In Another Dimension... Maybe...
Queen Zeal, Schala and Dalton are standing in front of a huuuge strange-looking
machine deep down underneath a even huuuger pile of old pancakes with Dutch maple syrup
and confectioners sugar (the New and Freshly Painted in Clashing Shades of Purple and
Orange-Green Deluxe Pancake Palace).
"I'm sick and tired of being pushed around like this! I'm going to tell mother exactly what I
think about her plans!"
"What did you say, Schala?"
"Er... nothing, mother..."
Dalton, combing his long, kind of blond hair in front of a mirror held by a really ugly Golem:
"Hellooo, speed up, little girl! We're going to use the power of an all-through evil super-being
that is sleeping or something deep down in the earth to become immortal here! I've been
waiting for this since lunch, and all this tension is not good for my hair!"
"Yes, Dalton. Sorry."
Schala starts mumbling and activates the Mamimomumachine2000X. Crono, Lucca and Frog
"No, Schala, don't do it! The world will be destroyed and everyone will die if that thing starts
"Go on! We haven't got all day!"
Schala continues her mumbling.
Schala goes on, she's getting the hang of this mystic mumbling business now! Hey, maybe it
would be a good career choice! The prophet enters.
"What's going on?"
"Oh, I see..."
The Prophet throws his cloak away. Everyone gasps of surprise and their faces turn pale, the
Prophet is really Magus! The warlock looks darkly at Queen Zeal and Dalton, then he slowly
raises his hands and starts mumbling too. Crono & co holds their breath, he will save the day!
A gate opens and Magus jumps in.
"You know, I figured I might just as well leave Lavos to you guys. I mean, who cares?
Really, he's just a big, spiky, ugly alien, why would I want to waste my entire life trying to
find a way of killing something like that? I heard some guys on Earth was planning on doing a
new, modern version of Count Dracula, and I aaalways wanted to be an actor! See ya!"
Magus disappears through the gate.
"Whath? Thou little creep! I shalth cut thy filthy ears off and feadth them to the pigs!"
"Any pigs! I wasth planningth on becomingth an actor! He stoleth mine idea! Just
imagineth, 'the return of the frog monster, starring Frog'! Whath a wonderful sound... thou
Crono, waving his arms:
"Yeah, you're right! We have to stop Schala before it's too late!"
The three heroes turns around with their weapons ready. Schala is standing in front of the
machine, quiet. Queen Zeal and Dalton are also just standing there, yawning.
"Are you finished?"
"Good. Then we can go on, Queenie?"
"Ahahahaha! Behold! The Mamimo... Did you just call me 'Queenie'?"
"Oh... Well then... Hrm... The Mamimomumachine200X is starting to draw on the power of
the mighty Lavos! Immortality shall be mine! Ha ha ha ha!"
"And mine! Don't forget mine!"
"Of course not, Dalti-Palti. Immortality shall be ours! Ha ha ha ha!"
"Ha ha ha ha! (paus) Did you just call me 'Dalti-Palti'?"
Dalton turns to Crono and the others. Suddenly they realize that it's their line.
"Oh, no! We hath to stopeth it before it isth too late!"
The Mamimomumachine2000X starts glowing. Oops...
"Ha ha ha! Alright, Schala, you've done your part, go jump off a bridge."
Schala disappears from the room. The floor starts shaking.
"No! We're too late!"
*nothing* (for about ten minutes)
"Oh, Crono, that was so beautiful! You are right, we must not give up hope!"
They turn to the machine again. Lavos has been hanging waiting in the mid air surrounded by
strange colourful patterns for quite some time and finally decided to give up and go back to
"We didth it! And now, Magus, I'm comingth! Just thou waiteth!"
"What?! You can't do this to me!!"
"My hair! My long, golden, beautiful hair! Just look at what that stupid alien did to it!!
Dalton runs out of the room, crying.
"No! Ah! Please don't! I'm innocent! I... I... I was manipulated! Yeah! Lavos had taken over
my mind! Where am I? What have I done? Oh, Schala, Janus, where are you my little dearly
beloved darlings?! Please forgive me, I didn't know what I was doing... boo hoo!"
"Oh, that poor woman, *sob* lets help her find her children and reunite them as one big,
"Yes, and then, Magus!"
Frog raises the Masamune high above his head with a wild grin, light is reflected in the holy
blade. Then he starts jumping up and down like a madman.
"I hateth, hateth, hateth, hateth him! Destroy, destroy, diediediedie! Ha ha ha ha ha hee hee!"
"Er... Right... Onward!"
Everyone leaves, including one verrry regretful Queen Zeal, who keeps sighing and
complaining about her weakness and how terribly sorry she is that she let Lavos control her
like that and draw her away from her dear children and what she, in her poor, lonely heart,
knew was right. Frog starts giggling madly every now and then all the way through the New
and Freshly Painted in Clashing Shades of Purple and Orange-Green Deluxe Pancake Palace
until Lucca hits him in the head with a safe helm and replaces him with Ayla.
"Ooh! Pancake, yummy!"
"Noo! Watch the...!"
With a big *splosch!* the huge pile of pancakes collapses as the Neanderthal woman starts
eating the foundation.
"Heeelp! I'm drowning!"
And with that, he throws himself into the Dutch maple syrup that is pouring down on Lucca
and begin to drink it all up. After a while, Lucca can once again breathe, and Crono is lying
on the slippery ground, about ten times as fat as usual and with a major dental problem.
"Phew, thanks! I thought I was going to die... Ayla, you're DEAD!!"
Lucca starts chasing Ayla around the ruins of the New and Freshly Painted in Clashing
Shades of Purple and Orange-Green Deluxe Pancake Palace, shouting things like *beep* and
*beep*. Crono watch the wild chase sheepishly for a few moments, then he shakes his head
and uses his pocket-Epoch to silently sneak away. During the entire sequence, Queen Zeal has
been trying to climb up a mountain of pancakes that Ayla missed, without much success. She
gives up as Crono disappears.
"Daaaltiii! Come here, you wimp, I need help!"
A great, white horse comes galloping towards the queen, bathed in the blood red light of the
setting sun. Dalton, now dressed all in white with some golden stuff here and there, holds out
his hand towards her with a heroic expression on his noble face.
"Let's get the *beep* out of here, Queenie."
Queen Zeal, with a relieved smile:
Together they disappears into the sunset, leaving behind the voices of two women.
"AooOOooo! But me was hungry Lucca!"
"You almost killed me, you *beep*! You shouldn't be allowed to run around freely! Crono, I
think we should replace her with Robo, permanently! What do you say, Crono? Crono? Hey,
where did he go?!"
"Me no like Crono, he ate all the maple syrup! Me wanna go home..."
"Oh, be quiet! I'll open a gate for us..."
A gate opens, Ayla and Lucca enters it. As it close, a desperate scream can be heard.
"Nooooooooooo!!! We ended up in the wrong time! Ayla, you stay away from th...!