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Welcome to another mailbag guys, this time, it's about what weapon you want to see more of in RPGs. And yes, for every BOLA SG dies.

Don't worry guys, I'll just block! I'll be ok! I'LL be ok.

Man, know what I want right now, Kagon?

What 984?

A bola soup. *Rimshot*

Well, that's one. *Shoots SG with his plasma rifle*

*blocks* I'm ok!

...That's so cheap.

If I can block a plasma rifle and live, I'd say it's the plasma rifle that's cheap. :P

SILENCE! Just grab the first reply.

Ok! Our first one comes from Jiharn!

Ok, let's see, uh...
Sorry I haven't written in more often, and uh...sorry I'm writing this one a bit late. Time just flies by, ya know? ^_^;

But anyways, a weapon that I'd like to see more often...hmmm.

Well, I'd have to go with really friendly programmers. You see, if you have those, then things become MUCH easier. Enemies have fewer hit points, you get more money, etc. There's no telling what the possibilities are!

Wait, you prefer something in the game itself? Whoops. How about bolos then? You like bolos?

No? How can you not like bolos! *hands bolos to Kagon*

What's a bolo? Is it like a bola?

Yes. Except no.

Cool! Lemme see! *Takes it from Kagons hand and hits him in the head* Does that hurt?

Yeah, it hurt a lot. Bastard.

Lemme try! *Takes the bolo from SG then hits Kagon in the head*

Ok! Bolos are cool!

Oof! Let's play a game called Don't Hit Kagon!

That game's no fun.

*Takes the bolo from 984 and hits Kagon* I lost.


Awww you'll be fine. Just take some Robutussin!

Aww, fine. Lemme think of something about hugs?! Wait, you can't buy hugs or equip those...that'd be like a special skill or something.

Ok, I just give up. Just throw in more nunchukas, that'll do. Here, let me show you! *revs up his skillz with nunchukas, but runs out of time!*

Jiharn, you have no skillz. None at all. Nor are they mad. So don't even try it- you might hurt yourself.

Hmm...There were Nunchakus in FF1! But...they were useless.

Man. Jiharn's like that kid in some ninja movie that trains really hard at becoming good with nunchukas only to fail.

Yeah, he's not FOCUSING enough on the BIG POWER.

So anyways! How about that next reply?

Yeah, how about it 984?

Next one up is from BahamutXero. He writes about Quest 64 though, so we should shun him faster than that nerdlinger Mudo at a football game.

I'm not a nerd!

I'm not even gonna touch base on this one. Poor Mudo.

Hey guys, BahamutXero here.

I've always liked magic over brute strength so I think there should be some games using wizards with magic spells, staves, rods, whatever. I cringe to say this but, like Quest 64, but with more characters and way better graphics. I think the spell selection thing with the C-buttons (I think that's what they were called, it' the yellow ones) with pretty cool. That's a little off topic but whatver. I think there should be a game with nothing but magic as attacks. I think it would be kinda cool. Anyway, I'll be back for the next batch of mailbags. I havn't been here long enough to have a favorite Mailbag moment. Have a good holiday guys, the snow is coming to Buffalo here so it'll be another very white Christmas.

Hmm, there was Lunar: Strolling School/Magic Academy Lunar!, which was magic based. Of course us americans never saw that one, so :P

SG, your biased thoughts on Quest 64?

Quest 64 is DA BOMZ

SG, coming from you, that doesn't mean much.

Yeah. It did bomb.

But! But but but but bombs are cool! We should see more bombs in RPGs!

True. More bombs would be cool.

Yes indeed. I'm sure Lunaris... er... sorry, the Holy Vault Dweller would agree.

*Somewhere, in the larges radioactives wastes of South California...A man is walking. Quietly. Or at least, the most quiet you can be when you are wearing Powered Armor. On ahead, there is a few, really menacing looking lizards. Then, the man stop and turns troward the camera, and says in a quiet voice*

"Shssssssh! I'm huting wittwe deatwawes!"

*then, the Armored one whip out a /LARGE/ Minicannon and open fire. I'll spare you the details, but I'll just say that the lizzies get swiss cheesed. So, after this, he put back his weapon and turn troward the camera once more, lifting his helmet on the way. Oh my gosh! Its...*

"...THE HOLY VAULT DWELLER IS BACK, KIDDIES! After a long, long silence while traveling the Wastes, I have return to answer yet anoter mailbag! ...Uh..."

*He glances around.*

"Something changed, eh? No more Cid? No more Lunaris?...And instead, some trio? Bah...whatever...All the same, huh? So what's the question? What weapon I would like to see in RPGs more often? Well...alright."

*He straighten himself and declares*"A /SWORD/, of course! Do you know how /RARE/ thoses bloody things are in the Wastes? Heck, the best we've got is a bloody /RIPPLER/! Where are my laser rapiers, damnit?...What? WHAT?...Oh! In RPGS, as OVERALL RPGS? Clearer now! Articulate your topics, kiddos!"

"Well, I would like to, of course, see more gunners. Now now, you will tell me there is a lot already...But WHY must be /THIS/ weak? Why must be a regular law that Guns are merly deadly in cutscenes? WHY!? Except in a few games, like Fallout(That's mine!), where guns are extremly deadly, the firearms are genearly...worthless. For some reason. A spikey-haired mute teenager moron can do more damage than a Avenger Minicannon! GO FIGURE THAT OUT!"

"Also, anoter good weapon I would like to see is, of course...staves. Yes, we see them a lot, and thoses weakling of mages wield staves or thiere weaker cousins, wands. But a staff can be quite a deadly weapon in good hands, as martial artists demonstrated. I would sure like to see more of thoses things."

"And, for last...SPEARS! Only because that I like Spears. I dont like when Tribals throw them at me, but most of the time they just get stuck in my Powered Armor anyway. Then, I pull 'em out and, while they open thiere eyes with FEAR and call me in thiere own language a 'Metal Demon', I throw back at THEM! BWHAHAHAH--..Erm. AHEM."

"In anycases...I, well, have to go! More Deathclaws to hunt, y'know and all...saving the wastes, crap like that. Oh well! Later, 21th century kids!"

*And with that, he pull back his visor on and heads off!*

*Then, a '60-style cheesy publicity music start playing, with a message showing up on the screen, saying: "This is the Holy Vault Dweller, Singing off! Remmber kids: Inspire fear into Tribals at your own risk! They might cast vile voodoo spells on you!" Then. "This Mailbag response was comendited by Rotgut: When you need something to hit the spot, take Rotgut!"*

Wow. So, uh, yeah. Deadlier guns would be good. That's why Gilder's the man. That and he has a parrot.

You know, this guy is right. Guns aren't very strong in most games. But uh, when in RPGs, talk of legendary guns and stuff just isn't that cool :P Except for in FFTactics! Those guns ruled.

Yeah, but we all know in FF7 the Shrina soldiers might have well been throwing sticks and stones at you. Purely worthless guns.

Indeed. This is a good point made by this vault-dweller guy. He lives in SoCal too! I live there :D

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words would make quite the interesting weapon.

I think RPGs would make an interesting weapon in RPGs :P

...That's the worst idea ever SG.

I throw FF4 at you in the next SaGa?

No!! no no no, an RPG is a Rocket-Propelled Grenade. It's a military weapon.

Whatever. I just want my tanks.

Oh shut up and get the next reply SG.

SG's broken. You have to get it, Kagon.

...Finally, my plan comes into play. The next reply is from BryanRPGer2.

Hola mis amigos, que te pasa!!??

Estoy planando a matador SG.

Nada. Yo descubrí que Brazil es más grande que equador.

Gibberish. Pure gibberish.

It is I, BryanRPGer2, and i am not one for flashy entrances. So anyway.....what weapon would I like to see more in RPGs?? Well, it's nice of you to ask. Three weapons are needed to be seen! First, bolas!! An antique ninja weapon, it's silky smoooth and makes a nice howling noise when thrown. Not to mention it trips people with grace :D. Second, A GIANT CHAINSAW!! Yes, yes, it sounds absurd, but think of the damage you could do! A chainsaw would cut through anything faster than a sword ever could! Bye bye final boss! Last but not least, swallows! No, not the bird, the ultra-fab double-spear thing in CC! That thing r0x0rs!! Smooth and graceful, my friends, smooth and graceful!


P.S. I'm going to do something very fun in the P.P.S.

P.P.S. *Kicks Kagon in the face* BWAHAHAHAHA!!

OHHHHH no you don't. No one kicks Kagon in the face!

He mentioned bolas, Kag.

He thinks it's a completely different weapon though!

Yes he does. Die SG. *Stabs SG in the face*

Now I'm a ninja, and I like Bolas, but they ain't no ancient ninja weapons! *Blocks*

Arr. Damn you and your blocking.

And giant chainsaw, Hell yeah! Go Army of Darkness RPGs!

*pulls out a boomstick and fires it into the air*

Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.

SG can get the next reply now that he's fixed.

SG's fixed? Wow. Sorry to hear that, SG.

I'm not sorry to hear that at all.

You don't want any little SGs running around?

I do! That's why I'm gonna get broken! I mean...I'm getting the next reply, it's from the Wizardmeister.

*Elevator music plays*

This is everyones favorite mailbag personality, The Wizardmaster! Oh, I'm sorry 984, I didn't know you don't like my intermissions. Well, I have one thing to say: TOO BAD! Mwaaaaaaaaa ha haaaaa!!!

*Intermission begin*

Oh that's it. That damn intermission machine gets broken NOW! *Breaks some random machine*

Woooooooo intermission! *takes a nap*

*Intermission end*

Mad? TOO BAD!!! (That rhymes. I rock. :-)

*Intermission begin*

*Intermission end*

Mwaaaaaaaaa ha haaaaaaaaa!! I am also The Intermission Master!!!!

*Intermission begin*

*Intermission end*

Ok... I'm done... NOT!!!

*Intermission Begin*

*Intermission End*

You're gonna die, clown.


*Smacks SG* Wake up.

*swings his arm in his sleep and blocks the smack. then wakes up cos his arm hurts* the intermission over?


Yes. Finally... I didn't even have to do anything.

Ok, seriously, now that that is out of my system, the actual reply. What weapon(s) would I like to see more of in the future? GUNBLADES, Duh!!! (P.S. S.C., when can you fire the Gunblade, or are you talking about triggers?) (P.P.S. Quistis is AWESOME!)

The Gunblade would be a very cool weapon to have. Of course, you shouldn't modify it (unless like in FF9) but buy different kinds (like in almost every other game). It slices, it dices, AND you can shoot people with it! The only problem with the Gunblade is the person who weilds it. (Squall, not Siefer)

Now, for The Wizardmaster's Wordz of Wizdom:

Life is not short. It is the longest thing a human can do.

Goodbye My loyal (And not so loyal) fans!

*Intermission begin*

*The Wizardmaster's Mailbag reply end*

We don't need no stinkin' Gunblades.

NO! You cannot *end* on an intermission! It cancels out.

Yeah. You messed up.

I mean, frick, that's like a Bola-axe! Can you imagine swinging around like three axes attached to strings? Sweet god.

You'd end up in little pieces. And SG, you did mention bolas again. You know what that means right?

Hmm, does it mean that I like CAIK?


No! It means you're supposed to die. Dying is like caik. So will you die for me?

Hmm, it's like caik? I like caik!

Yes. So die, and you'll get caik.

Ok! :D

This is stale caik though! Stale non DUB0L FUJJ CHOCKLIT CAIK!

stale? Is that like ice cream?



No! Stale as in no longer good!

So go die SG.

Ice cream that isn't good anymore?

No, 984's lying to you.

Fine. Believe Kagon. It's your funeral, literally.

Ok. I'll give it a try. *Dies* ...This isn't like caik at ALL! *Takes some Claritin and gets better* You liar!

...My plan succeeded for a while... Ahhh, why me?

Hmm. I think someone needs to get the NEXTer reply. How about 984? he always evades getting it somehow.

Yeah, he's been weasling his way out of everything.

*Weasels his way out of this again*

No you don't! Grab the reply!

*Grabs the Slavoc Reply*

I like spears... AUGH!!!(is run over my thousands of fighter fanboys) No, i meant to say spears you idiots!

Err, exactly, this is Slavoc with his 5th and most recent mailbag reply! (Well thanks capitain obvious, I'll log that one in the blatantly useless file)...?


Sure... Well spears, which are my personal favorite weapon are far too underappreciated in games I find. Think about it, skewering your sword-weilding opponent in the throat before they think they've engaged you in close-combat. Fun.

Sure they're used, sometimes, but the generic-sword-good-guy thing gets a little irritating, some other fun weapons are super-assassin--type-things, like wrist blades. 8D


Like Katars? RPGs need more Katars if you ask me...

No, Kagon. RPGs do NOT need more Qatars. I HATE that country.

Katar, not Qatar you fool.

Oh. Okay.

Wrist blades? Aren't those what Kiros used in FF8?

Yes SG.

Hmm, so I see. Those were nifty. Though when I hear wrist blades, I think small, like swiss army knives. Hey! That would be a COOL RPG weapon! Think of all the weapon skills that guy could have!

Swiss Army Swords... I attack the slime with my corkscrew!

Yes, he could effectively wield a Nail File SG. Joy.

You could open the last boss's can and win! It would be great!

Yeah. It would be.

Yep. Yep. *awkward silence*

Hi mailbaggers, 40 hours! I'm going to tell you what weapon I want to see more in RPG's and there's nothing you can do about it mwahahaha. Anyway there are a few diffrent types of weapons I want to see more of; first, some sort of raygun that afflicts your enemies with crippling psychological problems. You shoot it at enemies and they're filled with self doubt or depression and just basically feel too bummed out to attack you. Second is knife and fork weapons. Now I now we already have knives, and that's good that's progress, but we need forks to, and outside of Quina because she was annoying. Let's say I were fighting a random enemy. For arguments sake we'll give him a totally random name, say, ohhhhhh, maybe, Kagon. Now if I wanted eat Kagon I would be in a pinch. Sure I could stab him a few times, but I couldnt really serve him with fava beans could I? That's why we need dinnerware weapons, and maybe some cooking magiv spells so you can eat your foes. Yum!


Would...would the weapons make them feel...LUGUBRIOUS?


Yeah. You know. Lugubrious?

YOU CANNOT EAT ME! That's IT! I REFUSE to be eaten! ...And fava beans wouldn't go with me either.

That would make Kagon feel....LUGUBRIOUS!

No, it wouldn't make me feel lugubrious.

Would getting a Reply make you feel lugubrious?

Yes, I'd feel all lugubrious and warm and tingly.

It would make me Lugubrious ;_;

Then go get it and feel lugubrious SG.

Ok...This one comes from Doc Shinryuu... :(

*You hear the door open as Doc Shinryuu walks in, carrying a large sack over his shoulder. Doc walks toward center stage and puts the sack down, looking rather merry.* Ho ho ho, viewers! Merry soon-to-be Christmas! Before I begin my reply, I come bearing gifts! *"Jingle Bells" begins playing* For Megaman 984, the book 984 Ways To Annoy Your Co-Hosts. For Kagon, a super-advance copy of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Special Edition on DVD. And for SG... *Takes a rather large fish out of the sack* A beating with a Halibut! *Hits SG repeatedly with the Halibut* How DARE you mock up my last reply! You shall pay with either your life or your lifetime supply of CAIK! *Finishes beating SG to a pulp. Doc throws the fish, which, ironically, lands on Energon.*

*blocks* Sorry man, it was too funny. I won't mess with ya this time though. :D Merry Christmas.


Anyway, on to my reply.

Hmm... Weapons, weapons... I'd like to see more of a few weapons, actually:

1) Guns: Long range weaponry at it's finest. Give me an RPG with guns, and you've got yourself one happy Demi-Human.

2) Hammers: C'mon. Who WOULDN'T want to beat their enemies into the ground like nails?

3) Yoyos: ...Well, ok... So maybe I DID like Earthbound a bit... But only because of the wacky weaponry.

4) Shurikens/Kunais: I haven't seen ONE RPG that has a character use these(other than FFT). Bring on the ninjas!

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully, SG'll recover in time for the next Mailbag. He's most of the Comic Relief. Now, I'm off to reply to the next Mailbag. See ya. *Doc walks out to a waiting sleigh and hops in saying "Let's go, Mr. Klaus!"*





*"Jingle Bells" finally stops playing*

Shadow threw Shurikens. :P

Yes. As we've already said, guns would rock more than Buddy Holly being brought back from the dead at the next Ozzfest.

That's absolutely horrible 984.

Yeah. Buddy Holly was horrible.

And yeah, Buddy Holly at ozzfest would be...retarded :P

Yeah... Well, our next reply comes from VE, who is apparently my cousin.

Hah. I laugh at you.

Yarr, nice to see you guys again. Especially you, Cousin Kagon.

Weapons, Eh? Now we're in a favorite territory of mine! Okay, I'm sure you'll see this one at least a few times, but PORNO MAGS! I mean, whacking a demon with some Pron? It's the ultimate force!

If you want conventional weapons, though(spoilsports), I rarely see clubs/cudgels in many games. I mean, some games will use rods and staves like clubs, but they always suck!

Oh, and for cases which involve unruly mobs, Shovels and Hoes are always fun to use as makeshift weapons.

Well, I'm done! Until the next time I decide to be seen in public! C'mon, Skippy! *rides my badger steed off into the sunset*

You said bolas in your topic for the mail. That counts. *Hits a switch dropping SG into a pool of acid.*


Too bad it was non lethal citric acid, Kagon.


Erm. Well, you see... Uh... I blame Energon.

Why blame me? I want SG dead too!

*Arises from the pool, still blocking* I like orange soda!

...We should all work together then and get rid of him.

But yeah, porno mags good.

Yup yup. SG get the next reply.

Why me?


Ok! :D The next reply is from Wilfredo Martinez.

Hi gang,

This is my first contribution to the Mailbag. I would've done something before but I kept having problems with BOTH Outlook Express and with Netscape Mail... apparently both use my local ISP mail service, which for some reason stopped working for me a while ago.

Have I mentioned that my ISP SUCKS? I have? OK, let's move on.

I ended up setting up Yahoo Mail as my Email default... let's SEE if this works...

Another reason that has kept me from participating in your... ah... WONDERFUL... Mail Section is that, to be honest, I hardly ever checked the Main Page... as a result I missed in on the Wild Arms contest- by the time I found out, I had ALREADY bought the game. So, from now, I'll ALWAYS log in thru the main page, so as not to miss anything.

To get to this week's topic: RPG Weapons. Which ones I would like to see more often? Well, to be honest, I don't care much about weapons, I prefer spells... the only weapons that stick to my memory after playing a game are the WEIRD ones. You know, things like Yuffie's Shriken-shaped Swords, or Cait Sith's Megaphones. Yeah, they were absurd, but they were DIFFERENT from the same old swords, clubs or axes. In particular, I like it when the Main Hero has something OTHER than a sword, like the bizarre version of the Masamune in Chrono Cross.

In addition, I like weapons with their own magical powers- so much so, I NEVER sell them, I keep them and sell off the non-magical ones. You could say I collect them- I like to finish a game with at least one of every available magical weapon, even if have to do subquests to find them, or fight a lot of randoms fights to get the money. (One thing I liked about Golden Sun was that, if you DID sell a magic item at a store, you could always buy it back!!!)

And that's my 2 cents. Now to see if your responses are intelligent, or at least FUNNY.

...Not holding my breath. 8P

Megaphones were cool...but the thing is that he didn't really attack with them, per se. It was weird. But I guess that was your point anyways :P

Well, in Chrono Cross, Surge used Swallows- interesting weapons. They were also used in FF9 by Zidane. And yeah, Golden Sun's idea of letting you buy back certain magical weapons was very nice.

That wasn't Golden Sun's idea. Shining the Holy Ark did it too, further proving my point that Golden Sun is a StHA knock off somehow.

Oh, so I see.

A fellow staffer, Last Cetra, said that he heard that Golden Sun was a sequel to Beyond the Beyond, actually. :P I think they're made by the same company too.

Wait, is Wilf insulting our humor? Bah.

...Er... waitasec you're right...

Well, I guess we were intelligent. To Zel we go.

Hello, hello. This is Zel dropping in a reply to the mailbag for the second time ever. *Hands out candy to everyone* I would have done a flashy entrance, but I left it in my other pants. *A rimshot is heard, or maybe a gunshot. Who knows? The shadow knows.*

Right, anyway. What weapons do I want to see more of? Well, maybe Ruby and Emerald, or even Omega would be neat to see more of. *Someone comes up and whispers something* Oh, THOSE weapons. Well, most of all I'd like to see RPG heroes using no weapons at all. More bare-fisted martial arts, and such. Xenogears and Legend of Legaia are good examples of it. The next type of weapon that I want to see more of is mecha. Again, Xenogears is a good example of this. What better way to smite your enemies than with a giant robot prepped with weapons of mass destruction? Overkill? Nah. They deserve it. Next and for the remainder would be a few of the weapons seen in Chrono Cross. Frying pans, fishing rods, carrots, guitar picks, and especially Serge's swallow weapon. Double bladed nastiness with that one.

Hm. I think I've run out of ideas. So in closing, sometimes the best weapon is no weapon at all. That, or a big, big robot.

That's all I've got, so until the next time the end of the world comes around, see ya.

*Zel departs toward the snack bar provided for all who reply to the Mailbag.*

Guitar picks were SO RETARDED. :P But I liked Nikki cos he got a grippe of critical hits later.

Well, Chrono Cross had some really... interesting weapons to say the least. A lot of them were pretty nice too. And we have a snack bar?

Apparently it got added with the elevator.

This mailbag room gets cooler and cooler as long as we have people replying with imaginations. I hope someone replies saying we have a 'hot chicks room' soon.

That'd be rather nice... Yes...

...Indeed... *Ponders, drools...*

I dunno. I don't like chickens being too warm.

984, you're not helping. At all.

But am I hindering? No.

Grah, you're hopeless. Our next reply is from GG Chrono 4.

Hello again! This is GG Crono 4 with another mailbag response! w00t!

First, let me just say that GG likes this topic. He likes it very much. ^_^

Honestly, I have ALWAYS loved RPGs with cool weapons. The weapon I would like to see more of is...SWORDZ!

...did you REALLY think I would stoop to that level? I'm going to give this topic a semi-serious response, thankyouverymuch.

It's true that I loves me some cool weapons. Some of my faves are FFX's Caladbolg and Chrono Cross's Mastermune. There's really no particular weapon type I'd like to see more of (Exept maybe axes. I've always liked axes for some reason.)

But I WOULD like to see some new and unusual weapons. Not unusual like weird, just like different. I liked Wakka's blitzballs, and Quina's forks (Hey, they were pretty cool forks.) Swords and stuff are cool and all, but I like to see few few new things.

Like I said, there are no real specific weapon types i'd like to see, I'd just like to see some cool new weapons.

Oh, and I have one little question for 984 before I go. Does Captain O accualy have any powers, or does he just pop in when an O-word needs to be said? Just curious.

Well, until next time...This is GG Crono 4, saying peace out, and Rock on, fellow RPGers! I luvs ya!!!!

There's a guy in FF10 who kills stuff with his balls? COOL

Yes. Wakka is... Interesting to say the least.


I really need to get a playstation 2. :P

Just come over some time SG.

Yeah, get me the road map again, and perhaps :P

Anyway, Captain Obvious, not Captain O, pops in only when it needs to be pointed out that something is obvious.



Yes, I obviously see it.

It's rather blatant, indeed.

SG, I christen thee... Boy Blatant.

That's cool right?



I'm still a bit mad. No one mentioned any iron balls on chains. Bah.

Well, that ends another smashing episode of all my mailbags! Next week: Kagon finds out that he's pregnant!


Euhm. No. You see SG, somethings just *don't* work. That being one of them.

Wait, I know what we find out!


We find out what people's favorite top 10 Mailbag moments are!

984's pregnant? Oh. Rats.

I shall kill you one day, SG. Anyway, that's right. Next week's topic is "What are your Top 10 Favorite Mailbag Moments?" You should know where to send them by now.

If you don't, well, just look for it.

Yeah. I had trouble finding it once, but I found it.

Well, I guess we're done.

Yeah, I'm outta here. I've had enough of SG for, well, a couple of years.

I'm still feeling Lugubrious...and Kagon and his face make me feel even more lugubrious... :( :( :( :( :(