RPG Classics Mailbag

*%&#}&%[)@)!!

What's with all the punctuation?

Cid's mad because some doofus sent him 1.3 meg of FFX pictures when he specifically said he didn't want any.

Oh.

That wasn't the worst bit, though... he send the e-mail twice.

Ow.

*#$^@*@)_+! ...Phew, I needed that. Ahem. Welcome to the RPGC Mailbag, where we own you! Mmm, no, that doesn't sound right... needs a bit of work. Anyway, this week's topic is about non-human characters in RPGs! And our first writer-inner is DarkAni. Yes, it's DarkAni, not DJ Klempa. You never saw that, you never heard it.

Ozzie, you know its the TRUTH(referring to previous mailbag!). Now stop stealing Ultros' Playboy mags!

Now, as for animal/non-human characters, I think they add variety and originality to the game. You can't just have all people all the time. Moogles, mimics, imps, yetis. robot cats on living Mog dolls, talking red lions, etc. They make the RPG world look more fantasy-like, and much more different from our own world, kind of like how Lord of the Rings had many different races. And when they are powerful, they deserve respect.

And when they're annoyingly cuddly? Like Chu-Chu? Then what?

Then they deserve our violence.

Finally we agree on something.

YAAAAAAAY! *falls through plot hole*

What we *don't* agree on is whether or not YOU deserve our violence, y'see. Onto our next correspondent, Rabid Tauntaun.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Positive opinions of cute animals ahead!

Salutations! (Isn't that a great word? NO, don't answer, that was rhetorical question.) I have written in to the mailbag again. This is actually the third time I've done it. I hope you people (and things) appreciate this.

You know "appreciate" doesn't necessarily have positive connotations, don't you?

First, I have to respond to last week's topic that I was too lazy to write about. I think it would be cool to have Link, Crono, and Isaac

Issac? You mean that guy from Megaman X6 ?

(from the extremely cool GBA game Golden Sun)

Oh, that one...

on a team. Why? (That was another rhetorical question, just so you know.) Because they are all silent main characters. None of them have any in-game dialogue. They never speak (just like Sim Aloo. I doubt anyone here has ever heard of Sim Aloo, but he is my obscure reference of the day, so I'll mention him anyway). So you could go through the game with a party that never speaks, and along the way you could have a sorts of weird jokes about the fact that your people never talk. Besides that, they are all cool-looking, powerful warriors. Not to say that they don't use magic too, because Crono and Isaac definetely use magic, and Link...I guess the only time he got to use magic was in Ocarina of Time, but he still got to use it.

Well, now that I have wasted your time on last weeks topic, I shall move on to this week's topic.

I like some nonhumans, and don't like others. You may throw as many virtual rotten tomatos at me as your heart desires, but it won't change the fact that I liked Jar Jar Binks, and I liked Ewoks too! So there, all you Jar Jar/Ewok haters.

Ewoks, I can understand...BUT LOVING JAR JAR BINKS IS UNFORGIVABLE! O_O

I thought that Jar Jar was quite amusing, and Ewoks appealed both to my sense of cuteness, and my sense of humor. In fact, I generally like cute non-human things (not that Jar Jar was cute, but he was funny). Even more horrible, if possible, to all the cute-animal-haters out there, I actually liked Pikachu. Long live silly and cute animals!!! You see, to my, cute animal-people tend to be funny too. So, that is how I feel about cute and/or silly animals/non-human people-thingys.

If a non-human person doesn't fit my opinion of cute, and doesn't fit my qualifications for being funny, then they must have some other redeeming quality to be cool. However, there are so many non-human characters that I don't feel like generalizing anymore. I have to evaluate characters on an individual basis.

Hmm. I do believe that I have finished ranting and raving and chattering and babbling and muttering incoherently, or whatever it was that I have been doing in this mailbag. Hopefully I seem even weirder to you now than I did at the start of this.

Since (fortunately for you) I cannot seem to come up with any other eccentric things to say to you, I guess I'll be going now.

Phew. Good thing HE don't run the mailbag. Blown-out doors would be just the beginning. O_o Here's Helen with a dosage of sanity. Er, relative sanity, anyway.

First off, I would like to say that yes, I DO know what Elen says to Maximus. But I still say she's likeable on the whole, especially in comparison to the boringness that is Riesz of Seiken Densetsu Three. *realises that she probably just got 99.9% of the SD3 fandom angry with her.* I don't care what anyone else says, Riesz is OVERRATED and BORING!

*pause* What? This ISN'T the topic about which characters we hate the most? Darn. So, the topic is about what we think of playable RPG critters, hm? Well, let's see...

* I have still yet to see a robot in an RPG that I don't like. (Of course, we all know about the dumb people that don't port certain games *coughSAGAFRONTIERcough* to countries that get Europe's games...). Henceforth, I love robots, especially the RPG ones. If given the chance, I will definetly put a robot in my team.

* Dragons are also cool, but I don't love them to death like I do robots. However, I've noticed that dragons are even rarer as playable characters in RPGs than robots are.

Maby due to the fact that the handbags are...powerfull ?

(As far as I'm concerned, Ogre Battle does not count in this topic.) I really don't like the Breath of Fire series, and I have yet to play an RPG that has playable dragons and that isn't a BoF.

* Aside from robots and dragons, I have mixed feelings on the rest of the critters. I have nothing against intelligent critters and critters meant for comic relief (i.e, Ozzie.). Critters that are both too dumb for comic relief and useless, however, should be abolished from RPGdom. And all Pikachu should be shot on sight. I'm sorry, but that is a very overrated rodent that gets annoying quick. (Still, Pokemon's not as bad over here now as, persay, Harry Potter is...).

There. That's my load of... er... punctuation for this entry. Oh, before I leave, I'd like to say that I'm proud of having different answers. It's most likely because I'm not a worshipper of big-sword-weilding porcupine heads... or, it could be that I have slightly different taste to everyone else. But then, who really cares in the end?

Nobody really important, anyway. I'm sure the President, or even the Vice-President... hell, probably the janitors at the White House don't bother reading this, and if they did, they wouldn't care. But we care, and we matter! W00t!

...He's been taking his In-Denial medication again, has he?

At least we've gotten him off the dried frog pills.

Quiet! I think I can already guess how this one'll go... his name's Pokefreak_85. Bets, anyone?

I noticed that you were talking about me using different signatures... But I think that's OK because I'm a schizoprenic polymorph (not sure how to spell it). I.e. I have many different personalities and various forms... Or in other words: I'm a total freak =)...

Perfect! You fit right in here! Join the club! Here's your complimentary two-sided spike to skewer yourself with!

...I never got a two-sided spike...

Oh, sorry... see, we know how masochistic you are...

You're one to talk.

I'm not masochistic. I'm just unlucky.

...

Of course we need more nonhuman things. You mentioned Pokemon yourself Cid so you would probably have guessed that this mail was coming... MORE POKEMOOOOOOOON!!!!! (And if anyone is wondering I'm a 16 year old guy, and I like pokemon anyway =þ, IT'S NOT FOR KIDS UNDER FIVE!!!!!!!)

Yes! It's for 16-year-old guys who ACT like kids under five! 8p OK, just joshin' ya. I know there DO exist people who like Pokemon who are not little kids (Macc Maverick, for one) but the general opinion of the over-10 crowd is that of Helen, which is that all Pikachus should be shot on sight. Lessee what d Galloway has to say.

I like the Shoot on Sight part...

Non-human RPG characters aren't always annoying. Sometimes they are intricate pieces of the plot. They're only annoying if they just appear to irritate you- at that point, kill them. Then call 555-IKILLEDANONHUMANRPGCHARACTER. See if I care. And if non-human characters are your worst fear, don't play Quest for Glory 5: nearly every character in that game is a non-human. Well, bye!

Hey, dont diss Kattas in there..they cool! True that, but QfG is forgivable...seeing none of them are in your freaking party, because you have NONE. :D

Bye! That kind of avoided the issue, no? Here's Weiila to take over.

Hi!
Weiila here again. Don't worry Ozzie, I've taken care of Magus so he won't try to fry you.
*Loud laughter is heard from the livingroom.*
In fact I've taken care of ALL the villains running around in my house ;)
*"Fwuhahahaha! Reload it!"
"I love it when he jumps like that! Uwe hee hee hee!"
"Ha! He jumps and looks even more stupid than Frog!"* QUINA : Frogs! Yummy-yummy!
Err, they're playing FFIX. Steiner is a source of amusement for villains, I guess. ;)
Ahem, so on to the mailbag. Non-humans characters, eh?
I have absolutely no complaints about them. In fact, I think a game lacks something if there's only humans in the crew. I mean, it's an RPG! There's SUPPOSED to be weird fellas, right?
I was actually about to keep from buying ff8 when I learnt that there would only be humans (thank God I reconsidered :D). There has to be something to cut against all the normal (at least looks). After all, no matter how different the weapons are, the men and women are still locked in two basic moves of attacking:
1. Raise your hand(s) and hit
2. Move your hand(s) backwards and throw/cast spell
Haven't seen anyone break this rule so far. If there weren't something to make a different it just wouldn't be fun! :) Take Red XIII for example, no man could possibly leap forward, loop and thereby damage the enemy.

SAGA BREAK THIS RULE OFTEN! :D

Apart from attacks, non-humans have different views of life/opinions which can create loads of humor and thoughtfulness.
And finally, looks. Your everyday RPG heroes looks:
Men = Muscled, funky hairdo, weird clothes
Women = notleavingmuchtofantasies clothing, impossible but (lets admit it) sexy anatomy and long hair in either mad hairdo or color. Or both.

SaGa beat thoses rules often too! :D

Admit it. They do.
The groupphoto would just be boring if there wasn't a short/ugly/scaly/furry/funny/weird creature among the good looking people.
And they'd look less good looking too!
Well, that's it for now.
Best wishes

Well, that makes sense. Makes a heck of a lot of sense, actually. And think about it - how many copies of FF3US do you think they sold solely on the merits of having a bad-assed Mog with a sword on the title? If Terra'd been there (especially a Yoshitaka Amano-type Terra) it wouldn't have done NEARLY as well! Diesel agrees, doesn't he?

I dunno, he doesn't mention it.

Well, I'm sure he WOULD agree.

Well, this is kind a of circumstantial question. In ff6, Moogles help you to kick arse and are quite useful. In ff5...moogles say....kupo and one of them tries to rape you when you put on a Moogle costume. See my point? As far as having animals on your side, they are only good if they actually help you and aren't like Gau who runs around saying "me Gau eat big rock....no more teeth for Gau, oww" Animals against you is a must have because who hasn't thought about one time while you are driving swerving to hit the animal instead of vice versa? That is all

*raises hand* That is just evil!

Hitting a poor defenceless squirrel? That's not evil! That's just despicable! No self-respecting evil person would stoop to that level!

...Yeah, what he said. Anyway, Gau actually *is* a human, anyway, believe it or not. Here's the Red Dragoon to waste our time... er, tell us his deep insights into this highly important topic.

Yeah right lunaris...you can't cut off my arm. It's protected by the Void Armor, the best kind!!!

Void Armors are worthless. Metsanium Armors ARE.

R.Dragoon:And aside from that, you can't finish it because of 2 reasons:
1. I'd drive the spear through your head.
2. I've eaten all of your mentats!!!BwAhAhA.
and now for the topic: Non-Humans can be both annoying and good fighters... like Mojo from Chrono Cross: slightly annoying. Linx from CC: Strong.

Lynx was an human befor, baka.

*And the room Echos : BAKA BAKA BAKA...*

I think I've made my point...hey Evil Cid, ever been gored in the head? Now's your chance.JUMP!(misses, hitting Lucca instead)Oops...

...What did I say about breaking the fourth wall? Were you LISTENING?

I don't think so, no.

Doofus. Hey, we've got a newbie next!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say hi to Midaki!

Hi, Midaki. Here's your double-sided spike.

*Midaki quietly steps in through a small, nondescript door marked "Newbies Only", and glances around*
Midaki here! And, as you may have guessed, I'm a newbie!
Non-human characters in RPGs... hmm... there's such a wide diversity in RPGs that you really can't lump them all together in any single category. In some games, they're a vital part of the story (Frog and Robo from CT, for example, or Red XIII from FFVII), and a useful member of the heroic "team"; or even a central theme of the game (Pokemon, Jade Cocoon 1 and 2); while in others they merely provide comic relief or novelty. I guess it depends on how well the game's creators manage to pull it off. If a character has enough depth and development, there's a sense that this is a being that could actually exist. If the character is reduced to the role of annoying sidekick or sickeningly cute "pet," the player ceases to care about that character as an important or necessary part of the "team." Nobody likes a useless character (well, I suppose I shouldn't really say nobody), and sadly many non-human characters in RPGs fall into that category. Perhaps it also! has something to do with the "humanizing" of characters... no matter how strange they look or whatever weird behavior perks they may have, most good non-human characters will have a human heart.
Well, that's the end of my rant... hopefully it'll be followed by many, many, many others!
(Oh, and don't worry about your !'s, I luckily have my own stash of 'em! See?!!!!!!!!!!!)
*Midaki rubs his chin as he looks thoughtfully at Ozzie* Hmm...
*grins demonically, but decides to forestall any violence for now, and departs*

Wow, look at that, someone who decided NOT to hurt Ozzie.

Time for a celebration! Yay! *stabs self with double-sided spike*

Ouch. Here's Xelopheris... yes, that Xelopheris.

Hello Cidolfas, Xelo here.

You better get this up this time

Or what? You gonna call your mama? >-)

First of all, thanks alot for putting the last 2 replies I had up (I managed to recover the second one before hotmail deleted my account)

Here it goes.

Animal characters a great thing in RPGs. First of all, they can be built to act certain ways, which is a good use in plot. Secondly, it holds my interests to learn more about them
Thirdly, they're a great way for the character creators to completely express themselves.

Vivi(FF9) is a great characters. He seems to be experiancing everything for the first time. He's a joyful little guy, very funny (especially that scene with Zidane in Madain Sari at night), not to mention is the only one besides Dagger that can call forth the elements without the help of weapons.

All in all, I prefer non-human characters over most humans, and I give them 5 out of 5 exclamation points !-!-!-!-!
*watches cid steal the five !!!!!

I'm not that desperate. Sheesh.

Mine! They're all mine! Mwahahahah!!!!!

...I must admit, that kind of usage never occured to me. Hey, Orakio sent in a response! I suppose he's technically a newbie, but a newbie who's done ten shrines, so that really doesn't count. 8p *WARNING: Phantasy Star 1 and 2 spoilers!*

I thought I would respond to one of these for once. None human characters. When I hear that I think of Nei and Rika from the Phantasy Star series. Both Numans who were deadly with a claw. Though I found Nei to be quite annoying because if I wanted a party of the 3 best characters at the time, Rudo, Amy, and Anna, Nei would be in the party so that left me with Rudo and Amy. But, she dies and leaves a spot open at the middle of the game. Rika, on the otherhand, is a well thought out character, based on the Nei idea. Rika had more personality than Nei, and even had better attacks. Then again, PSIV had a better battle system all together.

I also think about Myau from PS1. He (or she, I can never remember), was weak until you got it a Silver Fang. Healing spells were the best in the game, but when it came time for Dark Force, it would always be the first to go. And also, who can forget Frog from Chrono Trigger? Besides Chrono, Frog was next in line for my favorites list (ok, so I like Swords a lot). There are probably a lot more which I could talk about, like Mog, Umaro, and Red XIII, but I don't want to take up a lot of time.

Hey, why not? Not like we've got all that much to do, anyway. If we did, you wouldn't be reading this, and I wouldn't be writing it. 8p Here's Sir Fenrir now.

hi, it's Sir Fenrir. non-human characters are very important for all rpgs!!!!they play a vital role of breaking up the monotony of a purely human cast. What would the story of FF6 be like if terra was a human, or lacked the skills and power of mog? non-humans usually have a skill/powerr that is needed for the completion of the game, or make easier. the persona series would be extremely dull without the personae!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so i implore u, do not look upon non-humans as a second-tier party member, for they may just be the key to that puzzle, or the bane of the boss. We have rights too!!!!!!!!! ( i AM a demi-human)

oh, and cid, u can interrupt my letters whenever u wish, that goes for other staff as well including celes

...For starters, your letters are generally too short to interrupt. 8p For seconds, Celes isn't a staff member. O_o In fact, I haven't seen her for quite a while... especially not after she was masquerading as a cross between two DBZ characters. ^^; Ahem. Next up is Mabatsekker, whose name I can now spell right off the bat because I see it so often in the messageboards. Ain't you proud of me?

No.

I wasn't asking you.

Well, Nonhuman characters (Well, non-humanoid, since I have nothing against elves, or hobbits for that matter anyway) tend to be mostly annoying, but the cute part is usually just scary.

Chrono Cross had a ridiculous amount of non-humans (Even a mermaid. Irenes r0x0rs). Ozzie, it had even you... Anywayz, the Game did have most of them just to provide abother speech-inpediment-cursed idiot there. Some were useful (Pip, Draggy) and some were not. (NeoFio)

As for Pokémon, the cutest (smallest) suck. Ugly and otherwise rude pokémon win. Go Ugly huge bastards! Too bad the anime standard of small and helpless beings ruling over the big and stupid ones doesn't work here...

Sure, we have our own little Mog from FF6, but he was a geomancer anyway. Chrono trigger had no non-humans, except Robo, but thats too much of a human anyway.

The biggest attidude problem-ridden one is Nall from Lunar:SSSC. THE DAMN FURBALL couldn't shut up even for a second... Thank you, Signing off, Mabatsekker

I always considered Ayla to be a non-human.

That's just 'cause she was way hotter than you.

Excuse ME. Just because I actually wear clothes doesn't mean I'm any less desirable than a crazed cave-lady.

...Cid, still have some of those In-Denial pills?

Sure, a whole bunch of 'em. Never took any of them, actually.

Oy.

Completely changing the topic, let's have another mailbag reply! This one's from Archone.

Anthropomorphism comes in two kinds. The first kind is the Looney Tune variety, where the animal is simply a human of unusual appearance. Thus, Bugs Bunny isn't a rabbit, he's a mischevious boy. Taz isn't a devil, he's a dumb thug. So it is with RPG characters. Ozzie isn't a green monster, he's just a fat green idiot.

HEY!

The other kind is the Star Trek variety, where the animal has it's own culture, belief system, and attitude on life. Domingo in Shining Force is a very good example, but all the other nonhumans in that game, with their individual appetites(vegetarian, carnivore, omnivore), and belief systems(predator, social herd dweller, avian), are subtly yet distinctly differant from the humans, over and above their appearance.

In conclusion, I have to say it doesn't matter which variety of anthropomorphism is used, so long as it's used well. Ozzie may be an idiot, but at least he's an entertaining idiot. It all comes down to quality. Is the game and story high quality, or did the producers just slap together some impressive graphical scenes and scribble out a mediocre plot and poor game play?

Um... I dunno. Which game are you talking about? 8-)

He never said.

I know, that's why I asked... it's...funny...no it's not. >_< Anyway: Here's Hamelin Rackham!

"What do you think about animal/non-human characters in RPGs? Annoying? Or well-earned catharsis and variation?"

Hmm, animals in RPGs eh? Well I kinda took this question in two ways, so I'll reply to both.

First, I thought you meant the cute, near-useless little animals that follow you around... Namely Nall in Lunar 1... Er well, they tend to add comic relief, and most of it is usually corny or cliche'd. Sometimes they can be annoying, but when well thought out and not just slapped in there for young players, they can actually contribuite to the game.

Nall was cool! I liked the freak!

The other way I took this was in the characters that are humanoid, but have animal charactistics, like Momo from BoF3, Jess from Lunar, and my personal favorite, Katt... (*drools*)

...Erm, sorry bout that... anyway, I like these kind of characters, cause they tend to appear in fantasy games, and those are my favorite kind of RPGs... and cat-girls are cute! ^_^

*Ignore my pic, I was bored so I slapped it in there... sorry ^_^*

Er, yeah. Mrawr. O_o KaPiN87 is one of them newbies who only deign to write one sentence fragment. This one was in the subject of the e-mail (which read "there annoying"), and the body of the e-mail was just this: "thats all i have to say.". Which was kinda funny when you think about it.

*dissolves in peals of laughter*

Not THAT funny.

Oh, but it was! You don't appreciate the finer values of... *snrrkk* *dissolves again*

Hoo boy... I gotta get me another alterego. Hey, here's I Abibde, remember him? The smart guy?

A DWARF!!!!!

I Abibde, the Mad Dwarf, reporting. To best answer this question, I, myself, am tempted to rephrase it, so that it reads, "What do you, the readership, think about the 'Breath of Fire' series?" To the best of my knowledge as a role-player, the series previously mentioned is one of the few series of which I am aware that exclusively features playable characters of a not-quite-human nature in leading roles. Sa Ga Frontier, indeed, the whole "Sa Ga" series, is another example of a series which prominently features not-quite-human characters, but the decentralized nature of those games waters down the roles that such characters play in the story, as happens with "standard," that is, human, characters.

...Aint that it HUMANS are are predominant ? But yeah, there a LOT of Non-humans in SaGa, more than in others games...not it a bad thing.

The most recent additions to the "Dragon Quest" series may be considered a third example of a series which includes non-human characters, albeit in supporting roles. (Such games as Eternal Eyes, Kartia, and Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure may also be cited, but I wish to stick to major, well-known games.) To return to the leading question, if a CBVRPG can do as well with non-human characters as the "Breath of Fire" series has done, then more power to it. If it relegates such characters to useless roles (the Jar Jar Syndrome, to insert the obligatory "Cash Cow," er, "Star Wars" reference), or makes window dressing of them (Chu-Chu, of Xenogears, comes to mind), then they should probably be avoided. One must admit that there are times when a gamer gets tired of looking at the same bishounen characters over and over again.

I'll take your word for it... although non-human characters do tend to have more variety than humans, though. Next up is Doc Shinryuu. Take it away! Then bring it back!

*A giant robotic foot crashes through the celing and lifts back out. Doc Shinryuu jumps down through the hole in the celing, followed by Precis in the Portable Audio Booth* Thanks for the ride, Fei! *The Weltal-2 gives a thumbs-up through the celing hole and rockets away*

Doc: Hey! I'm back! *Fanfare*
Precis: And I've become a main character! *Bigger fanfare*
Doc: Hey... Remember the contract, Precis. All character-specific fanfares must be equal.
Precis: Sorry...
Doc: S'alright. Anyway, on to our response.
Precis: *Picks up a piece of paper and reads it* Hey, what kind of a stupid question is this? *mumbles the following* Suggesting demi-humans as annoying...
Doc: Yeah. I mean, c'mon, look at me! I'm a demi-human, and I'm not annoying(for you readers who haven't seen my sprites, like Ciddy has, I'm half fox, half human)!

...HalfFox, Half-Human ? What kind of freakish thing you are ? O_o...And I dont wanna imagine how it happened.

Guh?

I've never seen your sprite. O_o

I do have some of these Selective Memory medication pills, as well. The apothecary was having a sale.

Keep 'em.

Precis: There's no better way of including diversity in an RPG than putting in a species of demi-human or two.
Doc: From the FFX Ronsos to the BoF Series Wyndians, demi-humans are just a good idea!

Precis: (c)That's absolutely right(c) *Hugs Doc*
Doc: *blushes* Heh heh... Anyway, gotta go! *Picks up Precis and performs a Dragoon Jump, shouting the following* Hope you like my new response layout!

Um... response layout? O_o I think you guys take this too seriously. Here's Zippy!

"What do you think about animal/non-human characters in RPGs? Annoying? Or well-earned catharsis and variation?"

Well Cid, Zippy here with my two bits:
I don't like the animal characters. To me it seems like they are thrown in at the last minute because some bigwig game developer is like, "Oooh, let's have them play a little doggie, or a cat that rides a stuffed toy. That way we can draw in the all important age 6-12 demographic to the game!" And how believeable are they really? Correct me if I am wrong (and I am sure you will) but it seems a little odd that Red13 and his Daddy were the only doggies in Cosmo Canyon. That sub-quest/part of story could easily have been told using human or humanoid cahracters.

Notice I am differentiating between animals and humanoids, I have no qualms about having elves and dwaves in games, even moggle characters have been defined in the game as a seperate race, well... in FF9 at least. Whereas, say, Umaro from FF3/6 was not. I also have no prob with aliens in the games. X-Com <BEST GAME EVER BABY!!> would not be the same without Sectiods. Over and out!

X-COM RULES! YOUR RIGHT !

(notice I am not attempting to seize mailbag-god control from Cid by writing script for the Henchmen... Ozzie gets enough abuse from Lun...)

Good. SOMEONE listens. *glares at everyone who didn't listen* *glares at MegamanX2K too, just for the heck of it*

Y'know what's weird? Elves. They're strong in every aspect compared to humans. They wield weapons better, usually have better HP, make better equipment, are Faster, and of course are better magicians. Also, all Elves are automatically, as Zeppelin puts it, "Sexay". You never see a fat elf, or an ugly hag elf. Anyway, it seems having elves is redundant, since they're like humans, only better. Those Ears must be more important than we think. Anyway, I propose in future games we eliminate humans completely and JUST have elves. Makes sense.

Zelda series, anyone?

Hylians are humans basicaly, Cid. 'Scept the ears, but that about it.

Yeah, well elves are humans basically except for the ears, too. Hmph. So're Vulcans, come to think of it. *Compeletely ignores everyone else's arguments*

Also, is it my imagination, or were there never any Elves in FF? There are Dwarves (Lali Ho!), Imps (Damn Forest Imps), even Moogles (Kupo!) but never any elves to the best of my recollection.

Then the best of your recollection doesn't extend back to FF1, does it? 8p

There, see? Wait long enough and someone messes up. How quaint. Bling Bling is next, with the requisite banter about his own life which I'm sure EVERYONE reading this cares about deeply.

ME WANNA MASH BLING!!

Another mailbag topic? Geez, your running out of ideas. Banned three times in one week...i made a new record. Not only that, I broke my record of 4 detentions in one day, to 7, life is not going my way right now. Anyway, what do i think of non-human char. in rpgs? They suck. Pokemon was good at first, but then it went overboard, movies, tv shows, and all that other crap. But not all of them are bad, where would shevat from xenogears be without chu-chu? Why, it would be blown to bits, thanks to maria's relations. Since, if chu-chu haden't weakened him, we all what would have happened.(People who haven't played xenogears, who don't know what i'm talking about, ignore what i just said awhile go) Second test subject, legend of mana, the critters that follwed you around, weren't that bad. Oh one more thing. CREATORS OF POKEMON!! BURN IN THE FIERY PITS OF HELL WITH THE CREATORS OF THE CRAPTASTIC QUEST 64 AND ALARON, THE FIRST MAGE!! Overall, animal characters in rpgs aren't bad, they just get pumped up with so much hype that they get ruined or fade away like fads. Stores say there pokemon items sold has reduced by more than 50%. Thats what nintendo gets for putting it all on the market at once i say.
hold on a second....
*a girls voice is heard...*
Kathleen:Billy, dont you have to finish that book, walk two moons? So why are you sending some e-mail instead?
Billy:In that case, don't you have some horseback riding lessons with your twin sister right about now?
Kathleen:Oh my I forgot!!
*Runs out the room*
Whew, nice girl, but won't leave me alone for a second, anyway, thats about it, except i forgot to mention that dumb piece of crap called puffy in grandia. Ugh, i was waiting for the time she, or Sue, would either die, or leave. So, if you want good examples of animal chars. in rpgs, go play lunar 1 and 2, and legend of mana. And avoid pokemon like the bubonic plauge. Well, i have a star ocean 2 fanfic to finish, and i gotta find a way to make this rom work...must play live a live...and star ocean......

Good luck. Our second-last drug-induced reply this week comes from, guess who? Holy Vault Dweller, also known as Vault, also known as... er, nobody. *whistles innocently*

Hello kiddies! It...that time of the mon...I mean, WEEK again!

...What? Hey! I'm not obligated to do a uber fancy entrance all the times! I'm feelling particulary lazy today anyway....first response in a month! THAT were some nice vacancies!

...Okay, lazyness was inculded in that, but you dummies are NOT supposed to KNOW that. I SAIDE YOUR NOT SUPPOSED! DONT ACT LIKE IF YOU KNEW, CID!

....CID!

...Oh well, I guess he deaf.

Eh? Is someone talking?

Anyway...I guess it time to go on with the topic, wich is something that I'd wish to rant greatly about..

And I called, the CUTE FUZZY CRITTERS and how annoying they are in the everyday of a poor, honest RPG hero on his generic quest to save his pitfull world! >_<

...Oh right, and non-humans too, so I guess that inculdes elves and all that bunch? Oh whatever, let concentrate on the CFCs.

You see, with thoses pests of the RPGs, they are USUALY there to act only cute and sometimes do some pitfull comical relief, yet remains amasingly USLESS in battles, or in story! And let not mention Chrono Cross, where a good bunch of them ARE CFCs!...But it an exception, seeing that a bunch of them are actualy strong, so I guess it okay.

And Mog, he baddass too. Hmmm....Moombas were cute, but they aint Playable, so it dosent count..What I'm missing? A lot, probably, but I dont care.

Alrightster, movin' to Non-humans. By that, I suppose you mean anything that dosent remotely looks like an human, so basical, aliens or other misllancious life forms, right? So Elves, dwarves and all the AD&D convoys regular Races are out of the packet, huh? And you want ME to voice MY opinion on that? No no, I dont have a problem, I just feel like arguring a bit today, so whatever.

I think they fine, as long they have a purpose and not litteraly usless in battles. I mean, look at Re...I mean, Nanaki. He was descent, very good in fact when you think about it. And you dont...really call him cute, do you? Cool, yes, but not cute, if you call him cute, you have a problem, and a big one.

Well, you see, some people find things cute that other people don't... he's so wuvably cuddly... *cuddles a plush Red XIII doll*

...EVIL CID, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! I TOLD YOU MULTIPLES TIMES!

Go stuff it. Like this wuvable stuffed plushie. Awww...

You are CONFUSED.

Anyway, non-humans are often nessecary-and cool- as long they not utterly usless and have a purpose. Look at Goris in Fallout 2, he not an human (You dont call a Deathclaw(Some kind of semi-humanoid reptile, thanks the wicked experiments of the Pre-War US Military) cute, trust me.), he inteligent(Thanks to the Enclave, wich call themselves 'USA' ironicaly.) and is NOT usless. He extremly badass.

Let see, who I'm missing...Freakish Animal-humanoids? Nah, you hardly see them in RPG. Some Celestial-thing-angel-whatchathingy? Neither, they dosent count...Robots? Yeah, what about robots? Somes are cool, agreed, but you dont really see them really often either...Oh well, I guess thats it, huh? I gotta end somewhere this endless flow of words and sensless arguments someday or anoter, ne?

Alright, seeya all!*Vault take out a Rocket Laucher, point downward himself, fire, jump and pass thru the roof!....What? I saide I wont do a flashy ENTRANCE' not Exit!"

*And the Screen swirl around, turning black, the annoying 70' ish music playing in the background. Soon, the words "That was the Holy Vault Dweller, official commenditor of 'Lunaris TECHS ; When you need a GOOD weapon to blow the skulls and splatter the brains of the saide victime, dont come here! Us, we got things that make explode the WHOLE body!'" shows up in the screen and vanish*

Ah, crass commercialism, the spirit of our capitalist nationalistic dogmatic...nation...dogma...thing. I'm no good with isms. Our last reply this week comes from... er, you'd better see for yourself...

(The top's copied and pasted from earlier attempts, so now just stop wondering if I'm doing this on purpose.)
Although my previous attempts to send to the mailbag have been foiled (albeit because they were either sent in that afternoon they were due or to another of Cid's e-mail accounts), my nefarious schemes shall not be ruined again by such trivial matters as the time-space continuum. I shall force Cid to put me in by sheer uselessness of my reply! Here goes:
Since Lunaris asked 2 bags ago, no-one responded, and I think he's kinda cute, I grant thee... A sledge-hammer! (Be happy I resisted making any tasteless puns on the word "hammer" here.)

...Who are you ? O_o

Phew. -_-

And, to show my ego, I grant myself a new icon which you just happen to have spare... I am now...
Mr. Plus Sign!

+: Oh yeah, I was supposed to respond to the question! Not like anyone else does that, but I'm all for bureaucracy.
+: Well, to address the question as intended, Myau from Phantasy Star was actually useful (unless she got hit more than once, in which case she was dead). She could cast spells faster and better than the actual mage, had decent MP, and at first her physical attacks were useful. She was acceptable entirely because she had an equal amount of plot to the rest of the cast, AKA, only about 42x CC's better characters. It wasn't exactly clear what it was, and it vanished for a long time five minutes after finding her, but it was a purpose.
+: However, having something to thin and illegible work once for a cute character just kept making things worse. It was official that they didn't need a point once Shining Force made Jogurt, officially of class "mascot," and of only 1 HP throughout the game. He was beyond worthless, and the game encouraged using him as cannon fodder because he could dodge a bullet at point blank range 9/10ths of the time.
+ And eventually, cute characters evolved into... FF9's entire cast. It apparently hit Squaresoft worst of all.

+: Now for addressing the question as I first saw it. By God, yes random monsters are annoying!

O_o. Well, glad to see that ADD people like RPGs as well. Our topic for next week was sent in by Rabid Tauntaun and goes as follows: "What famous person most deserves to be parodied in an RPG, and what would s/he be?" Note that you cannot include anyone who you personally know but nobody else does, since nobody else cares. Send in all replies to cidolfas@rpgclassics.com, where they will be deleted. Um, I mean, I'll... read 'em and stuff, and post them here so everybody can make fun of them.

Seeya!

I Agree with Run, ME MASH !...No, me it " ME BLAST ! "