RPG Classics Mailbag

Previous Mailbags

Hey kids! It's time for another round of Mailbag Madness! With your host, Skankin' Garbage! And his lovely subordinates, Kagon, and Megaman984! And DG, but he had to be sick today, he said. Weird... So where mah' BOYZ at? Kagon, can I get a WHAT WHAT?

I'm not your subordinate.

...I uh, Can I get a HEY?!?!?!??!

HEY! SG, if you don't get out of my chair you will be hurting so hard...

Oh and HEY SG, go get me some of those chocolate chip cookies.

And fluff my pillow.

Hurting so hard? Well at least it won't be soft, right? Let's grab the first letter. Kagon, I command you to fetch it for me.

Get it yourself. Lordo, remember SG, you obey US. We don't obey you.

Yeah.

Get it YOURself. Hey, but it's my birthday (party) today! Appease me.

Fine. In honor of SG's birthday, I'll get ONE Reply for him. ONE.

Yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

He's so easily amused.

At least it isn't hard, right?

So, as SG's present, he gets a special card by XCountryguy. Take it XC.

The first RPG that comes to my mind is FF7. FF7 is possibly my favorite FF but playing it again is sometimes a little hard on the eyes. I could picture FF7 with FF10 graphics and re-mastered music. I liked the gameplay of FF7 so I wouldn't want to change it, but the game would be much more enjoyable for me if the aesthetics of the game were inproved.
Also another improvement would be for it to be released on the Gamecube. heh heh.

Eh, maybe. Just maybe. I never put a lot of thought into remaking Final Fantasy 7. Some older games would be nice, I think.

Graphical improvements... That's a good way to redo it while staying true to its roots.

Eh, I guess so. I never really was a huge fan off FF7 anyways.

Well, SG, SoA is already being remade.

Yeah, I don't particularly agree with it being remade. Phantasy Star Online is understandable, cos it's an MMORPG, and won't do very well on a dead system. That was a nice letter but I think it's time to move on. KAGON! NEXT LETTER!

*Whispers to Kagon* Do as he says. He shall rue the day...

*Whispers to 984* Indeed. *So everyone can hear it* Fine SG... our next letter comes from DarkKnight42291.

I would remake Earthbound. I would either keep the old characters or go with the new ones they had(A cowboy, his two sons, and his dog), because if they had those characters there would be a western themed story, which are always good. Yeah, I suck at making responses, I know.... Mm, Caik.

CAIK.

Eh, you get participation points for trying. :P I dunno, cos I haven't played Earthbound. I've played Mother, on the NES, and I loved it. Maybe I'll get around to Earthbound sometime.

Western themed stories ARE good... Remember Quigley Down Under? Hooooo-wee! Cowboys in Australia! Woo!

No 984, I can't say that I remember that... at all.

It had Tom Selleck.

What's quigley?

No wonder I can't remember it.

Bah. You don't know your (not-so) classics.

What's a Selleck?

Well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet, but man... *Laughs* So to answer your question, I don't know.

That's cool right? :O

No. Not really.

Oh. Man that is NOT cool.

Since SG doesn't know who Selleck is, he can fetch the next Reply.

Yeah, I was gonna get it anyways :P The next letter comes from my special spy guy, Brett Ultimus.

Special spy guy?

SG gets him to spy on the cheerleaders.

Yeah, he tells me when people try to put my midis on other sites. And what 984 said. :P

I think they should do two more game sets for the Playstation.
1) The Romancing SaGa series (1,2,and 3). Although never released in America (and should of been, grr), I feel it would make good business for them, and pure fun for us :D
2) Secret of Mana and Secret of Mana 2 (Seiken Densetsu 3) out for Playstation as well. The second one was great, and those two would make a good collector's pacakge :D

Woo. Another SaGa fan! Yeah, we definitely need those released over here. They don't even have to touch the graphics.

Yes! SaGa!!!!! Woooooooooo. And the Seiken Densetsu games are cool too. LoM was the best though, I'm fine as long as I have my Dudbears.

Dub dabba! SG gak!

!!!!!!!!!! GAK!!!!!!!

SG gak 984! Dabba dabababa dub daba!

You two are SO messed up.

Kagon GAK RS3. :P

Gak. And 984, I blame SG. He's a bad influence on my intelligence.

He's a bad influence on EVERYONE's intelligence.

So true.

At least I was influential to you guys. I feel so special. But not like Special Ed. Special. Anyways! 984, FETCH ME MY LETTER ...And some CAIK!

Yes'm Massa, SG. I dun what to do anythin' yousa like, Massa suh.

Excellent, mwahahahahahaha.

I feel so used.

We's got a Reply from Massa Archone, Massa suh. Is dat good, Massa suh?

Yes, indeed. Now display it on the mainscreen. Or something else cool.

We don't have a mainscreen.

*Displays it with a projector onto Kagon's back*

Heeeeeey.....

I'd like to see a remake of Battletech: The Crescent Hawks Inception. It was a great game, but too limited. I'd like to see the remake retain the same free form wandering the planet(as opposed to individual missions on individual battlefields a la Front Hazard), the same turn based tactical combat with the potential for a lot of strategy. But I'd like to see the ability to hire more Crescent Hawks, to modify the 'Mechs in more ways then just two "enhance the firepower at all costs" upgrades, and to have more to the combat then just wandering around engaging in random battles with the same light Battlemechs. A prime case of not enough of a good thing...

Is that an RPG? I don't remember that game.

I don't exactly know- I've never heard of it.

Sounds like...yeah. I don't know, I've lost all hope.

It DOES sound like too little of a good thing though, and that's bad.

Hey! Energon needs to have a turn. Let's invite the whole gang in here! It's my BIRTHDAY WOO

Let's not and say we did... Mudo's not in the best of spirits.

SG's birthday? Has he hit maturity yet?

Obviously not.

PSHHHHHH ok nevermind, get outta here. You guys are bringin' me down.

Fine by me.

Just for that 984, you get to get the next reply...AGAIN!!!!! Hahahahahah!

I am obviously not wanted.

Bully for me.

Obviously. *heads out*

Well, our next Reply is from Lime Ray. Take it away, Limey.

DUB0L FUJJ CAIIIK!!!
Yep.
The following games on GBA
Bahamut Lagoon
ToP
FFV
That is all.
No remakes or anything, just use the online translations and put them in english, then put them where I can play them in my hand without a laptop.

Limey messed up. He didn't really give any improvements other than Fan translations.

Uh. He realizes that there is a bahamut lagoon patch for copy users, right?

Yeah, this deserves a little special thing.

Good. Limey got a Frick. Know what that deserves?

No. Tell me, I order you. :P

It deserves another Reply.

Alright, Kagon can get it.

Alright fine fine... Our next response is from Zenogais7, who better not step on that caik.

You will use this. Do you know what I will do if you don't? I will be forced... to... step on the caik!!! With the worst old boot I can find!!! And then I'd have to send you a picture of a stepped on caik and it would be bad. I think they should remake... hmmm... how about Xenogears. I know it's not old... but Xenogears is the GREATEST GAME EVER!!! The graphics were alright, but they could be improved a lot, and they could add more of Rico's story and add voice overs through the whole game, not just the anime sequences and they could IMPROVE DISC TWO!!! Of course, the story is so awesome it could not be improved in any way concievable. It would be the greatest game ever!!!!

Hmm, Changing Disc 2? That wouldn't be fun. :P

Disk 2 definitely needed improvement in my opinion. It seemed to rushed and thrown together for me.

Hmm, not like there was much else they could have done with it I don't think.

That whole "you can't visit any towns except for the survivor base anymore ahahahaha" thing pissed me off.

You'd REALLY hate Grandia II then, Kagon.

Eh, I liked it. Less places to go. Besides, you could go to KISLEV. :P Someone fetch the next letter immediately!

You fetch it.

Yeah, we've BEEN fetching them.

Throw it to me, at least, sheesh.

*Throws the Reply to SG*

*Catches the reply* Hey look, a letter from our pal, Diesel.

As in Vin?

I'd hope not.

Vin Diesel showing up to my b-day party is cool. well no not really.

Well, if there was a God, 8-Bit Theater would come in video game form, but since I cant have that, I would have to say, ff5. I would love to see how they would keep up with the different classes, have good graphics, and be able to explain just why you could click a couple buttons and turn from a black mage into a white mage....

Insta-clothing changing devices. Don't leave home without them kids.

8-Bit would be good as a video game... Wait. It's called Final Fantasy.

Yeah, I wanna know how you can switch just by pressing a few buttons too...Same with all the other games that do it that NO one worries about :P

Yeah, but Final Fantasy wasn't as funny. All it was was LIGHT WARRIORS defeat the EVIL POWERS with the ORBS.

That sounds funny to me.

...True true.

Well if you make fun of it like Rirse did in Twisted RPG Theatre it's funny.

I mean, who beats up bad guys with glass balls?!

Well, funniER actually.

Fighter does, of course.

True.

So, can I order SG to get the next mailbag reply?

Sure. His party is almost over anyway.

SG! I DEMAND THE NEXT MAILBAG REPLY!

You CAN order me...but uh, doesn't mean I will. So yeah Kagon, if you want the next reply, be my guest.

*Tosses SG in the Mailbag Letter Bag* Fetch, foo!

*Uses his ninja powers to make it float over to Kagon* Fetch, foo!

Fine fine if it'll END this. Our next response comes from our good friend Marc Thibeault.

He's not a good friend of mine. More like the guy I nod to in the halls.

I say that if Square would really think about it they should redo Final Fantasy 6. I know they already have, but they should redo it in 3D. Redesign everything....and do it like FFX...that would be the best!! Well, I think...imagine it...it would be awsome to see Sabin do his suplex in 3D in a battle! Anyway, that's what I think would be kick ass big time!

See, now that's what I was talking about. If it could stay true to its roots, FF6 would be pretty good in 3-D.

I take it I was the only person that never used Sabin?

Yeah. Sabin was neato. Though he wasn't someone I liked to use also. I liked Mog! Wooo

I liked Gau. ...and I'm the only one that did too.

I like him. No one else does though :P

You know what I like?

Who?

Shut up?

People getting the last Reply so we can finish.

Oh. Well you know what I like?

Die?

CAIK?

No.

Fine. SG hates CAIK. That's that. I like X's Reply. Let's read.

First off, since everyone else is clueless, let me use my immense intelligence to clear this confusion up: BtB as 984 was using it refers to Bromythyl Blue, an Acid/Base indicator that you often use if you're in Chemistry. So there. Now that I've finished wowing you, let us return to the topic at hand...

Wow?

Sounds pretty tasty.

I'm not wowwed. I already knew that, Mr. Ragnarok-Buster-For-A-Brain.

It's no secret that my favourite console RPG of maybe ALL time is Terranigma, period. Since we as good old American Citizens were denied this treasure by the EEEEVIL Japenese and Europeans working in tandem thanks to a secret WW2 treaty (If we, the Axis powers lose to the United States, our most kickass games shall never make it overseas so those bloody Yankees shall pay), we had to settle for ROMs, but since it WAS released in Britain no translation was needed. That's actually one thing I would ypdate: a slightly better translation. The only problem was slight spelling errors (in the Mick Burger places, someone says "ecause" without the B to begin his sentance) and maybe the occasional confusing dialogue. The only other problem I can think of is the length of the game; a lot of people complained it was too short. I say baloney, but to satisfy them perhaps the exp. should be tweaked so most parts (especially the beginning) require more level ups. Except the Jungle of Zu, that needs FEWER level ups. A secret dungeon would be COOL and would give us old-timers something to look forward too. Lastly, Ark should have the ability to sell stuff. Period.
That's about all I can think of that would apply to this mailbag; the only other thing I would change would be to overhaul the magic system but then it wouldn't apply to the topic at hand.

I don't think there was an EEEEVIL axis overly, but it was sad that we were deprived of such a good game. It was mainly because Enix of America closed before they were able to release it here.

He commented on spelling and then spelled Sentence wrong. You know what that means?

...Do I want to know what that means?

*Shows the YOU MESSED UP! Sign*

Nevermind Kagon. it already happened. You missed it. You shoulda been there.

But... I was right here.

No you weren't Kagon. Wanna bet?

Yes.

Ok. I win.

No! No you don't! AHHH! YOU CHEATED!

Wanna bet on that too?

Yes!

Ok. I win. Again.

AHHH I GIVE UP!

Yes, give up! Mwahahahahahahahha, or whatever. So tell everyone about the next topic, 984.

While those two keep on betting, I'm gonna move on to next Mailbag's Topic. See, next Mailbag, we have a special topic... A Free For All Topic! Basically, you can rant about ANYTHING in the world of RPG-dom.

I'm so scared of this...

I think it'll be fun. I think.

But you DON'T think! That's just it!

There are a few rules though. 1) It HAS to be about RPGs. 2) Keep the language slightly clean. 3) Use proper punctuation at the least. We don't wanna deal with page long essays with only two commas. 4) Merl r teh Dev0l.

Emphasis on rule 4.

Indeed.

Yes. Much emphasis. Send all rants to us.

Anything to add, Kagon?

Sure. We want more replies for the free for all.

Well duh.

Obviously.

Yeah yeah yeah so ANYWAYS wanna go get some CAIK guys? Your treat!

No thanks...

Our treat? No way. Party's over, SG. And no crying.

Yeah, don't cry this time. Now go away. Shoo shoo.

You sure? It's not every day I let you guys buy me ice cream! Ah, oh well. I've had my fun. Maybe next time, eh guys? eh eh EH??

No. Not next time, not the time after that, not ever! You stole all my money on your stupid bets anyways.

...K... *Leaves, struggling to keep the tears inside*

*Crying* Damnit, why didn't they come eat ICE CREAM with me? Why couldn't I cry? It's MY party, and I'll cry if I want to! Or it was, rather...man, they would have cried too if it happened to them!

Goddammit SG! Stop crying and FOCUS THE BIG POWER!