...Would you turn Away?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is dedicated to my man Randy.
I'm alone with her…finally.
It's strange to be around her now. I once loved her, a long time ago…a lifetime ago. But we went on our own paths, to our own destinies, never expecting to meet again.
But we did.
And even though I was now in love with Aeris, now in love with that guardian of the planet, something about Tifa always stood out…maybe it was her determination to fight ShinRa no matter what, or maybe it was her courageous spirit. Maybe, it was the fact that she stood by me when Aeris died, and tried to cheer me up, to comfort me in her own hardshelled way.
And now, what are we? Just two friends…sitting together on a cliff edge beneath the Highwind, watching the sun lose the struggle for control of the sky to the moon again, just like every night, now and into ad infinitium.
But why am I unhappy?
Why do I feel like I am missing out on something, something possibly important and good?…
Do I want…more with this girl? This girl, who has probably become my best friend since we first met again, after all those years, in a bar?
On a wild impulse, I glance over at her, just sitting there with her arms wrapped around her legs, her long black hair blown limply in the wind, as she stares dispassionately at the rising moon. Without looking, she reaches up towards her face with her hand, and uses one of her slender fingers to brush a stray stand of hair out of her eyes and tuck it behind her ear. I blush slightly, and turn away before she notices that I am looking at her…
She's not Aeris, I know that. Tifa does not wear her heart on her sleeve, bearing it for the whole world to see. Nor is Tifa overly sweet…never the first to ask if something is wrong, or if there is something she can do to make them feel better, like Aeris was…
But yet…there is something about Tifa, just something I can't quite put into words.
I am so confused, so lost. Am I still in love Aeris, or am I beginning to fall back in love…with Tifa?
I don't know I don't know I don't know
Is it possible to love two people, is it possible to care so deeply about two people, that it is impossible to choose one's heart over the other?
I wish someone would just take me aside, and tell me that yes, this is the girl you love. I wish someone would point me in the right direction, just tell my what is the right choice, who I should be with.
But I know that that isn't gonna happen.
Aeris is dead and gone forever. I know that. Although I could not accept that at the time, although I plead for her to somehow still be alive, and that this was all just a dream…I finally accepted the truth. Yet I still loved her, even though she was now only a ghost, wondering the Planet aimlessly, probably still trying to find the Promised Land that she always talked about. Probably just trying to find peace…
But Tifa…Tifa is here, here with me now. She brought me back from the brink of losing it all, just giving up and dying, when I fell into the Lifestream. And over time…she started to mean more and more to me. A friend, a partner, and slowly, eventually, even a confidant for me.
Yet…I know I lost my chance with her after that night at the well. When I left Neibelheim to join SOLDIER, to become a great warrior to impress her, I instinctively knew that at the moment that I left, I had lost all hope of being able to ever win her heart, to be able to make her smile, and to KNOW that I was the reason why…
We parted ways, and over the years we both changed, from little, bumbling kids into strong, cold adults. After spending all this time with her, I know now that she would never date me, not in a million years, not even if I begged her to.
I love her.
Funny, isn't it, how in just a flash, just in a moment of harsh insight, you can decide that you love someone? How that with barely a thought, you can suddenly kill the qualm in your heart, and come up with one single, answer that should have been obvious from the beginning. It is funny…
So, even if I can never have her, even if she will never give me a single backwards glance, I don't care.
I have this special moment with her.
I wish time itself would stop, forever.
If I said I loved you...