually I don't know how it gets it's power, but that doesn't matter. All that matter is that you are able to fry to your hearts content! BUT WAIT! Call within the next 20 minutes, and we'll send you an instructional video *holds up a FF3 game pak* absoultely free! That right, a $35 dollor value, free! To order, have your credit card ready, and call this ! number: 555-2950. Just 7 easy payments of $59.95

Disclaimer: Warning, contains highly volitile and destructive materials inside. Not sutible for children under the age of 5 years. Keep pointed away from face or other vital areas. If Jail time and/or, but not limited to, injury, death, loss of limbs or global thermonuclear war occurs due from improper use of this toy, the company cannot be held responsible.

Well, it took a great while, but I finally got a victory over Cid. Oh, in case anyone here cares, I'm making my own RPG. I warn you, it is a satrical look on RPG's and how they are created. Some players may not share this sense of humor. Good-night everyone! *Wonders if Cid knows what TV show I ripped that off from, then encases himself in ice and sinks through the floor.*

Not a clue. Which I am certainly glad for. Well, I got through this mailbag despite having a headache and an empty stomach! I am l33t! (And if MMX doesn't like it, he can take his messup sign ripoffs and do something unspecified with them.) Anyway, next week's topic is serious again, and more than usual, because it's something I really have a strong opinion about. In fact, I've written a medium-sized rant about my feelings on the topic, which is this: Censorship, shock values, and cultural differences. The point is that no one is going to say "yes, I'm all for censorship!" but... well, read the rant before writing in. The address is cidolfas@rpgclassics.com and we WILL hear from you! Or you'll get a visit by our toy Lavos, mwahahaha!

We don't have a toy Lavos. It doesn't exist, remember?

Spoilsport. C'mon, just go and do your thing. Move it!

Seeya! Wouldn't want to be ya!

*...note to self... step up discipline program...*

*look at a Lunaris Style Weapon Brigrade*Oh pwease pwease Cid! Can I have it?! Please!!!!!!

You HAVE one already! Remember?

Ooh, right...