The Naar Saga Part 3
The Naar Saga part 32: Jailbreak
Wil regained conciousness to find himself inside a big, dark, empty jail cell. After slowly rising to his feet, he looked around desperately for his equipment, but to his dismay, it was twenty feet away from the outside of the cell, taunting him.
Cursing, he rose his hands and used the "Fetch" spell, but it didn't work; the bars were magically enchanted, as to block any attempts to cast spells on them. He was stuck in the cell, whether he liked it or not.
Just then, he saw that he had a cell mate: the hero.
The hero rose to his feet, barely fazed by whatever had knocked them out. "Let me guess," he said, "we're trapped in a jail cell." Wil's reply was a simple nod.
"All right," said the hero. "STAND CLEAR!" He grabbed Wil, picked him up over his head, and tossed him into the corner. Fortunately, it didn't kill the guy.
The hero then backed up slowly, until he was all the way across from the door. Then, with a quick shout, he charged head-on into the door. The force of the impact broke the whole row of bars into bite-size pieces.
Several Vordaks dashed into the area, but the shards ripped through nearly all of them, tearing them apart. And the few that survived where incinerated by Wil's Firaga spell. Rather than wait for another barrage, they grabbed their equipment and jumped out a window.
They fell twenty feet into a pool of water occupied by flesh-eating pirahnas, but somehow, they made it through without so much as a scratch.
The only thing was, they weren't in any familiar place. The hero thought that they had been taken to North Dakota, but instead, the place was full of vibrant trees and wildlife. Suddenly, the place they just escaped from dissapeared entirely, leaving nothing more than a vast ocean in its wake.
They certainly weren't in Kansas anymore.
MEANWHILE, IN A CAVE SOMEWHERE...
*the witch Hagatha is looking into her crystal ball*
Father: Yes, sister Hagatha. I have a request for you.
Hagatha: I'm trying to finish the last one you gave me, but all right.
Father: Two foolish heroes have recently entered our realm, on a quest of sorts.
Hagatha: What kind of quest?
Father: The kind that involves sticking your neck out to save a world from destruction.
Hagatha: And what have I to do with their necks?
Father: Quite simple, my dear- sever them!
THE END OF PART 32
Now THIS is the saga that never ends!
Hagatha: Can you guess what game I'm from?
The Naar Saga part 33: The King's Quest
"Okay," said Wil, as he admired the large amounts of palm trees and coconuts that laid across the beach. "We're in some far-off place, with no idea where we are, how we got here, or why we even came here. Any ideas on what to do?"
The hero adjusted his armor slightly. "No idea," he said as he slipped his helmet on, "but we just can't stand around. We have to learn as much as we can about this place. After all, it probably wasn't blind luck that got us here."
Wil just looked at the hero. He began to plot many ways to kill the big guy off, but dismissed the ideas for the time being. "Well," he said, motioning to a nearby forest, "why don't we start there?"
The forest was barely populated at all. Besides for the huge number of trees, nothing was at all unusual. Oh, and a few squirrels were getting eating by groundhogs, but that's pretty natural in old forests like this.
Suddenly, something small and shiny caught Wil's eye. It was a few gold coins hidden under a tree. With no other ideas, he decided to investigate closer, as well as fill his empty money pouch.
But just as he stepped within an inch of the coins, the ground shot up from under him. He found himself being suspended from a rope. The coins were a damn trap! The hero began to laugh momentarily, but when he came to help, he felt a knife poke into his side.
"Woohoo!" said a high-pitched voice from behind. "What a haul!" From behind the hero emerged a dwarf, with a long white beard, blue clothing, and a pointy knife. He rose the weapon in his hands, looking in the direction of Wil.
"I feel like a little target practice today."
Unfortunately, he forgot that the hero was nearby. He simply punted the dwarf back several miles into the forest. He then cut Wil from the rope and searched the ground.
Just then, another man entered the area. He was tall, like the hero, but not as muscular. He wore a red tunic, blue leggings, and a blue cap with a feather in it. Sheathed at his side was a brilliant sword with a small, clear crystal in the hilt.
"Excuse me," he said, in a very polite manner, "but I'm a bit lost. Can you direct me to the town."
Wil and the hero looked at each other, then turned back to the man. "We're lost ourselves," said Wil. "Who are you?"
The man didn't respond, but bent over to pick up the gold. When he grabbed it, though, it turned out to be nothing more than shiny lead. "Why, this is fool's gold!"
The hero was now laughing harder than ever, while Wil felt even more embarrased. "But," said Wil, gathering the nerve to speak, "who are you?"
The man stopped laughing. "I am King Graham, of Daventry."
THE END OF PART 33
Galloway: *holds his hands at his waist* BEHOLD! I AM D GALLOWAY, KNOWER OF UNKNOWN GAMES, LIKER OF UNLIKED THINGS, MASTER OF THE UNMASTERFUL!
Weiila: *sighs heavily* God, I'm glad that I'm not related to him.
The Naar Saga part 34: The Plot Thickens...
Kari slowly regained conciousness. She was still lying down, but this time, she was on a rather soft bed. The room was small and sparsely decorated, with unpainted wooden walls, a small table in the center, another bed to the side, and a small desk between the two beds with an oil lamp on it.
There was no sign of her mystery rescuer. Then she heard what sounded like a fight coming from downstairs. Followed by someone being punched through a window. Which was then followed by some crazy music and a whole punch of punches and kicks. Minutes later, everything was silent.
A loud voice boomed, "Okay, Saturday Night Drunken Brawl is over. Get to your homes, wash up, and please don't drink and ride."
Suddenly, the door to the room opened with a crash. The man from before walked in, drunker than anyone could possibly imagine. He swayed over to the other bed, jumped in, and just fell asleep.
Kari was slightly repulsed by the man, but she realized that he HAD saved her, and that was all that mattered right now. Besides, she just needed to figure out where she was, and get the heck out of here.
Val and the Lost Vikings continued their trek, until they fell down yet another deep pit.
"Damn!" said Erik. "How many pits are there in this world?!"
"Erik, shut up," said Val. "Just keep an eye out for Tomator and Tyrant."
Like always, Tyrant jumped into the pit just as the words left her mouth...
Xavier and the others continued down the muddy path to who-knows-where...that is, until they fell into a deep cavern...
Galloway and the others prepared to head deeper into Naar's dungeon, but Lone Wolf intervened. "Galloway, Mox will be back, and unless you get some actual training, you'll be killed. We're returning to the Heaven World; just you, me, and Pooh."
He then turned to Colin. "I want you to go gather your people. There will soon be a massive battle; we'll need all the help we can get."
With that, Lone Wolf, Galloway, and Pooh dissapeared. Colin, meanwhile, exited the dungeon, took out his cell, and called his second-in-command.
Falchin began to stir. The first thing he heard when he awoke was his sister saying, "We have much to talk about."
THE END OF PART 34
Weiila: NOOOOOO!!! THIS WILL BE BAD!!!!!
Galloway: Calm! *casts calm on Weiila*
The Naar Saga part 35: The Training Begins...
"Okay," said Galloway, as he followed Lone Wolf into the Kai Monastery, "what the hell's this training about again? All I need is some damn sunlight and-"
"Don't be foolish," responded Lone Wolf. "Do you think Naar would leave his weakness lying out in the open? He would never allow you to get near the Sommerswerd's source of power. Furthermore, the sword Mox used was no ordinary weapon. It was created by Naar himself, and is therefore infused with his dark power. You cannot hope to win unless you throw aside your reliance on the Sommerswerd."
"So," said Galloway, "this isn't going to be all about 'Kai Disciplines', right?"
Lone Wolf sighed. "The whole regiment isn't known to you at this time. All I know is that it's completely different from what I've done before. Just get ready for a lot of blood, sweat and tears."
"And what about Pooh?" The little bear was still absorbed in his honey pots.
"He'll recieve his own training," said Lone Wolf, a smile on his face.
Sub-Zero got the rest of his group up and looked around their new surroundings. It was a dimly-lit cavern, complete with an iron mesh wall in the middle of the far, circular room.
A horrific screech filled the area. It sounded almost...female...
Val raised the Gungnir, causing Tyrant to fall on it. However, it wasn't done yet. It simply jerked the spear free from Val's grip, pulled it out of its skin, then smashed it to pieces before vaporizing it.
Now things were REALLY bad...
Naar just sat there, playing solitaire. Nothing else to do, anyway.
THE END OF PART 35
THIS IS TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!
The Naar Saga part 36: The Door of Destiny
The hero, Graham, and Wil continued their long march throughout the forest. There wasn't much around, really; an evil wizard that randomly appeared, that pesky little dwarf, and a brief meeting with characters that were pulled out of a bunch of fairy tales.
Finally, they came across an old, rotting, wooden bridge. Since bridges always lead in the right direction, they decided to make their way to the other side. Fortunately, nobody fell over into the very deep chasm below.
Finally, they reached what looked like a dead-end. A long cliffside towered over them, making it impossible to continue. However, some rocks were arranged into a strange pattern, seemingly indicating a path.
With Graham in the lead, they followed them to a strange rock slab. When they got close, the slab changed into a face!
With nothing better to try, Graham said, "Um, excuse me, but dost though know where I can reach a quartz tower, on a small island, where a beautiful woman is being held?" Of course, this was plain stupid; even if it had a face, a rock couldn't talk...
"I am the Door of Destiny." Then again, maybe it can.
Weiila: HOLD IT!
Weiila: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NARRATOR DOING?!
Galloway: Well, the last one was gunned down in Vegas, so I got the narrator from QFG4.
Narrator: Can we please continue?
Weiila: *sigh* Fine.
(we now return to our regularly scheduled program)
The door continued to speak. "I am sought by many, found by few, and opened by none, for only once can I be opened. And in order for me to open, the person must bring to me something."
"Yes!" shouted Graham, excited that his adventure might be over so quickly. "Anything!"
"Bring me the Stones of Nature."
Wil was dumbfounded. "The Stones of Nature?"
The door rumbled briefly, then continued. "The Stones of Nature are the cycle of life. The Water Gem represents birth, the Air Gem represents growth, and the Earth Gem represents death. You must find these stones and bring them here."
"Can you at least give us a hint?" asked the hero.
The door rumbled again:
"The Water Gem, in water deep,
Although not the kind that you can drink.
The Air Gem, in the sky,
Can only be reached if you can fly.
The Earth Gem, in castle deep,
Across the river of death, it sleeps."
"Is that satisfactory?" asked the door. Graham nodded, and the door changed again. This time, it was a flat stone slab with three deep holes.
Now how did that poem go again?
THE END OF PART 36
Weiila: This new narrator sucks.
Galloway: Uh, I wouldn't say that...
Narrator: Suddenly, a Necrotaur attacks Weiila!
*a Necrotaur attacks Weiila*
Weiila: AAAAAAAAAAHHH *runs away*
Galloway: *sighs, then chases after the Necrotaur*
The Naar Saga part 37: The Third General
The small group finally reached the inside of the dark cave. Casting their eyes around, they saw nothing but a round room with some rusty metal bars in the center. Then they saw that the entrance had just suddenly dissapeared.
Then they saw something begin to rise slowly out of the ground. It looked like a cross between a bat, an alien, and a skinned gargoyle. Its skin was a mixture of a stained yellow and blood-red, its eyes deep and fixating. The entire room seemed to be flooded with a sudden burst of evil.
No wonder Naar had chosen this for his third general.
The creature let out a long screech, and several Pyramid Heads suddenly appeared out of the darkness. They marched forward, their blood-stained, rusted spears raised, ready to skewer the fools that dared to challange their master: Samael.
Everyone began to fight against the Pyramid Heads, but it was a useless gesture; they were too powerful and too well-organized to even be fazed by such a desperate attack. Samael just hovered nearby, cackling with glee.
Then it happened. Xavier jumped over the head of a pyramid head and approached the dark angel. However, Samael was prepared. A lightning bolt suddenly blasted from the angel, sending Xavier flying back into the battle.
However, it wasn't the end. The alchemist made his way back. When Samael tried to attack again, Xavier dodged and countered with an attack of his own. The angel was unfazed.
Things continued like this for some time. Then Xavier came up with a plan. Raising his staff, he dodged another lightning bolt and let a ball of energy fly loose.
When it hit Samael, the god was turned into a worm, which Xavier quickly stepped on.
Without their master's dark powers, the Pyramid Heads exploded, showering blood and gore onto everyone and everything. The battle was won (although not in the cleanest of fashions).
THE END OF PART 37
Boy, that was quick!
The Naar Saga part 38: The Corniest Fight Ever
About three minutes into training, a random messenger appeared in the Courtyard, a small message in hand. He handed it to Lone Wolf, then promptly walked out the back.
Lone Wolf read the message, then turned to Galloway. "Apparantly, we've been invited to participate in the Heavens Combat Tournament. Of course, this WOULD be good training for you, so..."
But Galloway, with Pooh tucked under his arm, was already running out of the courtyard. If DBZ taught him anything, it was that getting beat up in a tournament is an excellent way to increase Battle Power.
The tournament was actually being held inside the Monestary itself, so Galloway and Pooh had to make their way BACK there after running practically all the way to the other side of the heavens. Every single God, Goddess, and Immortal Being that had anything to do with battle was there. And then, there were Galloway and Pooh, who had no immortality in them (except for Pooh's immortal cuteness).
(AFTER MANY BATTLES:)
Lone Wolf beat Odin with ease, while Hercules was crushed by Lenneth. Jehova was supposed to fight Pooh, but had to perform an emergency miracle, and Pooh won by default.
Finally, Galloway emerged to battle his opponent: a can of baked beans, which was apparantly the God of Flatulence. Strangely, everyone cowered before the beans.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!" laughed the beans, in a squeky tone, "my foolish opponent will soon be gone!" With that, the top of the can opened.
"SPECIAL BEAN CANNON!" shouted the can. A flush of brown liquid squirted from on top. Galloway just barely dodged the deadly blast, which destroyed the ground he was standing on barely seconds before.
The can jumped forward and said, "BEAN CHARGE!" The whole can's weight pushed Galloway to the ground and back a few feet. It then prepared for another Special Bean Cannon, but soon learned of a small problem: Galloway was already behind it.
Soon, the can was sailing into the air. Galloway flew up and delivered a final strong kick, which sent the can flying out of the Monestary. Cheers erupted from everywhere as the can was defeated, for nobody dared to face the can before.
And so, the tournament continued...
THE END OF PART 38
Galloway: At last!
Galloway: I've found the perfect pick-up line! No woman can resist this!
Weiila: Yeah, right.
Galloway: *ahem* Hi, I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo-dog come by wearing my t-shirt.
Weiila: Kiss me, you wild savage!
The Naar Saga part 39: Sibling Love
Falchin finally awoke. He could once again feel the heavy black armor against his skin, his eternal curse continuing to weigh down on him. He guessed that it had been at least a few days since Mox knocked him unconcious, but he had no way to be sure.
The sound of footsteps caught his attention. He turned to see his sister, Meliah, approaching him. Her pregnancy was showing quite heavily. Falchin, however, didn't care much for that; all he wanted to know was what had happened.
"Dear brother," said Meliah, "I trust that you've found that your wounds are healing?"
"Meliah," said Falchin, "when the hell did you learn how to speak like that? The last I remembered, you were so full of angst that nobody wanted to even get close to you, even me!"
"Well," said Meliah, calmly, "having a baby changes a lot of things, now doesn't it? But, why are you wearing father's armor?"
Falchin explained about what had happened when the Black Pentagram was destroyed. Meliah just listened intently, especially since she was still fairly mellowed-out from everything.
"So," concluded Falchin, "I guess that's it."
Meliah sighed heavily. "Brother, there is something I have to tell you. It's not going to be easy to accept or even understand, but you must try."
Falchin continued his typical coolness. "Shoot."
Meliah turned away slightly, her eyes tearing up. "The child...is yours."
Falchin was dumbfounded, then confused, then tired, then confused again. "What kind of fucking crap is this, Meliah?! That kid can't be mine!"
"Father was responsible for it, I think," she said. "A few days before Galloway and his friends showed up, I was in my room, drinking fruit punch and cussing at the shadows on the wall. Then one of them grabbed me and dragged me towards your room. I feel unconcious shortly afterwards. When I awoke, I was naked and cold in the middle of my room."
Falchin was back to dumbfounded. "DAMN YOU, FATHER! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"
Naar sat and thought about many things. But most of all, he needed another attack plan. Then it came to him.
His army would begin their stand with the Land of Balding Men soon, but Mox had duties elsewhere. Specifically, it was dealing with Galloway and his group. And he knew how to deal with those ninjas, as well...
THE END OF PART 38
Nothing to see in this neck of the woods.
The Naar Saga part 40: The Most Twisted Plan in Existance
GALLO-NOTE: THE TOURNAMENT WENT BAD, SO WE HAD TO SKIP THE REST OF IT. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: LONE WOLF BEAT LENNETH, GALLOWAY BEAT POOH, AND LONE WOLF BEAT GALLOWAY. NATURALLY, THIS RAISED ALL OUR POWER LEVELS, EVEN POOH (WHO WENT FROM -1000 TO -999). ANYWAY, LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK.
Chris, RAX, and the Eternal Champion went to the past, where they picked up the valiant heroes that slayed the dark angel Samael. They then picked up the drunk Dawson and the sober Kari. And finally, they went off to the tower of the Eternal Champion, where they began their training.
Weiila and co. went with Colin back to Canada, where they met with Colin's army of balding men. They then boarded a train to Cleveland, where they met with Drew Carey and his count, Ryan Stiles. As they were the biggest allies of Colin, they would indeed be helpful.
"Okay," said Lone Wolf as they were cleaning up the courtyard, "you were good, but you still need training. Also, I sensed that a great dissaster will befall your friends, and they'll need help."
"Um, why is this coming up now?" asked Galloway. "Are you just adding a sense of urgency here?"
Lone Wolf sighed. "I think I know of a way to help them now. It's a long shot, but it just might work."
They grabbed Pooh, who was still mending to his broken stuffed leg, and headed into Heaven Labs, inc. There every single scientist, chemist, and psychologist worked on various thing that are really cool.
"Galloway," said Lone Wolf, motioning to a tall, dark-haired scientist, "this is Dr. Loco. I think he can help us."
Dr. Loco showed them into a huge room in the back of the lab. Inside was a small army of scientists huddled around hoards of computers that were linked to a large, square-shaped device on the back wall.
"This is our Dimensional Portal that Links to Alternate Worlds, patent pending," said Dr. Loco. "We can input your name into the computer, use a search to find an alternate you with the same alignment, power level, and stats as you, and bring them here to help."
"Sounds crazy," said Galloway, "but I guess it's worth a shot."
The sound of typing and computers reached a deafening level. Soon, only one name of Galloway's alternate forms was on the listo-screen.
"Okay," said Dr. Loco, "let's get this baby going!"
The square-shaped device began to hum loudly. Soon electric bolts began to pass between the two ends, followed by the entire inside of the device glowing blue. Soon, a shape began to form inside the blue; a human shape.
Then it passed through.
The person looked a lot like Galloway; same hair color, same height, same muscle mass (almost none). However, there was one noticible difference:
IT WAS A GIRL!
THE END OF PART 40
Weiila: That was pathetic! And twisted!
Galloway: SHUT IT!
The Naar Saga part 41: The Alternate Galloway
The female version of Galloway walked through the portal into the lab. She simply looked around in complete confusion, especially since she was still wearing some nightclothes and black slippers (which were the real Galloway's sleeping attire).
"Where...where am I?" she said, more than a bit of anger in her voice. When nobody answered, she simply rose her hand and, to everyone's further surprise, fired an energy blast! The attack collided with one of the computers, blowing it to bits.
"NOW TELL ME!" she commanded. "WHERE THE HELL AM I?!"
Now everyone was too eager to answer. After listining to them babble on for a few minutes, another blast was fired, blowing up another computer.
"I can't believe I'm being this freaking nice!" she continued, her rage growing. "ANSWER NOW, OR I WILL RIP YOUR HEADS OFF, KICK THEM AROUND LIKE SOCCER BALLS, AND SPIT INTO YOUR NECKS!"
Just when it seemed hopeless, the female Galloway's eyes lowered. She saw Pooh, who was too busy eating his honey to notice anything else. Her eyes suddenly lit up.
"POOH!" she screamed, pouncing onto the little yellow stuffed bear while squeezing the very life out of it in a loving hug. The bear was still too absorbed in eating the sweet sticky substance known as honey to notice what was going on.
Everyone just fainted at that point.
After the alternate Galloway had mellowed out enough, they began to discuss what had happened. Apparantly the alternate version of Galloway's school was having the traditional "pajama day" when they beamed the female Galloway into the lab. Also, she liked Pooh. A lot. Galloway was just glad that Weiila wasn't here at the moment.
Finally, after many hours of talking, it was time to get some sleep. Because tommorrow, the REAL training would begin.
Wil, the hero, and Graham reached the beach, where a beautiful mermaid was sitting on the rocks. Graham, being the nice guy that he is, offered her a comb he had gotten from a swindler in the town. The mermaid took the comb with great joy, then handed the king a small pendant.
She then dived into the sea and kissed all three of the heroes, right before pulling them into the water...
THE END OF PART 41
Galloway: Sheesh, Weiila, calm down.
The Naar Saga part 42: Fall of the Tyrant
Val and the Lost Vikings continued their nearly endless battle against the Tyrabt at every turn, with Tomator appearing once any couple minutes. Finally, they reached Tomator's ship.
"Thank Odin!" shouted Val. "This living hell is almost over!"
"Let's just get out of here now, okay?" said Erik. "I can't stand those people looking at us."
"What people?" asked Olaf.
"THOSE PEOPLE!" shouted Erik, pointing in the distance.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" everyone shouted, as they ran far, far away.
Many levels later, they finally reached the end of Tomator's ship. And, like always, they met the big green guy, along with the lump of rotting flesh known as Tyrant.
"At last!" shouted Tomator, triumph in his voice. "I can rid myself of you pesky vikings once and for all!" The Tyrant let out a usual roar and a growl, before slowly stalking forward.
"Uh, how the hell are we supposed to win this thing?" asked Val, her voice full of hesitation and panic.
Just then, Galloway teleported into the spaceship. In his hands was a very big box labeled "Build your own Rail Cannon with things found around an Evil Space Emperor's Mothership! Point away from the face."
"JUST SET THIS DAMN THING UP!" shouted Galloway. "I HAVE TO GET BACK TO TRAINING!" With that, he dissapeared.
Since the Tyrant moves about six feet an hour, and Tomator was still too busy laughing his big green ass off, Val and the Vikings were able to set the Rail Cannon up easily. Soon their big gun of destruction was all ready.
"Rail Cannon entering auto-charge mode," said a computer voice, in the usual "campy B-movie-style" of the Resident Evil games. After about five minutes, the damn cannon was ready, and not a moment too soon; Tyrant was now right in front of it.
The computer began its final countdown. "5...4...3...2...1..."
The blast ripped straight into Tyrant, ripping the monstrosity apart. Black blood soaked the ground around it. Soon, only the upper torso and one arm was left. Unfortunately, those parts of the creature began to crawl forward.
Tomator was laughing too hard to notice anything that was going on. Val finally pulled out Gungnir and drove it straight into the evil Tyrant's brain. The creature squirmed and lashed out in death throes, then layed still.
Finally, Tomator stopped laughing. He looked at what had happened. "NO! YOU WILL PAY, YOU LOUSY VIKINGS!"
However, Baleog launched a fire arrow into Tomator, lowering his shield. Erik dashed forward and stunned Tomator, then jumped up and hit the switch for the hatch, which opened.
Both Tomator and the remains of the Tyrant were launched into space, never to be seen again (until the next game, that is).
A portal suddenly opened. Val said her good-byes to the Vikings, and stepped through.
Naar was now REALLY pissed. However, Mox was still around...he could still win...
THE END OF PART 42
Galloway: Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated "AAAARRGH!"
Weiila: Enough with the overused jokes!
The Naar Saga part 43: Many Adventures to go...
Graham, Wil, and the hero struggled frantically against the incredibly strong mer-woman's grip, but they were in vain. Soon, they were all pulled into the ocean.
However, when they finally stopped flailing around like an impaled chipmunk long enough to realize what was going on, they found that they were breathing perfectly! Somehow, the mermaid's kiss had allowed them to breath water!
The mermaid swam off, then came right back with three large seahorses. Realizing that things could only get wierder from here, they mounted their "steads", which immediately took them to some kind of underwater city.
Two guards, each armed with a long, pointy spear, took them into a long throne room. At the end of the room was a tall, strong, old merman. The fact that he radiated a noble presence, had the respect of everyone in this room, and that he was SITTING ON THE FREAKING THRONE indicated that this could be no other than King Neptune, the leader of the mer-people.
Neptune bowed to the three, and they followed in suit. "Welcome to our land, travellers," said Neptune. "Tell me, what is your purpose here?" They began to talk, but only a single bubble came out of their mouths. Neptune immediately popped the three strange spherical thingies into two halves, and amazingly, they maintained their shape! Instinctively, they put one half onto an ear and the other half onto their mouth.
NEEDLESSLY LONG SCENE SUMMARRY: Graham wants the Water Gem. Neptune will give him the gem if he can get back the Trident that was stolen by the Merpeople's neighbors, the Sharkees. So Graham went and got back the Trident from the Sharkee King. He got the Water Gem, and a big feast was held. Neptune told them where to find the Gems of Air (in "as high a place as this is low") and Earth (in the dark castle of the former lord of Kolyma, Count Calduar). They then returned to the dryland.
The three returned to town to get an idea about what to do. Then they saw that the Antiques shop was now open. Realizing that if this happens, then there must be something important inside, they entered.
The shop was in a complete state of dissaray, with wares strewn here and there haphazardly. The shopkeeper herself wasn't exactly that good-looking herself, either; she had obviously made it several decades beyond her life expectancy.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
"Do you sell anything that can help me ascend a mountain?" asked Graham.
The shopkeeper sighed. "I don't sell mountain climbing equipment, but I do have something that might help." She motioned to an old arabain oil lamp that happened to be right next to her. "This old thing is said to contain a genie! Haven't tried it myself, though. I don't believe in using magic to solve my problems."
"Well, then," said Wil, "can we have it?"
"Why, of course," said the shopkeeper. "However...there is a small favor I must ask of you first."
Somehow, they knew she was going to say that.
"That old witch, Hagatha, stole my pet nightengale. If you can get it back, I'll give this lamp to you."
Graham let out a heavy sigh. "All right. I'll get your nightengale back."
(ONE RESCUE MISSION LATER...)
Graham handed the caged nightengale to the shopkeeper, who immediately began to fuss over it endlessly.
"Take the lamp!" she said. "It's yours!" With that, she dashed with the nightengale into the back of the shop. It looked like a happy ending...Then they heard the shopkeeper talking.
"At last! The final ingredient for the youth potion is mine! I'll beat you to the punch this time, Hagatha!"
With that sickening thought, they grabbed the lamp and left.
Once a safe distance from the town, Graham finally pulled out the lamp. "Let's see how badly we were screwed over." He then began to rub the lamp fiercely.
However, soon blue smoke began to rise from the lamp. It then began to take shape...into a note!
Shocked, everyone read the paper. It said that the genie that had resided in the lamp before was freed by his last master, and told that a secret room in the antique shop contained a useful item. It was signed, "Ni'Bor Si'Ma'Will".
THE END OF PART 43
Galloway: Whew! That was hard to write!
The Naar Saga part 44: A Night with...um...Myself...
NOTE: AS MUCH AS THIS TITLE HINTS AT PLENTY OF SMUTTY STUFF, THERE WILL BE NONE OF THE LIKE. YOU PERBS CAN GET YOUR PORN SOMEWHERE ELSE. WITH THAT, ON WITH THE FIC!
After about twenty minutes of arguing, which included about ten minutes of energy blasts, everyone finally decided on sleeping arrangements. Lone Wolf would return to the Kai Monastery, where he would squeeze in some last-minute training before bed. Dr. Loco would go read some porn and fall asleep in a hidden lab somewhere. The rest of his staff would go to their small shanties for some shut-eye.
And finally, both Galloways and Pooh got stuck with a small living room-esque simulation with a fold-out couch, a sleeping bag, and a large-screen TV.
Things couldn't get worse...
After everyone was finally ready (well, the female Galloway was already dressed for the occassion), it came time to decide who slept where. It quickly degenerated into a rock-paper-scissors match. Pooh was beaten in the first round, leaving him with the sleeping bag. Unfortunately, both of the Galloways apparantly had the same random strategy, as they kept going back and forth for about fourty minutes.
Finally, when Pooh decided that he would have to go through some drastic measures to get any sleep, he gave them each a small teaspoon of honey. Amazingly, the sticky substance calmed them all down, and Galloway fell into a drug-like trance and fell off the couch-bed, thus netting him the floor.
Finally, everyone began to get some sleep...
Galloway's nightmares began again. Only this time, they were much greater in verocity. They were getting worse every time he slept. He also began to imagine about who that mysterious shadow was. Was it Naar? Mox? Some random minion they hadn't met yet?
Then he heard a small moaning coming from the couch-bed. He recognized the sound as being similar to the ones he had when waking up from the nightmare. Obviously, the girl was having the same problems. However, instead of inquiring about it, and risking another barrage of energy beams, Galloway wisely chose to keep his mouth shut.
Pooh was muttering something, too. It sounded like "Piglet...oh, Piglet...", but Galloway didn't care.
A spear suddenly flew through the window and into Drew Carey's throne room. It embedded itself just inches away from where Colin was currently sitting while sharing a nice glass of water with Drew and Ryan. Upon closer examination, it was revealed to contain a note:
"I am Yakuza, the leader of the Yang Order. I have heard of you, Sensei of the Light Order. I wish to end this rivalry tonight. Try to eliminate me by infiltrating my castle. Refuse to do so, and I will kill every single one of you tommorrow morning. Fail, and you'll all die anyway. Succeed...and die at the hands of Naar."
With no other option, Sensei picked up the crudely-drawn map leading to Yakuza's castle. Grabbing Gemini by the arm, he left.
THE END OF PART 44
Weiila: Oooh...forshadowing good...
Galloway: The narrator got to you again, didn't he?
Narrator: Please don't blame people for doing their job.
The Naar Saga part 45: Witches, etc.
Graham, Wil, and the hero returned to the Antique Shop, only to find that the shopkeeper was still busy in the back on whatever evil concotion she was thinking of. Graham accidently hit a small switch by a suit of armor, which caused a trap door to rise up. Naturally, they went down the dark, dusty stairs, closing the door behind them.
The basement was filled with gold, jewelry, and various other valuable thingies that would make your average person scream in greed. However, everyone's eyes turned toward a note that was lying in plain site on an old desk; after all, everything worth mentioning is written on a note.
The note said something about the shopkeeper, who was apparantly named "Angelina", being accepted into the society of witches, warlocks, and general no-good-doers. It also mentioned something about a nightengale and a "youth potion". After realizing that nothing else was important here, they continued to search the room.
The treasure was tempting, but strangely, the thing that REALLY caught their attention was an old, red, rolled-up carpet in the corner, gathering dust. When they checked out a small tag on the side, it said:
Magic Carpet: Guaranteed to fly without problems for 150 miles or your money back! Property of Al' Din.
Graham grabbed the carpet and prepared to take everyone out of the shop, but stopped when a voice was heard upstairs.
"At last!" It was definately Angelina. "The finished Youth Potion is mine! All I have to do now is drink it..."
Then, as if on que, a door slammed, followed by heavy footsteps. "Angelina!" shouted a shrill, croaking voice. "Show yourself, you scurvy wretch!"
"Hagatha, dear! What a pleasant surp-"
"Don't play dumb with me! I know you stole it!"
"Stole? Really, Hagatha I have no idea-"
"For your lies and deciet, there can be only one conciquence."
"No! Please! I can explain-"
"Silence! Oh, and one more thing..."
The entire building shaked with the force of a massive explosion.
"...your invintation to join us is revoked! What's this? HA! The Youth Potion!"
Then the sound of slipping fingers came down as Hagatha said, "Oh no!" A small vial filled with a strange blue liquid fell through a tiny hole and into a pile of straw!
"Drat!" said Hagatha. "Now what was that spell for removing floorboards...I'll have to go and look it up!" With that, she walked back out the door.
Graham grabbed the Youth Potion, pushed the trap door opened, led everyone out, closed the trap door, and ran as far away from the town as possible.
THE END OF PART 45
Weiila: *actually says nothing*
The Naar Saga part 46: Super Ninja Action!
After travelling by train, plane, and automobile for about an hour, Sensei and Gemini reached the hidden castle of the Yang Order. Naturally, some ninjas were working as guards, but since they were evil ninjas, they were easily snuck by and knocked out through a few kicks.
After hiding the bodies in the bushes, they took a better look at the castle. It was really more of a mansion, only with six floors. Japanese sliding doors were at the front and back, Ying-Yangs were painted onto the walls, and lights were on all over the place. A few ninja sentries were on the roof, armed with what appeared to be Night Vision Binoculars.
Sensei pulled out a small flash bomb, took aim at the roof, and threw it straight at the guards. The flash itself was actually small enough and quiet enough to not attract the guard's attention inside, but the light it emitted caused the Night Vision Binocs to overload, blinding the guards for a brief amount of time. The two good ninjas dashed to the back door while the guards were flailing around.
A few more ninjas were here and there, each one armed with a ninja sword, a long stick, a ball-and-chain, or nunchukas. The inside was also well-lit, save for a handful of corners that were too few and far between to be of any use. Realizing that the first floor was too well-guarded to be of any possible entrance, they attached some climbing-thingies and scaled up to the second floor.
The first thing they saw was, strangely enough, an empty room. After jumping through the window, they realized why it was empty; a very big dog was inside. After a brief struggle, they knocked the dog out using either their advanced ninja techs or a broom.
After their brief encounter with the canine world, the two ninjas continued their quest. The next hallway was only lightly guarded, so they did what came naturally; they took out the guards using shurikens and knives. They then continued up to the third floor.
And this happened for several more floors, with ninjas dying and stairs being climbed. Finally, they reached the sixth floor, which consisted primarily of a small waiting room and a door leading into another room. There were, naturally, ninjas guarding the door. However, there was also a non-ninja in here. It was a kid, no more than 17, with a long black trenchcoat, black clothing, and two shiny steel blades attached to his arms. He spoke slightly with the guards, but Sensei and Gemini couldn't hear it right.
Finally, the guy left, leaving the ninja guards unprotected. They were soon all dead at the hands of the two good guy ninjas. They then broke down the door, as it was the last place to look.
Inside was none other than Yakuza himself. He was rather tall, around 6'3". His whole body was a finely tuned ninjitsu machine, perfect for any kind of mission. His hair was completely black, and came down in a ponytail in the back. If it wasn't for the wrinkles, he could pass off as being in his thirties. He wore a black shirt with a Ying-Yang on it, a pair of black pants, and some black sneakers...for sneaking!
Now the battle for ninja supremecy would begin.
THE END OF PART 46
Galloway: I told you I could do an entire chapter without dialogue. Now hand it over.
Weiila: *mumbles and gives Galloway five bucks*
The Naar Saga part 47: The Fall of a Master
Sensei immediately jumped into a B-movie-esque ninja stance, while Gemini struggled to unfasten his Nunchukas. Yakuza just stood there, his back towards the two. In fact, they all stood there, not daring to make the first move.
Finally, Yakuza twirled around and threw about eight shurikens at his targets. They jumped out of the way, but the evil ninja had already made his way to where Gemini was about to land and roundhoused him straight in the side of the face. The young ninja fell to the ground, nearly unconcious.
Sensei, however, was still in perfect shape. He pulled out a knife he had tucked away for just such an occasion and threw it. Yakuza didn't even have to dodge it; he wasn't aiming at him.
The knife ricochet off the wall and towards Yakuza. He dodged, but was nonetheless scratched by the attack. Sensei immediately jumped forward with a powerful jump kick, knocking Yakuza onto the ninja balcony.
Gemini, meanwhile, regained his senses enough to stand. He barely dodged a shuriken that was meant for Sensei, but was scratched by another. Realizing that his nunchukas weren't going to cut it, he searched for another weapon. Finally, he found the perfect one for him.
Just as the ninja battle began to reach the roof in true ninja fashion, Gemini pulled a massive spear off the wall. It looked familiar, but that didn't matter at the moment. He ran out to the balcony to join his master.
Sensei had followed Yakuza onto the roof, but in his rush he had forgotten about the small army of guards that were also up there. Soon Yakuza was standing back as his loyal minions began their attack on the old ninja master.
Finally, Gemini reached the roof, spear in hand. Once again, a ninja battle began. Finally, after nearly ten minutes of grooling combat, the two good ninjas were victorious over Yakuza's Yang Order Ninjas.
This did not sit well with Yakuza. Pulling a knife out of his sleeve, he prepared to make his final stand. Of course, Sensei had his shurikens, and Gemini had a freaking huge spear, so he was obviously outmatched.
Then he gave it a throw. Sensei tried to dodge, but the deadly blade imbedded itself in his leg, making it impossible for him to even continue to fight. Gemini yearned to help his master, but he had to deal with Yakuza first.
The evil ninja had already pulled out another knife, but was caught off-guard by Gemini's amazingly fast attack, which knocked the knife out of his hand and onto the ground. Frustrated, Yakuza immediately delivered a strong punch to Gemini's chest, sending him doubling over. This was followed by a kick to the chin, knocking the young ninja back. However, despite his pain, he flipped back onto his feet.
Yakuza leaped into the air, prepared to finish Gemini off. However, Gemini then recalled something his brother had used on him once...it was a wierd attack, very DBZ-ish, and usually not worthy of the ninja, but he had no choice. He couldn't survive any other way. He just hoped he had it right.
Yakuza rapidly descended, slamming his foot straight into the roof, but Gemini had already twisted aside. Cursing, Yakuza prepared to throw some kind of knife at him, but Gemini was ready.
An explosion of light filled the area, completely blinding Yakuza. The evil ninja struggled to see what was happening, but Gemini quickly gave him a kick straight into the air. Grabbing the spear, he took aim and threw it.
It went straight through Yakuza's chest, carrying him to the top of a tree, where it imbedded him. The evil ninja struggled for a bit, then died.
Gemini went to his master, only to find him near death. The smell of the wound soon revealed everything; the knife was laced with Black Lotus poison. Sensei would be dead in a matter of minutes.
"My student," said the old man with his last few breaths, "you have finally surpassed me. I am so proud of you. Now, go. Destroy Naar."
With that, the world lost the great ninja master Sensei.
THE END OF PART 47
Gemini: GRAH! I'LL KILL YOU, BROTHER!
Galloway: Okay, I'm sorry I mentioned you and DBZ in the same sentence! Just stop!
The Naar Saga part 48: Chance Meeting
Gemini picked up Sensei's body and made his way down the wall. He then threw a small firebomb, which blew the entire castle apart. Man, forget about WMD's; deal with small ninja weaponry!
Gemini found a shovel amongst the ruins and dug a grave for his fallen master. When it was finally done, he reverantly picked up Sensei's lifeless body and lowered it into the hole. At last, it was over.
He climbed up the tree where Yakuza had been imbedded. He found his corpse still up there, with the spear still sticking through his chest.
Grabbing the weapon, he pulled it out. However, he used so much strength in pulling it out that the momentum caused him to fall straight out of the tree, bashing his head against the branches as he tumbled downward. Finally, he landed onto the ground.
Then he saw the armor-wearing woman that was standing above him. And she wasn't a happy camper.
"Gungnir!" she shouted. "I lost that damn spear five minutes after getting back here! Why the fuck do YOU have it?!"
Naturally, it was Val. And she was pissed off beyond reason.
After a brief battle, she finally calmed down, grabbed Gungnir, and began to huggle it. "Oh, my precious Gungnir. I'll never let you leave my side again!"
After trading their stories about what had happened, they decided to return to Colin and Drew to plan the next move.
When they arrived, Colin presented them with a note. "It came from Weiila's room."
The note read:
I have kidnapped the girl. I am going to torture her. Um, did I say that right? This is my first time doing this. Man, master Mox doesn't pay me enough for this. I like beans, don't you?
After Graham had used the carpet and obtained the Air Gem, Wil, the hero, and the king left for Kolyma's church. Inside, they found a monk, absorbed in prayer. After picking up a strange riddle from the bible, they knelt down and prayed beside the monk. He stood up when they were done.
"Brother," said Graham, "I depart for a place of great evil. Although my quest is noble and true, I need your blessing to allow me to triumph over the evil."
The monk responded by handing him a small crucifix. "Take this, my child."
Everyone was surprised. "I thought monks couldn't talk," said Wil.
"Well," responded the monk, "this is a very...unique church."
They left after that, but when they reached the crossroads, a pair of wolves darted out of the forest. Everyone prepared for battle, but the wolves simply ran past them and towards the church. Turning around, they found the wolves approaching the monk. Just as a word of warning was about to be raised, however, the monk knelt and patted their heads!
"No, not yet, my brothers," said the monk. "We will let him destroy the count first. Then we shall strike him down. And if he fails? Then we'll finish the task we ourselves began..." His voice began to deepen sharply. "...many...years...ago..."
The monk looked up at the moon. It was out in full. That's when they saw the pair of fangs in the monk's mouth. Naturally, the three heroes turned and left.
"One thing's for sure," said Graham. "I am NOT getting married in that church!"
THE END OF PART 48
Weiila: *is kidnapped*
The Naar Saga part 49: Weiila's Great Escape
Weiila found herself trapped inside a large cage, just like the one Chainsaw had used. The aformentioned madman's tools of the trade were still lying around, as well. Could it be chainsaw?
However, when the toruturer walked in, it was anything but the muscle-bound psycopath. Instead, it was a 17-year-old with a black trenchcoat, black clothing, and two long metal blades. He was also carrying what appeared to be a notepad and pencil.
"Hello," he said, "and welcome to Master Mox's Painful Room of Absolute Terror. I'm Blade, and I'll be your torturer for today."
Even as he raised the notepad, a thousand thoughts raced through Weiila's mind, but most of them related to how dorky the guy looked. And Blade? That name is completely overused! OF course, she WAS at his mercy, so she would have to play along for the moment.
"Okay," continued Blade, "we have the following specials today. I reccommend the Water Tank, but we also have amputation, the Rack, old Pokemon episodes, and Spicy Chicken Wings." Weiila, shocked at the horrible methods of torture these were, failed to notice that Chicken Wings was the last thing.
"Your silence amuses me, girl. For that, you shall get the 'Special Surprise'." He then dashed out of the room and straight back in, carrying a plate full of spinach. "Eat every single last leaf of this stuff."
Weiila then remembered what spinach did during the fight with Falchin. Grabbing the stuff, she closed her eyes and shoved it in. Soon the crazy music began to play.
Finally after a few minutes, Weiila got up and bent the bars of the cage. Blade dashed forward to attack her, but got the living crap beaten out of him with only one body blow from Weiila. She jumped out the nearby window and escaped.
Blade cursed his misfortune. His prey had escaped. Master Mox would be royally pissed off. And not only that, but he got beat up by a girl!
He had to forget that last part.
THE END OF PART 49
Weiila: So, are we gonna get paid soon?
The Naar Saga part 50: The Castle...OF DOOM!
Graham and co. continued their quest. After getting back some chicken soup that the dwarf had taken from the little girl Possum, as well as discovering that he had taken several gold coins from Daventry's Magic Chest, they visited Possum's grandmother, where they gave her the soup. She then gave Graham a heavy black cloak and a ruby ring, telling them that the story behind them was too sad to tell. And I just saved two chapters! Go me!
As they walked past Hagatha's cave, Wil said to Graham, "This place is the wierdest place I've ever been to. Can anything else happen?"
Just then, a wierd music began to play. A black car, with a jet engine on the back, rocketed past them, then back into the cave, then back and forth before finally stopping.
"Does THAT answer your question?" asked Graham.
Finally, they reached the dark swamp. "I'll go in alone," said Graham. "You guys stay here." The king then set off into the poisonous mire.
Finally, he reached a poisonous lake. A lone boat sat on the edge, and a castle could be seen looming in the distance. However, on the boat was a hulking being in a long black cloak, carrying a scythe. Graham bribed him with a gold coin, and the boatman took him across.
After barely making it through poisonous thorns, Graham reached the castle gates, which were guarded by two ghosts. Thinking fast, he put on the cloak, and the ghosts departed, as if in reverence. He then used the crucifix on the door, and it opened.
The castle interior was faded with age. Dust lined the stone walls and floor, the tapestries and furniture were filled with cobwebs and mildew, and rats frolicked to and fro. Graham explored several rooms, but it wasn't until he reached the dark basement that he discovered something important.
Inside the small room was a large, black coffin. Removing his cloak, Graham lifted the lid cautiously. Inside he found none other than the Earth Gem! At last, his quest was almost over!
But just as he turned to leave, a new figure entered the room. It was a tall, pale man, dressed in a cloak just like Graham's. His eyes were as red as blood, their gaze seemingly piercing into Graham's very soul.
"Ah, good King Graham," said the man, "I am Count Caldaur, lord of Kolyma. You will not leave this room...alive." Then, with superhuman strength and agility, the count grabbed Graham by the neck and pinned him against the wall. His fangs soon began to descend in his mouth, ready for the kill.
Instinctively, Graham pulled out the crucifix, but Caldaur grabbed the item and, to his surprise, kissed it! "God bless Kolyma," he said, just before pocketing the item. Graham stuggled one last time, and the ring fell out of his pocket.
The count's eyes flashed at the ring, then angrily back at Graham. "Where did you get this?"
"From the old woman...in the house...by the sea...She was sick...I got her some food...She...she is close to death..."
"Do you think I don't know that?!" shouted the count. "Night is the most dangerous time for my mortal family. I keep watch over them always, waiting for her time so that we can be together again."
"I think that...this will be...that night..."
Thoughts seemed to race through the count's mind. Finally, he dropped Graham and teleported out of the room. Graham then realized that he no longer had the crucifix, and couldn't get out the door, so he climbed out a window.
He was almost down when a flurry of bats flew by him. Instinctively, he tried to brush them away, but he lost his grip and fell off the wall. Soon everything went black.
THE END OF PART 50
Galloway: Now THIS is a neverending saga!
Last part. I promise. Or is it? Only sage Galloway knows...