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Attack of the Dark Fics
by d_Galloway

*Galloway walks on stage*
Galloway: Hello, and welcome back to The FF break room. Tonight, we'll-
*robed figures charge onto the stage and knock Galloway out*

*Galloway comes to his senses in a large, stone room*
Galloway: *notices he's tied to a chair* What the hell is going on here?!
*figures begin to descend the stares*
Galloway: *examines the figures* What? couldn't be!
*Mamiya, a bunch of zombies, Bobby, Mary, Dan, an Avoozl worshipper (aka Chernovy), and Magus come into view*
Magus: Well, since you've moved onto comedy, your buddies from your dark fics decided they had to get your attention back. So I simply helped them knock you out and trap you here.
Galloway: And where exactly is "here"?
Mamiya: The basement of the Barrows Castle, from Clock Tower/Clock Tower 2J.
Galloway: And you simply plan on leaving me here?
Dan: Au contraire, we plan on finishing you off later, after we've dealt with the FF characters.
Galloway: What?
Mary: Those pesky fools have been invited to visit the castle. And we'll be ready for them.
Mamiya: Just how did you do that, Mary?
Mary: Simple. They think there's some sort of treasure in the castle, so they're sure to come looking for it.
Galloway: And you, Magus, why are you doing this?
Magus: Because you put me in a crap crossover! I've dealt with Weiila, so you're next!
Galloway: What have you done to her?!
Magus: Oh, not much. Just tied her up in another room of the castle.
Galloway: Just out of curiosity, how can you tie me up in the basement of the castle? There wasn't any basement!
Dan: Cutting room floor. Pretty easy to understand.
Bobby: Heheheheh, blood!
Mamiya: Well, we should be getting ready!
*Everyone except for Galloway and a few zombies leave*
Galloway: Crap. I'm without my sword, strapped to a chair, with zombies blocking my escape. I need a plan, fast!

*Meanwhile, at the front of the castle*
*Cloud, Black Mage, Sephiroth, Kefka, Squall, Vivi, and Edward enter the castle*
Cloud: Now where's that treasure?
Black Mage: *hits Cloud* You moron! We just got in!
Kefka: Um, does this place seem a little...creepy?
Edward: Uh...I'm scared!
Black Mage: Then you shouldn't have come along. Now let's move in!
*everyone enters the front foyer of the castle*
Squall: Wow. Pretty clean for an ancient castle.
Sephiroth: I can feel it...
Vivi: Feel what?
Sephiroth: An evil presence lies somewhere nearby. Something clearly doesn't want us here.
Black Mage: Bah, you're just imagining things. Watch! *takes a step forward*
*A loud clang is heard in the distance*
Vivi: That doesn't sound good.
*Dan enters the room in full Scissorman attire*
Dan: *clangs scissors*
FF characters: *laugh*
Dan: What's so funny?
Sephiroth: Scissors? You're scaering us with scissors?
Edward: Be careful! Scissors are dangerous!
Squall: A breeze is dangerous to you!
Dan: Hey! Pay attention to me!
Kefka: Why should we, you miserable excuse for a murderer?
*Mary enters room*
Mary: How dare you!
Black Mage: He started it! Now get out of our way!
Mary: Zombies! Get them!
*zombies begin to emerge from all areas of the room*
Mary: Let's go, Dan.
*Mary and Dan leave*
Black Mage: HADOUKEN!!! *Hadoukens some zombies away*
Vivi: HADOUKEN!!! *Hadoukens some zombies away*
Sephiroth: *begins to cut through zombies*
Cloud: *cuts through zombies*
Squall: *Renouzokas zombies*
Edward: *bashes zombie heads with his harp (zombies are weak)*
Kefka: *casts Ultima on several of the zombies*

Galloway: *is struggling to get out of the chair* Damn it! Stupid ropes! *begins to focus energy* Discharge! *breaks the ropes with a Discharge*
Zombies: *rush forward to attack Galloway*
Galloway: *begins to perform flashy comboes and attacks (you only get a chance like this once-better make it good)*
*Galloway continues to attack until all of the zombies are dead, then rushes up the stairs*

*the FF characters have successfully defeated the zombies. The walls of the Foyer are covered in blood and zombie parts*
Squall: I guess we can scratch *get treasure* off our list.
Black Mage: Bah! I'm not giving up over a few zombies!
Edward: Those were a few THOUSAND zombies!
Vivi: I think we should turn back, Mr. Black Mage.
Sephiroth: The kid's right.
Black Mage: Fine.
*Magus suddenly enters the room*
Magus: Hey, where're you going? The fun's just beginning!
*a trap door opens, plunging the FF characters into the basement*
Kefka: *rubs head* GRRR! Wait until I tell Weiila about this!
Black Mage: *points toward Weiila, who's being suspended over a vat of acid* Speak of the devil!
*Bobby suddenly jumps out of nowhere*
Sephiroth: Not another scissor-weilding midget.
Vivi: KA ME...
Vivi: HA ME...
Bobby: HAH HAH-huh?
Vivi: HA! *Kamehame's Bobby into the wall* Quick! Free Miss Weiila!
Sephiroth: *cuts Weiila down and carries her, still tied up, out of the basement*
Bobby: *recovers* You die now!
Edward: *hides*
All the other FF characters: *flee from the basement*
Bobby: Where that stupid boy go?
Edward: *eyes a switch by his hiding spot*
Bobby: Hey! Where you?!
Edward: *quickly pulls the switch*
*a trap door opens under Bobby, sending him down*
Edward: Now to join the others! *runs after the others*

Galloway: *is running through a hallway* I need to get to the others and warn them!
*Mary and Dan jump out of nowhere*
Mary: Dan! Get him!
Dan: *charges forward*
Galloway: *ducks down and kicks Dan in the groin*
Dan: *falls in pain*
Mary: You fool! *rushes forward*
Galloway: *summons a lawyer*
Lawyer: *threatens to sue Mary if she and Dan don't leave*
Mary: I give up. *takes Dan and leaves*
Galloway: Well, I have to continue! *continues down the hallway*

*the FF characters are running toward the top of the castle*
Black Mage: We can get out through here!
Cloud: I'm not too sure.
Sephiroth: Another force is somewhere nearby.
Kefka: Don't worry. We'll be safe soon!
*Mamiya appears*
Mamiya: We'll see!
Squall: We don't have time for this! *cuts Mamiya in half*
Mamiya: Curses! *teleports away*
*footsteps are heard at the bottom of the staircase*
Edward: What now?
*Galloway runs up the stairs*
Galloway: Finally! *gasps* Are you guys...*gasps*...all right? *gasps*
Sephiroth: We're ok.
Galloway: *sees Weiila-still tied up-in Sephiroth's arms* And her?
Vivi: She's okay, too.
*Magus appears*
Magus: Seek me at the top of the tower! *teleports away*
Cloud: After him!
*everyone runs after Magus*

*At the top of the tower*
Magus: Fools! Prepare to die!
Galloway: Not so fast!
Magus: What?
Galloway: Release us now, or...
Magus: Or what?!
Galloway: Or I'll have to stop you in some stupid fashion!
Magus: Go ahead and try!
Galloway: *begins to chant around a Summon Materia*
Magus: Hah! Like some little summon can harm me!
*a red van appears on the rooftop. Mr. T steps out*
Mr. T: Now what do you want, foo'?
Galloway: *points at Magus* This man has attempted to kill us...*points at Vivi*...and this small child. He must be stopped.
Magus: *gulp*
Mr. T: *grabs Magus and throws him Helluva far*
Magus: *falls neatly into Weiila's room*
Galloway: Yes!
Mr. T: Gotta go, foo'! *drives off*

Galloway: Poor Magus. Before this happened, Weiila was about to tell him that she wasn't going to include him in any more crossovers. Unfortunately for him, he's going to be tortured for a long time to come. *goes to sleep*


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