My Last Breath
My Last Breath
I always wanted to tell you something. Something that I would not dare say in
front of anyone but you. I've wanted to say it from the first time I set eyes on
you, but to be honest... I was afraid.
What if you didn't feel the same?
It was your eyes that got me. Those gorgeous blue eyes, tinted with the vivid green
that mako often brings.They were so bright, that I could stare into them forever, get
lost in those brilliant azure pools. But you hardly ever looked at me. Hardly spared
me a glance, unless you really had to. Maybe you were just shy. Or maybe I wasn't
really on your mind. After all, we were trying to save the world. It's hard to make
space for anything else.
When we made it into the reactor, you just stayed as cool as ever, not even batting
an eye lid as we were ambushed by guards. But I guess that's what comes with being
a SOLDIER. I wasn't told what you were. Maybe Barret didn't think it really mattered
that much. Well, it did to me. How could something so amazing come from something
so terrible. Something as destructive as the Shinra. I just couldn't believe it. What if you
were still working for them? What if you were planning on ratting us out to them? I tried
to believe that you hated them, but it was hard, you know? After all, my parents had
been killed by the Shinra... I couldn't trust anything related to them.
I tried to distance myself from you then. I was afraid of getting close, then being betrayed.
I couldn't bear to be hurt again. So I kept as far away as I could, even if it was only a few
paces. But I still longed to have you near... longed to have you hold me and prove me wrong.
But you did no such thing. I know we'd only just met, but was it really that much to hope for
someone to care? I'd missed out on having someone care for me, almost half of my life.
I didn't want to stay that way forever.
Once we reached the Reactors core, I decided to stay behind. I wanted to have a little time
alone. It had been a long time since I'd felt like this. A long time since a guy made my heart
beat faster and my breath grow erratic. I remember the last time. When Biggs and I had been
meeting at the train station. We were young then, but almost in love. I say almost, because
there was always a little doubt. It was small, but it was there. And in time, it grew. So much,
that we drifted apart. The excitement left and boredom slipped in. We ended it, but stayed
close, united in our eagerness to save the world.
I watched your retreating back as you slowly climbed down the ladder, taking care not to miss a
step and fall. I couldn't help but stare, hoping that you'd keep safe and return. I was confused.I
wanted you to go, so I could think, but I also wanted you to stay, to provide comfort.
I wanted to get out, wanted to get some fresh air.
I was trapped. If I left, then I couldn't help provide support for the group. If I stayed, I'd just
grow more restless.
A few silent minutes passed, as I continued to wait, continued to keep watch for a glimpse of
your golden hair. You'd been down there for a long time. Perhaps too long.
Then, from nowhere, an alarm rose , announcing that it was time to leave. I tried to rise from
my crouched position, but I couldn't move. My foot was caught in the grate and it wouldn't budge.
No matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn't pull free. I continued to struggle, desperate to release
myself from the reactors steely grasp.
I was about to give up. About to let myself be caught, like a bird in its cage.
But you came. You saved me from a terrible fate. You could never know how glad I was to see
you emerge from the centre and pull me to safety. You released my foot and allowed me to pass,
keeping close behind as we escaped from the metal monstrosity. You even pulled me up once I fell,
carrying me away from the path of destruction. That was when I knew. Knew that I loved you.
It was stupid, I know. Falling in love with someone I'd met only the day before. But it felt so right.
So right in my heart.
People often say that you shouldn't always listen to your heart. That your head was most reliable.
But where's the fun in only listening to your mind. I wanted to live dangerously and listen to my
heart. I remember when you made your sudden entrance in the train that night, bursting through
the door. I was so relieved to see you again. The others were all saying that maybe you'd died.
I almost snapped right then, but you proved them wrong when you jumped in. It was funny how
black your face was. I suppose riding on top of a train does that to you. But when I was wiping
your face, I felt like I was so close, but so far. I was almost right against you, but not.
It took all of my strength to step away then. I would have liked nothing more than to just wrap
my arms around your neck and thrust my lips against yours. Who knows, maybe you'd respond.
But I never found out, because it was that same doubt that prevented me from trying. But what
if I had... I wonder what would have happened then? Would we be an item? Or would we keep
it all hush-hush? The possibilities were endless.
Later that night, Barret had asked me to make everyone some fake ID's, ones that would go
unnoticed when passing through the ckecking system on the trains. I know I should have been
more careful, but I wanted to make yours special. I wanted it to be perfect.Maybe it would
impress you, stun you into thinking that I was the one for you. But I guess you just didn't notice.
After all, I don't think you even looked at it. Perhaps you trusted me enough...? I don't know.
Well, all my hard work went to pot though. Turned out that I'd tripped up somewhere. Put
a fault in the identification system. When that alarm went off, I couldn't believe it. I was so
ashamed. I was sure you'd be so angry with me.
But you weren't. You just acted like you didn't know, and I was grateful for that. You didn't
hate me for blowing the operation. I was so overcome with emotion that I just ran away. It
may have seemed sudden, but I didn't want you to see me cry. You may have thought me
weak, and I didn't want you to. Stupid, I know, but it's all that keeps me going. To show
people that I can handle all the pain, all the upset. That I can be strong and make it through
You didn't return from the mission. Barret came in with a sombre look and Tifa was in tears.
I looked behind them to see you walk through te door, but you weren't there. Why weren't
you there? I ran to Tifa and began shaking her.
" Where's Cloud? What's happened to Cloud?"
All she did was sob uncontrollably, providing me with no answer. So I turned to Barret,
and he just looked at me with pity. He told me you'd fallen. Fallen from a high edge and
landed in the slums below. I was frantic. Were you.... were you dead? I wouldn't allow
myself to accept it. You couldn't be dead. You couldn't die! I ran to the bathroom and
locked myself in. Once I'd finished, I turned around and leant against the door. I remember
sliding down to the floor, bitter tears stinging my eyes. I then began to cry. For the first
time in years, I cried. And once I'd started, I couldn't stop. You'd died. You'd left me so
early. We'd hardly had time to sit down and talk. You'd didn't give me a chance to explain
I spent the next few days, merely haunting the hideout. I didn't speak. I hardly moved. I
only ate when I really needed to. Everyone tried to help, but I was inconsolable. If they
even touched me, I'd be on the verge of tears. Apart from when my parents died, it
was the worst period in my life. Tifa had gone to the Wallmarket to meet with Don Corneo,
some old playboy, with some information we desperately needed. She was almost as upset
as I was, but she managed to pull herself together for the good of AVALANCHE. I
admired her in that respect, and I tried to sort myself out too. I recovered slowly.
Then SHINRA came. The Turks stormed the sector, headed up the support pillar for the
plate above. AVALANCHE sprung into action, and we all headed after the bastards.
They'd taken you away from me. I wasn't going to let them take my home too. So we
climbed. There were hundreds of minions, all attacking whoever attempted to retaliate.
We'd almost reached the top before one sneaked up behind me and slashed me across the
back. It then plugged a few bullets into my back before heading after the others. They had hardly
noticed me fall against the railing and lean over the edge. I stayed like that for what seemed a
lifetime, gasping from the pain. It was so immense, I was overwhelmed by how much it hurt.
I was so close to dying, when you came. You just appeared from below and pulled me into
your arms. t may not have looked like it, but I was so happy to see you. You weren't dead after
all. I knew you'd pull through. You were strong...
Tifa stood behind you as you pushed a strand of hair from my face. You were so close, and I
could feel your breath against my skin. You were saying something but I could hardly hear.
There was a strange buzzing in my head. I closed my eyes and then whispered to you.
" ...Cloud... I'm glad...... I could talk with you... one last time."
" Is that so...."
Those three words burned me. It was then I knew that you didn't feel the same way. I was dying,
but you simply acted as though we were back in the hideout, having a drink or two. I was
stunned. I thought you loved me too, but it was all a lie. I had built this whole belief that we
were meant to be together, and then you tore it down, with just one sentence. I chuckled,
before coughing heavily. The blood went all over your top, as I slowly strung a sentence together.
"...Is... that so......? Ha...... cool...... as usual... ex-... SOLDIER. ...always...
I liked that... in you..."
And then you left, you ran away to the top of the structure leaving me to die lonely. I never
wanted to be lonely. I just wanted to be loved. But you ran away.....
With my last breath, I whispered your name, before I closed my eyes and was swallowed