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Booya Sucka! : The Stranger
by Ersatz Sobriquet

Episode 1

Though their names remain etched within each and everyone's mind; Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Vincent, Yuffie, Cait Sith, Cid, their names synonymous with the great evil that was thwarted by them, badness still seeps onto the scene now and again. It tries it's best to cause trouble that is thought to be long gone. That is why I am here. Why I have come to restore peace to this disturbed land.

Evil Dr. Hojo may be long gone, but his damage to my psyche is and will forever be scared. My mental capacities as well as my physical prowess has reached un-known heights that the hardest trained athlete would kill for. Endowed with these powers, I cannot idly stand by whilst evil possess the souls of those who wish to revel in peace of mind. I am here to clean up this town. Evil shall not rest its head here as long as I breathe the breath I breathe.

My name? BS.


"Hurry up, Muffy! The party is going to start in an half-hour!" a middle-aged woman, blonde hair trying to fight back the gray streaks age wishes to bestow on her, yelled from her little bathroom next to their bedroom.

"Well, darling, I would simply love to move along in this process here, but I'm having quiet the trouble figuring out what to wear." Muffy said, walking into the bathroom. "What do you think, Buffy? You think this works?" he asked, gesturing to his person.

She stopped combing her hair for a moment and looked at him, scanning the choices made. Making odd expressions, contorting her face, she said finally, "Well, I like the tie. And I like the pants and I love the shirt… But just not together, dear."

Grumbling for a moment, looking down at himself, he asked, "Well, then, what should I do to change this look into something we can both enjoy?"

"Change that tie and the pants. The blue set. You'll be fine, darling."

"Very well," he concluded and walked back to the bedroom.

Buffy commenced combing her hair. She smiled after a while, glowing at the image placed out before her. "I do look stunning, don't I?" she spoke to no one in general.

"Whom are you talking to, darling?" Muffy yelled out from within his closet.

"No one, dear. Simply flattering myself. A little, self motivation."

"Mmm, yes." his muffled voice said in return. Walking back into the bathroom, he asked, "Are you wearing that thing again? That black dress simply does nothing for your exquisite features, dear."

"Well, you know what they say, Muffy." Buffy replied. "Once you go black, you never go back."

"Goodness sakes alive, will you ever cease using such tired phrases?"

"Well, darling, you've got to stay with what works. Stay with what works." she smiled at herself in the mirror.

"Mmm, yes." his voice drifted as he walked out the room.

Several moments later, the two were out the door, on their way to the big bash where only the rich were able to congregate. Starting the engine up on their gorgeously, luxuriously lush automobile, Muffy asked, "Did you ensure the diamond was securely placed in the room with the semi-automatics ready to fire at anyone who happens to venture within?"

"You mean the alarm, dear?" Buffy returned a question.

"Yes, yes, you know what I mean."

"Of course I did." he replied. Driving out from their establishment, he finished, "How careless do you imagine me to be?"

Meanwhile, inside the manor, a button simply labeled "Off" which was opposite of "On" was pushed, and the security system was quietly shut-down.


"Oh, good heavens alive!" Buffy cried in horror. "My beautiful, $62,400.45 diamond has been stolen from me!" She commenced her sobbing once more and buried her head in her hands.

Walking up behind her, Muffy peered into the room his wife, at the doorway, had fallen to her knees in surprise and agitation. Noting the scene before her, he shook his head. "Goodness sakes alive. Evil has penetrated even our expensive and therefore best mansion in the whole town. If it can happen to us, my dear, I'm sure for a certain now that it can happen anywhere."

Buffy, though, was too shocked still to do anything but continue her incessant crying.

"And they left not a clue as to where we can find them." Muffy continued, as he picked up a slip of folded paper that simply said on the outside, "Not A Clue". Inside, the paper was blank. "Well, this is just plain rude."

"Is there anyone that can restore peace to this downhearted person!??" Buffy asked out loud, tears still streaming down her face.

At that exact moment, as if saying this were his cue, a masked man, a BS symbol adorning his forehead where a black masked cover everything but his eyes, with tight black spandex covering his whole person, yellow streaks highlighting the most of him, crashed violently through one of the windows in the room and rolled on the floor. Hopping up quickly, shrugging off any glass debris, he placed his hands on his hips and stated, "I am!" A gust of wind flew behind his words, and flapped his cape some.

"Good gracious, young man! What are you, some sort of hero?" Muffy asked the caped, masked vigilante.

"Why, that question can be answered with the utmost assured response of 'Yes'!!" he replied, forcefully.

Buffy looked up at him, tears still streaking from her eyes, and then observed the mess of glass that lay behind him. "You broke our window!!" she bellowed, and then resumed her crying.

"Fret not, dear lady. For it is I, the one who will avenge your savaged, ravaged, blood-depleted heart!"

She looked up at him again, and confusingly asked, "What does that mean?"

Muffy ignored her question, and asked him, "But, what I want to know is just what those two initials stand for? BS? Uhh, would it be Beast Slave?"

"No, good sir!" his deep voice responded, a hint of laughter flowing through.

"Beauticians Special?"

"Well, that would just be short of silly, sir!"

"Barking Stupid?"

"Now your just making things up!"

"Ohh! Bullsh-"

"No, no, no, no!!" he quickly interrupted him. "I am a family friendly superhero!"

"I had the window specially flown in from Icicle Inn. How ever am I going to receive a replacement?" Buffy pondered, tears finally slowing their decent down her face.

"Well, what is your name then, young man?"

"My name is Booya Sucka!" Booya proudly proclaimed, a gust of wind blowing his cape after he finished announcing it. "And I have come to rid this world from any and all evil!"

"Uh-huh. Well, that's all well and good, but I don't really see the need for the costume." Muffy started. "I mean, it's just a pretentious little garment meant to try and hide your true inner thoughts and emotions from people, something I certainly don't want in some kind of "superhero". Muffy finished making little quotes with his fingers. "And anyway, what actually makes you a super hero anyway?"

"Well, fellow doubter, when I proclaim the words, Booya Sucka!" and then a gust of wind began to blow his cape some, "I gather on super human strength, able to knock any foe out with one solid punch!"

"And then you have my friends, who simply will not understand how we allowed such a unruly fellow like you to walk away scotch free." Buffy muttered along, still remaining on the topic of the broken window. "And my mother, oh Muffy, my mother! What will she think?"

"I think you're lying, good sir. I don't believe of you to possess any such power." Muffy stated to him.

"But I do! And I can prove it to you!" Booya said, and walked up to Buffy.

"Oh my, and then I simply must have to find out about the framer and see if he can arrange a time to come over and examine this catastrophe." Buffy was still saying when she stopped and looked up at Booya who towered over her.

Shouting loudly, "Booya Sucka!" he pulled his arm back and then let his fist sail into her face. As soon as it made contact, she completely blanked out and toppled over, unconscious.

Examining his wife, he looked at Booya and said, "Well, looks like I've been made the dill in this pickle jar." he stated, smiling approvingly. "Well, off you go now, to retrieve the stolen goods that's been abducted from us and to go and do harm to whomever it is' person. Go on, go, go." he softly coached, pushing his hands away approvingly.

"Yes sir!" Booya said, and jumping out the window, his cape knocked away some shards of glass as he did so.

Crouching next to his unconscious better half, Muffy muttered, "Very good work already, masked defender. Very good, indeed."


"So, you know, this dude just comes right up to me, right?" the blonde hair fellow begins. "And he looks at me and he says, 'Dude! How can I be a dope as you?!' So, you know, I'm looking at him looking at me, and I kinda look at his clothes, and like, I can totally tell he can't be like me even if I ripped my face off and splattered it on his freakin' face, ya know?"

The other two fellows in the room started chuckling at the truth to this.

"So, like, there I was, trying to figure out how to tell him, ya know, that he can't be me! No one can be like me, ya know? There's only one Manchez, and that Manchez is me, ya know?" he said, taking the toothpick out from the side of his mouth.

"So what did you say, Manchez?" one of the men asked.

"What do ya think I said, Hench? I was like, 'Ayo! You can't be like me, son! I'm sick tight, yo. You can't flow like I do. You can't rock a Vincichi suit like I do. Get over it!'" and he finished that last line thrusting himself forward to the invisible person that originated from the story he just recanted.

The other two guys smiled and clapped approvingly of the story.

"Ya know, ain't no one I know who is more stylist than you. You know that, right Manchez?" the other man commented.

"Ay. I know you know that I know about the dopeness that we both know comes from me. You ain't gotta keep bringing it up, Jax." Manchez said, walking over to him. Patting him on the cheek some, he said, "You gonna start to make me blush some, now there."

Jax started to smile again, as Manchez walked away, shoes clicking and echoing in the large room. The tall ceiling room was spotted with darkness, the only light source coming from the large fireplace, flames licking and dancing, placing a fine show for the three men who cast occasional glances into it. Four large chairs, two on each side of the room, furnished the rather ordinary room, and was the only pieces of furniture in there.

Sitting down, looking around, Manchez asked, "Hey. Where is Vincardo? I hope he's not still trying to learn how to break dance. Ever since he saw that there break dancing competition video… you know, the one that Ricardo brought with him on his last trip?" Manchez waited until he saw the approved head nods of his two comrades. "Yeah, him, he just been wantin' to break dance and be like the guys he saw on that tape. But we all know Vincardo can't be a break dancing fool. I mean, he can be a fool, but you better not believe that he can be any sort of break dancing fool, ya know? Ya know??" he finished chuckling as the other two men laughed at the thought of Vincardo break dancing.

Vincardo, as you might not have known, has a little problem with having two left feet. In the literalist sense, though. For some unexplained reason, he literally was born with two left feet. His parents were more than a little embarrassed to say that he was their son, and all of his friends shied away from him the instant they realized his odd handicap. It was only when Manchez befriended him did he really believe that he would be with people that liked and respected him for who he was. But the only thing that his friendship with these three unruly men brought was constant teasing and belittling because he couldn't thieve like his compadres did.

"I mean, think about it! Think about it, guys!" Manchez was able to say over the laughter of the mental images of this, one, Vincardo break dancing. "Watch me. And I ain't never break dance a day in my life!" And with that, Manchez dropped down and started to break dance, spinning his legs in a whirlwind of skill and precision, head spins and fancy footwork being accomplished without the slightest bit of hindrance.

After the short show was over, he spread his arms out in a flashy show, waiting for the applause that of course came. "You awesome, dude. You awesome!" Hench yelled out.

"You know I is, Hench. You know I is. Get out of here." Manchez smiled at him. "Now, if Vincardo was to try to break dance, you know he'd be flat on the floor before he even got a chance to put two feet forward!"

The men again laughed at the "delightful" image they conjured up within their heads. As they giggled and chuckled and occasionally snort, a confident Vincardo sauntered in the wide room, a slight grin cropping up on his face. The men slowed their laughter some as they recognized his presence and looked at him with inquisitive expressions.

"What you so happy about, Vinny?" Jex, the other fellow asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Vincardo responded.

"Yeah, I would. That's why I asked, dummy." he replied, a bit confused at Vincardo's answer.

"Where were you all this time, Vincardo?" Manchez asked him.

Vincardo chuckled some and said, "Round and about, doing things I ought not to." he vaguely replied.

"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about," Hench said. "So, can you just tell us where you been and what you's been doing?"

"Let me answer that question with all of you following me into the next room," Vincardo said walking away.

"This better be good, Vinny," Jex said, a bit on the heavyset side, struggling to rise from his chair.

"I don't have time for games, Vincardo," Manchez said as well.

As the three men followed Vincardo into the adjacent room, they noticed a new light source emanating from a corner that never emanated light before. Following closely now to Vincardo, they realized what it was. A huge, magnificent, quite heavy, diamond from the depths of the deep, deep earth; very rare, very expensive. The light from the full moon, the clear sky spying down on it without hindrance, gave the room a soft, eerie glow.

Stunned, mouths dropping in awe, the three men shuffled over to the diamond that was resting on a soft, red plush cushion. "Where did you find this, Vinny?" Hench was the first one to ask.

"Find?" Vincardo almost laughed repeating him. "I didn't find this. I stole it, guys."

"You stole it?" they all asked in unison, looking at him dubiously.

"Course I did." he replied, chest sticking out a bit in pride.

"From who? Where? When??" Manchez battered him with questions.

Chuckling, Vincardo stuffed his hands in his pockets and started, "So many questions, so little time." He started to walk past them, but stumbled, on account of his two left feet. Falling into the arms of Hench, and being pushed back into a standing position, he tried to regain composure and started up again, saying, "From the mansion that belongs to the richest couple in town. The Tenors!"

Gasps escaped the lips of all three fellows as Vincardo waited patiently for praise and adulation. He never did receive it, but he did quickly receive a knock on the head from Manchez. "You stupid-!"

Vincardo was a bit surprised at his reaction. He wasn't supposed to be angry with him. He was supposed to be praising him and thanking him, even profusely, for doing such a thing. "Wha- what?" was the only thing he could stutter out.

"You did this wit' out even asking us?! Without even consul'in' us, making sure no loop holes were exposed, yo?!"

"There weren't any loop holes, Manchez! I made sure of it."

Crouching on one knee, Jax observed some sand build up from a spot from the bag that was busted, a rather big pile now accumulating. The "sand" was reddish, and a bit thicker than normal sand. "'ay, look at this." Jax called out.

"What is it, Jax?" Hench asked.

"It looks like some sort 'o sand."

"Sand!?" Manchez yelled. "Where it come from?"

A few particles slowly continued to seep from its source: the plush pillow that the diamond rested on. Noticing this, Jax's only reply was a finger point to the origin.

"Did you know the bag was all busted up?!!" Manchez yelled.

"What kind of question is that, eh?" Vincardo replied.

"It's a question I's asked!"

"That question don't make no sense! Whys would I do som'in like this on purpose?"

"This is what I'm tryin' to figga' out."

"I ain't do it on purpose! It was an accident, honest!"

"Suppose someone comes and traces the trail here? What'll happen then?"

"I don't think no one will follow him. No one probably won't even think to look for sum'in like that," Hench intervened.

Cocking his head and catching him right in the eye, Manchez asked, "Was anyone talking to you?"

Throwing his hands up, Hench backed a bit away from the encounter.

"Hey, boss! Don't worry about it, eh? No one will find us out. Fer real, man. Don't worry."

"Yeah. I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to even come here." Jax chimed in.

With a bolt of lighting erupted and coursed through the window which was the only source for outside light, it was violently shattered as a figure draped in all black spandex with bolts of lighting streaked and smeared across his chest stood amongst them with his hands on his hips, yelling, "Evil ones! You shall understand fate, destiny and the pangs of distress once I am through with you!"

"What the f--" Jax was cut off by the sudden cock of a gun by his side. Manchez revealing a huge gun, length of the barrel reaching a foot and a half in length, with the opening being a good six inches wide.

"Where did you pull that gun from?" Hench asked confusingly.

"I thought you said nobody was gonna find us out, Vinny??" Manchez spat.

Throwing his hands up in self-proclaimed defeat, Vincardo stammered, "I don't know what's going on! I did it for you boss! I wanted your approval!"

"You suck, then!" Manchez said as he fired off a round.

Jax and Hench both ducked and ran for cover as Vincardo grabbed the diamond and ran into a corner.

Dodging the attack quite deftly, the spandex wearing caped crusader began, "The power entrusted into my being shall exterminate your evil! Darkness runs and hides from the light and my energies will overpower you to win this fight! Booya Sucka!" Thrusting his body towards his attacker, his fist began to glow as it caught each bullet that was shot his way until he reached Manchez and quickly passed his fist across his face. Manchez instantly fell to the floor unconscious.

Turning to Jax who stared wide-eyed at the whole event, decided it was time for him to act. There was no way someone dressed in spandex would ever get away with causing shame to the Clandestine Click. Throwing several punches that were easily avoided, a left-handed hook caught him off guard and Jax stumbled back. The attack did something to Booya, though. Something in him ticked and clanged and took over his fighting senses. This villain didn't need to be dispatched and disbarred from crime only. He needed to be dead.

Clenching his fist, energies surged and gathered around his fist, attaching itself to it. The light grew, pure white, until he couldn't hold it anymore. Screaming with all his might, "Super Hojo, Mojo Blast!" A blast of white energy was sent forth to Jax, the spectrum covering his upper chest which completely dissolved him on contact.

A high-pitched scream came from Hench's corner in which he decided to hide in and started to make way for the window that was recently rent apart by Booya Sucka's entry. Hench was scarred. He never saw such power before and he feared death at that moment more than ever.

Hearing the broken glass being stepped on, Booya turned to Hench's way. There was to be no escape for these evil ones, Booya reasoned. He yelled, "Destruction Force, Max!" as a huge fireball let itself from his fists and surged and burrowed it's way through Hench's back until it reached the front of his chest and continued on it's way, creating a swath of destruction the whole way, disappearing into the night. A devilish grin crept across Booya's face over the destruction he was wreaking.

Noting that he only disposed of three villains, he searched for a clue as to where the other ruffian had fled. Senses dulling for a second, he was completely taken aback as a chair crashed across his back. Hurled to the ground, he looked behind to see a wild Vincardo's shoe attempting to smash his face into the ground. Moving swiftly and surely from it's path of death, he rolled to his feet, moved in quickly and dealt a swift kick to the abdomen, followed by another kick to his chest. A lit fist began to glow as he proclaimed, "Earth's Furry, Envelop!" Swinging his fist, once it made contact with Vincardo's face it went right through, coming out the other side. Having half his face gone, Vincardo slumped to the floor, dead.

Realizing the carnage that just ensued, the little thing that clicked and clanged earlier subsided and he stood there shocked and appalled at what just occurred. Movements of the joints in his leg forbid him to make a move; he just stood there, dumbfounded, within the midst of the swath of destruction he caused. Small fires burned slowly off the clothes of the ones that laid slain, and blood found new places to rest across the walls, the ceiling and even his person. How did he allow himself to go so far? He couldn't contend with this outcome. Never would he allow this to happen. So why did it happen? What was that feeling that overwhelmed him? Took over his actions? Questions needed to be answered.

Booya quickly grabbed the diamond and began running back to the mansion, at the very least, to finish the assignment he committed himself to. Yes, evil had been placed at bay that day, and he was thankful for that, but the results were anything that he could ever imagine. The cold night air carried him quickly to the manor. He needed to figure this out. Quickly.


The Tenor's were more than grateful that I returned their prize to them I suggested to them that they acquire a much better security system, and they took the suggestion in strides, doing so the next day even.

The experiments that were performed on me by Dr. Hojo apparently affected my mind more than I realized. I don't know if I'm cut out to do such a thing as defend the broken and downtrodden. When I engage in battle, it seems that my anger and un-natural killing tendencies take over without any control or authority granted by me to do so. I'm subjected to sit in the background and watch.

I didn't want to kill them.

I have the power to fight evil and I wish to do so. No one should be subjected to the cruel treatment Hojo placed me in, thus why I fight. To prevent cruelty of the sort happening again. Even though the things he did to me was terrible, I have been endowed with these powers and I shouldn't stand by, resorting to allow evil to be handled by those less qualified. But I can't let what happened the other night to happen again. I can't.

I don't want to kill. I need to learn how to control such urges to kill. But I can't do it alone.

I read about Vincent, the original saviors of this planet and the type of ungodly power he possessed as well. He seemed to be as powerful as me, if not more so, able to transform into a powerful, ungodly beast of destruction. But he was able to control his anger. I should seek him out. He would, no doubt make for a valuable aid in helping me control my actions.

Yes! I shall make way to meet him. To talk to him. To see if he can help me be a better hero. A better man despite Hojo's interest to make me otherwise. I must, for I want to be as great as the greats are without sinking to the debauchery levels of those I swear to fight.


Notes D' Auteur

This idea came up spur of the moment. To have a super-hero type story set within the FF VII world. I wanted comedy to be the focal point, but have spades of action littered throughout. I also wanted this to be a series of stories, just like a comic book. I don't know how many of these I'll do, but hopefully it'll last for quite some time. Hope you enjoyed this and the future adventures of Booya!

Ersatz Sobriquet

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