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The Reaver Saga
by d_Galloway

The Reaver Saga part 1: The Quest Begins

Galloway woke up to find himself tied to a chair, facing three shadowy figures. To his side was two Valkyries, armed with a sword in one hand and a spear in the other. Galloway's eyes darted around anxiously. "Where the hell am I?" he shouted.

"You are back in the Heaven World," said one of the shadowy figures. "We understand that you now have the Soul Reaver bound to your arm. It is our intention to have it removed."

"Really?" asked Galloway. "Then why am I tied to a chair?"

"I understand your anxiety," said another figure, "but these things are delicate. That's why we had the Valkyries retrieve you from the mortal realm while you were asleep. We also retrieved your armor, so you can change afterwards."

"Okay..." said Galloway. He frantically began to move his fingers in various positions. "Well, I suppose I could...JUGGLING LIGHTS!"

Three lights danced over Galloway's head, illuminating the whole room. Finally, Galloway could see the three shadowy figures: Kai, Odin, and Raiden.

"Damn it," said Odin, "I told you we should have used the magic-draining ropes!"

"Shut up, okay?" said Raiden. "Now, we want the Reaver to be removed as quickly as possible. However..."

"I knew it!" said Galloway. "There's always a catch, isn't there? Okay, what'll it be?"

"It's just..." said Kai, "...we cannot remove the Reaver here." Galloway would have fainted if he wasn't tied to the chair.

"The Reaver, we believe, originated in an area called the 'Dark Side of the Universe'," said Odin. "It's a virtually unknown sector of the multiverse. We can tell you of a few of the outlaying worlds, but beyond that, even we Gods do not know about what dwells there."

"This is very dangerous," said Raiden. "That is why we will require you to hire a Spirit Guide. We had the Valkyries go through your wallet while you were asleep, and we hired the best Spirit Guide we could afford. Now, get your armor on, go back to Earth and get your ship ready. Also bring along one other person of your choosing." Galloway sighed, threw his armor on, and dissapeared in a flash of light.


Galloway ran to the Flying Bunker, only to find a bunch of suited thugs standing in front. "Mr. Galloway?" said one of the men.

"Yeah," said Galloway. "What do you want?"

"We're from the Federal Aviation Agency," said the suited thug. "We've done some testing on your 'Flying Bunker', and until our results are conclusive, we cannot allow it to fly. Now, please leave." He then pressed a button, and Galloway fell through a trap door and into the sewer.

After crawling through sludge for a while, Galloway went to the old hanger on the abandoned side of RPG Town. He pressed a few buttons, and one of the hanger doors opened.

"Damn it, Gallo," said a voice, "what's going on?" Galloway looked at Weiila, who looked like she had gone through a shell storm. Her hair was a mess, her clothes didn't even remotely match, and her glasses were on crooked.

"Sorry to bother you," said Galloway, "but we're going on another little adventure."

"Oh no!" said Weiila. "I'm not going at 12:30 in the morning on another hair-brained adventure to save the universe! I'm NOT a morning person!"

"Whatever," said Galloway. "You're the only one I'd trust with this mission. We have to go to the most dangerous part of the multiverse in order to get rid of the Soul Reaver."

"So this is more of a personal mission?" snapped Weiila. "You woke up my whole damn family for this? Go by yourself already!"

"Weiila," said Galloway, "if you don't go with me, I'll give Star...the pictures."

Weiila's half-closed eyes suddenly sprang open. "The pictures? No, anything but that!"

"If you don't want your kitty to see them," said Galloway, "then come with me. I have a ship in the back of the hanger. Let's get going." He then dragged Weiila into the hanger.

In the back was a large, grey ship. It looked a bit like two femurs slapped together, with spikes at the end of each one. "I bought this off some guy about a year ago," said Galloway. "He was a lousy drunk, so I actually got a good deal."

"Whatever," said Weiila. "Just get me to a bed already." Galloway sighed, then dragged her on board. Waiting on the man deck was a large crate, as well as a big crowbar. Galloway threw Weiila onto a nearby cot, then pulled some switches. With a tremendous roar, the ship lifted off, taking down the whole hanger with it.

Galloway: What adventures await us at the Dark Side of the Universe? Who knows? Then again, who cares?!

The Reaver Saga part 2: The Abandoned Ship

Weiila slowly came back to conciousness, took one look around, and collapsed again. She was awakened when a bit of turbulance shook the whole ship.

She rose from the bed, and found herself in a large bedroom-like area. Her bed was little more than a matress and a sheet, and the only other furniture was a table, a chair, and a large bookshelf.

She walked to a strange wall panel, which slid open instantly. She stepped through, only to find herself staring at a wierd hallway. The walls were blue, and seemed to be covered with wierd shapes. The floor was simple metal, the kind usually found on interplanetary spaceships.

She walked through a bunch of wierd doors, until she found Galloway staring out a large window. Strangely, there was nothing out there but stars. Which meant...

"GALLO!" she shouted. Galloway turned around, crowbar raised.

"How nice to see you awake," he said. "Well, we're on our way."


Galloway sighed, then shouted, "Calm!" Weiila suddenly relaxed and sighed.

"All right," she said, "I'll just go along...until I can find a way to escape."

"Actually," said a voice from within the large crate, "if you try to escape right now, your heart will explode, your brain would disintegrate, and you'll be nothing more than a heap of blood and guts."

Weiila looked dumbly at the crate. "Okay," she said, "who's in the box?"

"I don't know, really," said Galloway. "The label on the side read 'Heavenly Discount Spirit Guides', so I guess it's the guide." He then stuck the crowbar into the side of the box and pried it open.

The whole thing collapsed, revealing a small red robot. Its head was a gumball machine with a small, bird-like mouth, its arms were slinkies with plastic hands, and instead of legs, it had a small, inner tube-like device that was softly humming. They both looked on in dumbfounded horror.

"What's everyone staring at?" asked the robot. "Haven't you seen a spirit guide before?"

"Uh, you're a small robot," said Weiila.

"Of course I am!" said the robot. "Tom Servo, at your service!"

"I had no idea robots had souls," said Galloway.

"Well, actually, I'm not dead," said Servo. "I'm just acting like it so I could get the job. It doesn't pay too well, but has an excellent health and benefits plan."

"How many benefits does a robot need?" asked Weiila. Tom snarled, then jumped onto her. Galloway watched as the robot somehow managed to overtake Weiila and pin her to the ground.

Suddenly, the ship began to shake violently. Galloway checked out the window, but didn't see anything. "Come on, you moron!" said Servo. "Look out the other window! Open Hexfield!" A nearby hexagonal shutter opened, revealing a large spaceship that had ran into the ship.

Galloway turned on a nearby radio, only to hear several bloody screams and shouts for help, followed by an eerie silence. "Something's on that ship," said Galloway. "That means only one thing..."

"Run like hell!" said Servo.

"No!" shouted Galloway. "We go on board and check it out! For all we know, it might have something important on board!" Weiila didn't even bother saying anything; she just threw Tom off of her and grabbed her whip.


They crossed through a small connection-tube thingy onto the other ship. Like the radio, everything was completely quiet. However, after about five seconds, a scream echoed throughout the ship, followed by a loud splash. Galloway then turned on the flashlight mounted on his pistol, and saw a line of blood heading towards a nearby room.

Everyone slowly snuck to the door. Weiila tried the nearby switch, but it didn't work; it seemed like the power was out. Galloway then kicked the door in, sending it flying onto the ground.

The room was probably a sleeping area once, but was now soaked with blood. Several bodies, seemingly human in race, were lying all over, torn apart in many places, a look of fear frozen on their faces for all eternity.

"Man," said Servo, "what the hell went through here?"

"I have no idea," said Galloway, "but we should probably get out of here-"

Suddenly, several monsterous creatures dropped down from the ceiling. They were large and completely black, with skeletal bodies and large, long heads. They opened their mouths, letting out a loud hiss. Barbed, tentacled-like tongues flicked in and out of their mouths. Galloway sighed, raised his pistol, and killed them all with a few bullets.

They ran back to the entrance, only to see a bunch of slime blocking their way. Galloway tried to cut his way through, but their was no affect. "We have no choice," said Weiila. "We have to find another way out."

Galloway: Nothing to see here, folks. Move along, folks, move along.

The Reaver Saga part 3: Adding Puzzle to the Pieces

"What the hell is going on here?" asked Weiila, scanning the entire hallway with her flashlight-whip. "One minute, we're floating around in space, and the next, we're trapped in a ship of blood and death!"

"You get used to it eventually," said Servo. "Man, with the number of aliens and monsters I had to face back in the day, I should be dead a thousand times over!"

"Weiila," said Galloway, "I don't mean to insult your judgement, but that flashlight-whip of yours is the dumbest thing ever. A whip by itself is perfectly fine, but if you try to snap that whip, you'll simply blind yourself with the light, leaving you wide open."

"Better than any wimpy pistol," said Weiila. "Besides, I thought you were a Saiyan. Why do you need a pistol to begin with?"

"I just like guns," said Galloway. "Now, be quiet or I'll splatter your brains all over the place!"

A bunch of aliens suddenly sprang from the ventilation shafts and dropped from the ceiling. Galloway raised and fired his pistol a couple dozen shots, killing the aliens. Weiila did try her whip, but the light blinded her, so she tore the flashlight off the whip.

"This doesn't look good," said Galloway. "These freaks seem to be all over the place. We should just duck into the nearest room and pray to God." They then ran into the next room and locked the door.

When they finally calmed down enough to examine the room, they found that it consisted of a large generator and an enormous, high-tech computer. Galloway flipped on the generator, causing the entire area to light up. He then took the batteries out of his flashlight and put them back in his walkman.

"Hey," said Servo, "this big computer might have some info. Maybe we should check it out."

Galloway began to click and type, until he finally kicked the computer in disgust. Weiila then pressed one button, and the entire machine began to work.

"Exploration Ship X-F1, Department of Universal Knowledge Data Bank," said a computer-like voice. Voice databank damaged. Automatic playback of most recent entry."

A bunch of text began to scroll down the computer screen. "Captain's Log, number 51," read Galloway. "The so-called 'Dark Side of the Universe' is no longer completely unknown. We have documented many different planets for the first time in our good planet's history. However, I am a bit disturbed about our other orders. We grabbed a specimin off one of the worlds, but I cannot help but feel wrong about taking such a young specimin. We're holding it inside the Cryogenic Chamber, but I'm worried about those wierd boxes we got...I keep hearing a loud hi-"

"There's nothing else," said Galloway. "I guess whatever did this got the captain, too."


A shadowy figure sat on a large throne, drinking something out of a wine goblet. A soldier-like man entered the room and saluted.

"Sir," he said, "we have eliminated the threat. We have bugged the cameras if you wish to see it yourself." He then wheeled in a TV screen, which showed a bunch of different rooms.

Suddenly, the TV showed Galloway, Weiila and Servo examining the computer. The figure held up his hand, and the camera stopped. "Zoom in on the man," he said, in a deep, harsh voice.

The camera zoomed in on Galloway, until it revealed his face. "At last," said the voice. The one with the Reaver has appeared. Now, let's see how he fares..."

Galloway: Remember kids, don't do drugs, or we'll make you watch a thousand commercials involving frying eggs and using them as metaphors for your brain on drugs!

The Reaver Saga part 4: Zerg Rush

Galloway continued to browse through the computer, until he came across a map of the ship. "We need to get off of this piece of crap as quickly as possible," said Galloway. "According to the map, the Cryogenic Chamber and bridge are close to each other, so we should hit those specific targets first."

"That's nice," said Weiila, "but how the hell do we do THAT?!"

"Easy!" said Servo. "We run through, screaming and panicing like little school girls, until something falls from the ceiling and kills us."

"Or," said Galloway, "we just walk five backwards. The back door to this room leads right to the bridge area." Everyone turned around, and saw another door. Sighing, they stepped through. Sure enough, the flickering lights revealed two doors. One said "Cryogenic Chamber" and the other read "Bridge".

"Weiila," said Galloway, "you and Servo check out the bridge. I'll check out the Cryogenic Chamber." He then stepped through the Cryogenic Chamber doors before Weiila and Servo could argue.


The Cryogenic Chamber was colder than a walk-in fridge; cold as a gun. Several empty tubes adorned both sides of the room, as well as one occupied one. Galloway couldn't make out what was inside, but didn't care; it might have some information on the Reaver.

He pressed a few buttons on a control panel by the occupied tube. It slid down, as a single figure dropped out. Galloway flashed his light onto the figure, and was surprised to find a young human girl.


Weiila and Servo opened the doors to the bridge, only to be shocked by what was inside. Dead, cocooned bodies were scattered all over, many of them showing the same shocked expressions that they had found on the other corpses. Some were still clutching large, laser-like guns, while others had been torn to tiny shreds.

"What the hell is going on here?" asked Weiila.

Suddenly, as if in response, the aliens dropped down from the ceiling and popped out of the air vents. Weiila and Servo tried to run, but more aliens quickly blocked their way.

Galloway ran back into the hallway and began to fire rounds into the aliens like crazy. However, for every one he killed, ten more seemed to show up. Soon, he was out of ammo. He holstered the gun and ran right into the crowds of aliens, while Weiila and Servo tried desperately to hold off the ones coming from the bridge.

Suddenly, alien parts went flying around. Weiila and Servo turned, and saw Galloway, standing on a pile of alien goo, wielding the Reaver. The aliens hissed and snarled, but suddenly ran off.

"I guess we did it!" shouted Galloway. Then he heard a crackling sound, followed by some smoke. He looked down, and saw that his shoes were on fire. He jumped around like a maniac, then lept right back into the Cryogenics Chamber, where his feet finally cooled down.

"Damn alien blood!" he shouted. "The stuff's like acid!"

"Okay, now," said Servo, floating calmly over the piles of blood and goo, "we've got that problem done with, except..."

"What now?" asked Galloway.

"Well, what did they run away from?" asked Servo. "They looked paniced long before you used that flaming sword-thingy."

"You don't think..." began Weiila, but a loud rumbling confirmed their fears. An enormous alien, with an armored head and body, smashed through the wall and charged towards the group.

Galloway: Weiila, I need sixty bucks for a new pair of shoes. Got anything?
Weiila: I can give you a nickel I found at a bus stop.
Galloway: It's a start!

The Reaver Saga part 5: The Journey Truly Begins

Galloway powered up to Super Saiyan and charged at the monster, only to get slammed aside with one claw. Weiila tried to cast Holy, but lost her concentration when she jumped around in pain after getting struck by acid blood. Servo just hovered there, screaming, before finally getting batted away.

"Very good, my pet," said a dark voice. A far set of doors opened, and a man, dressed in black and silver clothing and wearing black shades, entered the hallway. He approached the monster and began to pet it; it hissed softly in response.

Suddenly, Galloway smashed back through the wall, still in SSJ form. "Who the hell are you?" he asked.

The man looked in horror at Galloway. "I created a way AROUND the SSJ power," he gasped. "How is it that he's still alive?" Galloway suddenly realized why he was beaten in one hit, and powered back down.

"There is more to this Saiyan scum than meets the eye," said the man, now grinning. "Quertyl, finish him off." The monster turned and snarled at Galloway, then charged.

Galloway quickly summoned the Reaver and raised it to face level. "Come on, ugly!" he shouted. "Your mother was a cockroach!"

The monster's snarling rose to a crescendo. Galloway had obviously pissed it off. It lept at its target, only to watch it roll out of the way, jump in from befind, and slam it into the ground using the Reaver.

The man just stared on blankly. "What the hell is this Saiyan?" he gasped.

Quertyl began to return to its feet, only to get uppercutted into the air by Galloway. He then jumped up to the monster's level and repeatedly slashed it, then blew it away with an energy blast. The monster rose again, but Galloway teleported close to it and uppercutted it back again.

This time, it went flying through the bridge and into the window. It smashed through, creating an enormous vacuum. The door to the bridge closed just as the bodies inside were blown out, along with the alien, which promtly exploded.

"My pet!" shouted the man. "How is this possible?!"

"If you want," said Galloway, "I could send you to meet it. But first, who are you?"

The man regained his compusre. "It doesn't matter," he said. "My plans continue regardless." He then threw Galloway a piece of paper.

"I know of the Reaver," he said. "Someone stole it from its home world, then lost it on Earth. That parchement has the location of every world that knows about the Reaver, and the new story that will unfold with it. Follow the worlds, and you will have your answer."

"That doesn't answer my question!" shouted Galloway, but the man suddenly dissapeared. Galloway willed the Reaver to dissapear, and puzzled over this information.

"Emergency!" shouted the computer. "Emergency Self-Destruct has been activated!" Galloway snapped back to reality, grabbed Weiila, Servo and the girl, and ran like hell to the nearby escape pod bay.


He launched one pod, wedging himself in with the others. He then spun it around back onto his ship. He quickly got rid of the connection tube-thingy and blasted off, just as the abandoned ship exploded.

"That was close!" he sighed.

"I'd say!" said a voice. Servo pulled himself up from under the two girls and gasped for air. "Do you know how many times I've been hit around!"

"I thought you were experienced," said Galloway.

"I am!" said Servo. "With the number of aliens, monsters and freaks I've had to face in the past, I should be dead a million times over!"

"Shut...up," said Weiila, pulling herself back up. "Let's just go."

"What about the girl?" asked Servo, pointing to the child. Galloway finally got his first good look at her. She was about ten years old, with long purple hair and a large forehead. She could be picked out from about a hundred yards away from the looks of it.

"We'll take her along," said Galloway. "I'm interested in learning about her, too."

Galloway: For a limited time only, the Soul Reaver! Steal your friend's souls for fun and profit at NO MONEY DOWN!

The Reaver Saga part 6: Dark Side of the Space Station

The girl came to her senses a few hours later. She was lying on a cot at the bridge. Galloway was a few feet away from her, piloting the ship, while Weiila and Servo were at the counter by the window drinking tea.

"Where...where am I?" she asked.

" the Sattelite of Love," said Servo.

Weiila immediately spat out her tea. "Sattelite of Love? What kind of stupid name is that?"

"It's the ship's old name," said Galloway. "It was based off of designs of an older sattelite that was destroyed several years ago."

"...sattelite?" asked the girl. "What's a sattelite?" She looked out the window, and ran to the counter. "Are those stars?"

Galloway looked at the girl strangely. "Of course. A sattelite's a large thing that floats around in space. What backwoods planet do you come from?"

"Ignore him," said Weiila. "He's a nutcase. What's your name?"

"Yuushi," said the girl.

"Well, Yuushi," said Servo, "welcome to our little group! Now, Mr. Galloway, what is our current position?"

"We're approximately 15 million yards from a space station," said Galloway. "We might want someone to check out our little sattelite."

Servo gasped. "You idiot! There are no space stations on our route! You've driven us off course!"

"Well, if a certain red robot had been a little more helpful," said Galloway, "we wouldn't be having any problems, now would we?"

"Shut up," said Weiila. "We can just check our position at the space station."


They reached the space station a few hours later. It was round and circular, with several different decks and ports. Galloway steered the SoL into one of the ports and put it in park.

"Okay," said a blue alien, "that'll be 1305950 space cre-" It looked at Galloway, then gasped and backed off. "A Saiyan!"

"You got a problem with that?" asked Galloway.

"N-no!" said the alien. "In fact, I'll service your ship for free! I'll even give you everything I have! Just don't hurt me!" He threw an electronic card on the ground and ran off.

"Well that was wierd," said Galloway. "I guess Saiyans are known here, too." They then got off the sattelite and made their way to a bar on the station. Everyone's eyes turned to Galloway when they entered; some were filled with hatred, while others were filled with fear.


The man from the spaceship entered the head office of the station. "A Saiyan is on board," he said to a figure behind a chair.

"Really?" said the figure. "Well, it's time we stopped the prophecy from being completed. Kill the Saiyan and the other alien."

"Which one?" asked the man.

"You know," said the figure. "The one we picked up a week ago. She's been a nuisance for too long anyway; she's a regular bitch."

"It will be done, sir," said the man. He bowed, then left the office.

Galloway: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Weiila: You're as funny as a urinary infection.

The Reaver Saga part 7: The Awakening

"This is a nice place," said Weiila, not even attempting to disguise her sarcasm. "Wierd alien guys walking around, indescribable smells in the air, the fact that someone's trying to eat my wings..." She then elbowed a small creature that was nibbling on one of her feathers.

"This isn't that bad," said Servo, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. "At least they allow smoking and kids." Yuushi just leaned forward and drank from her milk.


The bartender made his way into the back, where he found the only available waitress. "All right, kid!" he shouted. "This is your last chance before I throw you in the special!"

A small, animal-like figure emerged from a dark corner. It had spikes on its head that were combed forward, and wore a red dress. Were it not for those facts, it would have passed off as a guy.

"There's a Saiyan out there," said the bartender. "Make sure he and his friends are happy. I don't want a repeat of our previous problems..."

"Sir," said the girl, "those weren't my-"

"SHUT UP!" shouted the bartender. "Do this right, or I'll make a...a...whatever-the-hell-you-are pie!"

"Hedgehog, sir," said the girl.

"SHUT YOUR STINKING MOUTH!" said the bartender. "Go to the Saiyan. He's the red-haired one with the tail!" He then threw an apron onto the hedgehog and kicked her out of the back.


"So, according to that one drunk guy," said Yuushi, "we should head 35 degrees north until we reach the Ritzbreaker Nebula, then go 96 degress until we reach the first planet on the list."

"Can we really trust a drunk guy?" asked Servo. "Maybe you should relly on a superior robot to guide you!"

"Superior robot?" said Weiila. "You have a gumball machine for a head!"

"Excuse me," said a small voice. Everyone looked around, then looked at the girl hedgehog talking to them. "I'm Amy, and I'll be your waitress tonight, Mr. Saiyan."

"Don't call me that," said Galloway. "Just treat me like anyone else that gets served like this in a bar."

"Okay," said Amy. "Anyway, our specials are Koring'dehla and Frea-nfbyes'bdyer. Anything sound good?"

Weiila, Servo and Yuushi passed, but Galloway went into thought mode almost instantly. "The first one sounds tempting...but I guess I'll try the second."

Amy stared at him, dumbfounded. "Very well, sir," she whimpered, before backing her way into the back of the bar. The bartender was on her almost immediately.

"You know what this means," he said. "You did a good job...too bad he ordered that special, isn't it?"

"Wait a second!" shouted Amy. "You have plenty of hedgehog meat! You try to make me eat it every day, remember?"

"No, that was dog food," said the bartender. "After we spent that month demoralizing you to the level of infancy, we could pass anything off as whatever we wanted!"

"Excuse me," said Galloway, tapping the bartender on the back, "but what exactly did I order?"

"Don't you know?" said the bartender. "What kind of Saiyan are you?"

"I wasn't born on the Saiyan homeworld, if that's what you mean," said Galloway. "I was born on Earth. But enough about that; what the heck did I order?"

"The literal translation is 'meat pie'," said the bartender, "but we find the rare hedgehog meat a few light years from here to be better than any other available."

"So," said Galloway, slowly realizing what was going on, "I just ordered Amy to her death..."

"Yes," said the bartender. Amy, however, was already crawling through a ventilation duct. The bartender grabbed her leg and tore her back into the room.

"Don't bother trying to escape again!" said the bartender. "The man wants his hedgehog pie, and that's what he's gonna-"

"I don't want HEDGEHOG, you moron!" said Galloway. "Let the girl go!"

"Make me!" shouted the bartender. Their shouting match had caught the attention of many of the patrons, who had entered the back area now.

"Okay," said Galloway. He summoned the Reaver and plunged it through the bartender's chest, leaving him a lifeless husk on the ground. The other patrons charged Galloway, but he quickly sliced them apart using his new weapon.

Finally, nearly everyone brave enough to fight Galloway had either died or ran off. Galloway willed the Reaver away, then helped the cowering Amy to her feet. "Are you all right, my dear?" he asked.

"Wh-what the heck was that?" she gasped.

"That was a question," said Galloway. "It is a type of sentence used to reinforce a request for information, such as..."

"No!" shouted Amy. "What was that sword?"

"Oh, THAT!" said Galloway. "It's called the Soul Reaver, if you're interested. I might tell you more about it, but first, we have to cut our way out." He grabbed Amy (who had grabbed a nearby cardboad box) by the arm and teleported back to the others, who had ran back to the Sattelite of Love.

"We found a bunch of time bombs on board!" said Weiila. "Good thing Servo knows how to disarm them!"

"Disarm them?" asked Servo. "I thought you said to disCARD them!" The space station was suddenly rocked by a large explosion.

"Everyone, get the hell on board!" shouted Galloway. He grabbed the confused Amy and threw her right into the ship, passed Servo, and into a side wall. He then jumped on himself and closed the entry. The SoL rocketed off as the space station exploded.


"Fools," said the man, flying off in his escape pod. "It was stupid of them to trust me. Oh well, two birds with one-" He then saw the SoL flying off, and cursed silently.

"The boss won't be happy about this!" he sighed, before flying off into the distance.

Galloway: Space...the Final...Frontier...These are the...voyages of...the starship...Enterprise...
Weiila: It had to happen, folks. It just had to happen. *smacks Galloway on the head and drags him off*

The Reaver Saga part 8: The Journey Begins...Again

"Oh, it's a long way to Tipperarie..." sang Galloway.

"What's wrong with you, Galloway?" asked Weiila.

"Seeing as how this is the dullest trip we've ever been on," said Galloway, "I thought a little music would help lighten the mood."

"I've never heard singing that bad since the last music competition!" shouted Yuushi. "Can we find something ELSE to do?"

"We could wait for that freaky-looking hedgehog to wake up," said Servo. "Or we could watch some movies; I found a few stored in the ship's memory."

"Oh, really?" asked Weiila. "What movies?"

"Let's see," said Servo. "We have The Final Sacrifice, Bloodlust, Horrors of Spider Island, and Manos: Hands of Fate..." Galloway's face flushed with horror at hearing the names of the movies, but Weiila seemed fairly excited.

"That last one sounds interesting," said Weiila. "Yuushi, want to join me?"

"Fine," said Yuushi. "Nothing better to do." Servo pressed some buttons, and a bunch of sirens went off and lights flashed everywhere. Weiila and Yuushi went through the wierd hallway.

"I feel sorry for them," said Servo. "That could very well be the worst movie ever created."

"Well, Weiila's swedish," said Galloway, "so she should be able to block out most of the dialogue. I feel sorry for the kid, though; I think she'll be traumatized for life."

Suddenly, Amy began to stir back to life. "Ow!" she shouted, rubbing the bump on her head. "What the heck happened?"

"You're all right, kid," said Galloway. "The space station's dust now."

" I?" she asked. "What happened to the station, anyway?"

"I accidently blew it up using some time bombs," said Servo. "And the Sattelite of Love."

"Sattelite of Love?!" said Amy. "That's a wierd name."

"I know," said Galloway. "I've been reminded a couple hundred times. Anyway, we're trying to run a scan for your home world, but unfortunately, the machine broke during our escape from the space station."

"Great," said Amy. "I was probably better off as a pie."

"Hold it!" said Servo. "We're approaching a large planet of some kind! Open Hexfield!" The Hexfield opened, revealing a large, red planet.

"Since we're still on the known side," said Galloway, "I suppose we could check this planet out. It would be a start, at least."

"Should I get those two?" asked Servo, looking at the doors.

"Don't bother," said Galloway. "I think Weiila needs to pay for that little remark about my singing."

"Then who's coming with you?" asked Servo. "I need to revive them once the nightmare ends..." Their attention then went to Amy, who was unpacking a very large, cartoonish hammer from the cardboard box.

She looked at Galloway, then at Servo, then back at Galloway. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.


Galloway and Amy went down to the planet's surface via the newly-installed transporter. They landed in the bleakest wasteland imaginable. The sun was blocked by an incredibly thick lair of soot and smog. The plants were dead or in a state of dying, and corpses littered the ground all over. "What kind of a nightmare is this?" said Amy. She then fell to the ground, couging and gasping.

Galloway quickly shoved an oxygen mask onto her face, then put one on his own. "I guess the air's toxic here," he said. "Whatever this place is, I don't like the look of it."

"So why are we still here?" asked Amy.

"Because I have a feeling about this place," said Galloway. "I think we might find something important here..."

*Weiila and Yuushi take a break*
Weiila: *is completely pale and twitching* Movie...terrible...can'!
Yuushi: Wow! You get to see stuff like that ALL THE TIME!

The Reaver Saga part 9: Lord of the Reaver

Galloway and Amy continued to make their way through the desolate wasteland. Strangely, nothing improved at all; in fact, things only looked worse as they continued walking. Earthquakes sprang up every few minutes, lightning crashes filled the sky, and the dirt itself seemed to be dull and black.

"Whatever this place is," said Galloway, "it looks like it's a hair away from being destroyed completely. I don't even want to imagine what could cause this."

"Doesn't look like that big a loss," said Amy. "Nothing seems to live here, anyway-"

A scream suddenly erupted out of nowhere, following by a sickening slurping noise. Galloway and Amy snuck closer to the source of the noise, then ducked behind a large boulder. In front of them was a human corpse, but that wasn't the frightening thing.

Surrounding the body were medium-sized, freakish monstrosities. They looked like a cross between a frog and one of the aliens Galloway had met on the abandoned spaceship. They had long, frogue-like tongues, which they used to break through the body's skin and draw out blood.

Amy looked on in shock, while Galloway felt his vomit reach the top of his throat. "What the heck are those things?" asked Amy.

"I think they're vampires," said Galloway, "but I've never seen anything like this."

The vampires drained the body, then left. Galloway summoned the Reaver, then the two made their way through the bleak landscape. Fortunately, there didn't seem to be too many vampires, so they didn't have to worry too much.

Finally, they reached a large, abandoned gazebo-like building. The domed roof had partly collapsed, the walls were cracked and broken, and the entrance was covered with thick spider webs. They began to approach the building, but ducked to the side when they heard a loud, heavy voice.

"Worthless book! There was no point in returning to this doomed time. The bastard must be gone by now!"

The speaker stormed out of the gazebo, then stopped suddenly, his back still turned to Galloway and Amy. It was a tall, muscular, humanoid creature, except for the fact that he had three clawed fingers and two clawed toes. It wore faded leather pants and a banner slung over its shoulder.

Slowly, it looked around, as if sensing something. Galloway realized that he was sensing the Reaver, and quickly willed it away. Seeming satisfied, the creature left.

"That was close," sighed Amy. Then a clawed hand grabbed her and Galloway from behind and threw them into the nearby cliffside. They finally got their first view of the creature's front, and saw something far worse: two long fangs portruidng from its mouth. It was another vampire.

"Who are you?" he shouted. "Did you think you could sneak like that around me?"

"What's your problem?" shouted Amy. "We're not doing anything-"

The vampire grabbed Amy by the neck and examined her. "You look strange," he said. "I wonder what your blood taste like..." He leaned in, baring his fangs.

Galloway summoned the Reaver and slammed the vampire to the ground; however, he didn't let go of Amy, and she slammed into the ground as well.

"You pathetic-" began the vampire. When he saw the Reaver, though, he gasped in shock. "How did you get that? The Reaver was stolen from me!"

"You mean the actual sword was stolen," said Galloway. "I found it on my home world, and from there, it's a long story..."

"Silence!" said the vampire. He threw Amy aside and approached Galloway, who raised the Reaver in alarm. "Then it is true. There is another story for the Reaver to tell."

"Oooookay," said Galloway, rolling his eyes. "Now that you've officially tried to kill us and suck the blood out of our lifeless corpses, do you mind telling me who the hell you are?"

The vampire looked at Galloway, his face completely emotionless. "I am Kain, lord of this doomed land."

"Well, it's a...pleasure to meet you," said Galloway. He offered his hand to Kain. The vampire looked at it, then back at Galloway, then punched him right in the face.

"Don't think for a minute that I enjoy your company," said Kain. "If it wasn't for the Soul Reaver, I would have feasted on you both by now. I'll finish with the freak now."

Amy, however, was already hiding behind another large, conviently-placed boulder. Kain looked in her direction and raised one hand. A strange blast hit the boulder, shattering it immediately. Amy was then surrounded in a blue field and pulled towards Kain, who grabbed her in mid-air.

"Let her go!" shouted Galloway. He charged with the Reaver, but Kain immediately threw Amy back into the cliffside.

"That blood is delicious," he said, "but it's not in a large quantity. I'll let her live for now."

Galloway ran to Amy and helped her back up. He then saw the two puncture holes in her neck. "Don't worry," said Kain. "Nobody I bite seems to change into a vampire, so she will be fine. Now, let's step inside."

Galloway looked up at Kain, who was returning to the gazebo. He was already hating the vampire.

*Weiila and Yuushi get another break from the movie*
Yuushi: What's up with that Torgo guy? He's the wierdest thing I've ever seen!
Weiila: Nah, I've seen wierder. I just want to know who thought that a guy with big knees and a slow southern drawl was scary...

The Reaver Saga part 10: The Reaver Journal

The inside of the gazebo was even worse than the outside. Human skeletons were piled around the walls, refusing to turn to dust. Long webs covered everything, including the entire floor. The only usable object was an enormous book sitting on a pedastle.

Galloway picked up the heavy book and examined it carefully. The binding appeared to be made out of stretched human skin, the cover was almost completely erroded, and the pages felt like they were made out of a kind of sandpaper (the ultimate evil). The inside was completely blank, save for some drops of long-dried blood. In fact, nothing was written at all.

"I know you heard," said Kain. "This useless trash was supposed to hold the key to the Reaver's location, and yet it says nothing."

Galloway, however, examined the pages much more closely. Strangely, there was a hidden symbol on the first page. It looked like the Soul Reaver inside an elaborate circle. Acting on instinct, he set the book down and summoned the Reaver.

As he passed the wraith blade over the pages, words began to appear. However, only the first few pages were filled; the rest were completely blank.

"In Darkest Times," read Galloway, "The Light Will Bring Death." The first lines didn't make sense, but it got even more cryptic and bizzare from there.

"The evil sealed cannot be contained. When the time comes, the Reaver will serve two masters. One will be on the path of conquest and destruction, and the other would be on the path of insanity and nightmares. When the time comes, the Reaver will decide its final master, and all doom would be averted.

"In order for the Reaver to chose, the powers taken must be returned. The dark forces hid these powers well, in order to prevent the Reaver from being freed. However, they would not be able to prevent this forever. The masters would return the Reaver to truth, and all will come to pass as ordained."

Galloway closed the heavy book. "You were right, Kain," said Galloway. "This just confused the hell out of me."

"The book must have some use," said Kain. "I have learned not to discount any possibility. The Reaver must be freed."

"It said there are two masters," said Galloway. "I assume you are the first, the one 'on the path of conquest and destruction'. I must be the one 'on the path of insanity and nightmares'. Either way, it looks like we're stuck together."

"I think not," said Kain, leaving the gazebo. "I do not work for any person, especially those who toy with such powers. You do not understand the significance of the Reaver. You are merely a child."

"Says the vampire that tried to suck a hedgehog's blood," said Galloway. Kain snarled and pulled Galloway towards him.

"I will ignore your words," said Kain, grabbing Galloway's throat in a crunching grip. "However, you will be careful in the future. I could destroy you in an instant if I so wished." He then threw Galloway into the gazebo wall and dissapeared into the darkness.

Galloway picked himself back up. "What's with him?" he muttered. He then grabbed the book and the now-unconcious Amy, then teleported back.


"Mr. Servo," said Galloway, setting both the book and Amy down, "what is our position?"

"We have found our location," said Servo. "Setting automatic pilot for nearest planet-"

"Wait a second," said Galloway. "We have automatic pilot?"

"Of course!" said Servo. "I was gonna tell you earlier, but..." Galloway grabbed Servo's neck and wrestled him to the ground.

Amy slowly regained conciousness as Galloway was still beating up Servo. "It's freezing in here!" she moaned. "What the heck happened?" She then felt the two holes in her neck...and screamed.

*Weiila and Yuushi are still in the theater*
Weiila: Did you hear something?
Yuushi: Shhh! I think they're finally finishing it!

The Reaver Saga part 11: The Next Planet

Weiila and Yuushi finally exited the theater, barely alive. Amy was still unconciouse, and Galloway had complete dismembered Servo, and was busy putting him back together.

"There's a ship coming up!" said Weiila. "Open Hexfield!" The Hexfield slid open, revealing a ship similar to the abandoned one found earlier, only it was covered with various weapons and lasers.

"I don't like the look of that," said Galloway, after welding Servo's left arm back in. "We'd better get running." He pushed a few buttons on the control panel, but the entire Satellite rocked violently, then stopped.

"No good!" said Servo. "They've got us in a tractor beam!"

"There's some flashing light over there!" said Yuushi, pointing to the "Incoming message" light. Galloway pressed another switch, and a man's face appeared in the Hexfield. He appeared to be about sixty or so, with a shaggy brown beard, a black eyepatch, and a very elaborate military uniform.

"Identify yourself!" he shouted.

"This is the crew of the Sattelite of Love!" said Galloway. "Who are you?"

"You don't need to know that," said the man. "However, we recieved reports of a ship similar to this fleeing a destroyed science vessal. What was your business there?"

"We found the entire place slaughtered," said Galloway. "The self destruct went off. We were lucky to get away as it was."

"Why should I believe you?" asked the man. "For all I know, YOU could have killed everyone on that ship!"

"Sir," said Weiila, "if you don't leave us alone, we'll have no choice but to go over there and kick your ass ourselves."

The man's eyes opened wide. "What the heck?" he gasped. "An angel? Am I seeing things?"

Galloway smiled. "Yes, it's an angel," said Galloway. "So what?"

"Man, I've been without sleep for too long," he said. "Okay, I'll take your testimonial to the High Court. However, we will require that you stay in orbit at the next available planet...which is right next to us."

The sattelite rocked violently, and went flying towards another planet. Just as suddenly, the ship stopped, and went into orbit mode. The communication link dissapeared, and the other ship flew off.

"Planetary scan complete," said Weiila, reading from a computer screen. "The atmospheric conditions and landforms are exactly like earth, with only a few slight changes in temperature."

"Sounds promising," said Galloway. He then checked the coordinates and compared them with the list; one of them matched.

"Okay, who's staying on the sattelite, and who's going down there?" asked Servo.

"I'll lead, as always," said Galloway. "Weiila and Servo, you'll come with me. Yuushi, you stay here and try to revive Amy. The ship'll stay in self-maintainance mode until we get back." They then used the transporter to go to the surface.


They landed on a sidewalk in a large city. The signs, buildings, and various other writings seemed to all be in Japanese. Servo looked at a nearby sign, which showed a bunch of fairly unnatractive women. He then gasped and fainted.

"What's wrong?" asked Galloway, raising Servo back up.

"The sign..." he moaned. "It says 'Free Rape Sessions Inside."

"Well, what do you expect?" asked Weiila. "It's Japan."

"'s not that," said Servo. "It's...on every building...on every terrible..." His head spun around for a few seconds, then his whole body began to smoke.

Weiila: The horror...THE HORROR!

The Reaver Saga part 12: Little Coffee Shop of Perverts  

"Let's make sure we're on the same page," said Weiila. "We're on a world where rape is perfectly allowed, and our guide's short-circuted, but we're staying around anyway in a hopeless attempt to find something related to the Reaver."

"That sums it up nicely," said Galloway. "But first, I need to check something out. That coffee shop should be all right." They entered a small, Starbucks-like coffee place called "Clear Incest."

They sat themselves down at a small table, put Servo into a third chair, and opened the book. Another Reaver symbol had appeared on the pages directly following the filled ones. Galloway summoned the Reaver, quickly passed it over the pages, and willed it away. Fortunately, everyone else was too busy raping the 12-year-old girls walking around to notice them.

"Uh, Gallo," said Weiila, "I'm gonna see about some water or something. You want anything?"

"Just bring me a mocha or something," said Galloway. Weiila nodded, readied her whip, and snapped her way through the effeminate perbs launching themselves at her as she walked to the counter.

Several more pages of the book had been filled. Galloway leaned in and carefully examined them:

"The first power was placed on the most vile of worlds, a place of such debauchery and lust that it sickens all to think of it. It was hidden deep underground, near the planet's only known lake. The power hidden there is said to bestow even the most ignorant and pathetic of beings with the powers of-" Unfortunately, the next word was missing. "-However, if the power is discovered by one with this ability to begin with, it will be amplified to a fever pitch, making it extremely dangerous for both the user and those nearby." A few pictures were also included, especially of an arched doorway with strange markings on the side and a large lake.

Weiila made her way back, carrying some bottled water and a coffee. Galloway took his drink and closed the book, then sipped his mocha. "You know, this has a wierd taste to it," said Galloway. "Not really bad, but really different."

"Oh, really?" asked Weiila.

"Yeah, it's kinda salty..." began Galloway. He then realized with horror what he had been drinking, and quickly spat it out into a trash can. Servo suddenly swung back to life as Galloway was still puking.

"Are we still on that god-forsaken planet?" he whined.

"Well, well," said a large voice. "Look what we've got here." Everyone looked up (including Galloway), and met a tall, lanky man with a black robe. However, the biggest part about him was the tail; it was the exact same as Galloways'.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Galloway.

"My name is Zinar," said the man. "I, too, am a Saiyan."

"Impossible!" said Galloway. "The Saiyans are dead!"

"Not quite," said Zinar. "There are a few of our kind left, scattered across the universe. However, I know of a way to help them. Take me to this 'power' of yours."

"How the hell do you know about that?" asked Galloway. "Were you spying on me from the beginning?"

"Yes, I'm afraid," said Zinar, bowing his head. "I wished to see more about you before I offered my assistance. I have only the best interests of the Saiyans in mind, you see. With something like that, I could ensure our race's survival for centuries to come."

"Something's not right here," said Weiila. "Why should we trust you?"

"Come on, Weiila," said Servo, strangely lifeless. "We must trust him. He wishes to see his species survive."

"...Servo, are you okay?" asked Galloway.

"Of course," said Servo, still completely lifeless. "Do you not wish for your kind to be prosperous, or are you a traitor to all Saiyans?"

"Okay, that was WIERD!" said Galloway.

"Come on, Galloway," said Weiila, now also completely lifeless. "Servo has convinced me. We must trust Zinar."

Galloway looked at Zinar. The man seemed to be perfectly calm, but was also sweating slightly. He knew something was wrong...but had no choice.

"Fine, Zinar," he said. "Let's go."


The man watched from the bushes as the two Saiyans and strangely lifeless angel and robot walked towards the lake. "Two of them now," he sighed. "Those Saiyan bastards musn't be allowed to live."

Weiila: *still strangely lifeless* Ha ha ha ha, I like random violence, I despise tea, I want Starstorm to cheat on me in order to show his love.

The Reaver Saga part 13: Temple of the Mind  

The lake was large and dark blue, with various park benches and trees situated strategically around it. Like every other place, there were underaged rapes going on all over, and many were moving dangerously close to the lake.

"This place is great!" said Zinar. "I could learn to like this!"

"Ha...ha...ha," said Weiila. "After this is over, I would like to have sex with Galloway." Any doubts Galloway had about how strange things were going on were erased instantly; NOW something was really fucked up!

"I think I see the door," said Galloway, pointing to a stained mountain on the end of the lake. A large door was situated in the water. Galloway dodged the naked 13-year-olds and summoned the Reaver.

The Reaver began to hum as he approached the door. Galloway made his way into the water, and instantly noticed how slimy and stick the water was. Ignoring the fact that he would need to bathe for a week after this ordeal was over, he inserted the Reaver into an indentation in the door. It opened quickly, slightly draining the lake, and revealing dead naked 13-year-olds.

They entered the area, and climbed up a large block. The inside of the mountain was actually an elaborate, ancient temple, with various pillars, murals, and other crap. Galloway began to take a few steps, but was suddenly blown through one of the pillars. Weiila and Servo fell to the ground, moaning.

"You are such a fool," said Zinar, calmly walking towards the interior of the temple. "It was easy to control those two, and if it wasn't for the Reaver, you would have fallen, as well."

"So it comes out," said Galloway, pulling himself from the rubble. "You aren't a Saiyan, are you?"

"No, I am a Saiyan," said Zinar. "However, the others were too busy building up their strength. I simply raised my mind. I have gained the ability to control minds and use telekinesis, and now, with the powers hidden here, I can raise my powers even more." He then teleported into the next room, and blasted two pillars, sending them toppling to the ground and blocking the entrance.

Weiila and Servo were still out of it. Galloway looked around the room, trying to find a way out. However, he noticed a mural on the side wall that looked vaguely interesting. It showed an enormous, demonic face, battling a cloaked figure holding a flaming sword. It didn't look like the Reaver, but was also fairly similar in design.

The other murals were nearly completely destroyed, but Galloway could make out the same figure standing with several others. Unfortunately, he couldn't make any of them out. Then he saw a hole in the ceiling, where the pillar Zinar had sent him flying through once stood. He climbed up the ruins of the pillar and jumped through.

He crawled through a narrow passage, then dropped down through another hole. He was now in a tiered room, with at least three levels. Zinar stood at the bottom, deep in a trance.

Galloway's sixth sense suddenly kicked in. He jumped down, mere seconds before the ground he was standing on completely shattered. He then dodged the fragments, and barely escaped another toppling pillar. He ran towards Zinar, but was blown back by another blast.

"You are too late," he laughed. "I have the power. I am now a God!" He turned, and Galloway looked in horror at him. His face was now twisted and mutilated, his frame was even more wirey than before, and his forehead was covered with green, pulsating nerves.

"Some God," said Galloway. "You look more like a Jerry Springer reject." Zinar growled, and Galloway was lifted off the ground.

"I don't know what this 'Jerry Springer' is," he said, "but that is most definately an insult. I guess this is goodbye...Saiyan."

"Oh, by the way," gasped Galloway, "I have a present." He raised his hand, and fired a large energy blast he had been collecting. Zinar bounced it away and laughed, until it flipped around and hit him in the back. His concentration broken, he let go of Galloway, who floped to the floor.

"You are good," said Zinar, "but it will take more than that to stop me!" He began to concentrate again, and several of the walls and pillars began to crumble and collapse. Galloway barely dodged several of them, but a pillar collapsed onto his legs as he was recovering from another dodge.

"This is it, then," said Zinar. Suddenly, his eyes shot open with pain, and he began to shriek. His head began to shake and rumble violently, until he fell onto his hands and knees.

"That's what the book meant," said Galloway, hastily healing his legs. "If someone already has the power, they'll be a danger to themselves and everyone else. They'll be unable to control the surplus energy..."

"Shut UP!" shouted Zinar. "Please, for the love of all that is holy, help me!"

Galloway limped his way over to Zinar. "You're gonna die, anyway," said Galloway, summoning the Reaver. "I'll just make this more painful for you." He then stabbed the Reaver into Zinar. His body quaked briefly, then went still. His head immediately exploded, sending blood and gore everywhere.

However, Galloway immediately felt his entire body become warm and weak. He fell to the ground, gasping for air. The Reaver dissapeared, as if unable to stay drawn at this point. Finally, after several agonizing minutes, the feeling went away, and Galloway stood back up.

"I wonder..." he said. He then raised his hands and concentrated on a cracking pillar. It suddenly shattered at it's base, sending it falling onto the top level. Galloway sighed, thankful that something was accomplished, then climbed up the pillar. Before he left, though, he caught a glimpse at a broken statue of what looked like an angel. The face looked vaguely familiar.


Weiila and Servo got back to their feet as Galloway approached. "We've got what we wanted," said Galloway. "Let's get out of here."

"I don't think so," said a familiar voice. The man emerged from behind one of the pillars, handgun raised. "This little hunt has gone on for too long."

"Uh, not to be critical," said Galloway, "but why are you trying to kill me?"

"For one simple reason," said the man. "Saiyans are worthless, pathetic creatures. They do not deserve to live. I will make sure every one of those monkeys gets what they deserve."

"So, in summary, you're a racist," said Galloway, now very pissed.

"Well, maybe," said the man, looking up in thought. "You see, I never had good experiences with Saiyans, what with my home planet being destroyed by them and everything, and one of them raping my sister, all of which could possibly induce complete hatred-" He then saw that the three had already fled.


Galloway, Weiila and Servo QUICKLY teleported back onto the SOL. Yuushi was now sound asleep, while Amy was busy controlling the ship. "You're back!" she shouted. "That Yuushi girl's a freak, you know?"

"So says the pink hedgehog," said Weiila.

"Hey, lay off!" said Servo. "We're all stuck here, so we'd better learn to get along!"

"Good point," said Galloway. "Come on, let's get out of here!"

"Excuse me," said another familiar voice. The spaceship captain from before emerged from the bridge, still dressed in proper military uniform and such. "I am joining this voyage."

"WHAT?!" asked Galloway.

"The High Council has heard your case, but has yet to decide," said the captain. "I have been ordered to observe your actions much more closely, so that a proper judgement can be made."

"Listen, Mr.-" began Galloway.

"Admiral," corrected the captain. "Admiral Nimo. And I WILL be observing you, or I'll have no choice but to have the entire Starfleet converge on this vessel and destroy it. You have your choice, sir, but I hope for your sake you make the right one."

Galloway thought about it for a minute, then sighed. "Fine, we'll take you along. But remember, this is MY vessel. I'M still in charge."

"Well noted!" said Nimo. "I will be retiring to my quarters. By the way, where are they?" Servo took the admiral to his new quarters, while Galloway set the next batch of coordinants. The SOL blasted away from the hentai-stained world, with cheers echoing from all three that had endured it.

Galloway: Beer for sale! Beer for sale!
Star: Did I hear Weiila offer to have sex with you?
Galloway:...oh shit! *runs*

The Reaver Saga part 14: Darkness and Decay

"We're orbiting the next planet!" shouted Galloway. He then realized that nobody else was on the bridge. He sighed, then pushed a few buttons, turning off the SOL's engines and setting it into automatic orbit mode.

Servo quickly hovered into the room. "The planet's atmosphere is perfectly breathable, it has a few continents, and everyone there speaks Japanese."

"We can tell that?" asked Galloway.

"Well, I just asked Yuushi," said Servo. "It's her planet!"


"Okay, Yuushi," said Galloway. "I'll take you home first, then start searching for the Reaver power. Servo, you're coming too. It's time you started acting like a guide."

"And what are WE supposed to do?" asked Weiila.

"I hate to inform you of this," said Nimo, "but I have been ordered to follow you on all disembarkments. High Council's orders."

Galloway stared long and hard at the admiral, then sighed heavily. "Fine, but you'd better stay out of our way."

"What happened to the nice gentleman from before?" asked Nimo.

"He died after five or so Slim Jims," said Galloway. "Now let's just get down there."


They teleported onto what seemed to be a cobblestone city street. Storm clouds were raging overhead, and rain was coming down in torrents. The houses and buildings were small and quant, and carried a kind of medivel charm. Strangely, there wasn't a single sign of life anywhere.

"The area seems to have been abandoned for a few weeks," said Nimo. "None of the streets show recent use."

"What the hell is this?" asked Galloway. He then saw a few green lights from one of the roofs. Several twisted, ninja-like figures jumped down onto the streets, armed with various pointy knifes and other sharp things.

"What kind of world do you live in?" asked Galloway.

"I don't know what's going on!" shrieked Yuushi. "These things weren't here before!"

"Well, whatever," said Galloway. "Let's just get rid of these things!" He summoned the Reaver and charged, but the ninjas suddenly dissapeared.

"Where'd they go?" asked Nimo.

"I don't care right now," said Galloway, desummoning the Reaver. "Each of us will go into a different building. Try to find some clue about what happened here." They then went into different buildings.


Galloway climbed up the stairs of the house he was in, but saw nothing...until he turned around in the second floor. He saw three statues, two adults and a small child. Their faces were trapped in a state of complete horror, and when Galloway touched the stone, it was strangely warm...almost like touching human flesh.

At that point, he realized what was going on. He ran back outside, where Servo, Yuushi and Nimo were already waiting.

"Did your buildings have fleshy statues, too?" asked Galloway. Everyone just silently nodded. "Then that means...we're in some serious shit here."

Weiila: What is it this time? A stone spell? Petrification poison? A medusa? Then again, why do I care?!

The Reaver Saga part 15: The Academy  

"Well, this is ANOTHER fine mess you've gotten us into!" said Servo, as they walked through the deserted streets.

"Tom, shut up," said Galloway. "You've only been with me for about a week. You can stop complaining everytime I even move."

"You know, you're probably innocent of the charges," said Nimo. "I doubt anyone as stupid as you could destroy an entire ship by yourself."

"Nobody invited YOU, admiral!" said Galloway. "You made us take you along!"

"Would you stop shouting back there!" shouted Yuushi. "We're almost to the Academy!"

"What...Academy?" asked Galloway. "You simply told us to follow you. What the hell can a school teach us?"

"It's the most secure place in the kingdom," said Yuushi. "If anyone's still alive, they'll be in there."


Yuushi stopped when they reached an enormous, walled building. The gates were torn down, and the front of the once-glorious building was almost completely destroyed. "Dear God!" shouted Yuushi. "What the heck are these things?"

The interior, unlike the front, was almost completely intact. Lavish furnishings and decorations were placed around the many rooms and hallways, while beautiful windows and seemingly endless staircases reached into the upper areas of the building.

"This is wierd," said Galloway. "They destroyed the front, but the rest is perfect. It's like they're afraid to touch anything here..."

"Now what?" asked Yuushi. "We can't search every room; it'll take months!"

"I think I know who's behind this," said Galloway. "Might as well try something...HEY! I'M A SAIYAN! I'M IN HERE! THE MAN HAS OUTSMARTED ME! I'M GIVING UP!"

The man from before entered from one of the doors. "A-ha...wait a second!"

"And they say I'm an idiot," said Galloway. "Just goes to show you; if you hound a guy long enough, he starts catching on."

"It's not over yet!" said the man. "You don't know how to return everything to normal! You've lost, Saiyan! Good-bye!" He then dissapeared in another transporter-like effect, conviently dropping a large book behind.

Nimo quickly opened the book. "Let's see...according to this, the spell is caused single-handedly by something called 'Medusa-2'. It's supposed to be...inside the Academy somewhere..."


Starstorm hanged up the phone in rage. "So, Galloway ran off with her somewhere?!" he growled. "When I get my hands on him, I'll tear him a couple new assholes!"

Weiila: So, it's a Medusa...okay, you'll need a blindfold and a mirror. I can sell you those thousand bucks!
Galloway: *reaches into his dresser drawer and pulls out a blindfold and hand mirror*

The Reaver Saga part 16: Broken Armor  

About two hours of searching every square inch of the ground floor, the group returned to the main foyer, exhausted beyond belief.

"How...big" asked Galloway.

"," said Yuushi. Galloway finally gave up on breathing and collapsed. Servo and Nimo just barely resisted strangling the kid.

"Wait!" said Yuushi. "Did anyone try the garden?"

"WHAT!" shouted everyone (even Galloway, who had just barely built up enough strength to strangle Yuushi). "THERE'S MORE!" At that point, they all collapsed.


After everyone regained conciousness again, they followed Yuushi into a large, beautiful garden. Unlike the rest of the town, the plants here showed some degree of life...except for one patch in a far corner.

Galloway cautiosely made his way to the patch, Reaver drawn. The area seemed to suddenly become very cold; he could smell the death in the air. He was close...

The final clue came when the ground beneath him blew open, sending him flying back into the wall. When the dust settled, he saw the Medusa; it was a cross between a snake and one of the aliens. It's saliva dripped onto the ground, turning patches of earth to solid stone.

"That's it?" asked Galloway. "That's the Medusa-2? How the hell could it-" He then saw a large river running through the garden and under the wall...and realized how it happened.

However, the monster had already closed the distance and grabbed Galloway. It moved its mouth ever to Galloway's neck; he could feel it's breath on his face.

Galloway slashed it with the Reaver, sending the monster dashing backwards in pain. He then ran forward and slashed several more times, but the attacks barely had any effect. The Medusa simply kept coming back.

"Shouldn't we do something?" asked Nimo.

"Yeah..." said Servo. "Twenty bucks on the Medusa."

"You're betting at a time like this?" asked Yuushi. "What kind of friends are you?"

"The best kind," said Servo. "The 'profeteering kind'."

Galloway quickly began to tire. His face went completely white, he inhaled and exhaled in massive gulps, and he began to sweat blood. The Medusa striked him in the head with its tail, then punched him in the gut, then finally slammed his chest using an enormous punch.

Galloway fell to the ground, coughing up blood and goo. The Medusa loomed over him, ready to chomp his head off. The battle was about over...

(Camera blankout. Return five minutes later)

Yuushi held the Medusa down, while Galloway summoned what little strength he had. He raised the Reaver and stabbed it through the Medusa's torso, draining its soul.

"Thanks...kid," panted Galloway, quickly getting rid of the Reaver. "I'm...going the ship...I'll be a hour or so." He then dissapeared in another teleport effect.


Galloway crawled his way into his bed, then began to remove his armor. However, he found that much of it was shattered, smashed, or turned to stone. Cursing his luck, he removed the remaining pieces, then went to find Weiila.


"Wait a second," said Yuushi, looking back at the town. "Nothing's happening."

"Maybe killing that thing wasn't enough," said Servo. "Let's look around some more. Maybe we'll find something..." Something suddenly grabbed him and pulled him away into the shadows. Yuushi and Nimo looked around nervously, then ran after the attacker.

Who attack Servo? Can our heroes reverse the stone attacks? How long before Sweden shows itself as the military superpower it really is? Stay tuned to find out!

The Reaver Saga part 17: Return of Kain  

"Gallo," said Weiila, "I'm sorry I couldn't heal you completely, but come on! There's a limt to EVERYTHING!"

"I know, I know," said Galloway, tearing through his small closet, "but I thought you were an expert on healing. I just want to know what CAUSED it. Besides smashing my armor and bruising me a little, the Medusa didn't even touch me!"

"It might be the Reaver," said Weiila. "We don't know how it works completely yet. You might want to lay off using it for a while."

"Whatever," said Galloway, throwing out a good deal of clothing. "I just need some new armor."

"Uh, Gallo," said Weiila, "not to sound mean or anything, but have you ever heard of a wonderful thing called a SHIRT?"

"Of course," said Galloway, throwing out both pairs of pants he brought along. "But I need some armor. I feel naked without some on!"

Weiila's eyes suddenly went blank. "You ruined my dreams for another ten years. Thanks, Gallo."


Yuushi and Nimo ran around the Academy wall, then again, then again, until they finally realized the attacker ran the OTHER way. They then followed the path, keeping an eye out for the fresh tracks.

Suddenly, something jumped down from a tree and grabbed the shadowy attacker. They watched as the attacker was thrown into a tree, followed by something grabbing Servo and throwing him into Yuushi.


"Okay," said Galloway, "which is better?" He walked out carrying two suits of armor. One was a suit of chainmail, covered with some black cloth that caused it to randomly fade in and out. The other was a clown suit.

"Hmmm, tough one," said Weiila, "but if I had to pick anything, I'd say...the clown suit."

"Ha ha ha, very funny," said Galloway. He threw the clown suit aside and put on the chainmail. He now began to fade occasionally as well, although it seemed to be only for effect. He then returned to the transporter.

"Stupid Gallo," said Weiila. "Always ignoring my advice....just like RPGDude."


The figure began to approach the paniced Nimo and slightly off-balance Servo and Yuushi. It was about to grab Yuushi's neck when a light shined on it from behind. It turned...and saw Galloway, holding a flashlight.

"Two questions, Kain," said Galloway. "One, what are you doing here, and two, how did you get here?"

"I knew you would be coming here," said Kain. "I simply beat you to this place. Too bad you took so long to get here..."

"I thought you weren't interested in our little journey," said Galloway.

Yuushi, meanwhile, watched as the other shadowy figure approached them. Galloway turned around and flashed the light onto the figure, revealing another young girl. She had dark brown skin, long black hair held in an impossible style, an outdated purple dress, and a generally nasty aura.

"Grenda!" shouted Yuushi.

Grenda looked at Yuushi. "Oh, great," she snarled. "It's you."

"You mean," said Servo, "you grabbed me from behind, made horrifying threats, and nearly got me killed for NOTHING?"

"Wierd guys started showing up just after you dissapeared," said Grenda. "That piece of junk is probably one of them!"

"We killed the cause already," said Galloway, "but the spell isn't reversed yet. We'll handle that later, but first, why are you here, Kain?"

"You have the Reaver," said Kain. "I need it to finish my quest. Besides, your blood would make a decent meal afterwards."

"How...comforting," said Galloway, rolling his eyes slightly. "Anyway, let's get out of here."

"Wait a second," said Kain. "Isn't old Wraith Armor? HOW MUCH OF MY EQUIPMENT DID YOU STEAL?!"

"Uh...I bought it at some black market," said Galloway, slowly backing away. "Please don't hurt me, Mr. Evil Overlord."

"I was planning on killing you later," said Kain. "I'll just tear your limbs off first now." They then blindly walked off in some random direction.

Galloway: And now, my tribute to Soul Reaver. *ahem* Soul Reaver was the second Legacy of Kain game, and was supposed to be the last. It has a terrific plot, excellent gameplay, and gre-TO BE CONTINUED

The Reaver Saga part 18: Ascension, Descension, and Salvation  

"Does ANYONE know where we're going?" asked Galloway.

"Not a clue," said Servo. "We're just wandering around, lost in some dark forest, waiting for some wild animal to come along and devourer us whole."

"Gee, what a NICE plan," said Nimo.

Finally, they stumbled across a large cave, with an enormous door blocking the entrance. Galloway looked at the inscription, which was carved completely in runic. Then he noticed a big hole in the bottom...and felt something pulling and twisting in his arm.

"So...Kain, was it?" asked Servo. "What's it like being an evil abomination? I mean, with all that blood sucking and world destroying, how do you find the time to run around with a loser like that?" Kain didn't even bother looking at Servo; he simply raised one hand, and blew the robot through about ten trees before slamming him into a rock.

Galloway gasped and groaned, before finally caving in and summoning the Reaver. His arm quickly plunged, Reaver and all, into the hole. Bright, swirling lights followed, causing massive seizures for miles, before the door slowly rumbled open. Gasping, Galloway quickly willed away the Reaver.

"About time!" shouted Grenda. "Do you have ANY idea what we could have done now?"

"Shut up, Grenda!" said Yuushi. "He's just doing his job!"

"If his job's convulsing and dancing like your standard moron," said Grenda, "then he's doing all right!"

"You two had better SHUT UP!" said Nimo, cocking his gun. They didn't even know what that was, but they quickly went silent. Galloway raised his flashlight and entered the cave.


The steps were finely carved, and showed an incredibe amount of dust; a definate sign of unuse. The walls were covered with the usual carvings and runic words, as well as several pictures of the Reaver. At the bottom of the stairs was a small antechamber, with a large stone door against the wall. Two orifices were on both sides.

"I guess another Reaver ability's here," said Galloway. He quickly opened the book and passed the Reaver over another set of pages. Once again, words began to appear:

"The Well of Souls was often used as a burial spot for the elite of many worlds, before the Great Collapse destroyed all communication between the different planets. As a result, it fell into disrepair, and thus was the perfect location to place the next Reaver ability. However, when the well was still being used, the door was sealed with a pair of magical keys: two shields, one golden and pristine, the other black and desolate.

"When the ability was placed inside, the shields were given to two mortal enemies of the world. This ensured that no two sides would be able to use the shields; however, it also caused the world's inhabitants to lose all knowledge of the well, and the few that realized its power sought to gain it for themselves. However, none have found the one clue in finding the shields.

"One must rise into paradise, and fall into ruin, but find their salvation in between the two."

Galloway quickly closed the book. "Okay, let's think this through," he said. "Two mortal enemies...paradise and ruin...okay, I'm lost."

"You really ARE new at this, aren't you?" asked Kain. "It means the shields are being held in both Heaven and Hell!"

"...Okay," said Galloway, "let's assume you're right. That means the shields are being held by God and Satan, and you expect me to just walk up to them and ASK for their precious shields?"

"It never hurts to ask...or just take," said Kain. A large archway in the corner suddenly came to life, with a blue vortex appearing in the center. Galloway sighed, and began to walk through...grabbing Yuushi and Servo along the way. All three quickly dissapeared through the vortex, which promptly closed behind them.

"That's one problem down," said Nimo. "Now what about the town?"

Grenda slapped her forehead and moaned. "I'm never gonna live this down," she sighed, "but I know someone that could help."

Galloway: And now, my tribute to Blood Omen 2...Blood Omen 2 sucked. THE END

The Reaver Saga part 19: Heaven  

After tossing, tumbling, and spiraling through the very fabric of space and time, Galloway, Servo and Yuushi tumbled through another vortex, which quickly closed behind them. They were now in front of another archway, which was in another cave. The only difference was that there was no door, and a ladder was leading up through the ceiling.

"The light...the pretty lights," murmered Servo.

"Servo...I've been meaning to ask you something," gasped Galloway. "How the hell do you see without any eyes?"

"I...never really thought of that," said Servo. "Thanks for putting something into my mind that'll haunt me for the rest of my life!"

"That's funny," said Yuushi. "I don't remember this place before."

"Well, wherever the hell we are," said Galloway, "we're just wasting time sitting around here. Let's just find that damn shield and get out of here." Yuushi and Servo nodded their agreement, and they climbed up the ladder (except Servo, who hovered up).


The ladder led to a small, flat piece of ground, with nothing around it. As Galloway looked around, he realized just how much nothing there was; the ground was literally floating! The planet seemingly hanged below, looking rather similar to Earth from this altitude. Above them was an enormous floating city, with buildings and passageways stretching every which way, in every possible dimension.

"It's funny," said Galloway. "I've been to Heaven, but I've never seen it from this angle..."

"We need to get up there," said Yuushi. "Anyone have any ideas?"

"We could ask the small group of robots," said Servo.

"What robots?" asked Galloway.

"The ones coming down from the city," said Servo. "You know, the ones with the various sharp and pointy things!" Finally, Galloway and Yuushi saw the big, red robots jumping down, minutes before they slammed into the ground. The resulting concussion blasted Galloway, Yuushi and Servo back, nearly knocking them off the platform.

"The Heavenly Realm is now closed," said one of the robots, raising a gigantic mace attached to his arm. "Please stand still and prepare for termination."

"O...kay," said Galloway. "Heaven has big, bulky robots working as wonder the damn place is paradise."

"No talking," said the same robot. "Prepare for termination."

"Excuse me!" shouted Servo. "Can't we talk this over?"

"No talking," repeated the same robot. "Prepare for termination."

"Really, we just need to see the King of Heaven," said Yuushi. "So if you please-"

"No talking," repeated the same robot. "Prepare for termination."

"We tried talking, and that didn't work," said Galloway, "so let's just finish this, okay?"

"Terminating now," said the same robot. The mace blasted out of its arm, attached to a long black wire. Galloway quickly drew his normal sword and sliced through the chain, cutting the mace loose. He then threw it back at the robot, smashing it to pieces.

The other robots took up similar stances, but Galloway uppercutted one's torso off, tore another's arms off, and finally cut one apart from the knees down. Yuushi watched on silently, while Servo, mouth open, twitched violently.

Finally, after all the robots were in pieces, Galloway sheathed his sword. "They just don't make killer robots like they used to," he sighed.

"What's wrong with Servo?" asked Yuushi.

"The...robots," Servo gasped. "The poor...defenseless...robots..."

"He's just in shock," said Galloway. "Let's get back to planning, shall we?" Then another robot, this one gold and bulky with no visible weapon, crashed down right in front of Galloway, sending him flying back...again.

Weiila: *sips tea, as a laughtrack plays in the distance*

The Reaver Saga part 20: The Inept Robot  

"ANOTHER ROBOT?" shouted Galloway. "What the hell's wrong with Heaven nowadays?"

"Target in position," said the robot. "Now analyzing...still analyzing...continuing analyzation..."

Galloway just looked at the robot. "Is there...any point to all this?"

"Alaysis continuing...," said the robot. "Target still under analysis...will continue analysis..."

"Barizan!" shouted Yuushi, dropping Servo in surprise. "What're you doing here? What happened to Erumina?"

"Still analyzing...will not stop analyzing," said Barizan. Finally, Galloway snapped, grabbed the robot, and stared right into its eyes.


"Analysis finished," said Barizan. He raised one spiked hand, and slammed Galloway on the head, knocking him unconcious.

"Barizan!" shouted Yuushi.

Barizan's head turned towards Yuushi. "Yuushi," he said. "Why are you here? No one is allowed in the Heavenly Realm."

"Believe me," mumbled Galloway, his head bleeding, "we know." Barizan smacked Galloway on the back of the head again, then returned his gaze to Yuushi.

"The King of Heaven has a new advisor," said Barizan. "He has warned of someone trying to take the Heaven Shield. They will use it to destroy all of existance."

"Actually," said Yuushi, "we're after the Heaven Shield, too. You see-"

Barizan didn't even think about he; he simply raised his arms and stalked towards Yuushi. "Objective: Protect Shield. Destroy all intruders."

Just as he was about to strike, though, smoke began to shoot out of his head. He shook for a few minutes, sparks flying out of his body. Finally, he collapsed, barely even functional.

Servo took one look, screamed bloody murder, and fainted.


The King of Heaven sat on his stone throne, waiting patiently for his advisor. His long brown hair and beard, as well as his white robes and small crown, clearly distinguished him from everyone else around him, especially since they were now stone.

Finally, the shadowy advisor arrived. "My lord," he said, his voice wavy and distant, "intruders have arrived, and have defeated Barizan. What shall we do?"

The King of Heaven thought about it for a few seconds, then sighed. "Very well, then. We have no choice."

Weiila: Hmmm....wierd-looking robots in Heaven. That doesn't sound TOO bad.

The Reaver Saga part 21: The Second Saiyan

(They rebooted Barizan, who told them about the mysterious advisor. They were then taken to the Palace of the Heavenly Realm, where the shield waited.)


Galloway, Yuushi and Servo stared in awe at the palace. The columns were ornately carved, the floor was made of pristine marble, and the walls were covered with ornate trinkets and the like.

"So, this is the Heavenly Realm here," said Galloway. "A bit different from my Heaven..."

"Barizan," said Yuushi, "WHAT happened to Erunima?"

"Erunima is not well," said Barizan. "An unknown force turned everyone except the King and his advisor to stone, except for his majesty and the princess."

"Wait a minute," said Servo. "You mean, the people here are stone, too?" Barizan didn't respond; he simply opened a large set of double doors on the back of the palace, which led to a large throne room. Stone statues were lined up everywhere, each transfixed with a look of complete horror.

"We were expecting you," said a voice in the back. The King of Heaven sat on a large throne, while a beautiful ten-year-old girl stood at his side, dressed in a white toga-like dress and a pair of wings on her back.

"Erunima!" shouted Yuushi. "What's going on?"

"We have nothing to say to you," said the girl. "You are intruding on our kingdom."

"But, Erunima!" shouted Yuushi. "We're friends, remember?"

"They have no business with you," said a third voice. Another man entered the room. He was tall, with piercing yellow eyes and clawed hands. He looked at the three with pure hatred, not even blinking once. However, his most distinguishable feature was his monkey tail.

"You're a Saiyan?" shouted Galloway.

"Part Saiyan," said the man. "My father intermingled with another race, which had much more developed eyesight and claws. I was taken by him just before it was wiped out. Now I'm an advisor..."

"Okay, I didn't ask for your life story," said Galloway. "Just what the hell's going on?"

"You brought this nightmare upon us," continued Erunima, completely void of any emotion. "Now, you must all die." She flicker her hand once, and a pristine white sword appeared out of nowhere.

"Erunima," gasped Yuushi, "you don't want to do this..."

"Do it, princess," said the man. "Destroy the evil ones."

Galloway quickly summoned the Reaver, but as he did, he saw something strange in the eyes of the King and Erunima. A strange green light glowed from their eyes; they were definately being controlled from somewhere. Through the natural process of elimination, he figured out who...

Before he could respond, Erunima slashed him across the chest. Sparks flew as the metal struck the armor, but it still cut through and blood poured from Galloway's chest. Before he could respond, the princess responded with another series of strikes.

Suddenly, Yuushi jumped onto Erunima and wrestled her to the ground. The sword flew out of her hands, and the two ended up degenerating into a slap match. Had they been a few years older, it could have possibly been interesting.

Barizan stood in their way, but Servo temporarily disabled him. Galloway and Servo ran towards the man, but the King of Heaven stood up and blocked their way. He raised his hands, and an energy blast blew Servo through a pillar and knocked Galloway onto his back. However, the pillar Servo flew through crashed down on the king, knocking him out.

Galloway jumped over the pillar and readied the Reaver. The man didn't even move, until Galloway attack. He then teleported behind Galloway and kicked him over.

"You don't get it, do you?" he said. "My eyesight is more than improved; it's emplified millions of times. I can see through time and dimensions. I know everything you will do minuted before you actually do anything. You can't even-" Galloway blasted him away with an energy blast, sending him flying through another pillar. Galloway was about to run him through with the Reaver when the pillar collapsed on him, knocking him out.

The man stood back up, wiping blood from his mouth. "I'll leave you alone for now," he said. "We will meet again, though." He then teleported away.

Only Yuushi and Erunima were still fighting; everyone else was out. Yuushi, however, finally collapsed from exhaustion, as Erunima prepared to run her through with her sword. Servo, though, shot right back up and spun around uncontrollably, trying to get back in order.

Eventually, he span so fast that he produced a loud whine. Erunima screamed and fell over, as a green mist poured out of her eyes and mouth. The same mist exited the King, and everything was quiet.


After everyone got back up a few minutes later, they began to sort things out. It seemed that another force had invaded the King and Erunima, causing them to go mad. Also, the man had been hired as an advisor, only to be revealed to be a traitorous maniac.

"My apologizes, Yuushi," said Erunima, her voice still void of any sort of emotion. "I was weak to allow something to take my mind..."

"It's okay!" shouted Yuushi. "We're still friends!"

Servo looked on, visibly sick. "Anyone got any dramamine?"

"Your majesty," said Galloway, "I need to know about the Heaven Shield..."

"Very well," said the King. He left for a few minutes, then returned with an ornate, golden shield. He handed it to Galloway with a heavy sigh. "When this has to be used, all of existance is in danger. Please be careful. There are things out there that will drive you mad if you let them."

"Thank you," said Galloway. He packed the shield under his arm, and took Yuushi and Servo out of the palace.

"Erunima," said the King, "that was imperfect of you. Nobody should be controlled in such a way. I will never forgive you." Erunima simply sighed. It was just another typical day for her.

Weiila: So, Hell is know, that sounds somewhat stereotypical. don't know the half of it, Weiila. Believe me, it's scarier than anything you can imagine, freakier than pokemon, stupider than Power Rangers, and even more insane than every fanfic at

The Reaver Saga part 22: Cube

"You see, evil is really all about fear," said Grenda. "There's no point in warping reality if nobody's around to suffer because of it."

"You're missing the point," said Kain. "The point of instilling terror is to maintain total control. There's more to that than warping reaity; you also have to make examples of random peasants. I had a ten-course banquet as an example once..."

"That's enough out of you two," said Nimo. He promptly shut up when he saw Kain bare his fangs and lean forward. Grenda continued to lead them, until they reached a moderate-sized house at the edge of the town. Compared to the others in the area, it was a mansion; it was two stories, with painted stone walls and somewhat elaborate decorations sitting outside.

"This is Yuushi's house," said Grenda. "Hopefully, he hasn't been turned to stone yet."

"Who?" asked Nimo. "You haven't told me who the hell we're looking for!" Once again, Kain began to bear his fangs, and Nimo shut himself up.

The front door was barred on the other side, but Kain knocked it down in one kick. The door led to a small kitchen, with large pots still filled with rotting food. The floor and shelves were covered with dust; they hadn't been distrubed for days.

The second Grenda set foot through the door, though, arrows flew out from everywhere. Grenda and Nimo ducked, but Kain wasn't as fast. Fortunately, the arrows barely pierced his skin.

Once they were sure it was safe, they entered, only to have to dodge another arrow. Kain then saw what he missed earlier; a slit in a nearby wall. Sighing, he raised his arm, and the entire wall began to shake. He then pulled his arm back, and the wall crashed down.

Behind the wall, strangely, was nothing, except an autoloading crossbow with a pullstring attached. Nimo followed the string, and quickly reached into a protected corner.

He pulled out a small boy, about the same size as Grenda and Yuushi. He had dark brown skin, purple hair and pointy ears, and wore a black shirt with matching dress pants. "Looks like we've got a troublemaker," said Nimo.

"Shut up, okay?!" shouted Grenda. "Drop him."

Nimo snarled at Grenda, then dropped the kid. He looked at Nimo, then Kain, then Grenda, and immediately paniced. "G-Grenda!" he gasped.

"Cube," said Grenda, "shut up. We need your help..."

Naturally, the windows immediately shattered. The ninjas from before jumped in, vastly outnumbering the four-member group by about nine to one. Naturally, this was going to be painful...for the ninjas.

They immediately jumped on the group, only to get knocked back by a few blows. Two of them tried to jump back at Grenda, but she vaporized them with a fireball. Cube punched one of them straight in the face, sending him flying into a group of other ninjas. Nimo shot the ninjas down in droves. Kain snapped the necks of several ninjas, then blew several more away with a blast.

Finally, all the ninjas were dead, except one. Kain raised the ninja by the neck, and prepared to bite into its neck, but stopped when it saw its eyes. They were surrounded by a green light, which faded in and out. Finally, he just bit into the ninja's neck and sucked it dry, then threw its lifeless corpse to the ground.

"Now, Cube," said Grenda, "did you try to get anything to help, or are you more pathetic than I thought?"

"A-Actually," said Cube, "I was going to, but those things attacked, Yuushi dissapeared, and someone stole all my gold! It's been one problem after another..."

"Forget that," said Nimo. "Let's just try to get this done with!"

Kain: So, if you want someone to listen to you, tell them that you'll burn their village and make slaves of their children if they don't obey you.
Magus: *writes it down* Interesting...

The Reaver Saga part 23: The Royal Tomb

(I was going to show the horrors of Hell, but since this is created in the US, writing such a thing would have been considered an act of terrorism. As a result, it was either continuing with my plan to scare the shit out of you, or get sent to some Cuban prison that gets around the Constitution by not being on US soil. I've said too much, so let's continue.)

Galloway, Servo and Yuushi returned from Hell, carrying the Dark Shield. Galloway inserted the Dark Shield into the left indentation, while Yuushi inserted the Light Shield into the right indentation. Servo would have done something, but his arms were useless, so he just hovered around in the background.

The entire cave began to rumble and crack, as beams of white and black energy flowed from the shields, through the walls, and into the door. The door began to rumble with much greater intensity, and the door crumbled into a cloud of dirt and grime. Galloway tried to raise his flashlight, but the dirt completely blocked everything.

"All right," said Galloway. "I'll be back in a little while." He stepped through the dust, followed by the sound of him hitting something and screaming a good long while, and finally ended with a loud splash.

"What happened?" shouted Yuushi.

"I hit my head on a low iron bar," said Galloway. "I then tripped over and fell into a deep well. The water's also infested with pirahnas, so I've gotta go!" He then screamed again.


Galloway jumped out of the water, barely escaping the flesh-eating pirahnas. He was now inside a deep crypt, surrounded by dead bodies and ancient coffins. He quickly casted a Juggling Lights spell, then made his way through the dark crypt. None of the tombs seemed to have been distrubed since they where filled, so it seemed that whatever was placed in here was placed during its construction, or just after that.

Still, that was the last thing on his mind. He had to find the Reaver power, and fast.


"He's been gone for a while," said Yuushi. "Shouldn't we check on him?"

"I'd rather not," said Servo. "Knowing that guy, he's busy eating a pizza and looking at hardcore porn."

Weiila: You hype this whole thing up, and then you back out?'re the last person to be talking about backing out. Now be quiet or I'll make you watch the 24-hour Winnie-the-Pooh marathon.

The Reaver Saga part 24: Attack of the Saiya-Jin

Cube raised his hands, and a green pentagram appeared on the floor below him. He mumbled a few words in some strange language, then tossed a gold coin into the middle. It passed through the floor, and a note flew up into his face. The pentagram then faded.

"There is no cure for this," read Cube. "We just felt a little greedy today. Please forgive us while we head towards that little casino in the underworld."

"Well THAT was a waste of time," growled Kain. "I have more important things to do!"

"Like what?" asked Nimo. "You don't plan on leaving everyone like this?!"

Kain grabbed Nimo's neck and brought him in close. "!" he growled. He threw the admiral aside and jumped out the window. Before he hit the ground, he changed into a flock of bats and flew off towards the cave.

Grenda looked after him, smirking. "I've got to ask him how he does that."


Galloway continued his long, endless march through the dank tomb, with nothing but the corpses around to keep him company. Finally, he reached a large, circular chamber, in the middle of which sat a glowing pylon. Galloway summoned the Reaver, then slowly approahed the pylon.

"Come now," said a familiar voice. "Are you really afraid of power? And you call yourself a Saiyan!"

"Show yourself!" shouted Galloway.

"And what's with the heroics?" asked the voice. "You know as well as I do that you are not a hero. Saiyans don't bother with salvation."

"Just get the hell out already!" shouted Galloway. "I'm sick of the 'voices out of nowhere' routine!"

"Very well," finished the voice. The mysterious speaker finally stepped out of the shadows; it was the guy from the Heaven Realm. "I see you are not surprised."

"Why should I be?" asked Galloway. "Only a Saiyan would try to destroy a world this backwards."

"You really are a shame to our race," said the saiyan. "Our numbers are dwindling; we have to mate with other species in order to survive. The empire has fallen, our people are scattered, and you just decide to play around on some damn treasure hunt."

"For your information," said Galloway, "I'm trying to get this damn mess of energy off my arm. Now, just stay away from me."

"Do you take me for an idiot?" asked the saiyan. "I know what you'll do with that blade the minute you're finished with me. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He then sprang past Galloway's head, rebounded off the wall, jumped off of Galloway's back, and landed expertly on the other side of the pylon.

"What the hell was that?" asked Galloway, still rubbing his back.

"What do you think?" asked the saiyan. "My other race is extremely agile; they can run circles aorund you at birth. And now, you'll rue the day you ever crossed Cucumber!"

Galloway snorted, then doubled over laughing. "Cucumber?! Your freaking name is CUCUMBER?!"

"Don't give me that shit!" shouted Cucumber. "I had enough problems as a kid! Now, let's finish this!" He then touched the pylon, and the energy flowed into his body. The pylon stoped glowing, and Cucumber, now surrounded by blue energy, smiled to himself.

Galloway raised the Reaver and charged, but Cucumber suddenly faded. Galloway looked around nervously, but didn't see any sign of the saiyan...until a foot planted itself into the back of his head. He fell to the ground, as Cucumber stood over him.

Galloway swiped, but Cucumber faded away again. Galloway jumped back to his feet, only to get slashed along the back. He got back up, but Cucumber dissapeared again, then slammed a rock hard into Galloway's back.

"Watch his movement."

Galloway winced. Another voice was talking to him, from inside his head.

"His new power allows him to dissapear anywhere, but reappear in only one spot. Find that spot."

"What's wrong?" mocked Cucumber. "The little saiyan can't take a rock to the back?"

Galloway climbed back to his feet, his Reaver still ready for action. Cucumber vanished again, and once again, hit Galloway, but this time, it was in the face. Finally, Galloway found out where he was appearing from. He just stood there as Cucumber dissapeared, but the second the saiyan reappeared, Galloway jumped over him and stabbed him in the back with the Reaver.

Cucumber gasped, as the color drained from his body. "H-how?" he moaned. "H-he...couldn't have...seen me..." His body then fell limp, as Galloway kicked it off of the Reaver.

*meanwhile, on the SoL*
Weiila: Remember when we were actually important?
Amy: *thinks about it* No.

The Reaver Saga part 25: The Spectral Realm

The same feeling from the Hentai-themed world filled Galloway's body, then dissapeared. He looked down at Cucumber's soulless body, then at the Reaver. He was covered with a cold sweat, and still felt weak and numb.

"Finally. Where would you be without my help?"

"Who's there?" shouted Galloway. "I'm not in a good mood right now!"

"I've been attached to you for too long. You should never have taken the Soul Reaver."

"I didn't TAKE the Reaver," said Galloway. "I bought it off some old guy at the black market."

"Enough. We are bound together for the time being, so we have little time to argue. You must get out of this tomb first, though. I will help you use your new ability."

"Fine by me," said Galloway.


(one brief struggle with Kain later)

Yuushi wrapped up her arm, while Kain wiped his mouth clean. "You didn't have to do that!" screamed Yuushi. "Do you really need that much blood?"

"You'll recover," said Kain. "Just be glad I didn't kill you outright. Now, where is the Reaver?"


Galloway's journey through the tomb was uneventful, until he reached where he had first falllen in. The pirrahnas were still swimming around, and the walls were covered with a large amount of mold and slime. "Any ideas on how to get out of here?" asked Galloway.

"Allow me."

Galloway's head was suddenly filled with unbearable pain. He closed his eyes, as thousands of voices seemed to scream around him. Finally, the pain subsided, and he opened his eyes.

The entire area was now glowing with a hazy blue light. Strange, disembodied voices echoes out of every possible area, while strange images floated around in the blue fog. He stepped out onto the pool of water, and fell flat on his face into the bottom.

"You wanted my help. I gave it to you. Now, escape."

Galloway climbed back to his feet, and made his way out of the pool. Parts of the wall were now portruding, creating a makeshift pathway up the well. Sighing, Galloway started to make his way upward.

"Are you enjoying this?"

"Not particularly," said Galloway. "Where the hell am I?"

"This is the spectral realm. This is where all souls go when they die."

"So that's how you helped me?" asked Galloway. "By killing me?"

"It's not quite killing. In fact, you're still technically alive. You're just spectral energy bound together in a corperal-like form."

"...I don't get it," said Galloway. "It sounds like something you slapped together for the purpose of explaning what the hell's going on."

"Don't foget; I can consume your soul at any time."


Galloway finally finished climbing out of the pit. In front of him was an empty cavern, except for a large purple portal. The second Galloway set foot on it, the same pain as before racked his body. After a few seconds, the pain stopped, and Galloway opened his eyes. He was back in the cavern.

"...THE HELL?" shouted Servo. "How'd you show up here?"

"Don't ask," said Galloway. "I don't want to explain everything right now."


"So, I failed," said the man, looking over the barren land. "The Saiyans will still fall, though. I will see to it personally."

And next time, the plot will actually continue...TO SUCK!

The Reaver Saga part 26: The Journey Continues

"So that's what happened," finished Galloway. "Now all we have to do is tie up some loose ends..."

"If you mean saving the townspeople," said Kain, "you are simply too little, too late. The power causing this is more than you can ever truly understand."

"Well, aren't you a bundle of good news," said Servo. "By the way, where's Nimo?"

"He stayed behind," said Kain. "He'll be joining with you soon, no doubt. Now, until we meet again." He then raised his hands to his chest, and dissapeared in a green flash.

" what?" asked Yuushi.

"You're back home now, for better or worse," said Galloway. "You have a choice, then. Do you want to continue with us, or stay behind? Meet us at the front of the Academy in an hour if you want to continue."


Galloway, Servo and Nimo waited at the Academy gates, impatiently checking their watches. Finally, Yuushi showed up, gasping for breath.

"I knew you'd come back," said Galloway. "You just can't resist another little adventure."

"Actually," said Yuushi, "I'm only staying until we find a cure. I'm out of here after that."

"Fine, fine," said Nimo. "Let's just get going already! I have an investigation to complete, remember?!" Galloway sighed, then activated his codec.

(begin codec conversasion)
Weiila: Yeah, boys can be such idiots some times...
Galloway: A-hem!
Weiila: Oh...Gallo! You...didn't hear any of that, did you?
Galloway: Only the last sentence. Now, beam me up, Scotty!
Weiila:...this isn't Star Trek.
Galloway: Play along, Weiila, or I'll show everyone...the pictures.
Weiila: *gasps* I'll be good! I'll be good!
(end codec conversasion)

(They were then beamed up. No need to waste space on something as pointless as them being beamed up, or me explaining that there's no need to waste space on something as them being beamed up...DAMN IT!)


"Well, where to next?" asked Galloway.

Servo pulled out his "Dark Side of the Universe Traveler's Guide" and examined the map. "The next planet might be a good place to start, seeing as how I forgot to adequetly stock the ship with food, water, and other supplies, and unless we stop on SOME planet, we will soon all die."

Galloway looked long and hard at Servo, then set the SOL's autopilot to the next planet. The ship took off in a blast, then stopped.

"Oops," said Servo. "I forgot about fuel, too."

"I told you we should have put more than five bucks worth of gas in this thing!" shouted Weiila. Helplessly, the SOL floated off.

Picture Hunt (part 1)
Weiila: Damn Galloway and his pictures! If I could only get my hands on them...*thinks of a plan*
Starstorm: Uh, Weiila, isn't it time for sex yet?

Part 2

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