RPG Classics Mailbag

Previous Mailbags

Hey kids! Guess what time it is?

It's Howdy Doody Time!

Wrong.

Time for you to DIE?

...? Time for you to DIE? Huh?

Is it 1:30 in the morning?

It's 10 30.

1:30.

In your stupid California time.

My timezone could beat up your timezone.

I have $5 on CST.

Yeah, well my grandpa's 100! he's older than you so he could beat you up.

What are you talking about? I'm 984! I win.

I win?

No. I win.

AHAHAHHAHAHA, er wait, aren't we supposed to be doing something... like sleeping?

There's a reason we're not sleeping actually.

Do tell.

Caffeine?

Yeah, my midnight Taco Bell run is keeping me awake. But other than that.

Who would run all the way to taco bell at midnight?

Kagon.

Yeah well, I was hungry.

If you're so hungry, why don't you get the first Reply?

No, I just ran. SG can get it.

Fine, fine. Our first reply comes from Doma Dragoon.

I'd have to say my favourite minigame in an RPG was where you took part in some traditional RPG battles in-between vicious card duels of Triple Triad. Square obviously took a great deal of care in ensuring that those sections were well crafted and yet not too distracting. As well, the use of those minigames to get you more cards for Triple Triad was genius.

...What do you mean, "that was the actual game"? Are you telling me that TT (and not the plot) was the minigame?! Freaky...

...Wait, so you're saying there was something other than Triple Triad in FF8? Weird.

Wow. That was pretty funny. But uh. You still messed up pretty bad. This one's for you.

Wow, a frick on the very first reply. That's amazing.

You're just way too anxious to use that, tiger.

SG, that was uncalled for. He was making a social commentary on how bad FF8 was in relation to the minigame. So... FRICK FOR YOU!

Haw, you got fricked.

But that's not true! So not only did he frick up! but you fricked up too! DOUBLE FRICK!

Man SG, I'm going to have Slalin eat your face if you don't shut the frick up... er wait, don't even insert a frick there.

FRICK!

This reminds me of that BeetleJuice episode where BeetleJuice got ran over by camels every time he said camelot. :P

You're all going to die! AHHHHHHHH! *runs away screaming*

Uh oh... Kagon ran away. Guess next Reply is for me. It's from... Valkyrie Esker.

Hey, all! The Valkyrie Esker here, and it's time to pay me some attention, dammit!

Mini games. These are the single most important components to a game.

...Well, besides plot. And gameplay. And characters. Erm, ANYWAY...

My favorite mini-games. Well, the top on my list is the Fort Condor thingy from FFVII. It's just so much fun, a little strategy game that really won't affect the plot much (I know there's the whole huge materia thing, but thatain't vital to the story!), so you can just have fun!

Next up, well, I'm not sure if it's a real mini-game, but that play-acting scene at the beginning of FFIX. You know, the mock swordfight with Blank? A great way to test your response skills!

Finally, there's the Sub Battle from FFVII. I don't know what it is, but that thing is really addictive, I just keep going back for more!

Well, this is all the time I have! Got an entire world to enslave, ya know. *rides Skippy the badger-steed off into the wild blue yonder, all the while singing the theme to Cheers*

And our next reply comes from Greg Hicks.

This is my first time sendinf anything to the mailbag, you may have seen me hanging around the rpgclassics chat as Whole_Wheat but otherwise you don't know me.

It's difficult to say what my favourite minigame in an rpg but the game with the best minigames, in my opinion, is Mario RPG. My favorite minigame in that was the mine cart minigame. A rather cliched thing to find in a Nintendo game but, fun none the less. I liked the mode 7 effects and the way it would go from side scrolling to 2nd person.

Another amusing minigame from mrpg is the rapids one which, like the mine cart game, had 2 different views. First you were going down downhill rapids while changing routes hoping to choose the one with the most coins. After that you're riding a barrel down more rapids while jumping to avoid fish and grab coins. The neat thing is the fact the 2nd part is isometric. Something tells me this won't show up in the next mail bag. Meh.

I got good at the racing minigame after YEARS. I remember my friend had to show me how to do it well.

Hmm... Yeah. Mario RPG had so many good minigames that it wins that title by default. Still fun minigames overall though.

Yeah, especially the stuff with Yoshi, even though I never won a single one of thoes minigames arggghhhh. And yeah, you're wrong about this not showing up in the next mailbag =P.

That's cause you suck, Kagon.

Dammit man, what's your malfunction?

Someone installed Linux on me, so it's crashing a lot.

Oh, I'm so sorry 984. I'm so sorry. Install Windows, it'll run better.

Linux has a lot of spyware on it anyways.

Well, since SG's installing Windows over that crappy Linux stuff on 984, I'll get the next reply. It's from that zany YK.

Hello. Yar Kramer here. I haven't mailbagged in a while, but, y'know.

My favorite minigame in an RPG is the bomb-throwing minigame in The Misadventures of Tron Bonne! Why? Because it's my favorite example of how ridiculous some stuff in RPGs can be! I mean, in this minigame, if you hit a certain number of targets within thirty seconds ... your ability to do damage is /increased/!

While it isn't really obvious why -- D'OH! I said the O-word!

Obviously.

Okay, enough of that joke. I'm not gonna use it again.

Anywho, while it isn't really /clear/ why MoTB would be an RPG, it has such RPG elements as exploring, leveling up (sort of), acquiring items, getting cash, and massive property damage (see also Kefka, Lavos).

'Till next time, this is Yar Kramer, getting kicked off the computer by his sister. X_x

It has Kobun. That's good enough for me. Gohan desu yo!

I like Tron Bonne because Toshihiko Horiyama composed it.

Any other reasons, oh shallow one?

tuh! I've never actually PLAYED it. Who cares. Horiyama composed MegamanX4. So who cares how good the gameplay is. The music is definitely good.

Oh, so the game could be crappy, but as long as the music's nice it's all good?

Yes.

Makes sense to me.

...I'm surrounded by fools.

Forget graphic whores. The next wave is that of the music whores!

Yeah really. We're surrounded by a fool, 984!

Let's ostracize him.

Don't ostracize me! I just want to sit with the cool kids at lunch for once!

Sorry, you'll have to isolate yourself for the rest of this mailbag. To the nerdy table, at once!

Noooooooo! I hate you guys!

Man, you'll never be cool. Not with that pocket protector wearing Mudo by your side.

Mudo! You're FIRED!

But...

FIRED! LEAVE!

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAA! BURN IN THE FLAMES!!!!!!

Firefirefirefirefire er... on to the next reply, 984, grab it. I command it!

Fine. It's from GC Crono 4.

I have POWER to COMMAND nyaahahahahahhaha!

*Ostracizes Kagon*

NOTE:This email is from GG Crono 4. This is my second screen name, whitch I don;t use alot. My regular email adress is GGCrono4@aol.com. This statement is NOT part of my response. If you use this, plsease do not post the red letters.)

Oh were we not supposed to include this? Whoops.

My fave minigame? Wow, thats a toughie. Blitzball is lotsa fun once you get the hang of it, and the fact that you can recruit so many different players makes it all the better. FF7 had more minigames then you can stick a shake at, but frankly, I never cared to much for them. I LOVED FF9's Tetra Master card game. A lot of people I know hate it, just beacause they can't figure it out, but took the time to learn all the hooplah, and I am loving Tetra Master. But the BEST Minigame there is is FF8's Triple Triad. The cards are fun to collect, especialy when you get rare items from them, and you can play the game for a long time, waiting to get the one card you want off that guy who INSISTS on playing with Random...(stupid Edea card...) I SO wish you could play it with to people. S much that I made my own Triple Triad cards! I took pics of EVERY card, printed them out, and glued them to thin pieces of cardboard. Me and my friends had lotsa fun with that. :) Another cool minigame that I think I should mention is CT's Tent of Horrors. There's just SOMETHING about trying to win a Poyozo doll, a clone and a cat for your whole party. One more thing I should mention:Lufia 2's Forfiet Island Casino. Good luck winning enough coins to get a Dragon Blade. ^_^

Well, that's all. Peace out.

Blitzball was a complete and utter joke though. I only lost the very first game you played. That was it. It was fun though... and I liked Tetra Master more than Triple Triad.

Blitzball was fun though, Kagon. Didn't you like beating teams 10-0 all thanks to Jecht Shot?

...Yes. It was most amusing.

This letter comes from...! .......! .......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .....!!!

Uh, yeah, SG seems to be having another bout of epilepsy. 984, put up the strobe light.

*Puts out the strobe light AND disco ball*

That's better, just poke him with a stick until he comes to.

*Pokes SG with a stick AND a disco ball*

No no no, the disco ball won't help. It's still flashing.

......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????!?!??!??!?!? DAVID! The next letter comes from DAVID!

The Gnome? YES!

..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love David the Gnome, does he still live in that tree?

Probably.

.........?????

Thanks for posting my letter! Hope I didn't sound too much like a jerk... ah, what the hell. To the topic. BTW, Kagon, since you moderate the PC Board, I think you do not count in the need help category. Its your job to know.

Aye Caramba... I never really thought of mini-games before... hate to do this (somewhat), but I am going to have to publish multiple answers again.

Well... I better continue my shameless promoting of Anachronox, and nominate Pooper, one of the optional parodies of the 80's genre of games. The game plays with your char... some weird head with feet, collecting gems from a creature that... poops them out. To be honest, I admit the controls are hard to use, but the game does have some charm... or maybe it is the thought of collection shiny poop... Er, next game.

Not sure if it is a true mini-game, but I think it is worth the risk of mentioning the Avatar maze from the Baldur's Gate II expansion, Throne of Bhaal. Nice to see a popular series of BG acknowledging its roots with one maze, few choices, and few enemies.

Well, wish I could think of more, but I rarely think of the mini-games... what really bites is knowing I would think of a better letter by the time the mailbag comes out. Oh well, leave and learn. Until next time, gentlemen.

Excellent, I don't need help! See! SEE! I TOLD YOU SO 984!

You still need help, Kagon. Anyway, Pooper sounds fun just because there's no way I could call a minigame named Pooper crappy.

But... but I'm special! I don't need help!

Yeah. SPECIAL ED.! AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA YOU DORK!

Way to go, Nerdlinger.

So mean... so mean ;_;

Not as mean as BahamutXero.

Hey guys,

BahamutXero here. Sorry I missed the last mailbag, I had a crapload of work to do. Anyway, my favorite minigames are cooking ones. It may seem kinda fruity but I think they're just fun. My favorite on was in Suikoden II. I'm mad that they got rid of it in Suikoden III. Star Ocean II's was fun too. I guess after hours of killing enemies the games are a welcome diversion. See ya next mailbag.

P.S.: Oh by the way, the only reason I knew Celes's whole opera song is because I've only saw it like a dozen times. The sad thing is I never finished FFVI yet. I guess I'm letting Kefka laugh it up before I kill him.

No worries about missing the last mailbag. Suikoden II had a bunch of very nice minigames. And BahamutXero wasn't mean 984, so nyah to you!

Damn it all!

I really need to play Suikoden games. I didn't like Star Ocean 2 much though.

Now we all can taunt 984 and ostracize him while I get to go back to the cool kids table! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!

No we can't. Sit down, chump.

B...b..b..b..but...

Hah.

SILENCE!

Know what would redeem you in our eyes? Getting the next Reply.

Really?

No. Not really.

Then why should I even bother!?

But get it anyways cos if you don't, the mailbag won't ever get done, and people will be sad. Cos it'll be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Because if you don't, the slime gets it! *Points to Slalin over a vat of acid*

NOOOOO NOT THE SLIMEEEEE! OH THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL!

Yes. The slime. Get the Reply.

Fine! I'll do whatever you say to save the slime! AHHH! The next reply comes from the Wizard Master who claims he's my favorite newbie.

*Random flashy entrance*

This is the wizardmaster, your favorite newbie. W00t! You used my mailbag idea! That means you must use my reply! On a side note *Hands MM984 1,000,000,000Gil* Now to the reply...

*Pockets the money only to discover it's CANADIAN Gil!* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

There's canadian gil?

Congrats, that's worth a grand total of 5 cents.

My favorite minigame is Blitzball of FFX. It was awesome! It was a lot of fun, and isn't mind bogglingly hard, always a good quality. Blitzball has to be one of the best parts of FFX (not that it was a bad game, I actually thought the game is really good to.)

*intermission, elevator music playing*

Hm. He can't do that can he? It's not even in the script!

Wow. Elevator music. Hey SG, compose some elevator music midis for us.

Yeah, since when do we have an elevator in here?!

Since you built one.

I would have but I don't think this is in the script like I said... *Gets out his script book*

Well, according to the book, there's not one. But you're also supposed to be dead according to the book SG, so I wouldn't trust it.

*Perusing through script* I don't see you looking through yours, punk.

Of course not, you spilled apple juice all over my script last night!

*Stops perusing through script for a moment* ...Oh yeah. Whoops. *Continues*

*Hands Kagon a script from a Mailbag 30 Mailbags ago*

Wait a second, this calls for Ozzie and Lun... wrong script 984.

No time to check the script, guys! The elevator's stopping.

At what floor?

38.

*End intermission, elevator music stops*

Back to the reply... A close second would have to be FF8's card game. It was MIND NUMBINGLY easy (again, a good quality) if you have good cards. (Which I did.) I spent HOURS on the card game. Also, its ten times better than the game itself, which stinks.

Thanks for using my reply. If you don't, watch your back (Joking). Now I will leave you with a few words of wisdom:

If there's a will, there's a way for me to get into it.

You know, where there's a whip, there's a way.

Did you know Wizard Meister, that when you open your mouth, funny sounds come out?

Wow, your logic astounds me SG.

*Stretches* Well, it's getting late, and I have some college entrance essays to write. Wanna wrap this up?

Like 11 30 PM?

By late, you mean early in the morning right?

By contradicting me, you mean you're a nerdlinger, right?

Obviously.

Grah! I'm not a nerdlinger! I'll knock you down!

*Knocks Kagon down* I, Garland, shall knock all nerdlingers down!

That's it Garland, only one of us is going to remain after this! RAAAAAAAR! *charges at Garland and knocks him down*

Wrong move, Mr. Kagon. The slime gets it. *Releases Slalin's rope, dropping him into the vat of acid*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That's what you get when you don't hail to the chimp.

I'll hail no chimp!

*Knocks Kagon down again*

I'll not t- oof~

Now that that's settled, we need a topic. I decree it shall be... Design your own Minigame! The King has spoken. Long live the King!

Boo hiss, boo hiss! Over throw the King! Viva la revolution!

If I may add, your royal highness, with your permission...replies must be tasteful. Untasteful minigames like "Bomb Osama Bin Laden URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" will not be used. So don't waste your time with stupid ones.

Fine. I allow it. Must be tasteful. Mailbag is over!

Well, it was punk-fifteen in the morning And it was time to stand my ground And as the gawks and stares bombarded me You know, I didn't even hear a sound No one gave a damn If I was there or away If I died and went to hell, They'd throw a party on my grave And they'd all say "this kid is just a fool, he'll never be cool They might as well just ship him off to some other school" Plain destitute Just a little too guilty, just a little too soon That day was just like any other day No work, and no pay I knew that paradise was some other place And I'd get there another day I will find it before I expire 'Cuz I've got the desire.