"Well, looks like we need to meet this 'Carrot Ironfoundersson,' eh?"
Stanley said. With that, the trio left to flag down* a cart, Stanley dragging
Silphy behind him.
Melissa needed to arch her back to get it back in the right place. Stanley
wasn't sure he still had a back. Silphy, who sobered up rather quickly, was
aching in places she knew about vaguely, but wasn't sure existed until now.
"Hey, times change, money loses it's value. Pay up."
"Fine." Stanley said, tossing the money to the driver. As the cart drove
off, the trio entered the guard house of the Lionel Night Watch.
The floor* was covered with dust. A rather fat man was nursing a metal jug.
A tall, red-haired man was sitting at a table, playing cards with what appeared
to be a pile of rocks wearing some sort of mechanized helmet. The trio assumed
that this was normal, and walked over to the fat man.
"Be careful!" the man shouted, leaping to his feet, "This is a jug of
highly volatile beer! It could explode at the drop of a hat!"
The fat man's eyes widened as he stared at the jug, which seemed to be
vibrating rather powerfully. The red-haired man flipped the card table toward
his opponent and hid behind it. The fat man, Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa
quickly followed suit. Just as they ducked behind the table, the jug blew open,
drenching the entire room with beer foam. As the spurting fizz died down, the
pile of rocks, more commonly known as a troll, said, "Got any... four-ers?"
* - And everything else, for that matter.
After a goodly amount of towels had been distributed about the room, the
"So, you're saying a suit of armor and a sword were stolen? That's it?"
"Yes, but Bafai seemed to take it all in stride." Carrot said, "However,
when he saw this note, he clutched his chest as though he was having a heart
attack." He slid a folded piece of paper across the table. Stanley picked it up
and unfolded it, laying it out on the table.
"Yep. That's Zero, alright." he muttered, staring at a drawn grin. The note
was rather short:
I've come to steal your
If you wish to reclaim
they'll be at my lair
Falls! Come, if you
"Revealing his hideout... I'd know his overconfident style anywhere."
"You'd know, wouldn't you?" Silphy said, grinning.
"Hey. I used to be a Thief. A good Thief knows all about his competition."
"I'm surprised, Stanley." Melissa said, "I hardly believe you were
a good Thief."
"Watch it. You wouldn't want a certain dagger stabbing you, now would you?"
"I don't suppose you'd
want a certain fan
"...Crap." Stanley knew he was beaten, so he changed the subject. "Anyway,
getting back on topic, we're going to need a way to get to Zirekile Falls
"Well, we can provide a few Chocobos..." Carrot said.
"What!? After all we've agreed to-" Stanley began.
"That should do." Melissa interrupted, covering Stanley's mouth.
Zirekile Falls was a ways north of Lionel. Nonetheless, the Chocobos made
for an easy ride. They easily bounded over boulders, dashed across streams, and
rushed through forests. The same, however, can't be said for the riders, who
were bounced around, soaked with water, and hit with various branches.
Eventually; Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa made their way to Zirekile Falls.
"Gah!" Stanley shouted, "I REALLY
want to blast something into a
bloody pulp right now. That ride was worse than the cart!"
"Please, Stanley." Melissa muttered, "Save it for Zero. It'll be much more
useful that way."
With that, the trio passed under the waterfall, into an odd cavern. It
seemed sculpted in a manmade sort of way. The primary tip-off was the fact that
the top half narrowed as one went deeper into the cave as the bottom half
widened. There were torches on the walls at regular intervals. Strangely enough,
the torches were in holes in the walls that were just deep enough to render them
completely ineffective. There was an inscription below one of the torch-holes,
reading "B. S. Johnson & Co., Contractors for hire." Eventually, the hall came
to a door. It was not only unlocked, but slightly open as well. As Silphy went
to open it, Stanley stopped her.
"Wait, Silphy." Stanley pushed Silphy and Melissa back to a wall. He pulled
the door open with his rod.
A blast of fire erupted from behind the door. Silphy and Melissa looked at
"See? I told you I knew about thieving." Stanley said smugly, "A good thief
traps EVERY door, no matter how unused it is."
Silphy started toward the door again and Stanley stopped her. "Wait for
There was a quiet click
, followed by five arrows.
we can go."
After a few more of these doors, the trio came to a large, circular
chamber. At it's center was a patch of grass. As they entered, the door slammed
sut behind them. They turned to the door and Silphy tried to open it.
"Locked, right?" Stanley asked.
"Yep." Silphy muttered.
"That's right, fools! You're trapped!"
Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa turned toward their mystery
stater-of-the-obvious. There was a man standing in the center of the room. He
was wearing a green, turban-esque hat with a rather huge, white feather. He was
also wearing a green, short-sleeved jacket with a white undershirt and off-white
knickers. Matching most of his other clothing was a green cloak. His leather
boots were slightly grass-stained, probably from the grass he was standing on.
"You're all doomed! You've entered the lair of the GREAT..."
He took hold of his cloak.
He flung his cloak off.
He began to gasp for breath.
"Listen, Zer-" Stanley began.
"-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Zero interrupted.
There was a brief silence.
"Are you done?" Stanley asked.
"I suppose, if you really must ask."
"Anyway, Just give us Bafai's stuff." Stanley re-began. "We REALLY want to
hurt you, but we can resist the temptation until we get Bafai's stuff back."
Stanley took out his staff and dagger.
Melissa and Silphy followed suit with their weapons.
"An interesting proposition, indeed." Zero said. "However, you won't be
able to attack me, if you're pinned to the ground, now will you?" a faint glow
arose from the grass beneath Zero's feet. "HELL IVY!"
Suddenly, clusters of vines grew and entangled Stanley, Silphy and Melissa.
Their weapons were lost in the ensnaring vines.
"Well, well. Look who has the advantage now
." Zero said, walking
toward the trio.
"You just LOVE the sound of your own voice, don't you?" Silphy asked, spite
adding an edge to her words.
"Oh, my. I'm so hurt." Zero said, his voice ringing with sarcasm. "You're
rebellious; you shall be killed." Zero walked over to Stanley. "You seem
corruptable; you may be useful." Zero finally came to Melissa. "And YOU. You, my
pure flower, my beautiful ray of light; you shall be of a special
Zero chuckled as he whispered something in Melissa's ear. Her eyes widened after
"Huh, boy." Stanley said, "Here comes the waterfall."
, was Stanley wrong!
Melissa's look of bewilderment slowly contorted into a grimace of pure,
unrestricted rage. The vines around her began to explode into clouds of plant
matter. The +42 Paper Folding Fan of Grievous Bodily Harm flew to the hand of
it's owner. Melissa shook off the vines and walked toward the rather surprised
"N-now, wait a minute. Let's talk this over." he said, bargaining for his
Stanley and Silphy turned their heads to avoid seeing what was guaranteed
to come next*. When they looked again, Melissa was releasing them from their
"Wow. Not bad, Melissa!" Silphy said.
"I didn't know you had it in ya!" Stanley said, retrieving his weapons.
"I can't see why it's so surprising." Melissa said, "I just said to myself,
'SCREW the White Mage's Oath. This guy needs some severe
There was a small tinkling noise near the door. A note had somehow attached
itself to the door, which was mysteriously unlocked:
You have merely managed
to defeat one of my lazy
stooges! Next time, you
won't be so lucky!
* - They still heard the screams of agony, though.
After the ordeal, the trio wound up back at the Night Watch HQ. Bafai was
thanking them while the Lionel Night Watch investigated the fully disarmed
cavern behind Zirekile Falls.
"Thank you SO much! You don't know how much this means to me!" Bafai said,
nearly weeping openly.
"Perhaps you could give us some sort of material
"Well, I suppose I can give you this." Bafai said, taking a book out from
deep in the recesses of his robe.
"What's this?" Silphy asked, taking the book and flipping through it.
"It's the diary of my great-grandfather, Nanai. He was a great warrior, in
"Just a book? Just a frickin' BOOK?" Stanley yelled at Bafai.
Bafai left them with an enigmatic statement. "You never know what knowledge
the experiences of others may give you."
A moment of quiet contemplation...
Stanley broke the silence. "Ah, well To the pawn shop we go, eh?" Stanley
and Melissa went out to flag down a cart, Silphy trailing behind. As Silphy
flipped through the tattered parchment of Nanai's diary, she found an old
crystal pendant. There seemed to be some odd carvings on one side of it. Silphy
looked a bit closer at them and sa-
"Silphy, hurry up!"
Silphy snapped out of her trance. "Coming, Stanley!" she shouted, running
out and putting the pendant in a pocket.
Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, Corporal Nobbs, Acting-Constable Detritus,
the Night Watch, and all other related characters/locations Copyright of Terry
Phantom Thief Zero, Lionel Castle, Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy Tactics,
And all related characters/locations Copyright of Squaresoft.
Stanley, Silphy, Melissa, and The +42 Paper Folding Fan of Grievous Bodily
Harm Intellectual Property of Will Kusleika(don't bother pronouncing that). Any
use without permission will invoke Prosecution and/or Flaming.
Special Thanks to Weiila for her support, Kenji Kotaro for his Proposition
List, and deviantART(www.deviantart.com
) for being such a great art community.
For updates and inside info, among other things, go to
Next episode: Deep in Sweegy Woods, or(for all you Yu-Gi-Oh fans) Swords
for Hire of Revealing Light!