Swords for Hire: Master Math
by Doc Shinryuu
"Ahhh, it's good to be back at the ol' campus, eh?" Said Stanley cheerily.
"Yes, it certainly is." Melissa responded, "Maybe we'll meet up with some
"I don't know about you two," Silphy said with a shudder, "But this place
brings back some bad memories for me."
Ramza's army was taking a rest a Magic City Gariland, and our
Not-So-Dynamic Trio has returned to their old Job-Class College to see how it
"Well, let's take a look around." Stanley said
As they were about to enter, a heavy hand came down on Melissa's shoulder.
"Well, well. If it isn't good ol' crybaby."
A wide range of panic expressions raced across Melissa's face, but she
quickly regained her composure.
"Hello, T.J." Melissa said, calmly, "You're still a Freshman, I see."
"Hey! I'm a Sophomore for your information!" T.J. Shouted
"You're going to be unconscious, if you aren't careful." Melissa retorted,
shooting a glare in T.J.'s direction.
"We'll see who's unconscious in a minute. Take this!" T.J. said, throwing a
punch at Melissa.
WHOOSHTHWAPWHOP!!(yes, this is a working sound effect)
Melissa ducked T.J.'s punch, tripped him with her spear, and hit him in the
stomach with the spearbutt in rapid succession.
"Wow." Silphy said. Stanley would've said the same thing, but he was
intently looking at a bulletin board.
"Let's move on." Melissa said
"Hey, look at this!" Stanley said, "We've arrived just in time for the Math
Master Contest! This is the perfect way to prove who's the better Calculator!"
"We don't need to. We both know," Melissa said, "That I would beat you with
Silence cast on me."
"We'll see about that!" Stanley shouted.
"Umm, guys?" Silphy said, breaking up an impending fight, "I've got good
news, better news and bad news."
"Do tell." Melissa said.
"The good news is that the entry fee is only 50 Gil."
"Wow. Even we could afford that!" Stanley said.
"The better news is that the prize money is 25,000 Gil"
Even Melissa's jaw dropped at this.
"The bad news is that it's in teams. Two players, one representative."
"WHAT!?!?!?" Stanley and Melissa chorused.
"WELCOME TO THE MATH MASTER TOURNAMENT!!!" The all-too-peppy announcer
yelled. "Today, three teams of two will compete for the title of Master Math!!!
Let's welcome our teams!"
The stadium being used was packed with people. All of them, rather than to
see who's the best at math, were there to see who gets humiliated first. The
teams were going to be introduced one by one.
Stanley and Melissa walked out onto their team podium.
"First, let's welcome a pair of graduates returning for this tournament
only! Say hello to... TEAM DUOMAGE!!!"
Most of the crowd cheered, most of the crowd who recognized them, anyway.
A Thief and and a Bard walked out onto their podium.
"Here is a duo of freshmen, known for their looks rather than their
intelligence. Trust me, looks alone won't get you ANYWHERE here. Welcome... TEAM
The only thing that could be heard was a cricket chirping.
The manalights dimmed.
"And now... our previous champions shall return... Our next hope for a Math
Master trophy... Our-"
"GET ON WITH IT, ALREADY!!!" Someone in the crowd interrupted.
A manaspotlight came down on the remaining team podium.
"Lets give a warm welcome to..."
With the sound of ten thousand people yelling "whop" at the same time, a
Calculator and a Summoner teleported in.
"...TEAM CHAMPION!!!" The announcer shouted.
The entire crowd cheered.(I'll bet you didn't see that coming) Stanley
mumbled something having to do with them spending all the prize money on special
effects. Silphy yelled something to Stanley and Melissa, but it couldn't be
heard over the crowd.
"Anyway, now that everyone's here, let's begin!" The announcer yelled,
(To save all you readers some boredom, I'm going to skip to the final
"One hundred thirty five!" Melissa shouted.
"That is correct!" The announcer shouted. "That brings Team Duomage and
Team Champion into a tie for the final round, and, having the lowest score today
of ZERO POINTS, Team Star has been disqualified."
With that, Team Star was dragged away by two security personnel.
"And now, the final round has come. Three questions will determine who will
win. As of now, we have a tie, so the first to answer two questions correct
wins. Here's the first question."
A few people in the crowd told some other people in the crowd to shut up.
"What is: 5x72-3x2Ö6+3?
"Three hundred sixty two!" The Summoner said.
"That's right!" The announcer shouted in response. "Next, what is: The
square root of (84x[4-1]x7)?"
"Forty two!" Stanley and Melissa shouted in unison.
"That's correct! Now, the last question. What is..."
The Announcer needed a moment to comprehend the sheer math of it all.
"Sixty nine thousand one hundred twenty!" Stanley yelled.
"Oooh, sorry, that's incorrect. Team Champion, if you can answer this
correctly, you win."
"THAT'S RIGHT!!!" The announcer shouted, "YOU WIN!!!"
Stanley boggled, Melissa cried, Silphy both boggled and cried, the
Calculator and the Summoner congratulated each other, and the crowd cheered.
As Team Champion was carried off by a crowd of people, Silphy walked over
to say something to Stanley and Melissa.
"Well, at least we know who the better calculator is." Silphy said with a
"Who!?" Stanley said. Melissa was still crying.