RPG Classics Mailbag

Yo. *dumps stuff*

Hey.

Salutio - Salader - greetings.

What ups?

Not much. I've got this neat idea for a particle accelerator linked to one of these plot hole thingies... rarin' to get started.

Oh, great, now we're giving him ideas...

So, have fun. I'll kinda stay out of it this week.

Whaddaya mean, stay out of it?

Oh, I dunno, maybe I'll drop in to shoot a missile or something, but this is interesting, so ciao! Have fun!

Whaddaya mean, have fun?

Are you guys being more dense than usual? Hey, where's Cid, anyway?

Hey, YOUR hosting the mailbag damnit!

...You gotta be kidding.

Where have you been?

Well, that Megaman person hosted it last week, so I figured Cid would be back by now... no?

...No.

Well, that TEARS it! Geesh. He could at least SAY something! Then again... this might be fun. How many atoms d'you think you have, Ozzie? To the nearest billion, say.

Just... just... keep back, okay?

Heheh... all righty, so what's the topic for this week?

Ahem. "What romantic coupling would you have liked to see in an existing RPG, or what one do you think never should have happened?"

Well, that one's pretty easy, methinks. Anyone with half a brain in their heads should know what the ending of Chrono Trigger REALLY should have been. Hmmm... seems like a lot of people answered this one, and most of 'em are newbies. I don't care about 'em, meself... maybe Cid can give you some of those wacko !s when he gets back. This Billy Easley guy is a newbie, and looks like he knows how Chrono Trigger should have ended as well!

Ryudo from Grandia 2 is such a idiot. What the heck is wrong with him?! Think about it, which would you choose:Elena, the pure-hearted preistess who believes that you should treat others the way you would treat yourself and all that other good stuff.Or Millenia:The embodiment of everything sexy, hot, and beautiful.Britney Spears, Christina Algularia, ( I hope i spelled that right.) you ain't got nothing on this girl.Big-breasted and ready for action, with her trusty crossbow, (not the weak kind that sissy Marle from Chrono Trigger uses, her spells were good but other then that she sucked.) she can kick even Ryudo's butt by herself.

Chrono Trigger- Crono you are such an imbesil. I mean come on. Marle got the looks but she sucks at fighting. If you ask me, she should have stayed at the castle. Lucca, i'm not a fan of purple hair but other than that she really turns me on.I like girls with intelligence, besides Crono's known Lucca longer then Marle and that's a plus in my book. As for Ayla, she can't say a sentence without making one grammer mistake.And you know she's been on pills our steriods at least. Have you ever known a girl in a videogame who can be stronger then the main character? Didn't think so.

Whoo! Lucca fan number one. I think I got me the perfect mailbag today!

Ego is such a sweet thing, isn't it?

Y'mean...the 'villan' from Online Life?

No, as in Lucca's overinflated ego. Sshh, she'll hear us.

Final Fantasy 3-Okay, time to wrap this up it's almost my bedtime.(i'm only 12 years old) Loke picked the right person i'm glad to say. Main character or not, Terra is on the same level of strength as Celes but she's behind in the looks department.Even thougth i'm sad Terra didn't get somebody to love in the end, i'm not surprised Locke picked Celes.

That's Billy Easley, matchmaker extrodinare signing off.

Very nice, yes indeed. Here's one by Billy Oliver:

The romantic coupling I'd like to see would be in Albert Odyssey. No one has probably payed this game before but the two characters who should have fallen in love would be Amon (a birdman thingy) and Kia (who was human). They both act alike through most of the game and near the end of the game there is a scene when they stay behind in a tower and talk. It also would've been cool to see a bird man and a human together. The one that I think sould have never hasppened is between Ronfar and Mauri in Lunar 2. There were a whole bunch of stuff that happened (you'll know what I'm talking about if you played the game) they should be killing each other over instead of becoming a couple. This is my worst entry to date, cool!

Er, you mean mailbag entry? Yep, it sucks. I've never even seen this weirdo game. Instant F in my view. Let's see... ooh, here's one by I Abibde! Haven't seen this guy in a while! Whazzup?

Greetings. :-) After having been absent from this particular web site for roughly two months, and after having not sent a fresh message to the venerable Mailbag for a much longer span of time, I have returned, and I see before me a topic that falls in one of my favorite areas of discussion. Though most of us remember high-quality CBVRPGs for their angst-ridden heroes, nefarious villains, epic battles, and jaw-dropping FMVs, I dare say that almost as many of us remember them for their love stories. Cecil and Rosa, Edge and Rydia, Celes and Locke, Aerith and that bastiche Cloud...those are just a few of the Final Fantasy romances, and those barely scratch the surface of RPG romance in general. (I could go on and on about the romances of Star Ocean: The Second Story, ranging from Claude and Rena to Chisato and Dias, but that is deserving of a novel.) That said, on to the actual topic. If I had to name one relationship that SHOULD have happened in an RPG of my choice, I would have to say that I would have liked to see poor Jean, of Lunar II: Eternal Blue Complete, hook up with somebody, anybody, in the course of her adventures, especially considering that she is just about the only character in that game who did not have at least a hint of a boyfriend by the time the Epilogue rolled around. Now, if I had to name one relationship that SHOULD NOT have happened, I would have to point out the Rinoa-Squall problem of Final Fantasy VIII. It was easily one of the most implausible relationships that I have ever seen in any medium. What would a reasonably level-headed person like Rinoa see in a one-note jackass like Squall? It continually escapes me. Quistis, at least, would have been able to put him in his place. Hmm. This topic might deserve more than one explanation. It'd be nice to revisit it after I've finished all the games that I've been neglecting -- Xenogears in particular....

No arguments here. There's just no understanding the way some women's minds work. A disgrace to our gender, that's what it is. Frankly, I think Squall was enough of a jackass to not deserve anyone besides another jackass, personally. Maybe he could have hooked up with Fujin and they could kick each other's butts all day. Hey, wait a sec... what's DarkAni say about this?

It would be interesting for Seifer and Fujin to get toghether as a couple. Both enjoy beating people up, and I don't think Seifer's gonna get Rinoa back.

*Fujin enters*
Fujin: RAGE!!!! *kicks everyones' butts and leaves*

Dont you dare do that again!

Like I said. Seifer and Fujin would make an interesting couple.

Fujin and anyone would make an interesting couple. Her and Raijin already do, although I haven't figured out if they're friends or siblings, in which case that definitely wouldn't work. Although you never know with some people. And here's Doc Shinryuu's reply...

Hey! Doc Shinryuu here. Just wanted to respond to the mailbag. Now then, on to my responses:

Romances that should've happened: 1. Gau & Relm (FF6): guaranteed hilarious relationship. 2. Freya & Amarant (FF9): Perfect couple. Both of 'em are the quiet, serious type.

Oh, yeah, I can see this one:

Honey, I'm home!

GAU!

MEEEP!

Behave, or I'll paint your picture!

Heheheheh... they deserve each other! *drops through the floor*

Romance that shouldn't've happened: Ronfar & Mauri (Lunar2: Eternal Blue): Oh, come ON! Ronfar's an alchoholic ex-priest with a Compulsive Gambling Disorder, and Mauri's the Red Priestess. Not a typical combination.

Thanks for listening!
Doc Shinryuu

P.S.: Tell Cidolfas that he's got some competition!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOH *gasp*
KYAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHUOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHYOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOH!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that's an evil laugh! Can I take notes?

That's a lot of exclamation marks. Competition in what? Shrine making? Being obnoxious? Having nerdy-looking sprites? Eh, whatever. Nice short one now by NeoGamblorX:

well, I'd have to say, that ff7 would have been a lot better if cloud pushed tifa in the way of sephiroth's sword.. then aeris and cloud could live happily ever after without worrying about tifa ruining eveything..

Well, that just about says it all. Except if Tifa didn't happen to be down there at the moment, or maybe even if he did push her into the sword's path, it would have skewered BOTH of them and he'd be stuck with Yuffie, or maybe... ugh, this Diesel guy is just sick.

Cloud and Barret.

Think about it.....all the animosity between them....there was just too much sexual tension there. I think they had a little something going on behind the scene. Agree with me or not, the signs are all there!

EWWWWWW!

That's quite enough of that. Here is one by Ryuuhi:

Heya Lucca, it's Ryuuhi. Romantic couples,uh? I don't understand how this romantic stuff works, but I'll try.

It's very simple. You see, these bees and birds get together...

I don't think this is for a G-rated mailbag.

Spoilsport.

The couple I'd like to see is Cain and Rosa. I know the Almighty Cecil Association is gonna hunt me down, but I think Cain deserved more than just go to some mountain and talk about becoming a better dragoon.

But that ending kept his coolness' factor, so umm I can live with that at least. Also, I'd like to see Maxim and Tia together. Ok, ok, so I only like impossible couples. Better move to the next question.

The couple that never should have happened...hmm...this might sound good for you, but I hated Marle and Chrono.

Marle was too annoying. And it also brings up another question: If Marle was out of question, would you go and hit on Chrono?:P

You have to ask? A hunky guy who can't answer back when you yell at him? What more could a gal want? Heheh!

Err...that's it.Buh-bye!

Later. Here's one by Yaradovich Kramer... man, I thought Cid had it bad with the schizophrenia...

Mailbag GAL!?!?!?

Yeah. Got a problem, weirdo?

Ah, whatever. First, I must do something very important. [blasts Ozzie with a Hadoken, hoping he gets it right this time] Kokin!

Owie.

So, the romantic coupling I'd like to see ... Well, I'd like to make a snide comment about Squall and Rinoa, on the grounds that they go through the entire game with Squall refusing to admit he loves her. So here it is: "Squall and Rinoa, on the grounds that they go through the entire game with Squall refusing to admit he loves her."

But seriously -- [dodges objects thrown at him and sweatdrops] Ah, right, being in all seriousness isn't allowed here. Much. Anyway ... Cloud and Aeris. No, really. According to Cait Sith, "You two were MADE for each other" (or words to that effect). And I am kinda pissed at Sephiroth for killing her. So, uh, I guess that's that.

[a faint, feminine voice is heard in the background; Yaradovich responds in a raised voice:] No, Mackenzie, I'm doing the RPGC mailbag! [a reply is heard] No, I don't know why, either!

Well, seems that one's pretty popular, too... Denise Broadnax wrote in the same thing, but it was a one-liner, so I won't bother printing it.

You just used up a line saying that you don't WANT to print it.

But it was more fun. Let's see what Shade has to say.

Phew! I thought I was gonna mis this one! But I didn't!

W00t! Hurray !

Hello, Lucca!

It's me, Shade. And I'd like you to know... *Pulls out Pocket Bishoujo card that reads "I caught Lucca!"* I still own you! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I can make you feel some very painful firepower, you know. That stuff is so... yucky.

Ooh, I dunno, I actually...

You're even CLOSER.

Don't mind me, I'll just... sort of... edge away...

Anyway, on to my mailbag reply, which I will start by asking "What's this I hear about you and Ozzie?!" That's false, right?

I certainly hope so.

Man, I feel like I'm in a tabloid here! NO, I am not romantically connected with anyone on this stupid mailbag!

BILL CLINTON: "I did not have sex with that woman."

Who the hell invited this perv in?

*take out a Air gun Linked with a Acide Tomato and blow away Bill Clinto humorusly*

Sheesh, this is getting stupid. Talk, already!

On to the next issue: Crono and Marle, a good couple, no?

I would seriously hurt you if I had any idea where in the world you were.

I didn't want your opinion anyway. next up, who makes the better FF6 couple: Locke and Celes, or Edgar and Terra?

Well, I say either one is pretty good.

NEXT: Link and Zelda. Well, you'd think that one would be a given, right?

Well, Zelda should watch out, 'cuz there are two new girls on the block!

Anyhoo, as for couplings that never should have happened, I can't think of any straight off my head...

'Kay. Well, 'till next time! (Whenever that happens to be!)

And STAY OUT! Hmph. Um... hey, what the hell is this? *turns e-mail upside down and backwards* Is this supposed to make any sense?

Who's it by?

Eden99.

No, shouldn't think so. It's just a meaningless jumble of words. Pay it no mind.

*shakes head* I dunno... you look at it and tell me if you can figure out the code, 'kay? Cause I can't.

*You feel your soul being pulled from you as you realize Eden99 is playing a symphony* It's me, Eden99!! Hiya lucca!! And hiya to anyone who may be here... not to sure who will be... Ozzie maybe... Person with big guns maybe.... I duno... But hiya to everyone!!! Your all loved! Each and everyone of ya! *gives everyone a BIG hug* I am so happy!! I don't know why either.... but I am! Anywho, Lucca finaly gets power over everyone! Now she can make you all her slaves and... Nevermind ^_^ I am just afraid to say it in fear that one of you is not you and it is realy Cid and Cid is you but not you cause your you but ya know you. Like a puppet master!!! Okay... now, cause this is a mailbag and not some..other...thing... I have ta talk about the topic! Now lets start with Ozzie. Now Ozzie, should have had some other flying pig in a moo moo to fall inlove with. That way he might not look so silly! I was just playing it today and it is funny how easy it is to kill him! Next, Crono, he is the strong silent type who need someone to read his mind. Therefor, I think Crono should fall inlove with Paula from Earthbound! Gee this is a like a dating game! But you see, then Ness will be angry. So he needs someone who can cook for him! He can't live off his mum forever. So Ness gets one of the chiefs helpers! Now Marle need someone too, but she has to have someone of nobal blood. Marle gets Edgar! But then Sabin will be upset. And And And..... Oh dear.... it seems that by trying to add new love thingys in, I have messed up everything!! Stop this mailbag! I urge you!!! FURTHER MAKING AND BRAKING OF LOVES FOR YOUR PLEASURS CAN ONLY LEAD TO CHOAS!!!

Errrg?

So I'll stop now ^_^ just one more..... Lucca gets Magus!!!
*Giggles insanely and runs away!*

And on to marginally more sane things. Here's one by d galloway.

So, Lucca, you finally got to host your own mailbag, huh? It's about time! I won't even have to hurt anyone today! Unless...*glares at Ozzie*

Romance isn't my greatest subject (I've never even been on a date), but I can tell you this: in my RPGs, the funnier the match-up, the better. If I had a choice, I would have to choose the following...

Match-ups I'd like to see:

3. Rydia and Edge: Please note that, despite Edge's painful attempts at gaining Rydia's heart, he never succedded. I would like to see them get hitched, but I'm sure there'll be problems, mostly because of Edge's super-huge ego. One night he'll piss Rydia off so much, she'll feed him to good-old Bahamut! The horror, the horror!!

2. Hero from QFG 5 and Katrina: Now this was screwed up!! Sierra went through all the trouble of adding marriage to the game, and they forgot to patch-up Katrina! Oh well, I'm fairly certain this wouldn't last very long, seeing how Katrina is the Dark Master. Of course, she'll accidently step outside during the day and turn to dust.

AT LAST ! Quest for Glory Fans !....And I preffer Erana, cute mage chick, y'know? And remmber she no longer a vampire...

1. Edgar and ANYONE!!: I don't think anyone else would have picked this one. Edgar will end up with several slap-marks on his face, since he won't shut up.

And Ozzie, I saw you edging for the door. For that... Gallo-Beam!!!

Ozzie: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!! *is blasted to oblivion by the Gallo-beam, leaving only a few body parts*

d Galloway: Oh well. *Dumps the parts down a plot hole, which he promptly closes* Bye! *Jumps in the Epoch and flies off*

HEY! Who gave you that? Geesh.

I dunno why they keep doing that.

Well, here's our last entry, by LiteYear. He has an idea, anyway.

*A massive ray of light shoots straight down into the middle of the from. It then dissipates, and I am left standing there.*

Well, at least we finally figured out where Cid has been for the last 4 weeks. After the trauma caused by ny unexpected visit to him, he must of tried to find relief there. Of course, there is the question of why, but it doesn't matter much. Well, I guess I'm going to have to ask about his poker losses later. Anyway, I guess Lucca drew the short straw, and got the choice to host the mailbag last. Congrats, Lucca.

It would have been more enjoyable if I would have actually KNOWN I was hosting it...

Anyway, there is one theory I'd like answered. Ozzie and Evil Cid said that they don't die when faced with lethal attacks, but I know I've killed them at least a couple times. Each. So, my theory is that all mailbag flunkies have an enzyme injected into them when hired (or suckered) into a job here. What this enzyme does is that, upon death, it gives the body an electric shock, which revives the poor victim. But, now the question is that, does the victim experience temporal death, even for a split second, before the enzyme kicks in? Or is the enzyme self acting, and it works continuiously?

No, it's... well, hold on a sec, I'll tell you in a minute. *Goes off to take a blood sample*

Well, if you think that's weird, you should hear my theories on time travel. In fact, I can explain Macc transformation in FARTS 6. First, the future is not detirmined, that every choice we make will alter the future, no matter how small it is. The Mirai Macc that came to the HQ was one possibility, the fact that Joteau was formed from Macc, Dark Macc, and Kornchi is another possibility, etc. So, what I am saying is Macc's form of Mirai Macc was what Macc though he would become. Him becoming a slight future varitation of himself is, again, just one of the thousands of possibilities that could have happened.

There you have it. It's quantum. In this universe you did painful things to us, but then we come in from another universe and we're perfectly fine. Beautiful theory, quantum.

Terry Pratchett calls it the Trousers of Time theory.

Stinky ones, at that.

Anyway, I'll make this entry real quick, since I think you've heard enough of my theroies. Um... well, I don't have much to say here. I think that Rydia and Edge should have gotten together in FF4 (I know the ending hints on it, but it would have been nice to see them together before.), also Magnus and Leia should have gotten together in OB64. Umm... that's it. I don't pay attention to romance in RPG's.

Oh, by the way, there were FARTS 6 spoilers in one of the precedeing paragraphs, but if you haven't read it by now, you have either been cut off from civilization, or you deserve to have it spoiled. Bye, all! *Dissappears in a flash of light, leaving behind smoke that spells out "Read Macc's FARTS NOW!"*

By the way, there isn't anyone named Kornchi... O_o Anyhoo, I'm done! No more! Yay!

Boy, do YOU have skewed values.

That's an understatement, heh... anyway. I came across this cute online comic the other day, and I was talking to the guy who did it. Very cute. Crono's got competition.

Get on with it.

Er, right. Anyway, he's said that he'd like to host next week's mailbag. The man, by the way, goes by the name of Webrunner. You may have heard of him. Next week's topic is: "Here's one for all you aspiring villians out there: If you wanted to destroy/take over/annoy the world, what would be your EVIL PLOT?"

Well, I would...

Shaddap, no one asked you! You can send your EVIL PLOTs in to 046105s@acadiau.ca. Now there's an original username. I'm gonna go work on a particle accelerator.

Seeya!

YOU GUYS WERE DAMN BETTER OF NOT MENTIONING ME AND LUCCA! Shessh...me and her ? Get real...Her guns are pathetic !