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Final Fantasy

-Fanfic Type-
Serious (Reality Based)

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- Cast - (in order of appearance)
Narrater - Bill Roper
Locke Cole - Himself
Gau - Himself
Board of Health Official - Simon Tarsis
Edgar Figaro - Himself
Celes Chere - Herself
Police Officer #1 - Brian Williams
Insurance Agent - Robert Gifford
Sabin Figaro - Himself
Doctor Lugae - Himself
Unemployment Clerk - James Taff
Police Officer #2 - Rebecca Long
Ultros - Himself
Soldier who raises hand at meeting - Kyle Fredsen
Richard Simmons - Himself
James Earl Jones - Himself
Jackie Chan's Agent - Jonathan Shuler
Gwar - Themselves
Bill Ranford - Himself
The Duck in the Corner - The Duck on the Hood of the Car
Snarf - Himself
Terra Branford - Herself
Cyan Garamonde - Himself
John - Chris Latta
Jokey Smurf - Himself
Brainy Smurf - Himself
Ugly Smurf - Himself
Insideout Smurf - Himself
Papa Smurf - Himself
Rocket Control Soldier - Peter Cullen
Setzer Gabbiani - Himself
Mog - Himself
Umaro - Himself
Hand of DooM Communications Officer - Danny Delk
Fred, the Gunner - Krug Partinov
Charles Valroth - Charles Faraone
Rene Gaudin - Himself
Also Starring Jay Wilbur - Head Lawyer
Tiger Woods - Golfer #1
Julia Childs - Chef
Arnold Palmer - Golfer #2
Richard Nixon - Dead Soldier
Drugy Smurf - Himself


Original Idea - Cody Faraone

Director - Charles Faraone

Writing-Part One - Cody Faraone

Writing-Part Two - Cody Faraone, Charles Faraone

Writing-Part Three - Cody Faraone, Charles Faraone

Writing-Part Four - Charles Faraone


Music - John Williams, Nobuo Uematsu, Robert Prince III

Digital Effects - Industrial Light and Magic

Matte Artists - Relm Arrowny, Ralph McQuarrie

Foley recording - Charles Faraone Ninja Expert - J.J.


Credits for the remastered

"Rise of Locke's Mafia"

Digital Remastering - THX, a division of Lucas Digital.

Voice of Jabba the Hutt - Howard Stern (Imitating Newt Gingrich's Mother)

All Around Cool 3D Stuff - John Carmack

The Art To Go With It - Adrian Carmack (No relation to above)


Nuclear Fusion Cannon provided by the French Government.

Windows 95 appears curtesy of Uncle Bill and the Microsoft Corp.

-- Hand of God Rip-Offs

Number 0 -"Do you have a pen and paper? Are you writing this down?"
Calvin & Hobbes, Revenge of the Babysat

Number 1 -"No one can EVER defeat me!"
Final Fantasy IV

Number 2 -"I already do."
Wing Commander IV

Number 3 -"This pile of rubble...etc."
The Transformers, Mini-series #1: More Then Meets the Eye

Number 4 -"Locke Cole's First Strike"
Jackie Chan's First Strike

Number 5-"Snarf control box"
Transmogrifier, Calvin and Hobbes

Number 6-"Locke's favorite decoration"
Return of the Jedi

Number 7-"Join me, we can rule...etc."
Empire Strikes Back

Number 8-"Please, listen to me. That jerk Locke...etc."

Number 9-"The Shuttle Scene"
Return of the Jedi

Number 10-"Wait! I've always wanted to do this!"
Ghost Busters

Number 11-"It all comes down to this."
The Zork series

Soundtrack available soon.

No animals were harmed during the making of this film. All scenes in which the animals appeared were filmed under the supervision of the A.S.P.C.A.

(We can get away with saying that because we don't consider Smurfs animals.)

The producers wish to extend their gratitude to the following:

The Government of Figaro
The New Doman Government
The Imperial Navy
The Towns of Nikeah, Tzen, Albrook, Miranda & South Figaro
Winnibago Industries
The Xerox Corp.
iD Software
And last but certainly not least: Our parents, without whom this story would have been difficult to write.

This is entirely a work of fiction. Any similarities between these characters and any real persons, alive or dead, is purely intentional.

This film is protected by an ancient egyptian curse. Any tampering or illegal copying may lead to Mumm-Ra, The Ever-Living paying you a visit.

Filmed in 16-bit colour.

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