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Brain... hurts... oof *collaspes*

Wow. We haven't even started. How cool is that?

Kag's been drinking too many Powersutholringadings.


That's cool, right?

Sorta. It's pretty nasty stuff.

Paiiiiiin... aieeeeeee... aieeeeeeeeee

Oh. Well, that's *sorta* cool, but it's pretty nasty, dude.

What mailbag is this one again?


Oh, neat. Well, happy 98th mailbag everyone. Wanna grab the first reply, Kagon?

Urk, are you the devil?

No. Merlin is.

Probly. :D

Oh, in the case, fine.

Our first reply is from BahamutXero, yup yup.

Hey guys, BahamutXero here.

Hope this isn't too late. Anyway, do you like the spin off Final Fantasies. I mean FFTA is great but I think CC and X-2 are going a little off track. I'd rather just have FFXII. Then you have the whole pay to play issue with FFXI. Now that Square and Enix are together I wonder if the old FF's will ever be the same. I'm not saying that they couldn't be better, it's just that they are so different from FF's original roots that I begining to wonder if they'll be any good.

What's FFTA? And what does CC have to do with FF?

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance.

Final Fantasy Tactics Adavance. Anyway the FF series seems to have gotten pretty stale in my mind. This is just a ploy to breathe some life back into it.

Uh, yeah, these are spinoffs. They're sequels... But Chrono Cross was an absolutely excellent game. Beautiful plot, lotsa characters, and very interesting. I don't see why so many people hate it.

Hmm, yeah, Final Fantasy sells cos of its name now. But I personally think that not all FF games will be bad. I have a lot of faith for FFTA, since the original FFT was such a great game.

You have faith for it even though you just heard about it?

No, I knew about the game, I just never heard it called FFTA. :P

Uh... CC is the Gamecube FF...

...SILENCE 984!

This, kids, is why you don't try studying Calculus for a midterm and try to do the mailbag.

This makes me glad I decided to be bad at math. :P

This makes me glad that my Calc final isn't until Thursday.

You guys should have stopped at Algebra 2, like me :D

Tuh. I wish I could have, it would have been nice to end there, but yeah, enough math talk. Less math more... up... replies. SG. GO!

Yes, yes, our next one is from... ...... .....................Slavoc.

Well super! Mbag reply #4 from everyone's favorite nobody, Slavoc!!! And another free for all, score.

Well, here's how it goes, I'm getting very annoyed while reading reviews on any site that accepts them from the average gamer-Joe. Why? Because people actually think graphics are the be-all and end-all of the gaming experience. Frickin' frick, what's wrong with you lamers?

Firstm let's look at the word review... "vt, examine, to look back on, reconsider, etc, etc." Reviews are opinion based, which is fine, but people need to do their homework and figure out how to back up and support their opinions, without a spine, an opinion is as useless as the person that came up with it.

Now to the RPG related part...

This is an exerpt from a review of RuneScape, a MMORPG, "This game's graphics are pure crud. I don't see how anybody could like them. The people who made this game really need to learn how to draw. Magic in this game is a little blue speck that shoots out of you and hits the enemy (yes, all spells look the game), and the drawings didn't really take any artistic talent" This person is clearly a dumbass, as a MMORPG, with 1200 people logged on to each (of 13) server at once, and the character date saved on another 3rd person server, graphics are destined to be less than impressive, have you ever heard of lag? that's what happens when said 3rd person server is dealing out 15600 sets of character data to individual home pcs worldwide, at the same time, not cool. If the graphics were anywhere near "modern standards", the frickin' internet would crash (not literally, but y'know).

And how about all those FFVII reviews we all know and love "CLOOD STRIIF ROXXORZ< GRAFFIX ONWZ!!!111 GEST BAME EVOR!!!1111111" Well, aren't we just the model gamer? Toss out your pokemon lunch box, take your hand out of your "butt" and realize that a game is more than pretty graphics and 10 minute long summoning sequences.

RPGs are not supposed to sell because of their nice liquid crystal smoothness and amasing graphics, even though they do (that's one of the reasons i don't touch "new-aged" RPGs with a 10-foot pole), RPGs are about getting into a deep storyline, loving the characters, and getting that sick feeling of accomplishment when you finally get lvl 99. Graphics= icing on the cake, nothing more, nothing less.

Finally, I have to say that all this does not apply to graphics alone, there are far too many people running around out there, giving us bad names as Gamers, capital G. So whenever you write up a review for X game of the future, put some thought into it, make me proud.


Well, bad graphics CAN ruin an otherwise average game, so they are somewhat important. But yeah. Too many graphics whores nowadays.

...No they can't. Dragon Warrior 1 had bad graphics due to our standards, and it didn't ruin anything so psh.

Yeah guys, take your hands out of your "butts" guys.

Bah. Go play SCUD: Disposable Assassin, Kagon.

Er, what I meant was, graphics aren't everything, but they can make a game better or in some cases worse. Sometimes when graphics are boring, it in turn makes the game boring.

Yeah. See? SG agrees with me.

Yeah, makes my point even more valid if SG agrees with you.

... I hate you.

You just hate me because I'm right.

This is only in some cases though. Like if the game is good otherwise, grapics won't make that much of a differece.

Well, this debate is going nowhere. Good thing Greg Hicks can change what we're talking about.

*Thousands of bright lights of a near infinite spectrum of coulour flash and loud explosions are heard*

*Whole Wheat walks in from the other side of the room*

That's some messed up wiring you've got there.

Anywho, this is my second time trying to send a reply to the mailbag. I want to display my great displeasure at the lack of rpgs on Nintendo systems. Gone are the golden days of the snes rpgs. Besides pokemon and Golden Sun, Ninty just hasn't been making any good rpgs since then. A non-action rpg on the 64 could have been awesome! I suppose Sqauresoft and Nintendo getting angry at each other decreased the production of rpgs for ninendo considerably. I know it sounds kinda dumb/corny/fanboyish , but a Nintendo crossover rpg would have been the greatest. It could have seperate scenarios with each character (Mario, Kirby, Link etc.) that sort of lead together like that part in FFVI where you could choose from 3 different scenarios after the party got split up. I REALLY would like to see Kirby in an rpg.

Before I go, one question: Would E.V.O: Search for Eden be classified as an rpg?

Thank you for your time.

Well, there have been great RPGs on the Nintendo 64. Like Paper Mario, and Ogre Battle 64. Not to mention I liked Quest 64.

And Harvest Moon 64.

Also, RPGClassics considers E.V.O an RPG, cos we have a shrine for it.

Quest 64 makes Slalin cry.


Slalin or the baby Slalin?

Poor Slalin. Quest 64 was neato.

By neato do you mean it's just as great as 1000 burning daggers going into my eyes?

I think 1000 burning daggers going into Kagon's eyes is neato.

Assuming you enjoy 1000 daggers going into your eyes, then yes.

... I hate you too 984.

You know what I hate? Is when people don't grab the next reply.

Slalin's crying. He could do it.

Slalin would probably eat your face before grabbing the next reply, go get it 984.

Fine. It's from ClothHat. I think he likes Caik.

Blah blah blah, introductory blurb, it's me ClothHat, blah blah, random insanty, unhumorous segue into the topic.

Wow, that's beautiful. I'd sacrifice SG to you in praise if I had an altar.

Ok the topic is free for all right? Does that mean it doesn't have to be about games? Well in that case I would like to talk about pies. I believe in the past several years pies have taken a backseat as a contender in the after dinner pastry wars, pushed into the background by their dark cousin brownies, and their arch-rival cake. Why aren't we seeing more pies they keep just as long as cakes and brownies and are usually slower to go dry and stale. Cakes may have several variations in flavors but they all taste pretty much the same don't they (Dubol Fujj being a notable exception). Brownies are always the same since nobody is open minded enough to put nuts or other goodies inside them. Pies on the other hand can be filled with a variety of different fruit fillings. Pies can even be filled with meat! Don't get me started on the lack of good meat pies, you don't wanta get me started on that, I haven't had a good shepards pie in years. Now cakes have always had a firm foothold in the realm of birthdays, there is no hope of dislodging their position there, they are the undisputed kings of birthdays. But recent times has seen a cake enroachment into other holiday territories. The proposed solution? We (The Pie People) enlist the support of the heretofore nuetral ice cream. Ice cream has traditionally been served with all deserts, but if the Pie Patrol can win the support of the ice cream corps then cake and brownies won't stand a chance. Their dry flakeyness will crumble before the might of moist pie backed up by Suicide Scoops of Strawberry ice cream. The war is not yet over, fight with me people! Fight for pie!


P.S. I wrote you a P.P.S.

P.P.S. Don't listen to the P.S. it's a dirty liar!

I dunno... It's tough to be the pie. It's good and all... But brownies do have the advantage of being able to be made "special."

There are no rainbow sherbert pies, sucker.

There will be, ohhhhh there will be once I finish with my plans... yes... excellent.

As for the P.S., well, he seemed to be telling the truth.

Are you talking?

Yes SG, we're talking.

No. We're typing.

Oh, my bad. :P Hey, I'll get the next reply, since I'm in such a good mood.

It comes from the Wizardmeister.

*intermission* *Elevator music plays*

I swear I'm going to kill that intermission...

OHHHHH NO YOU DON'T! You can't BEGIN in an intermission! It doesn't work that way! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *runs around in circles*

Hm. Elevators.

You're just jealous you didn't think of it.

*Sits around and ponders for hours about Elevator music, thus stretching out the intermission

And that is precisely the reason why intermissions are off limits to all Repliers.



That's IT! I quit! *walks off stage*

Sweet christ. You're lucky my fist is off limits to your FACE.

*intermission* *Elevator music ends*

Now for everyone's favorite mailbag replier person, The Wizardmaster! I am skipping the random flashy entrance, as it is not funny anymore. Oh, and MM984, sorry about the Canadian gil. My free for all rant is about my opinion on FF8! Hip Hip Hooray!

First off, what I like about FF8, in order:

1) Triple Triad. (See Mailbag 96)

2) Gunblade. The Gunblade is the coolest RPG weapon ever! A sword AND a gun? Pure genius! If only you could actually fire it ... oh well...

3) Opening Movie sceen. r0x0rs! Period.

4) Quistis. She is cool and awesome! The CC King?!? SCORE!!!!!!!!!

5) Graphics. Obviously.

6) SeeD. The idea was very good in the beginning, just the rest of the plot messed it up.

Now, what I Don't like:

1) Plot. Everything before Rinoa is good. Then it goes all downhill.

2) Gameplay. GF's are stupid. I like how FFX did the aeons. Maybe they could make aeon's fight like in FFX and you can learn spells from them like in FF6. Also, The fact you could leave your HP in yellow and just limit over and over was stupid (but it made the game easier ^_~)

3) Ultimetia. She came out of no where. Bosses need to have Semi-active rolls in the plot before the last 10 minutes! (The possessing with Edea and Rinoa doesn't count.)

So, for an over-view: Triple Triad good, plot bad. Gunblade good, gameplay bad. Graphics, SeeD, and Quistis good, Ultimecia bad.

Now, back thanks to popular opinion, The Wizardmaster's wordz of wizdom:

You have the right to remain silient. Anything you say will be miss-quoted, and then used against you.

Goodbye my hopefully loyal subjects! Even though you were spared a flashy entrance, you will not be spared a flashy exit.

*Random flashy exit*

Ok whoa. First of all, you can fire the gunblade. Hmm, I like SeeD only cos Squall made that really funny thing up during the interogation. Ultimecia should count cos of the whole loophole thing. You're now choosing to dislike her because you're refusing that part of the game. The game really wasn't bad at all. And for the record, Quistis was like the worst character. :P

That's the most intelligent thing you've ever said.

I don't get it.

And back to regular SG we go.


Wow SG. Your comments amaze me. They're so, so, BRILLIANT! I wish I could be smart like you.



*walks back in* What the HELL do you think you're doing?!


That wasn't me! ARGH! I quit remember!?

You can quit ONLY if you get the next Reply.

B-b-b-but I already quit!

Poor Kagon. Always getting picked on by us cool kids.

I'm a cool kid! I AM a cool kid!

Are you really?

Yes really!

Nah. You'll never be cool until you get the next reply.



Yes. *Crosses his fingers behind his back*

Ok! Our next reply comes from the lovely Helen.

*mutters something about school schedules and not knowing enough about minigames to write in for the past two mailbags* *suddenly notices that she is now the current focus for the mailbag* Uh...... hello and happy holidays! Well wishes and all!

Now then, what's the topic today....? What's this? A free-for-all? Well, time to start a-rambling. *stands on soapbox*

Is it just me, or do lots of heroes of RPGs have angst up the wazoo? Whatever happened to the heroes who were hotheads, lighthearted fools or even personality-less? I mean, it's not that I have anything against angst, but no doubt hearing some guy complain about how much his life sucks for the millionth time can be quite tiresome, no?

That's why I like Vyse from Skies of Arcadia. He's a pretty upbeat character.

I liked Zidane- he was a nice touch after the "I hate the world and all you except for the cute girl who I only kinda hate" guys from FF7&8

Hmm, now that you mention it, I can't think of any chaarcters that fit into a different category though. But I liked Ramza from FFT, he wasn't particularly like any of them...not for the majority of the game anyways.

Delita didn't make it any better though, lordo :O

Well, enough angst. Helen still has some Reply left.

*crickets chirp*

Wow. where'd those crickets come from?

Subject two. Why is it that Final Fantasy (insert number here) is considered the "be all, end all" of RPGs when there are no doubt a good amount of other contenders that lots of these people won't bother to play because they don't have the Final Fantasy name on them? Maybe I'm just being reaaaaaaaaaaaally critical and quite (blank), but isn't that a little bit, well, weird?

*gets shot*

Uhh, yes.... subject three. Why hasn't a single Fire Emblem been released to the English-speaking masses or been cancelled for release? The series rules - it should have more recognition in the English-speaking fandom than it does, really.

Uh, I'll shut up now, so PLEAAAAAAASE put down the chainsaw....


*scenes of little kittens frolicing replace the extremely gory bloodfest that would otherwise be here*

- Helen (This is why you never let me find out about a Free-For-All, really.)

I think kittens are scarier than a bloodfest. They seem so, so EV0L.

Hmm. I never notice most people acting that way about Final Fantasy games. And if they do, it's usually cos they just haven't been exposed to others. Also, I think Fire Emblem should be brought to an english speaking crowd too, cos if they don't, it'll be a long time before I get off my ass and play them :P

Well, they are being translated... They'll get here eventually, I hope.

Hmm. You know what sounds good right now? Mailbag replies! Like this one from Doc Shinryuu. *Suddenly, the door bursts open and Doc Shinryuu walks in [AND BOOS CAN BE HEARD FROM THE CROWD]. He stands there for a moment, as if waiting for something to happen. Eventually, Doc shrugs and walks toward center stage [WHILST ALL THE BOOING STILL GOING ON].* Hey all. Doc Shinryuu here. *Doc shields his face and body [FROM ROTTEN TOMATOES]* *Fanfare* ...Wow, looks like Al got it right this time.

*Doc opens his mouth, as if he were going to say something witty. He pauses, a confused look on his face. He takes a card out of his pocket and stares at what is written on it for a minute. He then begins massaging his temples.* You've gotta be kidding me. You guys are doing another free-for-all? Last time, SG got apple-pied, Kagon coughed up a lung AND was hit by 2.5 Canadian Cents, 984 managed to fit in a compliment and ALL OF YOU tore apart my FF Linkage theory. Anyway, On to my reply. I suppose that I'll be ranting about... Psychotic RPG Stuff. First things first, hero ethics. With many situations, the heroes are talking face to face to a main enemy, and none of them just try to kill the guy! It just seems logical to me. Second, spell repeating. In many series, especially the Final Fantasy series, Spells never change. It's always the same spells over and over. Lastly, and while we're on the subject of Final Fantasy, Sequels. The first game is(usually) good. The second is better. By the fifth, though, it gets old. Thankfully, Final Fantasy has had a huge amount of GOOD sequels by having no two storylines linked(supposedly). Speaking of FF Sequels, have you guys heard the news? Square's making a sequel that maintains the same characters of a previous game. The game? FFX-2(Pronounced "ten-two"). No story details yet, but Technology has advanced, and Yuna uses two guns as weapons. That's it for now. See ya next time.


This Reply stands well on its own. GG Crono 4, you're up.

*insert oeverly-flashy entrace of choice here* Yo! GG Crono 4 is back and better than...well, he's back.

This is my fisrt free-for-all rant, and i'm not much of a "ranter", so it took me awhile to think up something to rant about. So I started of thinking of some things in RPGs that bothered me. Then it hit me.

My rant will be about Final Fantasy's wussy last bosses. Well, here We go. *ahem*

One of the things I look for in a good RPG is challenge. Not to toot my own horn, but Beep Beep. I'm an RPG veteran, and i'm pretty freakin' good at what I do. RPGs are my fave kind of game, and I play a lot of them, and I am always on the lookout for more.

The Final Fantasy series are some of my favorate RPGs all in all, but one thing dissapoints me in most of them. The final battles. Some of them are a good challenge, yet are not to frustrating. Let's take a look...(WARNING:Some spoilers ahead)

In FF1, Chaos provided a perfect challenge. He didn;t have that much HP, but if you took too long, he would heal himself completely, so there's your motivation. I never really played 2 or 3 that much, so I can;t say. I heard FF3's was a joke, though. FF4's Zeromus (Easytype version. I havn;t gotten that far in Hardtype.) was also a fair challenge, but not as much as Chaos. Then with FF5, things started to go downhill. Exdeath had a few nasty attacks, but if you prepared your characters he was a joke. Bahamut, Bahamut, $toss, $toss, and he didn;t take long. Now with FF6, the climb was a bit tricky, but Kefka himself was pathetic. I just threw a few Ultimas in his face and boom. FF7 was a little better, but still pretty easy. FF8 was better than FF7, definately. I think FF8 was a very good dificulty level. Now FF9, the final boss difficulty hit rock bottom and was digging fast. Necron was so pathetic it wasn;t even funny. Now FF10....*facepalm* I killed Braska's Final Aeon in 2 attacks, and you can't even die in the fight against Yu Yevon. BAH! Now, not to say FF games arn;t without challenge. Most of them had the optional bosses like Shinryu and Ozma, but that's beside the point. Those bosses are beyond challenging. They cross the line into frustrating. >_< If the bosses arn;t frustrating enough, then the sidequests make them that. To get to Ozma, you needed to play FF9's tedious Chocobo game.FF10's Monster Arena provided a nice challenge, but some of those bosses are freakin' impossible to get and twice as hard to fight. (Curse, you, Nemesis!!!) Like mentioned earlier, i like a good challenge. I would like to play through a nice quest and be rewarded at the end with a good fight. I don;t want to have to jump through freakin' hoops to get my challenge. I think the perfect last boss would have no attacks capable of wiping out a full-HP party in 1 turn, a few really nasty attacks, a monkeybuttload of HP and maybe a Down to 1 HP attack. FF isn;t the only game that suffers from Wussy Last Boss Syndrome. Lufia 2's Sinistrals barely put up a fight, but you get a hard boss from the super-hard Ancient Cave and Dragon Egg sidequests. You don't even FIGHT EarthBound and EarthBound Zero's final bosses. Chrono Trigger's Lavos was a LITTLE tricky at first, but after a few times you can beat him with just Crono and Marle without even trying. Chrono Cross have a nice final, but to REALLY beat it, you don;t fight. You have to use that pain-in-teh-ass Chrono Cross after using elements in the right order. Too much frustrating work, if you ask me. Breath of Fire was a stupidly easy. Just morph into your highest form and the chalenge goes out the window. I pray to whatever deity that may be out there that FF11 and FF10-2 give me what I want. (Oh, and BTW, FF10's Omega was a joke too.)

*whew* Thank you for listening to my rant. I've been anting to say this to someone that would listen for awhile. ^_^ Anywho, keep up the good work, Mailbag team! 'Til next time, I'm GG Crono 4 and I love pizza! Bai Bai!

*runs out*

Beep beep Mr. GG Crono. Beep beep. Anyway, I'm out. SG and Kag can finish this on their own. I have some prior engagements to go to.

Ok. Neat. I didn't read that to avoid spoilers. But I can assume it's neat. :D

Bye 984.

Yes... now that 984 is gone my plans will work excellently... NYAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

That's cool, right?

...You're still here though...

:D Hiiiiiiiiiiiii.

*Winks at Kagon*

*backs away* Grab the next reply and leave me to my evil machinations.

Ok! ^_^ This next one comes from Nojack45.

A free for all. Sounds rather....Laid back eh 984? Oh well. To tell ya the truth, I have no idea what I am ging to ask. Or for that matter, do!

*Wacks Kagon*


No, Jack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

DAH!? What did I ever do to you?

Maybe it was cos of that one time when you stole his lawnmower.

Tuh! I BORROWED it, I didn't STEAL it!

You never gave it back, though...

That's because you broke it, you fool.

...I uh, What I meant was, How about the rest of that reply?

Oh... Back to the topic.

My question pertains to the square root of 4, divided by Final Fantasy 8, rounded off by Mudo's enormous size, and Kagons ugly hair. What do you get?

I am NOT enormous!

SILENCE! No one cares about you! My hair is great, what on EARTH are you talking about?!

...Well, it doesn't get you a frick sign, but it does get you one, if you understand what I mean.

*Plays Bomb Kagon Whooo!*


Aieee I've been BOMBED!

Block it!




Thus ends another mailbag, no thanks to SG or 984.

Hmm, well that wraps up another edition of "All my mailbags." Next week: "What weapons would you like to see in RPGs more often?" Send your replys (Reply with BOLAS) to the normal place.


Oh my. :O O: Well, I'm outtie, before Kagon starts a mad rampage.

Oohohohoho, the last rampage never ENDED SG.

Well uh. uh... uh... hey Kagon! Speaking of rampages, I was just checkin' the specks for the inline, on the uh, rotary gurter, and uh *KICKS KAGON IN THE FACE AND RUNS*

Hah! He doesn't believe me... the last time I went on a rampage, I destroyed him and his little car too. And that is precisely the reason why that car is off limits to all passengers. NO! I HAVE SAID IT TOO NOW! *dies*