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Well, anyway, we'd like to apologize for the long time it took to get this Mailbag under way. I mean, a good server does take priority over the Mailbag.

Well said, 984

Well, we DO have a special guest tonight. A frequenter of the chat, and she's ALMOST as cute as Kagon. Say hello, Cala.

No one is as cute as me. Ph33r.

Cept Cala.

Hi everyone! ^.^ It'sa me, the other other mailbag girl. ^.^

Rar. I know what you're implying.

ANOTHER person?! Geez... And I thought SG forcing himself into this group was bad enough with all the hosts and sidekicks...

Awwww, but she's too cute to eat.....


Who was the mailbag girl, and who was the other one before the other other one? I quit.

*Walks away and comes back in mere seconds.* Ok I decided to give you guys another chance.

Bully for us.

That's because you had no where else to go SG.

INCORRECT! So uh yeah. How about that mailbag?

So ... The topic is: Why SG stinks so much ... Er ... Really, it's 'What RPG do you think never should've been made?'

You gotcha, Cala.

And we have our first reply.... by our dear Sinistral

Beyond the Beyond is an RPG which should never have been made, and its creators hopefully have been shot and killed and their corpses disposed of in order to prevent the creation of a comparable monstrosity.
The music made me feel like driving icepicks into my ears to relieve the pain. The puzzles were as annoying and anger-contributing as the world's most difficult trick in Lufia 2 - BUT WITH ENCOUNTERS (and A LOT of them too). Speaking of encounters, monsters barely gave money and exp and the attacks, which were quite frequent and difficult because of the party's inability to do shit (esp since Samson is "cursed" right off the bat). Its usually pretty useful to be able to level in a game that's old-fashioned, but the thing is, if one wants to level, HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO!!!
If that's not bad enough, the graphics, for a playstation game, were on par with the Genesis. Though I rarely ever bitch about graphics (hey I did FF1 and DW1 and DW7 , I LIKED DW7 even), this was just plain unnacceptable at this point.
I'm not done yet, the game was a major rip off of the shining force series too, like the intro with the chick and the upgrade and mythril equipment system, just without the fun. Its not bad enough the game was just plain bad, it was also unoriginal, boring, tedious and the things it copied, it sucked the fun out of worse than a thirsty goat would suckle a pantless fugitive, tied to the inside of a fenced enclosure.
You want to know how maddening this game is? My friend and I made a bet once: who would beat BtB first. I lasted 10 hours, he lasted 24 and he NEVER stopped from finishing any other game. That's how maddening this game is. Look how I turned out.

But...the game goes BEYOND that beyond! That's BEYOND...The ENTIRE BEYOND!!! Lordo!


Someone please save me from that monstrosity *gags*

Beyond the Beyond... I like the fact it gets acronymized as BtB, and we all know that that's an acid/base indicator, don't we guys and gal?

Uh yes?


Yeah. I sure did. I'm not even lying. Not. EVEN.

Uh huh. Sure you aren't...

Yea. Right ... I payed attention in science class. Really.

Bah. You people need to be more edumacated, like me.

I'm edumacated. I'm teh bestest persin at englesh eva.

Well I can make bubbles with my spit! Look! *Spit bubbles!*

Wow SG, we're so proud of you.

I know! I'm a GOOD BOY! I am a good boy.

Speak for yourself, 984...... I'm the guy of the team who gets to go to college, so nyah :P

That's because you're older than everyone else, DG. Back to business though. And who better to straigten us out than Rirse?

Greeting mailbag, it me, Rirse DeBlood the forever dying maintainer of Twisted RPG Theatre here for another mailbag of funk! First thing first, Kagon, you should be the offical "Mailbag Girl" and SG rules. *hands him caik*

Grar Rirse. Just grar.


*Eyes Kagon and Cala*


I dunno... Kagon IS good looking...


But Cala... Well, she has the benefit of being a girl... Tough call.

Ohhhh Kaggy ^.~

Don't you worry, Kagon. I might be mailbag girl , so don't worry. ^.^

DG and Kagon sittin' in a tree...

Er uhm er ah yeah bye DG.

And caik ... MMMMMMMMM ... SG, make me some trypol dubol fujj caik, too, sometime soon, would ya?



Now, back to the Reply.

Anyways, my choice of worst game that shouldn't been made is...well Deadly Towers, a rather bland RPG for the NES that even so it been ten years since last playing it that it still haunts my mind for being crap. It also goes by other names as Crystal Towers I think, but ugh what crap. But for a more recent RPG I choice Quest 64 *hears SG crying* for being a simlar product as Deadly Towre, bland and boring. I mean you play a legendly hero...Brian!?! Yes Brian, that a name that strikes fear in the heart of man. Not like Cecil or Terra, but Brian. And he doesn't use a sword, instead a big stick. Yeah, he going to wack you villains, literaly. More can be said, but I must go for time is slowing down.
And yes, dragon pants is a dork!

Deadly Towers....... *shudders*

Quest 64 ... *shudders*

*Sob sob* Brian is so scary though.

Quest 64 had bad controls ... Bad names ... Bad graphics ... No story ... Sucky plotline stuff.

Hey, I love dungeons that are a straight line too.

I'd be scared of a Brian if he was a big hulking man like the Hulk. But I have the feeling that Quest 64's Brian isn't the Hulk.

I thought it had good names , it had good graphics, and I never ever got lost. Besides that it was harder than most RPGs around. That isn't saying much though. :P


To be quite honest I had a lot of fun playing Quest 64. Which is more than I can say for 7TH SAGA! ARG

It was pathetically EASY.

AHHHHHH !!!!! Get it off !!! Get it off !!!!

Hey, 7th Saga was good. It had this thing called... challenge.

Brian had a STICK. A STICK, for cryin' out loud. 'Watch it, monster, or I'll whack you with my big stick!'

Deadly Towers + 7th Saga = BAD ><

It had the ev0l challenge loop of doom!

Deadly Towers + 7th Saga > Quest 64

Which means what SG?

Too weak, enemies kill you. To Strong, other apprectices DESTROY you.

Oh well. We all know the best N64 RPG was HM64. The best, EV0R!

All HM games rule their consoles. We know that to be a fact. *worships HM*

Right... anyways....... who's next ??

PsiOmega has the honor of being the next reply.

The one RPG I wish was never made is Final Fantasy VII. While I don't really like the game anyway, my main beef with it is that it introduced the concept to many uninitiated RPG players that pretty graphics make for a good game, something which has continued to taint the genre to this day. Pretty graphics are fine, so long as the team producing the game doesn't give other things the shaft like a good plot or sound battle mechanics just to make the water seem 2% more realistic. Yeah, yeah, Sephy-chan is cool I guess, but all he did was kill two people, one of whom this didn't really stop anyway. I also have other dislikes about the game, like the unnecessarily confusing and self-twisting plot and the fact that you can kill the final boss with one spell, but the one thing that makes me wish that it'd never been created is the way it set itself up as the standard for all RPGs to people who hadn't ever touched an RPG before. The only thing that FF7 had over any other game at the time was graphics, and that sadly seems to be what pleases the masses.

I uh ... Can't comment since I've never played it. ^.^

Ow ! Not FF7 *sobs*

Sounds absolutely mindnumbing.

FF7 wasn't bad. People just think it's bad cos it got non-hardcore fans into the scene. Which is like. Not bad at all.

Well, he does make a good point. FF7 DID bring all the graphics whores into the RPG genre, and that HAS hurt it in a way.

Not really though 984. There have still been many good games from Square, like Chrono Cross, Vagrant Story and the SaGa Frontier games.

Hey. Killing people always accounts for being evil.

Heh.... Seph was a decent villain

If you kill people, you are evil. Except for the heroes killing people in battles. Then they just get cooler and get cash and stuff.

Definitely the SaGa games.

And here comes the expected comment : The soundtrack is good, not GOOD GOOD, but GOOD. :P

Oooh oooh I'll pick the reply! I'll do it!

Eh... alright SG.

Dead81436, I summon thee!

My vote is for Septerra Core for the PC. It had a really great premise, and that made the game that followed even more of a tragedy. It was the most repetitive piece of garbage I have ever played.
1. They only had two or three enemies, which they just recolored every level.
2. The battles with the random enemies pop up every two steps and are drawn out with charge gauges and long attack animations.
3. The level designs are (barring cosmetic details) identical. You are in a corridor that splits into 3-5 different paths. Down all but one of these are switches/keys which open the door in the last path. Go through the door to next map. Repeat till you beat the game. No puzzles, no quests, not even any minigames, just slogging through screen after screen of the same thing.
All these factors combine into one making this game, which started with such promise, a truly soul-crushing experience.

Hmm.... I've never played septarra core, but about color swaps..... that ain't new, the Dragon Quest series has been using this gimmick... -_-

Sounds...bad...too bad...It sucks when things like that happen to games.

Well, DQ kinda had to do it...

Wow. Sounds absolutely mindnumbing.


Alright, our next reply comes from Stephanie Wong.

Which RPG I wish had never been made? The Holy Sword: The Ring. Never heard of it? Lucky you.
Reason One: Bad English. Remember Zero Wing? All your base are belong to us? Yeah. But without the catchiness. The dialouge is somewhere along the lines of just plain weird... Now why would a twenty-year-old prince be 'little'?

Well, the prince COULD be a midget... They're little.

What you say!!!

Someone has set up SG the bomb.

It's you!

How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us.

One more Zero Wing reference and by Great Justice, you will be SO dead.


Ha ha ha, 984.

I wouldn't talk there 984.

Just you wait, SG... I'll have my day in the sun!

Right right. Anyways back to the mailbag. :P

Reason Two: Graphics. Now, it's not that ugly games are bad. But this is a game with FMVs, yet the character sprites are chibified 2D drawings. The backgrounds are chunky like you wouldn't believe. And, when you attack an enemy, it spouts a spray-paint style fountain of blood. Eeeew.

Chibified? d00d. Col. Chibified. Cool. I like it!

Hey, at least the enemies bleed. I mean, most RPGs don't like blood.

Right on

Chibiwibiwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yeah, at least they didn't pop into stars, like in Mario RPG. :P

Damn Nintendo and their "SAve the Children" policy

We need more Teen/Mature rated games.

Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!

Nah, they're overrated.

We do, 984. We do.

Yeah. Screw the children. Er... Not literally of course...

Tsk. Such a dirty mind, 984.

We know that 984's thinking of the children. :P

Woah woah woah, wrong song conquistador

Reason Three: Gameplay. It's nearly impossible to see where you're going in town because the camera moves, in a jerky but way to damn fast manner everytime you move the mouse and that damn spoony prince won't move unless you click on a square of land, and he moves at 1/10th of the speed of the camera and pieces of scenery get in the way. And the damn game is *jerky*.

So ... Is the camera stuff jerky? I couldn't pick it up, but I think that's what you meant.

Reason Four: Prince Gilbert. Nothing really, it's just that I've got something against princes named Gilbert. They're always SPOONY.


*Holds up a spoon*

*steals the spoon and eats some pudding*

Mmmm.... Pudding :P

Hey! Gilbert was useful! If you want to hide that is.

We all know that all spoony stuff is a rip-off from Edward, the only true spoony one out there.

Gilbert killed people by playing bad songs. This is the truth.

Indeed it is SG.

Bad songs? Like pop stars?

Kinda. Only there weren't pop songs back in the day.

Now we got a Reply from Cody Lockwood.

Clockwood here again. This time my little friends are a little better. Meet my buddy, Maduu!!! It should liven up this party.
::Clockwood opens his bag a Maduu flies out::
::When Maduu is destroyed a Ghost emerges::

Well, booga booga booga to yourself :P

Now back to the matter at hand. The one rpg in the entire world that I absolutly detest was Earthbound. It had miserable graphics, no character development, and lots of weird stuff. For goodness sake, weapons include slingshots and baseball bats. One status ailment is to have mushrooms grow out of your head. Earthbound.... I spit upon you!!!

Heeeeey... Earthbound was great. The game was also a JOKE which explains the goofy enemies, status effects, and weapons. The graphics were also meant to be bad.

Why does Clockwood try to kill us? Why? Why why why?

He's trying to kill me so he can take over the world.

Because we killed his rollyball things, remember SG?

Yeah, because he tried to KILL us with them!

Meh, details.

I wanna use a baseball bat as a weapon... *Grabs a baseball weapon and hits Energon in the back of the head*

That's gotta hurt

OW! *Falls to the ground in a sickening thud*

Guess we don't have to worry about him for the rest of this Mailbag.

Hey Cody, no dissing slingshots. Slingshots r0x0rz. *pegs 984 in the back of the head with her rock flung from a slingshot*

*Rubs the back of his head* Stupid Cala...

Don't make me do worse, 984.

Ok kids. Pipe down.

Allrighty.... now let's hear it for DomaDragon, a regular on our boards :)

He's a regular?

Umm... I guess :P


70 posts isn't regular =P

Well it isn't irregular! PLAH!!!

Well, it's been a few months since I last wrote, but that is mostly because I had nothing to say about the topics. But since this week's entry is rather interesting to say the least, I shall do my best to respond.
Which RPG do I wish was never made... well, as a fic writer, the first thing I look for in an RPG is interesting characters or scenarios that could be well translated into fiction. All other details are second to that all-important feature. So the RPG I want to exise from the collective consciousness must either have very little story, or drab, uninteresting characters.
Secondly, we must consider what would happen if the RPG in question was never made. Without Chrono Trigger, for example, there would be no Chrono Cross. (All right, stop cheering.) Consequently, whatever RPG I choose must not be the first in a series, or have any revolutionary features that changed the face of gaming for the better. Unfortunately, that means that I cannot use my first choice of Shining in the Darkness...
Finally, I made a concerted point to not nominate any game that I knew would recieve at least one vote from someone else. That meant that Beyond the Beyond and FF: Mystic Quest are safe. Not that I would have voted for them anyway.

Hey. Why does everyone hate FFMQ? FFMQ r0x0rz!

Yeah, and at the very least, FFMQ had nice music.

Because they all secretly know that FFMQ is really superior to their favorite RPGs. Such as RS3.

Hey, FFMQ has a terrific rock soundtrack, go Sasai & Kawakami ! :D

984... yoooooouuuu....

Sorry 984. Romancing SaGa 3 owns all SNES RPGs' faces.

So my choice for "RPG that I wish was never made" goes to the horror that is The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang. This had wretched characterization of the people in this game and gameplay that wouldn't have been good if you plunked a little elven boy in it. It wasn't worth the time I took to play it, beat it, and then slam the cart repeatedly with a ten pound sledgehammer (literally... I can send you a shard if you're interested).

Twisted Tales of Spike McFang ??? You gotta be kidding, from what I've played, it r0x0rz

I've been meaning to play that game for a long time now.

Yeah, but it doesn't seem to get a sterling review from Doma.

Hey... I want a shard of a SNES cartridge just so I can reply to "What has the Mailbag ever done for you?" by saying I got a SNES cartridge off of it.

I'd like a shard. Preferably sharp. No particular reason. *evil grin*

Yep yep. Sure is a pity. But uh, let's get that next letter.

Our next reply comes from MegamanX2K.

Truthfully? I know I'm gonna offend a lot of people but I have to say...Earthbound.

I'm not offended.

Nor am I.

I'm not offended, but I like Earthbound.

First off, I don't like the idea of someone else parodying Dragon Warrior. If anyone should do that, it would be Enix themselves. THEY would be able to do it right. Look at Parodius, e.g.
Second, Earthbound's gameplay was...well, bad. I'm not a big fan of Dragon Warrior's slow and not too imaginative battle system (choose all your commands in the beginning and hope for the best). Nor am I a fan of having your character so low in power that he needs to fight 50 or so battles just to fight the first boss. Putting effort into Leveling up is one thing, but when the battles are hard and tedious and too many of them are neccessary to keep moving, that causes me to lose interest fast. Dragon Warrior was oft guilty of this, but Earthbound was worse.
As for the graphics, I think they could have been done better. Yes, I know they're supposed to mimic EB0 which was a NES game, and that they're supposed to look like clay. But you can have satirical designs without looking like crap. For instance, Spike McFang (that kid's top hat is bigger than And the music was...something I just tuned out. Sounded like a lot of random notes sewn together.
Finally, I don't know about you but I did not find Earthbound very entertaining. At times it was a bit corny and a bit cute, but nowhere near as funny as a lot of people said it was. I hardly even smiled.
Anyway, the biggest reason to remove Earthbound from the timeline...well, it's probably the only game HAL had a part of that was crap. Otherwise, their record was spotless (Arcana and every Kirby game ever made). Actually, HAL had only marginal involvement in EB (I know MrSaturn seems to think otherwise but Hal isn't even mentioned in the opening sequence and let's face it...this game hardly sounds or feels like a HAL game). But still, I found it disappointing HAL coundn't have allowed this game to be...decent...
Disclaimer: I am NOT a Hades-style Hater of DW for no reason. I have my gripes about DW which I have discussed before but that's true for about every game series. Also, I LOVED Dragon Warrior Monsters. So...please let me live?

Hmm ... I say we kill X just 'cause he said not to. All in favor, say AYE!


Nay. He's a good Mailbag Replier, and we need more of those.


Yeah, he should live.

Live??? Er damn. i lost.

Well, maybe later. *puts away Rusty Knife (TM)*

You've been lost.

While SG's trying to find himself, let's look at Helen's Reply.

Well, after managing to tear free from my desire to kill a certain unnamed red-haired Emperor (and if you've played Fire Emblem 4, you'll KNOW who I'm talking about.) long enough to remember to respond to this thing, I have a very.... unimportant-ish thing to say about the last questionairre. There were two reasons why I didn't respond to the original question (about Bubba and Kagon and prison) -
a ) I'm not so crude as to answer the obvious answer.
b ) No matter WHAT I answered with, I would have suffered THE PAINFUL DEATH. (Trademarked to unknown person).
With that in mind, let's just get on with the real answer before people start up a Monty Python-esque "GET ON WITH IT!" thing.

Yeah that whole thing's just ungood, and I hate 984. A lot.

Heh. I really want to see a topic on that.

Kagon, sure you don't hate Bubba more?

Oh, I hate you and Bubba equally.

Now, I am going to make you all groan and want to flame me by answering with my obvious answer - Final Fantasy 7. Sure, it deserves SOME credit of making RPGs more popular - but that's not always a good thing, as rabid fanboys (and fangirls, let's not be sexist here) that think FF7 is the best game EVER have taught us.
(Warning - Words which use ALL CAPITALS will be used a lot in this. So if you don't like them, skip past this, okay?)
Let's see.... the story is very confusing, and the fact that you have to hunt for key points about the pasts of certain characters just DOESN'T appeal to me at all. In a RPG with at least semi-decent character development, you can tend to fall in love with certain (if not all) characters, and actually miss them after you beat it. (No really, that happens with me. Stop laughing.) In this game, the characters were NOT likeable enough for it to happen. And Sephiroth was a VERY unconvincing villian in my eyes. I'm sorry, but a much better job was done by Kefka, Manfroy, Odio, the Seven Heroes.... heck, even ULTROS did a better job than Sephiroth in my eyes!
But enough about the story and characters. What REALLY crossed the line for this game was the GAMEPLAY ITSELF. I have issues with the Materia system - if you've got a spell, you should be able to use it in a battle until you're out of energy to cast it with, NOT the amount of times that the Materia wants you to use it! I also have issues with summons that take a long time to complete. (which is what all Final Fantasies after 6 are notorious for.) And I ALSO have issues with a battle system that becomes rather.... stale after only a short time of playing. But, just to add insult to injury, the game is bloody EASY! The hardest time I had with this game was the ShinRa March! And Sephiroth - for a Final Boss, he was bloody WEAK! The only reason why it took so long to beat him was because he kept casting that damned Super Nova, which takes five minutes (at LEAST) to complete! And to think - my party was around the levels of 63-64, and I didn't have Knights of the Round. I think there's something completely wrong when the SECOND-TO-FINAL boss is stronger than the FINAL BOSS himself!
And then, just to pour salt on the injury, EVERYONE GOES AROUND AND LOVES THE FREAKING GAME!!! FF7 haters are flamed because they hate the "best game ever"! You can't go to ANY website on the internet without seeing praise for FF7! Other and (in my opinion) better RPGs are hated on because the person loves FF7 WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH!!!
*stops, takes deep breaths, calms down, etcetera etcetera etcetera* Whew. Don't think I've ever gotten that flustered in a complete and utter rant before. Go me. So..... I think it's obvious that I just don't like FF7, ne?
P.S - I praise the Lunaris Scarecrow. The SaGa series rocks. (Okay, so I'm a SaGa Fangirl, got a problem with that....?)

Well anyways I've already said what I had to say about FF7. And I don't think it's a bad game. Just far from the best.

Umm.. go SaGa series !!! Woo ! :D

Yeah SaGa!

Yeah... I doubt two members of the SaGa Team hate SaGa...

I love SaGa... and Helen is automatically my friend. Oh, wow.

Yeah, SG and I love you now Helen.

I love SaGa too, go Ito & Hamauzu :D

In the way a man loves a woman, or the way a man loves a fine Cuban cigar?

Undecided. :P

Our next reply is from Shadow Lurker!

To the C-R-A-Z-Y Mailbag people,
There are lots of them but... I think you want just one... Well too bad you get a short/long list of them! I would first kill the crap known as Quest64 because: It looked like dirt, it was faaaaaaaar to confusing, enemies toooooooo hard with powerful enemies on the road in the first dungeon and even right outside towns, a very weird magic system involving collecting, and to top it all off you play a small meek overall Disney-esque little boy trying to... I don't know stop some great evil perhaps... If you think that this sounds like I hate old school well you're wrong. I LOVED Dragon Warrior 1 it was very cool especialy how it ended(who would've thought that the silent hero would say something at the end of the game?). I would also kill Seventh Cross: Evolution. I liked the game but... As far as an Action/RPG goes... it was B-O-R-I-N-G(I should've mentioned that in the reason why I would kill Quest64). But it has it's strong points if you like tedious leveling up constant enemy attacks and evolving just so you can get that needed nutrient to change your legs into swimming and land walking legs. I admit this game is a game I love and hate(someone would(should) say I was in Heaven and Hell playing this game). So that was a real double edged sword if I ever saw one myself. Yet another RPG I would prevent from existing is Soulbringer. It is overly complicated(each weapon has four attack settings. some will just plain miss an opponent others may take their head clean off their shoulders. some more effective against one type of enemy others useless. I like deep games as much as the next guy but... please actualy put some thought into this!) I also don't like the "talkibg to the spirits" part of the game where you use a spell on a corpse and you can talk to the corpse's spirit. Sounds cool but when it is succsesful it says "The spirit was drawn into the well" and you never get to have a nice friendly chat with the sod taking dirt nap on the floor! The game is also to hard. An example: You gotta find your uncle's house but Brigands are chasing you. You get cornered by the Brigands in town and get killed. And that was from the start of the game. Hmmmm... well I'm outa ideas... I guess this is goodbye! 'till next time do the Dew

Kill Quest 64! KILL! KILL! *smashes cartridge to pieces*

So. Much. Words. ERROR....ERROR!!!! *Shuts down*

Hey, ANOTHER person that dislikes Quest 64... It seems it and EB are the crowd not-so favorites.

And here we go, Leimrey... uh yeah

Lime Ray! Woo!

Pokemon Yellow Gold Silver and Crystal.
Pokemon Red and Blue were... somewhat good. Then they come up with this idea to make one where all that was different was you started with a Pikachu, and you couldn't evolve it. Then, you're missing pokemon on the game. Some of them are on both Red and Blue, some of them only Red, some of them only Blue. So to perfect the game, you have to buy Pokemon Red and Pokemon Blue, as well as another game boy and a link cable.
THEN Nintendo comes out with Gold and Silver. Just another excuse to buy more games. Then there's an entire thing in G/S. Some Pokemon that are unique in R/B/Y (such as Articuon or Mewtwo) don't appear in them, and you have to choose wether to keep them on your Gold or your Red game pack.
Pokemon is Nintendo's idea of constant money. THE END.

Agreed. Of course now they've screwed that up with GBA so :P

What's wrong with Nintendo making money? It's proven to be a successful franchise, and Nintendo IS a business. Geez... I'm beginning to think all gamers are Communists when they complain about businesses wanting to make money...

I didn't say there was a problem. I just said what Leimrey said was true.

As a person who has played the games, they're not that bad. They keep it going to get more MONEY. With that cash, they make new (and hopefully better) games.

Pfeh. I still think most gamers are Commies.

Call me a Commie and die.

I said most. Not all. Most.

I know. But if you put me in the 95% category, you die. A painful death.

Anyway, Kagon has to leave now. Apparently Mudo made a mess in the bathroom, and Kagon has to clean it up.

*waves to Kagon*

And don't come out until it's squeaky clean Kagon! RARARR

And when you're done, clean mine, too. And stuff. Yea. SG, make me some more caik when we get done with this, would ya be a darling? Tankee. ^.^ *hugs SG*

Oh Cala...I'd do anyuthing for you...cept for the things I wouldn't do. :D

While he's gone, we'll let Anonymous give us his opinion. Because that's what makes this Mailbag great. People. And opinions.

Yo everyone, Dark Moogle here (applase) and the RPG that I hate the most is Tactics Ogre(all of em, but mostly the SNES one) it's just damn boring to wait for the little gye to move around going to town, watching a dumb battle, then walking into the town and liberating it, then doing it again. You barely play it at all. The worst non-RPG and worst game ever would be Ronald Mcdonald's adventure(or something like that).When i played it and got to the last level when i was little, and there was nowhere left to go, so I had to turn it off with out any saving method.(curse you Ronald). That's my opinion, so value it well.

Short. But Tactic Ogre r0x0rz. How can you say it sucks? :(

TOG r0x0rz

I don't like Tactics Ogre because getting strong enough to survive is very slow. But as much as I hate to admit it, it is a good game.


I was bored by it. As for Ronald McDonald, it's a McDonalds game. What do you expect? That's like asking for a rivetting story from a Barney game. Sheesh...

Don't rant on a game that was made to be ranted on. We all know it bites without it having to be said.

I always thought that a cool game would be Ronald McDonald's action kung fu. Could you imagine?


That WOULD be cool...


He could fight the purple guy, and the Hamburglar, and the bird...

I mean, he could throw fries instead of ninja stars! How cool is that?

And those Fry Guys could be like Goombas!

tuh, I had the idea since I was four so :P

The game idea was based of Jackie Chan's action kung fu on the NES 984. :P

Well bully for it, SG. I thought of it as a Mario mixed with Street Fighter game. :P

Anyway ... On to our next reply, which is from ... *dramatic pause x3* PS2 Princess.


Ok..... she still scares me Oo

Heh. Remind me to stay on your good side, PS2P.

...Er...ouch...but...mommy...said...girls liked to be told they're pretty? yeah ouch...sorry...I think I'm gonna do clean up now. *Heads off to the bathroom*

The same one Mudo messed up, SG?

*From the bathroom* Yes indeed!

Say hi to Kagon for me!

*From the bathroom* Yes indeed! Again!

well, since im in a yelling and ranting mood,which rpg do i REALLLLYYY HATE,ABOR AND WISH TO BLOW UP SO IT WOULD NEVER SEE THE RAYS OF SUN AGAIN!?!?!?!?..............wait a minute..,lemme tap into my brain,i forgot.........tapping.............tapping........nope................uh-uh... it IS!
THOUSAND ARMS! i SWEAR,the graphics are HORRIBLE! its like a bad cross between cel-shading and a bad side paint job,the story,....well.......i didnt have the stomach to finish it all.............and this whole thing with the main character(who had a girly name and sounded like a girl the way,hes a guy,if ya didnt know) and him trying to woo girls just made me VOMIT!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHA! I SAID VOMIT!!!! life is sad............. -PS2 PRINCESS, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So basically, your main beef with the game is the graphics? That's kind of, uh, shallow.

I wonder ... Which came first: Thousand Arms or Thousand Isles (salad dressing, for you ignorami). And did they rip off the other one?

*Back from the bathroom* Well now the sink's a mess. I don't think Kagon will be done til like wednesday. Tuh, sucks for him. Our next reply comes from Aiemond's Corpse.

Too bad Aiemond never replied.

Ahh,I decided I could take a break from searching for my corpse in everquest (Note: After being Ported, remember to get a bind before you go to somewhere dangerous. Save alot of time) and comment on this weeks mailbag.
The RPG I wish was never made was......Breath of Fire 4. I am a big fan of the series, but the 4th incarnation of Ryu, Nina, and Dragons was just plain crappy. The story was not too good (SG could write a better one), the dragon system was sad (Not as Bad as 2s though), The characters sucked, and there was no parallel to any of the other games in the series.
Lets look a little more indepth at the game. Ok, Ryu is a dragon "God" . He's not a member of the Brood (or dragon clan, whichever you prefer) and the actual (the one in the last 3 games) Dragon God is gone. Not only that, the other dragons are poofed up from another world! Hmm, I seem to remember the BoF games being about the Dragon Clan, not some other universe. Leave other universes to Wild Arms 2 and others.
Now to rave about the dragon system: It sucks. Ryu only looks like a dragon for his breath attacks. And, they are not that great. Kaiser is nice, but the other ones leave much to be desired.
I could go on and on, but If I did so, I would get too upset. So the final result: Even if the devolpment team for BoF 4 consisted of SG and Kagon (note: Yes, Kagon, I am putting you on SG's level, have some cake), then it would still be a better game that what camcom put out with this release
Oh, and just a side note: Chrono Cross never should have been made either. That storyline should go back to the hell it originated from)
Well I'll see you guys next week, I I like the topic.

He dissed SG ... Oooooooh ...

Tuh! I merely feign my stupidity. You'd be quite surprised. Besides, I have better things to do than argue with a dead body so Hmph. Even though I agree about everything you said about the game. :P

Kagon = SG? Psh. And what is this cake? Is it like caik? Is it tasty?

It's a cheap ripoff.

Kinda like Fruity-Os.

*Wakes up* Ugh... Mailbag done yet?

Almost. Just need to introduce Doc...

I thought you were gone? Not yet. Introduce the next one.

*Grabs the letter* Next up is Doc Shinryuu! Read, laugh, and I am outta here! *Runs away*

Dammit. I was gonna knock him out.

That boy definitely needs less sugar...

*A Plot Hole opens up in the celing of the Mailbag. As you wonder what it's doing there, Doc Shinryuu bursts up through the floor. He dusts himself off, muttering something about Reverse Physics, and faces the hosts.* Hello, Mailbag inhabitants. Doc Shinryuu here. *EXTRAVAGANT FANFARE!!!* OK, that was a bit too loud.
Which RPG do I wish was never made? That's a pretty tough one. I'd say... Earthbound. Reasons? OK, here:
1. The storyline was wierd and hard to follow,
2. The Battle System was confusing,
3. The Condiment Item System was even MORE confusing,
4. Aaand the final boss was cheap.
...I guess that's it.
Well, I guess it's time to leave. But before I go, I've just GOTTA hurt someone. *Tosses a caik-shaped grenade at SG and runs out the door.*

*Kicks the grenade towards Cala, Hackey Sack style!*

*steals the caik-shaped grenade and eats it* So ... Yeah. EB is bad ...

Okay. So, EB was the most despised RPG followed by Quest 64. Sounds about right.

Next reply! Which is from ... JIHARN!

Ok, I've got a serious answer this time! Don't worry!
Ok, the one game I hate, and wish was never that stupid Duck Hunt! Damn you, you stupid ducks for being so fast! I swear, they practically fly around in circles, taunting me. They know I'm a bad shot, and they're rubbing it in! Grrrrrr.... And that dog is in cahoots with em, I tell ya! They pay him duck cash to stand there and laught at me, and distract me! Of course I can't prove it; I'd shoot at him, but he's too smart and hides while the gun is active.
And the game doesn't have an end, either! It just keeps going and going...seriously! I got up to a really, really high level a long time ago, but it wouldn't stop! No matter what, it keeps going until you get that stupid dog laughing at you! And what's more, he--
*** Jiharn was kicked by Kagon (Stop lowering my IQ!)

Duck Hunt r0x0rz.

Oh! I hate those ducks too! And that DOG! Always laughing at me! I wanna shoot him!

And that dog is cute!

I actually want to make a game where you shoot flying dogs rather than ducks, and if you miss, the duck laughs.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DAMN DOGGIE!!! *Finds his duck hunt and throws it into oncoming traffic!*

Well, Cala has to leave. Say bye bye to Cala. She won't be here next time.

Bye Cala.

She won't ??? -_- Bye sweets

Nope. She was a treat to our readers because of the long delay.

What a nice treat too... :DDDDDDDDDDDD

You liked her just because she had two X chromosomes.

That had minimal part in it 984!

Hmmmm... onward to the final reply

Lay off the Kahluas, man. We're done.

*Holds glass* Awwwww Youuuuuuuu SG...... you're ..... my hero ! Uh he he he he he

That's cool right DG?

Yeah...... the midis....... there's like *burp* cool

Well, almost done. We still need a topic... Oh! I got it! We all know FF1 was ported to the Wonderswan with some changes to it, and the same thing's happening to Skies of Arcadia for the GC. Well, in light of those facts, our topic for the next Mailbag is "Which RPGs would you like to see be remade for the newer consoles while still staying true to their roots, and how would you like to see them be remade?" Send all replies to us. I mean, if you don't, we can't read them.

*passes out* Burp !

:O Well Ithink DG's cool with that 984.

And now, DG is piss drunk again. SG, you better get DG's little country to carry him off.

Nah, I'm gonna leave early. I have to something important that I have yet to think of. *Runs off*


... Damn that musician... Okay, Evil DG, and the rest of you, carry your master away, now!

Yuck, he stinks !!

Oh stop complaining

Yum ! Hey, this tastes great !


Lesson #1 kiddies, don't bring DG near Kahlua. Um yeah.

Sound advice.

Liek toly.

Well, that's that. *Leaves and turns off the lights*

Whoo... Finally finished the bathroom... Stupid Mudo...

Hey! It's not my URP! *Runs back into the bathroom holding his mouth*

Oh no...