Bored beyond compare
I am terribly bored and out of ideas... that's it!!
When Crono's band becomes bored...
Gaspar just stood there in the lamplight, snoring and having a
little bubble come from his nose blow up and shrink as he
breathed. Ayla yawned. Frog yawned. Marle yawned. Even Magus
"Boooring!" Marle suddenly exclaimed, "Haven't
they found that stupid Rainbow shell yet?"
"Me hope so," Ayla grumpily said, "biiig yawn
It was only half an hour ago that Crono, Robo and Lucca had left
in the search for the big shell, but the abandoned ones were
already fed up with waiting for the result.
"Hey," Ayla said, "what we fight Spekkio a
She and Marle looked at each other and then shook their heads.
"Nah," the princess said, "either he'll kick our
butts or we'll win some more tabs. It's just as boring. Hey, you
Magus and Frog looked up.
"Dost you mean myself and this half-blood, so to put the
words, vampire, my young lady comrade?" Frog asked.
"Who else? Old man time?"
Marle waved at Gaspar, who still slept.
"What do you want?" Magus asked, not very interested at
"Why don't you to have a fight?" Marle suggested,
"there's nothing funnier than to hear you two curse each
Magus and Frog exchanged glances.
"Nay, I canst not think of anything more to name thee."
the knight said.
"Me neither," Magus said, "I even called you 'a
half-breed between a goblin and Ozzie's last girlfriend' last
time we fought. I'm getting out of ideas."
There was a silence, when everybody tried to figure out who'd be
stupid enough to date Ozzie.
"I know I'll regret this, but...?" Marle finally said.
Magus shook his head and pulled a rare face of disgust.
"Flea." he said.
"But Flea is a transve... eughh!" the other three
heroes of time moaned.
"Thee begin to sound like Slash." Frog said.
"That's because I spent about ten years growing up with him.
No questions asked, thank you."
"I, for one, won't ask." Marle shuddered.
"Ayla neither. Ughh..."
Magus wrapped his blood-red cloak around himself, grumbling:
"I am getting very irritated because of all this waiting. We
could have been fighting Lavos now if it weren't for your
"What the prince is trying to say," Gaspar yawned,
"is that he is getting terribly bored."
"You know me well." Magus snorted.
"Poor man..." Frog mumbled.
"Now what did you say?" the dark wizard snarled.
"I sent poor Sir Gaspar my compassion due to his torment of
knowing thee, you snail hatched from darkness itself!"
Marle jumped up and down, smiling widely.
"Come on, come on!" she cheered, "fight, fight,
fight! Anything to stop this dullness!"
"Yeah! Fight fun!" Ayla howled.
"'Snail hatched from darkness itself'?" Magus snorted,
"that's the lousiest insult I've ever heard!"
"Think of something better thyself, then!" the knight
"If I were you, I'd think of something like 'something a
Black Tyrano spit up after chewing on it for a week', or 'Lavos'
finest minion', or maybe even 'what imps scorn to have for
dinner', you stupid amphibian!"
"'Stupid amphibian'?" Frog said with a sneer,
"thee canst do better than that, o minion of Lavos! Thee
could name me 'Cyrus' so-called-comrade, yet in reality that
small man he just brought along to seem more like a hero
himself,' or thee could give me the title of 'pathetic little
"Come on, I came up with three things," Magus said,
"you have to think of something more, you green dwarf!"
"What dost thee sayeth about 'green king-sized lice'?"
"That's good," he admitted, then suddenly smacked his
own forehead, "damn, this is ridiculous! We're starting to
"Ayla think funny!" the cave-woman grinned.
"Speak for yourself, striptease-girl."
"Me think blue-in-need-of-wash-hair should say better
'idiotic girl who's only excuse is that she is a
"Alright then, I'll keep that in... now cut it out!"
Magus shuddered and tore up his wrapped cloak with a dramatic
gesture of his hand, then waved wildly with both his arms.
"This is idiotic!" he exclaimed, "we're telling
everyone else how they should insult us! And I thought that
growing up as a human child among monsters was screwed
But nobody cared about him.
"What should we call thee, Marle?" Frog asked,
Marle scratched her head, frowning and thinking hard.
"How about 'a stupid little girl who fall in love with a
silly, mute hero-wannabe', or simply 'a slow-thinking
"Good ones," Frog said, "dost thee have thy
There was a sound of a pencil over a paper.
"Sure," Magus murmured, "let's see,
His head snapped up, and he glared at his companions, making the
note-block and the pencil dissolve in his hands.
"I was being sarcastic." he growled.
"Sure..." the others smiled.
"Leave me out of this," Gaspar said, "I was never
good with insulting anyone, not even myself."
"'Old man time' works fine anyhow, dost it not?" Frog
"For God's sake!" Magus moaned, "I think I'm going
crazy... I've never experience this width of stupidity
He was quiet for a moment. Everyone patiently awaited what they
hoped was yet another flood of tasty insults.
"No wait..." the warlock finally said, "Cyrus'
desperate assault that day when I killed him and turned Frog to a
green dwarf was even more stupid. He KNEW he had no chance of
"Hold thy tongue!" Frog snarled, "he was an
"I thought you just said he brought you along just
to..." Marle began, but became silent as Magus gave her a
"He was an idiot, he knew he had no chance." the
Everybody was sure that Frog would draw the Masamune and charge,
but instead he smirked and said:
"That was what thee should have known as well, when thee
attacked Lavos in the Ocean Palace, thou excuse for a powerful
Magus eyes began to glow alarmingly, and his lips drew back to
unveil almost all of his white teeth.
"Would thee repeateth that, wielder of a rusty sword?"
"I'll gladly call you excuse for a powerful wizard as many
times as you wish, you idiot!" Frog snapped.
They stared at each other, jaws dropped. Gaspar, Ayla and Marle
also stared stupidly at the warlock and the knight.
"Blast it," Frog moaned, "now I'm starting to talk
"Speaketh for thyself, thou art not the one with the
accursed old-English dialect!"
"Who's the script-writer?" Frog snarled, "I will
cut him in half for this!"
"I think it's a woman, actually..." Ayla said.
"Yeah!" Marle yelled, "me think so too! Oh no, now
me and Ayla also screw up!"
Magus stared at the never-ending, dusky sky in the End of Time.
"Hear ye, hear ye!" he growled, "if thou dost not
mend this wrong immediately, lady, I will chant a spell to
turneth thee into a smoking heap of dust!"
Nobody moved for a moment.
"Dost thee believeth it worked?" Frog finally said.
"Yahoo!" everyone cheered.
But after the celebration over freedom ceased, dullness returned.
"'Back to bore, back to reality...'" Marle lazily sang.
"Can not anyone think of something a little funny?"
Magus slowly looked up and smiled coldly.
"A little fun?" he grinned.
Frog gave a moan and put his small hands over his eyes, hardly
able to cover the bulbs.
"Great idea, Ayla." Magus said and raised his hands.
Crono, Lucca and Robo entered the End of Time, leaving Epoch
"We've got the shell," the scientist cheered, "and
now we only have to go to 1000 AD and ask Melchior to... WHAT IN
THE NAME OF ALBERT EINSTEIN HAS HAPPENED HERE?!?"
"His Highness and the other three heroes got terribly bored,
I'm afraid." a man-sized goat with human hands and Gaspar's
hat on one of the horns explained.
"Look, me can flyyy!" Ayla howled and flapped with her
enormous goose-wings, stretching her long neck to peck on Robo's
"This is not so bad at all!" a three foot tall frog
dressed in Marle's clothes yelled, jumping so high she could
touch the top of the tall lamp in the middle of the room.
"I thinketh that Magus hasth got a sick sense of
humour," something furry, apparently Frog, said and
stretched its body to surprising length, "but at least I'm
not slimy anymore."
The three non-enchanted ones watched in amazement as the big,
tiger-striped and cloaked cat sat down and started licking his
whiskers. Crono finally pulled himself together.
"Where is that wizard?!" he yelled, "I'll kill him
"Should thee not be mute, my friend?" Fr...err... Cat
"Now is not the moment for that!" Crono snapped,
"WHERE IS MAGUS!?"
Cat yawned and pointed at a dark corner of the room. Crono, Lucca
and Robo gasped in surprised fear and stared at the Thing.
"I admit I was really bored." the Thing sneered with
His lips, if you could name it that, moved away as he spoke,
showing two lines of dagger-alike teeth and a thin, sharp tongue.
"Err..." Robo said, "trying to identify specie...
beep, beep, beep, gulp..."
Two black claw-hands hit the floor as Magus stretched his dark
body. Then he stood up, and firstly the three amazed heroes
thought that it was his cloak which fell, held up by his arms.
Then they realized that it was a pair of black wings, ATTACHED to
"I guess I should not have called him a 'half-blood
vampire'." Cat sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Identification complete," Robo murmured, "the
analyzed being is a bat."
"No, no," Magus said, "I am a VAMPIRE-bat."
"Upgrading information... beep, gulp, beep..."
"Please don't tell me you're hungry..." Lucca
"No," Magus smiled, "but I'm still not done with
my project here. You know what, Lucca, I always thought you were
a little fishy..."
"We have a quest to take care of!" the scientist said,
"That can wait for a moment," the monster-bat said,
"right now we're having fun."
"Come on, you can't turn me into a fish!" Lucca said,
"there's no water here!"
Magus nodded, thoughtfully.
"I stand corrected. Let's see, Robo could be a...
"Hey!" the robot exclaimed.
"What's wrong with that?" Magus said, "gorillas
and humans are related."
"Oh. Alright then." Robo nodded.
Magus thoughtfully looked at Lucca.
"Since you and the tin-man like each other so much, I
suppose you should match him. A monkey, maybe... yes, that's
"So what will I be?" Crono asked.
Magus rubbed what probably was his cheek.
"According to your hair," he slowly said, "I'll
make it a hedgehog."
He raised his claw-hands and began chanting.
I'll end this thing RIGHT here for the safety of the human